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There is little Okino loves more than things going according to his plans. Even if it takes longer than he expected, he’s willing to be patient for a result. But still, five years is long enough for just about anyone to feel a bit hopeless.
“So you’re asking me how you should get Hijiyama to date you?” Sekigahara asks.
“Yes,” Okino replies without any further explanation.
He had been sitting by himself in the cafeteria before Okino wandered over, leaning on the table and starting whatever this conversation is. The two of them don’t talk very often, but Sekigahara supposes that Okino makes up for the infrequency of their conversations by always having something peculiarly memorable to say. Before he knows it, he’s meant to be giving advice, for some reason.
“Why?” Sekigahara sounds positively incredulous.
“Well, you aren’t exactly the most sociable. You keep to yourself for the most part, but you and Fuyusaka still seem to maintain a loving relationship.”
“What does that have to do with you and Hijiyama?”
Okino sighs, shaking his head as though Sekigahara is missing something obvious.
“You have experience dating under somewhat difficult circumstances and despite your vastly different personalities, so you seem like you’d have some insight to share.”
“Sorry to disappoint, but I don’t know what to tell you.” Sekigahara pauses, frowning in thought. “But if you’re wondering why Hijiyama won’t date you, have you tried asking him?”
“Oh, I know exactly why we aren’t together. Having grown up in Sector 5, he’s still not able to wrap his head around the idea of two men in a romantic relationship,” Okino answers matter-of-factly.
“Still? It’s been five years.” There’s surprise and something like pity in the way Sekigahara’s frown deepens.
“I know that, but any time anyone so much as hints at a relationship between us, he freezes up and starts stammering.” Okino’s face is consciously placid, not letting any of his disappointment show outwardly.
“Hm. Have you considered a subtler approach?” To Okino’s delight, it seems he’s managed to rope Sekigahara into caring about his problem after all.
“With Hijiyama? I think if I were any subtler, he wouldn’t even notice what I’m trying to do.” Okino smirks. “And besides, he likes it when I’m more forceful.”
Sekigahara screws his face up into a scowl.
“I regret saying anything.”
Early morning, two weeks after their return to the simulated world, Hijiyama receives a notification from Okino on their private comms channel. He says that he needs Hijiyama’s help with something, and that Hijiyama should make sure his body is good and warmed up . Hijiyama can’t help but read the message in Okino’s teasingly flirtatious tone. He doesn’t blush, he has received several messages like this one about other projects he’s helped Okino with over the years, but it’s still a near thing. He doesn’t even bother replying, just heads over to the greenhouse to meet him.
“Hijiyama, you got here fast. Excited to see me?” Okino greets him as he steps into the humid air. He can already feel sweat dampening his shirt. The soil is loamy and soft underfoot, with rows of crops stretching out before him.
“What did you need help with?” Hijiyama asks.
“I’m trying out a new irrigation system, and I’d appreciate your help with installing it.” Okino gestures at a mess of hoses, shovels, and gardening gloves piled on the ground.
“So you want me to dig trenches?”
“Exactly.” Okino smiles at him.
Hijiyama glances down at the breezy sundress Okino’s wearing.
“And I’m guessing I’m going to be the only one digging?”
“You got it. So I’ll tell you where to dig, and you can do the dirty work.” Okino turns to look at some kind of mock-up illustration he’s pulled up on a tablet, waiting for Hijiyama to join him. He angles his body to leave room for Hijiyama to see the screen over his shoulder. In the stillness of the greenhouse, it’s a quiet, casual gesture of trust that gives Hijiyama pause. The familiarity of the situation makes a smile tug at his lips, his expression softening.
“Just like old times, huh?”
Okino turns his gaze back to Hijiyama.
“What?”
“Me doing the dirty work while you boss me around.”
“Bringing back old memories?” Okino asks. A mischievous look slides onto his face as he asks, “Is the dress bringing back memories too?”
“I wasn’t kidding when I said I don’t get flustered about that anymore,” Hijiyama grumbles. “And besides, you’re not even wearing the wig. You just look like you.”
Quickly, before Hijiyama even knows what’s happening, Okino’s hand whips out to wrap around Hijiyama’s wrist, tugging him close as he presses fingers into his skin.
“But your heart’s racing anyway. Interesting,” Okino chirps.
“What are you-!?” Hijiyama stiffens in Okino’s grasp. He can feel his jaw clenching.
“Sometimes I miss having easy access to your biometric data. It was always fun being able to see your thoughts.” A puff of laughter drifts from between his lips. He’s close enough that Hijiyama can feel it on his skin. “Not that it’s hard for me to tell what you’re thinking.”
Okino gives Hijiyama’s wrist a quick squeeze before dropping it. Hijiyama feels himself deflate a bit.
“You’d better get digging. I’m planning to work you hard today.” The obvious flirtation seems less like an attempt to get a rise out of Hijiyama and more like second nature, as Okino immediately turns his attention back to his plans. Not even really trying to rile him, just acting how he always does. Hijiyama just can’t make sense of it. Or, rather, he wants to make sense of it, but the idea of facing the pit of nerves that tightens in his stomach every time he thinks too deeply about Okino stops him without fail.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m on it,” he answers, grabbing one of the shovels.
They don’t talk much for the rest of the morning, only Okino’s voice guiding Hijiyama’s hands. And dammit if it isn’t too easy for Hijiyama to slip into it, their peaceful, domestic partnership. Shit , he thinks to himself, I can’t keep pretending this isn’t real, can I . He's been treading water this whole time, but he's beginning to feel himself slip peacefully beneath the surface. It's not nearly as bad a sensation as he would have expected.
He can feel Okino’s gaze prickling on his back as he works. At least the greenhouse is warm enough to conceal why he’s sweating.
Hijiyama doesn’t visit the simulated Sector 4 the most often out of their little group (if he had to guess, he’d say that would be Fuyusaka checking up on Sawatari), but he’s also willing to admit that he’s something of a frequent visitor. Not enough that he’s slacking on his work in the real world, of course, but wandering through the dusty halls of the old school building comes the closest to recapturing a sense of his old home that he can get. In the rapidly changing whirlwind of activity that is the colony, it's reassuring to know that there's a place that will always be the same. Today, he knows he’s not the only one indulging in that particular nostalgia as he spots Miura gazing into one of the classrooms.
“Keitaro! It’s good to see you. I know I’m a bit late, but congratulations on your engagement.” Hijiyama’s voice echoes against all of the wooden surfaces. He waves as he heads straight over to Miura's side.
“Ah, thank you, Takatoshi.” Miura smiles, warm in the glow of the afternoon light filtering through the windows. “And don’t worry, we’ve all been so busy lately, I feel like I’ve hardly had a moment to rest and speak to anyone since we first announced it.”
“Ah, I see. I hope you and Minami aren’t overworking yourselves with wedding planning.” Hijiyama has always felt a kind of fraternal affection for Miura, so it only feels natural to look out for him.
“Of course not. We’re just trying to move as quickly as we can. Natsuno says she can’t wait to start a family,” Miura says sheepishly. He tips his hat down in an obvious attempt to hide his blush.
Hijiyama offers a smile in return. He claps a hand on Miura’s shoulder. “I wish you two nothing but the best.”
“Thank you, Takatoshi. But enough about me, how have you been?”
“Oh, you know, there’s always work to be done. It’s tiring, but it’s always satisfying to work towards something important.” Hijiyama shifts his weight, rolls his shoulders out. “I’m still a bit sore from all the heavy lifting Okino’s been having me do.”
“And how is Okino doing? You two are…” Miura lets his words trail off, looking expectantly at Hijiyama.
“No, we’re not- it’s not like that,” Hijiyama sputters.
“Oh, my apologies!” Miura’s eyebrows fly up beneath the brim of his hat in surprise. “I was under the impression that you two were together.”
“Yeah, you’re not the first to make that mistake. I don’t really understand why everyone seems to get that impression.” Hijiyama frowns, his brows knit. He’d thought it had been bad that Tamao had mistaken him and Okino for a couple, but now Miura too? If even his close friend is talking about this now, Hijiyama may have to take the matter more seriously.
“Really? As peculiar as Okino seemed at first, I’ve always thought the two of you complement each other well.”
It’s something about Miura’s earnest sincerity that compels Hijiyama to try to answer, rather than shut this conversation down as he usually would.
“Sure, but he’s just… Okino.” He shifts, awkwardly looking anywhere but at Miura. He knows it’s not really an answer, but he can’t bring himself to be any more direct. To say it outright would be to reveal himself.
Miura pauses, looks at Hijiyama.
“I see. I imagine he’s not the type of person you thought about dating when you were younger.” In response to Miura’s statement, Hijiyama experiences the odd sensation of his chest feeling like it is both tightening and relaxing in the same moment.
“Yes, that’s true.” He pauses. “Before all of this, I expected I would’ve had a wife by now.”
“I can understand that somewhat. I never expected to fall in love with a girl as energetic and outspoken as Natsuno, but I’m so happy when I’m with her that I can’t even question it.” At the mention of his fiancée, Miura’s face softens with affection. Hijiyama can’t stop himself from noticing how similar his expression is to some he’s seen on Okino’s face when the two of them spend time together. He then has to make a conscious effort to think about anything but that before he starts blushing.
“You have always had an easier time adapting to some of the more… new-fangled norms our friends grew up with.” Hijiyama nods stiffly, trying to rein himself in.
Miura nods. “It can be a bit of a shift, getting used to some of it, but I like to think I can accept those newer concepts while staying true to my personal values.”
Hijiyama blinks, thinking for a moment.
“Yeah, I don’t think that’s… something I’m good at.”
A laugh manages to burst out of Miura before he stifles it, raising a palm to cover his mouth.
“Sorry, I don’t mean to laugh at you! I’m just surprised, is all. You usually don’t allow people to see you so vulnerable.” Hijiyama does everything in his power to keep his expression neutral in the hope that he doesn’t look offended. He has to carefully think through his words before replying.
“Normally, I wouldn’t be happy to be showing such weakness, but I consider you to be the closest friend I have, so I suppose it’s alright.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Takatoshi.” Miura’s smile returns in full force.
Another week passes, this evening finding Okino and Hijiyama sitting together in Okino’s apartment, the sun having long since dipped beneath the horizon. Okino is explaining to Hijiyama the specs of another new project he hopes will improve the colony’s functions, something to do with some AI… thing. Hijiyama is certain that he’ll forget at least half of it as soon as Okino stops talking, but he can’t deny how nice it feels to have Okino talking to him like an equal, so he keeps nodding along and asking the occasional clarification question.
“So, does that all make sense?” Okino asks, “because I’d like to send the proposal to Shinonome as soon as possible.” As he talks, he rises from the couch he’d been sharing with Hijiyama, who’s slouching into the cushions as he listens. Okino crosses the small living space to the kitchenette and pours himself a glass of water before turning back to Hijiyama, leaning against the counter. The apartment is small, but Hijiyama finds himself here damn near every night. Nowadays, he typically only uses his own apartment as a place to sleep and store his stuff. Hell, half the time, he stays at Okino’s so late he ends up sleeping on the couch.
He thinks over what he’s been told again, absently cracking his knuckles. “There’s nothing wrong with it as far as I can tell.”
“Alright, sounds good.” Okino sighs, takes a sip of water. “So, did you hear that Takamiya’s pregnant again?”
“She is? Wow, that’s- she and Amiguchi move fast.” Hijiyama stumbles over his words at the sudden shift in topic.
“Well, it doesn’t come as too much of a surprise. Their relationship mostly consists of blowup arguments followed by make-up sex,” Okino replies, his tone wry.
Hijiyama cringes at the crude wording. He’s not a fan of where this conversation is heading.
“That can’t really be all they do.”
Okino barks out a short, rueful laugh.
“Trust me, I live in the apartment right next to theirs. Even if the rooms are decently soundproofed, the two of them have a bad habit of leaving their windows open.” He takes another sip of his water before setting the glass on the counter, letting that unpleasant thought linger before moving on. “It feels like only a matter of time before all the other happy couples start becoming parents. Pretty odd, if you ask me.”
“I suppose so.” Hijiyama’s sitting up straight now, spine stiff, visibly uncomfortable. Naturally, this means that Okino has to prod at him.
“What, are you jealous? I guess I could see you having that dependable, fatherly charm. Would you want me to be your blushing bride?” Okino bats his eyelashes at Hijiyama as he asks.
“Wha-Okino, don’t mess with me!” He still gets easily riled up at Okino’s goading, even after years of enduring it, but in this moment, his frustration has a dark edge to it that he can’t quite identify or control.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t say that.” Okino punctuates his statement with a pointed sigh. “I know, your problem is that I can’t just change my body like in the simulation.”
“The problem isn’t that I want you to change, you should know that!” Hijiyama’s boiling frustration sends him crashing forward, fisting a hand in Okino’s shirt before he stops himself. He has to consciously relax his fingers, releasing the fabric and letting it drop back to Okino’s body.
Okino takes half a step back, not sure how to respond. His thoughts rush into overdrive, but he has no idea what he said that crossed a line. Hijiyama takes a deep breath before speaking.
“My problem is that I don’t know how I should act because I care about you too much, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” His words are clipped, trying to hold back the overwhelming emotions that threaten to spill out if his strict control fails. His head tips forward, his eyes fixed on the floor between himself and Okino. If he were to look at Okino, he’d lose the will to say anything at all.
Okino’s face tightens, his shocked expression sinking into a frown. “Have you been trying to… stop liking me?”
“Ugh, when you put it like that, you make me sound like a complete ass,” Hijiyama grumbles. “Yes, I care about you. I, uh, like you. A great deal.” He hesitates, but recovers quickly. “But why? What’s the point?”
Okino shakes his head. “The point? I don’t understand, why would there need to be a point?”
“It’s like you said earlier, all of our friends are getting married, they’re having children, but what am I supposed to do?” His fist clenches and relaxes as he speaks, clenches again, nails digging into the rough skin of his palms. “I’m supposed to do the same thing, but we can’t… do that.” He sighs. “It feels like I’m failing, somehow.”
“Oh, I… I never thought of it that way before.” Okino is finally able to meet Hijiyama’s gaze, who finally looks up from the floor. His inner turmoil is written all over his face, always so transparent with his feelings.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you would. You’ve always been okay with not behaving properly, but I can’t just give up my duty like that.” Hijiyama can feel his breaths coming quicker as he keeps going. He’s still boxing Okino in against the counter, and they’re probably close enough that Okino can feel his breaths.
“Hold on, where did you get the idea that having children is your duty?” Okino squints up at him in confusion.
“Of course it’s our duty! The point of Project Ark is repopulating the human race and reproducing human culture, and I don’t want to cast aside that goal so carelessly. But I…” he trails off, eyes glued to the floor again.
“But you can’t do it because you’re stuck with your feelings for me,” Okino finishes.
“Yes,” Hijiyama chokes out.
“Hm.”
Hijiyama can’t tell anything about what Okino’s thinking or feeling, his face revealing nothing when Hijiyama flicks his eyes up to quickly look.
“Well, this isn’t exactly how I hoped you would confess to me,” Okino deadpans. Hijiyama scowls at him, clearly not finding any humor in it. “In any case, I think I understand where you’re coming from. From the very start, the new world has been structured to support a very specific model of reproduction. I get how you’d feel trapped in that structure, but it’s not like that’s the only possibility for how we can live.”
“Even if we could live a different way, would it really be the right thing to do?” Hijiyama asks, miserable desperation coloring his voice.
“Let me put it this way. We are humanity, just the 15 of us. We’re free to determine what humanity’s future should look like for ourselves. Do you think any of us want you to tear yourself apart like this?”
“No, of course not. But what about the wishes of the people who put us here? Do they not matter?”
“Honestly, I don’t have the answer you’re looking for. What I do know is that I would much rather you prioritize the feelings of the real people around you than some imagined disapproval from people who no longer exist.”
“And how am I supposed to do that?”
“You could start by kissing me.”
“Seriously, Okino? Now is not the time for you to be messing around,” Hijiyama hisses. He had thought that Okino had been taking his concerns seriously, and it stings to hear him talk so flippantly again.
“Yes, it would be incredibly insensitive for me to make fun of you right now, which is why I’m being completely serious. I’ve been waiting all this time for you to talk to me about all of this, and I’m tired of being patient. Please, trust me.”
Again, Okino’s face is completely unreadable to Hijiyama, not for any blankness, but for the outpouring of some emotion that Hijiyama couldn’t put a name to if his life depended on it. But there’s an intensity in his eyes that pulls Hijiyama towards him as surely as gravity’s pull.
“You’re so frustrating ,” he mumbles before pressing their lips together.
It’s not a particularly elegant kiss, Hijiyama is much too frantic for that. Nevertheless, feeling Okino’s soft lips against his own leaves Hijiyama breathless, desperately trying to keep himself from bursting apart at the seams. Part of him had always been hoping that this would feel wrong, and all of his fears would be proven horrifyingly correct. But whatever part of him was expecting that is crushed under the dawning realization that he feels like holding Okino like this was what his body had always been created to do.
Okino, meanwhile, is certain that Hijiyama must be able to feel him grinning against his mouth. His years of waiting patiently, finally culminating in a success just as sweet as he had always imagined. For what feels like the first time, he’s certain that the two of them are completely understanding each other.
All of this, of course, does nothing to temper their frantic energy. But the lack of finesse can’t hide the answer to Hijiyama’s question: how is he supposed to build a life? Just like this, by pulling the one he loves close, and figuring the rest out later.
But there’s only so much thinking the two of them can do. By the time Okino’s swiping his tongue across the seam of Hijiyama’s mouth, neither of them are able to put together coherent thoughts anymore. There’s only the pressure and heat of the other’s body, the sounds of their mouths moving together, loud in the silence of the apartment.
There is one other sound, which is Hijiyama, who is desperately trying to keep quiet, but is failing miserably. He lets out a gasp when Okino tilts his head, changing the angle to deepen the kiss. He can’t stop a full-throated moan from slipping out when Okino coaxes his mouth open and slides his own tongue against Hijiyama’s. The sounds of his obvious enjoyment are enough to make Okino lightheaded, so he twists his fingers in Hijiyama’s hair to ground himself.
Practically shivering from the excess of sensation, Hijiyama gently pulls away, only far enough so he can look at Okino’s face. Okino looks up at him through his long eyelashes, his gray eyes bright.
“Have you made up your mind?” Okino asks. His fingers are still carding through the hair at the nape of Hijiyama’s neck.
“Huh?”
“About what you’re going to do with your feelings for me.”
“Isn’t that obvious by now?” Hijiyama lets his head fall forward, pressing his forehead into the warmth of Okino’s shoulder.
“I don’t know, maybe I’d like to hear you say it.” Hearing Okino’s voice so close to his ear sends shivers through him, and he whines softly.
“Fine. I want to... be with you, Okino. I’d like to date you, or whatever it is you have in mind. But please, it’s late now, could we go to bed?” He’s practically pleading, not a drop of shame or hesitation in his voice. He's far too emotionally exhausted for it.
“Does this mean you’ll sleep in my bed now?”
“If you’ll have me, yes.”
Things move quickly from there. To Okino, it feels like playing catch-up for all the time both of them had spent frustrated and unsatisfied, so it seems normal for Hijiyama to be moving in with him a week after their first kiss. Then, it’s no time at all before the others start to talk.
To Okino’s immense surprise, it’s Sekigahara who approaches him first this time, weaving through tables in the cafeteria to sit across from Okino.
“I hear there’s been some developments with you and Hijiyama. Congrats,” Sekigahara says, gently tapping his knuckles against the table.
“Yeah, you heard right. I can’t say your advice was any help, but everything worked out in the end, so I can’t complain,” Okino says.
Sekigahara rolls his eyes. “You make it so hard for me to be happy for you.”
“Regardless, I appreciate the sentiment.” The corners of Okino's eyes crinkle with mirth. “Now that we’re officially together, it does mean that I have to stop flirting with other men, yourself included. I wouldn’t want to make my boyfriend upset.” He clearly relishes the opportunity to call Hijiyama his boyfriend.
“Yeah, right. Like you’re not gonna keep doing it to rile him up. At least now he won’t have to mope around and stew in his pent-up confusion afterwards.”
Okino smiles, pleased that Sekigahara is playing along. “Maybe you’re right, but don’t tell Takatoshi that.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
Out of the corner of his eye, Okino catches a glimpse of Hijiyama wandering into the cafeteria. Sekigahara must have followed his line of sight, and he moves to get up.
“You don’t have to leave just because he’s here,” Okino offers, though it sounds unconvincing even to his own ears.
“Just because I’m happy for you doesn’t mean I want to watch whatever display you’d put on. I’ll see you later.” He nods in greeting as he passes Hijiyama, who takes the newly vacated seat.
“What’s up with Sekigahara?” Hijiyama asks as he settles in.
“Just came to congratulate me on our relationship,” Okino answers, reaching over and tucking a strand of hair behind Hijiyama’s ear.
Hijiyama sighs. “So everyone’s already gossipping about us, huh?”
“Don’t worry, most of it is about how cute we are together. Though I did hear Kisaragi and Fuyusaka whispering about what they think our sexual habits are like.”
“I- they what!?” Hijiyama splutters.
“Just kidding.”
Okino slides a hand palm-up across the table, a peace offering of sorts. Even as flustered as he is, Hijiyama still takes it.