Chapter Text
There is something especially soothing in the way the rippling waters of Han River reflect its many street lamps at dusk.
It is most always a calming scene, with the gentle sound of water lapping against stone pillars and the occasional biker passing through the pathway. Beomgyu finds himself coming here more often than not: to relax and clear his mind, to work on music, or even to just feel the cool wind against his face.
Except now, he's not here for any of those reasons. Beomgyu watches as the river's reflection of street lamps grows misshapen with the harsh pattering of rain. He's alone, the chaos of the storm mirroring his own emotions. He grips onto the slippery metal rail of the bridge, knuckles white, and gasps out in agony.
As he tips his head back, the rain becomes indistinguishable from his tears. He allows those hot tears to escape; a product of his exhaustion and physical pain, his longing to temporarily live a normal life, and his own mortification in being in such a pitiful state for such mundane reasons.
On occasion, Beomgyu comes to Han River to avoid having his members see this dark side of him. It's a side that he keeps bottled up for the benefit of those around him and for himself. But when he's alone he can release it knowing that he isn't making a brow furrow with worry.
He doesn't mind the cold rain seeping through his clothes or the icy wind whipping against him. He takes it in; feels it deeply as if it were one with him. At least it helps him drown out the dull ache in his muscles from hours upon hours of rigorous dance practice and promotional activities.
Yes, this is what he needs. He releases his firm grip on the rail and slides down until his back and head rest against it. He could fall asleep like this, with the loud splashing of the rain and the glittering yellow light shining upon his face.
He finally feels at rest for the first time in a long time. Time seems unmoving, and he cherishes it deeply.
That is...until a familiar shout pierces through the rain, snapping him out of whatever state he was currently in.
"Yah! Beomgyu-yah!"
Beomgyu's eyes snap open as his head reflexively turns towards the source of the disturbance. Standing across the bridge, umbrella in hand, is someone who he would never expect to see out in the rain.
"Soobin hyung?" He murmurs in shock.
The elder starts walking towards him, shaking his head from side to side in clear disproval. Beomgyu follows him with his eyes as Soobin grows closer, raindrops falling upon his eyelashes as he looks up.
The umbrella shields his body from the rain when Soobin is within a foot of him and it isn't so hard to look him in the eyes anymore. Ignoring the question of how Soobin knew he would be here in the first place, Beomgyu mentally prepares for the scolding he's about to get from the group's leader.
"What do you think you're doing here right now?" Soobin questions, dark eyes filled with anger, "Without telling any of us, too!"
For some reason, Beomgyu can't seem to form words on his tongue. It might have something to do with Soobin's raised voice, with the harshness in his tone. He looks away from that reprimanding stare and instead watches the rain pointedly as it splashes against the pavement. He didn't want to burden any of the members. That had been the whole reason for him coming here. But he really just made things worse.
"I didn't want to make any of you worry," he manages, fidgeting with the edges of his dripping jacket. "You should leave, hyung. You hate the rain."
"Yah, you really thought we wouldn't worry when you suddenly disappeared at night, leaving your belongings and your phone? Did you think we wouldn't worry when you came home with soaked clothes and a fever?"
Beomgyu stills, looking up at him guiltily. He hadn't thought of that, but now he's starting to feel the chill of being soaked through; his whole body shudders visibly.
Soobin's expression softens. He reaches down and wraps his arm around Beomgyu middle to lift him up. The younger lets him, feeling that uncomfortable lump form in his throat once again.
Wordlessly, Soobin pushes Beomgyu's jacket off his shoulders with his free hand and helps him out of it. Beomgyu eyes him in confusion but takes it off fully, leaving his body in nothing but a thin t-shirt. Soobin grabs the jacket and the handle of the umbrella, while shrugging off his own dry coat.
Then it dawns on Beomgyu. "Hyung, please don't-" He protests, pulling at his arm.
Soobin acts as if he didn't hear Beomgyu and finishes taking off his coat. Beomgyu can only be grateful he's wearing a sweater underneath it. No matter how much he wills against it, Beomgyu shivers again and goosebumps travel along the skin of his bare arms. Soobin seems to notice because he eyes his evidently freezing body before looking back up at him. Even in the cold, Beomgyu feels warmth bloom at the tips of his ears from the sudden attention.
"Hold this," Soobin says, pushing the jacket and umbrella handle into Beomgyu's hands.
The taller boy steps closer, pulling the gigantic coat over Beomgyu's shoulders and helping him slide each of his arms through the sleeves. The whole time, Beomgyu makes sure the umbrella covers the entirety of Soobin. The last thing he wants is for the elder to get wet too.
But his eyes can't help but fix onto Soobin's face to see what kind of expression lies there. Beomgyu is taken aback a bit when his eyes meet brown ones filled with genuine concern and tenderness.
As the warmth of Soobin's coat bleeds through his soaked shirt, Beomgyu feels his body stop shaking. He can't look away from those eyes that make his face grow warm on its own. He notices that Soobin doesn't remove his hands from the edges of the coat. They linger there, keeping the coat snug around his body.
"Thank you, Soobin hyung," Beomgyu whispers with heated cheeks.
Soobin nods but doesn't make an effort to step away from Beomgyu. "Tell me...why are you here?"
Unexpecting the question, Beomgyu avoids Soobin's eyes and replies shakily, "I just wanted to take a walk in the rain-"
"Don't lie," Soobin interjects sternly.
Beomgyu stares at the ground, watching Soobin step even closer before he feels fingers at his chin. Soobin lifts his face to look him in the eyes again. Beomgyu feels his heart flutter at the action and at those eyes on him, searching. He isn't used to having Soobin's attention on him for this long.
"We used to talk comfortably when we shared a room," Soobin reminds, "You don't have to suffer on your own."
Beomgyu knows this and trusts Soobin endlessly. But the thing is, Beomgyu knows he'll burst into tears again if he tries to talk out his troubles with his caring leader. He doesn't want to push his problems onto the other, he already has enough to deal with. But Soobin is waiting, and he won't budge until Beomgyu tells him everything.
"I... I think I'm just burnt out. I know this is normal but my body is sore and it hurts to practice for so long even though I need it," he starts as Soobin listens intently. "I miss my family and those days where I wouldn't have a million things to do in a day. It's not like I don't want to continue, I just need some time to myself to vent my emotions. It's really nothing, I'll feel better in no time."
Beomgyu doesn't want to see the pity in Soobin's eyes, so he glances off to the side at a raindrop covered street lamp. He tries not to blink, but the tear falls anyway. What he doesn't expect, is for Soobin to brush the tear away with his thumb. Beomgyu reflexively looks up to see brown eyes filled with nothing but fondness.
Soobin's thumb stays at Beomgyu's cheek, brushing the skin back and forth affectionately. The younger's heart flutters and he feels a surge of warmth. His skin burns under the gentle touch...he's definitely blushing. He'd forgotten the way Soobin's caring touches make him feel.
But then Soobin whispers, "It's okay to feel this way, Gyu-yah. You never have to hide it from us," before pulling Beomgyu into a warm embrace.
Beomgyu feels his grip on the umbrella weaken; if it weren't for Soobin's strong grip on his body, he likely would've collapsed. He feels a warm hand rub and pat his back comfortingly, the other arm wrapped securely around his waist, and it's enough. Beomgyu can't help but bury his face in the elder's shoulder and let those remaining tears fall.
With his face pressed against his leader like this, Beomgyu is able to breathe in the sweet scent of vanilla and musk, and a hint of something that is so entirely Soobin. The scent is nostalgic, instilling in Beomgyu a sense of comfort he hasn't felt in such a long time. It reminds him of those nights when he would crawl into Soobin's bed and whisper with him for hours about nothing in particular. It reminds him of those mornings in which they would wake up from bright sunlight streaming through closed curtains, their limbs tangled with each others.
And god, he misses his roommate.
Beomgyu wraps his free arm around Soobin's shoulders and tugs him impossibly closer, nuzzling his face in his warmth. The rain patters loudly still, but all Beomgyu can hear is the pounding of his own heart as Soobin presses his fingers more firmly against his back.
At some point, the handle of the umbrella as well as his jacket slip from Beomgyu's hands and fall to the ground with a wet thump, but neither of them acknowledge it. They hold onto each other like they're the others' lifelines, and they are. Beomgyu has never felt a warmth this intense, and in the rain no less. He's never felt more alive, more empowered.
For what seems like forever, they stand there wrapped up in each other, not caring as the rain soaks through both of their clothes once again. Beomgyu reaches to hold Soobin anywhere he can feel his warm skin. His shoulders, neck, face. As Soobin gazes at him gently, Beomgyu suddenly has an overwhelming need to feel those soft features with his fingers.
With a newfound confidence, he does. Soobin's arms are still wrapped snug around his waist, as Beomgyu traces his fingertips featherlight across his forehead, which is covered with stringy, wet hair. The touch calms him immensely, from the fact that he can feel Soobin under his fingertips, warm, solid, alive. Soobin's eyes widen slightly, but they don't stray away from Beomgyu's face. He doesn't move an inch, a sign for Beomgyu to continue.
He runs his fingertips over the pretty arch of his eyebrows, the smooth curve of his nose, the flawless expanse of his cheeks, and...
Beomgyu stills when his fingertips lightly graze over Soobin's soft, pink lips. He stares at them, his breath caught in his throat.
They look warm, inviting. Beomgyu wants to know how they feel, wants to succumb so badly to the gravitational-like pull between them, until he can feel the other's breath against his own lips. But then his eyes catch sight of Soobin's, wide and surprised, and he's snapped out of his reverie.
He pulls back, as if shocked, and looks up at Soobin apologetically. It is then that he notices how drenched they both are and sees their discarded umbrella filling up with rainwater.
He turns to look back at Soobin, mortified. "Soobin hyung, I-"
Before he can finish, his now cold hand is suddenly engulfed in warmth once again as Soobin grabs onto it. Beomgyu trails off, losing his words when Soobin brings his hand to his mouth and presses his lips to it. Beomgyu gasps at the feeling and Soobin smiles against his skin.
"You can feel them all you want," Soobin whispers, his hot breath making Beomgyu shudder.
A new warmth fills Beomgyu as he watches Soobin press light kisses to the entirety of his hand. It manifests itself in the color of Beomgyu's cheeks and the tips of his ears.
"Hyung."
A kiss to each of his fingers. A kiss to his knuckles. Beomgyu thinks he really will collapse, if he keeps watching the way Soobin's hand covers all of Beomgyu's, the way his eyes focus on Beomgyu only as he continuously kisses his hand.
So he pulls his hand from Soobin's gentle grip and holds his face instead. "Hyung, please," he whispers, eyes flitting back and forth from Soobin's dark eyes to his quivering lips.
He can't express how much he wants to kiss Soobin right then and there. It's the only thing he wants, the only thing he needs. He sighs in desire and longing, hoping that Soobin will take the hint and just—
Not even a second passes before Soobin leans forward, sealing the small gap between their lips.
The effect is immediate, Beomgyu's entire body lighting up with pleasure and longing. His heart mirrors the intense rippling of the lake's waters, turning and flipping inside his chest all from the simple touch. All he can do in this moment is hold onto Soobin for dear life and attempt to process the fact that this is actually happening.
Soobin...his beloved leader and ex roommate is kissing him. Kissing Beomgyu.
Nothing could have prepared him for the feeling of Soobin's lips against his. They're soft and warm, curving and molding against his own lips with a subtle intensity that makes his knees quiver. Beomgyu can't get enough. But just as he finally starts to grow more comfortable, to melt into the kiss, Soobin's lips break away.
Beomgyu can't help but chase after those lips that make him feel so warm in the midst of a freezing downpour, but his lips are met with a few fingers instead.
He opens his eyes in confusion and finally sees Soobin, sees those gorgeous features that shine so brightly even in the dim lighting.
Raindrops fall into Beomgyu's eyes as he takes in the elder's gentle eyes filled with a desire that hadn't been present before and swollen, slightly parted lips. Beomgyu feels all the breath being knocked out of him once again.
"Let's get out of here first," Soobin whispers, his thumb skimming over Beomgyu's tingling lips.
The phrasing is short, vague, but it also presents an opportunity, an implication. Just the thought of continuing has his heart thrumming from excitement and he replies by pressing his lips to the pad of Soobin's thumb, fluttering his eyes closed.
Even with the loud pattering of rain against the concrete, Beomgyu can hear a shaky inhale from the other.
Beomgyu flushes from the fact that the two are absolutely drenched even with an umbrella present. He hopes their driver won't be questioning them, he really doesn't have a rational explanation for all of this.
They look at the dripping items on the floor, at the overturned umbrella filled to the brim with rainwater, and at each other, and something about it is so ridiculous that they burst out laughing. Beomgyu throws his head back, any previous upsetting thoughts long forgotten.
After grabbing their things, they run together towards the car parked in the distance, only the sound of the rain and breathless laughs whistling in their ears.
And when Soobin turns to look at him, his sweet, dimpled smile is more soothing than anything else in the world.