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Carrie White, Carrie White. God, for all the time that he’d spent messing around in high school, why hadn’t he spent more time getting to know Carrie White?
She was a weirdo, they said - an odd loner with a crazy, religious mother. A girl who just never seemed to fit in, anywhere. The outcast who everyone loved to pick apart, a rare case of a teenage girl who’d never had a single friend in her life. She was essentially the antithesis of Tommy Ross. The kind of girl who he had felt badly for her at times in class, because although he’d never experienced it, he understood that no one deserved to be made the class clown, that the quiet girl who sat in the back must have felt terribly lonely on the inside.
He had to admit, that at one point in time it had been easy to simply feel such sympathy and then move on… and yet, after she complimented the poem - the poem that he hadn’t really written, not that she could know - the sympathy had quickly turned into intrigue. He had glanced back at her in slight shock, at the blonde, freckled, introverted girl who never seemed confident enough to look anyone in the eye. He felt anger bubble up inside of him when the teacher made fun of her, of the quiet girl who had spoken up in his favor (what an ass, he thought. What an ass the man must have been, to insult this young, oft-bullied girl who seemed so kind. How awful they all were…)
Ever since then, he had wondered about Carrie White. He tried to convince himself that there was no attraction, no romantic intent - tried to convince himself that it was normal to be curious about a girl like her, about a girl who no one ever tried to get to know. He tried to tell himself that he had taken such a long time to agree to take Carrie to prom after Sue had made the request due to concerns about his popularity… and yet, it was far from the truth.
He knew that he wasn’t just curious. He liked Carrie. He tried his best to fight it, tried so hard to fight it, at least at first - because god, he and Sue had been going together for years, and Sue certainly wasn’t a bad girl. Sue had always supported him, had always been good to him… but god, he just couldn’t get that Carrie White off his mind…
When he asked her to prom the first time, he’d tried to come off confident, to hide his nervousness - he’d always been a ladies man, always been the attractive sports star, one of the most popular guys in school, ever since middle school. When he asked her, he made sure to be soft about it. He didn’t see anyone could be harsh with Carrie. She was so very meek, so quiet - the kind of girl who could fall into the background if you didn’t notice her like he did. Not because she was ugly - no, she was far from it, no matter what anyone else said - but rather because she moved almost like a mouse, like a pretty mouse who startled easily. You had to be real soft with Carrie White, if you didn’t want to her scare her away (and yet, he did scare her away. He was almost frightened himself, by the sense of desperation he felt as she ran off. He tried to repress the urge to chase after her.)
To maintain his dignity, his sense of pride, he had tried to play it off when he was called into the office with Ms. Collins, tried to pretend that this fascinating girl more or less turning down his prom offer hadn’t hurt.
And yet… the second time around, when he had driven to her house to ask yet again… this time around, Tommy Ross steadily stopped lying to himself. He couldn’t help it. At this point, he was consciously aware that this was what he wanted, that he wanted to meet Carrie White, to know Carrie White. No one knew Carrie White - no one knew this girl, this girl who averted her pretty blue eyes away from him shyly, whose blonde hair somehow gleamed even when she was simply standing in the doorway of her home. He asked again, still making an effort to come off confident, even though he was sure she couldn’t tell that he was, to some extent, putting it on.
And this time… this time, he received the answer that he’d been looking for: a yes. He let Sue know, although he knew himself, deep down inside, that this was no longer about Sue and the guilt she felt… that perhaps, perhaps if he really thought about it, it had never been strictly about Sue and her guilty conscience. That he actually did want to take Carrie White to prom himself, that he wanted to give this poor girl, this girl who no one at their stupid high school was nice to, a break - that he wanted to show her a good time, to ease her anxiety, to show her that being a teenager could be fun. That he wanted to meet Carrie White, who he was sure there was more to.
Tommy Ross never did anything that he didn’t want to do. He liked having a nice time - wouldn’t sign a sports contract if he hated it, wouldn’t consistently run track if it bored him… and wouldn’t take Carrie White to the prom, if he wasn’t the least bit interested in her. He picked her up, and immediately noticed how pretty she looked - she’d always had nice eyes, but they really popped out with the dress she was wearing (he’d never expected pink to look so good on her.)
She’d done her hair up nicely, and he couldn’t help but think as he drove her to prom, about how silly all of their classmates were. How had this stunning, kindhearted girl, never had a boyfriend? How could they all relentlessly bully her, how could they not notice how cute she was, how sweet she was? He didn’t just think that she was attractive - no, it was her voice too, a quiet voice that exuded femininity, the way that she seemed so uncertain about things. She was so sheltered, this Carrie White. And he wanted to open her up.
You’d simply never expect the two of them to talk, to even be seen together… and yet, here he was at prom, with the shy girl who he’d heard so much about. He wasn’t even embarrassed, truly. He liked her so much, that he ignored the nosy stares from their peers, that he kissed her on the dance floor without even thinking of Sue. He didn’t regret taking Carrie White to prom. No, he felt stupid for not thinking of it himself.
The night was just brilliant. He couldn’t think of a time in his life when he’d felt more carefree - he realized about halfway through that he had a crush on this Carrie White, that really, that was how he’d felt the whole time. He knew that to some it may have seemed wild, unexpected, the jock developing feelings for the sad, introverted, bullied girl. But he just couldn’t bring himself to care. She intrigued him, made him happy - she was so innocent, so new to everything. She said that she didn’t have a crowd, and he longed to help her find one. No, he wasn’t thinking of Sue any longer. Carrie was the one that he wanted, and he knew this as they were declared prom king and queen, as they walked the stage.
He stood up there with Carrie White, the misunderstood girl who was glowing on that stage - a perfect combination of inner and outer beauty, a girl who made his heart warm, a girl who he felt such intense desire for. He had never wanted to be with anyone so badly, in his whole entire life. He had never even felt this way about Sue, and he’d been with Sue for years.
He kissed her on that stage, even though he knew what people would say, because it was what he wanted. He realized, as they stood there, smiling, an unexpected pairing, that this was what he had always wanted. That nothing made him happier than being with Carrie, than being with this girl who had such an undeservedly bad reputation amongst their peers. He shook his head with disappointment at Sue as Ms. Collins led her out of the gym. He knew that Sue had, at a point in time, been one of the girls causing Carrie such inner turmoil, and even though he knew that wanting Carrie the way he did whilst still being with her was wrong… he resented her somewhat for it. Because lovely Carrie White, with her youthful freckles and the twinkle in her eye when she smiled, deserved the world, deserved so much better than what the stupid people in this town had provided her. And so help him, he was going to make things better for her. He was going to make sure that she smiled every single day, that she was happy. He was going to make the other kids leave her alone, but not out of a sense of pity - no, rather out of care, out of… dare, he say it, perhaps a growing love.
And then… then, as he thought these things, as he thought of Carrie, as he thought of how he wanted her, of how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her… then, he felt something sticky, something red, fall onto them both. He was furious, he was disgusted - he wanted to hurt someone, get back at whoever had done this, at whoever had gone out of their way to ruin this wonderful night. He wanted to scream, to swear, to just hold Carrie…
As he thought this, something hit his head. Something sharp, something painful, something that made his head ache, before he had any time to comfort Carrie, to think any further of his newfound contempt for the student body. He fell to the ground, his fingers brushing the fabric of her gorgeous dress… and shortly before becoming unconscious, one thought crossed his mind…
God, I love that Carrie, I really wanted this to be our night.