Work Text:
There were many things that Sunoo liked about Jay.
First was his attractiveness. It was the first thing Sunoo had noticed about the older. From his short blue hair and his angular jaw to the shiny ring that hung on the side of his bottom lip, Sunoo could successfully say that the mere sight of Jay made his knees go weak. It was definitely not office attire and Sunoo was sure if he or any of his other colleagues were bold enough to do that, they would've been fired instantly. But Jay was their manager, their senior at work and he had much more authority than they would ever have.
Second, was his personality. He was effortlessly funny and no matter how bad the jokes were, Sunoo always found his stomach hurting from how hard he laughed. Sure there were days were Jay would look at him with a stern glare but it never stopped the other times when he would give the others a gentle smile after they had done a good job on their project.
Third, was his mentality. Jay was a stubborn and hard-headed man who would consistently work hard towards his goals. He had bright plans for the future of their company and he would not stop at anything to make it happen.
Maybe this was why Sunoo liked him, and Sunoo wished the universe could be kind to him just once and give his heart a break or any sort of happiness with this newfound love he held in his heart for Jay.
But the universe was never nice to Sunoo, he knew that much.
And this is what his one uttermost regret was: falling for the person he knew could never love him back.
"Sunoo-ah, please focus." Jay said somewhat irritatedly. It was quite late but the office was still filled with the main team, all of them with their heads buried in their work. It wasn't helping that everyone was already exhausted, so any mistakes that were pointed out by their manager immediately meant they had to listen to a long lecture and receive more work for the next day as punishment.
Sunoo seemed to be taking it the hardest though since it was somewhat impossible to get the damn files checked. He had two main documents which he kept messing up no matter how carefully he read through them and the more drowsy he got from a lack of sleep, the worse he became and was subject to the glares from other colleagues for messing up.
He knew they weren't malicious looks and they would most definitely apologise to him the next day because everyone was tired and just wanted to go home, but it still didn't hurt any less.
Especially because their manager was the most irritated one of them all.
"Sunoo- god, can you please just focus?" Jay snapped angrily when Sunoo accidentally knocked over the pen-holder, spilling all the black and blue inked pens onto the floor.
"I'm sorry, sunbaenim," Sunoo mumbled under his breath, trying to calm his anger.
He knew Jay was only in a bad mood because of a horrible mix of exhaustion and stress, but Sunoo started to get pissed as well, not understanding why he was the basis of Jay's anger.
In his defence, he wasn't the only one who made mistakes. Niki had been staring at the same screen for three minutes now and Heeseung had spilled his americano all over the table but no one ever said anything to them. Yet the second Sunoo breathed too slowly, they were all jumping at their feet, ready to snap at him.
"Don't apologise, just do better," Jay grumbled under his breath as he moved back to his desk and opened his laptop.
Sunoo nodded and bit his lip, trying to ignore the stinging feeling on his nose. He was absolutely not going to cry, not here in front of his colleagues and manager. It was bad enough that everyone was already upset and his crying would just make things worse.
"Hey, Sunoo hyung?" Jungwon called from across the desk. Sunoo peered over the divider and saw Jungwon's head poking out and peering at him.
"Yes?" he asked slowly, hoping that his voice wasn't shaky.
"Could you get us some coffee? I'm kinda struggling to stay awake." Jungwon whispered sheepishly and Sunoo frowned.
"I'm sorry, but I don't want to upset Jay even more, Jungwon-ah." Sunoo tried to reason but Jungwon rolled his eyes. "Getting him coffee will make him feel better, hyung. You know how much he loves americanos." Jungwon reasoned.
Sunoo paused and thought about it. He pursed his lips as he glanced between Jungwon's curious gaze and Jay's face which was set into a hard glare as he stared at his laptop.
"Okay." Sunoo breathed out and slowly got up from his chair. Thankfully, Jay was too focused on his own work to realise that Sunoo had gotten up.
"Thanks, hyung." Jungwon smiled before turning back to his own computer.
Sunoo had a nervous smile on his lips as he passed his other coworkers who gave him either tired or judgemental glances. This was the right thing to do, right? Jungwon did make it seem like the right choice since Jay absolutely loved Americanos.
If Sunoo could ease his mind a bit, maybe that would make things a lot better between them. Besides, the team also wanted them, so maybe he could help boost morale and get them to stop being so snappy at him.
He thanked the lady in the cafe as she handed him two large 4-unit cupholder trays with their 7 drinks. He knew he was going to need one to boost his energy so he had happily ordered it for himself as well.
He waddled his way into the elevator, bowing slightly to the three men that got in after him as he pushed himself to the corner of the elevator. Sunoo couldn't help the eery feeling that overcame him as he noticed the three men continuously turning back and looking at him with narrowed eyes.
He kept his head low and prayed that the elevator would reach his level quickly but the universe never liked him. "Isn't that the gay kid?" The man in the front whispered and Sunoo heard it loud and clear, his breath hitching in his throat.
The other two men glanced back at him and he could feel this sudden uncomfortable tension in the enclosed space. "It is- it's Kim Sunoo. Fuck, why'd we end up in the same elevator as him?" One of the other men said with a groan.
"He's so fucking gross, liking men." The third man said with a sneer, raising his voice slightly louder and Sunoo pressed himself even further into the corner.
The sudden rage that filled Sunoo's body was indescribable and his fists tightened around the handles of the cupholders but he didn't say anything, instead his eyes welling with furious tears that threatened to fall.
It was finally Sunoo's level and the elevator doors opened with a ding, and he rushed out immediately, not even bothering to bow to the three seniors as he left. He was enraged and yet he couldn't do anything.
He rushed back into the main office, seeing his colleagues all busy in their work. Sunoo handed each of them their coffees, Jungwon being the only one that thanked him.
He sighed as he turned to look at where his manager was sitting and he saw that Jay was busy with a phone call, so Sunoo sat down at his desk with Jay's coffee in hand, waiting for the male to finish speaking.
It was around 5 minutes later when Jay placed the phone down and called for Sunoo, but his tone was far from friendly. Sunoo immediately grabbed the drink in his hand and made his way over to his manager.
"Here you go, sunbaenim," Sunoo said as he reached down to place the coffee on Jay's desk but Jay had turned abruptly and knocked into the male, making the drink spill all over the floor.
Sunoo gasped in shock and he immediately bent down to pick up the drink and started grabbing tissues while apologising. "Shit- I'm so sorry, sunbaenim!" He frantically apologised but Jay was seething.
"FOR FUCKS SAKES!" He shouted and Sunoo jumped slightly. All his other colleagues stopped work as they all turned to look at the two and Sunoo's cheeks flared red with shame.
"CAN'T YOU DO A SINGLE FUCKING THING RIGHT?" Jay shouted in his face and Sunoo bit his bottom lip to stop himself from bursting into tears.
"Jay-" Heeseung got up and began to approach the two but he stopped when Jay raised a hand.
"First you go ahead and disrespect three of our senior colleagues and then you spill coffee all over me? Are you trying to get fired?" Jay gritted his teeth as Sunoo frowned.
"Huh? But I didn't disrespect anyone?" He said and Jay scoffed at him.
"I just got a phone call that one of my team members had disrespected and ridiculed three senior colleagues in the elevator. How am I supposed to explain this to the chairman now, huh, that the team I'm working with is insolent and disrespectful?" Jay spat.
"I never said anything in the elevator! They were the ones who-" Sunoo tried to explain but Jay got closer to him and glared at him angrily.
"I don't give a fuck what you did, you're going to apologise to them tomorrow morning or else you won't be coming back here. Do you understand?" Jay seethed.
This was what Sunoo didn't like about Jay. He was so cruel, so easy to anger and he didn't trust Sunoo no matter whatever happened.
"I said do you understand?" Jay repeated and Sunoo bowed his head in shame, hearing snickers from some of the other team members.
"Yes, sunbaenim." Sunoo forced out, his eyes welling with tears but he didn't dare let them fall.
Jay moved away from him and looked at the rest of the team members. "I'm taking everyone for dinner, pack up your things." He said and Sunoo's colleagues cheered to themselves and began chatting as they packed away their things.
Sunoo turned around with the coffee-stained tissues in his hand but he was stopped by a rough hand gripping his shoulder. "You." Jay spat and Sunoo turned back around shakily.
"You're staying here until everything is done. I don't care what you have to do, but I want all the documents checked and printed when I'm back." Jay said and Sunoo nodded weakly, not having it in him to even speak anymore.
Jay pushed past Sunoo, bumping his shoulder into the younger which made him topple slightly. Sunoo watched as Jay went and placed an arm around Sunghoon's shoulders and laughed as he spoke with Jake and he couldn't help the sudden ugly feeling that arose in his body.
It was the worst mix of jealousy and anger, because why had Jay been so cruel to him but then turned back and acted so happily around the others? Sunoo's hands balled into fists as he went back into the seat, ignoring the large coffee stain on his clothes.
The way Jay acted around the other colleagues, the happy smiles and playful comments - this was the Jay that Sunoo had fallen for so badly. It was depressing really, that he could fall for that version of Jay when all he had ever been subject to was a cruel version, a person that made him hate living.
He fell for Jay's personality around the other members, he fell for Jay's soft smiles and pretty eyes that looked at other people, and he fell for Jay's strong confident work mentality that he would use to motivate and compliment the other team members.
He never experienced it first-hand, and this was what hurt Sunoo the most. He wanted to laugh at how stupid he was, falling for a man he knew he could never have.
A man who would never love him back.
Sunoo's other colleagues had all left the room and Jungwon was packing up his stuff while glancing at Sunoo. Sunoo looked up when he felt eyes on him and he made eye contact with the younger. Jungwon looked at Sunoo with a gaze that made him want to burst out crying, and Sunoo waited for Jungwon to say something, anything, but he let out a sigh as Jay called the younger.
Jungwon gave Sunoo a tight-lipped smile before he left the room, leaving Sunoo to work at his desk.
"Sunoo-ah, are you sure you'll be okay?" A voice asked, snapping Sunoo out of his daze. He looked up and saw Heeseung and Niki, the two tallest of his colleagues looking down at him in concern.
Well, mainly Heeseung was concerned, Niki seemed to be tagging along with a bored expression on his face. "I'll be alright," Sunoo said quickly and turned his head back to the laptop.
"But you haven't eaten anything-" Heeseung pressed on but Sunoo stopped him abruptly.
"I'm fine! Just- please, just go." Sunoo almost begged, his voice wavering slightly. Heesueng and Niki made eye contact with one another but they nodded nonetheless and left the room.
Sunoo couldn't hold himself back anymore and he let the tears fall from his eyes. he was thankful there was no one else in the room because it meant no one would have to hear his shaky breaths as he tried to swallow his sobs down.
It was in these moments that Sunoo truly regretted falling in love.
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Sunoo had his head down as he watched the machine in front of him whirr. The paper entered the machine and left the machine in the same slow fashion, Sunoo could almost pass out from boredom if he wasn't still so embarrassed about what had happened before.
All he wanted to do was make things better, but of course, the universe wanted him to suffer. He huffed and sighed deeply, turning to the door to take a glance at the clock beside it but he froze when he realised the door was open. Sunoo almost jumped out of his skin when he saw his manager standing in the doorway with an unreadable expression on his face.
"Sunbaenim?" Sunoo asked and Jay walked in slowly and stood near one of the printers with his arms crossed over his chest. Sunoo looked at him for a few seconds before looking back at the printer, the awkwardness almost unbearable for him. He was thinking of a way to apologise for spilling coffee all over his manager but before he could even begin to say anything, Jay cut him off harshly.
"Do you think you're better than us because you're gay?" Jay blurted out and Sunoo immediately froze, his jaw going slack in pure shock as his eyes widened in complete disbelief. When Jay came into the room, Sunoo half-expected an apology or an explanation but he was definitely not expecting this.
"Excuse me?" He snapped, his entire soul still in shock.
"You don't have to fucking pretend, I know what you're doing." Jay scoffed as he walked closer to Sunoo.
"What are you talking about?" Sunoo gnawed on his bottom lip, feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably.
"You knew exactly what I mean. Ever since you came out to the team, you think you have some sort of excuse to not do anything now because no one can say anything to you, huh?" Jay snapped and Sunoo was in complete disbelief again.
"What the fuck, Jay?" He spat, anger coursing through his veins. He no longer cared if he was being disrespectful to a senior at work.
But Jay merely scoffed at him, looking at him with nothing but disgust in his eyes. "I'm fucking sick of it you know. You never do anything, always dragging the entire team down with you. You're always looking at me with that gross look in your eyes and I hate it so much. I've told you I don't care about you being gay, but don't fucking push it onto me." Jay spat.
"Are you fucking serious? I'm not pushing anything onto you." Sunoo shouted. He was thankful none of the other members were in the office to hear this, but at the same time that made him feel something unsettling because now he was subject to all of Jay's rage.
"And what the fuck do you mean dragging the team down? I have been doing all my work to the best of my abilities." Sunoo said but he couldn't help that waver in his voice as he said those words.
Sure, he wasn't the best worker in the teams and whenever he was compared to any of his colleagues, he could always pinpoint something that he severely lacked in, but this didn't mean that he was dragging down the entire project, right?
"You haven't done anything to properly contribute to the project in the past few weeks Sunoo. This is such a huge opportunity for us and we have less than a week to make it happen, yet you still can't do a single thing right." Jay grit his teeth. "You said you would have the documents all checked and have a presentation for the group meeting, but you haven't done a single fucking thing and it's been affecting the rest of the group's morale."
"The group's morale has nothing to do with me," Sunoo argued.
"Are you not a part of this group?" Jay shouted, enraged. "Why are we all working so hard while you slack off and do whatever you want? You didn't even show up to work anymore and when you do, you're always just lazing around and messing things up!" Jay shouted.
"Because I was sick!? How was I supposed to show up to work if I couldn't even breathe?" Sunoo was exasperated, feeling his rage overwhelm him. "And what the fuck does that have to do with my sexuality?" Sunoo asked.
Jay looked at him in feigned disbelief for a second before laughing at him dryly. "You can't be serious? Do you know why Jungwon hasn't nagged at you for the presentation yet? Do you know why Heeseung hasn't said a word to you skipping so many work days?" Jay asked and for once Sunoo was silent.
"That's-" Sunoo stopped. Jay couldn't possibly be right-
"It's bad enough that you're gay, but you've started affecting the team as well and I'm not going to let this slide. Pull your fucking act together." Jay spat.
Sunoo wanted to cry as his mouth gaped open, no words coming out. In fact, he couldn't formulate a single thought because the guilt that weighed down on him was so strong, that it pulled his confidence and shoved it so far down.
He couldn't breathe.
It was silent for a few seconds, Sunoo's ragged breath and Jay's angry huffs being the only thing they could hear in the small space of the printing room.
"I'm sorry." Sunoo finally choked out. He didn't know why he was apologising and that rational part of his brain was practically screaming at him for even muttering those words, but this was Jay he was talking to.
Not Niki who he could scold, not Sunghoon who he could argue with, not Jake who he could sit down and talk with, not Jungwon who he could openly speak to, and not Heeseung who would understand.
This was Jay, the person who matter to Sunoo the most. It wasn't because Jay was his manager, it wasn't because he was a respected colleague, it was because he was in love with him.
And no matter how bad things got, his stupid heart couldn't find it in him to feel anything other than guilt. Every word Jay said had struck him deeply and all he could think about was how much the universe hated him to make him so pathetic in front of the man he loved.
"Your apology isn't going to fix anything," Jay said and got up ready to leave, but Sunoo couldn't just let the older leave like that after saying so many things to him. "Jay sunbaenim, I'm sorry." Sunoo apologised and he grabbed Jay's arm, trying to pull back the male but Jay immediately pulled away with a harsh glare set on his face as he stared at Sunoo in anger.
"Enough, Sunoo." Jay spat as he moved away but Sunoo reached out to grab him again.
"Jay, I'm sorry-"
"I said that's enough!" Jay shouted as he pushed at Sunoo's shoulders, momentarily shocking the younger as he stumbled backwards. If it were any other colleagues, Sunoo would have immediately retaliated in anger shouting back with just as much force, but he found himself frozen in place unable to say anything.
"I'm fucking sick of this Sunoo! All you ever do is mess up, and trust me, I waited and waited, hoping that you would learn and get better but no, you just keep making the same fucking mistakes!" Jay huffed in Sunoo's face, who couldn't do anything but stare in shock as every word the older male uttered felt like a dagger straight to his heart.
"Wha-"
"If you're not going to start pulling your own weight, you shouldn't be here at all. Just quit already." Jay muttered harshly before pushing himself away and heading out of the room.
Sunoo felt like he couldn't breathe, his hands balled into fists of anger by his side but he couldn't even find it in himself to say anything as tears spilled over his eyes against his will. He stood there with his head down as he tried to process everything Jay had said.
Jay. Sunoo's manager and senior colleague. The person who he looked up to and admired so much.
This was the one thing that Sunoo didn't like about Jay: the fact that Jay didn't like him and never would. So with a bitter smile on his lips, Sunoo curled his arms around himself as he sat down on the floor of his bedroom praying that none of the other members would come in.
He had always been weak in front of Jay. With his handsome looks, great personality and thoughtful actions, Jay was such a great person to everyone other than Sunoo. Maybe this was why the universe never liked Sunoo, if he was too cowardly to stand up for himself, how could he expect others to do the same for him?
And falling for someone who was so cruel to him? Sunoo couldn't blame anyone other than himself.
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