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Mineta was a great many things. He was a troublemaker and pervert, a student and a hero in training. He had been many things in his short life, and very few of them were good.
Most of all though, Mineta was completely and utterly stupid .
Despite his grades, his knowledge of battle tactics and heroes, he was a complete idiot.
There was no explanation for why else he would destroy the one good thing he had, and why he hadn’t even realized he had it in the first place.
With a scream of some ugly emotion he didn’t want to name, the teenager threw the closest item at the wall with everything he had, watching a (thankfully) cheap figurine shatter against the plaster.
He wanted to throw more, to let loose and have a good old fashioned tantrum, but the wind had gone out of his sails. The boy slumped in on himself, pressing his palms against his eyes hard enough to see stars, willing himself not to cry. Heroes didn’t cry, not for this, not for something so-
So-
He left out a small sob, lip quivering. He had never been good at not crying. His classmates used to make fun of him for it, but there was a running joke that you always knew how Mineta was feeling. He was a creep and he was stupid, but he could never be accused of hiding his emotions. With Mineta, what you saw is what you got.
Minoru was happiest when people weren’t looking at him, couldn’t pick apart every little move of his to explain his well documented issues. He hated the court of public opinion, it never treated him well.
He may have been the underground porn dealer of his middle school, but he still got his fair share of the human rights violations bullies liked to deal out.
The rage was gone and now he was just sad. He crawled under his covers, shutting the world out and doing his best to figure out how it all went wrong.
-
Mineta had never had friends before, and it was completely his fault. He wasn’t an easy person to get along with, and not many people wanted to deal with the hypersexual weeaboo to reach the actual redeeming qualities of his.
But then, with a bright smile and eyes promising mischief, Kaminari asked him to hang out after school.
And suddenly Mineta had a friend!
Kaminari could understand and relate to his impassioned rants about about how fucking beautiful women were. He had watched the same anime and always wanted to hear about the newest one Minoru had dug up, always wanted to watch them with him and didn’t scold him for his chattering.
And he could watch Kaminari play video games and help him through his work without being ‘a condescending dickwad’, They balanced eachother out, and in a way, Denki had kept him from getting bored enough to cause real trouble.
(His principal had once called him a ‘tiny gremlin’ and had told Mineta at his graduation that, should he ever procreate, his spawn wouldn’t be allowed within ten feet of his school. Mineta thought he was being a bit dramatic, you try and make popcorn on a Bunsen burner one time and suddenly you’re a public menace!)
(Okay maybe it was two times, but science was about adjusting the results and trying again! He was sure he could have perfected it if it he hadn’t been banned from the lab.)
The part he couldn’t understand was when something changed. It had to have changed, but he couldn’t think of a single incident that really stuck out in his mind.
Sure, he had snuck into Denki’s room to spend the night after they first moved in, but Denki had trouble sleeping alone after sharing a room with his siblings all his life and all they did was watch movies.
And yeah, they cuddled, but it was mutual bro cuddling. Girls practically married their best friends, why can’t a guy lean into his friend's side sometimes? Fuckin double standard.
Denki never said anything about it, so Mineta was content with the free affection. Denki was always warm, and touching his bare skin when he was excited made your fingers tingle.
He had never thought once about how other people looked at them, not until Mina said something that shattered his perception.
He had been sitting beside the track and drawing the runners, focusing hard on getting the perfect look of motion and bounce as the girl’s track team ran laps.
“Huh, that’s both creepy and impressive.”
Minoru jumped, clutching his sketchbook to his chest and pointing his graphite stained finger at her.
“If you get this confiscated I will light your bed on fire.”
Mina looked slightly unsettled, but still sat down next to him. Normally he’d be having a panic attack because a girl, a actual girl who was very pretty and not at all terrifying, was sitting that close to him. He still was, but he was more focused on suspiciously reopening the sketchbook and returning to trying to capture the beauty of the female form.
“I’ll probably regret this, but have you drawn me?” Mina chirped, leaning over and looking at the rough sketch that looked like a mess of scribbles that he’d eventually be able to turn into human bodies.
“Is this a plot? Are you going to use this against me in a court of law?” He narrowed his eyes, he was on to her. He should plead Article 11 -or was it Article 38? He hadn’t actually paid much attention to the constitution.
Mina raised her perfect little eyebrows in judgement. “No?”
Mineta studied her for a minute before giving in. Maybe she’d praise him, he loved praise. Besides, this was his safe for school sketchbook, the one that might get him expelled never left his room.
“Fine, but I’ve got my eye on you.”
He tried futilely to rub the graphite off onhis pants before starting to flip through. He tended to draw on a small scale, so one page could have five different drawings on it, which made finding specific ones difficult.
He made a noise of triumph, finding a page that he’d worked on in class a few days ago.
There was a drawing of Mina there, with headphones in and a pen dangling from her lips. She had been lost in thought that day, effortlessly beautiful in a way he just had to capture.
“Oh wow.” Mina leaned close enough to make him sweat, looking close at her image. He had tried experimenting with watercolors to get her perfect pink hue, but she was definitely a little too light now that he compared the two. “That’s actually really good what the fuck.”
Mineta wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or offended, so he just settled for blankly staring and trying not to get antsy.
Mina picked up his sketchbook, missing the squeak of panic as she looked at the other drawings.
There was Iida, in the middle of a lecture with a face of pure seriousness as his hand was raised to chop the air.
And Momo, yawning with bed head and rubbing her eyes with a closed fist. She had looked so beautiful that morning.
And Koda with a bird resting on his finger, a smile on his face and love in his eyes. The emotion wasn’t quite perfect, but it was adequate.
And lastly the one he had spent the most time on. Denki, holding his switch above him and face a picture of pure joy as he’d paid off his debt in Animal Crossing. His hair was in his eyes and his BabyMetal tank top hanging off his shoulder. Mineta had used coloured pencils for that one, and had inked it using coloured ink pens instead of his usual black ones, it fit Kami to have more colour.
“You’ve been a lot less..you since getting with Denki, so props.” She smiled, looking at the details of the drawing he’d painstakingly put hours into.
That confused him a bit. “We blew up a toilet last week.” And he’d gotten temporarily banned from shop class, but that's Sero's fault.
Mina let out a startled bark of laughter , looking absolutely elated. “That was you!? They totally blamed Bakugo.” Mineta knew that and happily let him take the fall while praying he never found out the truth. In his defense, Denki bet him five bucks he wouldn’t put a firecracker in the toilet, and how were they supposed to know that water didn’t actually muffle the explosion?
“But no, I meant the creepy stuff. I’m sure you’re still a weirdo but you and Denki are adorable, so I’m less inclined to, like, throw you in a garbage can.” She flipped the page, humming appreciatively at the drawing of Shoji working out.
Mineta paused, mouth opening and closing uselessly as he tried to respond.
“I- we- what?” It was a squeak, high pitched and a bit hysterical. “No, I mean- We aren’t- I’m not-“
Mina looked at him for a long, agonizing moment.
“Dude. I’ve seen you eat of his fork.”
“So!”
“And sit on his lap-“
“It’s comfortable!”
“And there was that time he was super upset about not being an Insta baddie and you pat his head and told him ‘you’ll always be my Insta baddie’, and I’ve heard you call him ‘sexy Pikachu like fourteen separate times.” Her tone wasn’t quite condescending, but it was close enough.
“That- You! I was comforting him!” His face was growing hotter, eyes wide with panic.
“Dude, like everyone already knows you two are a thing.”
What.
Mineta was frozen, mind reeling and pulse thundering in his ears. They thought what? Why would they-
“You are the light of my life.” Minoru pat his friends head before making grabby hands at the boba held outside of his reach.
“What do you say?” Denki had a cheeky grin, arm slung around his shoulders. Mineta glared flatly, trying and failing to reach the cup of happiness.
“I will burn your porn collection.”
“You wouldn’t dare!” Denki leaned closer with a calculated stare, weighing the risk. “Would you?”
Mineta quirked an eyebrow at him before sighing and saying in a defeated tone. “Fine. You are the baddest bitch, on God.”
Denki cheered, giving him his boba and patting his head balls affectionately. “Good Boy.”
“Go choke on a dick.”
Denki grinned his grin of mischief and torment, wiggling his eyebrows with enviable muscle control. “That an offer grape boy?”
Mineta calmly took out his boba straw, looking Denki in the eye, and shot a tapioca ball with deadly precision, hitting him square in the forehead. He also sprayed flecks of tea fucking everywhere, but war had casualties.
Their class had watched the interaction in silent confusion as Denki convinced Minoru to let him try and catch the fired tapioca balls in his mouth.
“Okay but-“
Mineta stretched out in his beanbag, looking around the library. He was bored and Denki was late, leaving him to read their insanely boring assigned reading. It was some American book about having expectations or something.
“Boo.”
Minoru jumped, throwing his elbow back in pure reflex, and felt it connect with a very familiar yelp.
“Denki, you asshole! I told you to stop doing that!” He whisper yelled at his best friend, who was cupping his nose with both hands.
“But Noruuu-“ He whined, flopping onto the purple bean bag that nobody else dared to touch.
“Deserved.” Minoru focused back in his book, pointedly ignoring the blonde’s whining.
“Kiss it better?” Denki’s face was right by his, lip stuck out in a pout with his reddening nose. Mineta did feel a little bad, but he wouldn’t admit that.
Mineta thought for a minute before picking up the second copy of the assigned reading, placing a gentle kiss on the, probably germ covered, cover, and shoving the book into Denki’s chest.
“That’s all you get. Now shut up and read.”
Denki held the book to his chest, a faux dreamy look on his face. “I shall treasure it forever.”
Shinsou, who had been sitting several feet away and pointedly ignoring Mineta for the last half hour, leveled them with the most disgusted and experated look from his yellow bean bag.
“You two disgust me.”
The boys just looked at each other before making kissy faces at Shinsou until he threw his book down and stormed out, leaving them to laugh until the librarian threatened them.
“Okay maybe-“
“What do you want to do when you finish school, like, aside from the whole hero thing?” Denki was laying on his floor, staring at his ceiling with a look of blank wonder.
“What? Are- are you high?” Minoru hastily shut the door behind him and crouched beside the blonde, waving a hand in front of his face. He looked down at the boys shirt, face twisted in confusion. “Is that a hello kitty shirt?”
“Found it in the laundry room.” Kaminari blinked slowly, looking like he was struggling to focus on Minoru’s face.
“So you stole it?”
Denki grumbled something about ‘squatters rights’ before reaching toward Minoru and pulling him down to the ground with him.
The next few minutes passed in silence as Minoru let his totally baked friend pet him.
“And to answer your question-
“What question?”
“-I hate you. After school I want to try and take some art classes, I figure my art might actually sell when I’m a pro hero.”
Denki made a soft noise, throwing his arm out in a gesture that somehow startled him more than Mineta. “Have I ever told you that your art is sooo pretty?” He sounded so giddy, turning his head to look at Mineta with a dopey grin. “S’cause you’re pretty.”
He pat Minoru’s face, occasionally missing and petting the floor. “So perty.”
“I will kill you.”
“Shhh, tiny pretty art boy.”
“They will never find your body.”
Denki just smiled at him, looking unfairly beautiful with his hair splayed out against the rug and his face flushed, pupils blown wide.
“You care about me.” He whispered loudly, teasing as he continued to stroke the other boy’s face.
Mineta rolled his eyes hard, trying to bite back the feral little insults he usually responded with.
“Yeah.”
“Yaaay!” Denki tried to raised his arms in celebration, only to become confused when the arm pinned under Mineta didn’t move.
He proceeded to talk about the weirdest shit, comparing Mineta to a boob at least twice in a way that was either flattering or insulting (he hadn’t decided yet) and making a teir list of superhero asses before Mineta fell asleep. (They had unanimously decided All Might was #1)
It was only because he was tired, and had nothing to do with how comfortable and warm his friend was.
Oh.
Oh.
Mina watched Mineta’s face twist into dawning horror, the boy clutching his hair(?) in panic.
“Oh my god. Oh my god . Am I dating Denki? Does he think we’re dating? Are we dating? I’m not- I-” The teenager abruptly snatched his sketchbook and shoved it into his bag with far less care than he usual and bolted.
Mina watched him go with a pinched look on her face.
“Oops.”
—
Mineta was pacing like a caged animal when Denki finally arrived, squeezing one of his orbs with vigor.
“I got your text, what-“
“Are we dating? Is- Everyone thinks we’re dating. Apparently. Are we?” Mineta looked frustrated and lost, eyes bright and feverish.
Kaminari was at a loss for words, trying to figure out what was the correct answer.
“Uh, I mean, kinda? What do you define as dating?”
“I don’t know!” Mineta snapped, throwing his projectile with fury at the target they’d hung. It hit the bullseye, of course, but it wasn’t the most comforting action at the moment. “Google it!”
Denki pulled out his phone and typed into google, reading it over silently. There was an article called ‘5 Ways To Tell Once And For All’ that he skimmed over. Kaminari didn’t think that the use of the number 5 in that sentence was proper grammar, he’d need to ask Mr. Yamada.
Oh yeah, crisis.
“Yeah I think we’re dating.”
“ Oh my god .” Mineta screamed into his pillow. He’d managed to get into his first relationship and didn't even realize it, and it was with a guy!
“Is it a bad thing?” Denki asked quietly, suddenly feeling very small.
Minoru just screamed wordlessly again into the fabric of his pillow before blindly pointing at the door.
“Out!”
Denki sparked, hands tightening into fists.
“No! You can’t just kick me out, we need to talk about this!” He wasn’t used to being responsible, but someone had to be!
Mineta lifted his head from the pillow, wearing that scary look that made Denki wonder if he was a villian in a past life.
“Get out or I tell the girls you’re the one who keeps stealing their clothes from the laundry room.” Mineta had been banned from that room for months, nobody even suspected Denki.
Denki gasped, looking at his maybe, maybe-not boyfriend with betrayal.
“You wouldn’t.”
Mineta narrowed his eyes.
He wouldn’t, but Denki didn’t need to know that.
“Well fine! I didn’t want to be your boyfriend anyway!” Denki stormed toward the door, ignoring Mineta’s flinch.
“Fine!” The purple hair boy screamed after him, throwing a pillow.
“FINE!” Denki slammed the door, the pillow hitting the other side with a fwomp.
A few students watched with wide eyes as Denki shoved past them, giving them all a static shock.
“Mina, what did you do ?” Jirou asked in horror as the pink girl whined, hiding her face.
“I think I just broke them up, oh god, we’re doomed.” While Mineta would never be a normal person, he was best behaved when he had Denki to focus on. The first week before they became friends was a constant reminder to tread lightly.
“Oui, we are, as you say, fucked.”
-
Mineta held out for two days.
Two miserable days.
Did he even want to try and be friends again? Would it ever even be possible now that he realized that he’d totally been dating his best friend?
It fucking sucked because he totally wanted to kiss Denki in his stupid derpy face! Oh god, he was doomed.
His room was a mess from his earlier tantrum, but the rage just left him feeling empty and sad. He just wanted to hide under his covers and never leave, never have to face the consequences.
The class was giving Mina the cold shoulder as ‘shame for her sins’, which made Mineta a tiny bit happy, but he still hid a dead crab in her room for good measure. He blamed her completely.
He logically shouldn’t, since he’d have realized eventually that he was totally falling in love with his stupidly handsome best friend that he totally hated now and didn’t want to beg for attention from.
But she was an easy scapegoat.
It wasn’t Denki’s fault. He knew Denki was bi, he couldn’t blame the other boy for getting confused because Mineta was an idiot.
Could he still have a harem if he loved a boy?
Nevermind, forget the harem- would Denki ever even want to speak to him again? He’d been a complete and utter asshole! He wasn’t completely sorry either, so that didn’t help.
He just wanted to curl up in Denki’s bed again, to talk about how some Pokémon were sexy or how the government controlled the masses through subliminal messaging. Normal stuff.
Surely it would fade if he distanced himself, but… did he really want that?
He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t! Denki was just-
He was special.
Mineta tried to choke down another pitiful sob.
Oh god, he’d really fucked everything up.
-
Mineta was a coward. He didn’t run into danger and he certainly didn’t willingly have a confrontation with anyone.
Yet here he was, absolutely shaking, knocking on Kaminari’s door.
He felt very small as Kaminari wrenched open the door.
“Mina I- oh.” His furious scolding fell flat, leaving him looking tired. “What do you want.”
Mineta tried not to flinch. He deserved this, to be treated like this.
“Can I please come in?” He asked weakly,
Denki looked at him for a long, pensive moment before opening the door wide enough for Mineta to squeeze in.
He stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, definitely having a minor panic attack but pushing through.
“Denki, I..I don’t know what to say, but-“
“Sorry is a good start.” The taller boy looked down at him, arms folded against his chest.
“I am sorry!” Minoru yelled, trying, and failing, to contain his emotion. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry I kicked you out, I’m sorry I made you date me! I’m sorry I’m an asshole!” He felt pathetic as he started to cry, trying to talk through little hitching sobs. Denki’s look of anger faded a bit.
“You didn’t make me do anything dude, that’s not how a relationship works. It takes two to make an omelette, or something.” He waved his hand like he was wafting the air.
“Oh my god you are so fucking stupid.” Mineta sobbed into his hands.
“Hey!” Denki looked offended, hunching his shoulders. “You know I can’t do analograms.”
They could work this out. They had to, he had to fix this.
“I love you.”
He couldn’t bear to look at the shock on Denki’s face, hiding his face in his hands. “I’m sorry but I do. Oh god, I love you. I’m so screwed” He whined, high and reedy from how tight his throat was.
Denki sat down on the floor in front of him, making them level. He was looking at Mineta with an amused sort of awe that just made Mineta whine when he peeked through his fingers.
“Has anyone ever told you you’re really dramatic?” Denki said softly, wearing his stupid little smile and rubbing at his eye. He’d always been a bit of a sympathetic crier.
“Oh fuck off! I had to have a sexuality and a relationship crisis at the same time!” He snapped, scrubbing uselessly at his face with his sleeves, the rough fabric of his uniform not helping at all.
Denki reached out with both hands, palms up.
“You’re still an asshole, but I forgive you.”
Mineta hesitantly placed his hands in the other boy’s. Denki’s smile widened as he gently squeezed.
“Let’s try this again. Will you, Mineta Minoru, take me, Kaminari Denki, to be your extremely attractive, super cool, super smart boyfriend?” He was so cheeky, lit up with his usual mischief that Mineta had sorely missed the past few days.
“You’re a dork.”
Denki just waited, smug little bitch.
“Yes, I want you to be my..boyfriend.” It was still a bit weird, and he just knew he’d be having a very difficult conversation with his family next break, but it felt right. “Just, please remember that while your parents are, like, super cool and your sister is the gayest person I’ve ever met, my family is very different. I didn’t know that gay people existed before middle school. I’m doing my best.”
Denki cheered, pulling his forward by his grip on his hands and pulling him into his lap. He missed this, how Denki hugged with his entire body. His hands were free, now happily petting his hair.
“I can be patient. I hatched chicken eggs once, that requires lots of- have I told you that story?” Denki proceeded to prattle on about the clutch of chickens his family had tried to raise once.
Mineta stopped listening, he had actually heard this story before. He had a thought that took precedence, enough so that he carefully poked Denki’s cheek to get his attention.
“Wait. Since we’re dating, and apparently have been for a while…” Mineta peered up nervously. “Can I like, kiss you and stuff?”
Denki’s face absolutely lit up like he hadn’t thought about that before now.
“Fuck yeah!”
He practically pounced, hands on either side of the smaller boy’s face as he kissed him with what was, atleast, a few weeks of pent up frustration.
It was chaste and clumsy, but Mineta felt like he was soaring.
This was still an alien feeling, to be letting himself have this, but seeing the pure elation on Denki’s face as he pulled back with a maniacal little giggle.
“YES!” They both jumped as someone who sounded suspiciously like Mina screamed outside the door.
“So, do we forgive her, or shun her?” Denki looked thoughtful, still petting Minoru like a cat. “I mean, she did get us to actually date but she made you cry.”
“That bitch gave me an existential crisis. But we can forgive her.” Mineta had an evil grin. “I hid a dead crab in her room.”
“Where did you- nevermind. I hid one of her AirPods.”
They shared an evil laugh before Denki attacked him again, pinning his boyfriend (boyfriend!!!) to the floor, careful not to crush him.
Minoru just looked up at him, winding his skinny arms around the other’s neck. So tiny and pretty and perfect.
“And just so you know.” He leaned closer to whisper in his ear, not wanting any potential eavesdroppers to hear. “I think you look fucking hot in the girl’s clothes.”
Denki made a very unmanly sound before speaking very loudly, glaring at the door.
“Mina you have three seconds before you overhear some ungodly things.”
They heard a soft thump and what was definitely more than one person run from their door in a panic.
“Now that that’s settled, what was that about being hot?” Denki purred, battling his eyelashes in what was surely an attempt at seduction.
Totally worked.
Hey, Mineta had apparently been dating this guy for several weeks, he was allowed a little debauchery.