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Jiro felt tears forming in his eyes and he hated it. He was upset, angry, frustrated, and just wanted to scream and cry. But he couldn’t, he shouldn’t because it was late into the night and Ichiro and Saburo were asleep, he didn’t want to wake them up.
Not only that… He didn’t want to wake up nii-chan right before his eighteenth birthday. Jiro knew that eighteen was a very important age because it is when you are officially an adult. He didn’t want to ruin Ichiro’s special day with his tears, especially when it was such a stupid reason and he had no one to blame but himself.
When Ichiro was his age he was out doing everything in his power to get money for Jiro and Saburo. He had to do so many dangerous things yet his determination never wavered, yet here Jiro was crying over losing a soccer game.
These thoughts only caused him to cry more. He hated himself for being so pathetic, for being unable to be as strong and brave as his older brother.
He then heard a soft knock on the door. “Hey, Jiro are you awake?” It was Ichiro.
Jiro began to panic, he couldn’t let Ichiro see him like this. “Yes, but I’m okay!” He tried to sound upbeat but his voice wavered.
“Are you sure? Can I come in?”
“No need to please!” He said desperately.
Ichiro only grew more concerned. “Jiro is something wrong? You can always tell me you know? I’m your big brother and I’m always there for you when you need me.”
“I’m fine… really…” Jiro muttered.
“Jiro can I come in, please,” Ichiro’s voice came out in a pleading whisper. He wasn’t able to be there for his brothers in the orphanage, but he would do everything in his power to be there for them now.
Jiro let out a defeated sigh. “Okay…”
Ichiro stepped in and saw his little brother sitting on the bed, his knees to his chest as if he was trying to conserve his body warmth within the blankets. There were traces of tears in his eyes and cheeks.
“Hey,” he took a seat next to him and pat his head. “What happened?”
Jiro looked away. While he was grateful for Ichiro’s comforting touch, he was still embarrassed. He felt like such a baby.
“It’s nothing, it’s stupid,” He said quietly.
Ichiro smiled softly, hoping it was reassuring to Jiro. “Well, it can’t be nothing if it got you this upset.”
“Well… I just don’t want to be upsetting to you right before your birthday with my problems.”
Ichiro didn’t mean to laugh but he couldn’t help but let out a little chuckle. “Jiro, is that why you were afraid to let me enter your room?”
“Yeah… I also don’t really want you to see me cry. People make fun of me when I cry.”
“I would never make fun of you for feeling sad. If you ever feel like this again you can tell me and I will be there for you.” He pat his head again and gave him heartwarming smile. Jiro still sniffled but felt a little better.
He looked at his brother’s eyes. “Thank you nii-chan. I wish I could be a strong adult like you…"
Ichiro looked down, a sad expression taking over his face. “I’m not an adult yet you know? I have also cried over a lot of things.”
“You have?” He questioned. Jiro couldn’t believe it, not when Ichiro has always been so strong and brave.
“I’m only human you know? And a lot has happened in the past few years and it was rough…” Ichiro couldn’t help but let his mind wander to all that had happened in the last few years. As far back as he could remember he had experienced so much hurt. Rei, the orphanage, Kuko, the Dirty Dawg, and Samatoki…
Jiro got up to his knees and wrapped his arms around Ichiro in a hug “Sorry I made you sad nii-chan… I really didn’t mean to make you upset with me too. I’m sorry it’s all my fault.”
“Hey, Jiro it’s okay…” He hugged him back. “I’m fine. There’s no need for you to apologize. As you can see your so-called adult big brother also feels sad sometimes haha.”
“But how do you stay so strong all the time?” Jiro asked. “All these years you were able to protect and take care of Saburo and me no matter what…” Despite the fact that we hated you, Jiro wanted to add but decided against it, not wanting to upset Ichiro more than he already had.
“Because I care about you both more than anything,” He said firmly. “For my family, I didn’t give up. The saying goes ‘You will never find a rainbow if you’re looking down’, if I had ever given up I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I wouldn’t be able to live a happy life with you both. You and Saburo are my strength.”
Jiro stayed silent, unsure how to respond to Ichiro’s words. Now he understood Ichiro’s strength. He didn’t know how to be exactly as strong as him yet, but maybe one day…
“It’s late, you should sleep.” Ichiro smiled. “Want me to stay with you?”
Jiro meekly nodded and snuggled under the covers, no longer upset by the events of today or the guilt of bothering his brother. “Good night nii-chan, thank you for being with m- us, always. Tomorrow we’ll give you the best birthday ever!” Jiro gave Ichiro a small smile to show that he was alright, and Ichiro smiled back.
“Good night, Jiro.”
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The following morning, Ichiro celebrated his birthday with his brothers, who made him breakfast and got him gifts. It was the happiest he had ever been after the Dirty Dawg break-up.