Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Five minutes.

That is all it took.

Chuuya Nakahara knew he was living his life on a tightrope over a vat of failure. He had been living like this ever since his adoptive older sister died entrusting him with her three kids: Akutagawa, Gin, and Kyoka. So Chuuya, the single flippant bartender, took on two more jobs on top of his college courses to care for these kids.

His older sister lived high class so he had to work three times as hard to maintain the large apartment she left to him and keep the kids at their private academy’s. Did he have to do this? No. Did he think that it would make their lives easier? Yes.

So he went along playing a very dangerous game of balancing checks and bills and making sure everyone was eating and getting where they needed to be on time.

Until one morning he slept in five minutes.

He woke up feeling sore and achy so he swore he would take ten seconds to pull himself together. The ten seconds turned into five minutes. Realistically that shouldn’t have mattered but everything went down from there.

He tried to make up for the time in a quick shower that morning but got distracted trying to bite back a panic attack. He couldn’t help is mind from spiraling into a demented hole about how this five minutes is what is going to lead to a slippery slope where he would lose everything that he had clung to so desperately in the years since Kouyou died.

Then their landlord came knocking about how he was two months overdue in rent. He started talking about how he hadn't kicked them out just because he knew Kouyou and bla blah blah. Chuuya had ushered him outside and shut the door. He really didn’t want the kids to hear even though they would know what was going on anyway.

They were too smart for him. Ryu and Gin, the twins, were too good at picking up on signs and knowing what was going on, even before Chuuya knew what was going on. Ryu would immediately jump down Chuuya’s throat and demand to know what was going on. Gin was much more reserved which was almost scarier. Chuuya never knew how much she knew.

Speaking of the kids, Kyouka couldn’t find her backpack and almost missed the bus. Akutagawa never got up on time and Chuuya almost forgot to wake him up. They got out the door just on time, giving Chuuya a moment to grieve his sanity before he had to get to the bus stop.

The elevator always seemed to take too long so Chuuya jammed in some earphones and straightened his suit. Well the mockery of a suit. It was a white dress shirt, gray vest, black dress pants, and an overcoat. It was the nicest thing he owned and the only thing making him look somewhat professional for his office job.
The elevator dinged and Chuuya sprang out, power walking as fast as he could manage.

Every morning on the way to the bus stop Chuuya passed the same homeless man and always gave him part of his lunch. This morning he didn’t even stop, just threw the whole bag at him and kept running trying not to miss the bus to work.

Chuuya wanted a car. Hell he actually wanted a motorcycle. But of course money was too tight for car payments and he would do anything just to breathe a little easier, even if it meant taking a filthy bus to work everyday.

But of course, since for some reason the universe hated him, he missed the bus.

With ten minutes to go to get to work on time, he forked over his careful savings to get an Uber who got him there ten minutes late.

And he almost thought he got away with it.

Almost.

Chuuya’s first job of the day was working for a law firm company, doing stupid menial tasks that no one else wanted to do for enough money a month to pay normal expenses. At 2 he would leave, go to the diner across the street and work there until 6 before getting home to the kids who would have hopefully completed their homework and made dinner. He would spend three hours attending online classes, trying so hard to get the final credits to graduate before heading out at 9:30 for a bar shift that lasted until well after midnight.

Then he would get up and do it again.

Because he was not going to ask for help.

He was going to keep these kids' lives relatively normal.

And he would pull it all off until they graduated and he completed school

Except today when his boss came by with notices that laid off half the underlings. Chuuya’s heart leaped into his throat as he scrambled to his feet.

“Ma’am!” shouted Chuuya, running up behind his boss. She turned back to him, already looking sympathetic.

“Listen Chuuya, I know things are tough right now but there was nothing I could do okay?” said Higuchi.

Higuchi was the head of his department, with blonde hair and a kind smile. But because she was this high up in the ranking he knew that she had a soul of steel. He knew she was being genuine and did want to help him but he couldn’t let this go without a fight.

“I will do anything please. I can come in earlier or double the paperwork, something,” he pleaded. “I won’t give you the sob story again but come on. If I lose this everything will come crumbling down.” Another threat for everything to come down on him.

“With all due respect Chuuya, if anything goes off your meticulous plan everything will come crumbling down.” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe it is time you give in. Ask for help. Put school on hold. Transfer the kids. Do something. You would have torn yourself apart soon anyway.” She turned to walk away.

Chuuya was a naturally proud person but at this moment he didn’t care. He knew Higuchi well and she was kindhearted in the worst of times. He reached out and caught her arm.

“Please ma’am. I hear what you are saying, I really do. I have to pass a few more class to get my degree and I have a list of jobs that will make me enough money just doing one. I have a plan. I just need a little bit more time.”

It wasn’t exactly the truth. He would need another three years to get all the credits he needed and he had no job plans but this would have to work.

She surveyed him for a minute. He hated that look of pity that he got from anyone learning his situation. The death of his sister was enough to evoke that look. He didn’t want anyone pitying him but it might just work in his favor now. He needed just five more minutes to breathe.

“Fine,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll forward you to another job. I have connections to a guy in some government job. Same shit you do here. I’ll email you his information. You will get the full paycheck this month and he should have you in and working again by then. Deal?”

He clasped her hand, shaking it madly.

“Thank you so much Higuchi-san you have no idea-”

She tightened her hand in his. He looked up at her. Brown eyes met blue and he froze.

“That doesn’t mean I like it. You have it too hard right now and you are going to kill yourself. Just promise me that within a year you will have that diploma and will be in a better place.”

“Promise. I swear it on my sister's grave Higuchi-san. Thank you so much.”

She nodded and shoed him off. Chuuya grinned and ran out to the diner. There was no way in hell he would have a diploma in a year but he had bought a little bit more time and that had to be enough for now.

He changed quickly, stepping into his server shift. His supervisor, Kunikida-san, yelled at him for a minute for being late and respecting the flow of the workspace. Chuuya nodded along, stepping right into the flow of the diner, serving greasy food to even greasier people. He smiled and nodded along to everyone, using all the tricks he had picked up over the past years so as to make them tip more generously.

Everything fell into place again and the world stopped shaking. Chuuya let his thoughts wander again.

This next week he would have a bunch of open hours meaning he could sit down and organize his bills. Then he could finish that extension essay and study up for midterms and finally be in a place in his college course that didn’t make him feel like he was hanging off a cliff.

When his shift at the diner ended, Chuuya got back on the bus. His tips today were lousy but it was a wednesday afternoon so what are you going to do? He got off at his stop and stretched out, sucking in another grateful breath of air. Everything right now was mended and he was determined to enjoy it. Times where he could just relax and breathe were fewer and farther between but his nerves were still riddled.

People jostled him and Chuuya started walking again. He passed the same homeless guy, who was currently halfway through a cigarette. Chuuya stopped in front of him and the guy looked up.

Here is the story behind them. Chuuya didn’t remember the details exactly but one day the guy came up to him asking for loose change for something to eat. Chuuya had been taken aback, lost in his own world of swirling thoughts. He didn’t have any loose change so he gave the guy part of his lunch. The guy thanked him and sat back against the wall.

Every few days the guy would ask him on his way to work. Then Chuuya stopped waiting for him to ask and brought him an apple or anything easy he could hand over.

Should Chuuya be giving away food in his current financial state? No. But the guy had been so honest, taking the food instead of demanding money, and being grateful for anything Chuuya could spare. Chuuya knew his life could be worse and at least he had Ane-san’s apartment so he gave up a portion of his lunch everyday.

Now the guy was looking up at him, questioningly. Chuuya sat down next to him against the wall. He let out a long slow breath.

“One drag?” asked Chuuya, quietly.

The guy held out the cigarette and Chuuya took a long drag. He hadn’t drank or smoked in ages. Couldn’t afford it. He forgot how good this would feel and how much it helped him relax.

Chuuya reached to hand it back but the guy just took a new one out his box, the last one.

“Keep it. You look like you could use it,” said the guy, pulling out a cheap plastic lighter. Chuuya laughed humorlessly.

“Yeah thanks,” he said. He took another drag and waited a while before speaking again. “What’s your name anyway?”

The guy looked at him, raising an eyebrow.

“Who wants to know?”

Chuuya scoffed. “The guy who has been giving you half his lunch everyday for a year.”

“Touche,” said the guy. He ran a hand through his tousled brown hair, bandages peeking out from under the sleeves of his coat. “You can call me Dazai.”

“Why thank you,” said Chuuya. “My name is Chuuya, in case you care.”

Dazai held out a hand.

“Pleasure to officially meet you, Chuuya.”

Chuuya took his hand and shook it, feeling slightly ridiculous. On one hand he didn’t know this guy at all. On the other hand he felt a weird connection with him. A connection that two people can only gain by exchanging food for a year with a return of half a cigarette and six words spoken between them total.

“It has been a crazy few years,” said Chuuya .

“Oh yeah?” asked Dazai. “ Do tell.”

“Na, it wouldn’t interest you,” said Chuuya, flicking the cigarette.

“Yeah? Tell me anyway. I find stories told by short slugs interesting.”

Chuuya turned to stare at him. What the hell? Can people actually say that to other people? Especially people who have been feeding you for a year? Dazai looked at him and laughed.

“No need to look so dear-in-headlights chibi.”

“I- uh,” stammered Chuuya. “You're a douche.”

“That I am,” said Dazai with a wink. “You are not the first to come to this revelation.”

“Figured. I guess I couldn’t pick up on the douche vibes when I walked past you everyday. For some reason all I can pick up on is the nasty stench of fish. Are you a mackerel Dazai?”

Dazai fake gasped in shock and horror. “How dare you, I do not smell like fish. You're the one who has hair that looks like crabs.”

Chuuya’s hand went to his hair instinctively. He just didn’t brush it until he went to go bartend. It wasn’t worth the time and he knew he looked shitty but he would only end up losing his brush.

Dazai nudged the redhead with a shoulder.

“I’m messing with you, calm down. Tell me about these years of yours.”

It all sort of came spilling out after that. I mean Chuuya really shouldn’t be telling this stuff to a total stranger but what? Was the homeless guy going to mock him? What right did he have? Chuuya was too tired to care at this point anyway. He just wanted to get it all off his chest.
So he talked. A lot.

He explained his sister’s death and then adopting her three kids and the ups and downs of the past three years. More downs than ups honestly. He talked about how terrified he was most of the time because he was standing on a house of cards. How he just wanted to help his sister’s kids because they just lost her mom. He knew it was over sharing but it all sort of came pouring out to the stranger.

“And so now I have to wait for an email from this other guy who will hopefully get me a job so I don’t lose Ane-san’s apartment,” finished Chuuya. He looked at Dazai, who was sitting there, thinking. Chuuya expected him to be like Higuchi, trying to convince him to carry less. Or be like Kunikida and tell him to keep his personal problems out of the workplace.

But he didn’t do either of those things.

“And how long have you been doing this?” he asked.

Chuuya laughed lightly and took another drag.

“Shit I don’t know. Ryu what what twelve at the time? It's been three years. I had just started college and now its going to take me extra time to complete these online courses-”

“Cause you don’t have time,” finished Dazai. “I guess it is useless trying to convince you to take help?”

“What, from you?” scoffed Chuuya. “No offense but if you could offer help you wouldn’t be stealing my lunch everyday.”

He threw a sideways glance at Dazai who was pretty dirty and looked worn down. He wore something similar to Chuuya except his coat was tan and smeared with dirt. The edges were fraying in some places. His own white shirt looked like it had been dyed brown. However, the bolo tie clasped around his chest looked sort of expensive. Even more so if that opal was real. Any normal person probably would have pawned it off at this point.

Dazai returned the laugh good naturedly. Chuuya let out a breath, relieved. He could be an ass sometimes and stuff like that just slipped out. Chuuya threw the cigarette butt away but before he could stand Dazai reached out and grabbed his hand.

The last time Chuuya had been touched, even in simple gestures like hugs or shaking hands was when Kouyou had died. He gave Kyouka the occasional hug when she suffered from nightmares(being only six when Kouyou died) but any more than that made his skin crawl.
Besides, it felt too intimate a touch. Dazai gripped his hand at the wrist, fingers resting on his pulse point. To make matters worse, Dazai was staring deep into Chuuya’s eyes.

“Will you commit double suicide with me?”

Chuuya gaped at him.

“You want me to what?” asked Chuuya, aghast.

“Commit double suicide with me. You know where you and I kill ourselves together,” said Dazai plainly.

“I know what it means,” retorted Chuuya. “I- I think I’ll pass today thanks. But I appreciate the cigarette a lot.” Chuuya knocked dust from his legs as he stood. “See you tomorrow.”

“Fates be damned,” muttered Dazai, seemingly to himself. He looked up at Chuuya and grinned. “Byeeeee!”

Thoughts swirled through Chuuya’s head. What even? That was definitely the weirdest conversation he had in awhile(But to be fair he didn’t talk to a lot of people these days). Chuuya walked the ten minutes back to his apartment. After fumbling with the key in the keyhole for a moment, Chuuya shoved the door open.

“I’m home!” he called, dropping his keys on the counter..

Ryu and Gin looked up from their homework and Kyouka paused the tv. A pot simmered gently on the stove, smelling of sharp spices.

Kouyou raised them right. Everyday like clockwork they would come back from their fancy private school, leaving their shoes and coats by the door. Ryu would start dinner and Gin would make sure Kyouka would finish her homework. Then they would all settle back, doing homework and listening to Kyouka’s show. He really lucked out in the kids department.

“What are we going to do now?” demanded Ryu, looking up at Chuuya accusingly. Chuuya took a step back wondering which one of his thin lies Ryu found out about now.

“What do you mean?”

“You got fired today didn’t you?” asked Ryu, very matter-of-fact. “It was in the company email.”

“You shouldn’t be going through my email,” lectured Chuuya, hanging up his coat. “And fine. Yes I got fired today but I secured a new job. This next paycheck will cover the seams in switching jobs.” Chuuya did not tell them that he would not be buying any more groceries besides the ones Ryu requested for dinner. Any cut was helpful. Chuuya could miss meals for a week or two. It would be fine.

Ryu stared at him a moment longer before nodding and returning to his homework. Chuuya did want to spend more time with them. Before Kouyou’s accident he would come over and hang out. Kouyou would plan big outings and they would laugh and joke around. Chuuya made a sport out of trying to make Kyouka giggle. The jackpot however, was getting Ryu to smile. He had loved it, every single minute. But now he just didn’t have the time during the week.

Over the weekends, Chuuya cut as many hours as he dared and took them all out to the beach or to the new museum, trying ever so desperately to do what Ane-san did so effortlessly.

He just wished he could be her. Badass and fantastic and kind.

But he was a failure in more ways than one. This isn’t what Kouyou would have wanted for her precious kids and Chuuya was failing her and them.

“Ryu?” asked Chuuya quietly. The dark haired boy looked up. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

Ryu nodded curtly and followed Chuuya into his room. Chuuya laid back on his bed and Ryu sat next to him.

“What is it Chuuya?” asked Ryu.. Chuuya let out a long breath. He could feel those stupid tears pricking his eyes.

Him and Ryu had conversations like these a few times a month over the years. He felt horrible unloading some of his problems on Ryu but it was one of the few things that made him feel close to the dark haired boy. Ryu had completely retracted after the loss of his mom and Chuuya, who was also mourning, had no idea what to do.

“I was scared today,” he said quietly. He didn’t know what good it would do, being vulnerable to this fifteen year old. Chuuya was barely 20 and things were just so much easier when he was Ryu’s brother, not parent. “I was scared when Higuchi-san told everyone the company was downsizing. I didn’t know what I was going to do or how I would fix it. You know things are tight but if she hadn’t redirected me to another job I don’t know what would have happened to us.”

Ryu nodded slightly.

“I get that but maybe we aren’t as close to the edge as you think. Cut private school and that is a good chunk of money. Cut the apartment and then that's a bunch more money.”

“You're always so practical,” said Chuuya, the humor in his voice not reflecting his mood. “But it isn’t what Kouyou would have wanted. I don’t want to let her down.”

“Sometimes I wonder if you even knew my mom,” said Ryu bluntly.

“Ouch!” cried Chuuya.

“Just listen,” Ryu snipped. “I don’t think she would have wanted you to work yourself into the ground trying to keep things exactly as they were. Things aren’t exactly the same and you don’t need to pretend they are.”

Chuuya felt the tears finally begin to fall. He sniffed a little.

“Am I really doing that terrible? Am I a terrible parent?” he asked, trying not to sound too distraught.

“Yeah you are a pretty terrible parent.” Somehow it sounded even worse in Ryu’s monotone than coming from the voices in Chuuya’s head. “But you are a really good big brother. “
Chuuya sat up and wiped his eyes. He reached out and Ryu let Chuuya hug him.

“Thank you so much. I’m sorry for unloading so much on to you. I just needed that today thank you.”
Ryu reluctantly put his arms around Chuuya. The red-head smiled at the small return of affection. After what happened with Dazai grabbing him he wanted to remember that he was human and humans comforted each other with gentle touches.

“Yeah of course,” said Ryu, voice soft.

Chuuya pulled back and let him go finish his homework.

The red-head sat there for a minute before pulling out his computer and the essay that would take him all the way until it was time for his next shift to finish. But that didn’t matter. He would keep doing it one day at a time.

Chapter Text

The dishes from dinner were soaking in the sink and Kyouka was tucked in bed when Chuuya left for bartending.

Bartending was one of the first few jobs he had and he actually enjoyed it. He worked at one of the higher class bars in the city that was normally quiet and played soft jazz music. He got to meet and have conversations with so many interesting people from all walks of life. Plus he got discounted liquor every now and then meaning he could try out the new expensive wines.

Now he wasn’t able to enjoy it as much but it was still his favorite out of his jobs. It was bittersweet in remembering all the good times he spent down here, stress free. At least he was still able to dress more casual than his job for Higuchi and didn’t have to wear a grease drenched uniform.

Chuuya pressed his hat on his head, a gift from his late brother, and ducked out the door. He jammed his plastic earbuds and turned on his playlist as loud as he could make it. There was something soothing about drowning out the rest of the world and his anxiety in screaming songs. He walked his usual path to the bus stop and paused seeing a large crowd.

The bus stop was over a bridge that spanned a long river. The river cut straight through the city and there were a lot of shipping businesses along it, trying to get their products to the sea faster. Normally there were just homeless people crowded on the sidewalk, like the one he gave lunch too every day.

Today however a mass of people were crowded halfway across the bridge. Everyone was jostling each other trying to get a look at the water. Chuuya ducked around them, annoyed, when his foot crunched on something. He looked down to see the semi expensive bolo tie he had seen only a few hours previous.

Chuuya began shoving through the crowd, catching snippets of conversation.

“... just jumped…”

“... will he come up…”

“... go after him…”

Chuuya got to the edge and took his hat and coat off. Without another thought he dove into the river.

The water bit his skin, frigid and unforgiving. The cold knocked the wind from his lungs. He had to resurface to gasp in a large breath. What the hell had he been thinking? Diving into a river like a lunatic? Shivers raced up his spine and he swore that he would never be able to catch a full breath. His lungs were spasming and he was sure he was going to die from shock.

A long minute passed before Chuuya was able to suck in another full breath before diving down again.

The water was just as filthy as it was cold. Chuuya didn’t want to think about how much damage this water would do to his eyes but he didn’t care. He scanned through all the trash and dirt using every fiber of his being to keep his stinging eyes open. Chuuya was just about to give up on finding him in all the muck when he saw the bandaged bastard floating peacefully to the river floor.

It hit him how stupid to was to go save this guys life but he couldn’t just ignore it. He didn’t want someone else to die even if they were sort of a douche.

Chuuya kicked and swam with all his might, trying to ignore the burning in his lungs. He held out his hand for the stupid bastard, trying to catch his coat or one of the unwravling bandages. He reached and reached….

He couldn’t do it. Chuuya resurfaced again, gasping in large breaths. The people on the bridge were screaming and he could vaguely hear sirens but they sounded like he was still underwater. Chuuya’s brain was fuzzing over but he had to try. He had been so close.

He dove down a third time. Dazai had moved with the current but Chuuya refused to give up. He swam and kicked, reaching out desperately. His soaked clothes that had seemed to be dragging him down when he was on the surface seemed to be pulling him up now.

Chuuya’s limbs were so tired, from this, from today, from the past three years, from his life. It would be so much easier to just sink to the bottom with the shitty bastard. Easier to keep fighting for what? Everytime he brushed himself off after life put him on his ass something worse came along. Maybe it would just be better to let the river’s currents dump him and Dazai into the ocean

But if there was one thing Nakahara Chuuya did not do it was give up. Not on himself. Not on some brainless idiot who fell into a river.

Chuuya kicked again, arms flailing through the water….

But this time he caught a hold of the bastard's coat. Chuuya pulled and fixed his grip before kicking to the surface.

Which admittedly was a lot harder dragging what might as well have been a corpse from the bottom of the river. The current swept him along, trying to flip him around, garbage smacking into his face, but he could see the surface. The setting sun made an orange glow across the top of the water. It was admittedly much prettier looking down on it rather than up at it. He couldn’t be much farther now. The light was so close.

Until it wasn’t and Chuuya felt his lungs spasming. His body went into a panic and he sucked in a big swallow of filthy river water. But there was no air. Chuuya’s lungs heaved and the world was growing dull. Chuuya used his one hand to claw at the surface of the water. This couldn’t be how it ended for him. Maybe if he hadn’t been so rash on the bridge everything could have been different.

And then a strange calm settled over him.

At least now he will get to go see Kouyou again.

His head broke the surface of the water and Chuuya had never been more grateful for the stinking city air in his life. His lungs spasmed again, expelling the river water. His head dipped back under the surface a few times but the panic had gone and now Chuuya could sort of take in his surroundings.

They had moved quite far down the river but Chuuya could not give a shit. He kicked for the bank, dragging Dazai’s useless body. He should be keeping Dazai’s head above the water but Chuuya had barely enough strength to keep his own head above the water. As soon as he could, Chuuya stood. He dragged Dazai to the shallowest part of the river and onto the rocks.

Chuuya’s clothes were clinging to him with water and dirt making him want to peel off his own skin. Instead he just collapsed into the rocks, still sucking in needy breaths and waiting for his mind to clear.

Then it hit him.

He turned to Dazai watching his chest closely for the tell-tale rise and fall of breathing.

But it didn’t come.

Dazai wasn’t breathing.

Chuuya scrambled for a pulse and didn’t find one.

Chuuya panicked instantly, trying to remember that health course he took so long ago. He remembered how to do CPR. Sort of.

“I did not go through all that trouble just for you to die!” snapped Chuuya.

There was no time to waste. Chuuya knelt beside him and started the chest compressions. How many was it? 30? 40? He couldn’t remember. Chuuya stuck with thirty before pinching Dazai’s nose and locking lips with him.

Should it have been weird? Maybe. Chuuya was too preoccupied with his panic to care at the moment. He breathed in twice, watching Dazai’s chest rise out of the corner of his eye before starting the compressions again.

So Chuuya began the cycle that seemed to last decades. 30 chest compressions, mouth to mouth, 30 chest compressions, mouth to mouth. What if he was doing it wrong? He knew that you were supposed to press down something like an inch into their chest so he tried to push hard. But he had also heard that you could break someone's ribs doing it. Was he pressing hard enough? Was it too hard?

And most importantly, was Dazai already too far gone?

Chuuya’s whirlwind of thoughts came to a halt as Dazai gasped and coughed water. Right into Chuuya’s mouth.

The world tilted and Chuuya threw up right there, vomiting disgusting river water. He liked to think it had more to do with nerves rather than thinking about how Dazai had coughed water into his mouth. When he got home he would splurge and use an entire tub of toothpaste as long as he couldn’t taste any river water.

Once he could see properly, Chuuya rolled Dazai onto his side as he spat out more river water. Chuuya checked his pulse and found it faint but there. Water drizzled out of the corner of Dazai’s mouth and his brown hair clung to his face. He is on the verge of death but somehow still looks…. okay. Dazai looked up at him through long lashes as thick as paintbrushes.

“Chuuya?” Dazai’s voice came out scratchy and husky.

“Yeah who-”

Chuuya was cut off by rough hands grabbing him. Two burly women in official suits grabbed him by the arms and wrestled him back.

“Hey what the???”

Chuuya twisted trying to look at him but they just picked him up and walked backwards. Chuuya looked at Dazai who was still lying, practically dead on the rocks.

“Let me go!” Chuuya screamed, hoping to catch the attention of someone walking by the river bank, but there seemed to be no people around.

Chuuya did his best to free his arms but the river had sapped most of his strength. Don’t get me wrong, Chuuya knew self defense. He learned a bunch of martial arts as well as more practical hand to hand. But these people were strong, carrying him around like a rag doll.

Chuuya swore and shouted at them but they paid him no attention, tossing him in the backseat of a long black car. His head slammed against the seat and he groaned sitting up. In the shuffle Chuuya had lost sight of Dazai and the car door had shut on him.

“What the hell do you think you're doing?” demanded Chuuya. No one answered him. The driver was blocked off by a wall like in a cab. Or in a cop car except instead of bars or glass it was just solid black.

Chuuya grabbed the handle of the door, yanking on it and doing everything he could to force it open. He kicked at it, slipping on the leather seats because of his wet clothes. “Are you the police because this is assault and-”

The women got in and grabbed him roughly, forcing him down onto the expensive carpeted interior. Chuuya heard a click as handcuffs were fastened around his wrist and a bag was tied around his throat, just tight enough to make him unable to speak.

With his movement restricted, Chuuya freaked.

Who were these people? What were they doing to him? He was going to miss his shift. Would he be fired? What would Ryu do when he didn’t come home? What happened to Dazai? Where were they taking him?

Chuuya thrashed madly trying to pull away, or fight, or do anything. But they held him firm in the backseat as the car started up, driving him to his certain death. He struggled to catch his breath with the rope around his neck so he slumped back against the seat.

These people couldn’t be the police. This violated so many rules for police officers. And they would have informed him of his crime.

What exactly did these people want with him? What had he done to them? Were they part of a gang? Was this a mafia? Were they Japanese or that strange American terrorist group? What did they want with him?

Chapter Text

The car finally stopped and someone hauled him out like he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes. Chuuya ran out of energy to thrash. Besides it wasn’t doing him any good so he might as well sit back and enjoy the show. Before he was ruthlessly murdered

The person holding him walked before stopping. He heard the ding of an elevator and the person continued to walk.

Chuuya was carried to some sort of room and sat down in a chair. It felt nice, with a plush seat, made out of expensive wood. Chuuya briefly felt bad for likely ruining it with his wet clothes before remembering he just got kidnapped.

Someone adjusted the handcuffs and added a pair so his wrists were locked to the arms of the chair. His feet were given the same treatment and Chuuya really wished he knew how to pick locks. But now he was sitting here with nothing to do but wait.

And that's what he did. His sense of time was so screwed up but it felt like they left him sitting there for the better part of an eternity. Chuuya tried briefly to break the handcuffs with no success. So he sat and waited and thought and waited and thought and waited some more. What were the kids going to think? What would happen to them? Would Kyouka be torn away from her siblings and left in a cold unforgiving environment that would never understand her? Would Gin be separated from her twin and left to fend for herself with people who wouldn’t put up with her desire to not talk? Would Ryu just get worse and start picking fights and hurting people?

Chuuya’s thoughts stopped their spiraling when a door behind him banged open and a vaguely familiar voice filled the room.

“... Didn’t think to tell me when I first arrived? I should have you all fired for being unnecessarily brutal.” The voice moved by Chuuya then away from him before coming to a stop with the squeaking of a chair. “Do you have no shame? We are mafioso’s, not common criminals.”

So he was captured by the mafia. This is fantastic. Chuuya was going to die probably for committing a crime he never intended or seeing something he shouldn’t. Hell he was so sleep deprived if he saw a mafia murder he would think it was a hallucination.

“I’m sorry sir that was not my department,” came another voice. This one was rusty and old and one Chuuya had never heard before. “We followed standard-”

“Well he isn’t standard protocol is he?” There was a pause. “I should fire the lot of you.”

“If that is what you wish, sir.”

Another pause. This one's much much longer.

“No it’s not what I want. Untie him and get the hell out of my sight.”

Footsteps drew nearer to Chuuya. A keyring jangled and the cuffs came off, followed by the bag.

Chuuya blinked at the sudden light, taking in a long room. One wall was completely covered in floor to ceiling windows, showing off the entirety of the city spread out like a blanket. In front of Chuuya was a great big mahogany desk piled with paper. Behind that desk was a spinny desk chair. The entire room even smelled rich but none of that seemed to matter when the occupant of the antique chair was Dazai.

“What the hell?” demanded Chuuya, staring at him. Dazai showed off that childish grin of his.

“Surprise Chuuya,” he said. “I am not just a simple homeless man.”

Chuuya gaped.

“No SHIT sherlock. Are you the head of a mafia?”

Dazai nodded slowly.

“Ever heard of the Port Mafia?”

Chuuya’s blood ran cold. He knew at one point Kouyou had messed with the mafia to get them out of a bad place. But she had twice the guts he’d ever had.
Chuuya stammered for a moment.

“You’re the head of the P-Port Mafia?” Chuuya cursed his voice for shaking. Weakness was a terrible thing to show especially now that he knew he was in the custody of the most feared criminals on the island.

“Maayyyyyybbbbeeeeee,” said Dazai.

A thought hit Chuuya and his fear was shadowed by anger. “What even? I gave you food everyday but you are actually some rich mafioso?” demanded Chuuya.

“Yeah I guess so.”

Chuuya’s skin went up in fire. He didn’t care who this man was at the moment. Chuuya stood up and stalked forward, slamming his hands on his desk.

“You fucking asshole. I have wasted so much money on you. Money that I could have been saving up so I could fucking breath once in a while. Why the hell do you think that was a good idea? Just abusing people for their money when you already have plenty? I could have taken a day or two off of work to hang out with my brother and sisters instead of wasting that money on your pathetic ass.”

Dazai looked up at him, one eye covered in fresh bandages. Chuuya just not noticed that he was dry and clean, in a new pressed black suit instead of the ratty tan coat he was wearing before. He looked much different like this. Imposing. Dangerous.

“Finished?” he asked, sounding bored. Chuuya mentally tripped.

“Yeah I guess so you dickhead,” said Chuuya, relenting. He walked back to the chair and flopped down. Man he was tired. And he was probably going to catch pneumonia from the freezing river that he dragged Dazai out of.

“Are you ready to listen?” prompted Dazai.

“Don’t talk to me like I’m a fucking child, Dazai.”

Instead of getting mad, Dazai smiled slightly.

“I guess you are right. I am going to be very plain with you and what I want from you.”

“Oh yeah?” mocked Chuuya. “What’s that?”

“I am here to make up for all the food I took from you and then some. I think we can help each other.” Chuuya paused. What the hell was he talking about? “I want you to come work for me. I will make sure that you can quit every other job you have and have left overtime to spend with your siblings. Your apartment will be fully paid for along with each of your schooling with your salary.”

Dazai steepled his fingers, elbows resting on his thighs.

Chuuya stared like a fish out of water.

“You have got to be kidding.”

“I’m not kidding.”

“What's the catch?”

“No catch.”

“There is always a catch.”

“I think you will learn very quickly that I despise useless small talk,” said Dazai, an air of danger seeping into his voice. “All I want to know is if you will take the deal or not.”

“What sort of job are we talking about?’ asked Chuuya cautiously after a moment. Dazai smiled like he had already won. Chuuya fantasized about putting his fist through Dazai’s face. Hearing the crack and watching the blood spurt. Dazai had now right to be playing with his life.

“Just some easy secretarial work,” said Dazai, lazily spinning around in his chair. “Filing stuff and taking care of all the paperwork I don’t want to.”

“And why me?” asked Chuuya.

“Because I also need some favors now and then. You will just have to do as I say when I say so and boom everything is paid for.”

Like it was that simple. Chuuya could only think of one kind of favor a man like Dazai would want. Besides, give up your free will to a mafia boss? I mean he was dumb but he wasn’t that dumb.

“There is no way in hell I am giving up my free will to you. I am doing fine with the money I have right now and don’t need you interfering okay?” snapped Chuuya, standing up yet again.

“I don’t see what the problem is,” sighed Dazai.

“The problem is that A. I am not going to be your sex toy secretary okay? I have way too much dignity than to sell off my body to some creepy mafia leader. B.” Chuuya walked right up to the desk and leaned in close. “I will not jeopardize my family's safety for all the money in the world. Giving you my free will is leaving them open to the world. If I have to drop out of school and get another job I will. If you use your fancy hitman to hunt me down and kill me I will pour every dime I have into getting them a good family to look after them. They are my sisters and brother and I don’t know if family means anything to you but I will not let you harm them if it is the last thing I do.”

Chuuya did not break eye contact. He stood there hunched over the desk, staring the most dangerous man in Yokohama dead in the eye. After a minute Dazai quirked a smile.

“And that is why I picked you. Now to address your concerns-” Dazai spun the chair around fast, almost catching Chuuya in the nose. He continued to twirl, staring up at the ceiling. “No I have no need for a sex toy. I will not force you into any sexual act you do not want to partake in.” he paused to stare at Chuuya. “I can kill people but I’m not a monster.”

Chuuya scoffed and took a step back, crossing his arms.

“Okay but how can I trust you on this? You have a gun to my head I am not going to say no.”

“I may lie and deceive,” said Dazai,” but when it comes to making deals I will give you the full truth. I staked my career on it. I guess in the end you cannot trust me but…” Dazai shrugged. “It’s part of my charm.”

“Uh huh,” muttered Chuuya, sitting back down. He massaged his temples therapeutically and shivered slightly. His welt clothes still clung to his body.

“And two I will not harm your family. I will not bring any of them into our mess.”

“Oh really? And why is that? You would do anything to control me. You are a fucking mafia boss,” snapped Chuuya.

“Because,” said Dazai, voice going unusually soft. “I know what it is like to have a family. Besides, ever hear the phrase “do unto others as they do unto you?”

The look Chuuya gave him was priceless.

“Are you seriously spouting corny kids phrases at me?”

“Surprisingly it is a good rule. Those who treat me with kindness will have that kindness paid forward.” He paused. “Well as much as I can manage anyway. Even if that means a peaceful death as opposed to a violent one.”

“Consider me comforted,” sighed Chuuya.

“What if I give you something to signify this?” asked Dazai.

“Oh and what would that be?” asked Chuuya, looking up at him.

Dazai crossed the room to a bookshelf. He carefully extracted a sheet of paper from under a book and handed it to Chuuya.

It was a picture of a younger Dazai with two older men at a bar. One had big round glasses and the other had red-hair, not unlike Chuuya’s. Dazai had a small grin on his face while the other two stared at the camera.

“Keep that until the day our deal breaks okay? Even after that I won’t touch your family but I do want it back at some point.” Heeled boots clacking on the ground at Dazai went back to his desk. “You will be able to quit all your previous jobs as I will be giving you a paycheck for the time being. Your work will commence everyday at 9 sharp and you will be released at 2.”

That should give me some time to take on more online courses this summer and I’ll get to see the kids when I get home, thought Chuuya, his heart swelling at the possibility. Maybe he could also get more than four hours of sleep a night.

“Have I eased your concerns?” mused Dazai, steepling his fingers.

“What else would you make me do then?” asked Chuuya. “You said you would need ‘favors’. What favors would you need from me?” A surprisingly warm chuckle filled the room.

“You think all you can offer me is your body?”

A red hot blush seeped into Chuuya’s cheeks.

“I feel that's reasonable. You are the biggest crime boss in Japan. What would you need from me?” muttered Chuuya.

“All in due time,” promised Dazai. “I can’t give up all my secrets now can I? Now,” Dazai reached down beside himself and set Chuuya’s hat and coat on the table. “Ryunnsuke has been blowing up your phone so I suggest you get that.”

And just like that, all of Chuuya’s problems came rushing back to him full force.

“Shit,” hissed Chuuya. He scrambled for his coat reaching into the pocket.

Sure enough he had seven missed calls from Ryu and 40 text messages from him and Gin. He called Ryu, not bothering to read the messages. First ring Ryu picked up.

“What the hell happened?” demanded Ryu, voice shaking. Chuuya didn’t respond. Ryu never had this much emotion in his voice. “ I was waiting for you to come home but… but then you didn’t an-and the news was on so I was watching and this idiot jumped into a river and it looked like you and there was footage of these black suits carrying you out a-and I don’t know what to do. Are you coming home? Who has you? Do I need to call the police? I didn’t want to call in case you were fine but I’m really starting to freak out Chuuya and I don’t know what to do!”

The lecture was followed by a hacking cough coming through the phone. Chuuya stepped away from Dazai, pressing the phone close to his ear.

“I’m so sorry Ryu, just breathe alright? I’m fine and everything is going to be fine. Do you have your inhaler? GIN!” Chuuya shouted that last bit. He heard a brief shuffle and the sound of Ryu using his inhaler. “Better?”

“Yeah,” quavered Ryu. “Yeah I’m okay. Sorry for freaking out.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I definitely should have called sooner but things sort of went to shit. I’ll be coming home soon,” He looked pointedly at Dazai who nodded and waved at him. Chuuya was more relieved then he would like to say that the mafioso wasn’t keeping him longer.

“I think some things are going to change for the better alright? Don’t get your hopes up though.”

“But you’re getting your hopes up,” commented Ryu.

“I know but out of the two of us who is smarter?” joked Chuuya.

“Alright just come home soon okay?” Ryu whispered something quietly.

“What was that?” asked Chuuya.

“Nothing,” yelled Ryu, far too quickly “Just come home.”

Ryu hung up and Chuuya stared at the phone for a minute before letting out a low breath. He turned back to Dazai, blinking away the tears pricking his eyes. Chuuya always seemed to be about to cry. No matter what was happening or what time of day he was just always on the cusp of a breakdown.

“Thank you for the job,” said Chuuya, giving a slight bow. “Am I going to regret this?”

“Not sure,” said Dazai, brightly. “But I am not sure if I will regret it either so there is a risk on both sides.”

“Yeah but my risk involves the possibility of a gun to my head,” griped Chuuya.

“Do you even know what the mafia does?” asked Dazai. Chuuya paused which led to another one of Dazai’s little chuckles. “We don’t just kill everyone we lay eyes on. As long as you don’t go leaking sensitive information about the mafia it doesn’t matter what you do, I won’t kill you. I might make sure you won’t forget the mistake but you will live to remember.”

“I feel like that was mildly comforting but also a threat in disguise,” noted Chuuya.

“Maybe maybe not,” said Dazai slyly. Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“I don’t suppose you have a way to get me home do you?” he asked. “I’d rather not walk.”

“Oh of course,” said Dazai, clapping his hands. “Where are my manners?”

A boy, about the same age as Ryu walked in. He had ivory white hair with a single streak of black in it. A long coat reached all the way from his chin to his mid calf and was lined with what Chuuya assumed to be fake fur. It looked fake. Or at least he hoped it was.

“Summon our dearest Tachihara to take him home,” said Dazai to the boy. “Atsushi, this is Chuuya. Chuuya, this is Atsushi.”

Atsushi gave a brief bow and Chuuya nodded. Scrambling to put his hat and coat on, Chuuya stumbled after Atsushi. They took an elevator from the penthouse of the Port Mafia building all the way down to the ground floor. It was uncomfortably quiet in the elevator or maybe it just felt that way to Chuuya. He was too exhausted to care at the moment. A warm bubble bath and a squishy bed sounded like an amazing idea right about then. Chuuya got so lost in the fantasy Atsushi had to nudge him out of the elevator.

It must be a privilege to get to see the inside of the Port Mafia building and walk away free. It was a beautiful building, posed at a company that worked in global trade in shipping. Its above ground business was very legit and prosperous. So much so that the police didn’t mess with them much. The Port Mafia didn’t even really kill innocents so the government turned a blind eye to their underground activities most of the time.

Chuuya watched as his feet left muddy footprints on the clean cut tiles. People in black suits walked around the lobby, shoes shined and ties straightened. It was interesting to say the least.

After looking for a little longer he noticed that not everyone was in suits. He saw someone in a long black coat with a red scarf over his shoulders holding the hand of a little girl in a red dress. There was another man, this one with gray hair, in a similar coat but with a brown scarf. He was ushering another kid with hair that was half brown and half white. Why were there so many kids here?

Atsushi led him outside where a car was waiting. It was long and black almost like a limo. A redhead sat in the driver's seat, a chauffeur's cap on. He gave Chuuya a brief nod as he got in the back.

“Destination?” chimed the driver.

Chuuya rattled off the address and the redhead started to drive off. They sat in silence for a minute before the redhead spoke up.

“Boss just recruited you huh?” he asked.

“Yeah. Tachihara right?”

“Yes sir.”

“I’m Chuuya.”

“Nice to meet you Chuuya-san.”

Chuuya laughed at the formality before stopping abruptly. He was still a mafia member. Chuuya couldn’t afford to get too cozy.

“No need to be so formal. Just Chuuya is fine.”

“Alright Just Chuuya,” said Tachihara, grinning at him from the mirror. “What is he asking you to do? Are you his next spy project?”

“What?” asked Chuuya.

“Yeah. Word around the complex is that Boss keeps bringing people in who are around his age. He finds ones who need money and sets them up for a bit while they take care of all the paperwork he never wants to do. For being the Demon Prodigy he can’t sit still for more than a half hour.” Tachihara cleared his throat and looked around.

“What?” asked Chuuya.

“Nothing just…. They always seem to know everything so you should try not to talk ill of them.

Anyway,” continued Tachihara, “then he takes them out around places outside of the complex. No one really knows what they're doing but gossip is that Dazai is trying to dig up information on an underground organization that has become more prevalent over the past few years. It’s a sort of unorthodox way to do it but nobody questions the Boss."

“After a couple of weeks they come back to the penthouse and leave for good with a stack of cash to keep them quiet.” Tachihara paused and scratched the back of his neck. “Maybe I shouldn’t have told you all of that. It’s all gossip though anyway you know?”

“Yeah,” murmured Chuuya, vaguely.

“But you don’t have to worry,” said Tachihara, trying to sound reassuring. “To my knowledge they all go out unscathed. I mean don’t get me wrong, Boss is a twisted dude. He has thought up some torture methods that I could never have dreamed of in my most twisted nightmares. But as for this project he seems pretty passive.”

“Oh good,” muttered Chuuya.

After about five minutes in silence Chuuya piped up again.

“Do you think I could get your number?” he asked. “Like do you think your boss would get pissed if I talked to you outside of this arrangement. I could really use-”

“Someone on the inside?” interrupted Tachihara. “I don’t think he would mind. I’m actually still in contact with some of his previous attempts at this case. They don’t tell me much about it so I’m trying to piece it all together but yeah we can talk a bit about the mafia.

“And Dazai knew about this correspondence?” asked Chuuya.

Tachihara’s voice grew serious. “Like I said earlier, number one rule of being in the mafia, Boss knows everything, no matter how hard you try to cover it up. You should be good.”

“Great,” said Chuuya, grinning nervously. “I could really use a bit more information about what I’m getting myself into. The Port Mafia isn’t what I expected but I still want to be careful.”

“For sure,” said Tachihara, rubbing his thumbs against the steering wheel. “I can’t tell you anything highly sensitive obviously but just enough to keep you from screwing up too badly y’know?”

“That sounds perfect. I don’t want my family getting hurt.”

“I understand that. I don’t have much family to speak of but there is nothing I wouldn’t have done for my older brother. And now the Port Mafia is sort of a big fucked up family within itself.” Tachihara laughed at himself. “Not really but you get it. Loyalty is one of the things that separate the mafia from normal street thugs. We protect our own. Anything you do that protects your own will automatically earn you respect. So I guess if you want lesson two about the mafia there you go.”

“Thanks,” said Chuuya, just as the car pulled up to the stairs at his apartment. Chuuya gave Tachihara his phone for a minute, watching as the redhead plugged in his number.

Chuuya watched as Tachihara tipped his hat and drove away.

Chuuya let out a short breath before climbing the stairs to his apartment. Today had already been so fucking weird. He hoped it wasn’t one of those days you looked back at from the future thinking If only I hadn’t done that then maybe my life wouldn’t be miserable. I mean how bad could that decision have been?

Chapter Text

Chuuya was positive that he could now handle anything that was thrown at him given that he had been employed by the Port Mafia. So, when a pillow hit him in the face Chuuya realized that he would never be ready for things at home. Especially when Ryu raised his voice at him.

“WHAT THE HELL CHUUYA?” Ryu ran for Chuuya and straightened his spine until he was glaring down his nose at Chuuya. Which wasn’t hard given that he had been taller than Chuuya for almost two years now. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? IT IS A GOOD THING THAT I CHECKED THE NEWS OTHERWISE I WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? WHO DID YOU EVEN GET PICKED UP BY?? WHY DIDN’T YOU AT LEAST CHANGE OUT OF THESE SOAKING CLOTHES?? YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM IS ALREADY SHIT, DO YOU WANT TO HAVE TO CALL IN SICK TOMORROW? WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘YOU FOUND ANOTHER JOB’??? WHY DIDN’T YOU AT LEAST CALL, MY GOD YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE!!”

“Okay I totally thought you were done yelling at me. Next time just get it all out over the phone please. No need to do this twice,” said Chuuya, picking up the pillow.

He ducked around Ryu and dropped the pillow on the couch next to Gin. Kyouka was sitting in Gin’s lap, clutching her close.

“He has been holding onto that pillow for two hours now,” said Gin, smiling lightly.

“No really? Keep this between us but he really takes after his mom when he disapproves of something,” Chuuya stage whispered. Ryu stalked over and glared at him.

“I can’t believe you! Don’t you realize that this is serious?” demanded Ryu.

“Why is Kyouka still awake?” Chuuya asked, ignoring him.

“Ryu got pissed when you got pulled out of the river and threw the remote across the room. The loud noise woke her up,” supplied Gin. Chuuya nodded.

“Why are you ignoring me? Are we seriously not going to talk about what just happened?” demanded Ryu.

“You know you sound like my old boss Kunkikida.” Chuuya should really stop acting like a six year old and address the issue, but he was tired. Getting kidnapped takes a lot out of you.

“Old boss? You really found a new job? It is with that guy you saved, cause word has it he is the head of the Port Mafia.” Ryu paused when there was no reaction. “You know, like the Port Mafia. The murder cult. That is illegal.”

Damn okay. No slipping around that then.

“Okay sit down. I don’t like it when you are taller than me,” said Chuuya. “I’ll explain everything.”

Ryu stood for a moment longer. After making his point he sat down in a huff. Gin rolled her eyes at his over dramatic ass. Kyouka’s face was still frozen in fear from Ryu’s outburst. She hadn’t moved since Chuuya entered the house and didn’t plan to move anytime soon.

“So uhh long story short I saved this guy out of a river and then he offered me a job that will pay just as much for half the hours and half the head aches,” said Chuuya briskly.

“Oh? And what will you be doing?” asked Ryu, his tone clipped.

“Just the same secretarial work,” said Chuuya. Which was the truth.

“And what company does he work for?” asked Ryu.

“Okay fine he works for the Port Mafia,” snapped Chuuya, voice rising. Who the hell was he to judge where Chuuya worked? Did he not understand how much Chuuya had done for him all these years, how much of Chuuya’s mental sanity was sacrificed? “But honestly is that such a big deal? Kouyou’s business wasn’t exactly legal in all respects either!”

“DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE BRING MY MOTHER INTO THIS!” shrieked Ryu. “I DON’T CARE WHAT SHE MEANT TO YOU BUT LEAVE HER OUT!!”

“JUST KNOW YOUR MOTHER WASN’T A GODDAMN SAINT AKUTAGAWA! I JUST CAN’T KEEP DOING THIS AND I WILL NOT LET YOU GUYS DOWN AND IF THAT MEANS I HAVE TO WORK FOR THE FUCKING MAFIA THEN SIGN ME UP!” screamed Chuuya. Ryu bolted to his feet, glaring at him.

“SO, YOU WOULD BE WILLING TO KILL PEOPLE!!! TO RISK JAIL!!! TO RISK DEATH!!! JUST TO WORK A FEW LESS HOURS!?!?!”

“DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND HOW HARD THIS IS FOR ME?” demanded Chuuya. Those damn tears he was trying to hold bake finally came crashing down. “I HAVE BEEN TRYING SO GODDAMN HARD TO BE KOUYOU AND TO BE THE PERSON YOU ALL NEED ME TO BE, BUT I CAN’T. I JUST CAN’T. THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN SEE THAT IS ANYWHERE CLOSE TO SUSTAINABLE. THE RISK THAT COMES WITH IT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. NOTHING AT ALL. I DON’T CARE THAT I MIGHT DIE JUST BY ASSOCIATION. I JUST NEED YOU GUYS TO BE SAFE AND PROVIDED FOR, OKAY?”

Chuuya’s vision blurred over, making the room a swirl of colors. He was too tired, too weak, too scared. Chuuya shivered, feeling the chill run all the way up his spine. He thought this would make it better. Even he knew that he had gotten lucky for standing three years like this and he was finally catching his break. Finally, all the late nights and early mornings, all the weeks without any food or sleep to speak of, all the times he let Kunikida steam roll him just to keep his job, all of that was paying off now. Why couldn’t Ryu just understand that? Why couldn’t he just let Chuuya relax for once? Why did Chuuya have to be 100% perfect all the time 24/7?

Warm arms encircled him. For a moment Chuuya could swear it was Kouyou, back from the dead in her pink kimono, hugging him and saying that it was going to be alright. That she was going to handle it. Chuuya didn’t want to think that now he had to be that person. The one comforting people and handling it. Picking up the scraps of a lost life and trying to duct tape them back together.

“I’m sorry Chuuya,” said Ryu softly in his ear. “I know how hard you work. I know how hard it’s been. I just-”

“I know,” said Chuuya, hugging Ryu back. I just don’t like anything that’s going on. I don’t like you getting involved with the wrong people. I just don’t want to lose you too. “God, I know.”

And they just stood there for a minute trying to breathe again and get the world to stop shaking. For the first time in a while Chuuya felt like he wasn’t the only one falling off this cliff.

“Why do you keep screaming!” wailed Kyouka. Chuuya jerked up, turning to her. A laugh bubbled up in his chest, but he pushed it back. He was going insane.

“It has been a long day Kyouka I’m sorry,” Chuuya said, reaching for her hand. “It won’t become a normal thing I swear.”

“You’re not going to disappear like mom, are you?” she asked. “When you vanished today I- I… I thought you were never coming back.” Tears welled in her red tinted eyes as she clutched at her worn out stuffed bunny tighter. Gin rocked her gently, smoothing her hair down.

“Don’t worry bunny, I will do everything in my power to stick around and make sure you three are safe,” Chuuya promised. He looked up at Gin who looked somewhere in between wanting to cry like Kyouka or roll her eyes at them for being overdramatic. “And now I think it’s time for bed, bunny.”

Kyouka’s frown dissolved into puckered lips.

“But I don’t wanna,” she grumbled.

“Yeah, I know but I can’t go to bed before you do and I really want to go to bed,” mumbled Chuuya, rubbing his eyes. “Can you please just go to bed for me?’

Kyouka waited a long while before nodding. Oh, to be nine and have your guardian wrapped around your small finger. She climbed out of Gin’s lap and walked to her bedroom. Chuuya let out a breath of relief and stood up. He looked at the twins.

“I don’t care what you two do, just be up in time for school,” he said. “And I am sorry if this new job makes you uncomfortable. Honestly, I’m not too jazzed about it but hopefully it will only be temporary until I can finish school. And-” said Chuuya, holding his hands out placatingly. “I’m not going to be killing anyone. All it is is what I did for Higuchi-san except fewer hours. I’m not stupid enough to get involved in murder, thank you very much.”

Gin and Ryu let out a breath, seemingly together. Chuuya felt sort of insulted that they would ever think he would put all of this at risk for his own well-being.

“Maybe instead of a curse this is a good thing,” said Gin softly. “Kouyou always believed that a man she once knew was looking out for her from beyond the grave. Maybe Kouyou is doing the same for you now, trying to cut you a break.”

Gin had never been the most religious of characters. She was definitely the more pragmatic of the twins, always trying to find solutions and take the reasonable path instead of letting her emotions take over. Perfect example was letting Chuuya explain what was going on instead of jumping down his throat and yelling at him.

“I do hope so. We all know I need all the help I can get.”

“I don’t think you’ve done too bad,” said Gin, before walking down the hall to her room.

Chuuya sighed and walked into his own room. It had been a guest bedroom for the majority of his childhood until he came to live with Kouyou. She had let him do whatever he wanted with it, including painting one wall in a bold shade of red. Chuuya hung all sorts of stuff on those walls, making it feel more like home then his childhood house ever was.

Kouyou’s master bedroom had stayed the same since she died. Right down to every little drawing Kyouka had made her and the photos of the four of them, and eventually five when Chuuya moved in. Kouyou enjoyed the color pink, sure but she liked flower tones over the vibrant color. It never seemed like too much though. It was always soothing to sit in her big papasan chair, clutching the fluffy throw pillows and just talking with her. It felt like he could talk to her about anything back then, from colors to paint his room or how to solve the world's problems or how to pass his chemistry final.

That might be the thing Chuuya missed about Kouyou. He always had someone in his corner, cheering him on or standing up for him or smacking him and saying “Baka! Why are you thinking you can’t do it?” Honestly, Chuuya didn’t know where he would be without her. Probably still under his dad's thumb or dead in a ditch somewhere. He owed her everything and now there was nothing he could do to make it up to her.

Drawers clattered open as Chuuya tried to find something dry and comfortable. These memories would do nothing but make it harder to get out of bed in the morning. Right now, he had to deal with his skin, still burning from the filth of the river. The clothes he wore were mostly dry at this point, but they were still filthy and wrinkled. Chuuya slugged over to the shower, turning the water as hot as he could handle before getting in.

Like many times before, Chuuya’s thoughts ran rampant in the shower. He could shower quickly but he ended up lost in the sea of his own mind, so it mostly took half an hour longer than necessary. He couldn’t bring himself to care though. At the very least he deserved a nice long hot shower.

His thoughts flicked to his new job. He could do secretarial work and that’s about all he was good for.

I mean he had been studying literature and coding, so he was decent at those two things as well. Dual majoring guaranteed that he wouldn’t be graduating in the standard four years, but he promised himself that it would pay off.

But as for actual working experience, low end, minimum wage jobs were his strong suit. His brother Verlaine always told him that, if he didn’t wake up and start seizing opportunities, he would fail in life and live out his days as an underpaid and undervalued secretary. Chuuya scoffed. Verlaine wasn’t wrong but at least Chuuya had the guts to come out to their parents. Verlaine would probably never tell them and Rimbaud, his boyfriend, he'd end up leaving him for his cowardice.

But Verlaine would die rich and happy with some beautiful lady and their parents' approval. Chuuya would die without any of those things. Perhaps he would at least have his degree. Hopefully his new job would give him time to devote himself to his majors.

And his thoughts came around full circle, back to his new job.

What would be different in the Port Mafia? If he accidentally looked at any of the stuff he needed to be filing and organizing, would they burn his eyes out? Would everyone there be as chill as Tachihara? Maybe Tachihara wasn’t even nice, maybe it was all a big strategy to exploit Chuuya’s care for the man. If Dazai was the head executive and the Demon Prodigy, Chuuya wouldn’t put it past him to make an elaborate scheme which would abuse his and Tachihara’s friendship.

Or maybe Chuuya was overthinking it.

The most important question, however, was: Would he actually be able to make it out of this job alive?

Chapter Text

Chuuya’s fifth alarm rang out through the room. After yesterday’s slip up he set six extra alarms before his normal one just to make sure he would be awake. He had been up and moving around after the first one, not doing much besides pacing and fretting.

Today he felt just a little bit worse than yesterday. A little achier and a little more clogged in the brain. If Kouyou had been alive he would have complained until she dragged his ass up or made him breakfast. You never really knew whether she would be warm and caring, or done with your bullshit. Big sisters, right?

Stretching out his aching muscles, Chuuya threw his closet open. Given that he showered last night he didn’t bother with it this morning. He reached for his usual work outfit: one of his three pressed suits that he seemed to be constantly washing. He didn’t dare wear them two days in a row in case someone noticed so he just did laundry, what felt like, every four seconds. It would be easier to just buy another one, but he never wanted to risk wasting money.

Chuuya had just pulled the vest on when he realized that he wasn’t going back to Higuchi-san. His muscles seized up. He had been awake for maybe five minutes, and he was already freaking out.

What did one wear as an employee of the Port Mafia?

Dazai had been wearing a suit, but Tachihara was just in a white shirt and green hoodie. A bunch of people there were in suits, but those weren’t like Chuuya’s. Staring at his closet, Chuuya chewed at his nails.

The sixth alarm shook him out of his stupor. It didn’t matter. He would dress in his normal professional attire and go from there. If Dazai requested a change in appearance, then he would go from there.

Chuuya finished getting ready and went out into the kitchen. Gin was there scolding Ryu for almost falling asleep in his bowl of cereal. Kyouka was busy putting her shoes on and making sure her backpack was where it needed to be. It was always so strange to see her act like an adult, carefully making sure everything was in its place before sitting down to eat.

With a click, Chuuya turned the teapot on. Kouyou had a beautiful electric one and numerous cups. He recalls her telling him myths behind every cup and every flavor:

If you drink Jasmine out of this one you will have a good hair day.

This one will cause bad luck with every tea besides green tea.

This one will amplify the effects of any herbal tea.

Chuuya didn’t know if these superstitions were approved by the rest of the world, but he never went against her advice. It had never failed him before. He poured himself a cup and drank it slowly, enjoying the taste.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a book slamming into something. That something happened to be the table. Ryu startled so badly he fell out of his seat. Gin picked the book back up and tucked it away in her backpack. Ryu muttered something under his breath and pulled his shoes on.

“Have a great day!” called Chuuya, as they walked out the door. He checked the time and realized that he needed to leave soon if he was going to catch the bus down to the Port.

The lock was just clicking shut behind him when Chuuya’s phone beeped. A message from Tachihara.

Sooooooo when r u coming downstairs?

Chuuya stepped into the elevator and jabbed at the buttons

In a minute. I’ll be there on time, don't worry.

The response back was almost instantaneous.

You better be or boss will have my head.

Okay but what did it matter that he was heading downstairs? He was on his way.

Chuuya walked out of the elevator, popping his earbud in, when a car honked. He glanced up to see Tachihara back in that huge SUV.

“C’mon man if you hurry, we can still get coffee before work!” he shouted out of the open window. He was in the same white shirt and jacket as yesterday, the ridiculous chauffeur cap on his head.

“What the hell are you doing here?” demanded Chuuya.

“I drive you to and from work now until you get your own form of transportation,” said Tachihara. “Now come on.”

“If you're going to be my main transportation then can I sit in the front?” asked Chuuya. He was not going to keep sitting in the backseat like he was a stupid child who was too young to sit up front.

“Sure,” said Tachihara. “But you should get a car soon.”

“Tsk,” clicked Chuuya, getting in the front seat. “Do you know how much private school costs?”

“Yeah, talk to me after you see a Port Mafia check,” chuckled Tachihara.

He pulled out of the apartment complex and drove down a small road. He turned into a parking lot and drove up to the drive through or a coffee shop.

“Caramel Frappuccino and…” Tachihara looked at Chuuya.

“No, I couldn't, this place is ridiculously expensive,” whispered Chuuya, nerves bundling in his chest. He couldn’t pay for this. Tachihara knew he was spread thin, but it still felt terrible every time he admitted it.

“Come on man, it's fine,” said Tachihara. Chuuya looked away, staying silent. “Fine but I am amazing at guessing people’s coffee orders.” Tachihara turned back to the person. “Mocha, extra chocolate sauce and a double shot of espresso.”

The person nodded and waved them along.

“H-how?” stammered Chuuya.

“You seemed like a chocolate guy and didn’t seem to get enough sleep,” said Tachihara like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Chuuya let out a breathy laugh and sat back. “Oh, that reminds me. Boss has a gift for you in the center console.”

Chuuya opened the center console and poked around. There was a box of tissues, a knife, a box of cigarettes, and a lighter.

“What do you mean?” Chuuya asked.

“The cigarettes,” said Tachihara, grabbing their drinks.

“You can’t be serious,” said Chuuya, not even daring to touch it. “Treasurer Luxury Black? These have got to be the rarest… Do they even still make these?”

“The demon prodigy can get his hands on anything he wants. Just take one. If you don’t, he will likely throw them away. He doesn’t like the brand.”

Chuuya carefully tapped the box before opening it. He flipped one of the pristine black cigarettes around before taking one in between his lips. He picked up the lighter and lit it. The thought of yesterday and sharing a cigarette with Dazai hit him and Chuuya held back a laugh.

“Keep it. You look like you need it.”

He didn’t know if it was the actual cigarette or if he just knew what the brand was, but he could actually taste how much money it costs. He didn’t want to worry the money he was wasting, for once he just tried to relax, enjoying the most expensive cigarette he ever had, a delicious coffee, and the company of a friend.

A friend who just kept talking.

Apparently working as a chauffeur on the days when he wasn’t running mafia missions gave him a lot of interesting stories. These stories ended up including others from the mafia like an old guy named Hirotsu who was practically babysitting them all, about Q, the kid who was almost as dangerous as the entire hit squad on some days, Kaji the maniac scientist.

He didn’t however bring up Dazai and the head of the entire Port Mafia.

Chuuya knew that the Port Mafia had a front of a shipping organization, moving goods and information. He knew a guy named Mori was the head of the entire Port Mafia, above and underground. Dazai was the second in command and his heir. He was just managing the Port Mafia for now. Although it was given that he would kill the current boss for his position, just like every boss had done before.

Chuuya was torn out of his thoughts when they pulled up to the front entrance, he saw Atsushi waiting for him at the door.

“You can leave the cup, but take the cigarettes and the lighter,” instructed Tachihara.

“You sure?” asked Chuuya.

“Yeah. He said they were a gift. No one denies a gift from the demon prodigy.”

Chuuya nodded and got out. He and Tachihara tipped their hats. Chuuya then followed Atsushi wordlessly back up to the penthouse. This time Chuuya could actually take in the space and all of its glory. It was laughable that the first time he was here, he was brought here soaking wet and against his will. And now he was walking back into the most dangerous building in Yokohama willingly.

As soon as they stepped off of the elevator, they were met with a hallway that was lavishly furnished. The carpets were thick and plush with tapestries adorning the walls. Even with all of that, the hallway had no character, just a boring color scheme.

Atsushi knocked onto the large oak door before opening it. He gestured Chuuya to step inside and he complied, somewhat hesitantly.

Dazai was at his desk, feet up next to stacks of paperwork. His head lolled to the side, and he put on that so-big-it-had-to-be-fake-smile.

“Chibi-kun! Finally!” Chuuya checked his very old beat up watch. Technically he was five minutes early. And-

“What the hell is that nickname?” snapped Chuuya. It didn’t even occur to him that maybe, yelling at the leader of Japan’s biggest crime organization wasn’t too smart.

“Because you're so little,” said Dazai. He tipped his head back again. “Your first job is taking care of all of this junk.” He waved a hand at the stacks of paper on his desk. “I haaaaaateeeee doing paperwork. That’s why I hired you! So just file all of this away~.”

“Did you just get all your records from the past few years on your desk?” asked Chuuya, examining the stacks. There were heaps of paper, more than he had ever gone through for Higuchi. (At least she was orderly about her stuff).

“Oh no no no no! ~ That’s all from the current week. There’s a bunch of other stuff in these drawers. I just need you to file them all away in that back room.” Chuuya looked behind Dazai at the door that looked like a combination between a vault door and a safe.

Then Dazai pulled open the drawers of his desk which were packed to the brim with crumpled papers.

“What even is this stuff?” asked Chuuya, face screwing up in distaste.

“Just junk. Mori wants me to start filing away his paperwork too. It's such a dragggggg. Something about ‘you will be running this whole organization someday, so you better learn how to handle the paperwork!’”

Chuuya sighed heavily.

“Okay then. Any particular way you want this organized?”

“Nope. Just stick to however it is organized in there.”

Chuuya nodded briefly, grabbing a stack of papers. He pushed the door open to reveal a tiny room. The walls had containers in them almost like a cross between safety deposit boxes and desk drawers. The floor was swamped with paper. Chuuya felt the heaviness of this task press to his shoulders. He had to organize years of junk into a system that didn’t even exist.

Tossing his coat aside, Chuuya leaned back out of the vault.

“Do you have a key for the deposit boxes?”

*******

Five hours later Chuuya was not even close to done. Not to say he hadn’t made progress. He had split up the deposit boxes into which kind of files would go were. They would be going by date down the lines. Most of the papers in the room had been organized with other papers like it. Mission reports, equipment bought shipping manifests.

There was a light knock on the vault door and Chuuya whipped around. Atsushi was standing there in his long coat, eyes neutral.

“Hey,” said Chuuya, checking his watch. He casually kicked the papers that had spilled into Dazai’s office into the vault and shut it.

“Do you know how to get down to Tachihara?” asked Atsushi quietly. His voice was small and sweet, like a gumdrop. Chuuya caught his train of thought. This kid had probably killed people. He shouldn’t be considered cute. Even if he reminded Chuuya of Akutagawa.

“Yeah, I think I can manage.”

“Good. From now on I won’t be escorting you but don’t go poking around without permission.” His voice wasn’t threatening but the words definitely were.

“Yup,” said Chuuya. “No poking around.”

Atsushi nodded before walking off. Chuuya sighed and bolted the vault door.

He went downstairs and got into Tachihara’s car. They talked the entire way home about their work, nothing special. Then Chuuya studied for his college degree for a few hours before making dinner and spending the night watching comedies with the kids. It had to be the most relaxing day he had in years.

*******

And it repeated over and over for about a week. Go to work, file things, come home, do school, and hang out with his siblings. The sickness that had been threatening him disappeared, but his anxiety never did. No matter how smooth things were going and how much better they were, the anxiety wouldn’t go away.

He was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. The next bad thing to happen, the next problem to present itself.

And it did but not in the way he was picturing.

Chapter Text

“Chibi-kun,” said Dazai, brightly. He kicked his rolling chair over to the entrance of the vault. “Chiiiiiibbbbbbiiiiiiiiii.”

“What? You shitty bastard, I’m working,” snapped Chuuya. He didn’t even bother looking up at the waste of bandages, in his messed up suit. What was the point of wearing it if the tie was always going to be loose and the buttons messed up?

Dazai spent a great deal of his time bothering Chuuya. Whining, complaining or making fun of him. Chuuya knew he was being baited but he couldn’t help it sometimes. After all of this Chuuya stopped being afraid of the mafia boss.

He didn’t look like one and he sure didn’t act like one. He never seemed to do any form of work at all, the only thing he did was calling in other people and talking to them in a very official-kind-of voice. He would appear demanding and scary, but Chuuya could barely conceal a snort. He had them all fooled.

“I’m here to call in on those favors you promised to me,” said Dazai.

Chuuya’s hands stilled, clutching a mission report from two years ago.

“Oh yeah? And what exactly are those favors?” asked Chuuya, beating back the spike in his heartbeat.

This was the catch. Dazai would force Chuuya to do something and Chuuya wouldn’t be able to refuse. Things were too good now. He wasn’t sure where the line was or if there even was one. Why was everything always unsustainable?

“I want you to take me to the park.”

Chuuya paused.

“The what?”

Dazai sighed dramatically. Chuuya could picture him laying across the arm of the chair, brown hair dangling in front of his face.

“You know that place a couple blocks away with the grass and trees and the people? I want you to take me there.”

“I know what a park is, asshole,” snapped Chuuya. Now, assuming it was a joke, he returned his focus on sorting the files. “Go there yourself.”

“This is part of our agreement slug,” said Dazai, sweetly. “So, you have to take me.”

“Fine,” said Chuuya, slamming the lid on a box of papers. Why did Dazai love to make fun of him so much? “You want a clown show, I'll give you a clown show. Change into something that doesn’t make you look like a teenager trying on his dad's clothes, and I’ll play your game.”

“Wow chibi, so harsh.”

“Mmm.”

Chuuya reorganized his files and bolted the door. He turned around to see Dazai, changed into a hoodie and jeans. He didn’t take the bandages off but still, he looked a lot more like a normal person.

“How did you change so fast? Do you have hidden college student clothes in your desk drawer?” asked Chuuya, grabbing his hoodie.

After day one he gave up on looking professional. It didn’t seem to matter much when his boss spent most of his time complaining like a two year old about doing paperwork he never actually did. Sometimes Chuuya wondered if he was a secretary or a glorified babysitter.

“That’s my secret chibi,” he said, sticking his hands in the pockets of a pair of jeans. “And why wouldn’t I have normal college student clothes.”

“I don’t know because you're a mafia boss?” said Chuuya, shrugging into the hoodie.

“Yeah, but I can still dress my age.”

Chuuya walked to the door and Dazai skipped behind him. The guards didn’t even twitch as they walked into the elevator.

“How old are you?” asked Chuuya, jabbing the button on the elevator.

“24 in a couple of months,” said Dazai cheerfully. “23 years too long.”

“Hmm,” said Chuuya. “I guess I never thought of you as a college student.”

Surprisingly, no smartass remark followed. Chuuya stepped out of the elevator and out the front doors into the cool spring air. Dazai followed him without complaint as Chuuya walked the half dozen blocks to the park.

Chuuya couldn’t remember the last time he had been on a walk like this. Enjoying the sun and the cool breeze. Watching people hustle around for their jobs or to go see other people. There was a certain liveliness to the city that Chuuya had always enjoyed before everything turned upside down.

They walked down a street near the park to see a row of cherry blossom trees in full bloom. Chuuya stopped for a moment to stare at them in their gorgeous pink tones.

Why are we even doing this Ane-san?

Because it is a tradition, Chuuya hush.

But why?

These flowers mean a lot to our country. If you can’t enjoy the flowers, then just sit back and enjoy the cool air.

…… Maybe they are kind of pretty.

The sound of Kouyou’s laugh filled his head. They used to go out and enjoy picnics under the cherry blossom trees. Kouyou loved to go right at dusk to see them in the fading sunlight. The first few times Chuuya had complained about it being a waste of time thinking, ‘what was the point? They were just flowers’.

But eventually he grew to enjoy their time together. Chuuya felt like his chest was trying to cave in on itself.

He never understood this. Some days he would think of good memories and smile. Some days he would wake up and know it was going to be a rough day. Some days he wouldn’t think of her at all. And sometimes it would just hit him like right now.

“Chuuya?” came Dazai’s voice. The brunette touched his hand gently, fingers icy cold. It felt nice cause the air was growing suffocatingly hot. “Are you alright?”

“Hmm?” Chuuya cleared his throat and forced a laugh. “Oh yeah I’m fine.” He tried not to blink too rapidly.

He expected Dazai to just turn around and keep walking. But he didn’t. Dazai just stared into him with those deep, empty brown eyes as if he could read Chuuya’s soul like a book. Chuuya did not like it. Not a bit. It was already bad enough when Ryu and Gin picked him apart. He didn’t need this random stranger doing the same.

“The trees are especially beautiful this time of the year,” said Chuuya lamely. There was an empty silence. Chuuya’s fingers twitched but Dazai was as still as a statue. “It feels like we are about to kiss.”

There it goes.

The Demon Prodigy of Yokohama blushed in scarlet. He regained his composure very quickly, but Chuuya still felt incredibly proud for being able to break his façade.

“I guess so. I didn’t think you would be one to enjoy sappy romances Chibi,” responded Dazai smoothly. He turned around and continued walking. Chuuya fell into step behind him.

“And why not?” demanded Chuuya.

“It’s not very macho,” said Dazai, smiling.

“So, I have to do macho things all the time to be macho? I know someone who’s favorite genre was romance, and she was a badass,” said Chuuya.

“Oh really?” asked Dazai, using that stupid provocative voice.

“Yeah really. She was amazing. She loved cherry blossoms and romance novels. But she also spent ten years studying all sorts of Japanese blades and started her own business. I’d call that bad ass.” For some reason these memories weren’t as sad as the cherry blossom one.

Dazai pondered that for a minute before nodding.

“She sounds like an amazing woman.”

“Oh, trust me she was. She would’ve hated you and your bullshit avoiding work stuff. She was kind but would not take any laziness.”

Chuuya caught himself and turned into the park. Dazai didn’t need to know any of this. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t afford to get worked up again.

“Anyway, here we are. What do you want to do here?” asked Chuuya. Dazai looked at him sideways before smiling again.

“I don’t know, what does one normally do in a park?” asked Dazai.

“I don’t know? Hang out? Talk? Walk around? Have a picnic?” Chuuya wracked his brain for more ideas. “I haven’t hung out in a park in years.”

Maybe he should do that sometime with the kids. Kyouka would love the flowers and Ryu could definitely use some sunlight. Gin would enjoy the change in scenery and would love to watch people. Maybe this weekend? He could propose the idea to them, see if they wanted too. He didn’t have to worry about taking emergency shifts at the diner for extra money nowadays.

“Chuuuuyaaaaa, you are zoning out again,” complained Dazai.

“Fuck off,” said Chuuya sweetly. “We can do whatever you want to do. You were the one who wanted to come here.”

Dazai nodded, looking around wistfully.

“Why did you even want to come here?” Dazai was acting so weird about this. He was tense like he was worried people were going to jump him.

“That’s for me to know, chibi,” said Dazai. His voice was low and solemn. Then his expression bounced back. “Can we get crepes??”

Chuuya looked down the way to where a small crepe vendor was, with a long, long line.

“Uh sure I guess.” It was so strange. Dazai was acting like a child. The week Chuuya had known him he never acted like a Mafia boss in front of him. In front of his subordinates, he acted like one. If they knew what he was really like, they never would have stayed loyal to him. How did he ever become in charge anyway?

They got in line. Chuuya watched the people walk past for a minute before glancing at Dazai.

Dazai was staring around. At the people, the trees, the grass, all of it. He looked like he was taking it all in for the first time ever. The smell of fresh cut grass and the sounds of the city mixing with the shouts of the children. He almost seemed… Overwhelmed by it all.

“Are you okay?” asked Chuuya, nudging him.

“Hmm?” asked Dazai, tearing his gaze away from the sights around him. “Oh yeah why?”

“You just seem…” Chuuya struggled for the word. “Confused? Have you never been here before?”

“Not right here. I’ve seen it from my window obviously but it’s just so different up close.”

“So, you never came here on your year off of the mafia?” asked Chuuya.

“Let’s just say I didn’t spend a lot of time frolicking in parks.” Dazai’s voice had darkened considerably.

“Oh,” said Chuuya. “I see.” What had Dazai been doing on his off year? If he wanted to see this park so badly, why didn’t he just go then?

The line slowly inched forward until they got to the front. Dazai bounced right up to the person selling them and ordered the sweetest option they had available. Chuuya smiled awkwardly at the man, trying to apologize with his eyes. Dazai slapped a bill down on the counter and walked away.

They walked through the park, and it took Chuuya a minute to realize Dazai wasn’t eating it. Dazai just walked along, staring at it from every angle, like he was trying to figure out what its battle strategy was.

“Umm so the whole point is to eat it,” said Chuuya. Dazai looked up at him, almost wearing a startled look. Dazai never looked startled. He could instruct people to go wipe out an entire organization and all of their families, but a crepe caught him off guard.

“Yeah, I know,” said Dazai.

“Did you put too much sugar on it?” said Chuuya, surprising himself by giggling. “They put up that list of add-ons for you to choose one, not all of them.”

“No, it’s just…” Dazai let out a sigh. “I’ve never had a crepe before. I don’t want to be disappointed.”

“Come on, it's just a crepe Dazai,” said Chuuya. “If you aren’t going to eat it, I will.”

Dazai glared at him for a minute before taking a bite. He was being so serious about this. What’s the big deal? It’s just a crepe. Dazai chewed slowly for a minute before swallowing. Then nothing.

“Come on, what do you think?” asked Chuuya, way more intrigued to hear the answer then he wanted to be.

“I like it,” said Dazai softly before taking another bite.

“Alright now I know one thing about you. You like crepes. Is this seriously your first one?”

“Yeah so?” asked Dazai defensively.

“Alright alright.” How often did he go out of the office? I mean even Chuuya has had a crepe and he has never been dripping in money. Dazai had money and people to bring him stuff if he wanted it. What was stopping him from enjoying a crepe? “What else do you want to do here today?”

“I think I’m done,” said Dazai, voice empty.

“Oh. Sorry,” said Chuuya. He had ruined it for Dazai. Chuuya’s stomach twirled with guilt. He was just joking around and now he had ruined everything.

Chuuya began to question the reason for this outing for the millionth time. First, he thought Dazai was making fun of him. Then he thought that Dazai was just trying to find a way to get under Mori’s skin. Now he didn’t know what to think. I mean what was he supposed to think? Dazai acted like he had never been to a park before and admitted he had never tried a crepe. His dad had this whole city under his thumb, but Dazai acted like he had never seen anything past his penthouse window.

AND he had been out of the Mafia for a year. Chuuya had seen him. How did he not get to see any of this? If he really wanted to, why didn’t he? And if he didn’t really want to then why were they here now? Whenever Chuuya felt like he was putting two pieces together the puzzle doubled in size.

“No, it’s not you,” said Dazai. “I’m done now, let's head back.” Dazai put his smile back on. “This sugar will help me bother my dad even more!”

Chuuya forced a laugh and stood up. Dazai followed him back down the little path through the grass. They walked back to the Port Mafia building. Chuuya noticed that Dazai had finished the entire crepe.

Chapter Text

It only got weirder from there. Two days later Dazai came bouncing into the vault again.

“Jesus if you don’t let me work then I will never file all of this stuff for you,” snapped Chuuya. Dazai had been out of the office for most of the morning (as he loved to announce to Chuuya in a super loud annoying way) and just recently came back.

“I know but come on. I wanna go to the carnival. It just came to town,” said Dazai, in a somewhat muted voice. Like he was scared that Chuuya would laugh at him.

“I don’t have time. I get off of work in like an hour,” said Chuuya, still sifting through papers.
Dazai reached out and grabbed his arm. Chuuya was about to yank away when he saw the look in Dazai’s one brown eye. If Chuuya didn’t know any better, he would have said Dazai looked desperate.

“Please Chuuya. I can pay you overtime, double it whatever you need. I really want to go today.”

Chuuya didn’t know when the line between boss and needy-almost-friend got blurred but it felt like Dazai was a friend asking him to go out after a rough day. Chuuya sighed. He was so freaking nice.

“You don’t have to pay me overtime, but you have to pay for me, my brother and sisters tonight. We can go after they get back from school. Five sounds alright?” asked Chuuya. Dazai’s eyes lit up just a little bit.

“Yup that sounds great, I would love to meet your family!” he said brightly.

“Okay great,” said Chuuya. Dazai let go of his arm and Chuuya went back to his sorting and filing. After he finished organizing it, he would make cards explaining what was in each drawer. Yay.

Once 2 rolled around Chuuya locked the vault back up. He looked down at his phone, fiddling with his earbuds. He slowly trapsed toward the door.

“I’m heading out Dazai!” he called out. There was no response. Chuuya looked up. “Dazai?”

Chuuya started listening more intently and heard a faint creaking noise. He carefully walked towards it, until it got louder and louder. Soon he was pressed up against a wall hearing the strange noise. Chuuya examined the wall panel. Did mafia people really have secret doors? He totally thought that was just in movies where people got killed between a lot of gasping and dramatic pauses.

After a minute of pushing and pulling, Chuuya gave up and kicked the wall hard. Releasing anger like that had not always worked in his favor (He didn’t know that that chair had been nearly $4000 dollars) but this time it did. The wall panel went in slightly before popping out and almost knocking Chuuya over. He scrambled back and looked into a small dark room.
There was a small wooden dresser and an old wiry bed and nothing else. No carpet, no lights, no anything. It looked more like a prison cell. And the “prisoner” was sitting in the bed rocking back and forth causing the insisting creaking noise. In one hand he was clutching a small pocket knife by the blade, causing blood to drip down his palm.
Dazai looked up at Chuuya, single brown eyes dead and unseeing.

“Dazai?” asked Chuuya gently. Dazai started to shake like he wanted to cry but couldn’t. “I-I’m sorry.” He knew Dazai wasn’t his real name, Chuuya used it anyways, He couldn’t care less. To the man’s knowledge his real name was Mori Osamu. Chuuya tried to use that information as an advantage now; “Would you prefer Mori? Or Osamu?”

Dazai looked away from him and resumed his relentless rocking. Chuuya took a step forward and when that garnered no reaction, he walked forward until he was right in front of Dazai.

“Dazai what’s wrong?” he asked. No response. Chuuya reached for the knife, but the boy only clutched it closer, making more blood spurt out of the wound. “Dazai, I need you to give me the knife.” He tried to wrestle it from Dazai, but the brunette just clutched it tighter and tighter.

Chuuya groaned and sat next to him.

“Dazai, look at me.”

No response.

“Please?”

Dazai’s brown eye looked up, locked with Chuuya’s blue.

“It’s going to be okay, I promise. I just need you to answer me one question.”

Dazai’s face screwed up in a grimace, but he didn’t look away. Chuuya tried to look as comforting as he could.

“What is your favorite color?”

The knife slightly loosened in Dazai’s grip, but Chuuya didn’t make a move to grab it. Dazai stared at him with a look of pure confusion.

“What is your favorite color?” Chuuya repeated. “You know what colors are right?”

Dazai blinked rapidly, brow furrowing. He thought for a long moment before speaking up.

“I like blue,” he said in a quiet voice that Chuuya never heard from him before. “I like blue.”

“Oh yeah? Tell me about some blue things that you like.”

Dazai thought for another minute, taking the question very seriously.

“I like the ocean surrounding Yokohama and I like the sky above it. Blue is very clean and calm,” he said quietly.

Chuuya noticed how the ocean and the sky were things Dazai could see very well from the office. He probably never leaves the office if that small room is the one, he slept in. Chuuya thought back to every day the past year when Dazai was sitting outside the bus stop. He was always gone by the time Chuuya got back from work. What had he been doing exactly?

“They are pretty beautiful huh?” said Chuuya. He reached out again and gently took Dazai’s hand that wasn’t holding the knife. “I think I know of another blue thing you are going to like.”

“What?” asked Dazai.

“The blue cotton candy at the carnival tonight.”

Dazai’s grip on the knife relaxed even more. Chuuya carefully pulled it from his grip and slipped it into his coat pocket. Dazai just continued to stare at him mesmerized. Chuuya offered him a weak smile. Blush crept over his cheeks and honestly who could blame him? No one had ever looked at him like that. Like he hung the fucking sun in the sky. It was so weird to see, especially from Dazai.

“You okay now?”

Dazai’s expression dropped into nonchalance. His mask was back on, but his hands were shaking.

“Yeah of course I’m okay Chibi. Shouldn’t you be gone by now?” he said, voice loud and obnoxious again.

“Uhhh,” said Chuuya, staring at him. “Before I leave, I wanna to know what just happened.” Dazai smiled brightly but this time it was even more clear how plastic it was.

“What do you mean?”

“You were sitting here sobbing and then suddenly you are just all fine again? Do you want to take me for a fool?” Chuuya rubbed the back of Dazai’s hand with his thumb. “You know you don’t have to put on these masks with me, right? I practically bared my soul to you last week on the bridge. It's okay for you to show emotions.”
Dazai pulled away and stood up. He stretched out and smiled at Chuuya.

“I’m fine, slug.” He stared at Chuuya for a minute while his smile grew. “You look like a sheep dog right now. Big puppy eyes so worried for his master.”
Chuuya’s jaw dropped, it was like Dazai flipped a switch. He jolted to his feet and shoved at Dazai’s chest.

“I’m not your fucking dog!” he shouted, gripping the front of Dazai’s shirt. “I work for you, you bastard. Do you call the rest of your employees dogs?”
Dazai’s smile dipped for a minute.

“Chuuya, you wound me. We have a connection, you and I.” He almost sounded serious.

“Yeah whatever. The connection that can only be gained through me feeding your rich miserable ass. Why were you posing as homeless for a year? Was my lunch just that good?

“Call it a teenagers rebellion,” said Dazai. Chuuya snorted.

“Whatever. I’m going home,” snapped Chuuya. Dazai opened his mouth for a moment, but no words came out. “Spit it out!” snapped Chuuya but Dazai didn’t. “You look like a fish. An ugly fish. Like a Mackerel.”

With that Chuuya stormed out of the small room and into the hallway. He had made it halfway to the elevator before freezing and running back in.

Dazai was seated at his desk holding a picture frame. He dropped it into a desk drawer as soon as Chuuya came barging in.

“Did Chibi miss me already?” asked Dazai. “You truly are a loyal dog.”

“Do you want to come by my place for a little bit? That way it’s easier to get to the carnival tonight?” blurted Chuuya. He winced slightly. Now that the offer was out, he couldn’t take it back, but he didn’t want Dazai to be alone right now.

Dazai started to smile when he looked at something over Chuuya’s shoulder. His face froze in the closest thing to fear that Chuuya had seen out of him. The red-head whirled around to see a tall man with raven-black hair.

“You must be Osamu’s latest toy!” said the man brightly. Chuuya opened his mouth to disagree, but the man kept on going. “I’m Osamu’s dad, Mori Ougai.”

“Nakahara Chuuya,” said Chuuya haltingly.

“Oh, I know,” he said, smiling in a way that made Chuuya’s skin crawl. “I know everything Osamu gets up too.” That last comment was aimed over Chuuya’s shoulder at Dazai.
Chuuya turned back to the brunette who had molded his face into a neutral expression.

“Hello father,” he said dully. “Again?”

“Mmm hmm,” said Mori brightly. “But you already knew that didn’t you?” Dazai’s eyes were half lidded as he stood up and walked past Chuuya.

“Maybe next time Chibi.”

“Are we still going tonight?” asked Chuuya.

“Yup we will be done by five,” said Mori, answering for him. “You may go now.”

Dazai came to stand right next to Mori. The raven-haired man put a heavy hand on his shoulder. Dazai’s single brown eye looked at Chuuya, almost pleading. But Chuuya didn’t know what to do.

“Yes sir. It was a pleasure to meet you,” said Chuuya with a quick bow.

He speed-walked out of there as fast as he could manage and jumped into the elevator. The floors clicked by until the elevator dinged, and he stepped out, finding Tachihara in his usual place.

“You're late,” said Tachihara, one arm dangling out the window.

“Something came up,” said Chuuya, slamming the door shut. “I have questions.” Tachihara sighed.

“Ok, shoot.”

“When you said Dazai’s latest project had been trying to spy on another organization, did you mean like over the past few months, he had been talking to people and trying to get information?” Demanded Chuuya.

Tachihara started to drive, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Not exactly. He had been missing for like a year. He only came back when we picked him up with you from the river bed.” Tachihara threw a sideways glance at Chuuya, who was glaring daggers at him. “But before he vanished that was the mission he was assigned to.”

“Okay what can you tell me about that last mission that made him leave?”

“I-I don’t know honestly!! His latest secretary had been another red head, I think. He was a bit older than the others. Then he stopped coming in one day which wasn’t all that unusual. He did stick around longer than some of the others though and the days after he left, the Boss was said to be distraught. Well, as distraught as the Demon Prodigy could be.”

“Okay and then what?” Chuuya practically shouted.

“He left okay!?!?” stammered Tachihara, almost swerving them off the road “Jesus, he just left and didn’t come back. The Big Boss said not to go after him and that he would learn his lesson after he came back.”

“Okay and do you know what this lesson may be? Has Dazai been acting strangely? Has Mori been acting strangely?”

“Honestly Chuuya I don’t know. Not everyone in the mafia has such an intimate relationship with the Boss, okay?” snapped Tachihara. He jerked the wheel hard, sending them skidding around the turn through a light that was red.

Chuuya leaned back in the seat reviewing this new information and filing it away. They were all just jumbled puzzle pieces in his mind that he didn’t know how to put together. Hell, maybe they weren’t even from the same puzzle. But he was sure it would come together eventually.

“Sorry,” said Chuuya meekly. “I didn’t mean to interrogate you. Just weird things happened today while I was working.”

“Yeah?” asked Tachihara, voice dropping down to normal. “You want to talk about it?”

“Not until I know the meaning of it,” said Chuuya simply.

“Okay. And you're fine? I get it the Mafia can be weird and overwhelming and scary.” Jesus was this kid a saint? Whenever Chuuya got… edgy people tended to shut up.

“I’m not scared,” snapped Chuuya, incredulous. Tachihara laughed.

“Yeah okay.”

The rest of the drive went by in a sort of calm silence. Chuuya mulled over everything: Dazai and his knife, Mori and his vicious smile, Dazai’s last mission.

Tachihara pulled up in front of the apartment and bid Chuuya farewell. They tipped hats and Chuuya went inside hoping he would still be able to focus on his school work.

Chapter Text

“We are going to a carnival?” squealed Kyouka.

“Yup. At five tonight. My boss is going to come by with us,” said Chuuya. The four of them were in their usual spots on the couch, Gin and Kyouka on one spot sharing a blanket with Chuuya and Ryu on the other side.

“Isn’t that weird?” asked Ryu. “That your boss will be accompanying us to a carnival?”

“He offered to pay for the little excursion,” said Chuuya with a shrug. “Besides, I don’t think he is going to be what you are expecting.”

“What kind of food are they going to have?” asked Kyouka, eyes wide.

“This one is American style so probably more western-world stuff. Like cotton candy and…,” Chuuya wracked his brain trying to remember what else it had said on the little flier Dazai had sent him. Chuuya had no idea where Dazai had gotten his number but honestly it wasn’t a shock. The part that Chuuya didn’t like was all the unanswered messages about what happened with Mori. Maybe Chuuya could squeeze more information out of him later. “…Hot dogs? I don’t remember but it will be good.”

“Kouyou took us to a carnival once,” said Gin, in her usual quiet tone. “Kyouka wasn’t born yet, and I hardly remember it.”

“Hopefully going again will bring back nice memories,” said Chuuya. She nodded.

There was a knock on the door and Chuuya jumped. He walked over and pulled it open revealing the Demon Prodigy of Yokohama’s underworld in a sweatshirt and jeans looking nervous. Like honest to God nervous. He was fiddling with the bandages wrapped up his arms, brown eye darting around, taking in all of Chuuya’s home.

“H-hey,” stammered Chuuya, surprised by Dazai’s appearance. “Come on in.”

Dazai stepped in just enough for Chuuya to shut the door. The three kids were sitting on the couch staring at him. Dazai looked almost… intimidated? Chuuya swallowed a laugh.

“Uh, meet Kyouka, Gin, and Ryunosuke. Guys this is-”

“Mori Osamu?” asked Ryu, sweetly. Chuuya glared at him.

“Yeah, but I prefer Dazai,” said the brunette simply.

The tension was so thick Chuuya could cut it with a knife. He looked at Dazai who was standing sort of stiffly. Chuuya never thought the situation would be this awkward.

“Pleasure to meet you all,” said Dazai. He turned to Chuuya. “Should I go?” he asked softly. He pulled a credit card from his pocket and offered it to Chuuya.

Dazai looked exhausted. His eyes seemed to be sunken into his face and his shoulders were hunched over. Chuuya was able to read him like an open book.

I can’t do all this right now.

“No? Come on Tachihara’s waiting downstairs?” he asked. Dazai froze. How many times had he been told no in his life? As the heir of the Port mafia, probably close to never.

“Yeah, he should be.”

“Okay come on then,” said Chuuya.

He opened the door and after a minute Kyouka stood up and raced out. Gin followed her with Ryu close behind.

“Come on,” said Chuuya, gesturing Dazai forward. Dazai shook his head.

“I don’t want it to be so awkward,” he said softly.

“It won’t be, come on,” said Chuuya, grabbing his arm.

Dazai flinched, hissing in pain. Chuuya let go startled.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” asked Chuuya. He examined Dazai a little closer. The bandages that always wound up his body seemed more numerous than earlier today. Combine that with his hunched shoulders and soulless eyes… What exactly had his “meeting” with Mori consisted of? What could drain his normally infinite bundle of energy?

“No, I'm fine,” muttered Dazai. He glared at Chuuya with a very clear stop asking questions look.

“Great, let's go,” said Chuuya, linking arms with Dazai and gently pulling him out the door.

When they finally got down, the kids were already in the car. Kyouka was talking very loud and very fast to Tachihara about something and he was turned around in his seat to face her. Chuuya opened the door, Dazai got in. Chuuya sat down next to the boy, and they were off.

Somehow Tachihara was able to fix the whole mood. He had different conversation topics for each of the kids trying to learn more about them. He even succeeded to rope Chuuya and Dazai into the conversation, even though Dazai had been dismissive most of the time.

Dazai was in full Demon Prodigy mode. He talked the same as he did when issuing orders to his subordinates. Tachihara, the normally bright and chatty one, seemed on edge when talking to him.

Still, Chuuya was going to have to thank Tachihara a thousand times over for this. Even Akutagawa was relaxing.

Tachihara pulled up at the carnival and everyone tumbled out.

“Gimme a call when you guys are done,” he said, tipping his hat at Chuuya. Chuuya tipped his back and rushed to catch up with the others.

Dazai turned around from the ticket, handing everyone the wristbands that let them have free reign over all the stuff there and hand them each 14,000 yen. Kyouka stared at the bills in her hand.

“Are you serious right now?” she asked Dazai, looking like she would kick him in the shins if he was kidding.

“Nope,” he said, smiling for the first time tonight. “My treat, have at it.”

Kyouka squealed and ran off. Chuuya started to run after her, but Gin caught his arm.

“I got her tonight,” she said quietly. Before Chuuya could protest, Gin ran after her.

Someone tapped on his shoulder and Chuuya turned to find Ryu holding up the bills to him.

“Here,” he said, softly.

“Ryu, it's fine,” said Chuuya. “The whole point of this is to go out and have fun for a while.”

“But won’t it help?” asked Ryu.

“Probably,” admitted Chuuya, “But I don’t want you to worry about that okay. You're still a teenager and should enjoy that. Just for tonight at least, okay?”

Ryu stared at him, still uncertain. Dazai walked up.

“Shoo Chibi, give me a minute,” Dazai said, waving him off. Chuuya stared at him, incredulous. “Shoo!” shouted Dazai.

“Oh God, fine!” snapped Chuuya walking off.

He turned back to stare at Dazai, whispering something in Ryu’s ear. Ryu nodded slightly before walking off to join his siblings. Dazai walked over to Chuuya, grinning proudly.

“What did you just do?” demanded Chuuya.

“Nothing,” said Dazai, innocently. “I’m just persuasive, that's all.”

“Hmph,” huffed Chuuya, crossing his arms. Dazai frowned at him and started poking his cheek. And then he wouldn’t stop. He kept poking Chuuya until the redhead swatted him away, biting back a grin.

“I can’t have Chuuya mad at me. You are supposed to be showing me around the carnival.”

Chuuya rolled his eyes.

“Yeah whatever. I’m always mad at you,” snapped the boy. He dropped his arms and looked around. “I suppose you’ve never been to one of these either?” Dazai nodded, somewhat embarrassed. “Well neither have I! Let’s give it a go, shall we?”

And for the first time in ages Chuuya felt himself start to relax. Him and Dazai walked the entire carnival trying out everything.

The hall of mirrors was Chuuya’s least favorite activity. It would have been fine if it hadn’t been for Dazai complaining loudly the whole time about how he hated to be surrounded by Chuuya’s ugly reflection. He whined that he couldn’t look anywhere without seeing Chuuya’s ugly hat and crab-like hair.

Chuuya fought back the urge to throw Dazai into one of the mirrors.

Then they tried out all the carnival games. Dazai insisted on paying for every game Chuuya wanted to play. This made the red-head swear to not play any of the games and waste any more of Dazai’s money. Dazai had other ideas.

“It’s okay Chibi. You can play. I won’t tease you too harshly when you lose.”

“Ha??What do you mean when??” shouted Chuuya. “You know that I could beat you at every game here!”

“Big words from such a small guy,” said Dazai, grinning.

Chuuya knew it was a trick. He knew Dazai was goading him, but it didn’t matter. He was not going to let some fish smelling bastard think he was better than Chuuya.

The first game was one where you had to knock over milk cans. Dazai gave a half assed attempt and wasn’t able to topple one of them. Chuuya snorted and proceeded to knock over two of the three.

“See? ‘When I lose’ my ass,” said Chuuya.

“But you didn’t knock them all over,” noted Dazai.

“Doesn’t matter,” said Chuuya, “Still knocked over more than you so I won.”

“C’mon Chibi. Knock over all three.”

“Why?” snapped Chuuya.

“I want one of the prizes.” Chuuya sighed heavily.

“Well, aren’t you needy?”

“Please?”

Chuuya stared at him before groaning.

“Fine.”

Dazai slapped another bill down on the counter and the person running the stand handed Chuuya the balls.

“You know you could just buy one of those for like 600 yen, right?” he asked, cocking his arm back.

“But then it wouldn’t be a gift from Chibi,” said Dazai. Chuuya snorted and threw the ball as hard as he could. Half of the stack went down but not all three.

Chuuya must have played a dozen times before he was finally able to find just the right spot to knock them over. When he finally did, Dazai grinned.

“Alright Mackerel, which one do you want?” he asked.

“That one!” exclaimed Dazai, pointing at the huge blue koala bear, adorned with sequins. Chuuya laughed as the person got it down. Dazai squeezed it tight, burying his face in the fur.

After that Dazai stopped playing games. Instead, he just brought Chuuya around to every stall that had a stuffed animal he wanted and made Chuuya play until he won. Soon both of them had arms full of prizes.

They ran into the kids sometime later and Gin laughed.

“You both look ridiculous,” she said quietly.

“Hey, blame this bastard,” said Chuuya, pointing at Dazai. Dazai just smiled like a kid.

“Great!” said Kyouka, grabbing Chuuya’s hand and dragging him up to one of the stalls. “Win me that bunny.”

Chuuya groaned but smiled. He handed off the prizes he was holding to Ryu. He couldn’t help but laugh at Ryu’s expression. You would have thought he had been handed a dead ferret, not a giant pink unicorn and a fluffy monkey.

The person running the stall handed Chuuya some basketballs. It took Chuuya a few times to get all three in but once he did Kyouka started jumping up and down. The person handed her the bunny that was almost as big as she was. Kyouka giggled and smiled so wide. Her eyes seemed to sparkle as she stared at the plush.

“Thank you Chuuya,” she said, trying to hug him without letting go of the bunny.

“No problem, bunny.” Even Ryu was smiling at her reaction.

While he was distracted, Gin took one of the smaller prizes from Dazai and set it on her brother's head before snapping a picture. She showed it to Chuuya while Ryu shouted for her to delete it. Chuuya laughed at the picture of Ryu, utterly bewildered holding giant stuffed animals with a small pink octopus on his head.

Gin stepped back out of Ryu’s reach. He yelled at her in a way that would have been threatening if he wasn’t also smiling. Kyouka ran over to Dazai, showing him the bunny while he smiled and nodded along.

Chuuya realized this was probably the happiest he has been in years. He looked at Dazai just to find him staring straight back at Chuuya. Well maybe he wasn’t looking very ‘straight’.

Inwardly kicking himself, Chuuya looked away. He wished that his cheeks would cool off, but they just wouldn’t.

“Chibiiiiiiiii,” said Dazai brightly. “When are we going to go get cotton candy, like you promised me?”

Kyouka’s eyes went as wide as saucers, remembering from earlier when Chuuya explained to her what cotton candy was.

“Can we go get cotton candy?” she pleaded. Chuuya let his gaze slide from Dazai to Kyouka and back again.

“Alright alright fine,” said Chuuya. There was a resounding “wooo” from Dazai and Kyouka.

Chuuya grinned and led them back to the front of the carnival. The carnival had been set up in the area of the park where there were some tables and benches. Chuuya helped Dazai dump the stuffed animals on one of the tables, before walking over to the stands selling food.

It was no easy feat trying to order food when Kyouka and Dazai were cross-shouting things they wanted. Gin laughed slightly at Chuuya’s confused expression.

Chuuya had hoped that Dazai wouldn’t be paying attention so that he could pay for the food, but Dazai slipped the card to the person before Chuuya could grab his own. He felt bad that Dazai had spent so much money on him. No matter if it was just over stupid stuff like this, Chuuya felt dependent.

He had never felt like that before, even when Kouyou had been so generous to him. He was still standing on his own two feet, paying her back for the place to stay and food to eat by keeping her apartment clean and helping her with all the work for her job she didn’t want to do. Sure, it was easier than living on his own, but he chalked that up to them being family.

They finally got food and sat down on the very edge of the table where there weren't any huge prizes.

Dazai and Kyouka had both gotten huge sticks of cotton candy: Pink for Kyouka and blue for Dazai. Gin had gotten a funnel cake. She spent a bit trying to convince Ryu to taste it and once he did, he wouldn’t stop eating. Chuuya laughed as he got powdered sugar all over his black shirt.

They settled into a comfortable silence enjoying the food and the cool evening breeze. Dazai tapped on Chuuya’s shoulder and Chuuya turned to him.

“Come ride the Ferris wheel with me?” he asked. Chuuya nodded and stood up.

“Okay stay here I will be back in ten minutes tops, okay?” he said. The kids all smiled and nodded.

Chuuya walked Dazai to the Ferris wheel and they got in line. For once Dazai wasn’t making sarcastic comments and bothering Chuuya, just staring at the sunset.

They finally got into one of the bucket things and sat down across from each other. They were moved up inch by inch as the people continued to fill the buckets. They finally got to the top and Chuuya looked at Dazai.

Dazai was looking at the waters of Yokohama that shone gold in the light of the setting sun. He looked absolutely mesmerized by the sight. He had the same look in his eyes when Chuuya talked to him about the sky and the sea and cotton candy.

He looks to peaceful thought Chuuya, smiling maybe he isn’t so dif-

Dazai’s head whipped around, and he locked eyes with Chuuya. The red-head flinched away, making the bucket rock. He froze, letting the bucket still, before looking back to Dazai. Chuuya felt his cheeks redden which was stupid. Looking at Dazai wasn’t a crime. In fact, he noticed Dazai watching him all the time.

“Uh…” started Chuuya, eloquently.

“Thank you, really,” said Dazai, saving Chuuya from having to find an excuse. “Thank you for coming here with me tonight.”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” said Chuuya, waving his hand. “You paid for everything. I never would have been able to pull this off by myself.”

“No really Chuuya. It isn’t nothing. There are some things in the world more precious than money.” Dazai wasn’t smiling or joking around now. This was perhaps the longest Chuuya had seen him serious for.

“Y-yeah,” stammered Chuuya, trying to find something to say.

An odd thought struck him hard.

“What do you pay me for?”

Dazai blinked and Chuuya could practically see the gears in his head turning with the change of topic.

“You work for me,” said Dazai, simply.

“Yes, but what do I do for you?”

Dazai’s expression grew more confused.

“All the file organizing I don’t want to do.” Dazai put his plastic smile on. “Eventually I am going to make you write my mission reports.” Chuuya’s expression darkened. This mask of Dazai’s was defensive which meant that Chuuya was poking something that Dazai didn’t want to be poked. Which means that Chuuya should stop.

But of course, he didn’t.

“Okay but then why did you include these favors as part of my job listing?” Dazai paled but Chuuya just kept going. “I learned that the year I got to know you was your ‘year off’ from the Mafia and before that you were doing exactly what you are doing with me right now. It was speculated that you were using people to investigate another group but that just sounds unreasonable. Especially now that it's a whole year later? And I don’t know anything about any criminal organizations.”

“Well, what if you did but didn’t know about it,” said Dazai, voice becoming haughty. “I know things about your older sister that would make your hair curl. Your close relationship with her could be useful for me.”

This time Chuuya didn’t let himself get distracted. Not even by Kouyou. He was getting closer to the root of the problem.

“Okay but if you know me and my sister’s relationship at all you know that she would want to protect me and give me plausible deniability,” Chuuya shot back. He took in a breath and lowered his voice. “I have to ask something, and I want you to answer honestly. I know that isn’t normal for you but please don’t lie.”

“Well, I hardly think you have any right to ask me-” started Dazai.

“Are you paying me to be your friend?”

Dazai froze mid-sentence.

“W-what?” stammered the Demon Prodigy.

“I said, are you paying me to be your friend,” repeated Chuuya.

“I-I-,” choked out Dazai.

Chuuya pulled a picture out of his pocket. It was the same photo that Dazai had given him as a promise. He pointed to the tall red-head in the photo.

“I did some research. The person before me was this O-”

“Don’t say his name,” snapped Dazai.

“Okay,” said Chuuya gently. “I know that he was one of the people you picked for your ‘investigation.’ He was killed and no one knows why. That was right before you left the Port Mafia. You left because you lost your friend, right?”

Dazai’s face was slack, and his eyes were glossy. He looked away from Chuuya, gazing at the water. Chuuya let it drop for a moment, watching Dazai’s face closely.

“Do you know what it is like to be alone?” asked Dazai. Chuuya thought it over for a moment.

“Yeah,” he said. “I know a thing or two about it.”

“Do you know how it can wear down on a person?”

Chuuya thought back to the first months after Kouyou died. He spent all his time alone running numbers, trying to pull more hours out of thin air. He would go to bed at night and feel so separated from everyone else, like an alien pretending to be human.

“Yeah.”

“It was an experiment,” said Dazai with a breathy laugh. “I just wanted to see if I had to be alone. None of the test subjects brought me any pleasure. Except for Odasaku. He was-” Dazai stopped to smile sadly. “He was something else. For the first time I didn’t feel alone. I didn’t feel so hollow.”

His face fell and he stared at his hands.

“And then he died, and I realized that I wasn’t meant for nice things. So, I gave up and I ran. I knew how to hide from the mafia, and I had these connections to people… Do you remember when you asked me why I hadn’t visited the park? Because I spent that whole year fucked up on one drug or another. The only clear memories I have are you bringing me lunch.” Dazai clutched his face in his hands and the words just kept spilling out.

“Whenever I’d black out, I’d always end up there. It’s a miracle Mori didn’t find me sooner. I guess my body just found the one thing that was good and kept bringing me back there. If you didn’t bring me food I wouldn’t have eaten. I would’ve died but you didn’t let me, and I will always hate you for that.”

“Then why am I here?” asked Chuuya.

“Honestly,” sighed Dazai. “I don’t know. You will either just make me feel even emptier or I will end up losing you. I should let you go now so we both don’t get hurt.”

“No,” said Chuuya. Dazai looked at him.

“I just said that you might die just by knowing me.”

“Okay so? You would be crazy to think that I am going to leave you alone,” said Chuuya. “Let me tell you something. I don’t give up. Not on life, not on people. Even if you are a bastard and an asshole and a little bitch. I will still stick around.”

Dazai stared at him blankly before reaching up to touch his cheek. He looked at the wetness on his finger and laughed but for once it didn’t sound fake. He stared at the tear with a bemused expression before wiping it away on his jeans.

“You really are a loyal sheep dog,” said Dazai.

Their bucket slid down to the bottom and the people opened the door. Chuuya got out and Dazai followed behind him. Dazai’s smile was back on as he teased Chuuya a bit before they got back to the table.

Just before they were within earshot of the kids, Chuuya stopped him.

“I know that these favors are part of my contract, but they don’t have to be. You don’t have to call in ‘favors’ within work hours. Just call me when you want to hang out… like friends.”

“Oh, is that what we are?” asked Dazai.

“Stop being an ass,” said Chuuya, shoving him. “Just call me, okay?”

“Fine, fine,” Dazai said, waving his hand. “Chuuya had become so soft like a slug without a shell. Or a dog without fangs.”

“Shut up,” snapped Chuuya.

******

Tachihara took them home asking all sorts of questions about the carnival. He was still tip-toeing around Dazai even though the brunette got in the car with a dozen stuffed animals.

They made it back and Chuuya sent the kids upstairs and was just about to follow them-
Dazai caught his arm and pulled him back.

“Can you hold onto these for me?” asked Dazai, gesturing to the mountain of stuffed animals.

“Uh sure, I mean if you want,” said Chuuya.

“I would like that. I want to remember my knight in shining armor who won me all those prizes.”

Chuuya bowed deeply.

“Of course. Anything for my fair maiden,” he said smirking.

Dazai nodded to him and got in the passenger side. Chuuya lugged all the prizes out of the trunk. Tachihara tipped his hat and Chuuya did his best to tip back. They drove off, leaving Chuuya to wrestle many giant, brightly colored stuffed animals into his apartment.

Chapter Text

And so, it continued. For the next few days Chuuya continued to come to work. Dazai wasn’t affected by their conversation, or if he was then he didn’t show it. Chuuya continued to wade through years’ worth of files and Dazai sat around being Dazai.

The only thing that changed was Dazai started texting Chuuya. Every morning Chuuya woke up to a message sent anywhere from 12-5 in the morning, normally something incredibly dumb like: (How do you teach a fish to ski?) or something deep like: (Do mortals fear death because they feel it takes their control?).

Chuuya would write “Good Morning” as most sane people do before trying to come up with some response to the text. Dazai would respond within a few minutes and blow up his phone with what happened since the last time he texted. Chuuya would check the texts every couple of minutes while he got ready in the morning.

The few nights Chuuya couldn’t sleep, they ended up having long conversations. No matter what time it was Dazai was up. So much so Chuuya didn’t think he ever slept.

Dazai would text him periodically throughout the day (yes even when Chuuya was literally five feet from him in the vault) about new things he’s learned or how pissed he was at the last mission or just annoying insults. The more he texted the more all of it just seemed like a cry for attention.

It was two weeks from when Chuuya started working when he got into the car with Tachihara again. Tachihara handed him an envelope.

“What is this?” asked Chuuya, opening it.

“Pay check,” said Tachihara simply, pulling out of the parking lot. Chuuya took out the check, realizing that he never talked to Dazai about how much it would be. So, when he saw the amount, his stomach dropped. Chuuya cursed himself out internally. Normally he was more careful than this, managing financial stuff well and thoroughly. Blame the strange circumstances.

“You’re kidding,” blurted Chuuya.

“What do you mean I’m kidding?” asked Tachihara. Chuuya realized he had been in the middle of talking.

“Uh nothing,” stammered Chuuya, jamming the check back in the envelope. “Sorry, continue.” Chuuya spent the rest of the ride trying to focus on Tachihara’s words but ending up failing.

As soon as he got to the penthouse, Chuuya burst through the doors without knocking. He slammed the check down on Dazai’s desk, staring at the brunette who was playing a game.

“What the fuck is this?” demanded Chuuya. The game’s sound effects stopped and Dazai looked up at Chuuya, then down at the check.

“Your paycheck? Have you never seen one before? Is that why money is so tight with you?” Dazai quirked a smile.

“You ass!!” shouted Chuuya. “I’m not in the mood to be played with so please give me my real paycheck. I have bills to pay tomorrow!”

“Chibi, that’s your real paycheck,” said Dazai, smile falling.

“You do know what I was being paid right?”

“Yes, Chibi I do. I have your banking records on my computer. What is wrong with what I’m paying you now?”

Chuuya sucked in a breath.

“This is two, almost three, times more than my old paycheck!!!”

Dazai’s mouth made a faint ‘o’ shape. He then turned back to his game, unpausing it.

“Is that so?”

“I haven’t earned this much money!! You realize all I have done is organize your hellhole of a closet right?”

“You do realize that not every job pays minimum wage, right?” asked Dazai, spamming buttons.

“Yeah, no shit Sherlock but come on. I thought we agreed that this would be an upgrade because my hours would be cut back.”

“I didn’t say that was the only upgrade.”

“You ass!” screamed Chuuya again. “I don’t need your fucking charity!” Dazai didn’t respond. Chuuya reached over the desk and snatched the gaming console from him. “At least look at me!!”

Dazai stared at his empty hands for a minute. A ghost of a smile flashed over his lips, so fast Chuuya was sure he imagined it.

“I thought I was the needy one,” Dazai murmured.

“What was that?” snapped Chuuya.

Dazai looked up at him, single brown eye bright though his smile had dissolved. He straightened up at his desk.

“I think that the money fits the work you have done for me,” he said, calmly steepling his fingers.

“What exactly-”

“Chuuya,” said Dazai firmly. “I am still your boss. And I am the head of Yokohama’s Port Mafia. The Demon Prodigy. Do you really think it is the best idea to argue with me?”

“I don’t give a shit about all of that! You want to kill me for disrespect then fucking do it, but I will not have this. I will not have you pity me, got it?”

Dazai’s face went slack with shock before he started laughing. Chuuya’s eyebrows creased as Dazai continued to laugh, long and hard.

“What is so funny?” he demanded. Dazai slowly stopped, wiping his eye.

“You never cease to amaze me Chibi,” he said grinning.

Chuuya leaned back slightly so he wasn’t bent over the desk. The arm he didn’t even realize was up, dropped.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Nothing at all slug,” said Dazai, humming. “And for your information that money is not pity money. I have your usual salary that you had to cover for the secretarial work you are doing for me. The second half of it is from Mori in thanks for babysitting me most days. The little extra on top is for taking me places outside of our agreed upon time. So yes I do think the paycheck is fair.”

“Well…” said Chuuya, snatching at something to say. “... uh okay. But you realize you don’t have to pay me that much? I can manage just fine with half that.”

“I know but the mafia has billions to spare so this is fine. Plus, you need a little extra money to save up for that motorcycle, right?”

Chuuya went red. He hadn’t told anyone about that besides Kouyou and even then, it was just a dream. Not an actual tangible thing. At least not yet.

“I…I-”

“Kyouka and I had a chat when she was showing me her bunny. She was talking about all the things her mom had gotten her and how her mom was planning on buying a motorcycle for someone.” Dazai hesitated before continuing. “She said that was going to be your 23rd birthday present.”

And that aching that had clouded Chuuya’s thoughts for almost a year after Kouyou’s death was back. It was so stupid to be so hurt over a motorcycle. But Kouyou knew. She knew that was the sign that Chuuya would finally be free. His very own car to go wherever he wants without having to rely on anyone who would just let him down.

Except it wasn’t a car because that was boring and Chuuya couldn’t think of a bigger ‘fuck you’ to the world then escaping on a hot pink motorcycle. As much as he tried to convince himself it was a dream, he had done his research and found the model he wanted and even set up a plan to be able to buy it.

But that was before she died.

Before everything fell apart.

And he wouldn’t have even had to save the money for it! Kouyou would have given him his chance to escape. She would have given him his freedom because she just couldn’t stop helping him. She had always helped Chuuya in ways he could never hope to repay.

Chuuya didn’t even realize he was crying until he felt a cool hand on his face, brushing away the tears. Dazai had materialized next to him, just a breath away from touching him. Chuuya looked up at him and Dazai’s expression said everything.

He knew.

He knew how much this meant to him.

“I’m sorry,” said Dazai softly. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Chuuya shook his head and sniffed, scrubbing at his cheeks with his sleeve.

“It’s not your fault,” he said, or rather croaked. He sounded like he was an 80 year old chain smoker. “I shouldn’t be this upset anyway. It’s just a stupid bike and-”

Dazai’s hand reached up to cup Chuuya’s face. Chuuya’s blue eyes went wide at the touch.

“Don’t say that. It is perfectly human to be upset like this. I understand.” Dazai gazed down at Chuuya, his other hand taking Chuuya’s limp one. “I understand, ...Odasaku...,” he coughed and cleared his throat. “…Odasaku is dead. But before that he… he took me places. Just small places. We would go drinking and he took me to meet these kids he adopted, and we would just mess around. For the first time I thought… I thought…”

Dazai’s voice cracked. Chuuya was about to insist that he didn’t have to share this when he pushed forward.

“I thought things could get better! That I wouldn’t be so trapped… so alone. Then he-” Dazai sniffed and tilted his head up, blinking rapidly. “Goddamn Chibi this is the second time.” His voice was lighter but still shaking.

“Second time for what?” asked Chuuya, squeezing Dazai’s hand.

“Second time I’ve cried.”

“Like ever?” asked Chuuya, aghast. Maybe he was just a stupid cry baby if it was normal to not cry.

“No,” said Dazai, looking back down. “Since Odasaku died. At least from emotions not pain.”

“I feel like there is a lot to unpack there,” said Chuuya, bringing his hand up to Dazai’s. Dazai let out a breathy laugh. “It’s nothing”

“It’s nothing chibi. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this,” said Dazai, pulling away. Chuuya caught his hands.

“No I’m glad you did,” he said softly.

“That’s what I’m afraid of. I didn’t mean for…” Dazai shook himself and pulled away, plopping down in his desk chair. “Good chat chibi.”

Chuuya nodded, startled.

“Yeah that was good. I love having conversations where people end up crying.”

After a moment Chuuya went to the vault and got to work. For once Dazai didn’t bother him. At one point Chuuya ducked his head out of the door to see him staring at a framed photo, eyes glossy.

Chuuya finished up his hours before quietly taking his leave. Dazai was uncharacteristically quiet that night, not sending Chuuya a single message.

The one thing Chuuya wanted more than anything right now was to know who Odasaku was and how he had first opened the Demon Prodigy’s heart.

Chapter Text

That one paycheck set them up nicely. Almost all of Chuuya’s bills were paid off and he put the rest in a savings account. The stupid landlord was finally paid in full and when Chuuya extracted himself from the lengthy conversation with the talkative man he went back to the apartment to collapse on his bed.

They still had no food in the house besides Ryu’s requests for dinner and breakfast for the kids, but Chuuya didn’t mind. He wasn’t going to waste this precious income on food for himself. He knew that was wrong and stupid and turning himself into a martyr, but he didn’t care.

Over the weekend Chuuya took his siblings out to the park. A bunch of families were walking around, enjoying the sun and the breeze. Their family was a lot more broken than most, but Chuuya loved that he was able to hang out with his siblings for one.

They stopped and the little crepe stand and Chuuya got Kyouka a crepe. The strange thing was that she reacted just like Dazai, savoring it like she would only ever have it this once. Gin was able to weasel one bite out of her food but that was all.

They hung out in the sun admiring the cherry blossoms that were starting to fade now. Kyouka kept making up games for them to play and she even got Ryu to smile.

For the first time in a long time Chuuya was able to enjoy the day without thinking of all the money he was missing out on or how much more work he could be doing for his classes.

Everything was okay.

The weekend came to an end and Chuuya came back to work. He was almost… excited. All the filing was almost done. He was terrified that once he was completely finished Dazai would let him go and he would be back to scouring the earth for jobs to cover his expenses, but Chuuya liked nothing more than getting something done. Especially a long project that took him two weeks to accomplish. Especially a project that kept being interrupted by a stupid bandaged hooligan.

A couple of hours into Monday morning Chuuya stood up and stretched. He wandered out of the vault trying to get his muscles to relax. Sitting crouched on the floor trying to organize things wasn’t the best for his posture. Anyway, Chuuya walked into the main room deciding to bother Dazai for a change.

“Oi Mackerel-” Chuuya cut off with a soft sound. It wasn’t that creaking noise, and it wasn’t Dazai’s soft crying. Those were the only times Dazai had ever been quiet. No now it was soft breathing.

Dazai was fast asleep, snoring.

The brunette was curled up in his desk chair, a small strand of drool dripping from a corner of his mouth. His hair was slightly ruffled, falling into his face. His cheeks were paler than Chuuya expected. Chuuya reached out, slipping his sweatshirt off. He was in control of his body for sure, but he wasn’t really thinking of the actions or what they might mean when he draped it over Dazai, gently.

Jerking back, a gun was pressed against Chuuya’s forehead. Chuuya yelped as Dazai glared at him.

“What were you doing?” demanded Dazai, voice hard as steel.

“Y-you looked cold. That’s all. It’s freezing in here.” Chuuya tried to get his heartbeat to still, but it was hard with the gun pressed to his head. Dazai wouldn’t actually shoot him. Would he?

“Don’t lie,” spat Dazai. “What were you trying to do?”

“I was just taking a break and came out to see you asleep. And it’s cold. How is that a crime?”

“Do you swear it?” demanded Dazai. “I can’t tell if you're lying.” That last bit came out angry, like Dazai was pissed he couldn’t read Chuuya’s mind.

“I am not. I swear that’s all I was trying to do. Why? Do people normally creep in on you when you are asleep and try to kill you or something?”

“Not to kill me,” said Dazai darkly. “If he just wanted to kill me, I'd be fine with that.”

“Who?” asked Chuuya. “Who tries to do what?”

Dazai’s eyes went wide, realizing he said too much. “Nothing. No one.”

“Is that why you never sleep?”

“I do. Just when he’s busy.”

“Your dad?”

It had been a guess because Chuuya didn’t know anyone else, but Dazai’s reaction was enough. Sure, it was extremely minute, but the tiny flinch was enough.

“So? Isn’t everyone scared of their dad? Even just a little bit?”

"YOU FUCKING BITCH"

The sound of shattering glass.

Blood dripped down his cheek to the floor.

“Yeah, I guess,” said Chuuya, clearing his throat. He yanked at a long strand of his hair before fixing himself.

Dazai glanced down, fiddling with his bandages. Dark bags stood out under his eyes.

“I’ll protect you,” blurted Chuuya. Dazai laughed. Chuuya opened his mouth to yell before realizing Dazai was probably right to laugh.

“You don’t stand a chance against him. How could you protect me?”

“Well, I don’t doubt that but If I am awake then if he comes in, I’ll wake you up. You don’t have to worry about him sneaking up on you.”

Dazai actually seemed to be considering it.

“Okay. But what do you get out of it?”

“Nothing,” said Chuuya. “I just get to help my friend.”

Dazai stared at him, breaking Chuuya apart with his eyes. For once Chuuya didn’t really care. He had nothing to hide.

“Okay,” said Dazai finally.

“Come into the vault so I can still work.”

For once Dazai didn’t argue. Every single damn thing they did Dazai always had an argument to make, even when it was over some stupid shit. Chuuya sat back down next to his pile of files. Dazai curled up in the corner, pulling his coat tighter around himself, like a kid clutching a blanket.

“Here,” said Chuuya, balling up his sweatshirt. “Use this as a pillow.” Dazai lifted his head slightly and Chuuya slipped the ratty green thing under his head. It was so unlike all the pristine jet black clothes Dazai normally wore.

Surprisingly Dazai actually fell asleep. His breathing slowed and he curled up tighter. Chuuya smiled softly going through his second to last major pile.

Another hour after Dazai fell asleep, there was a knock at the door. Chuuya jumped up and turned to check on Dazai. The brunette hadn’t stirred. The sound of footsteps made Chuuya realize someone had to handle their guests.

“Sir we are here for-” The old man who had entered the room paused, seeing Chuuya behind the desk instead of Dazai. “Ah my apologies. Where is the boss?”

“He’s busy,” said Chuuya, voice cold and emotionless. He almost laughed at how cool it sounded but that would have ruined the effect. “What do you need?”

“I’m not sure I should tell you”, said the man. “All due respect.”

“What’s taking so long Gramps?” Tachihara stepped in to see Chuuya. “Oh, hey what’s up?”

“Dazai is busy, so I am managing things. If you need something I will let him know when he returns.”

“It’s fine Gramps,” said Tachihara. “Chuuya is a good one.” The old man nodded, still looking off. He sighed and muttered something about young kids these days.

“I have some latest mission reports and I need approval for another raid,” said the man.

“What’s your name?” asked Chuuya.

“Hirotsu.”

“Thank you, Hirotsu.” Chuuya stepped forward and grabbed the papers, overlooking them. “I’ll make sure he gets these.”

Hirotsu gave a short bow and left. Chuuya returned to the desk. He set the approval form down and took the new mission reports back to the vault.

Dazai was thankfully still asleep. He was clutching Chuuya’s sweatshirt against his chest. Chuuya shifted Dazai’s coat up, so it was better covering the brunette.

Chuuya turned and a hand gripped his wrist. A small gasp came from Chuuya’s throat. He looked down to see Dazai holding his hand in a vice grip. He was still asleep even as Chuuya tried to pry his arm away. Chuuya gave up and sat down next to Dazai.

“Even clingy in your sleep huh?” asked Chuuya softly.

Dazai shifted until he was practically sprawled out on Chuuya’s lap. Chuuya ran a gentle hand through Dazai’s hair and to his surprise Dazai actually whimpered slightly. The small sound broke Chuuya’s heart. Dazai pressed up further onto Chuuya’s hand and he began to run his nails gently through the sleeping boy’s hair and over his scalp.

Dazai could not seem to get enough. He nuzzled in closer to Chuuya, lips parting ever so slightly.

“You're so cute you know?” asked Chuuya. Dazai was asleep so what was the harm? “When you're not so annoying. I wish I could actually protect you. Because you're right. I can’t keep you safe from him. Hell, I can barely stand on my own. But if you need anything I would do it for you.” Chuuya laughed quietly. “Kouyou always said I trust too easily. That people earn my loyalty so fast. I can’t help it though. I know I can’t help you, but I really want to.”

Chuuya stayed awake and tried not to move too much. Even when the clock struck two, he didn’t have the heart to wake Dazai. So, he continued to sit and run a hand through the snoring man’s hair. It was oddly fulfilling. Normally Chuuya always had to be doing something. Working, doing school, helping with dinner, driving the kids places. But now for some reason the anxiety didn’t creep up his throat.

It was nearly four o’clock when Dazai woke up. He groaned and rolled onto his back, blinking sleep out of his eyes. His single brown eye stared half lidded up at Chuuya.

“Good evening sleepy head,” said Chuuya gently.

“Why didn’t you wake me sooner?” asked Dazai. “Your shift ended a while ago, didn’t it?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t want to. You looked like you needed some sleep,” said Chuuya. “Besides, I'm mostly caught up with school. I would have woken you before the kids got home.”

“Right.” Dazai sounded almost… disappointed. Still, he didn’t move for a long moment. He finally sat up and looked at Chuuya. The bandages around his eye were loose so Dazai reached to fix them up.

“Did you sleep well?” asked Chuuya, feeling awkward.

“Honestly Chuuya? The best I have slept in a while. Thank you. I can pay-”

“And I’ll stop you right there,” interrupted Chuuya. “I did that as a friend. Not because I need more money. You are paying me more than enough and this was off the clock. Because I’m your friend and I wanted you to sleep well got it?”

Dazai paused before nodding. He smiled.

“You still amaze me, Chibi.”

“Enough with the stupid nickname!” snapped Chuuya, feeling red blush creep into his cheeks. “I got to go. I hope that Tachihara can still drive me.”

“Have a good evening, Chibi,” said Dazai with a little wave.

Chuuya flipped him off before rushing to get home.

*******

Dazai swore to himself he would never admit he had been woken up by Hirotsu entering the office.

He wouldn’t admit to Chuuya that he had reached out to see how Chuuya would react. He wouldn’t admit that he felt so unworthy of earning Chuuya’s loyalty. He wouldn’t admit how nice it felt to fall asleep on Chuuya’s lap.

Because he didn’t want to hurt Chuuya.

He would kill anyone who would dare to lay a finger on the only person who had made Dazai feel safe, safe enough to even sleep soundly, for the first time in as long as he could remember.

Chapter Text

“Chuuuuuuuuyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaaaa.” Chuuya stared longingly at his last big tub of paperwork.

“Soon,” he promised. “Soon.”

“Chibi!”

Chuuya whirled around. He found that if you ignore Dazai he gets ten times more annoying.

“What is it now?” he demanded. Dazai held out his gaming console.

“I can’t beat this level.”

“Bullshit,” snapped Chuuya. Dazai was too smart and cunning to be beaten by a video game, unless he was too tired or wanted to lose. Chuuya was sure he had played every video game known to mankind given that is all he did most says.

“Fine, fine but I want to see you try,” admitted Dazai.

“So, you can make fun of me?” Chuuya snorted. “Not a chance motherfucker.”

“Pleaseeeeeeeeee. As a favor?”

Chuuya groaned at the reminder of their contract. He snatched the controller from Dazai and hit play. He messed with the controls for a minute trying to figure out the goal. It was a puzzle of sorts. The character had to cross this big pit using an ability that made them fly in a straight line until they hit an obstacle.

He died a few times and Chuuya bit his lip in concentration. The rest of the world sort of faded out as he felt himself drawing closer to the goal. He didn’t even realize Dazai was sitting next to him until the brunette whispered in his ear.

“Use the momentum from the launcher.”

Chuuya nearly went through the roof. His character jumped into the abyss and the death sign popped up again.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me,” Chuuya snapped. He punched Dazai in the shoulder. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

“Giving you advice,” said Dazai, rocking back and forth.

“Well then, I’m not exactly beating the level then, am I? If you tell me the answers?”

“Well, I mean,” Dazai shrugged. “I haven’t beaten this level before even if I think I know how to do it. I’ll tell you what I think the best way to do it is and you will try to do it. This is how teamwork works, right?”

Chuuya looked at him skeptically before turning back to the game. He restarted and tried what Dazai had suggested. After a couple of failed attempts, he got it, launching the little character through the exit.

Dazai smiled and wrapped his arm around Chuuya, shaking him.

“Good job Chibikko!” he said brightly. Chuuya couldn’t help but smile.

“Y-yeah.” He walked into the next level with a brand new puzzle.

Slowly but surely Dazai directed him through the game.

It was interesting to say the least.

The game itself was about the story of a girl who was trying to climb the “Celeste Mountain”. Throughout the game you learn that her only reason to start the challenge was to prove her mother that she was really able to. The whole time she kept meeting weird people and was being chased by a mirror version of herself. To make it even stranger she started to collected strawberries along the way. The storyline of the game was a lot sadder than what it looked like in the beginning.

They both paused at one level. It was a cutscene. The character was talking to another climber about depression. She described her experience with it as being at the bottom of the ocean. It is so dark, and you feel trapped but at the same time it is so open, and you are entirely vulnerable to whatever lurked in the darkest parts of the world. With no place to hide or escape that gruesome loneliness.

When they were reading through it Dazai wrapped his arms and legs around Chuuya, clinging to him like a koala bear. When Chuuya didn’t push him away he clung tighter. Chuuya leaned his head against the brunette and could swear something wet dripped on his shoulder.

They continued playing without speaking about it.

The final boss fight was against the girl's inner demon who had been trying to kill the small being throughout the whole game. Dazai started talking louder and faster and Chuuya ran down the mountain trying not to die.

Every time they had to restart Dazai would sigh and groan. One time he actually let out a stream of curse words that almost made even Chuuya blush. After the most recent failure, Chuuya groaned and fell back, forgetting Dazai was there. They ended up sprawled out together on the floor of the vault.

“You are so heavy,” groaned Dazai. Chuuya rolled off but Dazai rolled on top of him.

“You are one to talk,” groaned Chuuya. Dazai wrapped Chuuya up in his arms, thankfully shifting him off a little. “You are so clingy today you know?”

“Yeah,” said Dazai, “Do you mind?” His voice was so soft. Not like the “joking” or “ordering people around” type. He sounded sleepy.

“Not at all,” said Chuuya. And he was surprised that he really didn’t. Dazai was really warm. Chuuya normally hated this sort of contact. The only time he was ever this close to a person was probably hugging Kyouka every now and then. Kouyou had been so open with physical affection so when she died the one source of touch just vanished for Chuuya.
Until Dazai showed up.

They laid like that for a good minute, the game playing soft music in the background. Chuuya hadn’t gotten much sleep last night. He had tried to go to bed earlier to try to start getting more sleep, but he was just staring at the wall trapped in his mind with no second of sleep for six hours.

Now in this dim vault, with a big clingy Dazai, he felt safe. For the first time in a while, he felt protected.

Chuuya turned around in Dazai’s arms until his head was tucked under Dazai’s chin. He was probably just tired and imagining things, but they seemed to fit together so perfectly like puzzle pieces.

He breathed in deep, taking in a breath of Dazai’s scent. Chuuya wanted to be the person that could be like “ah yes apple with a hint of cinnamon and a dash of birch from a hundred year old forest” but he couldn’t. All Dazai smelled like was the scattered paper underneath them.

Chuuya pulled back to look Dazai in the eye. Dazai looked down at him, eye half-lidded and sleepy.

“What is it, Chibi?'' he asked. Chuuya didn’t respond, just analyzed Dazai’s face in this moment of vulnerability. It was just like when Dazai was sleeping on top of him a little while ago. He could feel his eyes dipping to the brunette's lips. He snapped back up to Dazai’s revealed eye and found it pinned on Chuuya’s lips as well.

Was this going to happen? Were they about to kiss? Did he really want to? Was he imagining this?

That little anxiety demon popped back up and curled up in his gut, making Chuuya’s heart thump painfully. Why was he like this?

Dazai leaned in imperceptibly. So slight Chuuya was sure he was really imagining it. Dazai’s lips parted slightly and Chuuya felt himself leaning in.

A shrill sound cut through the room.

Chuuya’s reaction was to jump back but Dazai’s was the opposite. Dazai clutched Chuuya closer. The shrill sound went on for a bit before stopping. Then it started again. Chuuya took one arm out from around Dazai and pulled out his phone. He meant to just silence it, but the caller ID was from his siblings school.

Dazai saw it and immediately pulled away. Chuuya sat up, heart racing for a completely different reason now. He sucked in a breath and hit the pickup button.

“Hello? Nakahara Chuuya speaking,” he said, wincing at his father’s name. He doubted Nakahara would ever taste good in his mouth.

“Hello sir. I am here to contact you about-” started Ms. Alcott, the principal.

“What has he done now?” said Chuuya. Ryu had probably gotten into a fight again. If he did that again he would be expelled and Chuuya would be fucked. No matter how many jobs he took he would never be safe from the cloud of terror sitting above him. If anything was constant it was the fear, the terror.

Dazai slid up to Chuuya and put a hand on his leg. Chuuya didn’t look at him. He didn’t want to see the softness in Dazai’s eye. That pity and gentleness wouldn’t save him.

“No, it is not Ryunosuke,” said Ms. Alcott. “Um... two men showed up and one of them claimed to be your brother. Do you know a Paul Verlaine?”

Chapter Text

Chuuya was sure he was going to die before he even made it to the school.
After Ms. Alcott’s prompt request and hanging up, Chuuya slowly stood up. He picked up his coat and hat, putting them both on. Then he ever so calmly turned to Dazai and asked to borrow a car.

Dazai had seemed almost unnerved at Chuuya’s reaction. He said that Tachihara was out on a mission but he could take a company car as long as Dazai accompanied him. Chuuya thanked him before hastily walking out of the building.

The brunette could not get a read on Chuuya for the longest time. He didn’t seem angry or excited but he was definitely covering up something. When Chuuya started driving Dazai realized which one it was.

Chuuya could drive legally. Kouyou had paid for him to have driving lessons and to get his license when he was of age.

The red-headed maniac took great pleasure in going 20 miles over the speed limit and cutting off everyone in traffic. His hands were strangling the steering wheel and even Dazai was clutching the arm rest. He was only thankful that any cop that saw them, recognized the mafia car and just let them go.

They pulled into the parking lot and Chuuya took up three spots before slamming the door open and shut again.

And Dazai didn’t say a word.

Chuuya knew where the principal's office was (given that Ry ended up there quite often) and he walked over. He slowed down to look through the glass. A part of him was hoping there had been a mistake but as soon as he saw the white hair, whatever Chuuya had been feeling before was nothing compared to his anger now.

The door opened with a bang and Ms. Alcott jumped in her seat. Ryu and Gin were seated in two chairs. Across from then was Verlaine and his fucking boyfriend. Chuuya thought that rat would be gone by now.

“You have a lot of fucking nerve stepping into my brother’s school,” snapped Chuuya. Verlaine flinched at the word ‘brother’ just as Chuuya wanted him too.

“Chuuya I know we have had some problems in the past-”

“Problems?” Chuuya practically growled. “That is a lovely way to put it.” Verlaine stared at him like he was assessing a wild animal. He didn’t respond for a long while. “Well??” shouted Chuuya. “I don’t have all fucking day. I have a job you know! I’ve had one since I was 14. Remember why?”

“Ok well I’ll cut to the chase then,” cut in Verlaine, anxiously. He watched Chuuya’s reaction closely. “Dad is dead. The funeral was three days ago.”

A laugh bubbled out of Chuuya’s throat.

“Well ding dong the witch is dead!”

“Chuuya,” snapped Verlaine, now sounding more like his older brother. “I know you felt strongly about him but you shouldn’t disre-”

“Don’t you fucking talk to me about respect especially regarding that douche who never should have been a father in the first place! He figured if he adopted a perfect 8 year old European orphan he could care for a child. Tell me did he actually love you or was he just able to put up with you like he never was with me?”

“Okay okay,” said Verlaine, spreading his hands complacently. “That is not the important part. I was approached after the funeral by someone who offered to move us here. And so much happened in the past I just….” He rubbed the back of his neck, a tick Chuuya had also developed, much to his distaste. “It felt like a sign to reconnect.”

Chuuya started to walk over to him and Verlaine swallowed a breath. The redhead reared back and punched him square in the nose. Rimbaud, his stupid boyfriend, immediately reacted but Verlaine put up a hand.

Chuuya squatted low, putting his hands on his thighs, so he could stare Verlaine dead in the eye.

“If you are looking for a sign here it is,” he said, dead quiet. “I don’t care that the old witch died. There is no future for me with you in it. And if you don’t like that then you better get cracking on a time machine because there is nothing to makeup for what you did.”

“Chuuya,” said Verlaine but Chuuya held up a hand.

“No. No, let me tell you a story, okay? Ready?” Chuuya pointed at Gin who startled. She smoothed over her terrified expression. “One day maybe four years ago she came home from school and went to go talk to her mother. She told her mom about how she kissed some girl she liked. She was close to tears just because she knew a story about a certain someone who hadn’t been treated very fair for being gay. She was so terrified and still just wanted to be completely honest with her mother. Not that either of us would understand that.”

“And you know what her mom did?” Chuuya paused but Verlaine had gone completely still. Apparently Chuuya being calm was scarier than him being angry.

“Kouyou hugged her and smiled. She launched into long stories about this time in high school when she had a relationship with this beautiful girl for three years and how amazing it was. There were no consequences, she smiled and laughed and had a good time after coming out to her mom.

I’d also like to point out that her brother knew about this girl long before their mom did. But did he tell on her? No. He waited for Gin to do it by herself because he was a good supportive brother who didn’t feel the need to be better at everything all the time.”

“Chuuya I know what I did was wrong,” attempted Verlaine. “I was stupid and petty but I really want to put that behind us.”

“WELL I DON’T” shrieked Chuuya, straightening so fast Verlaine jerked back. Chuuya could feel his entire face go red as it all came tumbling out. “YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY? BECAUSE WHAT YOU DID ‘WRONG’ SHAPED MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MARCH IN HERE NOW CLAIMING YOU CHANGED. THAT ISN’T SPECIAL OR DIFFERENT. EVERYONE CHANGES ALL THE TIME. I HAVE CHANGED SO MANY TIMES OVER THE YEARS JUST TO FUCKING EAT. I HAVE BEEN THROUGH HELL AND BACK TO EVEN BE STANDING HERE IN FRONT OF YOU.”

Chuuya wanted to know what Dazai was thinking. The boy shouldn’t even be here given that he was just Chuuya’s boss. For some reason Chuuya cared deeply about what Dazai must think of him at this moment, screaming and shouting with a red face, tears running down his cheeks. Chuuya didn’t want Dazai to think of him like this mess he was at the moment but he just couldn’t seem to stop his emotions.

“AND IF YOU ARE GLAD TO SEE ME THEN YOU SHOULD BE THANKING KOUYOU BECAUSE WITHOUT HER I WOULD BE DEAD IN A DITCH ON THE STREET OR SELLING MY FUCKING BODY OR SOME OTHER UNSPEAKABLE SHIT. YOUR STUPID LAST DITCH EFFORT TO BE MOMMY AND DADDYS FAVORITE ALMOST KILLED ME. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?”

At this point Verlaine should have stood up and left like a dog with his tail between his legs. But he was always so stupid.

“I know and I am so glad you found her. She sounds like an amazing person and I am really glad that she kept you alive. I would like to thank Kouyou-”

“DON’T-” screamed Chuuya. He lunged for Verlaine but arms wrapped around his waist holding him back. “DON’T YOU DARE SAY HER NAME. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO EVEN SPEAK HER NAME.”

Verlaine and Rimbaud stood and backed up. Chuuya knew he was being improper and ruining his dignity but he didn’t care. His whole world fell apart so many times and it was all Verlaine’s fault.

Chuuya slipped out of Dazai’s grip(or rather Dazai let him go) and he punched Verlaine in the face again, so hard this time it snapped.

Then four things happened in rapid succession.

Verlaine fell into Alcotts desk, blood gushing down his face, the woman screamed.

Ryu dragged Gin out of the room.

Rimbaud stepped forward and punched Chuuya hard in the throat.

Chuuya choked and fell back into Dazai.

Then everyone froze as a gun clicked. Dazai aimed his gun at Rimbaud's forehead. No one even dared to breathe.

“I suggest you both go,” said Dazai. His voice was cold and harsh, full on Demon Prodigy. Even Chuuya got chills and he didn’t even have the gun aimed at his head. “Now.”

Rimbaud grabbed Verlaine and dragged him out of the room. Dazai holstered his gun. Chuuya stumbled away, legs shaking. His head was fuzzy. The world blacked for a second and when it came back, Dazai was holding him, hand at the small of his back and the other brushing fingers over Chuuya’s neck.

“Are you okay?” he breathed. Chuuya didn’t know how he did it. His voice, which had been so cold and deadly a moment previous, was now gentle and soothing. His eyes were running over Chuuya’s body every few seconds as if to make sure Chuuya was still there, still okay.

“Yeah,” said Chuuya, voice raspy. He coughed once. “Yeah of course. I can take a punch.”

“And other than the punch?”

Chuuya wanted to know what he meant but it dawned on him that he knew. Was he mentally okay? The red-head scoffed. Was he ever okay? What he wouldn’t give to be back in the vault with Dazai, wrapped in his arms. He had felt so safe and protected, like the giant storm cloud couldn’t hurt him. No one could hurt him.

Not his dead parents.

Not his landlord.

Not his previous bosses.

Not Kouyou.

Not Ryu.

Not Gin.

Not Kyouka.

Not his stupid stupid older brother.

Because in those moments Dazai didn’t need anything except for Chuuya to just be there. All Chuuya needed to do was be himself. No expectations.

Chuuya wanted to collapse into Dazai’s arms and beg him to just stay but he couldn’t. Ms. Alcott was still staring at them, shocked. Dazai seemed to be following his thought process as he turned towards her.

“I am very sorry ma’am. Please do not take this out on your students. I promise it will not happen again and you will be compensated. Please just don’t speak of this matter to anyone.” Dazai paused for a moment. “If you do not know, I am Mori Osamu.”

Even the most steeled educator wouldn’t go up against that. You would have to be incredibly stupid to mess with the name Mori. Ms. Alcott nodded and muttered something before waving them out.

Dazai pulled Chuuya out of the office and into the parking lot. Chuuya should have stopped to talk with Gin and Ryu who were still sitting outside but his thoughts were too muddled.

His brunette hero opened the car door and eased Chuuya in. He tried to move away but Chuuya wouldn’t let go of his sleeve. Chuuya didn’t even know why he was so affected. This had gone down nearly six years ago. Why was he still so weak?

For the longest time Chuuya pretended Verlaine was dead. He spent years imagining scenarios. He had been killed in a car crash. He had been enlisted and died in war. He had stood up for Chuuya and got a bullet between his eyes, courtesy of dear old dad. But of course that was too much to ask. Too much to ask that he just be left alone.

“Chuuya,” said Dazai in that soft voice.

And that did it.

Tears streamed down Chuuya’s face and his breaths wouldn’t come. Dazai slipped into the car, pulling Chuuya onto his lap and shutting the door. He rocked Chuuya as he cried.

And the tears wouldn’t stop. They just kept coming and coming and Chuuya was sure they would never stop. This empty hole in him could never be filled no matter what he tried. His family would always hate him. His dad went to his grave disappointed in him. He was never going to be enough and he would always be that stupid 14 year old kid abandoned in the dirt because no one wanted him.

Dazai rocked him gently, murmuring sweet nothings. He cradled Chuuya like he was made of glass and might break at any moment. Even if he was breaking now. Chuuya was so weak and pathetic. Crying all the time and unable to just lock up his emotions like Dazai did. If only he didn’t feel everything around him this would be easier.

Chuuya didn’t even realize what Dazai was saying, too lost in his own thoughts.

“It’s going to be okay,” he whispered. “You're safe now and you will be safe again. Just focus on breathing. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you. You are safe.”

It only made Chuuya sob harder. This couldn’t be real? Dazai was probably just some fantasy Chuuya had made up to cope with his life. No one cared about how he felt, no one loved him like that. Not anymore.

But Chuuya clung to him tighter, a headache building behind his eyes.

And soon the seemingly endless tears slowed. Chuuya gasped for breath as he went limp against Dazai. And Dazai didn’t let him slip and fall. He held him like the most precious thing on earth.

After a moment Dazai spoke up again.

“What do you need?” Not, are you okay? Or will you be alright? Just what do you need me to do for you. How can I help you?

“‘Want to go home,” said Chuuya, sounding like a six year old. Dazai nodded and slipped out from under Chuuya. The sudden loss of warmth made the tears start again, slower and quieter this time. Dazai leaned the seat back and draped his coat over Chuuya. He rounded the car and got in.

A hand slipped into Chuuya’s as they pulled out of the parking lot. Dazai rubbed a thumb against Chuuya’s hand the whole time they drove.

The car ride seemed to take no time at all, and soon Dazai was carrying Chuuya into the elevator and into his apartment. Chuuya didn’t care that he was picking locks. He only cared about how Dazai took off Chuuya’s shoes and coat and set them by the door. He carried Chuuya to his bedroom and set him down, tucking the blankets up to his chin.

The brunette vanished for a moment before returning with water and Advil. Chuuya took it thankfully before snuggling down. Dazai took his hat and set it on the nightstand.

“That was his,” said Chuuya, startling Dazai. “That hat was his. He gave it to me before everything happened. I still wear it now because it is a promise. A promise that I will never be a coward like him. I will stand up for myself and those I love, especially when they need me.”

“That is very noble, chibi. You are so incredibly brave.” Dazai looked at him adoringly for a moment longer before backing away.

“Please stay,” blurted Chuuya. “Please don’t go.”

Dazai stalled and stepped forward.

“Does Chibi want me to stand here shadowing him all night?” asked Dazai in a playful tone.

“No do the thing,” murmured Chuuya. “Like we did this morning.”

Dazai nodded. He ditched his outer layers until he was just in his dress shirt and slacks. He crawled into bed next to Chuuya, wrapping him up like before.

And just like that all the problems seemed to melt away and Chuuya felt like now he could finally relax and sleep. The world could stay locked outside forever for all he cared. He was safe right now.

Chapter Text

Chuuya woke up alone.

He first realized this when a shiver raced up his spine. Dazai was no longer there holding him, keeping him warm, protecting him. But that was fine. He had done more than enough to help Chuuya last night. Chuuya shouldn’t feel insulted that a mafia boss had decided to return to work instead of staying here with him. The lack of a goodbye didn’t bother him either. Nothing should bother him anymore.

The house was unusually quiet. The kids should have been home by now, but no sound could be heard. Chuuya’s heart began to pound as he searched for his phone.

Has something happened to them? Where were they? Did Dazai take them? Are they dead? Why wouldn’t they tell him where they were going?

Chuuya’s worst fears were confirmed when he found his phone abandoned in a coat pocket. Dozens of messages from Ryu and Gin.

Chuuya, something is wrong.

What is happening?

Chuuya, I need you

We are in trouble, Chuuya come help! 

Where are you, we need you!

Are you coming to help?

Why aren’t you here for us?

Please we don’t want to die like mom. 

Chuuya’s throat closed up as he threw the phone across the room. It shattered, screen popping off. Those messages had stopped an hour ago while he was asleep. He should have been there. He should have been awake to save them from whatever unspeakable horror had come to steal them away. Why wasn’t he awake? Because his stupid brother was teasing him? He let Kouyou’s kids, his siblings, die because of what? Some old bastard from his past? Why was he like this? Such a fucking failure who couldn’t do one simple thing right? He got distracted by Dazai with his sweet smiles and his jokes that he let his siblings down.

Wiping tears from his face, Chuuya stored to the bathroom and started tearing drawers open. 

How could he let this happen? He knew every time something good supposedly came his way, it took everything away from him. Getting distracted like this always gets someone hurt. And now his siblings are probably dead.

Dead.

Gone.

Forever.

Chuuya’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking as he found the bottle of morphine. Kouyou always had suspicious medical supplies on hand, supplies people couldn’t get except when prescribed. 

Chuuya remembered taking morphine one time. He had been in a car accident and needed stitches, but no one could calm him down. So, they gave him morphine, and everything just vanished. Did his problems disappear? Did they suddenly have solutions? Were they overshadowed by bigger problems? Chuuya could not remember. All he knew was that in that moment everything was better.

So, he tied the elastic band and jabbed at his arm, trying to find a vein. This would make it better he was sure of it. 

The liquid hit his veins and Chuuya felt it. That strange beautiful calm. He was right, this did make everything better. 

He dosed again, not wanting the feeling to fade for even a second. Then again. And again. And again, until the bottle was empty, and rolling out of his hand. Chuuya fell over on his side feeling more ecstatic than he had ever been in his life.

Realistically, Chuuya knew he shouldn’t have used that much but he couldn’t give a fuck. Maybe now he would die. Dying meant that he would see them all again.

Would they see him though? Maybe they would yell at him for letting them down. Beat him over the head with a bottle yelling terrible terrible things. 

That unpleasant feeling started squirming back, this time with voices.

You’re a fucking queer?

You disappointment.

What did we do to deserve a son like you?

We raised you right and this is how you repay us?

Worthless 

What is wrong with you?

Why aren’t you better?

Why can’t you be like your brother?

Stop crying you pathetic waste of space.

Chuuya pressed hands to his head and started slamming it on the bathroom floor. Why couldn’t he just die already? Why couldn’t the drugs kill him and make the voices stop? Did he really deserve this?

Chuuya needed to get out. 

He needed to get away from all of this.

From the bodies piling up around him.

From the shame.

The guilt.

The disappointment. 

What did we do to deserve you?

A strangled cry made its way out of Chuuya’s throat, begging someone, anyone, to make it stop.

Just Make. It. Stop.

*******

“Chuuya! Chuuya wake up!” 

A warm hand was shaking him. Chuuya woke up with a jolt and sat up. Dazai climbed in bed, in front of him and took Chuuya’s hands gently.

“Chuuya calm down, breathe,” said Dazai, soothingly. “It was just a nightmare it is over now.”

But his breathing wouldn’t slow. Tears streamed down Chuuya’s face as his breaths came shorter and shorter.

“... they… dead?” asked Chuuya, trying to make words.

“Are who dead?” asked Dazai. 

“Ryu a-a-and Gin an-and Ky-kyouka!” shouted Chuuya. “Where-”

“Chuuya listen to me.” Dazai’s grip on his hands tightened. “They are fine. Ryunosuke and Gin and Kyouka are fine. They are in the kitchen right now. Do you want to see them?”

Chuuya weighed his options. He needed to know if they were alive but what if they saw him like this? They would think he is a..a 

Failure.

“Is he okay?” Ryu’s voice came startling clear from the other room. There was a dull thud. “Ouch!”

“You probably woke him up stupid!” Gin’s voice was louder than Chuuya was used to and the giggle that followed must be Kyouka. 

The tight ball of anxiety loosened slightly. They were here. They were okay.

Dazai looked at him, as if waiting for permission. Chuuya shook his head. They were okay and he would see them once he stopped crying like a baby for the second time today. 

“Yeah, you woke him up!” called back Dazai. “We will be out in a minute! Set the table!”

Dazai turned back to Chuuya, brown eye concerned. 

“I guess I don’t have to ask what the nightmare was about then?” said Dazai. Chuuya shook his head, practically strangling Dazai’s hands. “Chuu, can I hug you?” Chuuya nodded and Dazai instantly gathered Chuuya up in his arms.

That was what he was missing in his dream. This warm security he had only found in two other places. With Ryu after one of their talks and with Kouyou. 

“It’s going to be okay Chuuya,” murmured Dazai, stroking Chuuya’s hair.

“Where did you go?” asked Chuuya. “You said you would stay.”

“The kids got home. We all decided that we shouldn’t wake you. I had Tachihara bring over some groceries and we made dinner for when you woke up. I was going to come back once it was done and simmering on his stove. But I heard you thrashing around…”

Chuuya clutched Dazai’s shirt in his fists, tears running down his face.

“Thank you, thank you, you didn’t have to, I could have managed.”

“I know but you don’t have to anymore,” said Dazai. “That’s what friends do right? Help each other out?”

Chuuya couldn’t respond. He waited a good minute.

“You must think I am such a wimp,” said Chuuya, trying to smile. “After today?”

“No.” said Dazai, almost viciously. Chuuya tensed and Dazai ran another hand through his hair. “Sorry I didn’t mean to say it like that. It’s just… I think I put it together. You like guys, right?”

His blood ran cold.

This was it. He would lose another person he cared about over his fucking sexuality.

“Not that that is a bad thing. I like guys too. Well and girls too. But mostly guys. So, if you do, I'm not going to judge, like other people might have.” Dazai let out a breath. “Did your parents kick you out for being gay?” 

“How’d you work that out genius?” asked Chuuya dully. He’d outright said it to Verlaine earlier today. Had that conversation really happened just this morning?

“Bits and pieces I’ve picked up. Plus, you talk in your sleep so that helps. And your brother's boyfriend really seemed to piss you off so… I know this also has something to do with him but I’m not sure…”

“Do you want the full story?” asked Chuuya. He wouldn’t tell it to anyone ever again. But maybe for Dazai.

“Please. If you are willing.”

Chuuya sighed and pressed his face farther into Dazai’s chest.

“I was young and stupid and realizing girls weren’t my thing. To test that theory, I kissed a girl, and I didn’t like it. Then I kissed a guy, and I did like it. Problem was my parents are homophobes. But I didn’t think they would find out.” Chuuya paused and Dazai pressed a gentle kiss to the top of his head. Sparks flickered in Chuuya’s chest, but he didn’t think much of it. Somehow it just felt right. 

“My brother found out. Someone must’ve told him. Well one night a few weeks later when I was sure I had gotten away with it my parents were praising me. I can’t remember what it was about, but my brother got jealous. He always had to have all the attention and love. So, he started threatening to tell them. I freaked and I knew the truth was going to get out eventually, but I wanted it to be on my terms. So, I came out and after that….”

Chuuya could still hear the echo of the bottle smashing over his head and his dad grabbing his gun from the kitchen. The yelling and the shouting and how if he didn’t get out, they would kill him. 

“They kicked me out. I spent one week wandering around homeless trying to find someone who would employ a 14 year old. A couple people took pity, and I worked on small stupid disgusting tasks no one else wanted to do, trying to stockpile enough to get an apartment at least. Realistically I was just scraping by enough to get food. I was so scared I was going to die. That I would get hurt and then starve to death in some ditch. Or some idiot would try to mug and kill me because I was fucking small and weak. 

"And then Kouyou found me. Well actually Gin found me passed out in some alleyway while they were out. Kouyou brought me back to her house and I lived there. While I was there, I was so terrified that she would get rid of me when I wasn’t useful, so I did all the chores around the house. I kept working trying to get better jobs when I turned 15. I left every single penny on the counter for her. 

"At one point she asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was paying her back and… and… I remember how she just looked at me and said ‘Darling you don’t have to worry about paying me back. You are family now and family helps each other out. “Chuuya blinked back tears, swallowing thickly. “The week after that she got me enrolled back in school. She thought I didn’t go because I didn’t want to, and I would rather work. When she learned the truth, she set me up with all these tutors to catch me up and eventually got me all set up for college. And then she died…” Chuuya’s throat clogged up again, and he tried to swallow.

“And that is why I don’t think you are a wimp for crying Chuuya,” said Dazai. “You have been through a lot, and you have stuck through a lot. It’s okay to cry. Even everyday if you need to. Whatever you need to get through this and keep on fighting.”

Chuuya nodded. For the first time in a long time, he felt like he wasn’t fighting alone. Just like when Kouyou had told him he was family.

Dazai stood up and offered Chuuya a hand. 

“Want to go get some food?” he asked, warmly. 

Chuuya nodded. The red-head brushed his tears away and took it as they walked into the dining room together. 

Chapter Text

Ryu, Gin, and Kyouka were working like a well oiled machine together. Ryu was watching the stove and setting out dishes next to the pots full of various noodles and broth, while Kyouka laid out the napkins and Gin put silverware on the table. 

The girl stopped when Chuuya entered and she started to expectantly 

look in his eyes. 

“Are you alright?’ she asked, brows drawn in concern. “You haven’t slept that long in a while. “

“Yeah I’m okay,” he said. Gin paused, considering her next move, before hugging him. Chuuya wrapped his arms around her, feeling so much better now that he knew she was here, safe and sound. The nightmare still echoed in his mind but he pushed it away, relishing the feeling of having her in his arms. 

“I want a hug too!” shouted Kyouka. She ran, barreling into Chuuya’s side. He laughed and wrapped an arm around her as well. 

“I swear to god if you don’t get over here I will cut all of your hair off!”

Gin snapped at her brother. 

There was a sigh and Ryu stepped up to join them. Chuuya found himself sandwiched between his siblings, feeling happier than he had in a while. 

They broke apart after a while, Chuuya and Kyouka smiling. Gin looked happy, even if she rarely smiled and Ryu looked somewhere stuck between happy and annoyed. 

“Alright let's eat,” said Chuuya, walking into the kitchen. Dazai stepped forward having been uncharacteristically quiet these past few minutes.

“It’s possibly the only dish I know how to make. It's like a soup over rice thing. It's weird. I hope you like it,” he said softly. 

“I made the broth!” said Kyouka brightly. Totally amazed by her own skills.

“I helped her and made sure she didn’t hurt herself,” assured Dazai. “Gin cut up all of the vegetables.”

“I tried to help,” said Ryu half-heartedly. His gaze was downturned. Chuuya rubbed his shoulder gently. 

“I get it Ryu,” said Chuuya softly. Ryu nodded, glancing down. He got frustrated way too easily. (Chuuya had to convince Ryu’s math teacher that they had a particularly vicious dog that liked to eat math books, similar to all these typical American movies). When the boy gave up it meant he cared too much and didn’t want to fuck it up. 

Chuuya turned back to the food and started heaping it into a bowl. He noticed that he didn’t have anything to eat all day which wasn’t all that unusual, but still not a welcome feeling.

They sat down around the table and for a while the only sound was chewing and the clinking of bowls and silverware. Chuuya found himself really enjoying a meal for the first time in what felt like forever since the passing of his sister.

He was always forcing himself to eat so he didn’t collapse. Now he was able to sit back and enjoy all the plain flavors. There was just enough for it to be tasty but it wasn’t overwhelming. It was an amazing comfort food. 

“So… Do you like it?” asked Dazai gently. Chuuya looked up to see them all staring at him anxious for his approval. 

“Yeah,” said Chuuya. “I love it. A lot. Thank you so much for doing this.” 

“You're welcome!” said Kyouka brightly. Dazai smiled softly. 

“Where did you find the recipe?” asked Chuuya. 

“Odasaku used to make it for me,” said Dazai, staring into his bowl. “He made it whenever I got sick.”

Chuuya reached out and put his hand on Dazai’s. This had to be the first time Dazai had mentioned Odasaku in passing. Maybe he was finally coping with the man’s death? 

“Really. Thank you.”

They ate a few more minutes. When they were all done Ryu went around and collected all the dishes, loading them in the dishwasher. Chuuya got up to clean up too, but Gin shoved him back down. She put the leftover food away and helped Ryu with the rest. Chuuya just watched them, feeling kind of useless, just sitting there.

“Can we have a  movie night?” asked Kyouka. “With popcorn?”

“We just ate,” said Chuuya.

“I know. We wouldn’t eat it right now,” she reassured. “But you know later. After we watch a few episodes of-”

“Absolutely not,” snapped Gin. “We watched it yesterday.”

“But it is really good,” whined Kyouka. “and we are almost to episode 12.”

“What show are you talking about?” inquired Dazai.

“It’s just a show we have been watching together,” explained Chuuya. “I think it is pretty good. It’s based off a book series-”

“That is so much better than the show,” interrupted Gin. “I think the thing is a monstrosity.”

“Until Isabelle comes on screen,” giggled Kyouka. Gin went red in the face stammering out an excuse before finally agreeing.

Chuuya stood before plopping down on the couch and flicking the tv on. Ryu started the dishwasher before joining Gin on the other couch. 

“Where do you think you are going?” demanded Kyouka. Chuuya looked up to see Dazai at the door, Kyouka pressed against the exit, blocking his way out. 

“Well I should be getting home,” explained Dazai. 

“No you have to stay,” scolded Kyouka. “You can’t just eat and leave, that is bad manners.” Chuuya wanted to see his expression so badly. The thought of the Demon Prodigy being chewed out by a nine-year-old made Chuuya smile. 

“You don’t have to,” piped up Chuuya, and Dazai turned to him. “We won’t keep you captive but if you want too…” Dazai’s expression was conflicted for a moment before he smiled.

“Maybe just one episode,” Dazai relented. “I want to know more about this favorite show of yours.”

Kyouka nodded approvingly before walking to sit down next to Gin. Dazai walked over and realized the only seat left was next to Chuuya. 

“You can sit,” said Chuuya with a smile. “I don’t bite.”

Dazai took a seat next to him, acting rather stiff. Which was strange because they did sleep together earlier.

Well not sleep sleep

Obviously.

They just slept next to each other.

Which is a completely friend thing to do.

Like all of the gentle forehead kisses. 

…

Riiiiiiiiight.

Chuuya turned the show on, saving himself from these weird thoughts. The red-head found himself commenting, as he usually did, on what the characters were doing. He couldn’t help voicing his opinions about the characters poor choices. Most people hated watching movies with him for just this reason. To be fair, even Ryu had something to say when the proposal was made. 

“FUCKING WHAT?” shouted Chuuya, at the screen. 

“THAT IS NOT WHAT HE TOLD YOU TO DO!!!” roared Ryu. 

“How does that even fix anything?” added Gin. 

“It does  nothing,” filled in Kyouka. “Marrying her won’t fix anything.”

“I am so confused,” whispered Dazai, in Chuuya’s ear. Chuuya smirked at him.

“The great Dazai can’t figure out the plotline of a tv show?”

Dazai glared at him. 

“Fine fine,” relented Chuuya. “See so what happens is he is in love with that other guy-”

“Which guy?”

“The warlock. But his parents are bitches so he thinks this is the only way to win back favor.”

Dazai’s brows drew together. 

“What is the point of this? Who wins?”

“There doesn’t have to be a point stupid,” said Chuuya. “The main plot is killing demons. But no one gives a shit about all that. We are only here for the subplots.”

“Subplots?”

“Those two getting together. The vampire kid. Her relationship with the fairies. Not all of it has to contribute to the greater purpose.”

Dazai nodded slowly but Chuuya knew he still didn’t get it. 

Still he continued to watch, slowly getting more and more interested in what was going on. It started to rain outside and Chuuya pulled a blanket off the back of the couch. He tucked it around the two of them, and scooted in a little closer to Dazai. The brunette's arm came up to rest around Chuuya’s shoulders so the red-head could lean on his chest. 

They continued to watch until one episode turned to two then three then it was almost 11 o’clock. Dazai checked his watch and started.

“Shit I should have left a while ago.”

“But you can’t leave now,” said Ryu, plainly. Chuuya stared at him. “It is storming outside. It is unsafe to drive in such weather at this time of night.” 

“I think I can trust my driver,” Dazai deadpanned.

“Still is it fair to wake someone up this late?” quipped Gin. Chuuya threw them both a glance but they ignored him. 

“Besides, if you go out you will get all wet,” added Kyouka. “And we want you to stay.”

Dazai blinked, once then twice. Chuuya wondered how many times he had been told he was wanted. 

“Alright,” he said, somewhat shakily. 

“You should be heading to bed though,” he said, staring at Kyouka. “It was very irresponsible for me to let you stay up this late.”

Kyouka huffed but walked off, knowing she wouldn’t win this argument. Gin and Ryu got up soon after and Chuuya followed them to their rooms to say goodnight. 

“Why did you guys do that?” he asked the twins, while they put things in order for school tomorrow.

“Because you looked so happy,” they said in union. 

“What do you mean?” demanded Chuuya, bewildered. 

“We mean,” started Gin. “That you haven’t looked that relaxed since mom died. Even when you pass out on the couch you look like all your muscles are seizing up.”

“Plus you wanted him to stay but didn’t have the guts to say so,” said Ryu with a shrug. 

Chuuya wanted to argue but… they were right. He wanted Dazai to stay. Still he wasn’t about to thank them for dragging Dazai into their mess of a family. No one should suffer through that.

He bid them goodnight before going back to the living room. When he came back Dazai hadn’t moved. 

“So,” said Chuuya sheepishly. 

“I really shouldn’t stay,” insisted Dazai. “My father is not going to be happy.”

“It’s just one night,” said Chuuya. “What is he going to do?”

“Do you really want me to answer that?” asked Dazai, darkly.

He almost forgot. This was not some parent, worrying about their child staying out too late. This was Mori Ougai, head of the entire Port Corporation. He didn’t get his position out of smiles and fun. It would be easier to ask what he wouldn’t do to Dazai for insubordination.

“You’re absolutely right,” said Chuuya. He picked up his phone and clicked on Tachihara. “I’m so sorry I have kept you this long. I don’t want to put you in danger over my silly problems. Thank you for everything you have done but you are right, you really should be going.”

Chuuya dialed Tachihara and put the phone to his ear. Dazai took it from him and hung up.

“Hey-”

“It’s alright Chuuya,” he said calmly. “I don’t want you apologizing to me. For anything. I had a lot of fun tonight. Really.”

“I know but he is Mori and that’s-”

Dazai took Chuuya’s hand and the red-head looked up at him. Dazai’s face was so serene and beautiful. He was so calm and collected, completely unruffled even after this monster of a day.

“My only concern right now is you.”

Chuuya’s heart skipped a beat. 

“I don’t need you getting hurt for my mistakes but I also don’t want to leave you here alone in case you have another nightmare,” he explained, while starting to rub circles on the back of Chuuya’s palm. 

“It’s fine,” insisted the man. “I have them all the time.”

Unfortunately that did the opposite of calming Dazai down. 

“What do you mean?’

“I have them all the time,” said Chuuya. “Exactly what I said. Is that uncommon?”

“Have they always been that bad?” hissed Dazai, face almost angry.

“N-no?” stammered Chuuya. “That was one of the worst ones. Why?”

Dazai caught himself. Slowly his expression morphed back into something calm and emotionless. It was almost scary to watch the mask slip back into place

“No reason, just curious,” he said loftily. “Would you mind me heading home?”

“Of course not,” said Chuuya. “Besides I’ll see you tomorrow anyway.” Dazai’s brow raised.

“Is chibi coming to enjoy my company? To miss me when I’m away?” The red-head wanted so back to smack that shit eating grin off his face. That didn’t stop the red blush from coating his face.

“N-no I’m just saying.” snapped Chuuya. “It’s not like we will never see eachother again so there is no need for you to become a huge drama queen over it.”                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     

“Surrrreeee” cooed Dazai. 

He sent a quick message to someone and grabbed his coat. Chuuya unlocked the door and held it open for him. Dazai stood right at the threshold. His hand twitched, as if reaching for Chuuya, but he didn’t. Or maybe Chuuya was imagining things.

“Safe travels,” said Chuuya, trying to keep his voice even and not betray the army of emotions trapped in his chest.

“Yeah.”

“We have to do this again sometime.”

Dazai stared at him for a moment, face in its impenetrable mask.

“I don’t know about that,” the brunette said blankly. 

“Why not?” spluttered Chuuya. “Was it because they were acting weird toward the end? Are you annoyed about my constant comen-”

“Chuuya calm down,” said Dazai, the ghost of a smile on his lips. “I have nothing against you, I'm just saying it might not be the best idea.”

“Why? Did I do something wrong? If so I’m so-”

“No of course not,” snapped Dazai. Chuuya froze mid apology. It occurred to him that he never apologized for anything. Unless it was the only way to keep his job he wouldn’t apologize or beg anyone for anything. So the fact that he was doing it for Dazai was ridiculous. 

But here he was, apology interrupted by Dazai’s harsh tone. A tone he had never used with Chuuya before. With his subordinates maybe but never with Chuuya.

“You have done nothing wrong,” insisted Dazai. “I don’t want you to apologize to me for any reason ever.”

“Why not?” asked Chuuya. “All I do is mess things up. Honestly it's a miracle I still have a job.”

“Chuuya you have to know that if you ever need money you just have to ask.” Dazai reached out and took his hand. “If I have even a cent to my name you will always have a cent to yours.”

Chuuya’s heart beat mercilessly in his chest as he stared into those deep brown eyes. Dazai, who had probably told a million lies in his life, was being dead serious.

“Why?” asked Chuuya meekly. 

Dazai’s gaze dropped to the floor and he pulled his hand back. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered, before vanishing out the door. 

*******

That night Chuuya did not get much sleep at all. Thoughts of the Dazai’s declaration and then him vanishing like a ghost. Dazai’s dad. Chuuya’s brother. All these thoughts waltzed across his mind keeping awake.

What he didn’t know was that several miles away, Dazai was lying awake in his bed, in that dark room, thinking of all the advice Oda had ever given him and all the thoughts that went unsaid.

I want to know how many nightmares I wasn’t there to help you through.

I would do anything for you

Because…

Because I’m in love with you  

Chapter Text

He needs to go

*******

Chuuya couldn’t help but worry the next morning. As soon as he woke up he was sure he ruined everything. What must Dazai think of him now? After that entire shit show yesterday he didn’t get a chance to worry before he passed out in bed. 

But this whole thing was probably just his anxiety talking. 

Or was it.

The first sign that Chuuya got was he didnt wake up to any text messages. 

It could be because Dazai had finally slept through the night so he couldn’t text Chuuya at ungodly hours of the morning. But the odds of that being the case were slim to none.

Chuuya texted good morning but there was still no response. He tried not to worry too much. He was probably just busy with something. Chuuya mentally berated himself. He was starting to sound like an obsessed teenager wondering why their crush wasn’t responding. But it was reasonable to worry, right? After yesterday Dazai might want out. 

Out of what Chuuya? The hellstorm of a family you got going on? Out of a clingy dependent secretary? Murmured the voice in his head

Shut up, snapped Chuuya.

The morning progressed fairly normally. Ryu was a zombie as he was most mornings, Gin was diligently making sure they were all ready, and Kyouka was talking about this or that. But something still felt off, like boss music was playing but he couldn’t see the threat yet.

It’s just your anxiety, calm down, Chuuya thought. 

Or is it?

Tachihara showed up just like normal with no special messages from Dazai. So everything was going to be fine. Still he couldn’t settle the bundle of nerves in his chest.

The red-head made the familiar ride up the giant Port Corporation elevator. He was in there with the boy he met his first working day, Atsushi. The kid still sort of creeped him out.

Shouldn't he? He is from the Mafia. Which is where you work if you've forgotten. 

Course I didn't forget. 

Then you need to grow thicker skin.

Chuuya shook himself. Things had been going fine. There is no real reason to worry. 

The doors to the elevator opened and Chuuya stepped out. He pushed open the large double doors to Dazai’s office and his blood ran cold.

Dazai was sitting at his desk, hands steepled, waiting for him. 

“I am here to inform you that your contract has been fulfilled. You are released from this organization,” deadpanned Dazai. 

“What?”

Dazai gave him a dirty look. 

His single brown eye was staring at Chuuya but it felt like Dazai was staring through him. Like he just wanted this to be over. Just another box Dazai had to check off of his list.

“I thought that was reasonably self-explanatory. I have gathered all the information I need and now you are no longer of any use to me. You're fired.”

“Y-your being serious right now?” stammered Chuuya. 

“Yes,” groaned Dazai.

“And this entire time you were just working on a mafia case?”

“Yes. What did you expect? That the Demon Prodigy really needed a secretary? You are dumber than you look,” snapped Dazai, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes like Chuuya was a headache he desperately needed to get rid of. 

He should have just hit Chuuya with a truck. At least then the red-head might have been able to comprehend what happened. He should have immediately been thinking about what he did wrong and where this was coming from but he wasn’t, at least not yet. Instead all he could think about was last night.

“My only concern right now is you.”

 “If I have even a cent to my name you will always have a cent to yours.”

Liar. 

Liar liar liar. 

That’s all this was, a ploy for the Demon Prodigy to get his information. Chuuya should have known that from the start. Maybe if he had been smarter he wouldn’t feel so… wounded. 

Dazai betrayed his trust. Dazai used him. Dazai lied. All of it was a lie. The moment on the ferris wheel, in Dazai’s room, all of yesterday. 

Part of Chuuya thought that maybe the explanation was also a lie. That Dazai just needed a viable excuse to get away from him after seeing how truly broken Chuuya was. But that was just wishful thinking because that means Dazai might have been honest with him before he found out how fucked up Chuuya was.

Chuuya guessed it didn’t matter anymore. All he knew was that he was fired and it was all a lie. 

This is why he could never relax. This is why he had to constantly be on his guard. Because as soon as something good comes along it is wretched from his grip. This is why the feeling of fear and doom would never go away. Because sometimes he was right. 

There was nothing to be done now though. If he had been better maybe he wouldn’t be in this position. But now here he was and he needed to figure out what his next move was. Never dwell on the past then it might catch you and never let you go. Keep moving forward.

“Great,” said Chuuya, taking a step back. “Glad I could help with your fucked up mind games.” Years upon years of just ‘shaking it off’ kept his voice from wavering. That and Chuuya wasn’t sure if he fully comprehended what just happened. 

He spun on his heels and left. 

Dazai didn’t even try to stop him. And maybe that hurt. 

Chuuya didn’t care what information Dazai had been gathering. He vaguely remembered his conversation with Tachihara about Dazai’s “mission.” He didn’t care. He just needed to worry about protecting his family. Chuuya’s part in this scheme was over so he was done. He had enough on his plate as is. 

He wasn’t even angry at this point. He should have seen this coming. Especially given that Dazai was the Demon Prodigy. Chuuya was thrown off when the Demon Prodigy was so nice and friendly. He should have questioned it more and prepared for when he was tossed aside, void of use.

Chuuya scrolled through his phone. He needed to find another job. Another job, another job, another job, another job. The thought just kept repeating itself over and over. The wires weren’t connecting in his brain. Was he in shock? Was he just an idiot? He needed to focus. Job, job, job. 

Some part of him thought this was wrong. That is was just an elaborate prank. This couldn’t be happening. But it was. He was dealing with the Mafia Demon prodigy. Why wouldn’t this be happening?

He got all the way to the bus stop a few blocks from the Port Mafia building before it hit him. Chuuya sank against the bus stop bench clamping a hand to his mouth. Passerbys stared at him so Chuuya tried to school his expression. Even as tears dripped down his cheeks.

He had no right to be upset. He was the one who got his hopes up. After yesterday he really thought he had a friend, someone who was going to stick by him. This was the mafia for god sake. He was stupid, he was naive and he needed to stop feeling sorry for himself and figure out where he was going to get money. 

But his thoughts wouldn’t focus on that. Instead they kept repeating the same questions over and over. 

When was he going to stop losing people? When was he going to stop being alone?

*******

Dazai was so sick of this. As soon as Chuuya was gone he slumped over his desk, like a puppet whose strings had been cut. Why did they all have to go? At least Chuuya had gotten out with his life. Unlike…

The door opened and Dazai jerked up, for some reason expecting Chuuya. His mood immediately crashed when he saw who it really was.

Mori stepped forward smiling.

“Chuuya just left,” he remarked. “Is he coming back?”

“No,” muttered Dazai, bringing his head back to the desk. Chuuya wouldn’t come back. He was too smart to go back to the monster who hurt him. “Are you happy now?”

“As long as you don’t vanish tonight,” said Mori. “Because I know where they all live.”

“I’m not leaving Mori,” said Dazai dully. Mori really sucked at veiled threats. 

“Don’t worry,” said Mori, rubbing gentle circles on Dazai’s back. It was probably supposed to be comforting but it just made Dazai want to rip his skin off. “You made the right choice. You were only going to hurt that poor family.”

“Like you care,” growled Dazai. The hand on his back left. It buried itself in his hair and wrenched his head back, tearing at his scalp painfully. Dazai bit back a shout. It would only encourage him. 

“I am being lenient with you. Do not disrespect me.” Dazai stared at the door, still open. There was another yank at his hair. “Answer me,”

“Yes sir,” said Dazai dully. 

Mori let go, letting Dazai's head hit the desk. Boots clicked on the tiled floor leaving Dazai alone. 

As soon as the door shut the thoughts started. The thoughts he had been free from for a couple hours a day for the past few weeks. When Chuuya was there with him there was someone to talk to. Someone else to listen to besides the demons in his head. 

Monster

You were never meant to be around people anyway.

In what twisted world would you deserve friends?

Deserve relief?

You just end up hurting them all.

Better to cut your losses now then end up killing another one. 

Demon

Sadist

Killer 

Dazai pulled the knife from his desk. He unwound the bandages from his arm and put the knife to the exposed skin. 

Monster

The voices would leave with his blood. 

Chapter Text

Chuuya got home two hours later.

He missed his bus, zoned out to realize that he needed to get on it. So, feet dragging, he walked back to his apartment. The apartment that Dazai had seen for the first and last time yesterday.

This was why he never got close to people.

They all left and then everything would remind Chuuya of them. It had taken him a while to be able to set foot in the apartment without crying after Kouyou died. That was the home she provided and when she wasn’t there it was like a chess game without a board. Everyone thought that maybe it could work but it was a poor rendition and everything got so messy so fast and it took everyone so long to realize that all the chaos stemmed from the board leaving.

And he had known Dazai for what? 2 weeks? 3? He shouldn’t have gotten this attached.

Chuuya didn’t bother to climb the stairs to the apartment, just sat in one of the chairs in the lobby, scrolling through his phone. His computer would be more helpful to do the job search but he didn’t think he had the strength to get all the way to his apartment.

“Hello.”

Chuuya jerked, realizing he zoned out. The old lady who lived on their floor was smiling down at him.

“Oh hi,” he said, giving a half smile.

“What are you doing hanging out down here?” she asked gently.

“Uh, just doing some stuff. Got distracted and sat down here,” he said sheepishly. She nodded at him.

“Do you think you could help me with my groceries? I was going to take multiple trips but if you could help…?”

“Yes of course,” said Chuuya, springing to his feet. He had a task now, a very accomplishable task.

She led him back to her car in the parking lot. Chuuya loaded his arms up with her bags and walked with her back to the elevator. He asked her about her day and what she did and how her wife was.

The women responded in earnest, seeming happy with his questions. The chat reminded Chuuya that life went on for everyone else, it always did. He couldn’t sit in the lobby on a couch forever.

Once Chuuya bid her farewell he returned to his own house. He needed to move on and continue moving forward. So he wrote up an entire five page essay, edited it, and submitted it to his teacher before the kids got home. He hadn’t even realized the three hours had passed.

Then the kids got home. Chuuya assisted Ryu with making dinner, following his instructions to the T. The food was finished, table set, and everyone sat down to eat.

“So how was work today?” asked Kyouka while they ate. The twins looked up at him and Chuuya realized, the last they had seen of Dazai they were cuddling on the couch. They didn’t know that Dazai was a liar and an asshole who used Chuuya to gain information on whatever fucked up case he was working on.

“Actually that isn’t going to work out,” said Chuuya, trying to keep his voice light and conversational.

“Wait, aren't you two dating?” asked Ryu bluntly.

“Wh-what?” asked Chuuya, going red in the face. Gin glared at her brother.

“Was I not supposed to say anything?” stammered Ryu. “I thought it was obvious!”

“No, we are not dating and I am not working for the mafia anymore,” said Chuuya. “We can’t date because I won’t see him again.”

“Why not?” demanded Gin. Chuuya recoiled slightly at her reaction.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on Chuuya really?’ she said, exasperated. “What did you do? Did you go off on him and he fired you?”

“Excuse me???”

“Oh come on we all know you have a temper.”

“I DO NOT!!!!”

“Point proven,” she said, sitting back in her chair. “So why did he fire you?”

“I did not get fired!” lied Chuuya. There was no way he was going into that now. He had almost numbed it out of his system. No way in hell was he explaining he got used by the Demon Prodigy. Ryu would tell him he should have anticipated it and Gin will just look disappointed.

“Really?”

“I quit.”

“Why on earth would you do that?” asked Gin like he was the stupidest man alive. Which maybe he was?

“Because it just wasn’t working. Besides I thought you guys didn’t want me to work for the mafia?”

“Well yeah at the start,” said Ryu.

“But then you were happy!” finished Gin. “So it doesn’t matter if you run the mafia your damn self!”

“What do you mean I was happy?” spluttered Chuuya. “What does that matter?”

“Of course it matters Chuuya! You are our brother, we care about your wellbeing! When you worked for Dazai you almost stopped worrying. You slept at night. It was awesome,” said Gin. “You didn’t look so tired. We felt less guilty for putting so much strain on you.”

Oh.

Well…

Chuuuya never considered it from that angle.

He supposed he was happier under Dazai. More time for schoolwork and doing what he wanted to. Plus work didn’t feel as draining, not with Dazai around. It was like helping a friend.

A friend who stabbed him in the back.

“Yeah well it didn’t work,” snapped Chuuya, focusing back on his food.

“Why not Chuuya? Why don’t you try to make it work? You can’t go back to bef-”

Chuuya stood, slamming his palms on the table.“I know my limits!” shouted Chuuya. “And trust me! Good things don’t last forever. “

Nothing lasts forever. There is nothing reliable in life.

Tears pricked Chuuya’s eyes.

“I need some air,” he muttered, walking past them all and out the front door.

*******

Once he started walking he couldn’t stop, to the point he ended up two miles from home. He crumpled against a wall and closed his eyes. Why the hell did Dazai affect him like this? They knew each other for a month at max. This shouldn’t matter.

But here he was, an idiot dreaming. That’s all he ever did. He dreamed of getting out of his dad’s house and traveling the world, meeting someone, falling in love, settling down and getting an amazing literature job so he could study poetry and write his own. Then he met Kouyou and dreamed that she would accept him for who he was and that he could be part of a loving family. Then he dreamed that Dazai could be his savior and get him a friend and a relief from stress, two things he desperately needed. But then at the end of the day all of that went sideways.

Chuuya sighed and let his head fall against his knees.

He could really use a cigarette.

Chapter Text

Fast forward one endless week.

Chuuya had once heard the phrase “today is one of those days stuck between yesterday and tomorrow” and that feels like that the entire week.

Chuuya eventually went home from his walk and they didn’t discuss his outburst. They didn’t really talk at all that week. The tension was so thick in the house for a while and Chuuya was too tired to do anything about it. He spent most of his time getting ahead in school and applying for jobs. Running number, calculations on hours and pay and all that. Chuuya became a literature major and not any sort of math major for a reason but it felt like that was all he was doing. He just felt empty.

It was fine though. Soon those perfect few weeks would just seem like a dream and it would go back to how things were before. Scraping by just praying for it to end.

/But what happens when it’s all over and you're still not happy? What's the point in trying when you can never escape?/

Whenever Chuuya started thinking like that he would go to bed. It was too much to be thinking like that. There had to be a point to this.

“Have you eaten today?”

Chuuya jerked up from the assignment he was working on to stare at Ryu. She stood in the doorway, staring at him.

“Probably,” said Chuuya, turning back to his work. There was a beat of silence.

“Could you try to work it out with him?” asked Ryu.

“No,” snapped Chuuya. His pride could never handle it. Being fooled into thinking someone cared. That any of it meant anything to Dazai.

“Are you sure? You guys really seemed to-”

“Well people aren’t what they seem, Ryu,” said Chuuya with a wave. “Never take people at face value. That’s my advice for you.”

He shut his mouth and stared at him. After a minute Chuuya huffed and spoke again.

“Are you just going to stand there all night?”

“Well I don’t know what to do!” he shouted. Chuuya whirled to face him as he glared down at Chuuya. “I get it Chuuya your older and all that and Mom left you in charge but come on. You are only human. I am not going to sit back and watch you keep doing this to yourself. None of us want this. Kouyou wouldn’t have wanted this. I can’t walk away from this now and let you wither away to nothing!”

Chuuya stared for a moment as Ryu glared back, eyes wet.

“I c-can’t watch you die too.”

Chuuya’s hands stalled their constant fidgeting.

“You're really scared that will happen?” asked Chuuya, quietly. It sounded so stupid He couldn’t die from this. He could handle it.

“You don’t eat enough a day, you wither away and die. You stress too much, your body fails, you die. The stress becomes too much and you don’t see a point and you kill yourself and die. Yes I’m terrified that that is where you are going Chuuya. I don’t care how slim the chance is.” Ryu had this sort of furious pained look on his face. Like Chuuya was hurting him but Ryu was determined to fix him. “Maybe if people cared a little more about the living there wouldn’t be so many dead. If something happens to you I will never forgive myself for not interfering. So I will while I still can.”

Chuuya was stunned silent, which, believe it or not, has never happened before.

“Ryu I-” he tried, not knowing where that statement was going.

“No, you don’t have to say anything. Just please, try to work it out with Dazai. That’s the only way I see out of this.”

Ryu turned to leave. Chuuya bolted up and grabbed his wrist, feeling Ryu’s pulse under his fingers. Ryu was asking him to swallow his pride and go beg the Demon Prodigy for a job in the mafia. Dazai would laugh at him more than he already was. But if it made Ryu feel better.

“Okay.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” said Chuuya, trying to swallow back the automatic disgust. “Yup but just this once. Never again.”

He pushed by the raven-haired boy and grabbed his hoodie. He paused at the door, Gin and Kyouka staring at him.

“I’m going out. I should be back in like an hour or two tops. I am looking into a job opportunity. We all good?”

“Yeah,” said Gin, sort of taken aback. Chuuya realized that is the most he has said all week and instantly feels awful. It’s okay, he could make it up to her, to all of them. Once he did Ryu this favor.

“It’s okay, I’ll be back,” he said.

*******

Chuuya found his way behind the Port Mafia building, where all the cars were stored. Big rich cars, discrete normal cars, limousines, anything and everything you could think of. There was a door there but he didn’t approach it. He wasn’t stupid enough to think that he could just walk in through the front door. Maybe he could find Tachihara and he could get him an audience with Dazai.

Then Dazai would probably refuse to see him. And even if he miraculously ran into Tachihara was that all a lie too? Tachihara wasn’t really a friend.

The red-head stalled in the parking lot, debating his options. What was he even doing behind the most dangerous building in the world?

That’s when one of the back doors banged open. Chuuya stumbled back, falling on his hands.

“- so desperate then go run back into his arms! If he even wants the fucking Demon Prodigy!”

The door slammed shut and Chuuya peaked around the car. On the floor was a heap of dark stained cloth. Then the cloth stirred and sat up, head tilted to the sky. The person began to laugh in a deranged sort of way, mixed with choking sobs.

Chuuya stepped out trying to get a better look at the person. He was ten feet away when he realized it was Dazai and the stains were blood.

His bandages and shirt were soaked in blood. Tears left tracks in the blood on his face. The bandages around his eye had been unraveled. Dazai turned two brown eyes to stare at Chuuya.

With surprising speed Dazai stood and tried to lunge for Chuuya. He stumbled and Chuuya launched forward just fast enough to catch him.

“Chuuya!” said Dazai, voice bright and sluggish like he was drunk. Or lost too much blood. “You came back!” he shouted gleefully before passing out in Chuuya’s arms.

Chapter Text

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!”

“Will you stop yelling at me please?” asked Chuuya, pulling the phone from his ear. 

As soon as Chuuya had finished panicking and shaking Dazai, he called an ambulance. They had showed up, bombarded Chuuya with questions about what happened(Probably not actually bombarded him, it just felt like it) and Chuuya didn’t have any answers for them. 

Now Dazai was hooked up to four different machines and being tended to by nurses. Chuuya was told to sit outside so he called Ryu.

“Please put Gin on the phone,” said Chuuya. 

“I swear Chuuya you better explain what is happening right this second.”

“Ok ok!” relented Chuuya. “Just put me on speaker for your sisters. I am not explaining this twice.”

“Ok done.”

“Gin?”

“Yes? You owe us all an explanation.”

The entire story came tumbling out. What he learned from Tachihara about Dazai’s mission. How he thought that Dazai was just buying friends. Walking into Dazai’s office and being fired. All of it. 

But he just couldn’t tell them about all the moments they’d shared, nothing specific at least. It was just too personal. And Chuuya didn’t even know if any of it meant something.

“Wow,” said Gin. 

“And then I walked back to the mafia headquarters and he came stumbling out covered in blood and now I am at the hospital. I don’t know when I’ll be home, I'm sorry.”

“It’s okay. We are on our way.”

“ Excuse me??? Ryu you can’t drive!”

“No but Tachihara can.”

Chuuya sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I really need to change my phone password.”

“Yup. Be there in 10.”

Then Ryu hung up. Chuuya let out a breath, slipping his phone back into his pocket. One of the nurses stepped out of the hospital room.

“Uh he’s awake,” he said. “You can go in to visit him.”

Chuuya nodded and stepped in. Dazai was propped up slightly, bandages wrapped up and down his arms. The brunette turned to look at Chuuya. 

“Aww chibi really is a loyal dog,” he said weakly. 

Chuuya really really wanted to be mad at him. That was the easiest emotion for him and it should be easy seeing that Dazai lied to him so much. But he just couldn’t, not when Dazai looked like that. The brunette's hair was ruffled and messy, cheeks sallow. The bags under his eyes were darker and more prominent now. Not to mention the bandages that wound up his arms covering deep slash marks.

“No none of that shit,” snapped Chuuya, sitting down next to him. “You owe me one hell of an explanation.”

“About what?” he asked, with that same deranged smile.

“This you absolute menace!” shouted Chuuya, gesturing at the mangled mess of his arms. Dazai glanced down. 

“Oh this is nothing,” he said, pulling the thin hospital sheets closer. 

“This is not nothing!” Chuuya reached out and gripped Dazai’s wrist. “You come stumbling out of the Port Mafia building with someone yelling after you, covered in blood and you passed out in my arms! How does that count as nothing???”

Chuuya did not mention the fact that the few times he got a look at the source of the blood, it was… disturbing. Rows upon rows or parallel hash marks up and down his arms oozing blood. It wasn’t an accident and that’s all Chuuya would say for sure. 

“Why would you trust any word that would come out of my mouth now?” asked Dazai, staring at Chuuya’s hand. “Why would you even bring me to hospital?”

“Because I-” Care about you? You're my friend? But he wasn’t not really. “I don’t know.” His hands twisted together in his lap, trying to get the anxious energy out. 

“Well you shouldn’t have Chuuya. You should have left me there to bleed out.”  Dazai tried to reach up to yank at his hair but he winced and lowered it again.

“Even if I hated you I would never just leave you there!”

“So you don’t hate me?”

“Yes! No… Maybe. I don’t know.” Chuuya groaned. “This is not about that. Who was chasing you out of the mafia? What was that about? Were they who hurt you?”

“No Chuuya I did this to myself.”

“What?” Chuuya froze.

“Have you ever heard of self harm chibi? You really are innocent.”

“No of course I know but…” Chuuya swallowed. “I guess I never…. I just didn’t. “ I never wanted you to be one of those people. Just like I would never want Ryu or Gin or Kyouka to feel like that. 

“Never met anyone who did?”

“No. I just want to know why,” said Chuuya. 

“A chemical imbalance in my brain. That’s all Chuuya. A million different people have told me about how it’s ‘dangerous’ and ‘psychotic’ to have brain chemicals like this.”

“Then who kicked out while you were bleeding out?” You’d think that your first reaction if you found someone like that would be to call an ambulance. 

“You're not the only one with daddy issues, Chuuya.”

Dazai fiddled with the bedsheets some more. Chuuya ran his thumb along the back of Dazai’s hand. 

“Your dad?”

“Yeah he gets pissed when I try to leave. Killing myself included.”

Chuuya paused for a moment, trying to take it all in. What was he supposed to say to all that? Like “Well your dad always seemed like an asshole” didn’t seem to cut it. 

“Okay so then what exactly happened?” asked Chuuya. He drew his hands back and rubbed at his temples.  He really dug himself into a mess now didn’t he? “How could all of this happen? I mean look at you…” Dazaj flinched as he trailed off. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just how could you hurt yourself so much?” 

The thought of putting a knife to his skin terrified Chuuya. He couldn’t afford to be anywhere other than the top of his game so he couldn’t hurt himself. Besides, didn't that all hurt like hell? How could Dazai not only stand it but keep going?

“It’s harder to stop than it is to start.”

“And why did you start?”

“Because I was alone, Chuuya and I told I don’t do well with that!” shouted Dazai, eyes wet.  The heart monitor spiked and the nurse came in.

“Sir if you are going to stress him you will have to leave,” he told Chuuya firmly. 

“Don’t go,” pleaded Dazai. “Please don’t go Chuuya.”

“Alright alright I won’t stress him out. Just take a breath Dazai,” said Chuuya, taking the brunette hand again. “If you were so concerned with being alone then why didn’t you let the charade go on a little longer.”

“It wasn’t a charade I swear. The only charade was in saying it was one. I was never gathering information.”

“Then why-” Chuuya started. When would this man stop confusing him?

“Because I’m a liar Chuuya,” wailed Dazai, raking hands fervently through his hair. The tears started to fall. “Nothing more than a stupid liar and I was going to get you hurt and if I hadn’t done it then Mori would have made me and I’m so sick of jumping when he pulls the strings and I just can’t take it anymore-”

“Hey stop,” said Chuuya, leaning forward so he could brush the tears on Dazai’s face. “It’s okay. I promise. You're good, I’m good, it's all fine. I’m still here.”

Dazai looked at him, eyes red. He nodded and squeezed Chuuya’s hand. 

“You look like you need a hug,” said Chuuya. “Do you want a hug?” Dazai hesitated a moment too long before nodding shakily. 

Chuuya shifted so he could pull Dazai forward and wrap his arms around him. Dazai practically melted against him, choking out sobs. Chuuya just responded by hugging him tighter, like he could squeeze all of Dazai’s broken pieces back together. 

“See I told you it’s okay,” murmured Chuuya comfortingly. “I got you, you little asshole. Can’t force me away that easy.”

“He is going to kill you,” said Dazai. “And your siblings. Will you let that happen?”

“No,” said Chuuya. “But I can’t let him hurt you either. So stop trying to push me away. It will just lead to a mess like this. Capiche?”

Dazai nodded against Chuuya’s chest and hugged him tighter. 

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. They both jumped and turned to see Gin, Ryu, Kyouka, and Tachihara. 

“What are you all doing here?” demanded Dazai, turning to stare at Chuuya like he had the answer. He pulled away only enough to look at Chuuya so he was still resting in Chuuya’s arms. 

“I need to change my phone password,” said Chuuya, like that helped explain. 

“Chuuya runs around doing stupid things and we like participating,” said Ryu calmly. 

“Hey boss,” said Tachihara, stepping forward somewhat awkwardly. “Should you be with Mori getting fixed?”

“No,” said Chuuya harshly. “Mori caused this and I don’t trust him to fix it.”

“What he said,” said Dazai. Tachihara nodded. “But if you could go gather my father’s insurance information that would be great.” Tachihara gave a short bow and left. Dazai slumped completely back against Chuuya, going boneless. 

“Okay so are you too cool or not cool or what?” asked Gin. “because I am so sick and tired of this back and forth shit.”

“Don’t worry I am too,” said Chuuya. “But I think we have come really far and decided not to act irrationally in a way that doesnt give the other a say or a choice in anything.” Dazai nodded along. “So it’s okay now.”

“Ok so then where are we at?” asked Ryu. “No offense but the past few months have been a train wreck and I'm confused.”

“Dazai is a little shit who is trying to push people away but he’s done now and I’m going to get my job back and everyone will be okay, deal?”

“Works for me,” said Dazai, light voice strained. 

“Alright can you guys go outside for a minute? Make sure Tachihara isn’t dead and check in with the nurses?” asked Chuuya. He fished some cash out of his pocket. “And if you would like to go home here is some bus money.” 

Gin pocketed it and led the others out. As soon as they were gone Dazai let out a slow breath.

“People?” asked Chuuya.

“People,” said Dazai. They sat in silence for a minute. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“Course,” said Chuuya.

“No, I'm serious, this is a big deal,” said Dazai. “When I get rid of someone they leave and never come back except for you.”

“Come on man, we both know I’m a stubborn bitch and would never just walk away from a fight.”

“This is a fight?”

Chuuya scoffed and nodded. “Course. You and me versus you and your dad.”

“Sounds like a losing battle,” muttered Dazai.

“I’m sure it is,” said Chuuya. “But every fight is worth it if you have enough on the line.”

Chapter Text

Dazai was in the hospital for another few days so they could make sure all his vitals were good. They asked some more questions about how he acquired such injuries and suggested he be put under 72 hour psych hold but Chuuya (Read: Mori’s name) convinced them to not.

When he was released Chuuya took Dazai back to his apartment. Even if he was healed mostly physically there was no way Chuuya was sending him back to the fucked up place he called home. No matter how much Dazai said he was fine, Chuuya couldn’t do it in good conscience.

“Maybe you should just hang out here for a little while,” said Chuuya, dumping the medical bag on the seat of the couch.

“I can head back to the base, it's cool,” said Dazai.

“We both know that I am not going to let that happen,” commented Chuuya. “Just chill here for a little bit then we can go back to work.” He flinched, not meaning to bring that up so soon after everything. It felt really selfish but he had to ask. “Can you hire me again? I can do more than what I was doing before but I really don’t want to have to find another job. If you could it would be a really big help but if you can’t I completely understand.”

Dazai stared at him like he lost his damn mind.

“What do you mean will I hire you again?”

Too soon. Fuck Chuuya was so bad at timing this stuff. But he wouldn’t relax until it was dealt with. And he thought he had a shot. Dazai would have to go back to the mafia at some point and maybe he would let Chuuya help.

“Course I’ll hire you again stupid chibi. The real question was if you would come back or not.” Chuuya blinked. “The mafia is a hundred percent more dangerous than you could imagine and I know I’m not the… easiest person to deal with. Especially after I hurt you.”

“You must be fucking stupid if you think I am going to just leave you alone in that place,” snapped Chuuya, aggressively pushing Dazai onto the couch and throwing a blanket over him. “You really have lost your damn mind.”

Dazai didn’t respond, just watched him flit around a moment longer before going to start dinner. The kids helped out and the four of them actually worked as a pretty good team. Dazai sort of zoned out watching them, getting lost in the fuzz of his mind.

After what seemed like two minutes Chuuya was holding out a plate.

“Hmm?” asked Dazai, blinking his way back to reality.

“You should eat. Get your strength up y’know? You lost a lot of blood.”

“You don’t have to convince me,” said Dazai, accepting it. “You making it is enough.”

They paused a moment before Chuuya sat down next to Dazai on the couch with his food.

“Wait so, are you two dating again?” asked Ryu. Gin kicked him. The kids had taken their spot on the other couch.

“Nope, just friends,” insisted Chuuya.

He would never be able to handle any sort of romantic relationship. There is so much about himself he needs to fix before even considering it.

Dazai puckered his lips in a dramatic sad face and Chuuya nudged him.

“Jeez ya big baby stop that.”

“But Chuuya doesn’t love meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” he whined.

“I never said that I just said that we aren’t dating,” corrected Chuuya. “Now hush and finish your food.”

Dazai mumbled something and slumped against Chuuya. Once Chuuya finished he set his plate aside and put an arm around Dazai. The brunette set his plate aside and relaxed against Chuuya. Normally he would push him off but he honestly didn’t mind it so much. Chuuya was just so warm and Dazai felt safe. So warm… so safe….

********

It took Chuuya, who knows how long, to realize Dazai was asleep. His head rolled against Chuuya’s stomach and he curled up, murmuring softly.

“Dazai?” whispered Chuuya. “Hello?” No response. Chuuya remembered the time Dazai had fallen asleep with him in the vault and he only did so when he felt safe. Chuuya wondered how the hell he ever felt safe if he felt the need to hurt himself.

So Chuuya just let him sleep.

Eventually the kids went off to bed but Chuuya realized that he couldn’t get up without disturbing Dazai. Besides, this wasn’t so bad.

He clicked onto a reality tv show and zoned out making sure he didn’t move too much as to wake Dazai. Sometime around midnight Dazai started twisting and whimpering so Chuuya started to rock him gently. He hummed softly and lulled Dazai out of the nightmare. It happened a few more times and Chuuya was able to get him to settle without Dazai having to wake up.

Soon the sun was peeking through the curtains and Chuuya still had not slept. Dazai trusted Chuuya to protect him while he was asleep so there was no way that Chuuya was going to sleep on the job. Not when Dazai had no one he could trust, not even himself.

*******

When Dazai woke up he was so warm and someone was humming. He tried to peel his eyes open but the light was too much so he shut them again. Someone was holding him, someone incredibly warm and comforting. The humming was a nice gentle tune so Dazai relaxed, wanting to go back to sleep.

Then it stopped. The humming stopped and was coupled with footsteps.

“If you guys would please be quiet I would be so happy,” murmured Chuuya, who must be the one holding him.

“Enough to have smores for breakfast?” asked Kyouka, trying to whisper but ultimately failing.

“Whatever you want today just don’t wake him up.”

There were murmurs of assent and then footsteps away. 20 minutes later the door opened and shut and the humming resumed. After a bit Dazai tried to open his eyes again and groaned. He rolled over a bit so he could open his eyes and look up at Chuuya.

“Good morning sleepy head,” said Chuuya. “That was almost 9 hours.”

Dazai hummed.

“I haven’t slept that long in ages,” he murmured. “Normally wake up ‘rom nightmares.”

“You almost did a bunch of times. I’m really glad you didn’t.”

“Wait, have you been up all night?” asked Dazai.

“Well yeah you said that you could only sleep when he was gone or when you were safe so I wanted to make sure you know that I’ll stay awake to make sure you're safe.” Chuuya paused. “It sounds sort of stupid saying it out loud.”

“No no no,” said Dazai, then stopped for a second. “Thank you for doing that. I’m sorry I kept you up.”

“No problem,” said Chuuya.

They sat together in silence a minute before Chuuya gently eased Dazai off of him.

“Sorry I have to start some laundry.”

“Mmmm let me help,” said Dazai following him.

“No no you're okay you're a guest it's fine.” Chuuya walked down the hallway to his bedroom.

“Chuuya I’m not a broken toy. I can still help out. This doesn’t change anything.” It sounded like Dazai was trying to convince himself. “Please don’t say it changes anything.”

Chuuya stopped and thought for a moment. Should it change something? Did he want it to change something? Everything felt different now but Dazai probably did this long before Chuuya met him.

The red-head turned around.

“Fine asshole, maybe I should let you pay your keep here,” he said. “Now c’mere and help me.”

Chuuya went into his room and started ripping sheets off. Dazai followed him sort of dazed at Chuuya’s sudden change. Chuuya threw some blankets at him but Dazai fumbled and dropped them. Chuuya grinned.

“Slippery Mackerel eh?” he asked.

“Oh shut up you silly slug,” said Dazai with the ghost of a smile. “You wouldn’t even be able to see over this pile of blankets.”

“You think you're so smart? Do you even know how to do laundry?”

Dazai paused and thought about it long and hard until Chuuya laughed.

“That’s what I thought,” said Chuuya. “Well today you are going to learn real skills.”

And he did. Chuuya was shocked at how little Dazai knew of how to live on his own. He didn’t know how to do laundry, or how to cook, or even how to vacuum properly. So Chuuya had Dazai help him with all his chores. Wash bedsheets, vacuum the place, dust the dirtiest surfaces, and start dinner.

All while keeping up the constant bickering and by the end of it Chuuya almost forgot what had happened. They settled down on the couch after and Dazai looked at Chuuya.

“I’ll go back to the mafia tomorrow. Mori will get twitchy if I’m out and away from him for more than a day. I’ll head back tonight and deal with whatever comes and then you can come back to work in the morning.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” asked Chuuya. “I mean after all-”

“Chuuya I’m fine. The longer I wait the worse it’ll be. Plus,” Dazai nudged him with his shoulder. “I’ll have you with me.”

“Yeah I don’t know. I don’t like it.”

“I don’t either but I don’t have a choice. Neither of us need Mori knocking on the door.”

Dazai stood up and put on his coat. Chuuya walked to the door but couldn’t make himself open it.

“You know if it gets really bad you can just call me? I’ll come and get you,” said Chuuya. “Like I’m dead serious I will have my ringer on full volume all night. Or I’ll just stay awake. Don’t be afraid to call me even if you just need to talk or whatever. Or I’ll come in with my knife and end that motherfucker whatever you need I swear.”

“Okay I swear if I need something I’ll call you, deal?” asked Dazai.

Chuuya wrung his hands and nodded.

“Deal, deal as long as you stick to it alright? I’ll smack you halfway to Sunday if I think you needed me and didn’t ask.”

“Gee almost sounds like you like me or something,” said Dazai, grinning.

Chuuya smacked him lightly on the back of the head, muttering an insult. The playful moment didn’t last long as soon as concern was back in Chuuya’s eyes.

“Chibi, I promise that if it gets too bad I will call you. I also promise I will be patiently waiting for your arrival for your shift tomorrow morning. Deal?” Dazai held out his hand and Chuuya shook it.

“Deal. Now get out of here before I change my mind.”

Chapter Text

It was weird to say the least, going back into work the next day. Chuuya had layered a lot today, long pants, t-shirt, and two sweatshirts. For some reason all the layers make him feel much more comfortable and safer. He bid the kids off to school before getting in with Tachihara. It had long since stopped surprising Chuuya at how much Tachihara could talk. It was so nice to not have to fill the silence

He got up to the penthouse and knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

Chuuya pushed the door open and Dazai looked up in shock.

“Since when do you knock?”

“Since today,” said Chuuya, nonchalant. 

He wasn’t going to mention how terrified he was that in coming in he would find Dazai bleeding or dead on his desk by his own doing or his fathers. Dazai had promised he would be okay but Chuuya had a hard time trusting people. (And that was probably him being irrational and overemotional.)

Chuuya stepped forward, heading for the vault. He settled down completely, losing himself in the work. It took just enough brain power to take up his thoughts but not enough to be hard. Plus it felt good to just be near Dazai, knowing if something went wrong he could at least be there. Every ten minutes or so he would come out and ask Dazai a stupid question or just stand there for a moment. He couldn’t help it even though he knew Dazai was going to think he was weird or crazy or something.

 He moved almost mechanically, sorting files, labeling until he reached for the bucket and… it was empty.

Chuuya froze and spun, examining the whole vault. He inspected every drawer and empty bucket. Was he-

“HA!” shouted Chuuya. “FUCK YEAH!” Chuuya kicked all the empty buckets out of the room, taking in how pristine the tiny room was. “I AM A GODDDDDDDDDD” Chuuya pumped his fists in the air shouting. 

“Chuuya…”

Chuuya froze dead in his tracks. Dazai stood in the doorway looking at the vault.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m celebrating because I am fucking awsome,” said Chuuya, the confidence overwriting the strange awkward air. “Look at this. Remember what it looked like? Now its all FUCKING ALPHABATIZED!!!”

Dazai looked on and giggled. 

“Are you laughing at me asshole?”

“I just think it’s cool how much pride you are taking in your work,” said Dazai. “And yeah maybe a little.”

Chuuya waved a hand at him.

“Why do you always have to pop my bubble?”

“Sorry I wasn’t trying to,” said Dazai sheepishly. “We can go out if you like? To celebrate. I mean what do you normally do for lunch? We could do that more. But obviously with spending more of Mori’s money.”

“Eh don’t bother. You obviously aren’t as enthralled as I am.” Chuuya sighed and slumped to the floor, overdramatic. 

“No no you're right I’m sorry. I never would have been able to do that in a million years-”

“Oh? Did the Demon Prodigy admit there is something that he can’t do.”

“Don’t push me Chuuya,” said Dazai, giving him the dirtiest glare he could manage. “Just take advantage of my offer. Don’t make me turn it into a favor.”

“Okay okay, I’m just not hungry so pass this time. I can get started on whatever you need next.”

“Nooooo that’s not fun,” whined Dazai, leaning against the door frame. “Come on, what do you do for lunch? I bet I can double the price without trying.”

“No, because anything times zero is still zero,” said Chuuya. 

“What do you mean zero?”

“I don’t really eat lunch,” said Chuuya with a shrug. “Or breakfast really. I’ll eat dinner when Ryu cooks. Unless I run out of time. I mean before this I didn’t have time for anything.”

“What???”

“What do you mean what???” Dazai gaped at him, mouth like a fish’s.

“You don’t eat three meals a day??”

“I’m supposed to?”

Dazai lost all words. He stared at Chuuya in utter disbelief. Chuuya didn’t think Dazai had the right to yell at him for his poor eating habits when the red-head had to take his ass to the hospital for cutting. 

“You eat three meals a day?” asked Chuuya, trying to break the silence 

“Yeah I have since forever. Mori always had me on a super strict eating schedule. What I ate, how much, and what time. I’ve mostly been able to break that schedule but if I don’t eat three meals a day at those times my internal clock and stuff gets messed up.”

Chuuya stared at him.

“Yeah no that’s not how I work. I don’t eat unless I have to.”

“But why? Food should be enjoyed, right? Oda taught me that. “

“Yeah I guess but I just don’t. Takes too much time, it's a distraction, and it’s me being selfish,” said Chuuya, calmly. 

“How is it selfish?”

“Well eating is just wasting money. But if I don’t eat I just turn myself into a martyr. So I just don’t bring up food or eating.”

Dazai stared at him for a moment, looking like he wanted to speak up and say something. Maybe to insist that Chuuya take better care of himself. That might have been nice, to have someone notice he was really fucked up. Not even just notice but to care and want to help him.

But the brunette just shrugged. 

“Fine, but make an exception just this once?”

Chuuya thought for a moment looking around at the clean room. He did all this in a little less than a month. He deserves a treat right?

“Okay just this once.”

Dazai grinned and grabbed Chuuya’s hand. 

“Okay come on.”

“Wait where are we going?” asked Chuuya.

“Well technically I’m not supposed to leave the office today. Mori said something like he might need me or something stupid like that. So…” Dazai flopped into his desk chair and opened up his phone. Chuuya looked around awkwardly for a moment. Then Dazai spun and held out his phone. It was open to the menu for a chinese restaurant chain. 

“We are getting Thai food?” asked Chuuya, scrolling through the menu. Dazai puffed out his cheeks and pulled the phone away.

“I saw takeout containers from here in the fridge at your place and I have wanted to try it. Unless you don’t want to and then I mean that’s fine. See if I care.”

“Oh my god you big baby,” said Chuuya, reaching out to snatch the phone back but Dazai held it out of his reach.

“No no no no Chuuya said he didn’t want to.”

“Come on Dazai stop being a dick lets do this,” said Chuuya jumping up higher, cursing his height. Dazai just held it a smidge out of his reach. So Chuuya did something incredibly stupid.

He jumped over the desk and grabbed the phone.

Before falling head over heels and tumbling into Dazai, they went sprawling onto the floor, knocking over the desk chair. 

Chuuya tried to roll away but just ended up tangled and stuck. 

“Wow Chuuya you really fell for me,” quipped Dazai. A horrified gasp left his throat. “Did I say that outloud?”

“Yup you sure did you asshole,” muttered Chuuya, biting back a laugh. 

He tugged at Dazai’s limbs until they could both pull away. Chuuya reached out and picked up his smushed hat, setting it on his head. 

“This is why you don’t mess with me,” said Chuuya, sticking his tongue out at Dazai. The brunette returned the gesture. “So come on now let me see the menu.”

Dazai finally relented, taking the phone from Chuuya and unlocking it. They huddled around it together. Chuuya pointed out things he had tried and which ones he liked. They lived near to the place so delivery came cheap and they had gotten it a bunch of times. 

Everything Chuuya said he liked Dazai selected an order of. Chuuya tried to keep him from doing it but the brunette would not take no for an answer. Once they got to the bottom of the menu, Dazai snatched the phone away and placed the order so Chuuya couldn’t see the price.

“Eh what the hell?” asked Chuuya. “There is no way we can eat all that food.”

“Leftovers,” said Dazai. “Besides, I wanted to try everything.”

“This is going to be fun,” said Chuuya sarcastically. “Where are we going to eat this anyway?”

Dazai stood up, going through the motions of brushing himself off. He shoved all the stuff on his desk off onto the floor. He then pulled one of the other chairs on the other side of the desk around to his side. 

“Ta da!” said Dazai brightly.

“Are you going to clean that up?” asked Chuuya, staring at the mess of papers. Maybe cleaning the vault had permanently ruined him. 

“Nope nope,” said Dazai brightly. “I have a new secretary to help me with that.”

Chuuya’s mood dropped. It took the better part of an eternity to raise his spirits and less than a second for them to drop. So he finished and now he is being replaced. He knew this was going to happen. Chuuya cursed himself for not preparing for this ahead of time. How could he be so stupid?

“Chibi will help me keep my office clean and help me write up my reports for Mori. He is going to make such a cute secretary,” said Dazai, setting his chair up straight and sitting in it.

“Who?”

“Chibi. You. I am giving you a promotion. You will go from glorified cleaning person to personal secretary. Whatcha think?”

Chuuya laughed mostly out of relief.

“Sounds great Dazai. Except I think Mori will die of shock when his paperwork starts coming in on time with 100% effort put in.” And when he realizes Chuuya isn’t gone for good. But let’s not ruin the mood.

Dazai snorted. “Since when was that the plan?”

“Since when have you known me to half ass anything?”

“Touche,” said Dazai, spinning in that annoying way he did. “I guess Chuuya will just have to turn me into a better person.”

Chuuya laughed.

“Yeah don’t come to me looking for that. I will clean all day long but fixing people? Not my strong suit.” he said. 

“Alright then what do you want to do until the food arrives?”

“Jeez screw personal secretary. More like a babysitter. Do you need to be entertained all the time?”

Dazai laughed. 

“I guess so but you knew that,” said Dazai. Chuuya shoved Dazai with his shoulder lightly.

“I don’t know you got any board games? A deck of cards?”

Dazai pulled open the drawers of his desk. Most of them were empty because they had been full of papers that were now organized. Some of them were full of junk. Pictures, scraps of paper with writing on it, a pair of scissors, some screwdrivers, a spare phone charger, and even some weird little trinkets. 

“Jesus maybe I should organize all this next,” joked Chuuya. Dazai pulled out a torn up deck of cards and plopped it on the desk.

“No thank you. I have a place for everything and everything in its place. Now what card games do you know?”

“I am not playing poker with you or any other gambling game,” said Chuuya.

“Wha? Why not?” demanded Dazai. 

“Because you are part of the mafia. I don’t need to lose my money and my mind over a gambling game.”

“Alright alright so then what do you suggest?”

“Go fish.”

And that is how the Demon Prodigy and hot-headed Chuuya sat ot his massive oak desk playing go fish until the food arrived. 

“Mmm have a seven?” asked Chuuya. 

“Go fish,” said Dazai. Chuuya sighed and grabbed a card. “Nine?”

Chuuya handed over one of his cards and Dazai laid out a pair of nines and a pair of sevens.

“Oi! You said you didn’t have any sevens!”

“No, I said go fish.”

“You fucking liar.” Chuuya slammed his cards down and leaned back. “I’m not playing anymore.” He crossed his arms firmly.

“Oh come on you were going to win! What was I going to do?”

“Just lose, man you can’t always cheat to win!”

“But win or die ‘man’!” mocked Dazai.

They kept bickering back and forth until Tachihara knocked on the door and came in to see Chuuya shaking Dazai by the neck. Tachihara cleared his throat and Chuuya froze. Dazai smiled at him.

“Umm there is a bunch of delivery for you,” said Tachihara. Chuuya gently set Dazai down before sitting. 

“Yup that would be us,” said Dazai brightly. “Can you bring it up?”

“Sure yeah. Umm just being curious, are you guys playing go fish?”

“Not anymore,” snapped Chuuya. “Because this fucker found a way to cheat fucking go fish.”

Tachihara pursed his lips and nodded before leaving. He came back a little bit later, juggling three bags. Chuuya took them and went through the motions of setting out all of the food. 

“Now if you're done being a little bitch we have a lot of food to eat,” said Chuuya. 

“Umm you had me by the neck just a minute ago. I deserve to be treated better than thisssss,” whined Dazai.

“I only wring your neck cause you were being a little bitch. Fair deal.”

Chuuya groaned and flopped back.

“Fine, be stubborn, see if I care.” He opened up a few containers of the food and started picking at it, eating some of the dumplings and one of the spring rolls. 

“Chuuuuuuuyyaaaaa,” said Dazai, resting his chin on Chuuya’s shoulder.

“What is it shitty Dazai?” said Chuuya, his mouth full of food. 

“Gimme food.”

“You become more childish every day,” said Chuuya. “Fix your own damn plate.”

“Chuuuuuuyaaa-” Chuuya shoved a dumpling past his lips. Dazai spluttered. 

“Chew,” instructed Chuuya. “And stop bothering me.”

Dazai nodded along. Every couple of minutes Chuuya would give him another bite of something new telling him what it was. It was rather nice and calm. Even Dazai seemed more chill than normal. 

“Okay I’m done,” said Chuuya a while later, more full than he had been in a while. “Plus my shift’s almost over. You going to be okay tonight? You can come over again-”

“No Mori will lose it. We had a ‘talk’ last night. I doubt I have heard the end of it and I think he would be pissed if I went back to your house so soon.”

“You had a talk? What does that mean? Is that code for he beat you?” asked Chuuya, stepping close and examining Dazai. He thought he would have noticed any new bruising or cuts but maybe he wasn’t looking close enough. “You should’ve told me I wouldn’t have been so rough earl-”

“Stop.” Dazai caught his hands in a gentle but unforgiving grip. “I don’t need to be coddled. He didn’t hurt me like that. You need to back off this shit though. I didn’t want anything to change.”

“Well it fucking did!” snapped Chuuya, grabbing him by the lapels of his coat. “And saying it won’t is stupid. You know about me and my… family and I know about you in yours. Of course things are going to change! But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Just that you now definitely have someone to look after you.” Chuuya loosened his grip slightly and stepped back a little. “Sorry I-I can back off a little but I’m just saying I can’t stop caring.”

“N-no not saying I– I don’t want you to stop caring I just….” How did he explain he desperately needed someone to care about him when he didn’t but he also didn’t want to be coddled because most of his brain demanded he never ask for help. “I just want you to…. To…. Just don’t go again. And try not to coddle me.”

“I’m not coddling. Not really,” muttered Chuuya defensively. “And yeah I’m not going anywhere. Promise.”

“I just need you to not be overbearing,” explained Dazai, finally finding the words. “I don’t need you trying to keep me from cutting. I did it before you and I’ll do it again but the more you try to stop me the more I’ll want to do it. So just don’t focus on it too much. I still want to hang out and fight and have you nearly throw me across the table for winning go fish. I need a friend not a mom.”

“I can do that,” said Chuuya. “I will worry and invite you back to my place all the time but I do that with friends trust me. That good?”

“Yup.”

“Okay cool. See you tomorrow.” Chuuya nodded at him and turned to go.

“See ya,” said Dazai.

“Oh and,” Chuuya paused before reaching the door. He turned. “It’s not winning if you were cheating asshole.”

With that touching parting statement Chuuya vanished out the door. 

Chapter Text

Chuuya was going to kill him.

He could picture it now.

Dazai’s face turning blue in Chuuya’s hands as he finally shut the fuck up and stopped messing with Chuuya.

Do you want to go to the arcade today?

Its nearby.

I haven’t been there before but it sounds like fun.

Betchu I can beat you at all the games.

Though i don’t know if they would let you in. Dogs aren’t allowed.

But maybe they won’t be able to see you cause of how short you are so we have a chance.

Anyway what do you say?

Doing paperwork is boring anyway. 

And loosing to me is the greatest honor of all.

C’mon chibi responddddddddddddddd

Plssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

I will go insane and kill myself if you don’tttttttttttttttt

Too soon?

I’m sorrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy

Missed Call from Shit Boss

Voicemail from Shit Boss

Missed Call from Shit Boss

Voicemail from Shit Boss

Missed Call from Shit Boss

Voicemail from Shit Boss

Missed Call from Shit Boss

Voicemail from Shit Boss

Missed Call from Shit Boss

Voicemail box full. 

Chuuya glared at his phone and glanced at the clock which helpfully told him it was 3 in the morning. This fucker had the nerve to call him at-

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Chuuya scrambled and hit answer, just to get the blasted noise to stop. Unfortunately what came out of the speaker was worse.

“FIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNALLLLLLYYYY I THOUGHT YOU DIED CHIBI!!!!!!!!!” Dazai’s face filled the screen in one of those super weird angles that showed way too much forehead and moved way to much.

“It is fucking three in the morning at least have the decency not to shout!” snapped Chuuya, rubbing the bridge of his nose. A headache was already building in the back of his head.

“SO WHAT DO YOU SAY????? WANT TO GO TO AN ARCADEEEEEEEEEEEE?????????”

“If you do not stop shouting I will hang up and resign right now.”

“YOU WOULDN’T DO THAT!” screeched Dazai.

“Bye,” said Chuuya, reaching to press the hang up button.

“No no nonononono,” said Dazai, quickly lowering his voice. Chuuya picked the phone up off the side table and held it up. “Ooooooh chibi looks so pretty when his eyes are all squinty and his hair is messed up.”

“If you don’t stop I will hang up,” threatened Chuuya, rubbing his eyes. Besides, he was supposed to be asleep, that’s what normal people did at 3 in the morning. Dazai was wide awake in his clothes from yesterday in the light of his office.  “It’s not my fault you called me at ungodly hours of the morning. What do you want?”

“For you to answer my question.”

“Yes, fine, we can tomorrow. Can I go back to bed now?”

“No,” said Dazai quickly. “I have to tell you something first.”

“What?”

Nothing.

“What?!!”

Nothing.

“Dazai? Are you still there?”

Heavy breathing. 

“What game are you-”

“Nothing nevermind.”

Click.

The call disconnected. Chuuya stared at his phone for a minute before his hand fell. 

What the fuck?

*******

Despite all that, Chuuya fell back asleep fairly easily. His alarm woke him up and Chuuya dragged himself out of bed. Now that he worked for Dazai he cared so much less about what he looked like. No scratch that he cared less about looking professional. He showered and threw on the first thing he saw in his closet. Sometimes he wore just a hoodie and jeans. Sometimes he wore his leggings and leather jacket. 

Today he put on a red crop top he hadn’t worn in ages and his favorite pair of black jeans. He even hooked a metal chain on the belt loops and put one of his studded earrings in. Getting dressed was always readying himself for battle but he felt much more comfortable like this rather than in some suit. Chuuya tied his hair back and hurried to the living room before he lost his nerve.

“Why do you look like that?” demanded Ryu immediately. 

“Contrary to popular belief I haven’t worn suits my whole life,” snapped Chuuya, taking the time to make some tea.

“He pays for the apartment you live in and the food you eat so he can dress however he wants,” supplied Gin.

“I have nothing against the clothes,” said Ryu defensively. “you just seem…. Different. Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened,” said Chuuya, irritation creeping into his voice. “I just didn’t want all of my favorite clothes to collect dust in the closet now that I don’t have to wear a uniform for a job everywhere I go. Is that a crime?”

“No…” Ryu trailed off. 

“Are you going to dress code me, dad? Demand I go to my room and change?” Chuuya smirked at the blush that crept over Ryu’s cheeks.

“No ugh don’t be like that.”

Ryu shuddered and Chuuya let the conversation drop. As soon as the kids left for the day Chuuya got a message from Dazai with an address. It was only a couple of blocks away.

Chuuya walked to the decrepit plaza and quickly located the arcade. This looked more like Chuuya was used to from his childhood. Crumbling buildings where people couldn’t give a fuck about what you did as long as you didn’t cost them money. Flashes of memories overtook Chuuya. Him and his little gang of friends running around and tearing places up. Playing basketball on the half destroyed court at the school lot. Buying food from the little destroyed restaurants where no one there spoke a lick of Japanese. Messing with store owners and running off with stupid toys and nick nacks. One time they got away with stealing a whole Xbox. 

Gently shaking himself, Chuuya continued on. He had kissed his best friend in a plaza like this. He didn’t really want to think about that right now. The door creaked open and Chuuya stepped into the arcade. 

It had just opened and kids were scrambling around, ranging in ages 6 to about Chuuya’s age. There were some parents mingling with the little kids as people ran around trying out all the new games. 

“Chibi!!! You finally decided to-”

Dazai’s voice cut out when Chuuya turned around. His eyes dipped to Chuuya’s exposed stomach and his chest. 

“I swear to god if you start complaining about my shirt to-” started Chuuya, preparing himself to kill the brunette.

“I didn’t know you have nipple rings.”

Red hot blush swam over Chuuya’s cheeks. He glanced down and sure enough they were visible through the shirt. Honestly he forgot that other people would be able to notice now with how tight the shirt was.  

He had gotten them ages ago, blowing his birthday money from his parents on them. Meaning he had to have been 13? He couldn’t remember how exactly he convinced someone to give an underaged kid a nipple piercing but it had worked out. And even if his dad never found out it made Chuuya feel thrilled about how his dad would flip if he did. 

“Yeah so? It’s not something I walk around broadcasting to everyone.” 

Chuuya fought the urge to cross his arms over his chest. Desperate to make sure he wasn’t the only one uncomfortable, Chuuya walked up to Dazai. He grinned. His friend had once told him that it was his “bad boy” smile, one that was guaranteed to make someone very scared or very horny.

“But if you're curious I could give you a closer look sometime….” 

Blush spread over Dazai’s cheeks but he grinned just the same. 

“I think I would like that. And I don’t know who was complaining about the shirt but I certainly won’t.” 

Dazai’s hand came up brushing the sides of Chuuya’s exposed stomach before tucking a curl behind the red-heads ear. 

There was a beat of silence in which you could cut through the tension with a knife.

“Chuuya,” said Dazai, tasting his name.

“Yeah?” asked Chuuya, voice low. 

“I-” Dazai’s throat stuck. He cleared it before stepping back. “I approve of your choice in apparel. Now-”

Dazai tossed a bag at Chuuya who scrambled to catch it. It was full of coins.

“You put some of these coins in to play the game. Ready?” Chuuya stared at the bag for a minute, before smacking Dazai.

“I know how an arcade works dammit!”

“Good then hurry up.” Dazai grabbed Chuuya’s wrist and dragged him off to the first game. 

Coins clinked into the slots and the game noises swelled.

“What is this one?” Asked Chuuya. “How do you play?”

A countdown popped up on the screen before the match started.

Chuuya soon found out that it was a PVP punching game. And honestly he didn’t think he did too horribly for being thrown into it but Dazai still won. And Chuuya would do anything to smack that stupid grin off Dazai’s face.

“I told you I would win Chuuuuyaaaa-” cooed Dazai. “You really are a stupid dog. Good thing you are so cute.”

“Fuck you,” gritted Chuuya, scrambling for another response. 

“Hmmm,” hummed Dazai. “Would you like to play again?”

“Yes because now that I know how to play I won’t lose.”

And he didn’t.

They bounced around the arcade, Dazai picking games at random that interested him. Both of them would argue that they won more matches but they were just about tied. They continued to play the PVP games until Dazai got stopped at a claw machine. 

The second in command of the biggest mafia in Japan pressed his face against the glass, staring at a plush duck. He turned to Chuuya so fast, the red-head almost toppled backward from shock.

“I want that one,” he said pointing at the duck.

“So get it,” said Chuuya. 

“Nooooooooo,” whined Dazai. “I want Chuuuuuya to win it for me.”

“I won you a whole shit ton of prizes at the carnival!” insisted Chuuya.

“Yeah but no ducks.”

They glared at each other for a solid five minutes. Chuuya gave up and slid his coins into the slot.

“Fine but just this one.”

Just this one turned out to be a lot harder than he thought.

Ten plays later and they were both glued to the machine.

“If I hit it when the claw moves it, maybe it will fall into the slot,” mused Dazai.

“That would work better if it was closer to the edge,” said Chuuya. The stupid claw would always drop it too soon. 

“You just can’t bury it any further,” said Dazai.

“No shit Sherlock,” snapped Chuuya. He slid more coins in, realizing he was dangerously low. He didn’t doubt that Dazai would pay for more but still. Something told him he had to do it before he ran out of coins. For his honor and dignity. 

The claw started to move and Chuuya carefully maneuvered it over the duck.

“A little to the left,” said Dazai. “No no not that far a little more right. A little bit up. No, not that far you have such a heavy hand chibi. A little more le-”

“Oh just shut up!” Chuuya’s hand smacked into the console. The claw released, going down for the duck. Chuuya and Dazai froze, neither of them drawing in a breath. 

“You should have moved it more to the left,” whispered Dazai.

“Shut up,” growled Chuuya.

The claw gripped the duck and caught its head. Both boys held their breath as the claw brough the stuffed toy up and up. Then it started to move over making the duck sway slightly. They both gasped as the duck slipped from the claws grip-

-and fell into the drop bucket.

“YESSSSSSS!” screamed Dazai.

“FUCK YEAH!” shrieked Chuuya. 

They jumped up and down for a minute pumping fists before Dazai dived for the little flap. He reached his arm up to his shoulder, hand floundering around. He brought out the little duck triumphant. 

“Hell. Yes.” Chuuya grabbed the duck and used it to yank Dazai to his feet. They spun in a circle for a moment, both clutching the duck. Chuuya’s vision wavered and he stumbled feeling dizzy. His legs splayed out knocking Dazai over and soon they were all splayed out on the dirty carpet. 

And they laid there laughing for the longest time. A lot of people passed them with disapproving looks but the best part was, neither of them gave a fuck. 

“My child!” gasped Dazai finally. 

“Hey I did most of the work for that!” snapped Chuuya.

“Chibi,” started Dazai, suddenly serious. “If you want to have a child with me that bad you could just say so.” 

Dazai ducked Chuuya’s fist and the red-head spluttered nonsense.

“You just had to ruin the moment didn’t you?” he snarled.

“I didn’t ruin anything,” chirped Dazai. He clutched the plush close, looking like a little kid with a teddy bear. Chuuya grinned and hugged Dazai tight. 

“Uh excuse me?” asked an employee. “You are blocking the way.”

“Don’t worry we’re leaving now anyway,” said Chuuya, standing and brushing himself off. Dazai looked up at him.

“We are?”

“Yup.” Chuuya held out a hand and Dazai took it.

“No, we have to get our prizes first,” insisted Dazai. He pulled a fistfull of tickets out of his pocket.

“Come on Dazai, haven't we menanced this place enough?” asked Chuuya. But Dazai wouldn’t listen. He walked toward the counter before taking the tickets from Chuuya’s pocket. Chuuya let him, planning on giving them to the bandaged freak anyway. 

Dazai examined the scratched glass. He piled the tickets on the counter so he could press his hands to it.

“Chuuya what is this?” he asked. Chuuya peered at the case.

“It’s a lollipop idiot.”

“Are they good?”

“Meh. I’m more of a chocolate person. It’s really sugary though.”

Dazai nodded like Chuuya had just advised him on a battle strategy. He called the poor worker over. He started pulling stuff out of the case and handing the stuff back to Dazai. The brunette turned around, pocketing the huge lollipop. He held out a fistfull of chocolate kisses to Chuuya.

“Aww you're giving me a kiss?” teased Chuuya. Dazai blushed.

“That’s what they are called? I thought they were just chocolate.” Chuuya unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth grinning at Dazai. The brunette looked away slightly flustered and shoved something in his pocket.

“What's that?” asked Chuuya, mouth full of chocolate.

“A gift for you,” said Dazai. “But if you are insistent on making me feel awkward-”

“No c’mon lemme see,” said Chuuya.

“It’s stupid really. Little more than a joke,” insisted Dazai. 

“Stop fucking around Dazai. The suspense is too much,” joked Chuuya. Dazai finally reached into his pocket and pulled out something Chuuya was not expecting.

Two necklaces made out of shitty plastic rope. On each necklace was half a red heart, broken edges that matched up perfectly. Chuuya stared at them for a minute before looking up at Dazai. Peeling black letters spelled out friends half of the word on each necklace. 

The brunette's face was a vibrant shade of red. He couldn’t even look at Chuuya. He looked so terrified and vulnerable Chuuya didn’t know what to do. He was going to fuck this up so bad but he needed to do something. 

“Finally something to add a little color to your outfits,” said Chuuya, voice deceivingly light. Even though Dazai was in civilian clothes those clothes were still in plain black and white. “Here.” 

Chuuya took one of the necklaces from the brunette and stood on his tip toes. He clasped it around the brunette's neck before pulling all Dazai’s hair out from under it. Dazai stared at him dumbstruck, having not moved. Chuuya just adjusted the pendant taking in the whole look.

“I approve. It looks cute on you. Just the right amount of cheesy.” Chuuya took the other necklace and clasped it around his own neck. Dazai still hadn’t reacted. “What do you think?”

Dazai shook from his daze and blinked.

“I uhh… Here-” Dazai reached out, fixing the pendant so it wasn’t stuck up on the clasp. Dazai leaned in closer to fix the way his hair fell. “Better.”

Chuuya grinned up at him. Dazai’s eyes were startlingly brilliant, a rich brownish red. It was really a cool color. Chuuya was positive he kept one eye hidden because staring in both of them would kill a man. 

The red-head realized two things: one he was staring and two they were incredibly close. Chuuya cleared his throat and tried to step back. His foot caught on the uneven carpet and he almost tumbled backward. The brunette caught his arm to steady him.

“Thanks. Uhh sorry must’ve zoned out,” said Chuuya sheepishly. “We should probably get out of here before I knock anything over.”

Why the FUCK was he talking so much?

His adrenaline must be pumping after everything that has happened this week. Plus his anxiety was likely acting up making him read into situations too much. That’s why today was feeling so…. strange.

“Are we going home?” asked Dazai, following Chuuya to the door.

“If you want, but there is something I’d like to show you,” said Chuuya, trying to figure out if he wants to shake the weird vibes or feed them. He couldn’t figure out if he liked this feeling or not.

“Where are we going?” asked Dazai. His face was no longer relaxed and happy like it was playing games. It also wasn’t nervous and dumbstruck like earlier. It was tense, almost fearful.

“It’s not going to be bad,” promised Chuuya. “Do you trust me?” Dazai paused, considering before nodding. 

That was all the confirmation Chuuya needed. 

He dragged Dazai up the sidewalk before racing across the parking lot. Chuuya led them to a small gas station, just outside the plaza.

“What’s this?’ asked Dazai.

“Well,” said Chuuya, voice very slow as if explaining something to a child. “It is where people fill up their cars with gas to make them go vroom vroom.”

Dazai threw Chuuya a dirty look.

“I mean what are we doing here?”

“Standard protocol. After a great victory one must celebrate with the best treat known to man.”

“Oh?”

Chuuya threw open the doors and raced to the back where the slushy machine was. Dazai followed him hesitantly. 

“Have you ever had a slushy before?” asked Chuuya. 

“I don’t think so.” Dazai stared at the brightly colored machine, inspecting it.

“Well now you get to try it. I figured you hadn’t and this was one of the best parts of my childhood. Just trust me on this.”

Chuuya handed him a cup and grabbed his own. He put the lid on before filling it with the entire array of flavors they had available.

“Do you really think lemon sherbet and Coca-cola will taste good together?” asked Dazai.

“Nope,” said Chuuya, pulling the little lever on the next flavor. “But it’s all just sugar so normal rules don’t apply.” He licked the excesses off the top before going for straws.

Dazai started to fill his cup with Blue Raspberry. Chuuya set his drink down and took out his hair. He shook his head a couple of times before straightening the curls back into a ponytail.

“Dazai it’s leaking…”

Dazai looked down and realized the slushy was spilling all over the place. The brunette swore, reaching for some napkins. Chuuya giggled and helped him try to clean up the mess.

“Did you get distracted by my brilliance?” asked Chuuya, failing to stifle a laugh.

“No!” objected Dazai. “I just zoned out.” He coughed nervously and wouldn’t meet Chuuya’s eyes.

“Uh huh whatever you say,” said Chuuya, grabbing napkins as well

Finally they gave up trying to de-stickify Dazai and went up to pay. Chuuya took some spare change out of his pockets and put it down before Dazai could pay. The cashier handed over the receipt and Chuuya led Dazai to sit outside on the curb. 

“That was fun,” said Chuuya, after taking a long sip of his slushy. 

“I’m glad you liked it chibi,” said Dazai. Chuuya glanced at the brunette. Dazai was cradling the duck and the drink like they were precious gems. His brown eye was shining in the midday light. They stared out over the trashy lot, watching people go in and out of shops. 

“I think I’m in love with you.”

Chuuya choked. 

“What??”

Dazai jumped and swore viciously.

“Did I say that outloud?”

“Uh yeah!” Chuuya practically shouted. “What do you mean?”

“Just forget I said anything!”

A minute passed. Then two. 

Soon the tension became too much for Chuuya to bear. His heart was practically beating out of his chest but at least now he knew. He knew he wasn’t just going crazy. He really was… was he? Was Dazai really? Were they?

Only one way to find out.

Chuuya turned to Dazai. The brunette turned to face him and before Chuuya could second guess himself he kissed Dazai.

Admittedly, Chuuya had little experience with kissing and it didn’t seem like Dazai had any at all. Still it was a quick kiss that tasted like sugar so it wasn’t awful. Chuuya drew back and Dazai leaned forward slightly, as if not wanting it to end. He blinked at Chuuya for a moment. 

“That was-” started Chuuya.

“Interesting,” filled in Dazai. 

Chuuya burst out laughing. 

“W-what?” stammered Dazai. “What’s so funny?”

“That was interesting? That is all you could think to say?” Chuuya wheezed between breaths. 

“Well I- See I don’t…. I couldn’t just?” Dazai fumbled for the words as Chuuya bent over at the waist cackling. “Will you just shut up?”

“I-I can’t,” gasped Chuuya, tears streaming down his face. He leaned back up again, head tilted to the sky.

“Well uh-” There was a beat and then there were lips on him again. The laughter died in Chuuya’s throat when he realized Dazai had practically climbed on top of him to kiss him. It was effective though.

Dazai’s hands were planted on either side of the red-head, lips covering Chuuya’s. Chuuya stared at Dazai, whose eyes were closed tighter. He was so rigid and terrified Chuuya wanted to laugh. Instead the red-head pulled Dazai onto his lap and tilted his chin up so as to not break the contact. Dazai gasped slightly at the movement and Chuuya smiled. 

“Is that better?” asked Chuuya, pulling back just enough to whisper against Dazai’s lips. 

“Uhhh….”

“And just for the record,” continued Chuuya. “I think I’m in love with you too.”

The red-head leaned back against the wall of the building and brought his hands to Dazai’s hips. The poor brunette looked completely flustered and confused. 

“You can get up, you know,” said Chuuya gently. Dazai scrambled to his feet, staggering away. Chuuya tried to beat back the stab of pain. 

“Holy shit,” muttered Dazai. “Holy shit. Holy shit holy shit holy shit.”

“Hey it’s okay,” said Chuuya, trying to sound comforting. 

“I can’t believe that worked.”

A pause. 

“What?”

“Oda once told me that the best way to connect with people was to be honest,” explained Dazai. “And… and it worked. I was honest and now… now….” Dazai met Chuuya’s gaze. “Now what?”

“Now whatever you want,” said Chuuya. “Your the one who seems to have little experience with this sort of thing-”

“Try none. No experience,” huffed Dazai.

“So we can do what you want.”

“I-I don’t know what I want.”

“Do you want to be friends? Or more than that?”

“I-” Dazai fidgeted with his bandages. “More. But not too fast. Jeez I don’t even know what this sort of thing looks like and I-”

“Hey,” Chuuya stood up and took one of Dazai’s hands. “We can figure it out alright? We don’t have to do any of this. I just want you to be happy, okay?”

Dazai nodded. “Okay.”

Chuuya stood on his tiptoes and gave him a light kiss on the nose. Dazai smiled down at him. 

They collected their drinks and the duck before walking off together, back toward Chuuya’s apartment. 

Chapter Text

That night they hung out a while longer before Dazai insisted on going home. He told Chuuya that their escapade at the arcade was just a treat for finishing organizing the vault and tomorrow they would return and work hard on all the mission reports that had been piling up. Chuuya had nodded and given him the smile that never ceased to melt Dazai’s heart along with a kiss on the cheek. 

Dazai had walked out of that apartment feeling like a precious gem. Like a billion yen. Amazing. 

He got back to his lonely office that didn’t seem so terrible any more. Not when it had traces of Chuuya everywhere. The clean vault, the organized pens on the corner of his desk, the hoodie Chuuya left there to double up incase it got cold (though Dazai figured Chuuya wanted him to wear it so that he would look more like a young adult rather than wearing his black heavy mafia jacket.) It made the entire office feel a little bit better. Plus….

Dazai set his duck down on his desk next to the octopus from the carnival. It was so cute and it made Dazai happy just remembering how warm he had felt. 

The office doors swung open with a bang and Dazai jumped. This person didn’t bother to knock meaning it had to be-

“Where were you all day?” demanded Mori in his nonchalant I-will-murder-you tone. 

“Out,” deadpanned Dazai. He didn’t know why but he always switched to this tone while talking to Mori. He automatically said everything like he was a robot.

“I told you I don’t want you vanishing off again and going out during the day,” insisted Mori, glaring down at Dazai. They had a desk between them but that didn’t make Dazai feel any safer. 

“What’s it matter where I go? I always come back. You make sure of that. Besides last time I disappeared for more than a day it was because you kicked me out remember? That wasn’t my fault. You told me to go but didn’t tell me when to come back.”

Mori glowered at him, anger radiating out of those purple eyes. Mori held all of Yokohama in his palm so of course he didn’t like being talked back to.

The doctor apparently didn’t have a response to that. Instead he scanned the room, looking at Dazai, his desk, the closed vault door, the clean wood paneling all of it. Then his eyes landed on Dazai again or more specifically at the base of his throat. 

“Osamu what is that?”

Dazai glanced down at the plastic red necklace. 

“A necklace.”

“I can see that but why do you wear it?” Mori began to round the desk, like a predator stalking prey. Dazai felt his breath catch in his throat but he didn’t stop looking directly forward.

Mori must know he got it today while he was out with Chuuya. Dazai did not like where this was going but he didn’t know how to make it stop.

“Because I like it.”

“Yes but why?”

“I just do.”

A pained groan was yanked out of Dazai as the doctor grabbed his head and smashed it against the desk. Dazai straightened slowly, touching his nose lightly. Thank god it wasn’t broken. Chuuya would be inconsolable tomorrow if he came over and Dazai had a broken nose.

“Does it have something to do with your rat secretary? The stupid red-head? Just like these?” Mori picked up the octopus and the duck plushies. Dazai felt the strange urge to break Mori’s hands. The doctor clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “Osamu, I warned you. Getting attached gets you hurt. I was so proud of you when you kicked him out. I thought you were getting it. But then you go running back to him knowing it will only hurt you and him. I suppose it is partially my fault for making you feel unwelcome in a fit of rage but still.”

Dazai hated the way Mori spoke. So calm and collected like reading off a medical report. That’s how Mori made his money to start with. Being a doctor. Then he found more power in controlling trade and used that stupid sickly sweet voice to do it. 

“Now tell me you will get rid of Chuuya for good this time,” insisted Mori.

“But why?” asked Dazai. “He’s not doing anything wrong. He might actually be helping me run your empire better.”

“He is dragging you out of this building for frivolous activities and making your brain muddled,” snapped Mori.

Yes he was and it was excellent. Frivolous activities were so much fun and his brain around Chuuya was rewired to not be so dark, like Chuuya turned a light on. 

“Yeah but we get work done-”

Mori grabbed Dazai’s shoulders and shook him harshly. Nails dug into the soft flesh of his back. 

“Can’t you see? He is undoing all my hard work! Poisoning your mind and making you waste your time. I need you ready to take over my empire and keep the name alive and he is distracting you from that. I set you up for greatness and I won’t let a stupid red-headed bastard ruin that for me.”

So that was the problem.

Chuuya was making Dazai feel good and happy(Or better and happ ier ) and Mori saw that as a threat and maybe it was. Dazai didn’t want any of this and now he saw a way out besides suicide. That is what Mori didn’t like. 

“I am not getting rid of Chuuya,” said Dazai, a little emotion in his voice. He promised Chuuya he wouldn’t push him away again. Well here was his test to prove that he wasn’t going to fold. “I like having him around. He is nice to me and good to me. I’m not going to give that up just because you said so.” Dazai paused then continued. “And if you even think about killing Chuuya or hurting his family I swear you will need to find an heir much sooner than you are planning.” 

Mori blinked, surprised. Dazai grinned, feeling powerful against Mori for once in his miserable existence.

“What? Confused, your doll stopped jumping when you pulled the strings?”

“Enough Dazai!” shouted Mori, before taking a swing at Dazai's cheek. It wouldn’t have been too bad if his head hadn’t hit the desk again. As it was, Dazai fell hard, head banging against the edge of the desk. A hand came up to clutch his cheek.

But that wasn’t the bad part. The bad part was that Mori shouted. Full on shouted. All of Dazai’s confidence shattered with just that tone.

Clipped footsteps bit against the tile and Dazai looked up to see Mori standing over him. 

“I don’t think you understand who is in charge here,” hissed Mori, trying to keep his voice even. “I say jump you jump. I say make a fire you show up with oil. I say get rid of your stupid boy toy and you drop him. Are you going to do that?”

Honestly Dazai deserved a trophy for making a Good Decision(at least he hoped it was one). He knew what would happen, he knew how much it would hurt, he knew how awful it would be but he still stuck it through. He wanted Chuuya in his life and he could take anything Mori threw at him as long as he had someone looking out for him. 

“No,” spat Dazai. “Take your fucking puppet strings and shove them up your ass.”

Dazai got one breath until the world went red. 

He couldn’t even tell how long it was red for just that it was a while. 

Mori used his pristine black business shoes to kick the shit out of Dazai. One violent kick after another ripping pain through Dazai. It hurt like hell and he knew it wouldn’t stop any time soon. He knew that it was his fault, he knew it was preventable but this was the fucking decision he made.

He wished that he didn’t regret the decision. That he could just take the fucking beating and still stand strong by his decision but he couldn’t. He needed this to be over. It just hurt so fucking much. He couldn’t survive this. It was going to be too much for his weak wretched body.

The only thing he knew for sure was that he was screaming. Whenever Mori got like this he never screamed, never begged, never pleaded but now he was sobbing like a child.

“Stop! Stop stop stop stop p-please M-mori stop STOP STOP STOP Y-YOUR GOING TO KILL ME!”

Normally Dazai didn’t care if he lived or died in this situation. More often than not he hoped that Mori would get carried away and just end it. But now he needed to get back to Chuuya. He couldn’t leave Chuuya now, especially since the only explanation he would get was from his lying father. He needed to tell Chuuya that he didn’t want to go, not now not like this. Not when he could still have more happy memories to die thinking about. 

Eventually the world came back into view and Dazai realized he was resting with his head in Mori’s lap.

“That was incredibly disrespectful you know,” said Mori offhandedly like he was commenting on the fucking weather. If Dazai thought he would be able to speak without sending himself into a red spiral he probably would have said something stupid.

Instead he just nodded weakly, wanting to pass out. But Mori was still here. He wasn’t safe. Not like he could protect himself in this state. 

“Tell me Dazai, why is it you begged for your life?”

If Dazai had been thinking clearly he would have been able to control his tongue. As it was he couldn’t and his thoughts came out in words.

“Chuuya,” groaned Dazai, the simple word stealing all the breath from his lungs. Mori pursed his lips and nodded.

“Now on to business, I’m sorry I have to do this but if you aren’t going to cooperate then I have to take matters into my own hands.”

Mori picked up one of Dazai’s arms and a knife. Dazai didn’t realize what he was doing until the doctor dragged the knife across his wrist. The brunette was still in shock when the doctor did it to the other one. 

Thoughts weren’t connecting in Dazai’s brain. He couldn’t think or feel properly. What was even happening right now.

“Sideways for attention, down for results,” muttered Dazai because it was the only thing he could think to say. 

“Sideways indeed,” responded Mori. “Sleep well Osmau.”

With blood draining from his wrists Dazai fell unconscious.

Chapter Text

Chuuya was searching for the will to get off the couch to shower and go to bed when his phone rang. Dazai’s caller ID lit up the screen and Chuuya frowned and answered. Dazai said he would call if he was feeling bad or if things went wrong.

“Hey Dazai what’s up?” he asked, tone neutral.

“I’m afraid there has been an accident,” said a familiar voice that was plainly not Dazai’s.

“Who the hell is this? What happened to Dazai?” snapped Chuuya, clutching the phone tighter to his ear. 

“Osamu has had an accident and is currently being treated in my office. He has lost copious amounts of blood and will likely be out for a while. As such you will not be called in until he is available to give you tasks. You will be compensated appropriately.”

“W-wha- no I don’t need fucking compensation I need to know he is alright. What happened? How long will it take for him to recover?” Chuuya practically shouted.

“That information is not pertinent to you. And I request more respect from your end.”

This fuckers deadpan voice was going to make Chuuya go fucking feral.

“Who do you think you are asking me for-”

“Mori Ougai,” said the voice coldly.

Oh.

That’s where he heard that voice before.

“Alright,” said Chuuya, temper slightly dampened. “I’ll give you respect when you give me answers.” 

But he would never actually give him respect because Dazai’s dad was an asshole and Chuuya respected no assholes but himself. 

“Sorry,” drawled Mori in a voice that showed he was not sorry at all. “I will update you as it pertains to you.”

Click call ended.

Chuuya tried to dial it again but Mori didn’t pick up. After a few more attempts Chuuya set his phone down and stared at the floor.

There was an accident and Dazai needed medical attention. He wasn’t conscious or able to give Chuuya instructions for his job. And Mori wouldn’t tell him anything that happened. 

Something had gone wrong and now Dazai was in danger trapped in a building with a monster and Chuuya wasn’t there to help. 

*******

Chuuya took the bus to work the next morning. After staying up most the night, pacing endlessly and debating his options before passing out from exhaustion, he realized that the only way to settle this was to check on the brunette himself. If Mori wouldn’t give him answers then he would get them his damn self.

Thankfully most of the staff knew him enough to not be suspicious when he walked completely uninvited into mafia headquarters. Plus it confirmed his theory that none of the lower level people knew Dazai was out of commission. Most of them let him pass like it was just another day. 

It wasn’t until he reached the top floor that the guards stopped him. 

“I’m here to see Dazai,” said Chuuya. “Mori said it was okay.”

Nothing like a little lying through your teeth to get your blood pumping in the morning.

“I don’t think that is true,” stated one of the guards.

“Well, ask him if you don’t believe me,” said Chuuya. One of them left, walked down the hall, and returned a minute later with Mori. “Hello sir,” said Chuuya calmly and respectfully with a large plastic as fuck smile. “As I told them, you said I could come in and see Dazai today?”

“I most certainly-”

“Because last night I told you,” interrupted Chuuya. “That if you tried to keep me away I would keep coming back like a parasite until you relented into letting me see Dazai just to confirm that he is still alive and not being tortured or something silly like that.”

Mori’s eyes bore into Chuuya’s but the red-head did not relent. Mori could kick him out now but Chuuya would keep finding ways to come back and wear the doctor down until he was let in. 

(The doctor could also kill him and be done with it. Chuuya would not be the first or last person he killed. But the red-head was too hyped up on adrenaline and lack of sleep to be thinking properly at the moment so it didn’t matter.)

Mori must have sensed that because he just nodded. Chuuya wanted to jump up and down and scream to celebrate this victory but that would not likely be appreciated. 

He followed the doctor into Mori’s office which was a simple medical room with a bed for patients and a desk against one wall. Chuuya should probably spend time analyzing his surroundings but at this point he didn’t care about anything besides the figure, out cold, on the bed.

Dazai was as pale as snow, nearly blending into the sheets. An IV came out of his arm and a breathing tube at his nose. His nose, which was incredibly bruised. There were more bruises peppered into his face and likely more under the blankets. The really concerning part was his wrists. Dazai’s wrists were wrapped in thick gauze and Chuuya felt a sick feeling creeping into his stomach. 

“What happened to his wrists?” asked Chuuay quietly. 

“I’m afraid Osamu holds little love for this world,” said Mori, loftily.

“That’s such a beautiful way to say that he wants to die,” said Chuuya, feeling his throat close up.

Goddamnit I was supposed to be there for you. You were supposed to call me when things got rough. What happened to sticking together huh?

“If it is any consolation he will make full recovery within a week.”

“What about his head? Are you going to do anything to fix that?” asked Chuuya. 

Dazai should get longer than a week to heal anyway. He needed a long while to do whatever he wanted. Get a normal kid job and spend some time waiting tables while smoking with friends out back and bullshitting with people. He should go out and spend a whole day in a library reading countless books until he’s so tired and dizzy and feeling thoroughly fulfilled. He should go out and play dozens of video games with friends, laughing and joking and eating chips. He should get a chance to sit out and stare at the sunset, marveling in the colors. He could learn to play an instrument. Long walks and $2 chocolate bars and takeout and movies. Instead of being locked away in a tower and tormented he should get a chance to rediscover love for this world. 

Chuuya wanted to say all of this to Mori but the doctor’s piercing glare made him pause.

“You have long overstayed your welcome, Nakahara,” said Mori. “I will update you when progress has been made in his recovery. Now go.”

Chuuya knew he was at the end of his rope. He spared one more glance at the prone brunette. Last time he left Dazai alone the brunette ended up like this. But what more could he do? Plus the longer Mori looked at him the more he began to fear for his life. So he backed up from Dazai and turned toward the door.

“Alright but if you don’t call me with an update daily then I will come back to see for myself, got it? And if I find out you laid a finger on him while he was this helpless I swear you will regret the day you were born.”

“It is incredible the amount of sway you think you have in the mafia.”

“I won’t bother you if you just call me.”

Mori sighed but nodded. Chuuya left the building and didn’t look back.

Chapter Text

A few days passed and Mori called every single one, rattling off a bunch of doctor junk followed by “he is still alive and recovering as projected”. Until one morning Tachihara had given him a call to meet him downstairs.

Chuuya tapped his foot impatiently in the elevator. Tachihara had told him that Mori wanted to talk. That must mean something went very well or very bad in his recovery. Chuuya stepped out into the penthouse and turned toward Mori’s office but one of the guards he had come to ignore stopped him. They pointed down the hall to Dazai’s office. 

“I have to go see Mori-san,” explained Chuuya. “He summoned me.”

“He is in Osamu-san's office,” grunted the guard. 

Chuuya nodded and turned around, throwing open the doors to Dazai’s office just like he had done a million times before.

“How is his recovery coming along?” asked Chuuya, racing toward where Mori was standing behind Dazai’s desk. “Any new developments?”

“Recovery is proceeding as expected,” said Mori, inspecting Dazai’s desk. He pulled open a couple of drawers, sifting through their contents.

“Okay then why did you call me?”

Mori picked something up from the desk and held it up. It was the cheap, plastic best friend necklace they had gotten at the arcade. Right before they….

“Tell me Chuuya, what is this?”

“A stupid nick nack,” said Chuuya. 

“Okay and where did he get this ‘nick nack’. And before you continue to lie to me just note he was wearing it while I was patching him up.” Mori’s voice was calm and sweet but that somehow just made it worse.

“It was a gag gift from the arcade,” said Chuuya. “He is wearing it to annoy me.”

“Okay. The arcade where you kissed him?”

Chuuya froze. He gaped at Mori who was again going through Dazai’s desk. He pulled something out of it and set it on the table too. It was the pink octopus that he had gotten Dazai at the fair. One of his smallest prizes.

“And this from the carnival where he spent an obscene amount of money on you and your siblings. You two went up on the Ferris Wheel right? Had a deep talk up there.”

He pulled out something else. A handful of dried cherry blossoms floated around the octopus.

“From your walk in the park the first time he tried a crepe. How sweet, right?” Mori smiled up at him mockingly. 

It was stupid to Chuuya now, how he had assumed they were alone. Of course Mori was always monitoring his Demon Prodigy. Still those moments felt precious now, intimate. Moments that Mori had no right too.

“I’ve never been the one best at deductions. That was Osamu. But from this I can tell that you care deeply about The Demon Prodigy. And regretfully… he cares about you in return.” Mori walked around the desk and began to circle Chuuya, not unlike a shark. “How much do you know about me and Osamu’s relationship?”

“You’re his dad,” said Chuuya shortly.

“Good! Very good!” said Mori, brightly. “And as his dad I have to make him into a person the world needs. So I have little…. Chats with him to keep him in line.” Chuuya remembered the day Mori said he needed to talk to Dazai. How Dazai’s face had fallen and he had come back with more bandages. “The last time we were…. Chatting so to speak he was asking me to stop which rarely happens. Either he is a good boy and doing as I ask or he is begging me to continue until he dies.”

Mori said it like that was a completely normal reaction. That he tortured Dazai who either accepted it like a ‘good boy’(which is something you should call your dog not your son in Chuuya’s opinion) or he wanted Mori to end his life. Chuuya didn’t even know what to say to that so Mori continued.

“But no this time around he told me to stop. I asked him ‘why the change in heart? Why are you not asking to be put out of your misery?’ And he said your name. Chuuya.” Mori continued to circle Chuuya, voice still saccharine sweet. “I felt betrayed as though he had someone else's name during sex.” 

Chuuya immediately went scarlet. He wanted to shout ‘TMI!’ and just leave but his feet felt rooted to the floor. 

“And so I went digging and discovered he had gotten particularly attached to you. Something that hasn’t happened since-”

“Odasaku,” Chuuya filled in.

“Oh he told you about dear Oda then?” asked Mori. “And about all his pathetic ideals that he was forcing on Osamu, corrupting him.”

“I don’t think giving a person hope is corrupting them,” snarked Chuuya. 

“Well he was. All the hard work I put into molding Osamu was draining away-”

“So you did kill him!” shouted Chuuya, whirling to face Mori. “You killed Odasaku, admit it!”

Mori stared down at him for a moment, thinking, calculating. 

“Yes,” he said finally. “Yes I killed him and I’m quite proud I did it without Osamu finding out it was me.”

“He suspects it’s you,” said Chuuya as Mori resumed his circling. “And you are here to kill me too aren’t you?”

“No, I will not make the same mistake twice. Osamu vanished for a year after that and I only got him back because of you. So I guess I owe you a favor as well. Let’s say that leaving your kids out of it counts as my favor, hmm?”

“Okay yes, deal.” said Chuuya quickly. He could feel his muscles tensing. The shark was getting ready to bite and it would not be pretty.

“Perfect.” Mori stopped right in front of Chuuya. “You must know that I have nothing against you personally. I actually think you would make a pretty good mafioso under my direction. I respect you for dealing with my silly Osamu.”

Chuuya didn’t dare respond, holding his breath. 

“But unfortunately he needs to be taught a lesson.”

Chuuya’s reflexes caught up just fast enough to block Mori’s swing to his head. The red-head stumbled back a step, falling into a defensive stance but Mori was already on him. The doctor pulled a scalpel out of nowhere and lashed out, creating a small cut on Chuuya’s arm.

The red-head slipped to the side, thankful it was only a small scratch.

“What the hell are you doing?” demanded Chuuya. Something felt weird. His vision was brought in slightly. “Maybe you should deal with your control issues before you start hurting other people.” Mori just smiled at him. 

Something was definitely wrong. He needed to sit down and his head was going fuzzy. Chuuya’s knees buckled and he crumpled to the ground. Mori sauntered over like he had all the time in the world. And Chuuya supposed he did given that he couldn’t move any of his fucking limbs.

“You are so lucky! You get to test a new poison I developed. The person affected cannot move but can feel everything that happens to them. Sounds fun right?”

Chuuya could feel the place where the scalpel had cut him burning. Shit.

Mori dragged him over to Dazai’s desk. He draped Chuuya over the desk and pulled out his scalpel again.

“I’m calling it Corruption,” said Mori, grinning down at him. “And now for Dazai’s punishment.” 

Mori whipped off his coat. He then slowly cut down Chuuya’s shirt.  Chuuya sucked in a sharp breath as cold air hit his stomach. What was Mori doing?

He tried to move his lips to form words but it was no good. He could feel his pulse rocketing in his throat and his breath came in short gasps. 

Don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic.

“You know I could do anything I wanted to you right now right? To you or to Dazai or to your precious siblings and you wouldn’t be able to raise a fucking finger. Does that scare you Chuuya?”

More than anything in the world. 

Tears were trailing down Chuuya’s face before he noticed they were there. What was he going to do? What could he do? He couldn’t move, he couldn't stop this and Mori was in control. Mori who had broken Dazai. Who Chuuya let hurt Dazai.

This is all your fault.

You always fuck everything up Chuuya.

Mori rested the scalpel just below Chuuya’s sternum. 

“I could even cut your organs out right now. How do you think you would be able to function knowing that I removed one of your kidneys? Or just took a few chunks of your lungs or stomach or liver? A few scraps of bone for my collection?”

Is this what victims in horror movies felt like? Chuuya fucking hated horror movies. He watched one and that was enough. Just the sheer panic of the victims knowing they could never escape. Nausea bubbled up in Chuuya and his stomach heaved. A headache was building behind his eyes and he still couldn’t fucking move. 

“Here how about this…”

Mori made a long downward slash with his scalpel, creating a line from his sternum to his belly button. 

“I could open you up right now and leave you to bleed out while I cut Dazai’s life support and send the Black Lizard to take care of your siblings. You could lose everything in a heartbeat Chuuya. Tell me, how does that feel?” 

Chuuya wasn’t breathing. His mind was clouding over and he couldn’t see. Normally when this happened he would rock gently and listen to music and tried to ignore the crumbling thoughts. But now he couldn’t. Couldn’t move. The nausea was getting worse and Chuuya couldn’t handle this. 

Mori continued to talk, words stabbing at Chuuya as he made more random incisions that were surely going to scar. They weren't too deep but Chuuya still had the fear that Mori was going to plunge his hand into Chuuya and start ripping out organs then he would be a useless mess. 

This is why Dazai wanted to die. Chuuya understood it now. He couldn’t handle what was happening. His brain was short circuiting and he physically couldn’t handle it. How was he going to get out of this? How would he move on after this?

Besides with the drug he didn’t even feel like himself anymore. Like he was slipping away from his body. He didn’t particularly like himself but he needed to at least feel safe in his own skin.

Chuuya just prayed this would end. That someday he would be able to breathe again. That he would feel like himself again. That he could be fine again.

“Well my dear that was fun,” purred Mori, pulling off his white gloves that were stained red from Chuuya’s blood. Mori stepped back and without him holding the red-head there, Chuuya fell hard to the floor. 

The jolt did it. 

Anything that was in his stomach came up. His limbs moved sluggishly to clutch his aching stomach as he threw up again and again until he was resigned to dry heaving. He still couldn’t breath, between the fact that his heart rate refused to slow and gasping for air around heaves he just couldn’t. 

Mori leaned over and whispered into Chuuya’s ear. 

“I raised Osamu. I made him just like me. The more time you spend around him the more you will see he is exactly like me. If you want to hang around this place any longer I swear that this will happen again but next time you lose something dear to you.” Mori dug his fingers into one of the long cuts on Chuuya’s abdomen. “Let these be a reminder of that.”

Mori walked for the door waving a careless hand.

“Take the rest of the day off Chuuya! Remember it is nothing personal.”

Then he slammed the door and left Chuuya, collapsed, sobbing, and gasping for air on the floor.

*******

Chuuya had no idea how he got home that night. No fucking clue. All he knew was that he had thrown on his spare hoodie that he kept in Dazai’s office and had Tachihara take him home.

Now he was crumpled in the bathtub, clothes on and faucet pouring water over him. Watered down red swirled down the drain and Chuuya couldn’t do anything but watch it. Everything Mori had said was like a broken record in his head, just repeating over and over. 

And what was he going to do now? Go back like nothing ever happened? What if this happened again? Mori said it would and Chuuya couldn’t handle this happening again. He just couldn’t. What if Dazai was the one to do it to him? Should he tell Dazai?

No he couldn’t. It would either worry Dazai or show his true colors and then he would hurt Chuuya. But soon he would hurt him anyway. 

Chuuya couldn’t deal with this right now. If he thought about it any longer he would start crying or screaming or both. So he gave up and let his eyes slam shut. 

Chapter Text

”CALL AN AMBULANCE!!!”

“What is wro-”

“HE’S DEAD OH MY GOD FIND THE PILL BOTTLE!!”

“Ryu just calm down a b-”

“HE'S FINALLY DONE IT!!!”

“DID YOU EVEN CHECK FOR A PULSE?”

Chuuya followed the voices out of a deep sleep he didn’t even realize he fell into. He blinked up at Ryu who was staring down at him, panicked. He was still wearing his coat and shoes, breathing harsh. 

In the doorway to the bathroom was Gin and Kyouka. Kyouka was pale as a ghost and Gin was worried but stern. Ryu let out a breath of relief.

“You're alive!”

“I was just taking a bath, jesus!” said Chuuya, unable to summon any anger. 

“Fully clothed??? And the drain isn’t even plugged, Chuuya!”

“Okay calm down please,” said Chuuya, rubbing his temples. The bathroom lights were too bright and Ryu’s voice was too loud. “I came home from work sick okay? Big deal.” Kouyou had once told him that it was a terrible but necessary skill to learn how to lie to people. People who said that they never lied and were always 100% with everybody were special people who one way or another were granted that right. Most people didn’t get such a luxury. 

Ryu opened his mouth but Gin dragged him away and shoved him out of the bathroom. She turned to Chuuya and grabbed a towel. He slowly, slowly, dragged himself up and took it. 

The water pouring out of the faucet had cooled to damn near freezing and Chuuya wondered how long he had been asleep for. It was good he hadn’t filled the tub otherwise he probably would have drowned himself (though would that be so bad?)

Chuuya shut the water off while Gin took Kyouka’s hand. Using the towel, he attempted to dry himself off, or at least get to the point where he wasn’t dripping water. Chuuya then walked into his adjoining bedroom and saw that someone had set out painkillers and a glass of water on the bedside table. He shut the door and took off his soaked sweatshirt. It took a moment for him to force his gaze to his chest and the proof that this nightmare actually happened. 

The fact that it wasn't so bad made it worse. The cuts were mostly clotted over or just slowly leaking blood. They weren’t deep or overly bloody even if at the time it felt like his organs were falling out and he himself was falling apart. 

Chuuya shook himself hard. He should be thankful that it wasn’t worse, not frustrated at himself for blowing it out of proportion. 

Even if they weren’t so bad, Chuuya figured he needed to treat them somehow. Unsure exactly how to treat them he grabbed the box of bandages from his bedside table, spread neosporin all over them, put three Band-Aids on each one (Which to be honest did nothing on the massive cuts) before calling it good. He was still exhausted and afraid if he was awake for too long then all his problems would come back full force.

Chuuya changed into the first comfortable thing he could find and flopped down in bed. It took minutes under the comforting weight of his blankets for him to fall back asleep.

*******

It was no exaggeration to say he spent days like this. Every morning for a week Chuuya called Tachihara at 8 o’clock and said he was sick and wasn’t coming in. Tachihara relayed the message to Mori who was fine with it and surprisingly would still pay him. Apparently Mori thought he had done enough. 

Or maybe it was part of another one of Mori’s fucked up schemes. Maybe Chuuya was still playing right into his hands. Maybe right now Chuuya was just making it worse for him and Dazai. And maybe this will end up causing Mori to kill his siblings. What if lying here got someone killed? What if getting up got someone killed? 

This is why Chuuya couldn’t move. Anytime his thoughts started forcing him into a panic (so whenever he was awake for more than a half hour) he would go back to sleep because then he wouldn’t have to think or worry at all. 

After his morning call to Tachihara, Gin would come in with more Tylenol and asked him how he was doing. Chuuya always answered honestly.

His head was pounding.

His body was aching

He did not tell her that everytime he thought about getting up made him throw up. He didn’t say that he was terrified out of his mind. He didn’t say that he kept waking up and realizing the nightmare was reality. 

And they bought it.  

Ryu came in later, mumbling an apology for over exaggerating. Gin didn’t question him too thoroughly. Kyouka came in bringing little things she made at school insisting they were talismans to fend off illness. He wondered where she learned the word talisman.

But as the week drew on everyone got more concerned. Tachihara started asking questions like did he need to go to the hospital or did he need help. At least Chuuya could hang up on him complaining about poor connection. Gin became harder and harder to shake, staying longer and longer each time, asking more questions. 

Chuuya just couldn’t bring himself to get up. 

He had only felt this bad one other time, when Kouyou died. But he had forced himself not to mourn because he couldn’t let her down. Sure that had probably impeded his ability to cope with her loss but at least he had still been functional. Now he was pitiful and weak and he didn’t see an end to this sickness. How long could he just lie here for? The answer seemed to be forever. 

Until he got a text from an unknown number. 

He’s awake .

Chapter Text

Chuuya should have gone in the second he got the text but of course, being the coward he was, he talked himself out of it. Mori might get pissed and keep him out or lash out at Dazai or his siblings.

(Chuuya knew that really he was just scared that Mori would hurt him again and he knew his mental state wouldn’t be able to handle another interaction like that.)

So, the next day Chuuya was out of bed even as his heart pounded from a nightmare that had something to do with Mori. He shoved away his nausea and forced himself to shower and dress, avoiding looking at his torso where the cuts were scarring. It didn’t matter what problems he had, he had to make sure Dazai woke up alright and was not trapped in that place with Mori. 

No matter what Mori said, Chuuya realized he couldn’t leave Dazai alone. Not when Mori could be lying about Dazai being “just like him”. Chuuya was sure Dazai was breaking through Mori’s conditioning. He would not end up like Mori.

Chuuya was shaken from his thoughts by Tachihara’s usual phone call.

“Not coming in today either? Man I gotta say whatever illness you have it must be-”

“I’m coming in. Can you pick me up or should I take the bus?”

For a moment all he got was static and shuffling.

“Uh yeah sure I’ll be there in ten.”

Chuuya stepped out of his bedroom for the first time in a week. He walked into the kitchen to see Ryu madly scribbling something down. Chuuya laughed, knowing it was likely a homework assignment due in a half an hour. Gin looked up at him.

“Fucking finally.” 

Chuuya froze. A tiny voice in his brain knew he should berate her for swearing(it’s what Kouyou would have done) but instead he stared at her, confused.

“W-what do you mean?”

“I was wondering how long you were going to let yourself do nothing,” said Gin, handing him a mug of coffee. “I had a bet you wouldn’t last a day without going into work and muscling through whatever you had.”

Chuuya downed the coffee in one gulp hoping it would settle his stomach and get him to wake up.

“Hmm, “ he said, before going to sink into the couch. Gin seemed a little confused at his lack of response but he couldn’t summon the energy at the moment. 

They left a bit after, shouting a goodbye. Chuuya waved and continued to stare at his empty cup. He prayed that he wouldn’t lose the guts to go in. 

A message popped up from Tachihara and Chuuya made his way downstairs, taking great care to rinse out the glass and make sure all the lights in the apartment were out. Delaying the inevitable was pointless but at least slowing down a bit soothed him.

Chuuya walked out the front door to see Tachihara’s sleek black car pulled expertly up to the curb. Tachihara shouted a greeting and waved.

“I was wondering how long you were going to stay out for. I had to go run missions while you were out,” Tachihara faked a gag while Chuuya clammered in. Tachihara pulled away from the curb, turning his music down. “What were you down with anyway?”

Full on mental collapse.

“I’m not sure,” said Chuuya. “But it was hell to even get up. I haven’t been sick like that in a while.” It was so much easier to talk about it like it happened to someone else and ignore the cause of it. 

“Well now you're back.” Tachihara scrutinized him from the corner of his eye. “You still look pretty bad.”

“Ouch!” snapped Chuuya. It was true though. He still had those hideous bags on his eyes and lost a lot of weight in that week. 

“Hey I’m just saying! What are friends for, other than to tell you, you look terrible. You want to stop for coffee?”

“No, I already had some this morning. If I have any more I’ll start vibrating,” said Chuuya. His stomach was tightening into knots already; he didn't want to put anything else in it. “Anyway catch me up on The Wonderful Life of Tachihara.”

Tachihara grinned and launched into another one of his stories. Chuuya let his mind get lost in the tale and didn’t even realize they had arrived. 

“I believe this is your stop. Or do you not recognize it after all this time?” he joked. Chuuya attempted a smile and got out, tipping his hat. 

The Port Mafia building looked different now. Every single agent dressed in black seemed scarier, more sinister. The sun cut through the windows too harshly. The floor tiles glinted gratingly. 

Or maybe you have just lost your damn mind, Chuuya thought to himself. 

Chuuya got in the elevator, popping in an earbud trying to calm his nerves. When it dinged for his stop, Chuuya got off and walked toward Dazai’s office, ignoring the painful throbbing of his heart. 

He got about ten feet away before he couldn’t take another step. Chuuya tried to force his feet to move forward but they wouldn’t. He couldn’t wipe the image of Mori standing behind Dazai’s desk. He was sure that is what he would see if he went in. Every fiber of his being was screaming to run but he knew that wasn’t the answer. This spinning train of thought kept him firmly in place as the minutes dragged on and on….

“CHIIIIIIBBBBBIIIIIII!” 

Chuuya’s daze broke and he turned to see Dazai racing at him, dragging an IV bag. He looked pretty good for someone who tried to take his own life. The only thing was there were dark circles under his eyes and his skin clung a little tighter to his bones.

Just like Chuuya.

“Chibi!” said Dazai again, stopping right in front of him. “I heard you were sick too! You look sick.”

“HA?” demanded Chuuya. “Have you looked in the mirror recently, Mackerel?”

“No, because I don’t need to adjust my hat every four seconds.”

Chuuya grabbed him by the front of his hospital gown. 

“I don’t care if you were on your deathbed a week ago. I will still toss you through a fucking wall.”

Dazai closed his eyes and smiled. 

“Okay chibi! It would be a much greater pleasure to die at your hand rather than my own.” He opened one eye a slit to look at Chuuya. “You almost look like a beautiful woman from this angle. I would prefer to die at the hands of beautiful women but I can at least pretend you are.”

Chuuya scoffed and let go. Dazai bounded forward and shoved open the big wooden doors to his office. Chuuya flinched as they thudded against the wall. Dazai threw himself into his desk chair and began to spin, almost tearing out his IV.

“Oh so good to be out of the hospital!” he said brightly. He then cupped his hands dramatically. “Come on Chibiiiiiiiii.” 

Chuuya took a few tentative steps forward until he was over the threshold. A few more steps later he was in front of Dazai’s desk. The desk. Chuuya felt bile rising in his throat and he tried to swallow it back.

“Chibi?” asked Dazai, voice a little concerned. “Chibi are you alright? You look like you are going to be sick.” 

He can’t know.

He can’t know.

He can’t know.

Chuuya swallowed definitely.

“Ah sorry. Still feel a little off. I think I need to sit down,” he said. He didn’t throw in a smile at the end of the statement because that would just unnerve Dazai more.

He crumpled into his chair at the desk, across from Dazai. The red-head stared down at the polished wood. He had slept nearly 12 hours and was still feeling more exhausted than ever. 

Chuuya needed something to focus on. Something for his mind to do and a way to be productive. Dazai didn’t seem interested in talking about what happened and Chuuya didn’t want to press the matter, especially not right now. So maybe they could just pretend nothing happened and everything was fine.   He still wasn’t sure if being with Dazai was a good thing or a bad thing quite yet. 

Chuuya was getting too trapped in his own head. He was just about to ask Dazai what he would be doing that day when the brunette’s voice cut through the air.

“Alright Chuuya,” said Dazai, sitting at his desk, fingers steepled. “Pay attention.” 

Chuuya’s heart leapt into his throat at the harshness of his tone. He knew it was likely Dazai pulling his leg but he couldn’t help it. It sounded like Dazai was angry with him. The tone had him jumping to his feet.

“What? What happened? D-did I do something wrong?”

Dazai quirke d an eyebrow and dropped his hands. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah sorry,” said Chuuya. He sat down, but his chair was back enough so that he could run easily. “What’s up?”

“Today we are going to actually put you to work. Now that that mess is cleaned I need your help writing up mission reports.”

“But don’t other people do that?” asked Chuuya.

“Yes but we have to go through and fact check them all. I will also have you be the one to take notes on official meetings for our record keeping as well as write up transaction receipts for all the mafia deals.”

“Sounds good.” 

So Dazai shoved Chuuya out of his chair and dragged it from the other side of the desk to his side. Chuuya sat down, staring at the brunette questioningly. Together they worked through a list of documents to write up. Dazai showed him the specifics on how to do each one. Chuuya learned quickly and was soo filling out information while Dazai spun around in his chair, rattling off said information. 

Every now and then Chuuya would pause to think for a moment and his brain would wander away, thinking of the scars embedded in torso. Or he would zone out while working only to note that Dazai was leaning over his shoulder. Chuuya would jump thinking about what Mori said.

“I raised Osamu. I made him just like me. The more time you spend around him the more you will see he is exactly like me. If you want to hang around this place any longer I swear that this will happen again but next time you lose something dear to you”

“Done,” said Chuuya, slapping down the last sheet with gusto. Dazai stopped spinned and glanced over at them.

“Is that it?” asked Chuuya, flipping through the reports.

“I think so but do you need to talk? You seem different?”

It’s just the first time I’m back in this room and my fight or flight response is currently kicking my ass but other than that I’m good. 

“It’s nothing,” said Chuuya. “I should probably go put all this stuff up.”

He ducked into the vault. A lot of new reports had come in, while they were both MIA and Chuuya could not be more thankful for the distraction. He took his time working through the files, making sure they went in their proper places and remembering where everything went, trying to get lost in his work. And it worked.

A little too well.

The vault door shoved open a few minutes later and Chuuya nearly jumped out of his skin. He clambered to the back of the vault and stared at the entrance. Dazai was there staring at him curiously. 

“Seriously Chuuya are you alright?”

“Yes I’m fine just leave me alone!” he shouted. Dazai recoiled and Chuuya kicked himself internally. “Sorry I didn’t mean for it to come out like that. It’s just been a rough week okay?”

“Yeah I understand chibi. I’m sorry for putting all this pressure on you.”

Oh. 

Dazai thought Chuuya was still on edge after his suicide attempt. Chuuya felt bad instantly. He should have been fretting over his friend who tried to kill himself instead of over something stupid. 

(Not that he wasn’t worried about Dazai on top of that but he could only be trapped in fight or flight about one thing at a time.)

“Yeah no I’m glad you're okay.” At least that was true. Chuuya felt like he was playing a game of how much small truths can I give to keep him from uncovering the big truth. “Anyway, what do you need?”

Dazai paused for a moment. “Nothing Chuuya.”

He turned and left. Chuuya instantly felt bad. He wanted something but had deemed Chuuya not enough. Chuuya sighed and filed away the last few things before returning to the main room.

“Good job Chuuuuuuyaaaaaa,” he said brightly, though it seemed like a false brightness. “And just in time too.”

Chuuya glanced at his watch and saw that it was almost 2. Thank god. He had barely even thought about…. That all day. (Or at least that is what he told himself).

“Alright then. I have a bunch of stuff for classes to do so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Dazai nodded and waved as he left.

Chuuya didn’t realize he was holding in breath until he stepped out the mafia doors.

Chapter Text

The night Chuuya couldn’t sleep. He pulled out his phone and clicked Dazai’s contact.

Chuuya: Hey, what were you going to ask today?

He didn’t expect Dazai to respond right away but he did.

Dazai: It’s nothing, Chuuya. 

 Chuuya: Well it was obviously something. 

I was going to do something but you looked really sick. 

Chuuya: It was nothing.

Chuuya could practically feel Dazai rolling his eyes behind the screen.

Chuuya: Okay it was something but I swear I’m better now. We can do whatever you like tomorrow. 

Dazai: Don’t you mean today, chibi?

Dazai: :3

“Fucker,” muttered Chuuya. He grabbed the bottle of melatonin supplements(something he grabbed at the store mainly as a joke but now that he knows they work is now very thankful for them.) and took two before passing out. 

*******

The next morning, Chuuya fell back into his routine and was soon enough standing by Dazai’s desk. They dealt with a few small paperwork matters and a brief meeting with Hirotsu. 

“They have moved their base again,” finished the old man. 

He watched carefully as Dazai steepled his fingers on the desk, looking quite a bit like Mori. Hirotsu had explained the details of a recent skirmish, all the while Chuuya was frantically filling out a status report for it. It did make him feel a lot like a secretary. 

“Good. Send a team to raid their old one and report back to me with anything you can find. I’ll be able to figure out their numbers and capabilities so then we can launch a full scale attack.”

“Yes sir,” said Hirotsu. He left with a short bow. 

As soon as the door shut Dazai flopped across his desk.

“Chuuuuuuuyyyaaaa,” he whined. “Did you get all that? I don’t wanna repeat it.”

“I think I got it all,” said Chuuya promptly. “You know you would be a lot scarier if you didn’t act like a two-year-old all the time.”

“Probably but to be fair you are the only one who sees me act two.”

“It is a weird state of vulnerability. I'll give you that,” said Chuuya, leaving to tuck the file away in the vault. He returned a minute later to see Dazai sitting bolt upright.

“Anyway I was going to ask if you wanted to go out for lunch.”

“What?”

“Yesterday,” said Dazai, waving an impatient hand. He was really good at jumping from topic to topic and throwing Chuuya off guard. “You asked what I was going to do and I wanted to go out for lunch. So if you are better today that would be excellent.”

He was better today. 

I mean seeing Dazai act like Mori wasn’t exactly the most pleasant experience but it didn’t matter, not really. He felt fine at the moment but the sort of fine that if one thing were to happen he would fall apart, so in the end was it really fine? How long could he keep up this feeling of normalcy? It was a risk going somewhere new but-

“Sure where you want to go?”

-anything to get out of this damn building.

Dazai clapped his hands together and raced out. Chuuya bolted the door and followed after him, sighing. Chuuya ducked into the elevator with Dazai, just before the doors closed. 

“You never told me where we are going,” said Chuuya. 

“It’s a surprise!” said Dazai brightly. Chuuya sighed but nodded and jammed an earbud in. Dazai snatched up the other one and popped it into his ear. 

“What do you think you are doing?” asked Chuuya.

“Listening to music with you.”

“But this is personal!”

“Well that’s only a fair trade on where we are going.”

Chuuya sighed and clicked through his playlist, trying to find a song he wouldn’t mind sharing. He set up a playlist of songs he was okay with Dazai listening to and played it. 

They stepped out of the mafia building and walked outside. The sun was hidden behind clouds and a light breeze was coming off the ocean. Pulling out the earbuds was the smartest thing Chuuya had done all day because Dazai didn’t try to strike up a conversation, just listened carefully. Holding conversations was really hard with people especially when things felt weird.

Dazai stopped suddenly and Chuuya crashed into him, yanking the earbuds out.

“The hell?! You could at least warn me-” Chuuya broke off seeing Dazai’s face. He paused a beat, trying to figure out exactly what his expression meant.

“While I was holed up in the hospital I was thinking about how much I wanted to take you here,” he said softly. 

“Yeah?” said Chuuya, trying to be encouraging.

“This is where Oda’s orphans lived. He gave money to the store owner to let them stay upstairs. The owner always made really good curry.” 

Dazai looked through the glass door inside. It was styled like a diner with booths and a bar around the kitchen. Dazai cleared his throat.

“They remodeled it and someone new took over but I still wanted to come here.”

“Okay,” said Chuuya. He couldn’t seem to find a better response. 

He pocketed his phone and earbuds while Dazai pushed the door open. They sat down in a booth and a waitress came over taking drink orders. Chuuya ordered for himself and, after staring at Dazai for several agonizing minutes, ordered a drink for Dazai too. 

The brunette was staring around the diner no doubt reliving old memories. He seemed determined to take in the whole diner and commit it to memory. 

The waitress came back with their drinks and Dazai’s head snapped to her.

“Do you have curry?” asked Dazai. 

“Yup,” she said.

“I need the spiciest curry you have available,” he demanded. 

“Alright got it,” she said. “I’ll be back with it soon.”

“I thought you didn’t like spicy things?” asked Chuuya, remembering when they had the thai food and how Dazai had whined for damn near thirty minutes when something he tasted was “too hot” and “going to melt away his face” and “how dare slug try to kill him in such a manner.”

“I don’t but it isn’t curry if it isn’t spicy,” said Dazai as if reciting an old book. 

The lady came back and set the bowl down. She asked Chuuya what he wanted but he said he was good with his drink. They were interrupted by Dazai shouting and chugging his drink.

“JESUS CHRIST!” shouted Chuuya, as Dazai wiped his watering eyes. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”

Dazai took a moment before responding.

“It is really spicy,” he said plainly.

“Well duh,” said Chuuya. He apologized to the waitress who walked off looking shaken. “You asked for spicy curry.”

Dazai scooped a bit more into his mouth. He was able to tone his reaction down a bit but everyone was still staring at him. He took another bite and snatched at Chuuya’s drink. 

“Okay stop stop stop,” said Chuuya, snatching the spoon from him. “You are obviously not enjoying this. What are you doing?”

“It’s what Odasaku always ate here,” said Dazai. “I’m going to eat this whole thing in his honor.” Chuuya gave him a look. “I’ve been feeling very sentimental since the accident, right? Thinking about him a lot.”

Chuuya leaned back and nodded. He went up to the counter and ordered the same as Dazai. He took the bowl back to the table and sat down across from him.

“And you're not going to do it alone,” said Chuuya, grabbing his spoon. Feeling incredibly cheesy, he raised it up. “To Odasaku.” After a moment Dazai clinked his spoon against Chuuya’s and they dug in. 

Chuuya had been in fights before but never one that lasted this long. Every bite was terrible and the portion was so big he was sure he would never finish. But the strange combination of Dazai’s whining and the strange looks people were giving them kept Chuuya going. And even if Dazai was screeching at the top of his lungs he seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, watery eyes and all.

Two hours later the bowls were empty. They had a dozen empty drink cups scattered all over the table and even an empty plate of rolls. Dazai sat back smiling. 

“Thanks for taking this seriously Chibi.”

“You better be thankful!” Chuuya snapped. “I’m pretty sure that just burned a hole through my stomach.”

Dazai laughed and after a minute Chuuya did too. And they just kept laughing and laughing for a while. 

They paid the check and stepped outside. Chuuya checked his watch.

“Ah shit the kids get home from school soon,” he said. “I should probably get back so Ryu doesn’t freak out again.”

“When did he freak out?” asked Dazai.

“The day I got sick I came home and passed out in the bathtub. He almost had an ambulance on the way.” Dazai snorted and Chuuya smacked him, but it had no real anger behind it. The story was funnier now that he wasn’t living it. “My apartment is a few blocks away. I'm going to walk back. If that’s alright with you?”

“Yeah that’s fine Chibi. Text me when you get home safe!”

“You too,” said Chuuya. 

Dazai leaned down and pressed a small kiss against his cheek. Chuuya felt himself shudder slightly and Dazai noticed it too.

“Are we still doing that?” asked Dazai, concern bathing his voice. With everything that happened they never really followed up on whatever the fuck was happening between them. Add that to the list of shit Chuuya didn’t want to deal with but probably would. At least kissing Dazai was enjoyable to say the least and whatever physical intimacy thing they had going on was really comforting. Chuuya prayed it could last and that he wouldn’t mess it up.

“Yeah,” said Chuuya, pressing a kiss to Dazai’s hand. He forced Mori’s voice out of his head. He was not going to let that bastard ruin this for him. Dazai would never hurt him. “Yeah we are still doing that. It’s just been a minute.”

“And you know you can tell me if I make you uncomfortable right?” said Dazai in that special, soft voice he used.  

“Yup,” said Chuuya. “And the same goes for you.”

Dazai smiled and pressed another kiss to his other cheek. Then he bounded away waving back at Chuuya. Grinning after him, Chuuya waited for him to round the block before heading for his apartment. 

See? He told himself. Everything is going to be fine. We can move on.

Chuuya popped his earbuds in again and strangely enough, a love song came on. 

Chapter Text

Even if he had determined that Dazai was still Dazai and Mori had been lying about Dazai being just as cruel as him, it was still brutal. 

An entire week passed and Chuuya couldn’t relax. Everything he did made him worry about thousands of outcomes and how to deal with the worst one. Dazai brought it up a few times that he seemed a little more on edge than usual but Chuuya wouldn’t explain it. He had to keep this a secret, even as the thought of Mori ate at him. 

To counter Dazai’s worry he tried to act normal. He spent every night obsessing over things he might have done out of character and fixing them the next day. 

But other than that things were good. Him and Dazai fell back into their usual patterns and banter. Eventually Chuuya stopped cringing every time he stepped into Dazai’s office and Dazai continued to ask for his ‘favors’. 

They went back to the park and Dazai tried another flavor of crepe, this time with a bit more chocolate and a bit less sugar. 

Another day they went back to the diner. The best part of that was: the minute they stepped inside the waitress from the day they first came groaned. Dazai started nudging Chuuya incessantly and started talking about how they were famous in the diner now. 

Every one of their trips ended with a short kiss. Sometimes Dazai would wrap his arms around Chuuya, pulling him closer. Chuuya would try to stop the tremors that wracked through his body, reminding himself that this was Dazai. Dazai who cared about him. Dazai who had shared a bunch of personal stuff about his past. Dazai who wouldn’t hurt him

Chuuya told himself that the sweet touches got easier and easier but it was just another lie. 

One day Chuuya was sifting through papers as usual, trying to find a good spot for notes he took during a meeting among the executives. You’d think with all the time he spent in the vault he could remember how he had organized everything.

Dazai’s sharp voice cut through the room. “You really need to check your texts Chuuya! Or turn your ringer on!” 

Chuuya checked his phone, rolling his eyes. There were no missed messages. Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Chuuya continued. Dazai was probably playing stupid games. 

Ten minutes later the door to Dazai’s office opened with a bang. Chuuya jumped a mile, making himself small in the corner of the vault. 

It’s fine, It’s fine, It’s fine, It’sfineit’sfineit’sfineit’sfine.

His thoughts stilled long enough to recognize the shouting voice.

“-UCK DID YOU DO TO HIM?”

Chuuyra raced out of the vault to see Ryuunsuke gripping Dazai by the shirt, pinning him to the wall. The guards outside of Dazai’s office came barging in, safeties clicking off their weapons. Dazai waved a hand at them, eyes not leaving Ryu’s face. The guards reluctantly lowered their weapons;

“What do you mean?”

“YOU SPEND ALL FUCKING DAY WITH HIM? HAVE YOU NOT NOTICED ANYTHING DIFFERENT??”

Dazai didn’t respond and Chuuya felt his pulse skyrocketing. 

“Ryu, what are you doing here?” Chuuya’s voice came out softer than he intended but Ryu heard all the same.

Ryu took his eyes off his prey for a moment. 

“If you won’t talk I will make him.”

Dazai laughed at this like he just couldn’t help it and Ryu slammed him into the wall again. 

“Ryu put him down.”

“Why?”

“Because we are going to talk this out like civilized people.” Chuuya tried to adapt Kouyou’s sweet but firm voice.  Ryu glared at Dazai a moment longer before letting him go. “What is wrong?”

“You’ve changed,” he spat. “After you got sick you changed. The fact that you took a week off is weird enough as is but after.” Ryu’s cheeks went slightly red as they always did when he started showing emotion. “You are really jumpy now. Freaking out at any small noise. And you don’t really eat anymore. Not that you did a lot before but…” Ryu trailed off before shaking his head. “And you’ve been going through painkillers and sleeping pills like crazy. The only thing that changed as of late was him.”

Chuuya swallowed back his panic. He lied this long so he can just keep doing it. No one has to know. What lie to use though?

“I-I…”

“It is my fault,” chirped Dazai. “He got sick because I tried to kill myself. Chibi cares too much about me for his own good.”

Chuuya let out a breath.

“Yeah. It just shook me for some reason,” said Chuuya with a shrug, that he hoped came off as more natural than it felt. Ryu stared at him for a moment. Chuuya felt cold sweat drip down his neck.

Please believe me please believe me please believe me.

Ryu whirled on Dazai. 

“Don’t pull shit like that again, got it? If you have a shred of respect for Chuuya, don't do that again.” Dazai nodded with a smile.

“Yes sir!”

“Now you have to go back to school,” interjected Chuuya. He stepped forward trying to herd Ryu to the door. “Skipping class for this Mackerel really?”

“It’s the only time I knew he would be here,” deadpanned Akutagawa. He was still glaring at Dazai but the emotion that so rarely flooded his face was gone. “But yeah I’ll get back now. Flynn doesn’t even notice when he is talking to an empty classroom. “

“Still… Don’t skip school?” 

Damn he was bad at this parenting shit. He would have done the same thing and it wouldn’t have been to make sure his brother was okay. Hell, he would have blown off school because his favorite show got canceled.

“Okay,” said Ryu. He shot Dazai one more glare before shoving his way through the guards at the doorway. 

Chuuya let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

“How did he even get up here?” asked Chuuya. “Don’t you have security or something?”

“He was texting me like crazy though I’m not sure how he got my number-”

“He liked hacking my phone,” supplemented Chuuya.

“It was sort of nonsense but I assumed he couldn’t get a hold of you and freaked out. When you seemed to ignore my request to check your phone I figured letting him see you were okay was the best response so security let him up.” Dazai shrugged nonchalantly. “I guess they didn’t realize he was going to try to kill me.” 

“Chuuya nodded.

“That makes sense.”

“Of course it does,” grinned Dazai. “I am of course the best of the best.”

“Oh I’m sorry,” drawled Chuuya. “But I have to go now. There isn’t enough room for the two of us and your ego.”

The red-head walked back to the vault. He tried to get his thoughts to settle as he went to file away his latest mission report. New footsteps sounded from Dazai’s office and someone started speaking. 

“What was Ozaki Ryuunsuke doing here?”

Chuuya’s blood turned to ice in his veins. He knew that voice. He knew that voice and if he had it his way he would never hear it again. 

“He came with some concerns about Chuuya’s health. Apparently he had been out of sorts since I last tried to kill myself,” said Dazai loftily. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about this would you?”

“No,” Mori matched his tone with tactful indifference. “Except that he seems very taken with you.”

“Were you gathering evidence about that while I was strapped down to your hospital bed? I happened to notice you took some things from my desk and retrieved my necklace.”

“He told me they were meaningless trinkets.” As terrified as Chuuya was, he wanted to put his fist in Mori’s face. Mori knew damn well that Chuuya said that to distract him from the truth.

“Yeah well we both know that was a lie.”

Thank god, thought Chuuya.

“Well I think they are meaningless trinkets and that you do not need them. ”

Dazai didn’t back down from Mori’s harsh tone. 

“Well I think that you can’t tell me what I do and don’t need.”

“You don’t want the same thing that happened to Oda Sakunoske to happen to Chuuya do you?”

“Give me my stuff back and get the fuck out of my office!” demanded Dazai. Chuuya could practically see Mori’s smirk.

“If that’s what you want. But will you feel the same way when you learn that he is hiding something from you?”

Chuuya’s body was shaking. Dazai wouldn’t believe him right? Right??

Footsteps retreated from the desk and the big door slammed shut. Dazai’s head poked around the vault door to see Chuuya curled up in the corner, still. Another lie was on his lips when Dazai cut him off.

“I think we need to talk, Chibi.”

Chuuya’s throat closed up.

“T-talk about what?”

Dazai didn’t respond for a minute and just stepped forward. The brunette came to one knee in front of Chuuya. He leaned in close to Chuuya’s face. But it wasn’t like before. This felt invasive. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that his eyes were cold and hard like precious stones.

“About my father,” said Dazai, voice low. Chuuya could feel his throat closing up. Dazai reached out and Chuuya recoiled. This was wrong. But for once Dazai didn't stop. His hand gripped Chuuya’s upper arm, pinching it slightly. 

“What about him?” Chuuya swallowed harshly, trying to stay calm. Dazai wasn’t like his dad. He wouldn’t hurt Chuuya.

Osamu is just like me.

“I know you haven’t been lying to me right?” asked Dazai, voice growing dark and dangerous. “Because if you were, I would get mad. And you don’t want me mad, especially when I control you.”

I control you.

Any unrestrained panic was released. Chuuya kicked out at Dazai, feet connecting with ribs. Dazai flew back with a grunt and Chuuya ran for the door. 

It was locked

Dazai must have shut the door and it was locked from the outside. 

Panic welled in Chuuya’s throat and he couldn’t force it down. Chuuya began to pound on the door. 

“LET ME OUT!!” he screamed, voice cracking. “PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME OUT!!!!”

Dazai was going to hurt him. Dazai was going to hurt his siblings. Dazai was finally going to reveal his true colors as Mori’s son. And Chuuya wouldn’t be able to move. 

“SOMEONE! ANYONE!!!” Tears welled in his throat. Chuuya’s knees buckled even as he continued to pound. “PLEASE LET ME OUT!!! LET….l-l-let… me out.” His voice was failing and he could scarcely see. His breathing wouldn’t slow. He was just losing it. Chuuya crumpled to his knees, clawing at his throat as if that would open his lungs. The world was growing darker as he crumpled to the floor.

“Help…” he whispered. Dazai’s face appeared above him and more tears slipped down Chuuya’s face. “Don’t don’t ple-please.”

The world faded away and Chuuya couldn’t be more relieved. Now at least he wouldn’t have to sit through Dazai’s abuse. 

Chapter Text

“-uya!! Chuuya can you hear me?” 

Chuuya blinked rapidly, staring up at the bright lights of the vault. Something moved to block the light and Chuuya could see the stupid Mackerels face.

“Chuuya say something!”

“Something,” slurred Chuuya. Dazai let out a breath and leaned back on his heels. Chuuya forced himself to his elbows, head spinning wildly. 

“Be careful,” insisted Dazai, worriedly. “I don’t want you to pass out again. Do you remember what happened?”

Not particularly. 

I mean how did he end up in the vault? And why was it locked?( It had an automatic electronic lock when the door was shut but it was reinforced by a manual one from the outside.) And why was Dazai here? And why did he pass out?

Chuuya slumped back down to the floor and Dazai jumped, letting out a shout of concern.

“Are you okay??” the brunette practically shrieked. It would have been funny if the world wasn’t wobbling.

“Mmm-fine. Dizzy…”

“I would get you some water but….” Dazai trailed off. “We are sort of stuck and I don’t have bars. Someone will come for us eventually though so don’t panic. Just breathe.”

“What happened?” demanded Chuuya, trying to force himself to sit. Dazai didn’t reach out to help. In fact he moved about as far away from Chuuya as possible in this small space.

“Maybe we should wait until you are a little more clear-”

“What happened, Dazai?”

Chuuya could tell Dazai had looked away. He was probably staring at the bandages wrapped around his arm. Maybe fiddling with his nails like he did when he was really anxious. 

“I was conducting a…. A test of sorts. Except I didn’t expect the result.”

“What was the result?”

“You having a panic attack and hyperventilating before passing out.”

Chuuya paused. That made more sense then he would like. It had happened a few times before where he couldn’t get a full breath of air and got lightheaded. The worst times his view got blackish. Never this bad though.

“What was the experiment?”

“Well,” started Dazai, voice halting. “I thought you were keeping something from me but if I asked you would continue to lie to my face. So I….I….”

“You what Dazai?” Chuuya finally got himself into a sitting position without throwing up. The brunette still wouldn’t look at him. Chuuya cursed his foggy memory. What exactly had Dazai that made him feel so bad? Chuuya thought back to Mori and his scalpel and swallowed. He didn’t do anything like that right?

Chuuya tried to think if he was in more pain than normal or catch sight of any blood but he couldn’t. “Listen I’m sure whatever it was it’s fine so just tell me.”

“I wanted to know if Mori cut you up and threatened you like he does to me, alright?” blurted out Dazai

They both froze. 

A beat passed.

Then two. 

Chuuya blinked. 

Dazai stared at his hands. 

“He what?” growled Chuuya. 

“I’m not repeating that.”

Chuuya’s hands began to shake. Anytime he thought of Mori all he could remember was his panic, so much so that anytime the raven-haired man crossed his mind he could scarcely breathe. But thinking of him doing that Dazai… Especially because he acted as Dazai’s “dad”. Having to put up with that abuse for years was unimaginable. 

“Are you alright?” asked Chuuya, scooting closer to Dazai. Dazai wouldn’t meet his eyes and just fiddled with the end of the bandages on his wrist.

“I think it’s funny,” said Dazai with a humorless laugh. “That I forced you in a panic attack and you are asking how I am.”

“Well you were right I wouldn’t have told you the truth so you had every right-”

“Chuuya stop,” sighed Dazai. He glared at Chuuya but he looked more tired than angry. “You need to stop making excuses for people to hurt you. No matter what you think you did deserve.”

“I’ve never-”

“You said it was your fault that Higuchi fired you because you weren’t doing enough even though you obviously were. You said it was your fault everytime Kunikida made you work a double shift on weekends. You said it was your fault that you got kicked out of your house. You place blame on yourself always and always assume you need to be doing better and it’s not.” Dazai took a breath before continuing. “It was my fault. I played a dirty trick and you almost stopped breathing. It is no one's fault but my own and I’m sorry for doing that.”

“But-”

“No buts Chuuya jesus!” Dazai laughed, the sound sharp, almost angry. “If the world blew up today you would find some way to blame it on yourself. Let me ask you something. Do you blame yourself for what Mori did to you?”

Chuuya thought for a long moment.

“Yes.”

“See-”

“But I’d go through it again,” interrupted Chuuya. “It was my fault but even if it wasn’t I’d go through it again.”

Dazai stared at him for a minute.

“You almost stopped brea-” he murmured, frustrated. “If you don’t mind me asking, why?”

“Because better me than you,” said Chuuya, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“What do you mean better me than you?” asked Dazai. 

“Well he said that he was doing this to get back at you. It seemed like abusing you wasn’t working anymore so he decided to hurt me to get you to cooperate.”

Chuuya realized the weight of his words when Dazai whirled to face him, eyes blazing. And it was true. Mori was taking his anger out on Chuuya trying to affect Dazai. As long as he didn’t hurt Dazai then Chuuya would do it again. Even if his blood boiled at the thought he knew that if it was a choice between himself and Dazai to be hurt he would always pick himself.

“What did he say exactly?”

“H-he…” stammered 

“Come on Chuuya, no more secrets,” urged Dazai. “In this together right?” 

Chuuya took in a deep breath and nodded. “He was talking about teaching you a lesson and how hurting me would somehow get to you.” Chuuya squeezed the brunettes hand. “But don’t be like blaming yourself or some shit, he’s an asshole and-”

“Oh no I get that,” said Dazai, teeth grinding. “Because he pulled the same shit. My suicide attempt? Wasn’t actually an attempt. Yes I’m suicidal but Mori was the one who slashed my wrists this time. “ He raked a hand through his brown curls. “He wanted to make me look unstable, more so than I already do. That way you would run away screaming. But when you just seemed to be more concerned he tried to scare you away. Plus he knew that I would want to push you away to keep you safe after I found out.” He chuckled lightly and Chuuya got the impression Dazai was mostly talking to himself. “Smart bastard.”

There were so many things he wanted to ask about but now was probably not the time to try to unpack .... all of that. It was fine as soon as they weren't locked in a closet with the fear of Mori hanging above them, Chuuya would get answers.

“So what are we going to do?” asked Chuuya.

“Well he won’t stop even now we know. Because he knows that it doesn’t matter if we recognize his strategies or not, he is still a threat. It is a very real possibility that he will just get more and more violent and determined. Someone is going to get seriously hurt.”

“Ryuunnsuke, Gin, and Kyouka,” said Chuuya, heart clenching.

“Yes. They will be the first to go,” muttered Dazai, grimly. “So we have to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“I don’t know if I can just leave you to him though Dazai. I need to protect my siblings with my life but just leave you alone…”

“Unless you don’t have too…” said Dazai. “Unless Mori finds himself in an early grave….”

“What?”

“Oi hope you aren’t doing suspicious things in there!”

The lock clicked and Tachihara pulled the door open. Dazai immediately grinned up at the other red head in his unnerving way. Tachihara took a step back from them, looking uncomfortable under Dazai’s scrutiny.

“Nope, just a friendly conversation. Thank you dearly for saving us.” Dazai had a way of talking in which he was so positive you weren’t sure if he was being sarcastic or not. “Now what did you need?”

“Mori-san had me bring over some medical reports.”

Chuuya and Dazai exchanged a look. Mori always seemed to be two steps ahead. 

“Thank you Tachihara-kun, you're free to go!” No matter how energetic he sounded it was clearly a command. Tachihara bowed and left, leaving the reports on Dazai’s desk.

“What were you saying?” asked Chuuya.

“Nothing at all dear Chibi.” Dazai stood up and pulled his gun from his holster. Chuuya stumbled after him as Dazai walked toward Mori’s office.

“Are you going to… y’know?” asked Chuuya trying to keep the panic out of his voice. “Won’t he be expecting it?”

“I am going to,” said Dazai calmly. “And no, he expects me to have a plan, he raised me. My best chance is now.”

“But… but… then you will be a murderer. The port mafia will rebel against you!”

“I am already a murderer Chuuya and no they won’t. They respect power and if I kill Mori I will have it. Besides, I have been trained to run the mafia.”

“But-but-” Chuuya scrambled for something to stop this. No matter who it was he couldn’t just sit by and let someone get killed. “But-”

Dazai whirled around and grabbed Chuuya’s shoulder.

“Trust me I have spent time agonizing over this decision. I have thought it through and this is the only option that guarantees that you and your siblings will not be harmed.” Dazai closed his eyes and let out a slow breath. Then he locked eyes with Chuuya. His expression was hard and determined. “I know you will think differently of me after this and I am okay with that. Better have me be the one to scare you off then Mori.”

His stare continued to dig at Chuuya for a while longer. When Chuuya didn’t respond it wavered and the mask cracked. 

“He hurt you Chuuya,” he whispered. “In more ways than one. I can’t just let him get away with that.”

“But it’s not right. Killing him that is,” said Chuuya. “I can’t imagine that things will be the same with me knowing I let you kill somebody. I want this to be a happy relationship. Not one based on bloodshed. So much shit in your life was based on it. Why does this have to be too?”

Dazai studied him for a moment. He groaned and muttered something under his breath about how Chuuya didn’t understand and how dare he affect Dazai like this. He turned from Chuuya and continued to Mori’s office. 

Chuuya ran after him and caught up just as Dazai shoved the door open.

“Ahh Dazai. It is a pleasure to see you,” said Mori calmly. His gaze didn’t land on the gun once. 

“24 hours,” growled Dazai. “You have 24 hours to vanish or I will kill you.” He stopped three paces from Mori’s desk. 

“And why on Earth should I be afraid of you?” asked Mori. His smile was hard as stone and angry. Simmering rage sitting under the surface. 

“Because you fucked with the wrong person.” For once Dazai did not match Mori’s smile. He yanked a gun out from a holster in his coat(had he always had that?) and let it rest against his side. “I am not having another repeat of Oda. The only reason your brains aren’t plastered to the walls is because I am done having a life drowned in blood. So I am being merciful. And before you say mercy is weakness,” Dazai pressed the barrel of his gun to Mori’s head. “Do not think for a second I won’t kill you. Do whatever you want in that 24 hour span but there is nothing you can do that will make me not kill you. You raised me and trained me for this. The only reason you could control me before is because I had nothing to fight for.”

A ghost of a smile touched Mori’s lips. 

“Okay Osamu. I’ve always wanted to see what exactly you learned from me.”

Dazai smiled coldly.

In a flash he had a knife out.

“Good because I have a parting gift. This is for making Chuuya worry about me.” Dazai slashed with the knife, creating a deep cut from Mori’s chin to ear. “And this is for hurting him.” He slammed the knife down on the desk, severing Mori’s trigger finger from the rest of his hand.

To the doctor’s credit he didn’t cry out. He just doubled over and brought the hand to his chest, letting a ragged breath slip from his lips. 

“A lesson they will never forget,” said Dazai and Mori in unison. Mori laughed breathlessly while Dazai recoiled in disgust. 

“24 hours Mori-sama. Don’t make me have to kill you,” said Dazai cooly. He turned around and walked toward the door. “Come on Chuuya.”

Chapter Text

They got halfway back to Chuuya’s apartment before the red-head realized Dazai was crying. It was quiet, just a few tears running down Dazai’s face. It took Chuuya another minute to realize that Dazai didn’t really know where he was going, just walking. 

After that realization, Chuuya took the lead and gently steered them in the direction of Kouyou’s apartment. Dazai didn’t really have anywhere else to go now anyway.

He let them in, opting to leave most of the lights off. Dazai wandered inside and stood at the kitchen counter. His hands came up to cling to the counter, knuckles turning white. Dazai clutched the kitchen counter like it was a life line and started sliding down against it. Tiny strangled gasps left him. Chuuya watched him carefully, trying to figure out how to help 

Chuuya filled a glass with water and knelt beside Dazai. He nudged the brunette gently, trying to bring him back.

“Dazai, Dazai can you hear me?” asked Chuuya, gently. “Dazai, I need you to breathe okay?”

If Dazai heard him, Chuuya couldn’t tell. The brunette was shaking like a leaf in a windstorm and his breathing just kept getting faster and faster. 

“Dazai, you need to slow your breathing or you're going to pass out,” said Chuuya firmly. He used his free hand to pull Dazai to face him. The brunette looked at him, eyes almost reflective.

“D-Did I do the right thing?” he asked between his gasping breaths. “W-what if-f Mori c-comes after y-y-you now? W-w-what i-if yo-you hate m-m-me now?”

“I don’t hate you Dazai, don’t be silly,” said Chuuya. “You did do the right thing and Mori isn’t going to be stupid enough to come after me or my siblings. It’s going to be okay, Dazai just breathe.”

“I d-d-didn’t want t-to scare you.”

“You did what had to be done, Dazai. I don’t understand this world nearly as much as you do and I trust you to have done the right thing.” The image of Mori’s finger lying on the desk in a pool of blood wasn’t exactly a pleasant mental image but he spoke the truth; he didn’t understand this world but Dazai did. 

It took a couple more minutes of soothing but eventually Dazai’s breathing evened out. Chuuya offered him the glass of water and Dazai gulped it down. He set the glass aside before practically falling into Chuuya’s arms. The red-head held him tight and let Dazai exhaust himself. 

“Does this happen every time you stand up to Mori?” asked Chuuya softly. 

“T-This is the first time I ever did. At least in any way that mattered. Well other than before.” muttered Dazai. His voice was hoarse but when Chuuya tried to get more water Dazai clutched him tighter.

“Before?”

Dazai laughed dryly. “When I got home from your house after the arcade…. I told him to shove his puppet strings up his ass.”

Chuuya broke out into laughter that startled but then seemed to sooth Dazai.

“Damn you got balls,” said Chuuya.  “Kudos to you.”

Dazai sighed and the breathing seemed to come easier. A cough shook Dazai and it even hurt Chuuya’s throat. The red-head tried to stand again.

“Please don’t go,” whispered Dazai, seizing up again. “Please, please don’t go.”

“You just need more water sweetheart,” said Chuuya. “It will make your throat feel better.”

Chuuya pried Dazai’s hands away before filling the water cup up quickly. He sat back down and got Dazai to drink the glass. Dazai collapsed back against Chuuya. It was weird seeing Dazai with Mori, all strength and cool intellect, and then now, clingy and vulnerable.

The red-head didn’t want to disturb Dazai so they sat there on the kitchen floor for a while, Dazai’s head on Chuuya’s lap. Chuuya ran nimble fingers through Dazai’s hair, feeling him shiver.

“The kids will be home in an hour,” said Chuuya. He had to say he was getting much better at his gentle caring voice. “Do you want to clean up and help me get dinner started?”

Dazai nodded slowly. Chuuya helped ease him off the floor and onto a stool at the kitchen counter. He grabbed water and Advil for the headache as well as a damp washcloth. The red-head wiped Dazai’s face, letting the cool cloth reduce the redness and the swelling. 

“Better?” asked Chuuya. 

“Yes. Thank you,” murmured Dazai.

“Don’t mention it,” said Chuuya. He started to move around the kitchen, pulling out chicken and other ingredients for dinner. Once it was all defrosting or simmering he made some super easy peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. Once they cooled down enough he set the plate in front of Dazai.

“What are these?” asked Dazai.

“Snack,” said Chuuya. “5 ingredient cookies. They are  easy to make and easier to eat. Try one.”

Dazai picked it up uncertainty and nibbled it. Then he took a bigger bite and nodded approvingly. Chuuya smiled softly and went back to making dinner.

The kids came home, Ryu looking pissed, Kyouka talking about something, and Gin listening intently. 

“Hey,” said Chuuya in greeting.

“Hi,” grumbled Ryu.

“What happened to you?”

“Don’t get him started,” pleaded Gin, putting her stuff up. 

“My teacher acting like a little bitch thinking he can force me to do shit,” growled Ryu. 

“Can’t they though?”

That did it. Ryu started ranting about how they were being forced to do an assignment and the teacher treated him like a child who didn’t understand how the world worked and how Ryu almost went off on them. Chuuya just nodded, throwing in basic comments to keep him going. 

Eventually they were all gathered at the kitchen counter while Chuuya turned the stove off. No one tried to sit at the kitchen table; they all just sat on barstools and Chuuya on the counter across from them. The room was calm and quiet and Chuuya wished he could live in this bubble forever. 

They stayed up a little while longer, Kyouka going to watch TV and Ryu sitting down to do homework(while swearing under his breath), before the kids wandered off to bed and Chuuya and Dazai were left alone on the couch. 

“What am I going to do now?” asked Dazai, voice heavy again. 

“Uhh take a shower and go to bed,” said Chuuya. “You can have the couch or share my bed if you like.”

“No like in life. What do I do tomorrow? Or the day after?”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well,” exclaimed Dazai, glaring at Chuuya. “My father who has been controlling me the entire life I remember could be waiting to kill me and the person I love and the people he loves or he could be actually gone for good.”

“Why do you sound more scared for the second option?” asked Chuuya. He started rubbing his thumb against the back side of Dazai’s hand. 

“Because I know how to lose people and I know how to be puppetted by Mori but I don’t know how to live without him.” Dazai stated it all very plainly, not a crack in his voice. Not as vulnerable as earlier but Chuuya would take it.

“Well you take over the Port Mafia,” said Chuuya. “And I can help you with that bit. You make sure not to wreck anything important in the Mafia. If you don’t want to run it, pawn it off to someone else. Then with either mafia money or money from another job you get a quaint little apartment so you can live somewhere that isn’t a literal hole in the wall. Every weekend you come out with me and the kids and come over for dinner a few nights a week so I can make sure you are eating. And then anything else you want. Travel, learn another language, learn an instrument, knit scarves i don’t know whatever you like.”

Dazai paused for a moment before sighing and leaning over his knees.

“You make it sound so easy.”

“One day at a time my man. How do you eat an elephant?”

Dazai sprang up, eyes wide..

“You eat elephants?” he demanded.

Chuuya laughed so hard it sounded more like a cackle.

“It's an expression!” he explained, between giggles. “One bite at a time. Take things one step at a time.” Finally he stopped laughing and sobered up. “So what do you want to do?”

The brunette thought hard for a moment.

“Make sure Mori isn’t going to hurt anyone,” said Dazai slowly. “After that I don’t know. I kinda want to do well on Odasakus memory.”

“Can you hit up any of his friends?” asked Chuuya. “Maybe they can help you heal that wound.”

“Yeah,” said Dazai, gaining interest. “They can help me figure out what Oda would have wanted. Odasaku always had a better moral compass than me and he knew how to ‘suck the marrow out of life’.”

‘“Good place to start,” soothed Chuuya. “See now you have a plan!”

“Yeah…” murmured Dazai.

“And you look like you're about to fall over so let’s get to bed,” insisted Chuuya. “Up, up, shower, sleep.”

After dragging Dazai into the bathroom and finding some of his own oversized clothes, Chuuya shut the door in Dazai’s face. A few minutes later the water started. Chuuya crumpled on his bed, intending to just scroll through his phone until Dazai came out but his eyes slid shut almost immediately.

He was jostled from a light sleep when someone tossed a blanket over him and set his phone aside. Then the person curled up next to Chuuya, a mess of wet hair brushing his hand. 

Chuuya glanced down at Dazai and ran his hand through Dazai’s hair. The brunette jolted and looked up.

“Sorry chibi,” said Dazai, trying to smile. “Didn’t want you to catch a cold while you fell asleep.”

“Just fucking get up here,” snapped Chuuya, getting under the actual covers and gesturing Dazai in.

After a minute the brunette climbed in next to him. Even though he was (quite a bit) taller than Chuuya, Dazai curled up against Chuuya. The red-head gave into him and wrapped Dazai up in his arms after pulling the blankets over them. 

There was something comforting about having Dazai protected against him. His eyes fluttered and he gave into the warmth and comfort of Dazai against him. 

Chapter Text

Five Months Later

“I understand that Dazai but you can’t expect me to jump every time you say so. I have obligations with my job and-”

“Oh you worry too much it’s not that big of a deal.”

“ Concealing illegal activities from the government, especially activities from the biggest crime syndicate in Japan is a big deal!”

“Will you two please shut the fuck up!”

Dazai and Ango glanced over at Chuuya who was glaring at them, pen poised over his notebook. Two other notebooks were laid open full of scribbles in front of him. 

“My apologies Nakahara,” said Ango, finally breaking the silence. He turned back to the stove to continue adding ingredients. Dazai puffed out his cheeks.

“You work too hard chibi and you’re no fun when you’re stressed. Come join the argument. I know you are on my side ~ “

“Actually, writing a rhetorical analysis is easier than dealing with you.” Chuuya set the pen down and raked a hand through his messy hair before returning his gaze to Dazai. “Besides, I agree with Ango.”

Dazai mouth dropped open in mock horror and a hand came up to clutch his chest.

“Betrayed!” he gasped.

“Thank you, " muttered Ango, under his breath. Dazai opened his mouth to continue his tirade but Ango kicked him. The brunette turned back to the vegetables he was cutting, muttering under his breath.

In the past five months, Dazai had officially taken over the Port Mafia, adter seeing to it that Mori was long gone out of the country and not bothering anyone. Once he put out any remaining fires caused by the disappearance of the boss, he went in search of Ango, the only person he was able to dig up from Odasaku’s past. 

Ango was a friend of Oda’s from before he was brought into the mafia. Ango and Oda both had a hand in severing their connection when Oda joined the mafia. Ango was worried that their friendship would endanger the job he had worked so hard to get and was hoping to scare Oda out of taking the job. At least that is what he told Dazai and Chuuya. 

Dazai had griped about having to go find a government official of all things. He disliked government personnel on principle but he wasn’t able to find anyone else Oda was close to on record besides his parents, who were now deceased, and a younger sister, who was living in Italy.

So, having no other good choices, Dazai set up a meeting with Ango and explained who he was. Ango was originally cold and emotionless (like how Dazai acted in the mafia) blaming Dazai for Oda’s death because dragged Oda into the mafia and forced him to stay once they were friends despite the danger. Dazai had snapped back with scalding remarks about how Ango had abandoned Oda for his job of all things saying he didn’t care about Oda in the first place. 

Chuuya had to drag them both out by the ear as the entire coffee shop stared at the two yelling men. 

But surprisingly enough they didn’t walk away. They couldn’t now because all they had left of a man they had both cared for was each other. 

Naturally their early relationship was a lot of awkward conversations and even more arguments. Chuuya had to play mediator to many late night conversations that would quickly escalate into shouting and sometimes crying(which was strange given that Ango seemed to be as allergic to emotions as Dazai is). They eventually worked things out enough to the point they could spend one night without working up into a big fight and a tentative friendship was formed. 

And now they were making dinner together in Chuuya’s kitchen. 

It was all well and good, especially since their bickering turned more friendly in recent weeks and it was really good to see them enjoying eachothers company. But it completely wrecked Chuuya’s ability to focus. 

Speaking of Chuuya, he finally started writing his dissertations. He was getting so close to finally finishing off his degrees. The only problem was he found that he had to keep dedicating more and more time to them to the point his brain felt like melted wax most of the time. 

(Secretly he knew if Dazai hadn’t let him have the job at the mafia he would never be able to finish them. He would never admit it outloud but if he hadn’t met Dazai he would be pretty screwed right now.)

Plus all was mostly well with his siblings. Gin and Akutagawa started their second to last year of schooling which ended up with a lot of long talks about what was coming after. It got really stressful at times but they all just kept going. 

Ango was widely accepted to join their group a handful of times every month. Gin and Ango got along fairly well. He didn’t know how to act around Kyouka but she didn’t seem to mind and Ryunnsuke tolerated him which was about as good as anyone can get. 

The only issue Ango had with any of them was Dazai trying to use his position as a government official to benefit the mafia. 

Hence the argument tonight.

“Besides you could claim ignorance,” added Dazai, unable to keep his mouth shut or lose an argument. “My plan gives you full deniability!”

“It is still wrong Dazai. Is that what Oda would have wanted?”

“Nooooooooo,” whined Dazai. He stamped his foot like a child for good measure. “You can’t pull that card it’s not fa~ir.”

Chuuya closed his computer and his notebook, sighing heavily. He was not getting any further on this tonight.

“Chuuya closed his notebook,” hummed Ango with a note of smugness. “Which means you’re scre~ewed.” He held out that last word in a mock of Dazai which only made the brunette huff louder. 

Chuuya got up from the table and walked into the kitchen, not bothering to make his footsteps light. Ango snickered at his approach while Dazai pretend nothing was happening. Normally Dazai would toe the line so that Chuuya wouldn’t stop working until dinner was done, being annoying but not enough to warrant CHuuya to stop. Chuuya crept up behind Dazai and put his mouth next to Dazai’s ear. 

“Can you not whine for one night?”

“Chuuya knows I can’t,” hummed Dazai. Chuuya pressed a kiss to his cheek and then to his jaw. 

“And what if I want peace and quiet?” Another kiss. 

“You whine just as much Chu~uya, don’t be mean.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Chuuya wrapped his arms around Dazai, gripping his waist. A kiss to his neck.

“Chuuya I need to finish cutting these vegetables.”

“Stop trying to convince Ango to do illegal things for one night, please.”

Dazai huffed.

“Fine!” he relented. “Just for this one night because Chuuya asked so nicely.”

Chuuya lurched back with a loud laugh of triumph and Ango smiled, which was practically jumping for joy for the exhausted government official. He never showed a whole lot of emotion besides perhaps annoyance. Ango just didn’t seem to ever have enough energy for strong emotions. 

Dazai whipped his head around to glare at Chuuya who had stepped away from him.

“Chuuya is so mean!” snapped Dazai.

“Sorry love, just excited I don’t have to listen to you bicker all of dinner.” Chuuya wrapped his arms back around Dazai who in turn settled down. 

A few moments later the front door swung open and Ryuunsuke stepped in. As soon as he saw Chuuya and Dazai, he passed by them entirely to greet Ango (Ryuunsuke was not a fan of PDA but wouldn’t say anything about it). After a polite greeting he sat to do start his homework. Gin talked to Ango as well for a little while, both speaking in relaxed, quiet voices. Kyouka sat down next to her brother and started a project for school.

Soon dinner was done and they all sat around the table together, talking about nothing of consequence. There was only one more small squabble between Dazai and Ango that Dazai lost, or rather had to let go. 

They worked together to clean up before Ryuunsuke went to shower and climb in bed. He always stayed on his phone for several before going to sleep . Gin sat on the couch to read while Kyouka watched a few episodes of her show. Chuuya closed the fridge on the last of leftovers to see Ango hovering near the door.

“You’re welcome to stay,” said Chuuya, as he offered most night. Ango rarely took him up on the offer but tonight….

“Are you sure Chuuya?”

… was the rare exception.

“Yup. You look like you need it.”

In exchange for favors for Dazai and the mafia, Ango knew that Chuuya would let him sleep over when he needed too. It didn’t seem like much but Ango had confessed that it was the only other “safe” place he had. At Chuuya’s house he knew that he wouldn’t get sucked back into working when he desperately needed to sleep. So Ango had crashed at Chuuya’s a few dozen times the past couple of months.

“Thank you,” said Ango, solemnly. 

“You’re welcome.” Chuuya had long since stopped trying to convince him it was not big deal and he was happy to help. Chuuya figured that Dazai’s comments about being a traitor, not matter how half heartedly he said them now, had dug at Ango. He didn’t seem to realize Chuuya was letting a friend stay at his house, not an enemy. 

Chuuya pulled some blankets and pillows out of the hall closet and tossed them on the end of the longer couch before packing up the rest of his school supplies. By that time, Dazai was curled on the couch completely immersed in whatever Kyouka was watching. He was muttering about it in a low voice with Ango who had his brows furrowed in concentration. Chuuya chuckled at their closeness. He would have never thought this was possible a month or two ago with how much they fought initially. 

“I’m heading to shower,” murmured Chuuya, pressing a light kiss to the top of Dazai’s head. “Try not to annoy our resident government official for too much longer.”

“Mmm?” asked Ango sleepily. His eyes were fluttering as he spoke. The dark bags under his eyes seemed to get more prominent anytime he visited. 

Chuuya collected what he needed for a shower and dropped the stuff in the bathroom. He walked back to the doorway to the living room to watch for a moment longer. 

Dazai was hunched over Ango, who in turn was lying down, curled up on the couch. Dazai took Ango’s glasses off and set them aside. Then he tucked two of the blankets around Ango, slipping a pillow under his head. Ango slurred something unintelligible and Dazai patted him on the head. Chuuya couldn’t tell if the gesture was meant to be condescending or caring but either way, Ango went limp, eyes slipping shut. 

Even as Dazai whined that Ango was so uptight and annoying and how Dazai got quietly angry when he was thinking about how Ango could have saved their friend, he always seemed a little relieved when he heard Ango was coming over. Or when Ango said he would stay the night to sleep. Dazai reminded Chuuya to buy sweet creamers that Ango liked in his coffee. And when Ango fell asleep Dazai would move quietly through the apartment to make sure he stayed that way.  

So not matter how much he might have hated Ango in the beginning, things have changed. 

Once Ango was appropriately tucked in, Dazai took Kyouka’s hand and helped her stumble to her feet. The small girl was also about to fall asleep when Dazai coaxed her to her bedroom. She gave him a little wave before closing the door and clicking the light off. 

Dazai turned to see Chuuya watching him. They stared at each other for a minute as Dazai tried to think of something to say.

“Stop being weird and staring Chuuya,” was what Dazai settled for.

“Well my apologies.” Chuuya gave a mocking bow but the fact that he smiled softly the whole time ruined the effect. Then Chuuya walked off to actually take his shower.

Ten minutes later, Chuuya climbed into bed next to Dazai who was clicking through his phone. The brunette side eyed Chuuya before clicking his phone off and plugging it in. The lamps on the night tables went off and Dazai buried his face in a pillow.

“Happy Ango is staying the night?” asked Chuuya, offhandedly.

“No,” huffed Dazai. “You shouldn’t let traitors sleep under your roof.” He twisted toward Chuuya who in turn pulled him closer. 

“Mmm.” Chuuya ran a hand gently through Dazai’s hair. “Good to know you have no attachment to him whatsoever.”

“None.”

Chuuya wrapped his arms closer around Dazai, tangling them up a bit. Dazai hummed in response and pressed his face into the crook of Chuuya’s neck. 

Things were good now. Dazai was out from under Mori’s abusive thumb and trying to mend his most broken pieces. Coping with the loss of a loved one and trying to figure out where he wanted to be outside of Mori. 

Plus it was good for Ango too. The Ango who knew no one outside of work and was weighed down by their crushing guilt of what happened to his friend.

Chuuya liked to think that in the end he helped them out. He mediated many fights and would mediate many more if that's what they needed. 

But as it was he was helping people, people that looked after him in return. He helped Kouyou’s kids grow up, helped Ango connect with people and find a world beyond punishing himself, and helped Dazai come into his own. Sure things weren’t perfect but they were good at least. 

And it helped knowing that it was exactly what Kouyou would have done.