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He shifted for the third time within a five-minute timeframe, finding a position he was comfortable with. This time, he lay on his side, facing away from the windows.
He glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it read that it was already quarter to three and way past his regular sleep hours. He had already settled himself in bed four hours ago but despite being exhausted with the day’s routine, sleep just evaded him.
It was frustrating to say the least!
The night before, he spent at his parents’ house. It was his father’s birthday and they had celebrated it with drinks. He drank a bit of sake and spent the night in his old bedroom. He didn’t think anything was amiss and fell asleep immediately.
But now, back in their place, the home they moved in together, he really felt the loss of warmth in the space beside him.
Without Syuusuke, this bed feels so cold and empty.
It was the first time that he was spending the night at their apartment alone. It felt so strange. Undeniably, Fuji’s presence was what made this place like home. Where Fuji was, Tezuka considered as home. With him not here beside him, it just feels like Fuji took away the comfort and warmth along with him.
He’s not sure if he’s being too dramatic. It wasn’t like Fuji left him for good! He was just travelling to Okinawa with his family to attend his cousin’s wedding. He was supposed to go with him, but much to his dismay, there was a conflict in his schedule. His manager had already signed him up to do some charity tennis event months ago, that was taking place this week. He didn’t have the heart to cancel, especially when it was for a good cause and some fans bought it in hopes of watching him. He didn’t want that to go to waste and wanted to make sure that they did not regret their purchase.
Fuji was quite bummed that they wouldn’t be going together but wasn’t that upset with him. He wanted to extend their stay in Okinawa to enjoy the beach and travel around the island. But he shrugged and reassured him that they would do it sometime next month when their schedules freed up a little more.
So off Fuji went, leaving him here behind, in their Tokyo apartment.
He turned to face the side of the bed where Fuji slept. There were no traces of him, unlike those rare times he would wake up to find that he was no longer in bed but was probably tending to his plants. Tonight, his side of the bed was made, his pillows puffed up and placed neatly by the headboard. No messy blankets that Tezuka had to fold himself when Fuji forgot to do so.
He couldn’t help but run his hand on the sheets, imagining that his lover was just right beside him, snuggling close to him for warmth.
Since he was a light sleeper, he would get awakened by Fuji shifting his position as he slept. This mildly irritated Tezuka as there would be times that he would need to be well-rested for a game but would find Fuji’s curling up to him, his hand on his chest or his leg wrapping around him. But now he didn’t care if Fuji moved a lot in his sleep, he just wanted him back here. He wanted to hold him close and just be together.
He had been away from Fuji a lot though? He had matches abroad and that conflicted with some work that Fuji had, and he couldn’t come along with him. But perhaps the difference was that he stayed at a hotel, that resembled nothing like their home and mostly he was too focused on his matches, sometimes even forgetting to contact Fuji because he’d stay away from his phone so that he wouldn’t distract himself of the outside noise.
But when he thought about it now, especially with this painful feeling in his chest now that Fuji was away, he couldn’t help but grasp how Fuji must have felt whenever he closed himself off to focus on his matches and couldn’t even talk to him properly for days. He knows that Fuji is nothing but understanding and supportive of him and his tennis career, while he on the other hand seemed to be a very terrible partner to have been putting his other half in this kind of situation while he only thought about his tennis career.
Tezuka didn’t even realize that he also could become as needy as he was right now. If he was being like this after just one night of being left behind, he really felt like an absolute jerk because Fuji had to endure this kind of solitude for weeks on end. Did Fuji also look at his side of the bed and had a rough time sleeping? Did he have the urge to call him, but held himself back because he knew it would disturb Tezuka as he prepared himself for his matches? Did he feel lonely when he received very uninterested two word replies from Tezuka after days of no response?
When he thought about how he could have possibly made Fuji cry by himself because there he might have had a bad day but he there would have been no way he would have told him that because he had always been considerate about Tezuka’s mental wellbeing before matches, he wanted to punch himself in the gut. This was unforgivable. He had to change to become a better boyfriend for him.
He was so lucky to have him. Fuji once told him a few years back that he knew that his main priority was always going to be tennis and but he still he just wanted to be by his side. He said that even if Tezuka could only spare him crumbs of his time and attention, he still wanted them, nonetheless. Syuusuke has so much love for him that sometimes he doesn’t even know if he deserved it even just a tiny fraction of it.
After he got back from matches, Fuji would cling so much to him and shower him with so much love and attention. He had told him those times that he missed Tezuka so much and was so happy that he was back and that they could spend some time together until the next one. Of course, he felt the same, but he felt like he should have done more to make up for all that time he was away.
How did Fuji even deal with someone like him? How had he not been tired of staying in a relationship where he couldn’t receive the same kind of love he had been giving?
He grabbed one of his lover’s pillows, wrapped his arms around it and pulled it close to his face. It had the faint smell of Fuji and this gave him comfort. He inhaled and the pillow had traces of Fuji’s pomegranate shampoo and there was a whiff of vanilla and almond. Both of which, were scents of the skin care products that he used. This gave Tezuka a bit of comfort even when he wasn’t there with him.
He buried his face further into the soft cushion that usually rested Fuji’s head, thinking to himself that he was hugging his partner, not a pillow.
He missed him so much.
--
He awoke to his phone ringing. He realized that he was able to fall asleep after all, thanks to Fuji’s pillow.
It wasn’t his alarm, but his voice call tone. His hand reached out for the phone that vibrated on the bedside table and squinted his eye open to see who was calling. The phone’s caller ID read, Syuusuke.
Tezuka bolted up from the bed, feeling very much awake even though he had only less than four hours of sleep. He fixed his bed hair a bit and grabbed his glasses from the desk and placed it on the bridge of his nose. He then answered the video call.
On his screen, there Fuji was, looking very cheerful as morning rays touched his face. He was talking the call outside, with nature right behind him.
“Mitsu, good morning!” Fuji greeted him but then noticed the familiar look of their bedroom. “It looks like I woke you up, I’m sorry about that.” He was apologetic and noted seeing that Tezuka’s hair seems to still be disheveled and still had been in his sleeping clothes.
“Good morning, Syuusuke. I was about to get up soon anyway, don’t worry about it.” He reassured him. Tezuka was surprised himself as he usually woke up before his alarm even rang but being away from Syuusuke had taken its toll on him and he slept past it. It had been set to ring almost one and a half hour ago.
Fuji chuckled a bit. Oh, how Tezuka wanted to teleport all the way to Hokkaido to pull him into a tight hug. He missed his daily dose of sunshine so much. “I called because I wanted to show you this view.” The screen then showed him a view of the beachfront. The vast blue sea met with the blue sky. “It’s so beautiful and I wanted you to see it. The weather is nice too.”
“Indeed.” Tezuka agreed. “Are you having fun?”
“Yes! Nee-san, Yuuta and I took it easy yesterday. We lazed around the beach in the morning, went to the shopping streets for a little bit and ate some good food. Nee-san said she wanted to try snorkeling so that’s what we’ll be doing in a while. We’re also going to be exploring some of the remote islands. I heard that the views there are spectacular. I’ll take some pictures and send them over to you.”
“I’m glad that you’re enjoying.” Tezuka smiled. He loved listening to Fuji’s stories. In fact, he just loved listening to Fuji’s voice in general. His mellow voice was so soothing for him, he could listen to it all day.
“Mhmm.” Fuji nodded but became more serious. “You seem tired though?” Of course, that would not escape Fuji as he too, was a keen observer, despite the bedroom being dim as Tezuka hasn’t opened the curtains yet.
“Ah...” He affirmed in how he usually does. “I couldn’t sleep well. You weren’t here.” He stated bluntly. Usually, he wouldn’t have been so frank about his feelings, but last night had been rough on him. He really was yearning for the comfort and warmth that sleeping beside his partner brought. He couldn’t do without it now.
On the other end of the line, Fuji’s eyes widened. Tezuka showed affection through his actions so those rare moments that Tezuka was vulnerable and was open to talk about what he was thinking took him by surprise. Even when he could tell what was going through his head by looking at his expressions, observing how his fingers and backed tensed, how he pursed his lips or how his ears reddened, but it hit differently when it was words coming out directly from Tezuka.
“Mitsu…” He started. “I’m s—”
“Don’t apologize, my love.” Tezuka cut him off before he could say anything else. “This is an important event for you and your family. It’s a conflict in our schedules that couldn’t be helped.”
“Mitsu…” Fuji’s voice trailed, unsure of what to say next and Tezuka heard some noises. It was Yuuta calling out to his older brother. Tezuka saw Fuji mouth to Yuuta that he’ll be done with the call soon and to go ahead.
Tezuka not wanting to delay him but also wanted to re-assure his partner broke the silence. “We can call later, Syuusuke. I will prepare for practice too.”
Fuji hesitated still so Tezuka continued. “I want you to enjoy yourself today and later when we video call, won’t you tell me all about it?”
That seemed to cheer up Fuji and he smiled. “Of course, Mitsu. I can’t wait.”
He smiled back, feeling the warmest that he did for the past two days. “Aa. I love you, Syuusuke.”
“I love you too Mitsu! So much!” Fuji had the brightest expression on his face and Tezuka really hated that it wasn’t possible to teleport to kiss him right now.
“Later then.”
--
Tezuka was in the kitchen when he heard the door open. He was brewing himself some tea and he immediately put the tea pot down to rush to the door.
It was Syuusuke. It had to be! He was back!
He was very athletic, but he felt his heart thumping fast as if he just sprinted a lap. He had been very excited to have Syuusuke come home and he today he was just on the edge, feeling it in every part of his body.
As he reached the entrance of their home, there he saw a slightly tanned Syuusuke carrying his luggage and a paper bag full of souvenirs in tow. He put the bag down first before Fuji turned to look at him, his warm cerulean eyes meeting his brown ones.
Even before Fuji could say anything, Tezuka already walked up to him and enclosed him into a tight hug. “Okaerinasai, Syuusuke.” He whispered while he buried his face on Fuji’s shoulder, inhaling the scent that he missed terribly, enclosing his arms on the warmth that he had been sleepless without. “I missed you so much.”
“Mitsu…” Fuji was taken aback by Tezuka’s sudden embrace because he usually wasn’t like this at all. Of course, he knew that Tezuka also loved him and showed it to him in his own ways, but he wasn’t as affectionate as he was. But today, somehow, he felt there was a certain yearning, even some kind of desperation, he thought, in his touch now that he hadn’t felt before. In their call a few days back, he found out that Tezuka also had been feeling lonely without him, which made his heart well up with so much fondness. He hated to make him feel that way, but also it made him happy to know that he was needed by him, that Tezuka longed for him as much as Fuji did for him.
“Tadaima…” He closed his eyes and returned Tezuka’s feelings with the same fervor.
--
Everything felt right in the world. Tezuka thought.
Underneath the blanket, lay the two of them entangled with each other’s bodies. Fuji was asleep, his body rising and falling as he breathed, with his head on Tezuka’s shoulder and his hand on his chest. He looked so tranquil that Tezuka couldn’t help but give him another peck on the forehead before brushing off some strands of hair from Fuji’s face.
They had passionately made love for hours, kissing, sucking, nipping, licking, touching, and caressing each other. Tezuka felt like he had to make up not just for the lost time when Fuji was on vacation, but for every other time as well. He had made Fuji cry out his name in immense pleasure too many times to count and worn him out so much that he just passed out after the last time Tezuka made him cum. Tezuka had so much overflowing feelings that he wanted his lover to know but could not find enough words to express. If he couldn’t find words, then he had to communicate it to him with his body.
He held his beloved tight, content that Fuji was in his arms and not miles away from him. He was bursting with so much energy, despite lack of sleep for the past few days and the hours he spent being intimate in bed with Fuji. He couldn’t sleep. He didn’t want to sleep. He just wanted to lay here and bask in the moment of them being together.
Many hours have passed, and their room was now dark. With his free hand, Tezuka had been reading and replying to some tennis-related mails. After a while, he felt Fuji shift underneath him and so he put down his phone to caress Fuji’s shoulder. Business would have to wait.
“Mitsu…” Fuji groaned, half asleep or probably was talking in his sleep.
“I’m here Syuusuke…” He assured him and adjusted the blanket as it dropped down to below Fuji’s shoulder’s, giving him chills.
Fuji snuggled closer to him and sighed with relief. “I missed you and this.” His eyes fluttered open, and he turned up to look at Tezuka in a daze. Even still, Tezuka found him still look breathtaking and glowing as ever. He adored him so much.
“Did you have a good rest?” Tezuka asked and Fuji nodded. “Are you sore anywhere?” He probed while his other hand was rubbing his back.
“Saa… Mit…su… you were like a feral beast; you really let me have it. I was so surprised. I am a bit sore but mostly fine, don’t worry my love.” He teased his usually stoic lover to embarrass him a bit.
Tezuka, now having regained some of his composure, blushed a bit and cleared his throat, feeling a tinge of guilt. “I apologize. I had been careless and got carried away.”
“It’s okay.” Fuji caressed his face and gave him a slow peck on the lips. “I just need some rest and I should be okay.”
“Would you like to shower? I can prepare the bath for you.” Tezuka offered.
“Give me a few minutes, Mitsu.” Fuji responded lazily. “Join me in the bath? Since I am a bit sore, you’ll have to take responsibility and take care of me for the rest of the day… and tomorrow.” He suggested innocently, trying to act cute for his partner.
“Aa.” Tezuka nodded and gave him another quick kiss back. “Although Syuusuke, I have a better idea.” He got up and gently pried away from Fuji a bit. “Let me just get something.”
“Mitsu?” Fuji looked at him curiously with his hand supporting his head. He watched Tezuka shift to get something from the bedside table, not knowing what his boyfriend was up to or what he meant. He admired Tezuka’s chiseled back and was amused to see that there were some scratches and red marks thanks to him.
After a bit of shuffling, Tezuka shifted back close to him and sat up, but this time he was holding a small velvet box. For someone so quick and sharp, Fuji’s mind had no time to register what was happening at all. All he knew was that Tezuka opened the box and there were two gold bands inside. He took one ring and proceeded to hold Fuji’s hand gently.
“Syuusuke…” Tezuka paused to compose himself. He hadn’t planned to do it in this situation. He had been thinking of doing some preparations for this moment, but somehow, he felt like there was no better time than now.
“Syuusuke, you’re the most important person to me and I would like to take care of you for the rest of my life. Would you allow me to do so?” He stated with so much conviction. He wasn’t sure if he needed to make a speech and he wanted to say a lot of things as well, but he felt like he needed to get to straight to the point at this time. He was always a man with a few words anyways.
Fuji was dumbfounded and noticed that his mouth was gaping at Tezuka’s words. He slowly got up and was still processing what just happened. “Mi-mitsu… are you proposing…?”
“Aa, Syuusuke. I will always put you first above all else from now on.” Fuji tensed when he heard that and felt Tezuka’s warm palm on his cheek. “Please forgive me for all this time I made you feel secondary to tennis.”
From the moment that they got together, Tezuka always put tennis as his topmost priority, and he was fine with that setup. Tennis was something that gave Tezuka’s life its meaning and was his motivation to get up in the morning for the longest time. Now, Tezuka was telling him that he will put him above tennis?
“Mitsu, you have no idea how much this means to me…”
Tezuka looked at him intently, his eyes never wavering and facing him head on with all his feelings, like he did with his tennis and Fuji knew he had to respond back properly.
Getting the other ring from the box, he faced the man he loved the most, his eyes sparkling with so much happiness he couldn’t contain to the point that started to cry. Being with Tezuka had been nothing but bliss for him, but he didn’t know he could receive even more happiness from him.
“Mitsu… let’s take care of each other… ne?”
He met with Tezuka’s eyes at and saw that he was also at the brink of tears. He put the gold band on Fuji’s ring finger. Fuji reciprocated and put the ring on Tezuka’s as well.
“Aa.”
They shared some kisses before they entered the shower together as an engaged couple.
--
“Where is the real you, Fuji?”
Right here, right by your side.