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The few times Jiang Cheng imagined proposing to Xichen, he imagined it would happen in a very typical way.
It wasn’t often that he imagined it. After all, from the moment his heart skipped a beat and he realized just how much he loved Xichen’s melodic laughter, he swore that he would never confess to his friend. The last thing Jiang Cheng wanted for the man he loved was for him to be ruined by all of his flaws and insecurities. However, when he allowed himself to imagine it in the depths of the night, giving in to his guilty desire, he pictured taking Xichen out on a cute date, maybe a nice dinner or taking him to the beach, and then proposing to him right when the sun was setting, watching the golden light shimmer in his caramel irises as he asked to live his whole life with him. It would be long-winded and shaky, but Jiang Cheng would make sure all of his love was clearly expressed in his proposal to Xichen. He deserved the world of affection, after all.
So he never imagined that he would propose to him in under 20 minutes.
It was a rather typical day for Jiang Cheng. He hummed a song he heard on the radio as he took out clothing from the dryer and dumped it into the laundry basket, the pile of white and purple button-downs occasionally interrupted by random bright print and yellow shirts that somehow snuck their way into his load. He used to be confused by their presence, but now he didn’t even bat an eye as he threw them into the basket. Jin Ling had slept over at his place enough times that he was used to it. Honestly, it baffled Jiang Cheng as to why his nephew chose to hang out at his place so often with his friends (who were Jingyi, Zizhen, and Sizhui) when his parents’ house was right there, but it flattered him that the boy was oddly fond of him, even if he always said that it was ONLY because Jiang Cheng’s house was closer to his high school.
He heard the muffled sound of laughter and a yell of “JINGYI, YOU SON OF A-” come from downstairs, and he chuckled a bit to himself. Jin Ling and his crew of friends seemed to be fond of having Mario Kart tournaments right after school, so he’s certain the commotion was related to that. He remembered Jin Ling once whined about how Jingyi had DEFINITELY hacked the game, to which Jingyi replied by saying that he’s just better at the game. Jiang Cheng chose not to comment.
Jiang Cheng didn’t mind the noise. Rather, it was nice to have some lively noise in his home. He got so used to the sound of laughter and banter, or even some softened chatting and sarcastic comments during the kids’ homework time, that the few times they didn’t come over, the house felt too empty for his comfort. The kids filled his house with colorful life and warmed the space so that it was impossible for his heart to remain cold.
He only hoped that the noise didn’t bother Xichen.
That was another thing he didn’t understand. He knew of Xichen back in high school, but he only really became friends with him once Jingyi became friends with Jin Ling back in elementary school. Xichen was Jingyi’s dad, so when Jiang Cheng had to occasionally pick up Jin Ling in place of Yanli, Xichen always greeted him warmly, and their small talk was surprisingly comfortable. They talked somewhat often back then, arranging some cafe meetings with the two of them every now and then. Then, Jin Ling entered high school and started coming to Jiang Cheng’s house often, bringing Jingyi and his other friends along with him.
And they came over VERY often.
And every time Jingyi came over, Xichen came to pick him up, and Jiang Cheng would end up chatting with him for a little bit. And then it became longer. And longer. And longer. Xichen started staying for dinner. Then for dessert. Then for a late-night snack. Soon, Xichen was staying well into the night, and Jiang Cheng worried for his safety every time he drove home.
It was almost like Xichen partially lived in his home, but Jiang Cheng didn’t dare dwell on that.
Jiang Cheng didn’t understand why Xichen stayed so long, so often. Even if their conversations flowed like a river and Xichen’s laughter enwrapped Jiang Cheng like a giant comforter, he doubted the same was for Xichen. There was no way Xichen wished for the clock to stop or for them to spend the whole night together until the morning bluebirds sang as he did. He was sure Xichen’s heart didn’t soar like his heart did when Xichen leaned against his shoulder gently during movie nights or when their hands brushed while washing dishes together. No, surely Xichen didn’t enjoy their time nearly as much as he did.
Yet he kept staying.
And he was staying now, probably reading a book on the sofa chair, occasionally peaking at the kids while they played. Xichen always read to conserve energy before social events, and if Jiang Cheng recalled correctly, he had a meeting with Uncle Qiren and Lan Wangji this early evening. It sounded like the last few get-togethers with those two had been a little less pleasant for him as of late, so Jiang Cheng was sure he needed all the more energy.
Jiang Cheng hefted up the now full laundry basket with a grunt. He was familiar enough with Jin Ling, Jin Ling’s friends, and Xichen that he felt comfortable folding laundry in the background while they entertained themselves, peeking occasionally at what they were doing while he put the clothing in neat, color-coded piles. So with the basket in hand, he kicked open the door and headed down the stairs.
As he walked down, he saw Jin Ling and his friends come into view, and he paused to look at them. It seemed like they were chatting with Xichen, who was sitting cross-legged on the sofa chair, a novel perched on his lap as Jiang Cheng had predicted. Jin Ling focused on the screen, choosing which course to play next as the rest of his friends, mainly Jingyi, faced Xichen. Jingyi draped over the arm of the large sofa as though he owned the living room. Jiang Cheng couldn’t help but quietly snort at this, secretly happy at how comfortable Jingyi felt in his home.
“Still, I think Qiren really ought to let it go. He’s been hounding you on it relentlessly. The old man should know when to give it a break,” Jingyi protested to whatever was said before.
“Again, it’s great uncle Qiren, Jingyi,” Xichen sighed. “And it’s fine. I’ve managed before, so I can manage it again.”
“I do agree, though, that it’s a bit mean of him,” Zizhen commented.
“Oh, Jiang Cheng!” Jingyi exclaimed, whirling around to see him walking down the stairs. “Perfect timing!”
“That’s Mr. Cheng to you,” Jin Ling hissed at him.
“Potato potato,” Jingyi sang back with a roll of his eyes.
“It’s fine, Jin Ling. Jingyi never learns anyways,” Jiang Cheng said with a chuckle.
“Hey!” Jingyi shouted, offended. “I - ugh, never mind. ANYWAYS, Jiang Cheng, can you do a favor for me?”
Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow at him before looking back at his basket of laundry and continuing down the stairs.
“Sure,” he replied, apprehensive. “What’s the favor?”
He expected a lot of things. A request for math homework help, a request to go out and buy some new highlighters, a request to play a round of Mario Kart with them. Heck, he even mildly expected a request for dino chicken nuggets or a request for secret, underage alcohol, because such requests were normal coming from Jingyi.
However, he never expected what Jingyi DID request.
“Jiang Cheng, can you marry my dad in the next 20 minutes?”
. . . what?
It baffled Jiang Cheng. It baffled him SO MUCH, in fact, that Jiang Cheng proceeded to trip over the stairs and tumble to the bottom, laundry flying everywhere until they fell in a heap, Jiang Cheng and the laundry forming a colorful pile of confusion and bewilderment at the bottom of the staircase. Sizhui, Zizhen, and Jin Ling were startled as Jiang Cheng landed with a thud.
“Uncle!! You okay?!” Jin Ling cried, throwing his controller down and racing over to his side.
“Yeah, you alright, Mr. Cheng?” Sizhui asked, giving him a worried look. Zizhen looked at him with equal concern.
“Jingyi!!” Xichen squeaked, standing up, the novel toppling to the ground. “W-What on earth has gotten into you?”
“What?!” Jingyi asked, bewildered by his dad’s reaction. “I was just asking Jiang Cheng for a favor! It’s a perfectly legit favor!”
Jiang Cheng slowly and shakily got up, focusing on the ground as he tried to process what the heck just happened.
Right. Jingyi just asked if he could propose to Xichen in the next 20 minutes.
Xichen. The man he had loved for the past couple of years.
Right. What the f*ck.
He finally stood up and looked at Jingyi wildly, his cheeks burning.
“Jingyi . . . What the f*ck?” He asked.
“Language,” Jin Ling scolded.
“You shut the f*ck up,” Jiang Cheng snapped. “Jingyi, what the f*ck? Where did this come from?!”
“Yeah, Jingyi. What has gotten into you?” Xichen asked.
“Okay, look, I know it’s out of the blue, but hear me out!” Jingyi exclaimed, holding his hands out in front of him in defense. “Listen, Dad! If Mr. Cheng here marries you right now, you can claim that you’re married and it won’t be a lie! Or I guess that you’re gonna be married soon or whatever. So when Qiren pesters you again for not having a partner, you can say straight to his face that you are going to be married soon because someone proposed to you!”
Jiang Cheng’s mind reeled at the ridiculousness of this young boy as Xichen responded to him.
“Jingyi, I told you,” he sighed, exasperated. “I’m fine. I’ll just tell Qiren that I’m still looking for someone. It’ll be fine, really. It’s not a big deal.”
“No, that’s bull and you know it,” Jingyi shot back. “C’mon, it’ll be a temporary hold-off for the old man, and there’s no cost! I don’t want you to suffer under that old stick-in-the-mud again.”
“Jingyi! Don’t you dare talk about Lan Qiren like that,” Xichen scolded.
“But he hurt you!” Jingyi shouted, standing up and clenching his fists by his sides. “Don’t act like I didn’t hear you crying after your last couple of meet-ups with him, depressed over the fact that no one loved you! Which I would like to point out is also bull, because I love you as your son!”
“Jingyi . . .” Xichen breathed out, speechless. His face turned pale as he stared at Jingyi, clearly mortified that Jingyi had heard him in those times.
Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng frantically switched back and forth between looking at the two of them trying to process everything.
Okay. So it seemed like Uncle Qiren had been pestering Xichen about getting a partner and getting married, and that had been bothering Xichen quite a bit. Jiang Cheng internally winced at the knowledge that Xichen cried because of it. Xichen wasn’t one to cry. It took a lot of coaxing on Jiang Cheng’s end to even get Xichen to vent at him, and he felt bad that he was unable to comfort Xichen in all of his pain. And to think that Xichen thought no one loved him . . .
He looked at Jingyi, who now looked at him with a genuinely desperate look in his eyes. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.
He was being so stupid right now.
“Jingyi,” Jiang Cheng breathed out.
“Yeah?” Jingyi prompted.
“Did . . . did Xichen actually cry after those meetings?”
“Yes. Xichen said that he was unlovable after one of them once. It was f*cked up.”
Jiang Cheng winced, opening his eyes to see Jingyi with one of the most serious expressions he’d ever seen on the lively boy.
So he wasn’t kidding.
Jiang Cheng sighed again.
“How much time do I have again?” He asked. He saw Jingyi light up and Xichen stiffen, his eyes wide in shock. Jingyi leaned to look at the clock on the kitchen oven.
“17 minutes now,” he replied. Jiang Cheng groaned, pinching his nose bridge.
“F*ck,” he spat out, going up to Xichen and grabbing him by the shoulders. Xichen paled, looking at him in wild confusion.
“Jiang Cheng, listen. It’s fine, really-” He protested weakly, but Jiang Cheng cut him off.
“Xichen, don’t move an inch from your spot until we’re done, or else I will f*cking break your legs, got it?” Jiang Cheng growled. Xichen meekly nodded.
With that, Jiang Cheng ran up the stairs. Dead silence hung over the room until he was out of sight, which was then followed by exclamations, gasps, and “holy sh*t”s that he heard behind him. However, he needed to focus. He flung open the door to his bedroom, immediately racing towards his nightstand. He flung over the drawer, throwing out old letters, keychains, hand lotions, and other knick-knacks that had accumulated in there.
And he couldn’t find the ring.
“F*ck!” He cursed, running to his bed and kneeling to pull out some boxes he stored under there. He threw off the lids of each box and scoured through them, ravaging the contents as he went, dust and knick-knacks tumbling onto the floor. Finally, he saw what he was looking for at the bottom of one of them. He lunged into the box and pulled it out.
The small, dusty velvet box sat in his hands, a small thing with silver lining that had begun to rust away, losing its sheen. With trembling fingers, Jiang Cheng popped it open with a click, and there, tucked in the black velvet cushioning, was an antique purple ring, made of vibrant jasper with silver rimming around its edge. It sparkled in the light, as though it was happy to see his face after so many years. It was a family antique that had been passed down over the generation, but it lost its relevance down the line, Jiang Cheng’s mom having thrown it to him nonchalantly, telling him that she didn’t care for it anymore.
He was SO glad he kept it.
He gently shut the ring box before rushing out of his room, cursing as he stumbled over the mess he made on the floor. He leaped down the stairs and returned to Xichen panting. The kids, who were previously talking, suddenly fell quiet, peering giddily over the long sofa as they waited for something to happen. Zizhen grabbed his phone and began to record, to which Jiang Cheng wanted to smack the phone out of his hand, but he was pressed for time. Xichen looked at him in absolute bewilderment.
“Jingyi,” Jiang Cheng exhaled. “How much time do I have?”
Jingyi peered over at Zizhen’s phone clock before responding.
“9 minutes!” He chirped cheerfully. Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth before letting out another sigh.
“Next time, when you come up with such a f*cking brilliant idea, at LEAST give me 45 minutes, you hear me?” he growled. Jingyi nodded rigorously while Xichen looked between the two of them in confusion.
“J-Jiang Cheng,” Xichen stuttered. “I don’t understand. W-what are you . . .”
Jiang Cheng inhaled, bracing himself for what was to come, whatever it was, before going down on one knee, holding out the ring box and popping the lid open. He heard some gasps from the kids, but his eyes were focused on Xichen, who fell silent at the realization of what Jiang Cheng was doing. Xichen stared at him with trembling eyes that searched his face, trying to understand.
Jiang Cheng took one more deep breath before he plunged into the depths of his decision, facing the consequences head-on.
“Xichen,” he began.
Xichen slowly nodded.
“I would be saying a lot more, had I been given more than 9 - now, probably 8 - minutes, and this was honestly not how I expected to do this, but here we are,” Jiang Cheng bit out, giving a quick glare to Jingyi (who had the audacity to give him a thumbs up). “However, I can’t let you face Uncle Qiren knowing that you’ll be hurt again, and I certainly can’t have you believe that you are unlovable. Jingyi, along with many others, can attest to loving you . . . including me. Xichen . . . I’ve loved you this past few years, and loving you has never felt easier. You, with all your beauty and flaws, traits and mistakes, laughter and moods - you’ve made my world a more colorful place, and I cannot imagine leading a life where I didn’t know you. Or at least it would be a much sadder life. Because Xichen, you . . . all of you . . . you make my life so much more lovely, so much more beautiful than I could ever ask for. So . . . with that . . . Xichen. Would . . . would you marry me?”
Xichen was dead silent.
He stared at him like he was lost, his mouth opening and then closing again, words failing to pass from his lips. Jiang Cheng sighed.
Of course, he wouldn’t want to marry Jiang Cheng for real.
He was a fool for even hoping for that.
“You can reject me once you are done with your meeting,” He said, forcing a casual smile. “It’s okay. You can cancel the engagement as soon as you are done. It’s fine. Really.”
Xichen blinked rapidly, snapping out of his stupor.
“I-wha-yes! Yes, I’ll marry you, Jiang Cheng!” Xichen exclaimed. “But-”
“Good,” Jiang Cheng said, taking the ring out of the case and grabbing Xichen’s hand, causing Xichen to stumble forward a little. With shaky hands, Jiang Cheng carefully slid the ring onto Xichen’s finger, the ring sliding on with ease, the silver, magenta, and violet glimmering against Xichen’s smooth, pale skin.
He heard Xichen squeak, but he kept his eyes down, unable to look him in the eye. He wouldn’t be able to bear it if he saw Xichen’s expression and to see the embarrassment or relief that would be written all over his face.
Embarrassment about how he, Jiang Cheng, was proposing to him, and relief about how it would be broken off as soon as he was done with Uncle Qiren.
“Jingyi,” Jiang Cheng barked, whipping his head to look at the boy, who nearly jumped out of his seat. “How much time?”
Jingyi turned on his phone to check the clock.
“One minute!” He shouted.
“And THAT is your cue to leave, my fiancé,” Jiang Cheng declared, pushing Xichen out of the house, his worn hands pressing against his broad back as he shoved him across the floor.
“J-Jiang Cheng! W-Wait-” Xichen stuttered.
“Nope,” Jiang Cheng interrupted forcefully. “No time to talk. Uncle Qiren will kill you AND me if you’re late. Now go!”
He kicked open the front door and pushed Xichen out on the doorstep with one final shove, Xichen stumbling forward on the doormat. He looked back at Jiang Cheng, confused, concerned, and breathless.
Jiang Cheng froze for a moment, looking at him. Xichen’s brow was furrowed in worry for him, and the fact that Xichen still cared for him at this moment pained Jiang Cheng so much that he couldn’t bear to face him for a moment longer.
“Go,” he commanded. “Your family is waiting for you.”
And with that, he slammed the door shut.
. . .
To say that Jiang Cheng had messed up would be the understatement of the year.
He paced around in his bedroom, ruffling his hair and biting back tears for the umpteenth time. He really shouldn’t cry over something so petty. He should have known that he always ruins good things for himself. He should have known that life was going too well for him and the other shoe was bound to drop soon. Yet these thoughts only made the pain sharper in his chest.
He tried to even out his breath to match the rhythm of his footsteps, but it was hard when it felt like his world was falling apart.
He should have known that he was asking for too much. He should have learned from his parents’ harsh words and his siblings’ wonderful lives that happiness was meant for others, and he should settle with being content. And yet, when Jin Ling and his friends brought laughter into his living room and Xichen brought a heartwarming smile and comforting words to his doorstep, he couldn’t help but wonder if a spark of happiness was within reach. He should have known that reaching out for it would only break the little bubble of warmth he had managed to make for himself.
For him and him alone, wishing for happiness, much less love, was the equivalent of hubris.
He breathed out a sigh, feeling shaky and numb, which was better than feeling like he was about to cry or break something. He glanced at the clock by his bedstand. It was about time for him to start cooking dinner for the kids. He felt so tired emotionally that he considered ordering in, but he figured that would be rude when Jin Ling’s friends were guests. With another sigh, he made his way across the room, navigating through the mess he left earlier when finding the ring.
He made his way down to the kitchen, keenly aware of the not-so-subtle glances from the kids as they continued gaming. He shuffled about, going through the motions to make a stir-fry, chopping up the beef into chucks dazedly.
He suddenly heard a clatter in the kitchen and he looked up. Jin Ling grabbed some carrots from the fridge and began to wash and peel the outside of them. When the boy felt his stare crawling on his back, he looked at his uncle like he was stupid.
“What? I’m helping you cook,” Jin Ling huffed. Jiang Cheng didn’t know what to say to that, so he nodded and continued chopping. With the two of them working together, they made quick progress, and soon they were chopping the final green onions to add to the dish. With their cutting boards set up side by side, they chopped quietly, some ingredients simmering on the stove behind them, while others were set off in bowls to the side.
“ . . . Your proposal to Mr. Xichen . . .” Jin Ling muttered. Jiang Cheng stiffened before slowly resuming his chopping. Jin Ling glanced at his cutting board before continuing.
“Your proposal. That was your confession, wasn’t it? . . .” Jin Ling whispered. Jiang Cheng froze, his hands still, hovering over the board. He contemplated lying, but clearly, Jin Ling was trying to get at something, and he trusted the boy.
Besides, he was too tired to lie.
He sighed heavily.
“Yeah.”
Jin Ling’s chopping ceased as well. A silence over them for a moment before it was too much for Jiang Cheng. He finished up his chopping and slid the green onions into a bowl with one fluid motion.
“Don’t worry your head over it, A-Ling,” he said nonchalantly, though he wondered if he was saying it more to himself. He saw Jin Ling nod in his peripheral vision and then finish up his chopping. Jiang Cheng grabbed the bowl he used and handed it to Jin Ling.
However, Jin Ling held the bowl for a moment between them, not pulling it out of his grasp. Jiang Cheng looked up at the kid, whose brow was furrowed as he stared back at him. He opened his mouth and then closed it, trying to find words. Then, with an inhale, Jin Ling spoke.
“I-If . . . If Mr. Xichen doesn’t return your feelings . . . I’m gonna slap him. Because that’s really stupid.”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened as he stared into his nephew’s determined face. A moment of silence fell between them. Then, Jiang Cheng snorted, smiling at Jin Ling’s strange form of kindness, a bit of the numbness dissipating from his chest. He released the bowl so he could use that hand to ruffle his hair.
“I prefer you not slap my crush,” he chuckled. “Besides, imagine the fit Jingyi would throw if he saw.”
“I can deal with Jingyi!” Jin Ling protested.
“Maybe for the first week,” Jiang Cheng replied. “But give it two weeks and then his whining will become too annoying to bear.”
“Don’t underestimate me,” Jin Ling muttered.
“I’m not,” Jiang Cheng said.
“Sure.” Jin Ling rolled his eyes. Jiang Cheng chuckled, knowing very well where he picked that up from.
They finished up the rest of the cooking in silence, but the quiet space felt warmer, as though the stove was thawing a little bit of the ice that had seeped into the crevices of Jiang Cheng’s breaking heart. By the time that dinner was ready, and he sat at the table with the rest of the kids, he felt slightly more put together.
More like he was better resigned to his fate.
His fate of a failed engagement and a lost friendship with Xichen.
He still felt too worn to participate much in conversation, so he was grateful that the kids seemed to sense this, talking amongst themselves instead. He listened in the background as they debated answers on their homework and complained about unreasonable teachers. Being a fly on the wall while they chatted and shouted and laughed gave him a makeshift sort of peace.
But the peace didn’t last for very long.
He only had a few bites of dinner before he heard the front door click and swing open. Immediately alert, he stood up abruptly, hastily wiping his mouth on his napkin before striding over to the entryway.
This person was able to unlock the door.
There was only one person he ever gave a key to his house to.
And he was supposed to be out for much longer than this.
And yet, he was stopped short, freezing in place when the man from his dreams - and perhaps now, his nightmares - came out of the dark of the entryway, panting lightly and eyes sparkling with determination and desperation as he looked back at him. His ivory turtleneck and beige coat were disheveled and his hair had stray flyaways, but he was just as breathtaking as he was in the moment Jiang Cheng first realized he had fallen for him.
Xichen. He was here.
Here.
And he wasn’t supposed to be here.
“Xichen,” Jiang Cheng breathed.
“Wanyin,” Xichen panted. Jiang Cheng sharply inhaled at that. His courtesy name. Uttered from Xichen’s lips, like he was itching to say it since the random evening Jiang Cheng mentioned that it would be nice to be called that.
Like he was waiting months - no, years - to endear him like this.
“W-What are you doing here?” Jiang Cheng managed to stutter out, trying to calm the foolish pounding of his heart. “Aren’t you supposed to be with-”
“We need to talk,” Xichen interrupted, taking his wrist and dragging him upstairs. Jiang Cheng stumbled over the steps as he was taken into his bedroom, Xichen shutting the door behind him with his other hand.
The grip on his wrist felt so warm and stable.
But Jiang Cheng knew it meant nothing.
He quickly withdrew from Xichen’s grasp, withdrawing further into the room. He stared down at the floor, trying to stabilize himself.
“Xichen, what are you doing here? You weren’t supposed to be back until later,” he asked, keeping most of his voice from trembling.
“I came to clear up some things with you,” Xichen replied, stepping forward.
Jiang Cheng’s blood turned cold.
So he wanted to cancel the engagement that desperately.
Jiang Cheng swallowed and opened his mouth to say something, anything. An apology, his regrets, his understanding of his unrequited feelings. Anything.
But he was cut short by Xichen's arms wrapping around the small of his back, pulling him into a tight embrace. His words were lodged in his throat as his chest was pressed flush against his, Xichen holding him close, a hand burying itself in his hair as Xichen breathed into the crook of his neck. Jiang Cheng’s heart stuttered in his chest as his cheeks grew warm at the intimacy of the hug.
Hesitantly, Jiang Cheng placed his shaky hands on Xichen’s back, leaning his head against his, listening to his soft breathing in the silence.
“Wanyin . . . my Wanyin . . .” Xichen hushed into the crook of his neck, chanting it like a prayer. Jiang Cheng shakily tried to stabilize his breathing, rubbing circles into his back.
He wasn’t sure what came over Xichen, and he wasn’t about to guess. However, soon enough, he didn’t need to, because Xichen began to answer his questions.
“Wanyin . . . I don’t want to break off our engagement,” Xichen uttered next to his ear.
Jiang Cheng forgot how to breathe.
What?
He . . . he didn’t . . .
What??
“What??” Jiang Cheng gasped, trying to pull out of the embrace. However, Xichen’s hands caught him, holding his waist close so that he could only pull away enough to look at Xichen face-to-face, their faces close enough that their breaths mingled in the same space, warming the air between them.
Xichen looked deadly serious, and Jiang Cheng didn’t know what to do.
“Wanyin,” he murmured. “I don’t want to break our engagement. I’ve wanted to marry you for a long time, and I’ve wanted to date you for even longer. I realized the moment that you proposed to me so sweetly that I want to be engaged to you now and not a moment later, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I want to be married to you and only you. So please . . . keep this engagement with me.”
Jiang Cheng stared at him, absolutely winded by his words. Words too sweet and saccharine to believe, especially when he had been craving such words for longer than he could remember. He leaned away, despite being trapped in Xichen’s grasp, and looked away.
“C-Can you let go of me?” He choked out. “I think I’ve fully gone insane. I think I need to sleep or bang my head on a wall or something.”
“You’re not insane,” Xichen replied.
“Then you’ve gone insane,” Jiang Cheng insisted instead. “How about you go home and get your brain back in order, and we’ll talk about this-”
“Wanyin,” Xichen growled.
Jiang Cheng stiffened. He never heard Xichen growl like that. Ever. He cautiously nodded, letting him continue. Xichen sighed, looking more exasperated than annoyed, and leaned his forehead to rest on Jiang Cheng, causing Jiang Cheng’s breath to hitch.
“I’m sorry I seemed hesitant earlier,” Xichen said. “I was merely surprised. After all, it’s not every day you get presented with a dream come true.”
“I’m not good at lying,” Xichen admitted. “So when Lan Qiren and Wangji had suspicions about my engagement, it didn’t take long before I spilled everything to them. However, they also heard about how deeply I am in love with you and how I was panicking because I wanted to keep this proposal, but I didn’t know if you wanted the same. Lan Qiren encouraged me to return to you, for he said it was unlikely for you to do such a thing in the first place if there wasn’t the hope of true marriage.”
“Wanyin,” he hushed, his voice shaky as he stared at Jiang Cheng. “You do want to marry me . . . right?”
Jiang Cheng stared at him, seeing how vulnerable Xichen suddenly seemed, his gaze shaky and filled with naked hope. Jiang Cheng swallowed, deciding that he couldn’t let him believe anything besides the truth.
“Yes,” he murmured. “Yes. Yes, a hundred times over. I’ve never wanted anything more than that.”
He saw Xichen’s eyes light up with hope and joy, sparkling like the stars.
“B-But!” Jiang Cheng pushed on, not wanting Xichen to make a decision he would regret. “I really think you should think this through more. After all, marriage vows are for life. And I’m not an easy man to spend your entire life with. You might not want to do this.”
Xichen leaned away slightly, tilting his head at Jiang Cheng in confusion.
“And why would you say that?” Xichen asked. Jiang Cheng snorted.
“Because I’m a horrible person and would make your life miserable?” Jiang Cheng offered. Xichen’s brow furrowed and his grip on Jiang Cheng tightened.
“You aren’t,” Xichen shot back. “And you would make my life amazing. Every day would be a joy with you.”
“Yeah, right,” Jiang Cheng sighed. “You would get sick of my awful attitude and angry demeanor in the first few days, if not the first few hours of being married to me.”
“And how did you reach that conclusion?”
“Xichen, it always happens that way. Every person I’ve met only stays so long before they get sick of me. It’s just how it is.”
“Jiang Cheng, answer me this. Have you ever put up a front around me?”
“ . . . No. No, I guess not.”
“Right. You’ve been your honest, angry self around me.”
“Yes.”
“You’ve even been so honest as to sometimes share your concerns, frustrations, and worries with me . . . unless you were lying about those?”
“What? No! Of course, I wouldn’t lie about that!”
“That’s what I thought . . . Wanyin.”
“ . . . Yeah?”
“I’ve been with you for years. Years, Wanyin. I’ve seen your ups and downs. Your good days and bad days. You’ve told me your fears and concerns, just as I’ve told you mine. You’ve complained about hard cases and the kids just as I’ve complained about coworkers and unreasonable deadlines. I’ve learned that you are picky with your coffee. I’ve learned that you miss singing lullabies to Jin Ling. I’ve learned that you refuse to wear slippers because they make your feet itch. I’ve learned that you dreamed of running a dog shelter when you were a kid. Wanyin, I know you. I know you, and you - all of you - are what keep me coming back to this place, staying until deep into the night, talking about everything and nothing. You are what I love, what I cherish, what I adore. You are so incredible to me . . . which is why I want to keep all of you for the rest of my life.”
Jiang Cheng was speechless. He had nothing to say to that because it was all true. He had become scarily open with Xichen, trusting him with all of himself, even the ugliest parts. Xichen made it easy for him to open up, and he expected Xichen to leave.
But Xichen stayed. Or rather, he kept coming back to him.
And it floored him.
But it was clear that - for reasons that were beyond him - Xichen truly wanted him.
Xichen . . . truly loved him. For nothing else other than . . . him being him.
Jiang Cheng slowly lifted a trembling hand and gently caressed Xichen’s face. Xichen was startled at first, but then he sighed, leaning into the touch, causing Jiang Cheng’s heart to pound in his chest.
“ . . . So. You . . . you love me?” Jiang Cheng asked slowly.
“Yes,” Xichen replied, not hesitating for even a second.
“ . . . you love all of me?”
“Yes.”
“Flaws, insecurities, quirks . . . everything?”
“Yes.”
“ . . . And you really . . . like, REALLY . . . want to spend your whole life with me?”
“I want nothing more.”
Jiang Cheng stared into Xichen’s eyes, winded by how honest his gaze was. Xichen looked at him like he was Xichen’s entire world.
Just like how Jiang Cheng looked at Xichen.
After a moment of silence that hung in the air like an oppressive wave of humidity, Jiang Cheng let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes and opening them to give Xichen a gaze of cautious determination.
“ . . . Okay. Let’s . . . let’s stay engaged,” Jiang Cheng declared. Xichen’s eyes widened before he gave him a smile so warm it was bone-melting. Xichen tilted his head to press a gentle kiss into the palm that cradled his cheek, making Jiang Cheng’s heart skip a beat.
“Thank you, my love,” Xichen hushed. Jiang Cheng slowly nodded.
“That being said . . .” Jiang Cheng continued. Xichen peered back up at him in curiosity.
“I demand that you allow me to know you as well,” Jiang Cheng said. “And I mean all of you as well. N-Not that I know nothing about you, of course. I know much about you - many of your quirks, your fixations, your interests, your frustrations, and your fears. But I know that you often tailor your complaints and hurt to be more . . . digestible for me, so to speak. I don’t want you to do that. I want you to fully lean on me, just as you have allowed me to fully lean on you. Obviously, you don’t have to force yourself to be completely vulnerable overnight. Just . . . when the day doesn’t go your way, or your ugliest insecurities rear their heads, I . . . I want you to be able to come to me. I want to provide comfort to you. Tell you that you - all of you - are beautiful, including your worst parts. So . . . I guess what I’m trying to say is . . . give me a chance to care for you too, okay?”
Xichen stared at him, looking lost. Jiang Cheng squirmed a bit in his arms, wondering if he misspoke. Suddenly, silent tears fell from Xichen’s eyes. Jiang Cheng tensed, quickly bringing up his other hand so that he cupped Xichen’s face, brushing away the tears with his thumbs.
“Xichen?!” He exclaimed, starting to panic. “Xichen, I - sh*t - I’m so, so sorry. I - I overstepped -”
However, he was cut off when Xichen took one of his wrists and began to kiss it with a shaky smile, tenderly pressing kisses to it over and over. Jiang Cheng swallowed, his words stuck in his throat.
“I’m not upset, Wanyin,” he hushed once he was done kissing. “I’m simply touched. Those words mean so much to me. So, so much to me. You are truly something incredible, Wanyin. I love you.”
Jiang Cheng blushed, flustered.
“I-I try my best, I guess,” he stuttered.
Xichen chuckled softly, leaning into the hand that remained on his cheek while he held the wrist of the other, lowering it slightly as he rubbed circles along the inside of the wrist with his thumb. Jiang Cheng stared at the gentle tendrils of warmth in Xichen’s caramel irises, lost in the tender love and awe in them, amazed and grateful at how it was directed toward him. His gaze lowered to Xichen’s pale pink lips, and he couldn’t help but lower his hand on Xichen’s cheek to gently place his thumb on them. He marveled at how soft his lips felt on his calloused thumb.
The warmth grew between them as Xichen lowered his gaze, noticing the contact on his lips. He parted his lips and allowed the thumb to enter his mouth just enough so he could bite on it gently. Jiang Cheng’s breath hitched as Xichen lightly sucked on his thumb before releasing it, his lips making the quietest *pop* sound as it detached from Jiang Cheng’s skin. Jiang Cheng’s breath slowed as he moved his hand back to Xichen’s cheek so that he could come closer, their lips inches away from each other.
“ . . . May I?” Jiang Cheng whispered.
“Please,” Xichen hushed, pleading.
Jiang Cheng needed no more convincing.
So he kissed him.
It was everything Jiang Cheng dreamed of and more. Jiang Cheng buried his hands in Xichen’s hair as Xichen held him by the waist, lost in how soft and warm Xichen’s lips and mouth were, as smooth as blossom petals warmed by the golden morning light. Xichen’s arms wrapped around Jiang Cheng’s waist so firmly, like they were designed to hold him close. Sparks of joy and wonder set off in Jiang Cheng’s chest as a waft of Xichen’s scent met his senses, the smell of gentians and lilies so enchanting that he wanted to drown it in. He felt like he might fly away with the awe and glee bubbling up in his chest.
He couldn’t believe he was marrying this man.
All too soon, Jiang Cheng and Xichen parted, both breathing heavily. Jiang Cheng stared in amazement at Xichen. A pink blush dusted Xichen’s cheeks and ears, his hair mussed up from Jiang Cheng’s hands. Xichen looked at him dazedly, his eyes sparkling like the stars.
Xichen was a sight to behold.
“Wow,” Jiang Cheng gasped, immediately blushing brightly at how raspy his voice had become from the kiss. Xichen chuckled at this, brushing away a stray hair from Jiang Cheng’s face.
“Wow indeed,” Xichen murmured. “You’re a great kisser.”
Jiang Cheng turned even redder and looked away, covering his face with his hand.
“Shut up, you smoother talker,” he mumbled. Xichen laughed quietly at his before lapsing into a content silence, still holding Jiang Cheng in his arms. They looked at each other, reveling in this warmth they now shared in peaceful silence, simply watching each other, perfectly happy. Finally, Xichen slowly loosened his hold and Jiang Cheng understood the cue, gently stepping out of his hold.
“We should go back,” Xichen murmured. “I’m sure the kids would like to know what happened. And I should call Wangji and Lan Qiren to let them know it all went well.”
“Yeah,” Jiang Cheng agreed. “I bet the kids were wondering why you dragged me away from dinner out of nowhere.”
“Sorry about that,” Xichen muttered. “I bet your dinner is cold by now.”
“You silly man,” Jiang Cheng snorted. “This was worth a thousand cold dinners, easily.” Xichen chuckled at that.
“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” Xichen said before turning to the door, opening it a crack before turning back to Jiang Cheng. “Let’s go.”
“Oh! W-Wait!’ Jiang Cheng exclaimed. Xichen gave him a confused look. Jiang Cheng felt his cheeks warm again as he walked up and reached up to fix Xichen’s hair. Xichen’s eyes widened at first, but then he hummed in satisfaction, quietly watching as Jiang Cheng worked.
“T-There,” Jiang Cheng stuttered, stepping back. However, before he could fully step away, Xichen leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Jiang Cheng jolted back.
“Thank you . . . fiancé,” Xichen murmured lowly with a smile. Jiang Cheng felt his blush go down to his neck.
“I-you-sure! Whatever! It was nothing!” Jiang Cheng choked out before marching out the door. Xichen laughed as he followed after him.
When they came downstairs, they did inform the kids about their decision to keep the engagement. Zizhen was ecstatic and Sizhui congratulated them. Jingyi was quite smug, claiming that they could thank him for his amazing matchmaking skills, to which Jin Ling said that he didn’t do sh*t. However, Jin Ling’s satisfaction with Jingyi’s offense was short-lived, for Jingyi soon realized that technically, he and Jin Ling would be related. To Jin Ling’s horror, not only was that factually correct, but Jingyi chose to remind Jin Ling of that fact for the next two weeks as well. The wedding planning was messy and complicated, for it seemed that Jiang Cheng’s AND Xichen’s families were determined to make their wedding PERFECT, even if Jiang Cheng and Xichen could really care less. The wedding itself was quite lovely, even if Xichen had to help calm down a sobbing Lan Qiren and Jiang Cheng had to calm down a frantic Wei Wuxian, who freaked out over every single food delivery that was the slightest bit late. Many times at the wedding, Jiang Cheng and Xichen were asked about their love story. When Xichen was asked, he would describe it as a perfect love story, where he and Jiang Cheng fell in love gradually and deeply until marriage was inevitable.
In contrast, when Jiang Cheng was asked, he would describe it as anything but perfect. It was messy and confusing and unclear, their love so gradual and natural that he was unsure how to even begin to approach it. Thus, he proposed to Xichen in a very unexpected situation, where neither he nor Xichen was prepared for it, and he was forced to propose in under 20 minutes.
But, in the end, the 20-minute proposal worked out, because they had loved each other many, many more minutes before then to make up for it.
So he wouldn’t want the proposal to have gone any other way.
Yeah. 20 minutes was plenty.
Because now, they had a lifetime together.