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Getting the chance to sleep in the middle of finals week is like getting a pedicure after seven straight days of nine-hour shifts at the Quik Trip. Bob has been stressed out of her fucking mind for the last two goddamn weeks, and the fact she’s standing out in the cold, rain, and wind at 2 a.m. in December because some jackass just had to burn popcorn is ridiculous. What’s even worse is that none of the other dorm buildings seem to have this issue, but she has been getting dragged out of her bed between the hours of midnight and 6 a.m. for the last two weeks and Bob is sick of it.
Bob’s teeth are chattering violently and she pulls the robe she had barely remembered to grab tighter around her body. She very much wants to find the person who did this and wring their neck for it. There is no way she’ll pass her economics class on a disrupted sleep schedule, and at this point, she’s tempted to move out.
“It is too early for this,” Thorgy grumbles, arms crossed over her chest.
Bob rolls her eyes, “Thanks for stating the obvious, really helpful right now.”
“I’m just trying to make the best out of a bad situation,” Thorgy says with a huff.
“This is the worst situation we’ve been in since the 4 a.m. alarm three days ago,” Bob bites back, “Explain to me what’s good about any of this- I am begging you to try.”
Thorgy opens her mouth like she wants to, but quickly pouts instead, “I’m too tired.”
“My point exactly,” Bob says, slightly smug.
Betty turns around sharply, “Will you two stop fucking arguing? It is 2 in the goddamn morning.”
“That’s what I’m saying!” Bob exclaims, “This shit is ridiculous!”
“And everyone here already knows it,” Betty argues, gesturing to the parking lot full of people.
Bob rolls her eyes, “Well, I’m mad and I refuse to be quiet about it.”
Thorgy raises her hand, “Hey, am I crazy or are the firetrucks taking longer to get here every time the alarm goes off?”
“You’re crazy,” Bob says without hesitation.
Betty frowns, “No, no, she may be onto something- Have you heard those stories of the 911 dispatchers who get so desensitized to their job that they hang up on people?”
“...You make literally no sense to me.”
“My point is that maybe the firefighters are getting desensitized to our fire alarms and that’s why they’re taking forever to show up. They already know it’s just a false alarm!” Betty explains with a crazy look in her eyes due to sleep deprivation.
“I’m adding that into my belief system,” Thorgy says sagely, nodding along to Betty’s every word.
Bob groans, “Y’all two are fucking insane.”
Betty rolls her eyes, “Maybe the next time the fire department takes ten minutes to get here you’ll change your tune.”
“Just keep telling yourself that,” Bob says, rolling her eyes, “I won’t be here for this to happen again, I am fully moving out. This shit is ridiculous.”
Thorgy perks up, “Really? Where are you moving?”
“I don’t fucking know, all I know is I need to get out of here and fast,” Bob says, pulling on her robe tie.
“I have a friend in the apartments a block that way,” Thorgy says, pointing west of their dorm building, “I could probably help you get your foot in the door.”
Bob glances at Thorgy skeptically, “Why would you willingly help me?”
Betty glares at Bob, “Have you considered she’s just trying to be a good friend?”
“Absolutely not.”
Thorgy chuckles, “I mean, she’s right to be suspicious.”
Betty grins, “Oh, no, I know that. I’m just giving you the benefit of the doubt.”
“Awww!” Thorgy smiles, hugging Betty.
Bob wrinkles her nose, “Way too fucking early for this bullshit.”
“We heard you the first thirty times!”
“Good!”
Betty smirks, “You know…”
Bob’s face falls, “What?”
“We could always-”
“Don’t you fucking dare.”
“-move in together,” Betty finishes with a victorious grin.
Thorgy gasps, “Oh my God! That’s an incredible idea!”
Bob stares at Betty, unable to comprehend the words that just left her mouth. To Bob, absolutely nothing could be worse than living with these two idiots. Then again, she’s running out of options as far as moving out of this cursed building goes.
“Why would I move in with y’all? Give me three good reasons why I would do that,” Bob demands, crossing her arms over her chest with a huff.
Betty hums thoughtfully, “Well, I’m a stress cleaner, so you won’t have to deal with a messy apartment.”
“And I’m a decent cook,” Thorgy offers.
Bob rolls her eyes, “That’s only two reasons. Besides, why would I move in with you two when I could move in with Monet?”
“Monet has to live on campus until the end of next semester because she’s a freshman,” Thorgy reminds her.
“Naomi too,” Betty adds with a smirk.
“Jesus, I hate it when you’re right,” Bob says, kicking the toe of her shoe into the asphalt, “Okay, well, I’ll just ask Kim.”
Betty laughs, “She’s on a housing scholarship.”
“ Shit.”
“So what’ll it be? Us or the fire alarms?”
“Uh, no, I still need a third reason,” Bob says stubbornly, “Cough it up or forget the whole idea.”
Thorgy grins like a mad woman, “I have a fantastic third reason for you.”
“Oh, really?”
“We’re your only options.”
Bob groans with the knowledge that Thorgy is actually right. She has no other options. She desperately wants out of this stupid fucking dorm building and its stupid fucking fire alarms, even if it means entering the roommate situation from hell. Bob glares at Betty and Thorgy, who are grinning like idiots.
Bob sighs, “Alright. Fine. Let's move into an apartment together.”
Thorgy cheers, “Yes! This will be so fun!”
Betty nods excitedly, “We’re already great friends, what could go wrong?”
Bob rolls her eyes, “Don’t fucking jinx it.”
Then they can hear the firetrucks coming up the street and Bob could cry she’s so relieved. She just wants to go back to sleep for the next month. As she watches the firefighters enter the building, she actually starts to get excited at the prospect of moving in with her closest friends.
Looking at how Thorgy and Betty talk animatedly about all the things they could do as roommates, Bob thinks that maybe it won’t be so bad after all.