Chapter Text
Oleks: So, is it boring?
Oleks: You know, without your favorite blond around.
Kevin: Honestly, you are hardly anyones favorite blond.
Oleks: I KNEW IT!! You already replaced me with that nordic lamp post.
Kevin: If only he was as annoying as you.
Kevin: Seriously he's like you, but on cocaine.
read 12:34 pm
Oleks is calling...
Kevin sighs. He really is not ready to hear Oleks again. It still feels like he'll turn up to training like any other day.
"How is my favorite soulless ginger doing? Missed me? Are the guys okay? What's Haaland like? I miss you so much, the dudes here are SOOOOO boring!" Oleks starts speaking 140 words per second, much to Kevins annoyance, barely having picked up the phone.
"Damn, slow down. You're giving me a headache." Kev pauses for a minutes, then goes on, trying to remember the order of the questions. "I am unfortunately still alive. Yes, we all miss you, the guys are doing great. I saw you playing, congrats, good performance."
"Normal performance, from the greatest ever midfielder from Ukraine!" Oleks giggles on the other end and Kevin rolls his eyes for what seems to be 100th time during the short conversation.
"You're an average left back, at best." Kevin decides to feed into the banter, not very captain-like of him.
"I am deeply hurt. Incredibly so. Oh, how could the mighty de Bruyne say such mean things to little old me? Fuck you, seriously. What's Haaland like? Is he hot?" Oleks asks that one question, so meaningless to him, that makes Kevin want to throw his phone against the wall.
"Please do not commit over how deeply I hurt you. Do keep living to annoy me another day. I'm hanging up now. Bye, don't die or do some stupid shit in London."
Kevin hangs up, and if he heard Oleksandr scream that his question wasn't answered, he will just act like he didn't.
It's not that he doesn't like the guy. He just can't wrap his head around what the effect he has on him is. He's 31, he should be able to read people by now. And he knows he is, great vision comes with good prediction skills. Or something like that. Not a man of words to be real. He always preferred actions, direct and transparent actions at that. But this kid, because "oh fuck we are getting old seriously Kevin are we overthinking a kid?", this kid is unpredictable. You would be passing to him in training now, and the next moment he's somehow destroying Ederson at penalties. It's not that he can't keep up, maybe he's just getting way too old for this shit. The guy's not unattractive either, but that big mouth of his knocks off a few points. Kids rapping only amuses Rodri, and oh does that end up in fights with Aymeric. "Are you fucking with me? I heard enough flamenco during the international break, do I really gotta listen to this, AT HOME?" Aymeric would scream, Rodri would laugh at his outburst, and everyone would move on. Sometimes Joao would try calming him down, with no results. Kevin never understood the spaniards. Half of them we're angry all the time, like they absorb Ramos' DNA during break, and the other half was relaxed and carefree, just like Rodri. Though, Kevin suspects it might be all the french blood in Aymeric. The flemish patriot in him shudders at the fact he plays with french dudes. The rational part of him puts that aside. He's just happy the team gets along. The new guys fit right in, Julian and Phil instantly becoming bffs, Kalvin sticking to his national team mates until the others approach him, and Haaland was instantly loved, by everyone, literally EVERYONE. Ederson took to bullying his new goalkeeper buddy right away. Joao was not impressed.
Kevin blinks a few times, like waking up from a daydream. Thinking too hard. How did he even get from Oleks' stupid questions to analyzing his team. Overthinking shit all the time is a habit he should really give up. But it's good isn't it? Knowing everyone like the back of your hand? It's for the good of the team, that's what captains do. Right?
"Stop lying subconscious Kevin. We both know that's bullshit. You're just scared of knowing yourself, that's why you prefer analyzing others." he says to his expression, that looks back at him mockingly
You hate yourself. You're not enough. Never will be. You know what you did. You know what you let him do. You know who you are deep down. Let it shine.
"FUCK! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" his fist barely misses the mirror, smashing painfully against the wall. He yells again, this time in pain, anger slowly slipping from his mind.
He is utterly fucked. Hates himself, his feelings overwhelm him, has no idea what his sexuality is anymore, missing therapy sessions one after the other and being way too harsh with the people he loves. He starts regretting the way he ended the conversation with Oleks earlier, the ukrainian just trying to keep their friendship going, even with the distance. He remembers the first time they met, the big blue eyes staring at him in awe, just a kid all pale skin, blonde hair and a rough accent. If there was a person he could name that he would have loved to have, it would have been Oleksandr. But that ship sailed long before he could get on it. Now thinking back, maybe becoming besties, ugly brothers, whatever the fans call them, was the best decision. It's how things are supposed to be. Just like they are supposed to be with Eden. And everyone else. Kevin doesn't do feelings. Not anymore.
He just can't figure out what the fuck he is feeling because of the existence of a certain nordic meatshield of a man. He can feel a headache building into an ugly episode of migraines, maybe he should just stop thinking. Turn off his brain, just for a while. So he unceremoniously crashes into bed and falls asleep not long after.