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"I need you to help me hide a body."
Childe pauses, hand stuck between continuing writing his letter and throwing a kunai at the window that just spoke. Diluc is the one spoke, actually, leaning through the open panes like this isn't the fourth floor of the Goth Grand Hotel and it's not somewhere past 1am.
"You murdered somebody?" He asks, conversationally. He doesn't turn around, but he keeps Diluc in his peripheral vision.
"Kind of."
"You can't kind of murder a person."
Diluc sighs, like Childe is being a nuisance by asking follow-up questions about a crime he's about to become an accomplice in. Monstadt is bad for his health. Even so, he sets his quill down, ink on the paper still wet.
"It's complicated; it was self-defense." He defends, "I reacted a bit too strongly."
A small frown twists the redhead's lips and Childe cannot help but ask - "how many pieces are they in?"
"Realistically? Two. Technically? Three, sort of, but that's just because I caught one of his hands as I -" he mimes slashing with his hands, claymore noticeably absent. Probably already dumped in a lake somewhere, or maybe still lodged in one half of the body.
Childe stands up and faces his guest properly for the first time, trying not to look shocked at the spray of blood patterning the front of his dark coat. He's obviously wiped his face, but there's smudges of red at his jaw that could appear to be lipstick, out of context. Despite knowing better, he cannot help the pang of jealousy at the sight.
Perhaps it's because Childe does know better that some other man's blood on Diluc's skin inspires envy within him.
"Just show me the way."
Maybe Diluc is bad for his health. No one else can sneak up on him like this, and no one else would be allowed to live afterwards. Getting a Harbinger to help cover up your crimes is in a completely different realm entirely, but somehow this is how Childe has found himself. Diluc drops down from the window casually, which he would be concerned about if he were anybody else, but instead he feels the competitive urge to throw himself down with him.
Diluc actually knows how to traverse the sides of buildings without breaking his neck. Childe knows the most recent Sumeru dancing trends, which wines pair with which fish dishes and - most helpful right now - how to get rid of a body. Specifically the body of a Fatui diplomat.
Childe can only stare at Diluc as they reach the corpse, cleaved diagonally across the chest and both pieces dragged into the treeline of Wolvendom. His hand, also disconnected, lies upon his chest.
"You murdered Mikhail?!" Childe doesn't know him that well, but he was one of their most senior members in Monstadt. Mikhail might not actually be his name, he can't recall between that and Ustin since they have that same stupid middle parting.
"Only kind of . You said you would help."
"You didn't tell me you murdered one of my own subordinates - are you truly so desperate to purge the Fatui from Monstadt?"
They both know the answer to that, but Diluc saves him from having to hear it, "It was his own fault for chasing me down in the middle of the night. Did you order that?" He adds.
He shakes his head - Childe has absolutely no interest in killing off the only interesting person in Monstadt, even if he has been a well-documented thorn in the Fatui's side for the last four years. Childe has only been a Harbinger for those most recent three years, so it's not like he even has as much interest in dealing with him as Signora might have. (Signora's recent, ah, passing has also left her officers without the necessary direction to organise an assassination on their own.)
"Did he find the Darknight Hero and try his hand? That's respectable." He nudges Mikhail's thigh with his boot, and Diluc grimaces. "If you weren't so obviously one in the same, I would have targeted your alter ego too by now."
"He came to the winery."
"What now?"
" Mikhail , your Fatui buddy, showed up in my kitchen as I was finishing up with some trading agreements and tried to stab me in the back." Diluc says that like it's an uninteresting tidbit, but he must have been at least mildly concerned to seek Childe's assistance in the middle of the night.
That in mind, he picks up Mikhail's severed hand and shoves it into his pocket. "I'm going to have to burn these clothes."
"And?"
Childe lets their eyes meet over the top of the dead body, "You know, anyone else would have to pay me back for such a sacrifice." The not you though is evident and probably why Diluc frowns.
"I'd rather pay up than owe you." Of course.
"Did you really drag his corpse all the way from your kitchen?" He redirects back to their current problem. "There must be evidence everywhere."
"My butler is very thorough."
Not as capable with body disposal as the most proficient killer in Monstadt, though, so Childe gets to spend his night keeping Diluc out of prison for difficult-to-prove self-defence. He doesn't have a scratch on him, after all, while Mikhail is in three pieces. They should bury the pieces separately, maybe feed the torso to Andrius -
"That's blasphemy."
"Do you even believe in God?" Childe asks, thinking to the absentee Anemo Archon.
"I've met the idiot."
One of these days he will have to get Diluc to meet him in the daytime, so he can ask him about some of the buckwild things he says with complete nonchalance. Meeting up at night is nice and has certain pleasurable benefits, but Diluc mentioning riding a dragon for pillow-talk should have been the last straw.
" I've ridden a dragon too ," he had said back then, knowing they were using that verb very differently.
" And I've ridden you ." He thought that was supposed to be an insult, but when Diluc said it half naked and leaning on Childe's chest, it made him swell with pride.
Diluc might not have known he was comparing a Fatui Harbinger to the Geo Archon, but Childe did.
They bury Mikhail's (or perhaps Ustin's) body, Diluc taking the top half and Childe dealing with the bottom. He doesn't dispose of the hand, so that something can be sent back to Snezhnaya - he'll need to have it incinerated so that it doesn't rot on the trip back.
"Did you really need my help in this matter?" He asks as though he would rather do anything else other than spend time with Diluc.
The other man shrugs in response - "Won't pass up free labour." Childe feels his smile swap into his fabricated smirk, and Diluc adds "Needed you to know about all this so no Fatui would look into it too closely. Figured you wouldn't make awful company in the meantime."
He leans over the mound of dirt between them, so that his breath ghosts over Diluc's face. "I guess I could say the poor sod was eaten by rifthounds or something. For a price."
They both know he's not talking about money; they return to the Winery with Childe's arm slung over Diluc's shoulder, comfortably silent in the dead of night.
~~~
The next day, he questions his subordinates over the matter. He’s careful with it, but the Fatui in Monstadt are not the type to go behind his back and there hasn’t been clandestine operations in this country since Crepus Ragnvildr died and sent Diluc on a spiralling killing spree that effectively discouraged further meddling in the Nation’s politics.
With that in mind, Childe decides to investigate Mikhail’s room. While these officers might not be capable of organising an assassination after so many years of peaceful occupation, Mikhail did have a long tenure under Signora and might have received personal orders from Snezhnaya. Unfortunately, someone else is already scouring through his belongings.
“Captain Kaeya,” Childe greets, standing by the door as the Cavalry Captain digs through a chest of drawers. “How are you this lovely morning?”
Kaeya doesn’t turn to look at him, pulling out some trousers and tossing them over his shoulder. They land atop Childe’s foot. “Ah, Lord Harbinger. Haven’t you grown tired of us yet?”
He wishes they were in a political position to brawl right here, in a dead man’s bedroom. Drop all the polite pretences and spill one another’s blood. He has enough suits to burn a second one, but then the Tsaritsa might become truly upset with him for ruining relations with Monstadt as well as Liyue.
“You’re not supposed to be in the Goth Grand Hotel.”
“I got a warrant when I heard about the tragedy last night,” how had he learned so quickly? Did Diluc go to him first? “So strange that a Fatui would wander over to Wolvendom.”
Childe shrugs, keeping his smile light but deliberate, “Ah, it’s so boring here; I can’t blame him for sneaking out for some adventure. It’s not really a matter that requires investigation, especially not from the Knights.”
“I’m sure you’ll find that deaths that occur on Monstadt soil are always the business of the Knights of Favonius,” Kaeya stands, wiping his hands on his trousers as though his gloves were messied by their foray into Mikhail’s dresser. He meets Childe’s eyes with a cutting smile plastered across his own face, “As his superior, you must be just as eager to learn the details that led to this man’s death, hm?”
“Of course.”
As Kaeya leaves, Childe summons his bow and aims through the open window. Ah, how easy it would be to let his finger twitch and release an arrow. But it's the daytime and it's obvious, plus it would pretty much confirm that Mikhail's death had been covered up if the man investigating it was suddenly killed.
He relaxes his arms and lowers the bow.
~~~
Kaeya isn't a completely morally upstanding citizen, but he does care about his idiotic, estranged brother. Cares enough to try and protect him from the Fatui Harbinger so obviously manipulating him, with enough faith not to worry about any minor assassination attempts upon Diluc's life.
(He retrieved the payment from Mikhail's room, so his actions cannot be traced back to Kaeya. Diluc would probably throw a fit and accuse him of ' finally acting on his grand evil plan '. So overdramatic.)
Spying on Childe is easy, mostly because the Knights don't question his motivations for wanting to keep a known enemy in check. He keeps sneaking into Dawn Winery at night, or Diluc shows up at the Goth Grand Hotel after scampering around Monstadt as the Darknight Hero. Kaeya finds it a lot harder to keep track of his comings and goings, as his stealth abilities greatly supersede his own, but knowing that at least twice a week ever since Childe showed up two months ago he goes over there…
He confronts him at the Angel's Share, with enough evidence now that Diluc won't be able to dodge questions. "Death After Noon?"
"I charge Knights double." Diluc replies as he wipes down a glass. It's early enough in the evening that most customers haven't arrived yet.
"That's discriminatory."
"I don't care."
The drink is slid over to him even so, brimming and perfectly mixed. Diluc isn't the passive aggressive type who'd mess with his order. Kaeya leaves him to the other patrons until his glass is half-empty, then raps his knuckles on the bar to regain Diluc's attention.
"Refill?" He requests. Then, when his brother is closer and he can speak without others overhearing - "I had an interesting chat with a certain Fatui today."
Diluc's expression doesn't betray anything, red strands stuck to his forehead with sweat and eyes focused on pouring the drink. "That so?"
"Childe, I'm sure you've heard. Been making trouble in Monstadt."
"Fatui causing problems isn't a new phenomenon." He deflects.
"Ah, but you see," Kaeya leans toward Diluc so he's forced to meet his gaze, "I have it on good authority that he's covering up the death of one of his own subordinates."
A subordinate sent after Diluc, whose death Childe is likely leveraging against him. If he just admits it then Kaeya can make the Harbinger go away.
Instead his brother scoffs, "treachery among their ranks isn't news either. You should be familiar."
He bites back the ' so should you '. He's trying to help the ungrateful asshole. "Surely you want any available information on the Fatui's business, though, to help you monitor them better?"
"I don't trust any information given freely." Someone else beckons Diluc and he pulls away from Kaeya, "now please finish your drink and make yourself scarce."
Childe must have some awful dirt on Diluc for him to be this difficult. Actually, no, he was always like this with Kaeya - he should have gotten Jean to corner Diluc at the winery in the daytime or something. Maybe interrogate Adelinde about his relationship with the Harbinger, since she is probably as concerned for him as Kaeya is. Then again, if Diluc saw him around the winery he might fight first, hear him out later.
He dumps some mora on the bar, not enough to cover his tab but he knows better than anyone that Angel Share's finances are not in any danger. Diluc should consider his generous help payment enough.
~~~
"I think Kaeya's trying to expose me as the Darknight Hero. He knows about Mikhail."
"Yep, he was searching his room earlier."
Diluc is sharpening his claymore in Childe's living quarters, sitting cross legged on the floor with the other man leaning over his back critiquing his work. He doesn't respond verbally to the tips because they're condescensing and he doesn't need advice from Fatui scum, but when Childe reaches to guide his wrists he lets him.
"Do you want me to kill him?" He asks with complete sincerity he doesn't know Diluc recognises.
"No. Let me handle it."
Kaeya is probably spying on them right now, Diluc knows he's been following Childe around at night. Didn't particularly care when he was leaving him out of it - what the Knights of Favonius do with the Fatui is not his business so long as neither mess with everyday Monstadt citizens - but now he is somewhat… Entangled with the Fatui.
Childe rests his chin on his shoulder, "But I'd love to murder a Knight of Favonius. You murdered a Fatui yesterday."
' He's still my brother ', he doesn't say. "You're free to kill as many Fatui as you would like."
"You're mean." But he's smiling, like he's thinking about it.
Sounds like a date, hunting down Fatui together. If only they went on dates, but Diluc would rather be caught dead than holding hands with a Harbinger.
Which…
"Kaeya doesn't know about us , right?" He asks, only mildly terrified of the idea of his brother knowing any information about his sex life.
Childe considers, not appearing to recognise the gravity of what this could mean for Diluc's dignity. "' Us '? Master Diluc, are you admitting there is an 'us' for him to know about?"
"Don't call me 'Master'." It feels foreign coming from Childe. He elbows him when he doesn't continue - "So? Do you think Kaeya knows?"
"I don't know. Maybe that's why he wants to prove you killed a man, because he thinks we're conspiring - I wish there was anything to conspire about in this city."
Childe starts talking closer to the skin of his neck, trying to be distracting. Diluc should shove him away now, instead of leaning back and resting his claymore on the floor. He should go back to worrying about getting arrested, or ensuring Kaeya doesn't get himself murdered for poking around. He thinks about this as Childe pulls him into his lap and starts mouthing at his throat properly, one hand coming up to untie his hair. Diluc reciprocates by gripping onto his thigh, humming through the attention.
He's pressed against the carpet with Childe's knee between his legs before he manages two more consecutive thoughts on all of that. Hydro curling over his chest, soaking through the fabric of his shirt. Diluc tugs Childe's hair to pull his mouth off his neck -
"I don't care if you use your vision, but don't use the delusion again."
Childe laughs, "You're starting to appreciate my special talents, huh? But it's way hotter when the sex is risky, so unless I can try shoving a hydro dagger down your throat…"
Diluc pulls his hair harder and scowls, "I'll burn you."
"I'd like that. I said ' hotter ', after all." Childe uses the hand he has on the back of his head to drag him up into a kiss, the force hurting.
Letting his arms fall to rest over the other man's shoulders, Diluc bites his bottom lip. Iron fills his mouth, making him smile against him, but Childe slams his head down to the floor in retribution. Pain erupts, Childe snickers even as blood drips down to Diluc's chin in two beads.
He gets more bruises dating the asshole than he ever did fighting him. It is sort of exciting. And a more effective way of keeping him too busy to take part in illicit Fatui activities.
~~~
"You're a much worse fighter than your brother," Childe teases, dodging around Kaeya's sword strike.
"I'm better at stealth than he is."
"You're dreaming with that."
Kaeya blasts ice down the length of his blade, interrupting Childe's hydro dagger with a frozen reaction. He's goading him by saying Diluc is the better fighter, though he hasn't actually duelled him since the night Crepus died to know for sure. Regardless, Kaeya is still the better match up against the Harbinger since Diluc would probably be cancelled out by his hydro vision or blasted back by the delusion.
Childe wrenches his arm back, releasing the dagger to construct an electro polearm to hold overhead. Kaeya ducks underneath his first swing, backing away onto the bank of Cider Lake. He kicks up some water and sends it shooting out as icy fractals that are superconducted off course. Childe's stamina doesn't appear to be depleting, while Kaeya has begun panting with the effort of moulding his cryo into different shapes.
He knew Childe was a strong, flexible fighter when he confronted him here, as he snuck out of Monstadt City (most likely to go to the Winery, if history proved as evidence). Kaeya is perfectly capable too, especially with the element of surprise, but his approach to using his vision is fairly simplistic. His ice is very cold, his glacial waltz is strong - but keeping up with Childe's versatile style requires the sort of excessive, superfluous technique that would inspire a person to forge a phoenix out of pyro.
"You're out of your league, Captain Kaeya," he saunters closer and Kaeya retreats further onto the surface of the lake. "You're going to run away from a fight you started?"
He's not an idiot; he'll die if he keeps up this battle now. "Can't a guy change his mind halfway through?"
"Are you… Doing a euphemism?" A euphemism for what?
The confusion is good, though, as Childe pauses in his barrage of attacks and Kaeya sends more cover icicles down on him. At range neither of them have the advantage, or so he thought; Childe snaps his electro polearm down the middle, reforming it into a bow.
"I'd rather you come back to the shore for a proper fight - I might accidentally drown you after an electro-charge, or hit something vital when you dodge." He says casually, even as he readies his weapon.
Kaeya feels the frozen lake beneath his feet tilt, as he loses focus. "That's how fights work, you know, but I can just freeze your arrows midair." That's a bluff; electro arrows would be too fast to dodge or break down with a superconduct. Childe probably recognises that.
"Eh, I said I wouldn't kill you. It is kind of interesting to hold back on occasion, a new kind of challenge." Childe sighs, like this is a true chore for him. "Diluc didn't add a clause for if you tried to murder me, though, and I guess he just told me to stay out of it… Maybe I can kill you."
"Why're you talking about my death with Diluc? Is that how you're blackmailing him?"
Childe lowers his bow, the electro arrow fizzling out into purple particles. "Blackmail?"
"The way you're keeping Diluc under your thumb, forcing him into your nighttime rendez-vous -"
For perhaps the first time, Childe appears genuinely shocked out of the fight. His bow completely dissipates and he just… Stares at Kaeya, as though it's so surprising the knight figured out his schemes after so many weeks of surveillance. Kaeya puffs up a little at the idea that he's out-smarted a Harbinger, taking a step forwards back towards the shore.
Then Childe starts laughing, a smile creasing the corners of his mouth and letting chuckles bubble up. Would be a perfect time to strike.
"Oh my God, I thought Diluc was just super optimistic but you really don't know." He motions with one hand and Cider Lake spits up a spout right beneath the frozen platform. Kaeya trips forward, into the shore.
He grimaces around the sand in his mouth. "What exactly don't I know?"
"Diluc and I are not spending our nights scheming and I'm certainly not manipulating him into the Fatui's clutches, or whatever other fantasy you've thought up -" Childe says, leaning over Kaeya, "- we're sleeping together ."
"Diluc doesn't have sex; he's my brother."
"Well he's not having sex with you."
Kaeya chokes, feeling frostbite at the hem of his shirt. Childe has the gall to saunter away, laughing, while he's stuck rooted in place.
Diluc… And a Harbinger? His face heats up despite the cold of his vision spreading outside of his control.
~~~
The amount of warning Diluc gets before Kaeya is pounding at the Winery door is thirteen minutes. Childe had suggested they pass that time in a way that he truly cannot think about while knowing that his brother is on his way over, so instead they wait in the dining room with Adelinde dithering between them and the door with a tray of afternoon tea.
She is the one who lets Kaeya inside, though she makes the smart decision to leave on an errand as soon as he has passed the threshold.
Kaeya scowls as he marches into the room, "You're both under arrest."
"What for?"
"Fatui Harbinger," he points to Childe, then to Diluc - "and vigilante."
Technically he cannot take Childe into custody just for having a high rank in a foreign military force. He can, however, arrest Diluc for acting outside of the law over and over again, engaging in foreign conspiracy, stalking Favonius operations and unlawfully attacking foreign diplomats (and occasionally killing them in self-defence).
Childe replies in his stead, which would be for the best except - "I think you mean: 'guy sleeping with your brother'," he sticks both of his thumbs toward himself, "and your brother who is encouraging said nighttime activities -"
Kaeya slashes his sword into the table, "That is extremely disrespectful behaviour to display toward a Knight of Favonius."
"You're not arresting us," Diluc cuts in before Childe decides to attack back. "You have no evidence."
"Well, my correspondence with Lady Keqing is enough to have this Harbinger deported once Jean hears about his crimes in Liyue."
Childe scoffs, "Good luck getting me out of this country by force without losing half your army. Oh wait, you're already operating at only a quarter of your capacity, isn't that right, Captain Kaeya? Where is your cavalry again?"
Goading him right now is a bad idea. But Kaeya is constantly trying to provoke any reaction out Diluc, so he can't help but add - "You're making a scene now, Kaeya, but I've done more to protect Monstadt from the Fatui by, ah, conspiring with them, than the Knights have by surveilling them with all your resources."
Kaeya takes a visible breath in, like he's trying to calm himself down. It's a regrettably satisfying sight, which is quickly soured as he chooses not to turn to Diluc for a proper argument and instead leans over Childe.
(Maybe they should have gotten up from their chairs when Kaeya stabbed the table they are sitting at.)
"Lord Harbinger," Kaeya puts on his best 'official knight' voice, "You will leave Monstadt without a fight."
"How do you figure?"
"While you may have diplomatic immunity, Master Diluc here is not so fortunate. If you do not return to Snezhnaya, I will reveal the Darknight Hero's identity to the rest of the Knights and you will need to visit him in prison." He smiles as Childe's jaw clicks shut.
However, Diluc can see the bluff - "You aren't so cruel as to have me arrested, even if you are… Agitated by my relationship with a Fatui Harbinger. If you have had suspicions about the Darknight Hero this whole time then you would have already made a move against me."
No, it doesn't make sense for Kaeya to use Diluc's freedom to blackmail Childe. Diluc expects him to hold his authority as a Knight over him to control him , but Kaeya has no reason to give up that leverage to regulate Childe. That is way too close to actually doing his job as a protector of Monstadt.
Kaeya rolls his eyes, "You should be taking me seriously, Master Diluc. You know, from my perspective I either leave you to your own devices, obviously under the thumb of an enemy soldier," huh? "Or I do my job. This leads to either one fewer Fatui in Monstadt or you under custody so you can get over whatever Stockholm Syndrome you've found yourself afflicted with."
Now Diluc actually does stand up, because "You think I have so little autonomy that you're arresting me so I don't get myself into trouble?!"
"Well someone has to! I thought you had at least a lick of sense in your empty head, but now I hear that you're not just being blackmailed or anything so simple, but in fact letting a Fatui Harbinger f-"
" One more word and incinerate the skin on the inside of your mouth. " Diluc warns, pointedly ignoring the way Childe's cheeks gain a pink tinge at the threat.
Kaeya does shut up, even though he doesn't look happy about it. They are barrelling towards a fight, which he really has no interest in, and he cannot help but feel that Kaeya is in much the same boat. While everything Diluc hears might be royally pissing him off right now, he is still paying enough attention to recognise that Kaeya isn't trying to be a terrible person right now.
If anything, all of the irritating comments that leave his mouth seem to be borne from protectiveness rather than a desire to actually anger Diluc.
With that in mind, he doesn't reach for his claymore. "Sorry. I won't burn your tongue off."
"Wow. Thank you for your mercy." He tries not to let that jab bother him. Kaeya is right to feel affronted when he might just be trying to be kind, in his own way.
"I'm not, uh, being tricked. Just so you know." Diluc attempts to reassure.
"If anything, he's the one taking advantage of me." Childe says coyly.
They both ignore him, "How am I supposed to believe that? You have hated the Fatui for years, and now you're suddenly dating one of them? Dating one of the Harbingers, of all things?!"
There isn't a concise way to explain how Childe burrowed his way into his heart. More than that, any explanation Diluc could offer would probably still be passed over as a symptom of the Fatui's cruel emotional machinations.
"Thank you," Diluc tries instead, even if he still feels a fair deal of anger with his brother, "for caring. It's nice to hear."
"Oh. Um." Kaeya hesitates, like he has only just realised that he's acting like an actually considerate brother. "I'm just doing my job to safeguard the ordinary citizens of Monstadt. Which includes you ."
Yes, Diluc recalls.
"Are you arresting us or not?" Childe interrupts the moment, but that's preferable to the two of them trying to keep up a genuine conversation on their own. "I'd rather have that afternoon tea Miss Adelinde left on the counter than jail food, but if we’ve got the rest of the day free I’d appreciate a trip to Good Hunter instead."
Kaeya considers for a moment, looking between Diluc and Childe. He sighs, "No, I'm not arresting either of you today. But keep this whole…" he gestures to the both of them with a grimace, "thing, a better secret. I don't need to know that you're going into one another's bedroom whenever you sneak around at night and I definitely don't want to know now that I am aware of what you're doing up there."
Ew. Yes, good call. "Stop following Childe around at night and I'm sure you'll find that a non-issue."
"Not just a problem at night." Childe sniggers.
Kaeya does not join them for afternoon tea, which is probably for the best. Either he would get over his stint of authentic emotion and start teasing him, or he would keep up the 'protective brother' act and harp on Childe until a fight really does break out.
It was nice to see him, though. Even as Childe laughs at him for Kaeya's melodramatic antics and Diluc has to consider whether Kaeya ever will leverage his identity as the Darknight Hero against him, just introducing his 'boyfriend' to the last remnants of a 'family' he has left was a moment of domesticity he hadn't known he'd been craving, between the late night rendez-vous and criminal behaviours.
"We should go on a date," Diluc decides, to Childe's immediate grin, "one where we don't commit any crimes."
The clarification seemed necessary but Childe's expression doesn't sour whatsoever, "I would be most honoured, Master Diluc."
He fakes a retch and Childe squeezes him into a side hug - he can't help but smile into the crook of neck.