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When he awoke the next morning, she wasn’t there.
Callum let his head fall back against the pillows, staring up at the underside of his canopy bed and beginning a round of deep breathing to keep from spiraling. Of all the dreams he’d had of being reunited with Rayla, this one had been by far the most vivid. He had actually felt her pressed against him, her body much thinner than he remembered, encircled in his arms with his fingers entwined in her long silvery hair, the familiar sweet taste of moonberries on her lips. She had fallen asleep in his embrace, curled into him as the waning half moon shone down on them from his chamber window, illuminating the glimmer of her enchanting violet eyes— gazing into them until his eyelids grew heavy and he couldn’t gaze anymore.
“I love you, Rayla.”
“I love you too, Callum.”
Of course it had been too good to be true. All his dreams of her for the past two years had been. But this one was particularly cruel; he had not only seen her and heard her voice, he had touched her. Held her. Slept beside her. He shut his eyes, counting backwards from ten. Then twenty when his eyes started to grow damp. It wasn’t working. C’mon Callum, you can’t lose it now. Ez needs you.
It had been months since he spiraled this badly. Not since…
He couldn’t even think about that. Aunt Amaya and Ezran had just barely pulled him out of it; such a dangerous place mentally for a high mage to be. But what could be done? Every scout in Katolis had searched every inch of the realm. Either Rayla clearly didn’t want to be found. Or…
“Callum?”
He sat up in the bed so fast he became lightheaded. Rayla stood in the doorway to his chamber, wearing a pale blue bathrobe that hung from her skinnier figure and drying her hair with a towel, scrutinizing him with concern. Blinking several times, he waited for her to vanish from view like the spectral vision of his heart’s greatest desire. But she stayed put, her nose wrinkling as she tilted her head to the side.
“It’s you,” he whispered. Last night wasn’t a dream. She had come back. “Why were you gone this morning?”
“I… had to wash up in the bathroom,” Rayla gestured out the door before closing it behind her, throwing the towel on a chair.
“Yeah…” Suddenly he realized how stupid he was being. Paranoid. “Yeah, you’re right…”
“Callum,” she called his name as if he were far away instead of right in front of her, clambering onto the bed and reaching for him. He was pale, sweating through his thin red and gold pajamas, his olive green eyes dulled and unfocused away from her as he wheezed in his chest. “Breathe— c’mon, deep breaths— keep your eyes on me—”
“You were gone…” His voice crackled as if he were about to break down any moment. “You— were gone— ”
“I know.” Tears filled Rayla’s eyes, desperately evening out her own breathing so he could inhale and exhale along with her. “I know I was Callum, but I’m here now. I’m here.” Gathering him close into her lap, she let his head wilt into the crook of her arm, her other hand smoothing down his unkempt dark brown hair as she cradled him like a babe.
He could do nothing but shut his eyes until the room stopped spinning and focus on the gentle four-fingered hand stroking through his hair as he clung to her, panting and sobbing while her hushing lulled him until the stormy seas of his mind settled into calm waters. The sun was higher in the sky outside his window when he finally found the strength to sit up again, Rayla having remained unexpectedly patient throughout his entire process. He would have been more surprised at how much she had grown in that regard, but then again, two years was a long time.
“So… last night. Yesterday. All of that was real.”
“Yeah, it was.”
“You came back.”
“Mmm, sort of,” Rayla smirked good-humoredly. “Truth be told, I didn’t realize I was headed in the direction of Katolis, and Soren and Corvus met me halfway.”
Callum brought his hand up to her cheek, his thumb brushing so slightly over her lips it sent tingles up her spine. “We kissed.”
She chuckled, “We kissed a lot.” Leaning in to peck his cheek, Callum instead pulled away from her and faced the chamber wall, his feet hitting the floor with a thud. Rayla tried to ignore it. “Honestly Callum, you think I’d take off runnin’ without my clothes?” she teased, jabbing a thumb over at them lying crumpled on the chair. She whacked him on the arm playfully, but that only caused Callum to wrench himself from her further, crossing his arms tightly over his chest and closing himself off from her entirely.
Any and all traces of joy and humor vanished from Rayla’s face, replaced solely with the pain and loneliness she had known from spending two years apart from the boy she loved, brought on entirely by herself after breaking her promise to him. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, watching his shoulders rise and fall in quick succession, but not alarmingly so. She hated herself for what she had done from the moment she had set off without him. For the hurt and anguish it would cause him— sweet, wonderful Callum who never deserved any of the hardships he had been forced to endure.
And Rayla had not deserved his embraces, his kisses, or his words of affirmation and love upon her return. Not even the comfort of his arms and blankets as she drifted off into the best sleep she’d had in two years. She should have known better. Now the honeymoon phase was over.
“Okay…” she exhaled long and low, sliding further down the mattress to give Callum some space and folding her hands tightly in her lap, staring down at her thumbs as they fumbled over themselves. “You know I’m not good at this, I never have been. You’re the ‘big feelings’ guy. You know how to get people to open up to you— well, how to get me to anyway. And I’m a tough nut to crack.”
She coughed out a laugh. The corners of his mouth didn’t even lift. At least his breathing had returned to an even pace. She slid her fingers underneath her robe sleeve and picked at a scab distractedly, one of over a dozen marks of varying severity she had collected on her body in her time away. Each one a painful reminder that even after two years of clawing her way across Xadia, she had nothing to show for it— absolutely nothing. All she had succeeded in doing was shattering her prince’s heart, and subsequently the trust between them.
“Callum, as much as I’m loath to say it, we’re gonna have to talk about all this at some point,” Rayla finally said quickly, like ripping off an old nasty bandage from one of her infected wounds.
“I agree,” he replied in a low businesslike tone, as if he was conducting a high council meeting rather than speaking to the girl he loved. “And we should do it sooner rather than later.”
Rayla raised her eyebrows. “Oh am I keepin’ you from somethin’, Mister High Mage Prince? Bunch of dusty old books you gotta read? Borin’ meetings you gotta sit through? Got a hot date tonight?”
Callum shot her a scathing look, torment buried in his emerald irises. “Don’t even joke about that. Do you know how many people told me to move on? Find someone else?”
“Quite a few, I imagine,” Rayla nodded, turning herself towards him hesitantly, “I was gone for two years.” Not to mention, while she knew little about human royalty, she did gather that there was an immense amount of pressure to find a mate once they reached a certain age.
“Rayla…”
Her heart soared at hearing his voice say her name for the first time that morning. How did she survive for so long without it? “There you are,” she whispered, slowly lacing her fingers neatly into his, waiting for him to jerk away. He didn’t.
“A month went by. Two months. Six months. Nine. Eleven. All around me, I was being begged and pleaded with to pull some kind of closure out of thin air and just go on with my life. Like I was supposed to just wake up one morning, forget you existed, and resign myself to taking up with some kingdom noble just because they’re here and available.”
While the mere thought of someone else on Callum’s arm made her want to sling both of her butterfly blades against the pristine chamber wall, Rayla shut her eyes and squeezed his hand. “It might’ve saved you a lot of heartache if you had. But the selfish part of me is awfully glad you didn’t.”
“I couldn’t.” He was trying to smile but his lips quivered, tears threatening to spill down his flushed cheeks. “I love you, Rayla. Maybe it’s naive and dumb, but whenever I say it, it feels right.” He pressed his free hand over his heart as Rayla hastily blinked the dampness out of her own eyes. “That’s what I kept trying to tell Opeli, Corvus, the high council, and even Aunt Amaya, but they just shot me down! They said I was ‘too young’ to be saying things like that!”
“It’s okay,” she soothed, her thumb rubbing the back of his hand. “You don’t have to talk anymore if you don’t want to, Callum— we can take a break.” The tears were back, gathering like hot beads of dew in the corners of her eyes, and this time she let them fall gently. Rayla hated crying, hated it as much as even thinking about an outstretched body of water, and right now she wasn’t even sure why she was crying. Out of compassion? Shame? Regret? Empathy? All of the above? But if there was anyone she felt safe being this vulnerable in front of, it was Callum. It had always been Callum.
“There were two other people who never gave up on you though.” At last, a faint hint of a smile, “Soren and Ez.”
“How did I know?” Rayla chuckled, swiping at her cheek with the heel of her hand.
“Ez was the reason we had our best trackers out searching for you for so long, and Soren took it upon himself to lead the guard.”
“Soren?” she snorted. “Soren has about as much stealth as a—”
“Hippo made of taffy?” Callum quipped.
“I— was gonna say a banther in a canyon, but that works too,” Rayla said, her voice shaking with laughter. Taking a chance, she slid a bit closer to him on the bed so their legs touched, and she could feel how tense he still was.
“You were just too good though…”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” she teased, tousling his new fluffed hair flirtily. Then she watched as his jaw clenched, his grip on her fingers tightening. “Breathe,” she reminded him and he obeyed, drawing a long breath in and letting it out slowly as she slipped her arm around him and rubbed his back.
“Sorry,” he mumbled miserably, shaking his head as he stared into his lap.
“No, I’m the one who should be sorry.” For everything, her mind finished painfully. “I’m so awful at this ‘feelings’ stuff, I just… I know you have a lot of them for me now, Callum. Some good, some bad. So much bad right now, probably. And since we’re together again, well— here’s your chance to really let me have it.”
“What?” Callum felt as if she had punched him right in the gut. “I finally have you back and you want me to… what, yell at you?”
“Yell, scream, throw things, whatever you gotta do! I’m an assassin, Callum, I can take it! You’re so angry at me for what I did, I can feel it inside you! But you won’t let it out and you need to!”
Callum shivered even though the air was pleasantly warm, and Rayla’s arms around him made it even cozier. She was right about everything— why was she right about everything? But the words she wanted to hear wouldn’t flow from his mind to his mouth. They swirled and jumbled together in his brain until they became twisted and ugly, making him into the shaky, sullen mess he was now. No, he couldn’t even talk if he wanted to, let alone unleash the full brunt of his frustration on Rayla. Rayla, who he loved more than anything.
She didn’t question it when he leaned over suddenly and lifted up his fluffed white pillows, the undersides stained with grey dusted charcoal as he pulled out a worn thick leather bound book with dog-eared parchment sticking out from all angles. Nor did she inquire as to why they had been sleeping on his beloved sketchbook all of the previous night, since that seemed like an odd hiding place for it. Rayla only watched silently as he flipped it open to the next blank page, took up the charcoal piece he had left indented in the spine, and began sketching an outline.
He detailed her face, a bit more mature now with her heightened cheekbones, her longer hair drawn sweeping and majestic around her neck. Then their hands, laced together like pieces of a puzzle, tenderly entwined like an eternal promise. A couple of times Callum paused and handed Rayla the sketchbook to brush a few tears aside so they wouldn’t ruin his work, but for the most part he worked consistently until a third sketch cropped up. A kiss. Their first kiss in two years, likely depicted much more beautifully here than it actually was last evening. Rayla recalled clumsily knocking into his teeth, their noses squished up against each other with lots of snot and tears, but she guessed posterity didn’t need to know those details.
“You’re unbelievable.” Callum heard her sniffling and glanced up to see her scrubbing at her eyes with her fist. “Sittin’ here drawing us happy and in love, when you should be screamin’ in my face after what I did.”
He let the charcoal slip from his fingers and roll back into the indentation. “I sketch when I’m upset, Rayla. Remember?”
Her lips parted to respond, and suddenly it was as if a dam had broken wide open in her heart, the gushing water flooding into her eyes and spilling down her cheeks like salty twin waterfalls, her body shuddering with the force of an earthquake splitting her core apart. Curling in on herself against the bedpost, she buried her face in her knees and tried to make herself as small as possible. As small and insignificant as she truly was, and always knew she would be.
“Rayla— Rayla, what’s wrong?” Flinging the sketchbook aside, Callum was beside her in a flash, but she only shook her head and sobbed heavily in response, shrinking away when he touched her shoulder.
“Stop it! Just stop, Callum!” she shouted, her voice muffled inside her arms.
“Stop what?!”
“Stop draggin’ it out!” Rayla raised her head, and Callum’s heart twisted until it snapped it two. He had never seen her fall apart this badly before, not even when she grieved her parents and Runaan. “Stop bein’ so calm and tryin’ to keep it together! It’s only gonna hurt you in the end, and I don’t deserve it!”
“What are you talking ab—?!”
Three sharp echoing knocks on the door made them both jump about a foot in the air. “Um, High Mage Callum?” came a guard’s call.
Callum rolled his eyes, “I told you guys not to call me that!”
“Erm, sorry, Prince Callum— is, uh, everything alright in there?”
“Yep, everything’s fine!” he called back dismissively, heeding Rayla as she retreated back into her curled-up ball of shame.
“Are you sure? We were hearing a lot of shouting and we thought—”
“Look, um…” Callum watched her shaking like a leaf clinging to a branch on a windy day when he addressed the guard once more. “We’ll try our best to keep our voices down, but you know… Rayla just got back. And we have a lot we need to talk about and work through. So if you hear shouting, just— don’t be alarmed, I guess.”
There was a slight pause and then, “Understood, Your Highness.”
“He’s not still out there, is he?” Rayla muttered after a few moments, her fingers gripping at the ends of her hair anxiously.
“I’m sure someone’s listening in,” Callum said wryly. “We’re the talk of Katolis right now.”
“Fantastic.” The last thing she had wanted was to make a grand entrance back into Callum’s life, and it only made the tangled ball of insecurities settled like a stone in her stomach grow heavier. She could only imagine what people were saying about her: “How dare that elf turn up at the castle after all this time begging for Prince Callum’s forgiveness!”
“Hey,” he whispered, and she turned her gleaming face to him, appearing lost, afraid, and so much younger than she was. “Come here…” Pulling her close, Callum felt her nestle into his neck and soak his collar right through, her arms wound tight around his waist. “If you want me to stop holding back my emotions, then I’m gonna need you to stop saying these horrible things about yourself.”
“But Callum—”
“No ‘buts’— ‘buts’ are where the jelly tarts go after you eat them.” Rayla shifted her head to peek up at him and he shrugged. “That’s what my mom used to say.”
She sniffled, pulling back slightly to stroke her thumb along his stubbled jaw. “You’re still so sweet, and I appreciate it. But I say these horrible things because I did a horrible awful thing. And I did it to the person I love the most in this entire world.” Callum blinked, his eyes searching the room, and Rayla sighed in exasperation. “It’s you, you big dummy!”
“Oh!” Callum exclaimed, a bright red blush spreading over his cheeks. That should’ve been obvious, and yet it felt so warm and good to hear it from her firsthand. At least it did for a moment or two. The ugliness he had buried churned in his chest, trying to push its way to the surface of his heart. To blacken out the pure unabashed love he wanted so desperately to give to her… “Then why did you stay away?”
He said it so quietly that she almost missed it. Instinctively, their arms fell away from each other, and Rayla drew a shaking breath. “You know why. I needed to find—”
“For two years, Rayla? Two years with no word— not even a letter once in awhile?” He didn’t sound upset. It wasn’t even in an unkind tone. That only made it worse.
“I tried. I must’ve started so many, but I just crumpled them up or burned them because I didn’t know what to say.” Her lips trembled as she fingered the satin ties of her robe anxiously. “There was nothin’ I could say to make this better.” There still isn’t.
Callum exhaled forcefully, staring at the wall straight ahead of him and balling his fists on his knees. “Soren and Ezran were the only two people who believed you’d return. But even Soren asked me one day… ‘How could someone who loves you that much just leave and never come back?’”
“Because I—” Needed to find Viren? Gain closure for the sake of her parents and Runaan? Perhaps at first, when she was younger, fresher and spry with a heart burning with anger and vengeance. But after months of dead ends, passing out from travelling through heated summers, nearly freezing in frigid winters, and tussling with nasty creatures across the entire realm, Rayla had grown weary. More weary than she had ever felt in her life. In the deepest recesses of her heart, she had wished more than anything that she could just return to Katolis. To her new family. To Callum. But… Her voice warbled as she choked on her tears.
“Because I was scared. I was a coward. It had been too long and I-I couldn’t come back here and face how much I’d hurt you.”
Silence stretched between them for what felt like hours. Then, Callum placed his hand on the cover of his sketchbook and brought it closer to him. Flipping it open in his lap, he slowly— almost hesitantly— brushed the pages backwards until he found a particular set of sketches.
Rayla gasped: They were all of her. But she was not posing attractively, in a fighting stance with her butterfly blades, or smiling in the moonlight. In most of them, her face was contorted in agony. She writhed on the ground in pain, sprays of what looked horribly like blood spurted from her body, her limbs wrenched and contorted in very wrong positions. She felt like she was going to be sick, and out of the corner of her eye, so did Callum. In a couple of the others he had sketched her lying peacefully still, her eyes closed with a lily in her folded hands. The pages themselves were smeared with black and grey charcoal, as if the pencil had been pressed far too hard into the parchment when the drawings were shaded. Dried splotches of what looked like droplets had fallen and caused some of the graphite to run. Rayla’s heart seared with a terrible ache when she realized they weren’t mere drops of water.
“I didn’t want you to see these,” he rasped out, the book quivering in his hands. “I never wanted anyone to see these. But you deserve to know the whole truth.”
“The truth about what?” It was the first time she had ever been afraid in Callum’s presence. The shift in his tone of voice, these drawings of her, everything was so ominous and utterly tragic at the same time.
“How I felt. What I went through. What— what I’m still going through, really.” A hot thick lump formed in his throat, causing his voice to constrict, but there was no turning back now. She had seen the fruits of quite possibly the darkest corners of his mind, and still Rayla stared at him intently, practically pleading with him to pour out his heart to her. Silently telling him with her deep loving gaze, “I’m here. You’re safe. Let go now.”
“I think it was a little over a year after you left. I was sixteen and didn’t have much of a social life outside of my ‘high mage’ duties.” The title still seemed to make him wince, Rayla noticed. “Any time I wasn’t advising Ezran or going to meetings, I was in my study completely immersing myself in mastering as many spells as I could. That’s how I became so accomplished so fast.”
“Wait, your study?” Rayla’s eyes widened in realization. “You mean—”
“Viren’s study,” Callum confirmed in a hollow voice. “It’s mine now.”
Of course… She nearly wept all over again. I’m so stupid. I’m so, so stupid!
“I was so wrapped up in all of it, I didn’t hear the whispering behind my back. Not for awhile anyway, but I caught on eventually.” He let his fingers trace over one of the more lovely peaceful sketches, his heartbeat beginning to pound in his ears. “The first thing I noticed was that Ezran was really frustrated, but he wouldn’t tell me why. Then a few weeks later I overheard Soren get in a huge argument with Aunt Amaya and Gren.”
Callum shook his head with a wry smile. “Looking back on it, I think they knew I was nearby because Soren was trying to be quiet for once. But it was something to do with Corvus being away from Ezran’s side for too long. I caught the words ‘best tracker’ and ‘lost cause’.”
Rayla’s insides churned. She had a feeling she knew where this was going.
“Everyone was nervous around me like I had some kind of contagious disease. There was just something in the air that told me every official in the castle was in on something except me.” He closed the sketchbook with an audible snap, a puff of charcoal dust emanating from its pages as Callum leaned forward and rested his elbows on the leather cover, running his trembling hand over his mouth.
“Finally, when the weather was starting to get colder, they all called me into a meeting: Opeli, Corvus, Aunt Amaya, Soren, and Ezran. I felt like I was on trial. But none of them looked angry with me. In fact, I’d never seen Opeli or Corvus look so sad before.”
“Deep breath— I’m here,” Rayla soothed, gripping his arm with one hand and encircling his shoulders with her other arm as Callum drew a very wet stuttering breath, his hand reaching over to find hers and grasping it tight.
“‘Callum,’ they said… ‘it’s about Rayla’…’”
The young high mage felt his heart stop, staring down the line of people sitting before him for any hint of this being good or bad news. He himself had been unable to even say her name out loud for over a year, and out of respect for his older brother’s feelings, Ezran had enforced that everyone in the castle refrain from using Rayla’s name as much as possible. Which meant that something must have happened. Something huge.
“You found her.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. “You found her, didn’t you?”
“No, Prince Callum, we haven’t,” Corvus sighed, fisting his cuffed hand against the desk. “I’ve been doing my utmost in the kingdoms and Xadia alike, but in the end we’ve come up empty.”
“My prince,” Opeli began, standing from her seat and gazing down at Callum. “It has been over a year since she has disappeared and we’ve yet to find a trace of her. The time has come for us— and for you— to begin considering certain foregone conclusions.”
“What do you mean— what conclusions?” Callum’s head whipped between Opeli and Corvus, his fingers gripping the arms of his chair. “We’ll just send the trackers back out there and try again like we’ve been doing.” He glanced at Soren, deliberately avoiding his gaze, his Aunt Amaya whose usual stoic mask appeared to be cracking, and finally Ezran who, if Callum wasn’t mistaken, looked like he was fighting back tears.
“Callum, we cannot keep searching forever,” Commander Gren interpreted Amaya’s signing for the rest of the group as Callum watched his aunt’s hands intently. “I need my best tracker with me, not off on what is becoming a fool’s errand.”
“A what?!” Callum cried out, jumping up from his seat and glaring at her.
“I know this is hard for you,” Gren went on translating as Amaya’s eyes softened upon her nephew. “I know how much you loved her.”
“I still love her!” Callum emphasized, even signing the words back to Amaya for good measure. “I always will!”
“We know this, Your Highness, we understand as much,” Opeli appealed to him. “But considering how long this fruitless search has gone on, we may have to accept the tragic possibility that she is… no longer with us.”
It was as if the floor had given out underneath him. There was a distant ringing in his ears, his knees shaking so badly that he fell back into his seat. “No…”
“Please know that we do not say this lightly, but—”
“Enough, Opeli!” Ezran cried out sharply, slapping his small hands down on the table. “He understands. You don’t have to repeat it.”
Callum stared up at his king— his little brother who had always stood by him— and his eyes began to cloud with tears. “You too, Ez?”
The child king swallowed hard, his freckled face twitching with anguish. “No. I still believe with all my heart that she’s out there somewhere. For her sake, and for yours. But…” He wiped his nose with the back of his hand, looking away from his brother. “I have to send my trackers to investigate other threats to the realm. I’m sorry, Callum.”
Callum felt his blood begin to boil. “And you?” he shot at Soren, “You’ve been awfully quiet over there.”
“I was overruled,” the crownguard said miserably. “Corvus is going back with Amaya’s forces and I’m needed here with the king.” He held up his hands at the prince’s growing distress, “Look, I promise to keep my eye out for her whenever I’m on patrol, especially at night. But finding her just can’t keep being our top priority.”
“Fine.” Callum stood suddenly, his chair scraping backwards loudly, and now it was clear to everyone how visibly he was shaking. “That’s great. Perfect. Then I’ll track her down myself, and I’m not coming back until I do.”
“You’re needed here!” Gren shouted after Callum as he marched for the door, even though he could feel the desperation radiating from his aunt’s signing. “You cannot just leave your brother, Callum!”
“My prince, you are the king’s closest advisor and confidant!” Corvus added, getting up from his own seat as if to go after him.
“But Callum, Rayla told you not to follow her!”
That was the first thing that made him stop dead in his tracks. Callum froze with his hand over the chamber doorknob, slowly turning to face Ezran, who looked as if he himself couldn’t believe what he had just blurted out.
“I thought she had left in the night without a word,” Opeli said with a quizzical look. “When did she say this?”
“There…” Ezran twisted his hands together, gulping as Callum slowly shook his head at him with wide eyes. “There was a letter.”
“How could you?” Callum whispered brokenly, heartache and rage bubbling in his throat until it burst. “How could you do this, Ezran?! I showed that to you in private!”
“I’m so sorry, Callum!” Ezran cried, tears trailing down his cheeks. “I didn’t mean to, I just— I had to stop you! If you go after her and get hurt, or worse, then the whole reason she left will have been for nothing!”
“All the more reason for us to call off this search!” Opeli concluded in a raised tone, determined to dispel the tension between the two brothers. “Your place is here, Prince Callum. Not chasing after a fantasy.”
“Hey, it isn’t a fantasy!” Soren finally piped up indignantly. “No offense, but most of you in here didn’t know Callum and Rayla like I did. There was a real connection between them.” He whipped his head over at Amaya, “Kinda thought you of all people would’ve understood that.” Amaya hung her head but didn’t respond.
‘Was’… ‘Did’… Everyone was talking about Rayla in the past tense whether they realized it or not, and Callum couldn’t take it anymore.
“Shut up.”
“Excuse me?” Opeli blinked in disbelief.
“You heard me,” Callum growled. “I said shut up! All of you!”
“Callum—”
“Especially you!” he shot at Ezran, pointing a shaking finger in his direction, which immediately prompted Soren to leap to his feet and join Corvus.
“We can’t allow you to talk to the king that way,” Soren said in a low serious tone, his hand instinctively going for the hilt of the sword at his hip.
“Then come at me,” the young mage panted in a voice of deadly calm. “I dare you.”
“Callum, think about this!” Gren shouted, Amaya’s face wild with panic as she signed at her nephew. But Callum had already grounded his feet and was slowly raising two fingers into the air in front of him.
“Your Highness, my record is impeccable,” Corvus said carefully. “After this many months travelling the entire continent, I would have at least found some sort of clue. But I know a lost cause when I see one, and we need you to accept it for the good of Katolis. She is gone, my prince. She is not coming back.”
That did it. Without a clear thought in his head, without a clear aim, and to everyone in the council room’s absolute horror, Callum sketched the lightning rune numbly.
“Fulmi—!”
“Bait, now!”
Of course his brother’s beloved glow toad had been hiding under the table, and of course Callum didn’t shield his eyes in time before the blinding light engulfed the entire room, preventing him from completing the spell. Mass pandemonium ensued, bodies rushing at him as he swung his arms wildly, his fists colliding with different pounds of flesh before he was restrained at last.
A wail that sounded indistinctly like her name, a keening lament for the love of his life tore from his throat as he was dragged like a criminal from the hall.
“I lost it. They told me you could be dead, and I snapped.” Callum rubbed his hands over his face, resting his chin in his palms as he shook his head. “I completely lost it.”
“What happened afterwards?” Rayla asked breathlessly. “They didn’t… you weren’t locked up, were you?”
“No, Ez shot that down right away. Even after all the damage I wound up doing without Fulminus.” He bit his lip, “I punched Corvus.”
“You what?” Rayla gawked incredulously.
“Trust me, I did way more damage to my knuckles than his face. That guy is like a stone wall.”
“I know, I’ve tussled with him before, remember?” She chuckled along with him, and just for a moment it felt like they were fifteen again, making droll comments around a campfire to diffuse a tense situation. If only things were still that easy.
“You wanna know what the worst part of it all was?” His voice had begun to quiver again; that soft low tremor signaling he was on the verge of tears. “Deep down… I’d been thinking the same thing they were.”
“Callum,” Rayla whispered, leaning in to press her lips to his temple, but he stood from the bed and paced over to the window, holding onto the red and gold curtains on either side of the pane.
“They might as well have locked me away. I wasn’t of much use to anyone for weeks afterwards, and honestly I don’t think I’ve been the same since.” He shook his head and Rayla could see the glimmer of tear tracks running the length of his face in the sunlight. “I couldn’t fulfill my high mage duties because I couldn’t perform any spells properly— I was all over the place mentally, thinking about you and where you could be and whether you were alive or not. And if you weren’t, what could’ve happened?! Were you lying in a ditch somewhere?! Poisoned?! Shot down?! Had Claudia found you and killed you?!” He paused to catch his breath, then looked back at her. “Or was it a situation of your own making?”
Rayla hung her head, ready for the blow.
“You always do this, Rayla. Ever since I’ve known you, you fling yourself into deadly situations without a single thought for your own life. And this time— this one time, I thought we were gonna do it together and we’d be able to look out for each other. Because that’s what people who love each other do!”
“I protect the people I love!” Rayla cried, standing from the bed to level with him. “And you’re all I have left, Callum! That’s— that’s why I went without you!”
“No,” Callum shook his head. “I’m not weak, Rayla. I’m not useless!”
“You’re not! You never have been!” She stopped to mop her face as the tears started streaming in earnest. “Even before you became the mage you are, Callum, you’ve always been so brave, smart, kind, and honest. It’s… it’s why I fell so hard for you.” It was becoming increasingly hard for her to speak as sobs overtook her, her shoulders quaking violently as she hugged herself.
“I was stupid,” she choked out. “I was such a stupid kid who thought she was doin’ the right thing. I was tryin’ to save you, so I told you not to come after me. And the only thing I managed to accomplish was hurtin’ you. For nothin’. For no reason at all.”
“You’re not stupid,” Callum said softly, keeping his distance, his emerald eyes still cold and wet. “You were scared, Rayla. But you did hurt me, badly. I’m so angry I can’t see straight, but I don’t hate you— I never could. And it’s gonna be a long time before I can forgive you for this. If ever.”
Rayla felt as if her entire being had been torn in half, clutching at her chest as if her aching heart was physically breaking apart. “I should go…”
“W-what?”
“I broke the trust between us, and there isn’t a thing I can do to mend it again. So I’ll—”
“Run away? You’re actually gonna run away again?” She had never heard him sound so livid before, so much so that he pounded his fist against the wall. “This is what I’m talking about, Rayla!”
“Enlighten me, Callum!” she yelled in a strangled voice.
“Why do you think so little of yourself?!” His eyes betrayed so much grief despite his anger, taking a few steps closer to her. “Why is your first instinct always to run?!”
“Because I can’t let you see me at my worst!”
“I want to!” Callum finally exploded, his face as red as moonberry juice. “I wanna see every side of you that exists and hear about every bad feeling or thought you’ve ever had! Every time you’re angry or sad or want to avenge the people you care about, there’s nothing I want more than to be right there beside you! But you have to trust me, Rayla! You have to trust us!” His face crumpled, “I thought you did.”
Rayla raised her trembling hands to her mouth, too stunned to speak. She did not deserve someone as compassionate and selfless as Callum, she never had. And the fact that now, two years after she had broken his heart completely and utterly, he still wanted her despite everything— or perhaps because of it all— was more than she could bear.
“It was a long and hard path for me after that day in the council room. After weeks of holing myself up in that study, Ezran and Aunt Amaya finally came for me. They sat with me, cried with me for a long time, then we all apologized. I told them I really was afraid that you were dead, I just didn’t wanna admit it. And that even if we did find you, I was still so mad at you that I might say some things I’d regret. I wasn’t sure what was worse: taking out my anger on my best friend— my love— or on her corpse.”
Callum walked back over to the bed, picking the sketchbook back up and leafing through it. “So I drew a lot. I drew you. I drew my parents. Everyone I’ve lost. This thing’s almost full now.” A dry chuckle got stuck in his throat, and he swiped a finger at the corner of his eye. “But it got me back to a place where I could be there for Katolis. And for Ezran.” Then he let out a resigned sigh before closing it and passing it to her, “You can look at it whenever you want. Just be warned, you might not like some of what’s in there. But… it’s a better picture of what I was going through than anything I can say.”
Rayla took the worn leather bound book from him and hugged it to her chest. “I’m sorry,” she wept, feeling useless at having nothing more to offer than pathetic atonement two years too late. “I’m sorry I never sent those letters, I’m sorry I didn’t return sooner, I’m sorry that I was selfish and afraid and didn’t believe in us, I’m so sorry that everythin’ I did caused you so much pain and sorrow, and… Callum, I’m just so, so sorry I left in the first place. I shouldn’t have, it was wrong of me, and I understand if you never forgive me for it.” It would hurt, it would cut her deeper than any blade wound, but she would understand.
What she didn’t understand was when Callum dropped his head into his hands, shaking it back and forth as his shoulders quaked with quiet sobs. “I’m done,” he barely choked out. “I’m done, Rayla.”
Oh gods…
“I’ve been mad at you for two years, and I’m done.”
Her head snapped up. That was not what she was expecting.
“I’ve been imagining for months what I’d say to you when I saw you again, when we finally really talked about this. And— and there was a time when I wanted to make you feel just as badly as you’d made me feel. When I’d say things so horrible that you’d turn around and we’d never see each other again. That was what scared me more than anything.” He was now openly crying, and Rayla let the sketchbook fall back onto the mattress. “I asked myself, what did I really want from you Rayla? Did I want an apology? A letter? Some— some sign that you were okay?”
Shaking his head fervently, he let his hands fall from his face, his leaking emerald orbs staring directly into the soul behind her violet ones. And for a few precious moments, she saw the boy she had once known behind the man he’d become. “I just wanted you to come back, Rayla. All I wanted… was for you to come home.”
Slowly, he raised his arms outstretched towards her, and the gap between them closed in a whirlwind. Rayla gripped him in the strongest, fiercest embrace she could muster, praying that it overflowed with all the love and devotion for him she had held back for so long. Her fingers tangled themselves in his thick dark hair, melting into his arms in a noisy mess of her own bawling as he too sobbed hard and long against her shoulder, the both of them having given up trying to remain strong and steadfast before the other. Now it was nothing but raw, shameless anguish and relief coursing between them, tossing them around in its ferocious tidal waves as they clung desperately to each other until the storm passed.
And it would pass. Not today. Definitely not tomorrow. It would likely take weeks, months, maybe even years. But it would pass.
“Rayla…” He spoke her name like a whispered incantation, placing a soft kiss on each marking on her cheek. “Please stay. Please. And if you go again, take me with you.” A watery smile spread gently, “You should see how many spells I know now.”
Rayla choked out a laugh, then nodded, reciprocating the kiss on his forehead. “I will. I will, Callum. I won’t hurt you like this again, I promise. And I— I really can’t do this without you.” Pressing her lips against his briefly, she let them hover there as she barely breathed, “I love you. I never stopped. Not once.”
“I love you, too,” Callum sighed out. “I always will.” At last, their chests rose and fell as one, heartbeats nearly in sync as they relished the silence between them. Breathing. Just breathing.
“So, now what?” Rayla asked several minutes later, lying cradled in Callum’s lap in the middle of the floor, tracing a long delicate finger over his chest.
“Now we pick up where we left off,” Callum said, adopting his business tone again. “Your mission.”
Rayla dropped her eyes, “Callum, I…”
“Listen, the more I’ve been looking into the stuff in that study, the more I’ve been thinking that maybe you were onto something.” He opened his mouth, then closed it again— perhaps it wasn’t the time to tell her about the mirror just yet. He twirled a finger around one of her silvery strands of hair in thought, “I’ve learned a lot, but there’s still so much I don’t understand.”
“You’ll figure it out,” Rayla said resolutely, cupping a hand around his face. “You have his study. All his artifacts at your disposal. Callum, we’ve never been closer to figuring this out.” For the first time in over two years, she felt stirrings of hope in her heart.
“Yeah— yeah, you’re right.” Leaning down, he captured her lips once more in a spellbinding kiss. “Then tomorrow, we get started for real. Together.”
“Yeah. Together.” This time, she meant it.