Chapter Text
Getting close to anyone was out of the question for Annie Leonhart.
Her purpose in life had surmounted to one goal; fulfil her duty as a warrior by retrieving the Founding Titan on Paradis Island, so she could be accepted back home, and see her father again.
The days she trained with her father were excruciating, never going a day without feeling the aches of pebble-sized bruises on her body, but there was a familiar comfort when it came to her father.
But for everyone else in this damned world, there was no way.
Everyone on this island was a supposed enemy, and although the Paradisian public wasn’t aware of the treacherous Female Titan, she knew she didn’t belong in this cadet corps of hopeful Paradisian soldiers.
Though, in the two and a half years she had been cooped up here, she may have only spoken at most three times a day. She only observed them from afar, forming judgements from the vague interactions she had with them.
From the few who stood out, there were oddballs like Sasha and Connie, who, despite their antics and lack of seriousness, were gifted soldiers.
There was Jean, who was boastful and simply wanted an easy life in the interior. He was annoying.
Marco was similar to Jean in his sense of duty, but it seemed like he came from a place that was more genuine, yet naive, in the name of helping humanity.
There were also the girls in her cabin; Krista, Ymir, Hannah and Mina. They were all nice enough because they knew to keep out of her way most of the time.
There was Reiner, who was the reason she was dragged to this damn training facility in the first place. She couldn’t stand his face, and he basically absorbed Marcel’s personality. But he was a pathetic piece of shit who had hidden under the mask of a Paradisian soldier… and if given the choice, she would never look at him again.
Bertholdt was nothing more than a guy who followed Reiner around everywhere, and just existed. Needless to say, he hadn’t left a strong impression on Annie, even after all of these years.
Then came the almost inseparable trio from Shiganshina, who had joined the cadet corps for reasons that baffled everyone. They were almost always together, and it was as though there was no way to separate them.
The first was Eren, who was loud and way too eager to kill all titans in order to serve vengeance for his deceased mother. He was too hot-headed for his own good.
The second was Mikasa, who followed Eren around like a moth to a flame, like some instinctual function to keep a close eye on him to stop him from doing something stupid, (which happened a lot). The only times Annie saw her away from Eren was when she was snoring loudly in the girl’s cabin.
And the third and final one was Armin Arlert. Armin was… an anomaly. He was the kind you could describe as overly friendly. In fact, he was quite separable from his friends, as he seemed to find it worthwhile to befriend everyone with those conversational skills of his.
He branched out to literally everyone in one way or another, bonding over kitchen duties with some and his dreams of visiting the ocean to others. It was almost like he didn’t care about becoming attached to everyone, since she knew there was a sure chance a few of them would be dead in less than a year.
Armin also looked about how you would expect someone like him to look like; he was the bookish kind, more knowledgeable than he was athletic. Those shoulder length strands of blond hair could’ve been a shield from all of the hardships he had faced.
His button nose with a smooth ridge was the opposite to his mobility during training, but alike to the way his voice softened whenever he said ‘hello, Annie’.
Whenever she caught a glimpse of his cerulean blue eyes, she saw a glimmer of hope that went beyond where they were now, like the ocean he dreamed of so vehemently. Almost like the time she saw the ocean when she was transported to Paradis. It wasn’t as nearly as magical as he made it sound, but they appeared to continue beyond the horizon.
He stuck out like a sore thumb during training. It was obvious when something was on his mind again, as his reaction time would be slower, and he'd end up falling backwards on the dirt, acting like it didn’t phase him.
He always held his swords with a weak, shaking grip. He would always be panting and out of breath at the beginning of any exercise, starting at ten minutes maximum on record. He always fell over during hand to hand combat, still dusting off specks on dirt when they made it back to the common space, even scoring a few shallow cuts on his hands.
The poor thing. It was almost pathetic how he decided to join the military. Sometimes while she was slacking off, she would itch to walk over and offer to give him assistance, just so he wouldn’t make more of an embarrassment out of himself. But, she would always hold herself back by facing away and anchoring her feet into the ground.
She couldn’t be like him.
She couldn’t get close to anyone on the island.
She couldn’t get attached to anyone on the island.
Especially not bookworms that couldn’t leave her field of vision, no matter how hard she would try to look away.
“Hey, Annie? What are you doing?” a voice came from someone behind her, someone who she spotted jogging over to her out of the corner of her eye.
“Oh, hey,” she said, turning around and pulling her hands up to cradle her arms against her chest. “Why are you here?”
He smiled inquisitively at the question. “I figured you were bored. Someone as skilled as you would probably find exercises like this as a poor use of your time.”
He did this a lot—with basically everyone. Always trying to read into people like they were books, drawing some conclusion that was more meticulous than it needed to be.
Annie sighed drearily. “No, I haven’t. You should get back to your training though. If someone with my skill has been slacking off, then you’d have a way to go before you can do the same.”
“Oh, I see,” He said, downhearted by her dismissive tone, “That’s quite thoughtful of you to consider though, even for someone weak like me.”
He didn’t do much to hide his insecurities in the way his voice cracked, but he kept up that dumb positive attitude of his as he waved her farewell and ran back to Jean, who he was partnered with.
She placed a hand on her hip, watching him as he explained something to his partner, before they both stood in position with their stubby wooden knives and charged at each other.
Annie mentally listed the newest of the strange things that Armin had done; see her blunt advice as her looking out for his well-being. He’d certainly be the first to see it that way, and it strangely didn’t make her uncomfortable.
“Welcome back, Annie! You’re just in time,” Hannah Diamant called as Annie entered into the girl’s cabin.
The blonde had just returned from the showers, which she always visited much later than the others, due to how rambunctious it got.
Annie squinted an eye, all of the others were seated on the floor in a circle, combing each other’s wet hair. “Just in time for what?” She asked.
“The secrets circle!” Mina Carolina announced with glee.
Annie rubbed her drooping wet hair with the towel on her shoulders as her face stayed apathetic. “And you want me to join, because?”
“Because while we all sleep in the same dorm, we don’t know a whole lot about each other, so we came up with the idea for a secrets circle!” Hannah answered as she finished tying Krista’s hair in a fish braid.
“Why, though? Aren’t secrets supposed to be secrets for a reason?” Annie asked.
“Because it’s fun,” Mina answered with a wide smile. “And it’s not like we would share anything too alarming. Just things like crushes, embarrassing stories, rumors about people we know, just that stuff.”
“I see. I don’t want any part of that,” Annie said as she climbed the wooden ladder to get to her bed.
“Oh, that’s a shame,” Mina sighed, as though she expected the aloof blonde to join them.
Mina should have known there was no way Annie would’ve agreed to this anyway; she’d slept on the bunk below her for all of their years here. That was enough time to get a read on someone else’s boundaries.
That, or Mina had considered Annie letting her sleep on the bottom bunk due to her fear of rolling out of bed, as a kind deed.
Though, out of all of the girls in the cabin, Mina was surprisingly one of the ones she thought was okay. She was respectful, and knew Annie’s boundaries for the most part (or when she should stay out of her way).
Not like the others though…
“Now I wonder what weird shit you have hiding under that scary face of yours, Annie,” Ymir teased snarkily.
Annie groaned and rolled onto her side, facing away from the group with her white hoodie covering her head, even if it was uncomfortable with her wet hair; she needed anything to tell the others she was ignoring them.
All of the girls seemed to wait until Annie was completely still until they spoke up again, almost like some unspoken rule that they couldn’t start again until they were sure she wasn’t joining in.
“Oh! How about we share crushes next?” Hannah said in an enthusiastic whisper.
“Crushes?” Mikasa asked.
“As in people we like,” Ymir said smugly.
“Oh, I see,” Mikasa said casually.
“I have a hunch that you like Eren, Mikasa,” Hannah whispered across the circle to Mikasa, but it was loud enough for even the ‘sleeping’ blonde to hear.
“What would make you think that?” Mikasa asked calmly.
“It’s just a girl’s intuition. It’s not hard to see when someone is in love,” Hannah explained.
“Oh, but it really isn’t like that,” Mikasa affirmed.
“Okay then,” Hannah said, giving up on querying the raven haired girl. “I’ve already told Krista and Mina, but I just can’t get Franz off my mind.”
“Ooh!” Sasha said, engaged.
“Is there anyone who you like, Sasha?” Hannah asked, leaning in.
“Nope. There is no one I could love more than bread, or beef, or pork, or mushroom stew, or—“
“Okay, we get it, Potato Girl,” Ymir cut in.
“Hey, I keep saying I don’t like that nickname! I didn’t even mention potatoes!” Sasha wept, trying to defend herself.
“Okay then, well, what about you, Mina?” Hannah asked, turning to Mina.
“Well… oh gosh, oh golly, gee, oh my! That’s a tough question. Could I say my top five instead? I can’t pick just one,” Mina admitted, giggling as she lightly pulled at her pigtails.
“What? You have a top five?” Ymir said in disbelief.
“Yeah… I’ve thought about this for a while, since so many of the boys are nice, and I just can’t help myself,” Mina giggled cheerfully.
Annie rolled her eyes against her pillow.
“So, in no particular order: number five is Connie Springer,” Mina began.
Sasha made a noise with her lips that sounded as though she had passed gas. “Oh man, he would never believe something like that!” she said with disbelief.
“Well, he’s quite funny and surprisingly helpful. One time, he bumped into me, and then apologised for a whole minute! It was so funny of him, and I can’t help but laugh whenever he’s around,” Mina explained softly.
“Ooh! That’s interesting!” Sasha remarked with amazement.
Annie then took her pillow out from under her head and covered her ears from hearing the rest of Mina explaining the guys she liked. She didn’t feel like it was any of her business to listen to Mina explain why she liked Samuel and Mylius for a whole two minutes, let alone listen to any of their desirable traits.
Then it came down to number two.
“As for my number two, it would be someone who is unforgettable in my mind, and that someone would be Armin Arlert.”
The name rang in Annie’s ears like her father calling her from inside the shack.
“Armin?” Mikasa gasped, as expected from her, considering she was childhood friends with the boy.
“Yeah… I hope that isn’t weird, Mikasa.” Mina blushed.
“I mean… I can’t stop you if that’s the way you feel about him,” Mikasa said politely.
“Really? Thank you for not finding it weird, Mikasa,” Mina thanked with gratitude.
“Of course not, in fact, I think someone like you would go well for him,” Mikasa said as though she was Armin’s mother.
“Really?” Mina gasped.
“Let’s not forget you already told Sasha how you feel about Connie Springer of all people. Mikasa’s not the only one you shocked tonight.” Ymir pointed out teasingly.
“Oh right, but promise you guys won’t tell them about what I said!” Mina pleaded in a whisper.
“My lips are sewn shut,” Mikasa answered nobly.
“I kinda forgot until Ymir brought it up again, but I won’t say anything!” Sasha agreed enthusiastically.
“Thank you!” Mina smiled purely.
“But what is it you even like about him though?” Ymir asked, like it was absurd that she would like Armin.
“Well… it’s his gentleness mostly. He is always so thoughtful towards others, and will strike up conversations about anything. He’s really charming, he is a bit goofy, and he has a way with words that makes your heart beat more rapidly as he looks at you with his shining eyes,” Mina swooned.
Yeah, he talks to everyone though. It’s not like it’s any different when he talks to one person over everyone else.
“Well, I can’t say I’ve ever heard someone describe Armin like that before. Usually it’s just about his haircut or for reading books,” Mikasa mused.
“Well, his haircut is pretty cute. I know it’s not the most fashionable for boys our age, but I personally like it. Oh, and let’s not forget that he once asked me to go feed some sparrows our leftover bread crumbs because they had nestlings they needed to feed. He just has a warm heart, and I’m touched that he would ask me to go with him,” Mina swooned even more than before.
Literally all this girl needs is someone paying attention to her and she’s got the idea that she’s in love. She doesn’t have a clue.
Usually, Annie wouldn’t butt into these kinds of conversations, but this was just stupid to listen to.
“Okay, but do you even like any of them if you like all of them?” She said, turning over and sitting up.
“I see someone wasn’t asleep,” Ymir remarked.
“What do you mean?” Mina asked, her voice cracking from Annie’s sudden question.
“What I mean is, are you sure what you’re feeling is love?” Annie explained wryly.
“I’m sorry, I still don’t get what you mean?” Mina asked, once more.
Annie really didn’t want to explain herself. Romance was the least of her worries, but it seemed to plague Mina’s mind. She was young and naive, and Annie, while being a similar age, had to think logically like she was many years older than she actually was.
She had to develop the mindset and life experience of someone with years beyond her own, years she would never reach herself. Her father’s training taught her many of those life lessons, many of which she came to realise by herself. Surely, Mina’s head wasn’t in the right place.
“You can only ever love one person. If there was anyone else involved, you’re just using them. Who you love is something you consciously decide, and once you decide you almost experience a heart attack. What you’re experiencing is just wanting attention,” Annie explained.
“Heart attack? Annie, where have you been getting your love advice from?” Ymir pointed out.
“It sounds more like a metaphor about falling in love?” Hannah said, trying to figure out whatever Annie had said.
“Wait, don’t tell me you meant that all literally?” Ymir mocked.
Annie squinted an eye, “I’m sorry, but isn’t that how people find love?”
Ymir practically bursted out laughing. “I can’t with this girl!”
“Ymir! Don’t laugh at her!” Krista reprimanded.
“No, she is literally hilarious!” Ymir continued cracking herself up as attention turned back to Mina as she cleared her throat.
“Well, it’s not really like that, but kind of,” Mina said politely, trying to hide pain in her voice, “But I know it’s love, because I like them all in a lovey way, because of how my stomach gets all swirly.”
“Like, you feel sick?” Annie cut in, genuinely curious about what she got wrong about this thing all of the others seemed to understand.
“No, in a softer way,” Mina corrected with a gentle smile, “It’s like when you see them, you feel lighter. You feel nervous when you look at them, but somehow, it’s a nice kind of nervous. They always catch your eye when they’re around, and it’s hard to keep your eyes away, like you’re naturally drawn to them.”
Annie tilted her head and scoffed. “That doesn’t sound fun. Why would anyone put themselves through that?”
“You don’t choose to. It just happens,” Mina gushed, grabbing a pillow from the bed behind her.
“Okay…” Annie said.
“But I know I like all five of them, because they’ve all given me those feelings,” Mina continued enthusiastically, gently hugging the pillow. “One day, I might choose one over the others, and put all of my attention towards him, but for now, I’m fine with imagining scenarios with all of them.”
“Well, that’s a difficult scenario. Not when you’re both training in the military,” Annie pointed out.
The others all shot her glares.
“Most likely you both won’t end up in the military police. You might have to deal with titans if you’re in the garrison, and oh help you if either of you end up in the survey corps,” Annie listed, only deepening the wounds she had already cut.
Mina dug her fingers into the pillow and stared down at the floor, her dark eyes starting to water. “Oh…”
“T-there’s always retiring! You can still settle down with one of them, one day!” Sasha quickly jumped in to lighten the situation.
“And I’m sure Annie didn’t mean it in a mean way, she’s just looking out for you!” Krista added.
But it was evident that Annie’s words had hurt the hopeful girl, who was now unable to hold her tears back.
“Geez, Annie, you sound just like a sad, divorced woman,” Ymir said in a snarky tone.
“I was only telling it how it is,” Annie said simply.
“So, I guess it’s safe to say that Annie isn’t harbouring feelings for anyone,” Ymir pointed out. “Something like love is beyond her. Or, she’s just in denial that she likes someone.”
Annie dismissively turned her body over again and stared at the wooden wall.
“So, who do you like?” Ymir prodded.
Annie pretended she had fallen asleep, and didn’t give the persistent Ymir anything. If she was lucky, this would all blow over come morning and no one would care about this once again.
She couldn’t understand Mina. Annie had learnt years ago not to get attached to anyone or anything; if you were going to risk your life, you had no time to do that. She couldn’t get why no one else understood it—had they just been so pleased with their peaceful lives inside the walls, never seeing the truth of war that they think their lives would be just like their parents?
It was pathetic thinking, and surely the Shiganshina trio understood that there were issues bigger than themselves, considering they came here.
But she did overhear Mikasa encourage Mina before about her chances with Armin.
So maybe that wasn’t the case with them.