Work Text:
„How do you help someone when what they’ve become cannot be helped?“
-
A great many things were running through Sunoo‘s head as he watched the blurry images of trees passing by the car window on his way back to their dorm. For the first time since meeting him during I-Land, the ghostly pale boy sitting next to him, engulfed in a soft slumber, didn’t make him feel any better, quite the opposite.
But as with almost everything in life, things didn’t start in the backseats of a dim van but rather —at least where the both of them were concerned— amid life itself, surrounded by the reverberations of deafening dance beats and eyes that revealed more than they intended.
-
“A-and that’s a wrap!“ Their dance instructor exclaimed exuberantly, clearly satisfied with the outcome. After the umpteenth time of meticulously repeating the same choreography over and over again with him, she had finally given Sunoo the okay to leave.
Sunoo, to whom the idea of his own funeral had seemed more appealing than having to go over the moves just one more time at that point, didn’t need to be told twice. Huffing and puffing and with the very last bit of energy he could muster, he heaved himself off the floor to gather a water bottle, his phone as well as the charger he’d brought with him to practice. It was only then that he noticed several missed calls by Jungwon.
“Ah, darn it“, he mumbled to himself while moving a hand through his damp hair in frustration. Tonight was supposed to be movie night, of course, he remembered while bowing to the woman before rushing out of the room, although crawling would’ve been the more accurate depiction.
Upon exiting the building, he was embraced by the cool breeze of Seoul’s evening air, which, to him, has always had a special feeling he couldn’t exactly pinpoint. From the corner of his eye, he spotted their staff member waving him over to a van that would drive him back home.
His mind, which had gotten hazier by the minute, caused him to overlook the empty Coca-Cola can that had been carelessly thrown onto the pavement. That misstep almost sent him tumbling to the ground had it not been for Riki who had been recording for their latest album but suddenly appeared out of nowhere and gripped his sweater with so much force the older boy landed in his arms, looking at him with wide eyes.
“Careful, Hyung“, he said with audible concern in his voice.
Sunoo only managed a sheepish smile. “Thanks. Can you tell I’ve been dancing for the past three hours straight?“
Feigning serenity, he led the both of them to the car that still stood waiting in the parking lot, allowing the younger to climb in before him.
Riki grinned boyishly. “Hard to miss, Hyung. Though you do look like you could use a nap.“
“Not just any nap, a power nap.“ Sunoo corrected with a casual laugh, urging himself to tighten the imaginary leash around his composure.
Pull yourself together already.
He knew he should’ve just been thankful for the help and let it slide, however, he couldn’t shake off the uncertainty rumbling in his belly at the sight of the speed with which the younger had prevented his fall. Somehow, and he couldn’t point a finger as to why exactly, it felt surreal, unnatural.
He’d never seen anyone act that fast, not even Sunghoon when he was figure skating, and he was fairly certain that the speed he went at was hard to beat. Or maybe, he reasoned, it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. Although, deep inside, he was aware that there was no way to logically justify what had just happened. A similar incident had occurred two weeks prior and despite Sunoo trying his hardest to suppress it, and neglect the facts for the sake of comfort and convenience, he had to acknowledge that brushing it off again wasn’t going to solve anything.
He would have to talk to their maknae, the cocky dance prodigy he’d grown to love so dearly.
He nodded to no one in particular as if trying to reassure himself of the necessity of his plans while taking a chaste glance at said boy who had already fallen asleep in the seat next to him. He looks so… innocent, Sunoo thought absentmindedly. He admonished himself then, stop acting all silly because of something so minor. He’s still Riki. He’s still your friend.
Sunoo smiled though the action left a bitter taste in his mouth.
⁃
The following morning started harmless, peaceful even. Their original schedules had been cancelled last-minute due to the boiling summer heat that permeated the atmosphere, making it near impossible to move without breaking a sweat. Heeseung, allegedly having waited for both Sunoo and Riki to return home, was still asleep in bed, though Jungwon insisted he caught him playing video games until the wee hours.
It was already afternoon when the rest of the members figured they would spend the day swimming at a place Jay had visited a while ago. Sunoo on the other hand thought it best to stay home and recover, already picturing his circulation crashing if he wouldn’t. At that, Riki’s voice rang out from the kitchen announcing he would join the elder to ensure he wouldn’t faint without anyone there to notice. The decision was met with empathetic nods and shortly after the front door could be heard clicking shut, the sound of excited chatter slowly fading.
While trying to cool himself down with some cooling spray he had found in his drawer, Sunoo could practically feel the younger‘s eyes on his back. Without the need to even look at him, he could tell that the intensity of his stare had become almost corporeal.
“I know you want to talk, Hyung. I can see it in your eyes. It’s either now or never.“
-
For someone as open-minded as him, Sunoo liked to think of himself as mature enough to address an issue the moment it arises, however, Riki’s straightforwardness disabused that perception quite quickly. To his great dismay, Sunoo wasn’t nearly as collected as he would’ve preferred. With the younger‘s question still lingering in the air, his first instinct was to run, which —under these circumstances— he knew would’ve made him look even more like a fool, so he decided it was for the best to take a deep breath and face the situation.
Bracing himself, he slowly turned around to meet eyes with Riki, who was standing in the doorway and shot him an expectant look. “My eyes, huh?“ Sunoo inquired lamely for he didn’t have it in him to come up with a more sassy or eloquent remark.
“Yeah“, their maknae replied nonchalantly while quirking an eyebrow at him.
“So, do you want to keep chit-chatting like we’re old ladies on a day trip or how’s this gonna go? I’d like things to be good between us again, you know…“, Riki spoke, suddenly holding the spray Sunoo had been cradling in his hands just a few seconds ago. He held it up to his face.
“What’s that supposed to do anyway?“ He asked while inspecting its glistening content suspiciously.
“Exactly what it says on the front. Have you gotten illiterate all of a sudden?“ Sunoo said with played bewilderment, glad he had finally regained some control over the situation.
Here was something about people not anyone might be aware of: everyone, whether it be deliberately or not, had ways of covering up their insecurities in the hopes that doing so would deem them more acceptable, more worthy of respect by people they wouldn’t ever go to advice for, though that was a story for another day.
Riki‘s way of obscuring himself, if one could go as far as calling it that, was grabbing on to someone else’s doings as a way of deflecting attention from his own. It had taken some time but now Sunoo knew better than to act on the younger‘s tactics. Instead, he just smiled knowingly.
“Now then, shall we attend to the more urgent issues?“ You could still run, his mind reminded him. In a defiant attempt to shut it off once and for all, he proceeded into the living room but got interrupted by the younger boy.
“Would you mind if we would go somewhere more…private, Hyung? I really wouldn’t want Heeseung-Hyung walking in on us“. Riki gave him a lopsided sneer looking all the more the 16-year-old he was. Sunoo gave him a curious look but nodded regardless.
“Sure thing. Where do you suggest?“
“The makeup room maybe? The bathroom is definitely too small for two people.“
Sunoo shrugged. “Jay-Hyung and Jungwon-ah made it work just fine.“
Riki looked both disgusted and intrigued. „What a sickening idea. Compels me though”, he remarked sarcastically and Sunoo was certain he’d heard that line before in a movie they'd watched.
Reflecting on what he just said, he weighed his options. He could keep playing pretend, be the aloof sunny boy and act as though the younger’s sudden shift in behaviour didn’t affect him the least or, and that decision felt a whole lot more authentic, he could try to be just a tad bit more vulnerable and leave those silly games behind.
“I’m sorry. Truth be told, it’s all a little overwhelming for me at the moment.“ He started, ushering them into the makeup room before gently closing the door behind them. „We used to be so close but lately I’ve been getting the impression that we’re slowly drifting apart and I genuinely don’t know what to say or do to make it stop.“ He said, speaking so quickly he feared his sentences would end up as incoherent nonsense though Riki didn’t seem to mind.
So much for a tad bit.
As far as Sunoo’s tactics went, his preferred way of obscuring himself had to be oversharing. Which, if looked at it that way, didn’t seem like obscuring at all. He was so lost in his thoughts that it took him a moment to realise Riki had started speaking again.
“Well, you’re not entirely wrong about that part, Hyung. Though I can assure you the majority of it you probably just imagined in your head. It’s not like I’m purposefully trying to distance myself from you.“ Riki sat down on a chair, propping his chin on his elbows while watching Sunoo rummaging through the many drawers of their makeup table.
The elder gave a hum as he finally fished out the object he’d been looking for. His eyebrows were furrowing in concentration as he applied the lip balm on his lips that had gotten dry from all the licking to calm himself down. After giving his reflection an approving nod in the mirror, he continued to sit on the floor on the opposite side of Riki, watching him watch him through dark eyes.
After a moment of silence, Riki began to speak, seemingly fighting himself internally with what he was about to say.
“There‘s…“, he trailed off, letting out a dry, humourless laugh akin to a low groan that had Sunoo shudder involuntarily. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to talk about with you. I’ve just never gotten the chance to do it up until now.“ Riki was fidgeting with the hem of the shirt he was wearing, opening a couple of buttons to let the air touch his skin.
“Jesus, why must it be so hot“, he grunted while moving a hand through his hair. The action made Sunoo feel like he was experiencing a déjà-vu even though he knew it was him who had done the same thing just yesterday.
“Did you already try talking to Jungwon about it? Not to rain on my own parade here, but he usually handles such matters better than I do“.
Riki gave him a contemplative look. “No, not yet. Actually-“, he paused, avoiding eye contact and instead fixated his gaze on the pictures hanging on the wall. There were so many of them yet he’d never paid much attention to what they actually depicted.
Them celebrating their first win. Their first day in their new dorm. Sunghoon with Jake and Gaeul. Jay and Jungwon cooking in the kitchen. Heeseung captured in his natural habitat: playing video games on their TV.
And then there was a selfie of the both of them, Sunoo and him, taken during one of their walks through the vivid frenzy that was Seoul‘s nightlife. Sunoo must’ve hung it up there without telling him. He had been the one coming up with the idea of taking regular walks through the city to slowly accustom the younger to his new home.
Riki felt the urge to gulp. How much of who I think I am is actually imparted by my friends? Too much, was the whispering answer coming from inside his head. It took him a couple of seconds until he could trust his voice enough to continue speaking again.
“It’s honestly not something I feel like sharing with everyone. At least not yet. I mean sure Jungwon-Hyung is our leader and I appreciate everything he does for us, but you’re the person I trust the most and so I was hoping we could figure this out together.“ Riki wetted his lips in deep contemplation while glancing out of the window right next to him though Sunoo was pretty sure he didn’t pay the scenery much mind.
He considered Riki’s words for a while.
“I see.” He nodded understandingly. “In that case, if you want me to help you then sure; I’d be happy to. As long as it doesn’t require me to jump out of a building, that is.“ He grinned mildly.
Riki's smile was brief, a mere twitch. “No, as far as I’m concerned that’s not on the list.“ Then he turned serious again.
For a while, no one dared to speak and eventually it dawned upon Sunoo that the younger wasn’t going to make the first move anytime soon. After the initial wave of fear had receded, he decided to cross that invisible barrier he’d constructed for himself, swallowing down every negative outcome his mind had kindly provided him with to scoot a little closer to the other boy, making sure to still leave a considerable amount of space between them.
“Why don’t we just start with the beginning? Surely there must’ve been one, right?“, he mused, locking eyes with Riki who looked even paler than usual.
The boy’s face was stern. Every remnant of playfulness had left his features. Then he nodded as if trying to come to terms with the fact that from now on there would be no turning back.
“Do you believe in fairy tales, Hyung?”
-
Isn’t it funny, Sunoo thought, how we can never be fully certain what burdens others have to carry until they come and tell us?
“So what you’re saying is that you can smell me? As in, you can smell my blood?” He asked. The younger’s gaze on him made him hug his knees toward his chest although the more rational part of his brain appeased him that Riki wouldn’t just jump on him.
“Yes.”
“Is that why you were so quick to help me yesterday? Because you already knew where to find me?” In the back of his mind, he knew he was still holding onto the lip balm though for some reason his hands had become numb to the sensation.
Another nod. "Pretty much so, yeah.”
Riki looked as though he wanted to continue but got abruptly interrupted by the sound of a harsh knock on the door. Slightly irritated he sat up in his chair, his eyebrows furrowed ever so slightly and Sunoo wasn’t sure if he had just imagined the light glimmer of red that had flashed across his eyes like ruby lightning.
“Just give us one more minute, Hyung! We’re almost done here!” He called out to the elder. On the other side, a resigned “Alright alright“ sounded, followed by the muffled waddling of flip-flops.
Sunoo remained relatively unfazed by the disturbance. The only thing he could focus on was how Riki seemed to be more concerned with Heeseung finding them casually sitting in a room than with what he had just confessed to him. Although Sunoo doubted 'confessed' was the right word to use in that context. Confessing you did after having purposefully done something bad. Riki on the other hand…well, could you truly blame someone who had found out just four weeks ago they’re a vampire?
Isn’t it funny? Sunoo repeated in his head and was certain a plethora of stories could be started that way.
It was at that moment that he realised the boy opposite to him might’ve been just a boy but he also hid something much deeper, darker somehow. And as much as that idea frightened Sunoo, he was determined to not leave him alone to cope.
After having successfully chased away his Hyung, Riki turned around to Sunoo one more time. The emotions mirrored in his face were mixed. Disbelief. Defencelessness. Hope.
“Do you believe me, Hyung?” He breathed out.
Sunoo slowly made his way up from the ground, standing still for a couple of seconds to let the dizziness in his head fade. “Why wouldn’t I, Riki-ah? I’ve seen your fangs with my own eyes.” He assured while pointing to the younger’s teeth which had already retracted by then.
Riki emitted a small laugh that came close to a cough. “Right.”
He was already at the door to press down the knob when Sunoo gripped his shirt. “Wait”, he said slightly out of breath. Looking into the other’s eyes without losing himself in the process was a task on its own so it took him a moment to gather his thoughts.
“I-I can help you.”
Riki looked dumbfounded but gave him a sympathetic smile nevertheless. “Thank you. But wasn’t that what we-”. Sunoo stopped him mid-sentence.
“No. That’s not what I’m talking about, Riki-ah. I mean the blood. You need to feed, don’t you?”
For a second or two, Riki’s expression turned completely unguarded. Sunoo could recognise the resistance yet also something darker, sinister that didn’t seem all that reluctant about his offer. Riki shut his eyes as if seized by migraine, blocking him out and leaving him with the premature, probably erroneous conclusions he thought he’d seen.
“Yeah, and kill you in the process. Not in your wildest dreams, Hyung.” The tremor in his voice was barely perceptible, a string yanked once, then allowed to return to rest.
-
By the time the others arrived back at their dorm, it was pouring outside. When Jake had called and informed them that they’d be starting back soon, the rumbling of thunder could already be heard in the distance. Now they were all gathered around the kitchen table and munching on the pizza Jay had taken the precaution of ordering. Riki had been silent throughout the entire conversation and excused himself early on to retreat to his bed, something he rarely did.
Fortunately, the rest of the group had already fallen into a heated debate about who among them had the highest chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse (as far as Sunoo could tell, none of them), so they didn’t do as much as dart a glance at their maknae leaving.
-
As everyone was getting ready for bed, Sunoo was lucky enough to find the pale boy sitting crouched on his bed. He had trouble making out his figure at first since he was almost completely engulfed in darkness and, dressed in a large black hoodie, blended into his surroundings nearly seamlessly.
"I was looking for you, Riki-ah“, he whispered into the dark.
He could hear the latter shift on his bed. "I figured as much. Are you aware that being so close to me might be a mistake or do you want me to remind you?“ He laughed, presumably to show he was at least partly joking.
Caught off guard by the comment, Sunoo could feel his palms starting to sweat. "Who says your presence intimidates me, huh?“
He flinched when he felt the younger grasp his shoulders all of a sudden. "Your heartbeat, duh“, he murmured teasingly as if to test how far he could go with the elder.
All Sunoo could do was huff in indignation. "Stop the childish games already!“ He turned away, hoping to cover his reddened cheeks. "Knowing I’ll be sharing the room with a blood extractor from now on isn’t exactly the thought I want to go to bed with but I’ll make it work. That’s not why I’m here though.“
Out of all possible reactions, Riki had the audacity to yawn. "I know“, he snickered darkly, dragging the 'o'. "Probably wanted to have 'the talk' with me, ain’t I right?“
Sunoo rubbed his forehead, trying to suppress the headache that was looming behind his temples. Please not now, he pleaded silently. Hit that brat instead.
From a more positive perspective, however, Sunoo was relieved to find that that cheerful side of Riki hadn’t vanished entirely.
"Well, not precisely but it’s close enough. I figured it might be useful if the both of us would go on a walk tonight. You know, like back in the old days“, Sunoo answered.
"Five months ago, you mean? Doesn’t seem that old to me. And sorry to inform you, Hyung, but in case you haven’t noticed, my social ineptitude has gotten rather“, Riki paused to think of a fitting word, "prominent lately, meaning hanging out with me would come close to a death sentence."
Sunoo shrugged. "We all have to die eventually. Might as well be grand about it.“
His response earnt him a laugh from Riki. "Sure, but that doesn’t mean you have to rush it. This right here“, he gestured towards his bed, "is as far as my socialisation extents.“
Sunoo gave him an incredulous look though he doubted the younger could see him, then again, he was a vampire. What did he not see? "Then make it extent farther“, he urged, growing increasingly impatient with the boy‘s adolescent antics. "It’s either that or I’ll tell Jungwon“, he added, the desperation of his efforts slowly becoming apparent.
"Snitch“, Riki hissed petulantly, though, to Sunoo‘s surprise, he didn’t protest any further and quietly marched toward the door.
"You comin' or what? Better not leave me on my own“, he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, "or else I might forget myself."
Sunoo didn’t think it was possible, but he rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that day.
"Looking for your brain, Hyung?“ Came the instant punishment for doing so and Sunoo made an internal note to buy a punchbag on his next day off.
-
On their way out, Heeseung shot them a weird look from the living room, probably wondering what they were up to at such an hour. "Isn’t it a little late to go grocery shopping?“ He inquired with a cheeky grin.
"It’s Friday so we won’t have any schedules tomorrow, besides you’re one to speak, Hyung, always staying up to play those video games of yours.“ Sunoo shot back in a sassy tone.
Just before they went into the corridor, he poked his head through the door one more time. "And for your information, we’re not going grocery shopping. We’re taking a walk.“
"We'Re tAkINg a waLK“, Heeseung mimicked mockingly.
Beside him, Sunoo could hear Riki suppress a snicker. "Seriously!“ He exclaimed slightly annoyed while adjusting his bucket hat as well as the mask that was supposed to keep him from being recognised, before urging Riki to do the same.
"I’m honestly looking forward to the day we can finally talk like adults.“ He muttered, then he motioned for Riki to follow him through the door, grinning to himself when he heard Heeseung choke on his Diet Coke. Serves you right.
When they stepped outside, Sunoo prepared himself to be hit by a hot flush but the storm had cooled down the atmosphere significantly, causing him to let out a relieved sigh. Weaving their way through the crowd, no one looked twice at their hooded figures. It was only then that Sunoo realised just how restricted their lives had truly become.
"Doesn’t it feel refreshing to be among people like this? Without having them screech or gape at us?“ He nudged the younger’s shoulder softly.
Riki nodded absentmindedly and Sunoo was about to complain when he felt Riki suddenly pulling him towards him to shield the boy from a man that would’ve almost run him over.
"That was already the third time I’ve saved your life, Hyung. To think that I’ve been a vampire for only a month. You’re welcome by the way." He said with an emphasised casualty, wrapping his arm around Sunoo's back.
"As for your question, I wouldn’t know now, would I? All I can think about is how unappetising their blood smells. Instead of pasting their bodies with lotion, they should seriously consider doing something about their blood quality.“
Sunoo didn’t intend to but he found himself involuntary laughing at the boy's remark. "Blood quality? I’m pretty sure that’s not on anyone's priority list. At least not on mine."
Riki shook his head. "You wouldn’t need that anyway."
At that, Sunoo gave him a searching look. "Did you just compliment my blood?"
Pretending to not have heard him, Riki pointed to a vending machine across the street. He rummaged through his pockets in the search of some money.
"I’m starving right now, Hyung! I’ll be back in a minute, just let me grab something."
Pulling his mask down to give him a prolonged look that suggested he didn’t believe him at all, Sunoo nodded vaguely. "Uh-huh, sure."
The boy returned shortly after, beaming and holding several bags of snacks in his hands.
"There goes my diet", he commented jollity, about to take a bite of his chocolate bar.
His elder's expression became earnest when he scolded, "Don’t you ever dare say that again! You don’t need any of that nonsense, you heard me?"
Riki grunted in disapproval. "I’ve been telling you the same for ages but you won’t listen to me either!" He pointed a finger at him accusingly. "Guess we’re even now." He then added with a sheepish smile before nudging his shoulder, just like Sunoo had done with him before. Internally admitting that there was indeed some truth to that claim, the latter suggested they go to the Han River, a place they'd visited many times before. Sunoo hoped the good memories would somehow make what he was planning to talk about with Riki less prevalent.
The remaining walk was spent in comfortable silence, except for the occasional Japanese curses slipping out of Riki's mouth whenever he let one of his precious sweets fall by accident. One would think that a vampire he’d have better instincts.
"I’m still new to the game, cut me some slack", he mumbled sulkily.
Sunoo's head shot towards him in surprise. "Don’t tell me you can read my thoughts, too, now?“
Throwing the emptied bags into a nearby bin, Riki laughed in amusement. "Nope, mere deductive reasoning." A slight kick into his side made him gasp.
"You tell yourself that." Sunoo, who was a few steps ahead of him by then, raised an eyebrow in played condescension.
All banter was forgotten once they'd reached their destination. Aware of how hackneyed it must’ve sounded had he told anyone yet nevertheless mesmerised by the sight of the water glistening under the moonlight, Sunoo slowly walked towards the bannister. His eyes soaked in the view hungrily, as though fearing it would be the last time to do so, holding on to the scenery like other people hold on to their partners when kissing them goodbye.
It'd been weeks since the last time they were allowed to go out and live life the way regular people would. Officially, they had adhered to the rules, of course. Unofficially, however, they’d sneaked their way around the regulations a handful of times. Even if that meant having to wake up at 3 in the morning. Walking through the city they otherwise only saw fleetingly through darkened car windows or the glass cladding of their company building made it all seem worth the effort.
"Boo!" Sunoo jumped when he heard the other whisper-yell at him. He’d been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Riki sidling up to him.
Unlike the previous times, though, he averted his gaze back to the water in disinterest, the desire to bicker having ceased the moment he got sight of the river and its nightly visitors.
A little bit further to their right, he could make out the figures of two girls laughing at something on their phones. He sighed as if shaken awake by their presence.
"I’ve been thinking and I’m well aware you’re not going to like what I’m about to say", he began firmly, blending out the shadow that was creeping onto the younger’s face, who was now standing right beside him.
"Riki-ah, I want you to bite me."
-
The boy inhaled sharply while pushing the tip of his tongue against the inside of his cheek. "Hyung, I’ve told you before and I’m telling you now, I will not hurt you. Not like that", he spoke, emphasising each word.
This time Sunoo didn’t make the mistake of interrupting him. His voice had turned so dark and serious, that Sunoo was convinced it would come out as black smoke if it were to manifest. He nodded calmly, already having expected that kind of answer.
"Then tell me why", he demanded while looking out at the water.
Riki's face hardened further. He took a deep breath. "Because I've seen what it does to the animals I’ve had to feed on", he replied at last.
The cool air did little to soothe Sunoo's inner turmoil that was bubbling up inside his throat like a surge of lava.
"It’s not like I want to, but my urges…they intensify with each week that passes. Regular food helps, but in the long run, it’ll only do so much to satiate that hunger."
Riki looked at the elder for a brief moment, "eventually I’ll have to feed on someone but I’m gonna figure out a plan." In complete darkness, he might’ve been able to deceive him, but the dim illumination of the street lamps shattered that illusion he’d attempted so hard to convey.
"Yes", Sunoo agreed while turning around again, "and that person is going to be me", he declared.
Bewildered at his stubbornness, Riki shook his head vehemently. "You will not!"
Within a couple of seconds, Sunoo stood right in front of him. He was so close he could’ve easily reached out and touched the mole right underneath the younger's mouth that was now hidden behind a mask.
"Oh, you will. Your condition was not to tell anyone. This is mine."
-
Sunoo felt mentally drained when he finally lay down in his bed after having spent the entire walk back without so much as a single word exchanged between them. Back at their dorm, Riki had tried his best to avoid him, though the limited space had given him a hard time doing so. He tensed visibly every time Sunoo's shoulder accidentally brushed him.
He pulled the bedsheets towards his body tightly in an attempt to cage out the cold that was creeping in through the tilted window. Around him, the room was shrouded in complete silence except for a few cars passing by and a bunch of besotted teenagers whose gurgling declarations of love and hatred were hard to decipher in their intoxicated state.
"Screw the system!" One of them yelled, followed by an approving "Hell yeah!"'s of his comrades.
Wrapped safely in his blankets, Sunoo could only chuckle at their naïveté.
But deep down, the place Riki's eyes seemed to travel to every time he looked at him, he agreed with the boy, a strange confession coming from someone who allegedly had it all.
-
Three days had passed since the incident and Riki seemed to have made it his personal mission to keep their interactions to a minimum. Today, however, he could no longer evade him. As heavily requested by their fans, they would be doing a 'maknae line' Vlive together with Jungwon and despite his apparent aversion against him, Sunoo knew Riki wouldn’t simply chicken out.
Once everything was set and ready to go, they were sitting squished together, Jungwon in the middle, eagerly awaiting their fan's arrival.
"Woah, these comments are pouring in faster than me driving to get cookies", Sunoo remarked in amazement, trying to trace the chat history with his fingers.
Jungwon giggled in amusement while leaning back in his chair. "Hello, everyone!" He began, waving his hand as a greeting. "As promised, it’s gonna be the three of us together today and we figured that we'd braid some bracelets so without further ado, let's get started!" After some obligatory snickering, they got to work.
Sunoo reached for a basket filled with pearls before taking the initiative in hope of warming up the atmosphere, the tactically placed excitement swinging in his voice painting his stories more thoughtful than he knew they were.
Grateful for the distraction it granted him, Riki nodded along in polite indifference, freed of any obligation to converse with Sunoo directly, only occasionally throwing in a casual remark to keep up his façade.
After having exhausted his repertoire of possible topics to discuss, Sunoo passed the moderation on to Jungwon again. Bend over the elder, a knife in his hand, he tried slicing through a plastic bag Sunoo had trouble opening with his bare hands.
Remembering his hyung's betrayal last Friday, Jungwon was quick to bring up their ritual of weekly movie nights and Sunoo who’d forgotten about it. The older boy just laughed along in embarrassment, shielding his face with his hands.
"Ah!" Sunoo exclaimed all of a sudden, the shock sinking in before the pain did. The sudden movement of his hands had caused Jungwon to lose the grip around his knife, hitting Sunoo’s left arm instead.
One of their staff members appeared next to him immediately, inspecting the wound with tender fingers. Next to him, Jungwon was frantically rattling off apology upon apology, though Sunoo already knew he hadn’t done it on purpose. Fortunately, the wound turned out to be innocuous; merely having scraped the surface although the bleeding made it seem more dramatic.
Barely having time to register what was happening, he heard the screeching sound of a chair being pushed back abruptly. He knew it was Riki before he made eye contact with him, his expression a mixture of fear and want. And the irony wasn’t in the fact of it, but, rather, in Riki's defiant resistance to the fact of it.
"I have to go", he muttered breathlessly before rushing out the room.
Internally, Sunoo cursed himself for not having thought of Riki’s condition and the consequences it entailed. Directed to the camera and the onslaught of concerned questions, he excused Riki's sudden disappearance with an apologetic smile.
"I’m sorry, everyone, we should’ve informed you beforehand that Riki has trouble seeing blood. I’m not sure he’ll come back now but I promise I’m fine", he assured.
"Guess you can no longer blame me for forgetting our movie night", he laughed, looking at Jungwon who gave a confounded grin.
After 20 more minutes in which they'd managed to finish their bracelets without further disturbances, they decided to call it a day and waved their fans goodbye one more time before turning off the camera. Since Jungwon had one more meeting with their manager to attend to, he asked Sunoo to go find Riki which the boy gladly agreed to.
Aimlessly wandering through their company building for a couple of minutes, he eventually found their maknae sitting in their practice room.
He was wearing his headphones while dancing to some choreography he must’ve come up with on his own as Sunoo didn’t recall having seen it before. Riki flinched when he spotted the elder in the mirror.
"What are you doing here?" He asked in slight exasperation, avoiding eye contact.
"I could ask you the same", Sunoo said matter-of-factly.
Kneeling down to pick up his phone, Riki looked like he wanted to be everywhere but there with Sunoo. "I needed to calm down, get your smell out of my system", he explained. "Dancing helps."
From where he stood, Sunoo could hear Riki breathing, his chest heaving in an unsteady rhythm.
"Why’d you never tell me about the effect my blood has on you?"
Riki finally dared to look at him, eyes narrowed. "Because it would’ve made me look like a hormonal fool. I hate not being in control but lately, I don’t get to decide how my body acts. It’s pathetic." He exhaled sharply.
Sunoo winced at that statement, unable to comprehend how the younger wasn’t able to see that he was one of the main pillars their group was built on. He had to admit to himself that he’d never seen Riki's resistance as anything else than a personal rejection. In some twisted way, he’d assumed Riki denying his blood was somehow related to the latter denying him as a friend. More than just a friend, maybe.
"You might be a pain in the backside from time to time, Riki-ah, but you’re not a fool." Sunoo stepped toward him.
Riki smiled, but it was devoid of the warmth that usually accompanied it. Frustration and confusion flickered behind his placid features. His gaze turned raw and it physically hurt Sunoo to see him in such a state. "Hyung", he sighed, "you have no idea how hard I’ve been fighting to stay this gentle."
-
In hindsight, Sunoo should’ve seen the storm coming, should’ve seen the last pieces of restraint slipping through Riki's grasp like sand through an hourglass.
What mattered though, was that he didn’t.
Instead, he found himself pushed against the wall in gentle urgency, Riki's hands trapping him. Taking in his sight with desperate eyes, he looked both brittle and unyielding. Sunoo stood as if paralysed, watching their reflection in the mirror on the other side. He assured himself none of it was real, merely a feverish dream, but the lips brushing his neck insisted it was.
"Hyung", Riki reprimanded with a low growl, guiding Sunoo's head to look at his face again, "eyes on me". The light neon lights silhouetted him in a haze of white.
His eyes sparkled with mischief and something verging on regret, although he was sure Riki was already too far off to control his responses at that point.
"You need not worry, Hyung", he spoke with a calm that contradicted his external state, "I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to."
"But", he stilled, lazily dragging his slender fingers across Sunoo's neck, "I’m afraid you were right last Friday. I do need you, how foolish of me to think I’d be able to resist, hm?"
With that, he pressed a last kiss on his sensitive skin before collapsing to the ground, the initial rush of adrenaline leaving his system.
-
Riki's grip around him had loosened, his body grappled by the inevitable pull of unconsciousness, and Sunoo didn’t know how to act. His brain had inconveniently turned into fog and time seemed to stretch, each second reiterating his state of helplessness as if to taunt him. Then his body started to move like the carriages of a train slowly finding its way back to its original track. Kneeling, he made sure the younger boy's pulse was still intact.
Knowing better than to burst into their leader's meeting, he did the second best thing his brain told him to do: call Jay, who he knew was too kind to turn him down but also gullible enough to believe the lie already taking shape inside his head. Shortly after, Jay came rushing into their practice room, his eyes landing on their maknae and Sunoo who was still kneeling in front of him.
"I told him not to overwork himself“, Sunoo looked up at him.
"Didn’t work out that well, huh?“ Jay asked, gingerly touching the younger’s forehead. "Geez", he exclaimed, "he’s freezing. Physics has never been my strong point but I’m pretty sure that’s not supposed to happen."
Sunoo shrugged his shoulders in what he hoped looked like uncertainty. "I mean, it’s not that warm in here either so that might explain why“.
Giving Riki a piggyback ride, they made their way out of the building. Strolling next to Jay, Sunoo felt a pang of guilt rising in his chest.
I shouldn’t have tested his limits like that. He showed me his struggle and all I did was trample over it.
Upon their driver's questioning looks, they hurried to explain the boy simply hadn’t been feeling that well all day and just needed some rest. The man acknowledged the statement with an indifferent nod, grateful to have the problem already taken care of.
-
Fate must’ve pitied him. When they arrived, Sunoo received a call from Jungwon telling him he was already informed about Riki's collapse by their driver. After convincing him the boy was stable now, Jungwon let him go into his evening.
Relieved, he let out a breath he very well knew he was holding since he had been the one suppressing it.
Letting Jay know he was going to bed, he entered their room where he was greeted by the sleeping form of Riki. Tiptoeing his way around their belongings, he carefully slipped under his blanket. He was already well on his way to sleep when he heard Riki stir to life in the bunk underneath his.
"Hyung", he whispered into the dark. Sunoo didn’t —couldn’t bring himself to — respond, the touch on his neck still lingering on his skin. Restlessness crept over him.
"Hyung", Riki repeated, this time with more urgency. "I know you’re awake. I can hear your heartbeat."
Sunoo sighed. "I’m listening", he said finally.
"Hyung-".
"Stop 'Hyung-ing' me already!" Sunoo hissed, taken by a sudden surge of frustration.
"Sure. Hyu- sorry. Listen, I want to apologise for what happened earlier. I was fighting it, I swear I was", his voice was trembling ever so slightly. "It’s just that I was starving and you were…you were right there. I know it’s not an excuse but please don’t make me feel even more of a monster", Riki pleaded.
By the way, his movement halted, Sunoo could tell he was waiting for an answer.
"Riki-ah", Sunoo began even though he had no idea what he wanted to say, "I’m not blaming you for what you did. I was frightened, maybe, but I should’ve seen it coming. I wanted to help you but all I did was tempt you even more."
Riki shifted in his bed. "That’s what I’ve always wanted to avoid, I don’t want you to be afraid of me."
Sunoo looked at the ceiling right above him, its surface covered with white spots. "I respect that, Riki-ah, but right now we can’t afford ourselves that privilege."
Suppressing a yawn, he added, "You and I both know that you can’t keep up this façade forever. You’re not doing anything wrong. Not if I give you permission to."
They could hear Jake yelling from the living room, followed by Jay screaming for him to be quiet.
"Okay", Riki whispered eventually. It sounded like defeat.
-
The following days went by in a haze of incidents not worth mentioning. The majority of it Sunoo couldn’t even remember. He’d been rehearsing a lot. Probably got mad once or twice. Everything else seemed insignificant in comparison to what was yet to come.
The closer they got to the weekend, the more nervous Sunno became. He and Riki would be alone, all alone, without a nosy Heeseung to interrupt them like he had the last time. Sunoo hadn’t decided yet if that was a good thing or not.
While the others were going on a three-day vacation to Jeju Island, their dance instructor had raised concerns regarding Sunoo's dance parts for their upcoming comeback. Ever the gentleman, Riki had volunteered to stay with Sunoo and give him one on one lessons, claiming that, to him, dancing had always felt more rewarding than going on vacation anyway.
Had it not been for the way he dragged his tongue over his fangs, Sunoo would’ve almost bought that lie. His body tingled in tentative anticipation, knowing their arduous choreographies wouldn’t be the only thing taking his breath away.
Wanting to try his best to prepare himself for the upcoming event, he looked into every possible resource regarding vampires he could find or, as of lately, handle. After the fifth time reading about the excruciating pain the victims of vampire attacks were suffering, he regretted having sought out the internet’s assistance in the first place.
I shall cross that bridge when I come to it, he mumbled while switching off the light that was fixed to his bed rail. Shortly after he could hear Riki clamber into his bed, spooning him from behind.
At first, he thought that would be it but then he sensed the younger boy slightly tensing up beside him. „Tomorrow, Hyung”, he whispered, his voice hoarse from recording.
Sunoo nodded weakly, too exhausted to care whether the movement could be seen in the darkness or not. „I know. Let’s hope everything goes well”, he responded groggily before drifting off to sleep. He couldn’t feel the hesitant kiss gently placed on his neck.
-
The room was black. The blood running down his throat agonisingly slow was not.
Gripped by mild panic, his fingers noted the bite mark on his neck. Bile threatened to heave up his throat, his vision getting blurrier by the minute.
Around him, the place lay in looming indifference. No matter how hard he urged his mind to focus, he had no memory of the space he found himself surrounded by. It was unlike anything he’d ever laid eyes on. Room, as he’d initially called it, didn’t quite fit the scenery, however.
The space had a surprising resemblance to the realm Eleven traveled to in Stranger Things. Though he sincerely hoped his story would take a more generous turn than it did for the girl in the series.
A few metres away, he spotted his members obscured by what appeared to be the ghostly silhouettes of black branches, gathered around a bonfire. He forced his legs to move forward, the action causing water to splash around his feet with each stride. The scene unfolding in front of him would’ve seemed normal, mundane even, a bunch of teenagers having a good time, if it hadn’t been for the red liquid smeared across their necks. No.
Sunoo gasped when he made eye contact with Riki who was positioned a little bit further away. His lips turned into a taut smile, a warning. Out of the six, he was the only one spared from the red stains. The irony almost made Sunoo laugh.
Unfazed by what had been done to them, his members sat in fateful oblivion. They seemed to be stuck in their own world, not aware of the looming presence of Riki beside them who, by then, only had eyes for Sunoo. It didn’t come as a surprise to him, then, when they didn’t look up as Riki moved toward Sunoo at a leisurely pace, predatory.
"You did this?" The question was downright pathetic and Sunoo was sure if he’d seen it in a movie, he would’ve complained about its dullness. In that moment, however, it hit him that words could try, but they could never fully convey the emotions implied by them. The thought made him shudder.
Opposite of him, Riki chuckled dryly. The action seemed wrong, immoral, coming from a face so innocent. Akin to a peasant occupying a king’s throne. Nonsensical.
"They offered themselves willingly." His eyes flitted over him in ominous curiosity. "Will you do the same or need I be a bit more", he clicked his tongue, "forceful?"
Disbelief evident on his face, Sunoo pointed towards his bite mark. "Isn’t that enough already?"
Riki roamed over the spot, the intensity of his gaze making the wound blaze anew. "That’s nothing. Barely a peck." His tone was contemptuous. "You lay unconscious over there for ages. I had to make my presence known. Would’ve been a shame not to."
Fear rose up Sunoo’s chest, the realisation of a boy lost just slowly dawning upon him. He let the feeling wash over him, considering —just for a moment— to let it drown him. It was a tempting offer. A lethal one, too. Maybe, he reasoned, that was the point.
Hiding the unsteadiness in his voice was impossible when he spoke again. "Don’t you dare lay hands on me ever again. I’m only saying this once, so listen up. Whatever you think this", he gestured toward the bonfire, "is, I’m not gonna let you be the death of me."
Riki crossed his arms in somber gratification, visibly enjoying the effect he had on the elder whose vehement denial made it all the more pleasant.
"Please, humour me. Grant me the joy of watching you attempt it."
He took a step back, his face turning into a wicked grimace. "Have a nice fall." Sunoo furrowed his eyebrows in perturbation, entertaining the foolish thought of running, when he heard the thunder.
Without prior warning, the ground he stood on disappeared, the rumble of something cracking pervading the space. He watched in horror as the younger boy turned to leave, pale hands clasped behind his back. Even his farewell was cruel.
Trying desperately to find some stability, his feet were flailing around aimlessly. His heart was beating so fast he thought he might pass out every second. He’d always imagined death to be dark, the frigid embrace of someone you were inevitably bound to cross paths with someday.
This was nothing like it. Colours were dancing in front of his eyes, changing so quickly it made him dizzy. In the distance, he thought he heard his name being called. Funny, he thought in his delirious state.
Then everything dissolved. And so did he.
-
Sunoo woke up to the feeling of someone standing above him. "Hyung." It was the voice of someone he was sure he’d met before.
As his eyes flattered open hesitantly, he was greeted with the familiar face of Riki who looked at him in mild concern. Seized by a foreboding feeling, he moved his hand to his throat, palpating the delicate skin. Everything was fine, untouched. He felt like crying. Sheer relief washed over him.
"Are you alright, hyung? Do you want some water?" Riki motioned to the bottle placed on the ground.
Sunoo nodded weakly. "Yeah. I just had a bad dream."
Riki reached for the water bottle, an awkward smile plastered on his face. Sunoo got the impression the boy already sensed what was going on.
It took him more effort than he cared to admit, but Sunoo managed to sit up in his bed, taking a sip of the water. The curtains were still closed but he could see the light behind them. The impatient honking of cars outside made it clear the city was already wide awake.
He reached for his phone to check the time but Riki was quicker. "It’s 1 pm, the others left about 30 minutes ago. We thought it best to let you sleep. You seemed genuinely exhausted yesterday."
Sunoo didn’t complain though he would’ve liked to know if it had prevented him from having to endure that nightmare in the first place.
Riki put a hand on his shoulder. "No matter what you saw, hyung, it wasn’t the real me. None of it was."
"Am I that easy to read?" He asked sheepishly.
"Your eyes are quite expressive." Riki tilted his head to look at him once more in boyish admiration. It seemed like he wanted to add something but decided against it.
Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Sunoo glanced at the younger boy with a knowing look. "My dream doesn’t change our plan, Riki-ah."
The latter averted his gaze, feeling exposed.
"It’s alright. I promise."
"I guess so. It just sucks." Riki admitted while walking over to part the curtains, the instreaming light illuminating his skin.
"I’m sure you will", Sunoo padded towards his closet, winking at him with a cheeky grin.
"But first", he said while taking a fresh pair of clothes out of the drawers, "let’s dance."
-
By the time they left their company building, the sun was already setting behind the vast array of skyscrapers. Even Seoul had gotten quieter, as if ready to indulge in a light slumber, albeit not entirely for big cities rarely got the privilege to do so.
On their drive home, they made a brief stop at a convenience store to stock up on instant noodles since neither of them felt disciplined enough to cook a proper meal. Roaming through the aisles, the naked bulbs flickering nervously, Sunoo could sense Riki shift behind him in unease. When he turned around to dart him a look, Riki's eyes were almost completely red.
"Hyung", he muttered, his gaze waging towards Sunoo's neck for a split second, "I don’t want to make a scene but I can no longer suppress it." The grit in his voice implied it was more than a glib excuse. Sunoo nodded quickly, rushing to the cashier.
Back at their dorm, Riki went straight to the bathroom to splash his face with cold water. When he returned his eyes had changed to their natural colour though the intensity of his gaze remained.
The rooms were dark, illuminated solely by the light of the outside. Their shopping bag stood untouched on the kitchen counter, Riki had only given it a fleeting glance, figuring his priorities lay elsewhere.
Sunoo was waiting in Riki's bed when he heard the younger climb in next to him. The longing in Riki’s eyes almost took his breath away.
Above them, the clock hit midnight. But time did not matter when you spent it with someone who could gift you eternity, even if only for a night.
-
Riki was many things. An idol, a vampire. But watching Sunoo's eyes turn into crescent moons every time he laughed, made him realise that —above everything else— he was just a boy.
"Hyung", he murmured into the dark, caressing the elder's cheeks, the anticipation of what was about to happen lingering in the air. Underneath him, Sunoo drew a sharp breath.
"You know, you can just start. You don’t have to-", Riki put a finger on his lips, gently hushing him. The action wasn’t harsh but it signaled to Sunoo that the younger was moving that slow on purpose. He wanted to take his time with the elder, show him that this was more than just a quick release.
During the day, he knew better than to talk about his feelings, aware that the awkward, unglamorous him wasn’t welcome. It is true what they say about the night, he thought, it makes your true emotions come out. He held onto that belief like a mantra while losing himself in the daze that was Kim Sunoo.
Internally, everything screamed for Riki to just snap. Pin the other boy down and take what his ego claimed was already his. Riki shut them out, mouthing soft kisses on his neck instead.
The elder had been rigid at first, unsure of how to respond to the younger’s affection. Eventually, however, his body reluctantly started loosening up, leaning into Riki’s touch.
Riki smiled to himself when he heard Sunoo whine after kissing a particularly sensitive spot. With time though his movements became more urgent, his kisses sloppier.
When he finally leant down to graze his fangs over the delicate skin, Sunoo sighed, tilting his head to give him better access. Riki gripped the elder’s hands and placed them over his head, brushing his fingers over them in soothing circles.
Biting Sunoo felt like the relief that came with seeing the rain pour down after a prolonged drought. It was pure euphoria.
Upon tasting his blood, Riki couldn’t help but let out a low groan, dwelling in the sweet smell of him. His groans mixed with the other boy's whimpers, the electricity in the room tangible.
Had he allowed himself to let go completely, he would’ve gladly given in to his urges, flouting the laws of decency and sobriety he’d imposed on himself for so long. But he recollected himself and retracted his teeth shortly after, afraid of hurting the elder.
He settled for slurping on the wound softly, keeping a steady eye on Sunoo. His eyes had closed a while ago, trying to handle the many different sensations crushing on him.
"How do you feel?" Riki brushed a strand of hair out of his face, the elder's body felt warm underneath his own.
Sunoo gave a noncommittal hum. "Fine. Just a bit dizzy."
Riki was about to break away from him, when a stifled moan escaped Sunoo, grapping the younger’s shirt he looked up at him with clouded eyes.
"Please. Don’t go. I-", his cheeks reddened, "I like having you close. And you’re still thirsty, I can see it in your eyes."
Yeah, thought Riki, who felt himself melt at the sight of Sunoo, I’m very much just a boy.