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"Congratulations!" Riki beams as soon as Sunoo and Heeseung go to his table. He flashed a smile and hugged the both of them, missing the familiar warmth he had felt when they were still in college.
The two have been Riki's friends ever since he was a freshman. The three of them had met during the freshman event, which eventually led to their friendship. The two had been on his side, through failures and achievements, throughout his college journey. But the thing is that the two of them fell in love during their second year, which isn't a bother to Riki, though. He knew the two would eventually end up together, with just the subtle glances and overall care they had for each other. It was obvious.
True to Riki's prediction, they’re now here, having finally tied the knot of their relationship. Seven years, and going stronger.
While Riki—he was still there.
The smile he had had never left his lips as he caught up with the two. It has been so long since they had a little reunion due to them being so, so busy with work, and of course, preparing for the wedding.
"How are you?" Sunoo asks, a sudden worried expression etched on his face.
The youngest of the three raises both brows, a bit surprised by the sudden change of topic. The smile that was glued to his lips slowly faded. He blinks as if it is his way of telling himself to function properly. Heavy breaths escaped his nose, the atmosphere getting a little gloomy.
People around the venue were noisy—busy chit-chatting with each other and talking about the stars of the event. Riki didn't need to roam his eyes around the place to see people passing by them, some were glancing while some were just literally passing by to get food or to take some pictures.
They passed by him just like the time did. They passed by right before his eyes just like he did.
He blinks again to suspend the forming tears in his eyes. He smiled and calmed his thumping heart.
"I'm doing good."
Lie . He knew he had said that for himself to believe; not for his friends to take as an answer.
"Are you sure?" Heeseung was also worried. "You know you can always talk to us about that ."
"We're here for you, Ki." The fox-eyed guy reached for his hand on the table and caressed it.
Riki stretches the ends of his lips to widen his smile, "I know." He nods. "Thank you."
"How are Jungwon and Jake doing? I saw their post about them getting engaged last week."
And just like that, the topic was changed and the heavy atmosphere turned into something light. Light enough for Riki to carry the conversation throughout.
Soon after, the event had finally come to an end. Riki drives his way home, occasionally tapping the steering wheel as his mind goes through the pages of the past as if he had already memorized each word and sentence written on it.
He loosened his tie, thinking it would somehow ease the feeling of the heaviness pooling in his chest. Tears were, again , threatening to fall from his eyes. He bit his lower lip, preventing another breakdown from happening.
He was so tired of it.
His friends are now happily married, while some went through a breakup. But it didn't stop them. People walked toward their paths, some were even running. They didn't stop even if the road they were taking had bumps. Strangers get born, and some strangers get buried. It happens, it cannot be stopped. Time flew by right before his eyes. It didn't stop nor will it.
But he was still there, stuck at the time he prayed he forgot about. Years have passed, and thousands of prayers were delivered to Him. But nothing happened. He was still there, glued on the same ground while people around him moved. While the time continuously ticks. While everybody moved on with their daily life. He stayed there.
He wants to move. He wants to walk with the people around him, carefree whether he would bump into someone or trip on his way. He wants to run. Run away from where he was stuck and continue with his life. All he did was to want , want, and want .
He wants to , but can't .
The pages stick to him like a bubblegum stuck in the hair. It was hard to flip through the next page to unveil the next chapter. Dust can already be collected from his hair from staying there for so long, like books left on the bookshelves, all uncleaned. Some cobwebs can even be seen. He still didn't move.
Instead, he found himself at the place again. The familiar aroma of the restaurant brushed through his nostrils as he pushed the door open, making the windchimes create a clicking sound. The door went shut, but he stood in front of it, eyes moving from left to right until it stopped on the usual spot at the corner.
He walks, slowly , shoes tapping on the wooden floor. He then stops when he comes face to face with the table covered in white cloth. A picture of shattered glass flashed in his eyes until it soon faded into thin air.
The ghost of them sitting across from each other on the table was then seen. He thought he was hallucinating—he was. He was again living in his little fantasy, where everything hadn't been broken. He was twenty-three, and the silver-haired guy was twenty-five. Their laughs rang in his ears and echoed in his mind. It felt just right .
He blinks. Everything then changed. He hears a glass that has been shattered somewhere. And then it hits him. He sees himself begging . It was such a sight to see. His twenty-four-year-old self was left with tears when the silver-haired man went out of the restaurant and drove home. He left him.
"Sir?" Riki was a tad bit surprised when a waiter walked up to him and tapped his shoulder several times. His tears would've already fallen if it weren't for the waiter, he thanked him in his mind.
"Wine." He flashed a small smile. "I'll just have some wine. Thanks." The waiter nodded and went to prepare his order.
The chair made a creaking sound when it was pulled. He sat there, his eyes peeking behind the big glass windows that stretched from the ceiling to the floor. Vehicles and people passed by, and some street food vendors across the road were even seen giving their customers orders.
He sips on his served wine, the bitter and sweet taste mixing in his taste buds. He moved the wine glass in a circular manner, watching how the blood-red liquid inside moved along.
Right then and there, he wonders. The world is rotating on its axis. Although it will take 365 days for it to complete one revolution, it continues. It didn't stop. Time is also ticking continuously, even if it will take 24 hours for it to reset. It didn't stop. It didn't even have time to stop. It just.. continues.
So why can't he do the same thing?
How? How can they just go on with their lives like that, while he's here, stuck on the same page? How can the world continue its job to rotate without having the time to rest? How can time just fly so fast, that he failed to level its pace?
He gripped the wine glass a little tighter than usual when he felt another wave of feelings rushing up his spine. He takes a deep breath in and breathes the air out using his mouth. His eyes immediately darted at the restaurant’s entrance when the windchimes clanked. He shivers when he sees a familiar back leaving the place. He blinked to see clearly, but the man already left. He unconsciously stood up as his eyes searched for the familiar stance of the man he knew he could recognize everywhere.
But he already left. He already did two years ago.
He sat on the chair, eyes shaky and heart racing. A lump in his throat was forming along with the unshed tears that had been pooling in his eyes ever since he arrived here. He sat there, thinking about what people told him before.
"It was a sad sight," he heard an elderly woman whisper when she passed by him, head bent low on the table and tears continuously falling from his eyes.
"Try looking from a different perspective!" His colleague said. "Everything will soon be alright, Riki." It was such an attempt to cheer him up. An attempt. Because even if she said that everything would soon be alright, Riki felt like it wouldn't nor would ever be. Because he was left with no choice but to stay in the same place, not moving and staying still.
He did everything. He tried . But he was stuck. Everything around him moved, but he didn't. He can't .
He bit his lower lip, a poor attempt to prevent his tears from falling. It might've shed blood from how hard he was biting it, from how hard he was trying not to. He lets out a shaky breath, inhaling and exhaling to calm himself down. He covers his mouth, trying not to create a sound.
Everything was mute for him, even a pin drop could be heard. All he could hear was the voice of Park Sunghoon in his head, repeatedly saying “I love you” and “I'm sorry”. It was all mixed up. His head was fucked up.
People sitting near and passing by him all had worried faces. Even the staff were concerned. He didn't care. All he cared about were the voices of his past lover in his mind. He wanted it to stop. He wanted him to stop.
"Please.." He mutters, voice trembling. "Let me move."
He hit his head multiple times. It didn't hurt. He hit his chest, hard and continuously. It still didn't hurt. He was numb.
He just sat there, crying. The scene was utterly familiar. It happens. Always .
Riki was there, right where Sunghoon left him. And it will continue to happen forever , left with no choice but to just stay. Stuck and unmoving.