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There’s one day John remembers vividly. Quite an unremarkable day, really. He can see himself, sitting in the living room, on his chair; a warm cup of tea by his side, the morning paper on his lap.
“Some people long for a life that is simple and planned,
tied with a ribbon…”
He pictures himself, yawning drowsily as he watches the morning light coming through the windows.
“Some people won’t sail the sea ‘cause they’re safer on land,
to follow what’s written…”
Then, like it was yesterday, he remembers turning his head to see the absolute mess of photographs and papers Sherlock was throwing in the air at the other side of the room, searching for something.
And, just like he does now at the memory, he couldn’t help but smile.
“But I’d follow you
to the great unknown…”
Eventually, Sherlock seemed to finally find what he had been looking for. He immediately rushed out the door without a word, confident that John would follow.
And, of course, he did.
“Off to a world we call
our own…”
And just like any other day, John ran after him. He risked and fought. He lived … Always with Sherlock by his side.
“Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go…
We’re walking the tightrope.”
It didn’t matter how dangerous or crazy it all might seem. He simply focused on the feeling. His heart racing, his body light. Everything seemed possible.
“High in the sky we can see the whole world down below…
We’re walking the tightrope.”
Even in the moments when he found himself afraid. When he contemplated the price this life could cost them.
“Never sure, never know how far we could fall…”
He knew it was all worth it. Every second of it. And honestly, that was what made it so exciting, wasn’t it?
“But it’s all an adventure that comes with a breathtaking view…”
He knew he wouldn’t want any other life. He wouldn’t want anything else than what they had…
“Walking the tightrope…
With you…”
It had been such an unthinkable thing once. The fact that he could be so content. That he could feel so free. With so many possibilities in front of him.
“Mountains and valleys,
and all that will come in between.
Desert and ocean.”
All his life had felt as if he was following a script, doing what he was supposed to do. No room for anything else. And if he kept on going, no questions, his head fixed on the path before him, he wouldn’t have to think about why he felt so empty.
And then… well, he met Sherlock.
“You pulled me in and together we’re lost in a dream,
always in motion.”
And he saved him. He really did. Suddenly fighting for a new life felt worth it.
“So I risk it all just to be with you.”
And letting go of the things he was so afraid of leaving behind felt like such an easy choice. Because, for the first time, it didn’t seem like he’d be alone if he did.
“And I risk it all
for this life we choose…”
Now, standing on the freshly cut grass, feeling the cold breeze as it passes through the trees, he can’t help but feel a bit betrayed.
“Hand in my hand and you promised to never let go…
We’re walking the tightrope…”
He feels as if the ground has opened under his feet, this unshakable feeling of instability following him wherever he goes.
“High in the sky, we can see the whole world down below…
We’re walking the tightrope…”
He knew the risk, he knew what he was in for…
“Never sure, will you catch me
if I should fall…?”
He feels his breath caught in his throat.
He has no right to feel betrayed, he knows. He tries to shake the guilt away, even though he’s certain it will never be totally gone.
“Well…” he sighs heavily, his voice a bit broken. “It was all an adventure that came with a breathtaking view, wasn’t it…?” He forces out a tired smile, staring at the grave before him. “Walking the tightrope…” he takes a shaky breath before whispering, “with you.”
He steps closer, putting a trembling hand over the gravestone.
“Thank you, Sherlock…” he says as he fights the tears, his jaw tense. “For everything.” He sniffs slightly, looking away, trying his best to compose himself. “For more than I could ever say.” He clears his throat and starts to walk away.
He feels his life falling apart, his worst fears right in front of him. He finds himself alone, once again. And yet, he believes he would do it all again.
It was all worth it.
All of it.