Chapter Text
Hooking up is a little bit like gambling.
It might be the best experience of your life or the worst, depending on your luck—or lack thereof. Despite this, odds are that it will be unremarkable and you’ll move on with your life right after doing the deed.
Too bad Namjoon’s armful of sleeping kitten and his allergy flare make it impossible for him to leave it behind.
And it had been such a promising night! But alas.
“Sorry if this is too forward but… Can I buy you a drink?”
That’s how it started.
It usually took more than that to get Namjoon going or even to make him pay attention. He fancies himself an independent human who doesn't need a reason to doll himself up on a Friday night and sit at a bar while stirring a yellow-colored cocktail Yoongi—his friend, the bartender, the owner of the place—so graciously mixed for him before going to serve other customers.
In general, Namjoon lived up to what he thought his single-by-choice life should be. But it wasn’t every night that a creature such as Blonde and Sexy in front of him offered to pay for his drink, his cute smile and the fact that he was shorter than Namjoon doing nothing to deter him from very politely implying that he could bend Namjoon over if he were to only ask.
And by God, did Namjoon ask.
They left together soon after, Namjoon offering his tiny apartment as a tribute because it is just a five-minute walk from the bar and neither of them had a car. The walk was walked, the three flights of stairs were sorted out, and the poor hall in front of Namjoon’s apartment saw the worst part of cute, tiny hands wandering low and grabbing a handful of Namjoon’s ass.
“Love this. Bet it tastes delicious,” the man whispered to the crook of Namjoon’s neck, causing a shiver to run down his spine.
“Wouldn’t you like to know,” Namjoon said, delirious due to the man’s tongue licking full stripes of his overheated skin.
“Oh I will. Just you wait,” the man purred, hands digging deeper into Namjoon’s flesh. “Are you going to invite me in, sweet thing?”
Namjoon whimpered, the pet name and the man’s implications enough to have most of his brain shutting down, nothing but primal instincts and desire to go by.
“Yes, of course. Let me just—”
Namjoon turned in the man’s arms, pressed the passcode to his apartment, and stepped inside with him glued to his back, getting thoroughly tongue-fucked as soon as the door closed behind them.
The kiss was excellent, with the right amount of giving and taking, not a lot of teeth, and an overall pillowy sensation that probably had to do with the man’s perfect lips that Namjoon hadn’t been able to stop staring at all night. It was so good that Namjoon didn’t even bother switching any lights on, too busy trying to step out of his shoes so he could let the hottest man he’d ever met take him to bed.
“Wasn’t expecting any visitors so the place’s a bit messy, sorry about that,” Namjoon said while leading them both through the hallway, suddenly self-conscious of his natural untidiness now that he didn’t have hands or lips on him to distract him.
The man giggled in amusement, a breathy little sound that made Namjoon smile too. “That’s okay. Not like I’m here to see much of it anyway,” he said, punctuating the last words by grabbing another handful of Namjoon’s ass.
Points were made and Namjoon’s lizard brain told him to let the thing go, but the small part of him that loved overanalyzing every single detail under the sun wouldn’t be put to rest unless he at least tried to do something about it. So once they reached the room, he made sure to tap twice on the scented oil diffuser he kept by the door.
The man hooked his arms around Namjoon’s neck as soon as they passed the threshold, pulling him into what Namjoon was anticipating would be another life-changing kiss.
But then he stopped.
“Is that pinecone?” he asked, a tad too loud.
“It smells nice,” Namjoon said, belatedly realizing that the man wasn’t trying to kiss him anymore.
He was about to ask if something was wrong but before he could even begin articulating the words, the man cursed, sneezed, and a poof later Namjoon was left holding the cutest calico kitten he’d ever seen in his life…
Then Namjoon’s sneezes started.
“Oh, fuck.” Sneeze. “What the fuck.” Sneeze. “What is this? Fuck! What the fuck?!” Sneeze, sneeze, sneeze.
What it was, was cat-fur allergies, the same allergies Namjoon had carried with him his entire life despite loving cats to pieces and bits.
In his childhood, he used to pretend that it wasn’t permanent, that one day he would wake up and be finally able to play with all the cats in his neighborhood without any consequence other than maybe a friendly scratch. But of course, that never happened, and as an adult, the most he could do was try to keep his emergency kit at hand and pray to the heavens none of his friends suddenly decided they were more of a cat person.
Funny, how tables turn and stuff.
Now Namjoon is staring at the sleeping kitten in his arms, his foggy brain trying to make sense of whatever it is that is happening. Is he dreaming? Did he take too many yellow cocktails back at Yoongi’s? Is this karma from a past life? But more importantly… Is the cat what he thinks it is?
A new violent sneeze brings him back from his sudden introspection, highlighting the very real, very pressing matter of his allergies worsening. His nose is impossibly runny, his eyes so watery he can barely see, and there is a start of an itch around where the kitten’s fur is touching his skin. Yet he can’t help but whisper,
“Are you really him?”
The kitten doesn’t move, still dead to the world and as cute as a sleeping ball of fur can be.
Namjoon sighs.
Time to try those extra-strong antihistamines waiting for him in his medicine cabinet.
***
It takes a few seconds for Namjoon’s sleep-full brain to remember exactly what happened the night before, but once he does, he groans loudly in the back of his throat.
The bar, the man, the cat. And the sneezes.
So. Many. Sneezes.
The powerful antihistamines Seokjin once recommended worked its charm in about fifteen minutes, after he’d placed the sleeping kitten on a makeshift bed made out of one of his oldest hoodies—one he probably wasn’t going to be wearing again, given the extent of his allergies. But he wasn’t a monster who placed passed-out kittens on the cold, hard floor of his apartment so it was what it was.
Once the meds hit, he couldn’t stay awake, so he faceplanted on the bed, buried himself in the duvet, and sleepily thought that the mess of paws and whiskers was a Morning Namjoon problem which… is him, at the moment.
He is Morning Namjoon now and he is starting to regret every single one of his life choices.
Still in bed, Namjoon sighs, mustering enough strength to get up and start his day. Judging by the sun filtering through the blinds on his window, it must be around midmorning, which is fine with him. That means he didn’t lose most of his day groggily battling the antihistamines’ aftereffects and for that he’s grateful. He’ll have to thank Seokjin later, send him a card or a meme to their group chat or something.
Namjoon casts a glance in the kitten’s direction and finds it buried deep in the makeshift bed, a tiny ball of fur with its front paws covering half of its little face, a tuft of hair sticking up adorably, and eyes closed shut. If only he wasn’t as allergic as he is, he’d risk a closer look. For now—and until he’s had another round of antihistamines—keeping his distance is probably in his best interest.
So he sets up to start his day, changes out of his pajamas, and goes to make himself a well-deserved cup of coffee. He also munches on some buttered toast to absorb any vestiges of alcohol in his system, takes more of the magical antihistamines, and gets down to business around the apartment.
Admittedly, he’s never been the tidiest person he knows, not even second best, but he knows his way around brooms, sweeps, and vacuum cleaners. So he sticks to what he knows and what works best, collecting items around the apartment and placing them where they belong, dusting off surfaces that look like they need it, and essentially making his little home less messy.
Then comes the vacuuming part, around the house at first but then localized.
He remembers a big cloud of something exploding in his face the second whatever happened the night before came to happen. He didn’t have the presence of mind to deal with it then and maybe he still doesn’t. But it’s time, so he does it anyway.
Handheld vacuum in hand, Namjoon goes to the bedroom and opens the window, the late spring sunlight revealing what his memory had been trying to tell him. There is a mess of fur and dust somewhat near the door, made messier by him stepping on it earlier today without meaning to. It reminds him of the time he accidentally ripped his aunt’s feather pillow apart during a pillow fight with his cousins. It also reminds him of that one character in that one 3D animated monster movie, the one that kept messing up his assignment and got his fur all shaved off at some point.
Namjoon is careful not to inhale the fur as he vacuums to his heart’s content, grateful that the mess doesn’t seem to have spread too much during the night. From the corner of his eye, he catches a movement that makes him look up, but it’s only the kitten changing positions from little-sleepy-ball to belly-up-bean.
Namjoon wants to coo. Namjoon wants to coo so bad.
It is then that his foot grazes something that he didn’t notice before, right next to a bed leg. He kneels, pats the floor a few times, finds the thing, and sits on his haunches to stare at a cellphone that is definitely not his.
The protective case is golden and chafed at the corners, the screen a compilation of scratches and seemingly permanent fingerprints. It’s a well-used phone and when Namjoon presses the ‘Power’ button, a familiar face comes into view.
It’s the man from the night before, as gorgeous as Namjoon remembers him, or maybe even more. His eyes are half moon crescents and his lips are stretched in a wide smile, one of his cheeks squished to the cheek of another man, both of them clearly having the time of their lives while trying to fit their faces together for the selfie that is now the phone’s lockscreen.
Namjoon stares for a moment longer, trying to figure out why the boxy grin and large eyes of the other man in the photo look vaguely familiar. The screen goes dark and Namjoon gives up on remembering, his attention back to the very alarming, very undeniable fact that the man from last night was real.
He had been there with Namjoon, kissing him and touching him until the scented oil diffuser thing happened. Then he sneezed and somehow changed, turning into a fluffy ball of sleeping fur, with little paws, pointy ears, and even a little tail.
A calico kitten.
Namjoon’s almost hook-up really turned into the calico kitten that is currently passed out in one of his oldest hoodies.
What the hell is he supposed to do about that?
As if on cue, he hears a high-pitched whine coming from where the kitten has been sleeping since yesterday. Except he isn’t sleeping anymore.
A pair of cute yellow eyes stare at Namjoon from below, somewhat puffy from sleep but clearly awake. They won’t blink and if Namjoon didn’t know any better, he’d say the cat is glaring at him as much as a tiny kitten can.
It’s honestly adorable. It’s also the slightest bit concerning, considering the circumstances.
“Hello, little guy. You’re awake, huh?” Namjoon does his best not to talk in a baby voice but probably fails. He crawls closer to where the cat is, grateful that the meds seem to be working enough for him not to be a sneezing mess already. Small mercies.
The cat’s tiny eyes seem to be evaluating him and Namjoon stays put, presenting a hand for the kitten to smell or ignore. As expected, it gets ignored.
“Rough night, wasn’t it? Me too,” he tries again, not knowing why he feels the need to make small talk with what is clearly, undeniably a proper freaking cat at the moment.
‘Is he even going to remember any of this when he shifts back?’ Namjoon wonders briefly, to then realize what a weird thought that is to have. Not weirder than having your one-night stand turn into an animal right before anything could happen, mind you, but close enough.
A string of meows and trills takes Namjoon’s attention back to the kitten. It’s almost as if the cat is trying to respond to Namjoon’s questions from before, almost as if he’s trying to tell Namjoon something.
“I can’t speak Cat Language, sorry,” he says in an attempt to lighten the mood. It earns him a new string of trills, shorter and sharper this time, almost as if they’re meant to scold Namjoon for joking around at a time like this.
The cat even looks like he’s frowning at Namjoon, judging him somehow, his puffy eyes so incredibly alike the ones from the man he—probably—also is.
It makes Namjoon want to laugh at the sheer hilarity of it all. He doesn’t, though, because the cat picks that exact moment to walk past the confines of his makeshift bed and finally acknowledge Namjoon’s offered hand, giving it a tentative sniff.
Namjoon does his best impersonation of a statue as the kitten sniffs his fingers and the inside of his hand. Then, for some miraculous reason that Namjoon isn’t able to comprehend, the kitten rubs his head on Namjoon’s hand, clearly fishing for pets and scritches that Namjoon is quick to provide.
He has been deemed worthy. Blessed be this day.
“You’re so freaking cute,” Namjoon whispers while scratching behind one of the kitten’s ears. The kitten melts, his eyes closed and head leaning more into the touch. It makes Namjoon smile.
There’s a ping somewhere and Namjoon almost ignores it, except it’s then followed by several more coming from where the cat’s phone lies on the floor.
Namjoon tries not to dwell on the fact that he just called it ‘the cat’s phone’ inside his head and picks it up, the string of notifications showing on the lockscreen as soon as he touches it. He can’t read them all, of course, but they’re all from the same person, and judging by the previews, there’s a worried tone amongst them.
The kitten mews in question and Namjoon turns to look at him, holding the phone so he can see.
“Your friend Taehyung seems a bit worried. Sorry that I can’t unlock the phone for you and let them know you’re okay.”
The kitten mews again, deeper this time, and to Namjoon it’s as if he’s telling him it’s not his fault. Either that or the cat has no idea of what Namjoon is saying and it’s only responding to Namjoon’s tone, but who’s to say?
The kitten swats at the screen, making it lit again, and Namjoon notices it’s almost noon. He thinks about lunch and maybe ordering food when he realizes that the kitty hasn’t eaten since at least last night and he must be starving.
Time to change that.
“Hey, are you hungry?” Namjoon asks, addressing the cat directly—and only feeling slightly silly about it. The kitten perks up in attention, eyes unblinkingly on Namjoon. He meows one time and Namjoon takes it as a yes. “Then let’s see what we can find out there. Come on, buddy,” he says as he gets up and walks out of the room, the calico kitten trotting along right behind him.
***
After a quick Naver search on foods that are safe for cats and a venerable quest to the depths of Namjoon’s kitchen cabinets, Namjoon comes up with a small selection of things for the kitten to try.
He sets everything on the living room’s coffee table, sitting criss-cross next to it on the carpeted floor. The kitten has been following him around ever since they left the room so luring him in isn’t a problem, naturally curious about the foods Namjoon offers him.
It takes a few tries, but after narrowing it down to carrots, cheese, and canned tuna, it’s the tuna that ultimately wins over the kitty’s affections.
“Have at it, buddy,” Namjoon says after putting a proper serving of tuna on a plate for the kitten to eat, plus a little bowl with water. He can’t help but smile at how well the cat is eating, obviously hungry after so many hours of going without.
Before he can overthink it, he snaps a picture on his phone to preserve the moment and sends it to the group chat with his friends. His phone immediately chirps to life, Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok asking 101 questions about the cat’s ownership and whether or not Namjoon is still as allergic as they remember. He doesn’t quite reply, sending a cat emoji and a shrug emoji instead of typing actual words. It earns him a string of new questions—also a bunch of crying emojis from Hoseok—and he’s about to reply with a grinning face emoji when he feels something fluffy rub against his leg.
Namjoon puts the phone down and smiles.
“You done already?” he asks the kitten, briefly glancing at the plate and finding it empty. The kitten trills and mews a few times, rubbing his little body against Namjoon’s calves. Namjoon distantly hopes the contact won’t make his allergies flare up, so he scratches behind the kitten’s ear to distract him. It works like a charm.
“You’re so good!” he praises. “So cute, so charming, and you eat so well too! Pretty kitty. The best kitty.” The kitten purrs lightly, his eyes closed and his head leaning into Namjoon’s touch just like before. It makes Namjoon want to praise and scratch even more. It also sort of reminds him that ‘kitty’ isn’t actually the cat’s name.
He thinks for a moment, still scritching absentmindedly as he tries to remember the night before and whether the man from the bar ever gave Namjoon his name…
He didn’t.
It would be embarrassing—if it wasn’t kind of funny.
“You must have a name, huh?” Namjoon asks the cat. He stops the scritches and the cat looks up as if to reproach him, meowing incessantly, headbutting his hand too. But Namjoon is on a mission now.
“Come on, don’t look at me like that! I’m not sure when you’re gonna change back and I’m trying to know how to call you until that happens.”
That seems to get the kitten’s attention, his eyes wider and curious instead of judgy like before. Namjoon takes it as a sign to continue.
“Can you help me, though?” he asks. “Can you give me a clue?”
Namjoon immediately feels dumb because how exactly can an animal give him a clue? He’s about to take it back when the cat suddenly charges against him, hitting him on the chest with a firm thud of paws that propels the little rascal right back to the floor.
“Buddy, what—?” It’s the only thing Namjoon can say before the kitten does the same thing again, this time more forcefully. “Hey! Why—?” The cat looks like he’s about to pounce a third time and Namjoon tries to dodge before it happens. But when he looks down he notices the shirt he’s wearing has a logo on its front that resembles a big letter ‘J’ and… Oh.
“Are you trying to give me a clue?” Namjoon asks, perplexed. The kitten meows once as if to say ‘yes’ and Namjoon internally melts out of pure, unaltered cuteness. “You… are such a clever boy,” he ends up saying instead of aww-ing or cooing, scratching behind the cat’s ear again and earning himself the most subtle of all purrs.
“Okay so, ‘J’. Is that your name? Are you ‘Jay’?” Namjoon asks, quick to cut to the chase now that they’re making progress. The cat doesn’t meow this time but he shows his teeth a little and sort of hisses. It’s likely a ‘no’.
“Well if you’re not Jay then maybe…” Namjoon thinks for a moment, the cat’s attention entirely on him while he does. “Is it the first letter of your name?” A single mew. “Wait, really?” Another mew, full eye contact, and Namjoon smiles because this is great! They have a system now.
“Okay, okay. So it starts with a ‘J’ and I’m going to take a leap of faith here and assume it’s a Korean name. Something that I could guess too. Something common and not that complicated, hopefully… Am I getting any closer?” The kitten mews once and rubs his cheek to the back of Namjoon’s fingers. A good sign. “Right. Great. This is great! Lemme just…”
Namjoon grabs his phone again and—only a little embarrassingly—types ‘popular given names in South Korea’ to the Naver search bar, which leads him to a fuckton of baby names websites and more than a few articles listing celebrity names. He scrolls until he finds an academic blog with a list of names that were popular in the 90s and after skimming it for a moment, he deems it good enough to try.
“So, hm… Is your name Jihoon, by any chance?” Namjoon looks at the cat and the cat stares back but there’s no reaction. Probably a ‘no’ then. “O-kay. Is it Junseo?” Not a pip. “Joonho?” An actual hiss. “Junyeong?” The kitten swats at the exposed leg skin below the hem of Namjoon’s basketball shorts and it doesn’t quite hurt but Namjoon is pretty sure that he felt a bit of a claw there. “Alright buddy, I get it. Not Junyeong. We hate Junyeong, apparently.” The last part is more of a murmur, his eyes back to the list, already searching for the next best candidate. “What about… Jimin?”
Silence.
Then the space-time fabric warps around the ball of three-colored fur that somehow becomes a blur as it suddenly gains speed and seemingly loses matter. Or in more mundane words: the calico kitten gets The Zoomies.
It’s incredibly entertaining to see, at least up until the kitten decides he’s going to use his newfound acceleration to hop onto Namjoon’s chest thus throwing him backward until his head hits the front of the couch. It doesn’t hurt, but it startles Namjoon enough that his first instinct is to hold on to the thing closest to him—which happens to be the cat on his chest.
Holding the kitten seems to have a calming effect on him, the pent-up energy receding to give way to a string of content purrs and meows. Namjoon can feel him pawing at his chest, almost kneading it over Namjoon’s t-shirt. It feels weird but it’s not a bad sensation. If anything, it’s kind of relaxing.
“Jimin, hm? It’s a pretty name. It suits you,” Namjoon says after a moment, looking down to where the kitten is currently giving his pecs the cookie-dough treatment. “I’m Namjoon, in case you were wondering. Nice to meet you, Jimin-ssi.”
To this, the kitten looks up, his yellow eyes eerily fixed on Namjoon. For a brief second, it’s almost as if Namjoon can see the man he met the night before, those eyes the same that captivated him enough to bring Jimin back to his home and offer himself on a silver platter without even asking for a name. Then the kitten yawns and the moment morphs into a cuteness fest.
Namjoon coos, scritching behind the cat’s ears.
“Are you sleepy again, little guy? Do you need to recharge some more?”
The kitten purrs, his eyes staying closed after another big yawn that Namjoon mimics without meaning to. It makes Namjoon notice how tired he is, the emotions of the day plus the antihistamines side effects making his eyelids feel heavy and his brain slightly foggy.
“What if I join you, hm? Wouldn’t that be nice?” Namjoon asks even though he’s already made up his mind.
He holds the kitten with one hand and pushes himself up with the other until he’s fully seated on the three-seater couch, then he lies with his head on the armrest and his long legs as far as they’ll go, with kitten Jimin still perfectly secured on top of his chest. Once he’s comfortable enough, he closes his eyes and his hand finds Jimin’s scritching spot of their own accord. It makes Jimin move again, rubbing his face and body against Namjoon’s chest as if he wants to carve himself a kitten-shaped place there.
Eventually, Jimin settles and it makes Namjoon smile like a fool, the soft purring and the cat’s natural body heat luring him into his very own dreamland. One full of softness, warmth, and a beautiful voice that seems to call Namjoon by his name.