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The party from Chaldea was halted in their expedition to solve the latest Singularity by an enormous and formidable stone fortress. It was wide enough to completely halt their progress, and the only way to move forward was to somehow get through the intimidating gates.
Ritsuka crossed her arms and sighed. “I don’t suppose we could just use an Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasm to get this thing out of the way, could we?”
“I think that would be a mistake, Master.” Waver ran his hands along the doorway, apparently searching for something. “Every brick of this place is latent with magical power. It’d be easier to knock down a mountain.”
Medea hummed thoughtfully beside her fellow Caster. “I think there’s some secret way to open it, though. There’s a really faint script, but I’m pretty sure it’s highly condensed Divine Words… if auntie were here, I’m sure she could read it in no time at all.”
“There’s no way I’m ever going out into the field with that woman again.” Emiya had been pacing behind the two of them with increasing anxiety as they examined the door over the course of several minutes. “If you can read it, Medea, just tell us what it says.”
“Somebody’s impatient today.” She let out a huff, then turned over her shoulder with a sly grin on her face. “I wonder why you want to get back to Chaldea so quickly. Could it be that you want to spend time with that cute new Artoria~? Could it also be – to extrapolate here – that you don’t want that young Muramasa spending time with her, cooking for her, making her laugh –”
“Let’s change the subject,” Emiya gnashed out through gritted teeth. “What does the writing say?”
“Well, I’d like a little more time to read it, but since you’re in such a rush~...”
Ritsuka cleared her throat, trying and failing to hide a laugh. “Medea. Stop teasing the man.”
She sighed. “I’m not a very good speed reader, but roughly speaking, it says, “‘known to one and unknown to all, never shall the bastion of,’ uhhhh, something or other, ‘fall; the one who holds the blade of the field, then flippity dippity shall be revealed.’”
A string of faint blue characters began to glow as she spoke, fading away just as quickly.
“Oh,” Waver said, “so it’s the mines of Moria. It’s actually just a plot point stolen from Lord of the Rings.”
“Yeah, we’ve exposed all the Servants at Chaldea to a ton of pop culture over the years. This sort of thing just keeps happening more and more frequently.” Ritsuka raised an eyebrow. “Speaking of Chaldea… something about the rhyming scheme seems kind of familiar. I think Phantom or Mephy might be behind –”
“Who cares!?” Emiya shouted with uncharacteristic impatience. “ ‘the one who holds the blade of the field’ – that sounds like it needs a sword to open it, right? We just find the right sword, maybe from a nearby battlefield or something, and blow this thing off its hinges.”
“I’m… I’m not sure it has hinges, Emiya,” Ritsuka said.
Waver raised a hand and adjusted his glasses. “Additionally, in the source material this is obviously based off of, it’s the second interpretation of the riddle that’s actually the answer. You see, the inscription reads “speak friend and enter,” but Gandalf and the rest of the fellowship take that to mean –”
“Not the time, El-Melloi. You can talk about your nerd trivia later.”
He let out a huff of air. “Alright, sorry, jeez. Don’t cut my head off, asshole.”
Emiya held out his hands, and in a few seconds, Excalibur had materialized in his hands.
Waver’s eyes widened. “I said I was sorry! Please, don’t literally cut my head off!”
“Both of you. Get out of the way.”
Like field mice under the murderous gaze of a hawk, Waver and Medea quickly scampered out of the way. Even Ritsuka took a few steps back as Emiya slowly and deliberately raised his arms over his head… took in a deep breath…
“...Ex…”
(Oh no he was saying the thing; Ritsuka immediately joined Waver and Medea in running for cover behind the treeline)
…and shouted.
“...caLIBUR!”
An explosion of pure golden light deafened and blinded Ritsuka all at once; she immediately shut her eyes. She had seen Artoria, and all her different versions, use Excalibur, and all its different versions, many times before – but Artoria knew how to use her weapon. She only ever used her Noble Phantasm against a group of enemies on a flat plain from a very generous firing distance. Emiya had used it point blank against a damn wall. The resultant pillar of light was about five times bigger and brighter than it usually was, and took about five times longer to fade, too.
When Ritsuka could no longer see how bright it was even though she had her eyes closed, she risked taking a peek at the fallout.
She was pleased to notice that Emiya was still standing there, more or less fully intact. His hair had gotten badly ruffled, but considering he had all his arms and legs, that seemed like getting off lightly. The landscape around him had been transformed from a fairly tranquil sea of green grass into a gray, lifeless, blasted heath. The fortress – whose stones had been heated hot enough to glow orange, though they were quickly fading to a dull red – still looked brand new.
Ritsuka let out a sigh and got to her feet. “Well, Emiya, it was worth a shot, but it doesn’t seem like it worked.”
He turned over his shoulder to look at her. He looked down at the golden sword in his hand, then sighed, letting it disintegrate into a cloud of sparkling blue dust. “You’re right. I guess it was too much to hope for.”
Ritsuka nodded. “So, if we’re going to open the door, we’ll just have to –”
“Try another sword.” He summoned a larger, darker, scalier weapon than Excalibur, one that Ritsuka recognized as Siegfried’s Balmung only by the weird way Emiya held it, with one hand on the hilt and the other on the base of the blade.
Medea poked her head out from behind a slightly burnt bush. “I’m sorry, what!?”
“Of course the first sword I tried wasn’t going to do it. I’m going to work my way through swords with Anti-Fortress Noble Phantasms like Master suggested. I’ll go alphabetically, and then expand to all bladed weapons once I’ve exhausted those.”
“Eh… Emiya, I don’t know that I ever actually said –”
“Precision and persistence, Master. I’ll open this door or die trying.”
“That’s what I’m worried about!”
He lifted Balmung up to his chest. A small sphere of blue light began to grow at the tip of the sword.
“You should all probably clear the area. Collect some materials or just enjoy the weather while I’m working on this. It shouldn’t take too long, but in the meantime –”
“Haha, yep, got it, don’t worry, see you later!!!” She grabbed Waver and Medea by the arms and immediately hauled them to their feet. “Let’s go let’s go let’s go let’s go – ”
They ran deeper into the forest, to the point where Balmung sounded less like a bomb going off and more like a jet engine. Still loud, but a lot less frightening.
Ritsuka let out a sigh of relief. “I have no idea what’s gotten into him.”
“I admit, I’ve never seen him so riled up. And gods know I’ve tried my hardest.” Medea lifted a gloved hand to her cheek and shook her head. “Honestly. Although, if there were anyone who could solve that puzzle through sheer trial and error, it would be that man.”
Waver let out a groan. “I don’t think that’s going to work. It’s probably some specific magical sword crafted just for that door. Even if Emiya could summon it, it probably needs a unique wavelength of magic or… I don’t know. Something stupid like that. Magic sucks.”
“Said of one of the foremost mages of his admittedly limited time being possessed by a Heroic Spirit.”
“Yeah, which makes me an authority on the subject, and I say, magic always requires the stupidest, most roundabout solutions to any problem.” He shrugged dismissively. “Whatever. Regardless, we should still be looking for the key. If Emiya somehow manages to open it, I’m sure there’s something we can use the necessary item for later on.”
Ritsuka nodded – then paused. He did a quick head count of her Servants, which didn’t take long at all because she was missing two of them.
“...does anyone know where Salter and Bedivere are?”
Waver and Medea whirled around, also just now realizing that they were two people too few. Double-checking didn’t really make a difference.
“Well,” Ritsuka sighed, “let’s go back to the entry point. Maybe we can rendezvous there.”
The journey through the forest was less of a trek and more of a brief trot. Luckily, they didn’t run into any monsters or wild animals on the way, and they were able to reach the clearing where they had first arrived in the Singularity without incident.
Artoria Alter and Bedivere were there, thankfully. Bedivere was kneeling in the grass, apparently inspecting something. Ritsuka made sure to approach him quietly and deliberately.
Artoria Alter’s head whipped around as she noticed Ritsuka and the others. She held a finger up to her lips to signal them to be silent.
Something about her eyes – the intensity of them, the way her feline, slit-eyed pupils had dilated to dinner plate-size – gave Ritsuka pause. She decided to heed her Servant, and tiptoed closer to Bedivere while trying not to alert him to her presence.
Bedivere was talking to something. Well, talking might have been the wrong word – he was making facial expressions like he was in a conversation, but he wasn’t speaking any language that Ritsuka knew. (And she knew quite a lot, after summoning so many different Servants from across time and space.) it sounded more like… squeaking.
And in Bedivere’s hands, something very small and furry squeaked back.
Ritsuka leaned over Bedivere’s shoulder. A little-bitty field mouse (wearing a robe and a little metal cap!!!) was standing upright in Bedivere’s cupped palms. It – He? She? – The mouse was gesturing pointedly with its front paws, like an officiant giving a speech. The mouse seemed very determined and serious, and Bedivere was treating it just as seriously. When the mouse paused and gestured at Bedivere, he opened his mouth and squeaked back –
Ritsuka couldn’t help herself. “Oh my gooooooood, Bedivere, this is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!”
Bedivere and the mouse both flinched. He cupped his hands together instinctively, shielding the mouse from the new threat – from Ritsuka, which was a weird position for her to find herself in.
“Aheh… sorry, my bad,” she said sheepishly. “In my defense, you were absolutely adorable and I couldn’t help myself!”
Artoria Alter chuckled wryly. “He’s like a Disney princess. It’s pathetic.”
Medea let out a gasp. “What’s pathetic about that? My auntie and I can both speak to animals. And I even used to be a pri– a “you-know-what”, back on Colchis.”
“...it might also be a bit cute.” Artoria Alter’s stoic expression didn’t change, but she was determinedly scanning the treeline rather than looking at Medea.
Medea let out a chuckle, then turned back to Bedivere curiously. “Although, I’m not sure how you’re communicating without magic… is this some kind of skill we’ve never seen before?”
Bedivere blushed. He looked like he wanted to fidget with his hands but didn’t want to stop guarding the mouse. “I, um – I-I spent a few decades living with – a civilization – who used a – who used a squirrel as one of their primary methods of communication.”
Ritsuka let out a snort of laughter. “What?”
“A squirrel. He – he was a very nice fellow. Ran up and down carrying messages between a giant eagle and an even more giant snake. Scared out of his little mind, but he still did it, every day. I learned how to speak enough of his language to talk to him and try to help the poor thing calm down. As it turns out, most magical small mammals… speak similar… languages… I-I’m sorry, I’m only now realizing how ridiculous this sounds.”
“Oh, no, not at all.” Ritsuka’s expression had only become more delighted as Bedivere continued his story. “Please, explain to us what you use your squirrel-language to talk with the mouse about.”
“I – it’s not – I didn’t…” He trailed off. Then he sighed and held out his hands. “...his name is
Theobald.”
Ritsuka gasped. She bent over to be eye level with the mouse “Theobald! That’s great! Hi, Theobald, so nice to meet you!”
The mouse (Theobald, Ritsuka corrected) winced, but waved his paws and bowed his head politely.
Bedivere cleared his throat and spoke in a whisper. “You have to be very quiet when talking to creatures orders of magnitude smaller than you are, Master.”
“Oops, sorry.” She shrank in on herself and waved back. “Sorry, Theobald.”
The mouse squeaked back. Ritsuka couldn’t understand him, and she got the impression he hadn’t really understood her, but he was trying to be nice regardless.
Bedivere stood up straight. “My mouse-speak isn’t perfect, but I believe Theobald here came to us for help. His people are being terrorized by several terrible and ferocious predators. As the largest beings in this land, he humbly asks that we help him.”
“Awww, of course we’ll –” Ritsuka caught herself, lowering her voice from a squeal to a whisper. “I mean, of course we’ll help.”
Waver let out a groan. “Do we have to?”
Ritsuka whipped her head around and gave Waver her very best manic Quartz-deprived death glare. “I’m sorry, El-Melloi – do you have something better to do? Are you refusing to help save this adorable little mouse? His adorable mouse family? His entire – miniature – adorable mouse village? By all means, feel free to do nothing until that big fuck-off fortress decides to collapse on its own accord.”
“...fine,” Waver said, “but I’m only going along with this Hans-Christian-Andersen-derivative farce for two hours. At two hours and one minute, I’m just going to lie down in a field and wait for the world to start making sense again.”
“That’s close enough to a yes for me!” She turned back to Bedivere, cheerful and sunny. “Let’s go!”
In the end, the adventure ended up taking a little over three hours. They took care of a magical fox and a magical hawk that had been harassing a surprisingly large group of mice. When the mice explained that the final and most dangerous animal was a magical badger, Waver finally proved true to his words and called it a day.
They had triumphed over the ornery woodland creatures, naturally. A magical badger was scary, but a lot less scary for someone who had fought dozens of small, extremely powerful monkeys. Compared to that nightmare, this had been a pleasant diversion.
The mice had honored all the Servants, and Ritsuka especially, with a ceremony when they returned with good news. Each one of them was given a laurel made from daisy leaves and a medal made from a pecan shell.
“And now, as the highest honor they can award,” Bedivere translated, “they present you, Master, with – hm.”
“With what, Bedivere?”
“The word… doesn’t really translate. I think it might be a proper noun? They’re presenting you with a very special gift – go ahead and kneel again.”
Ritsuka obliged. She bowed her head deeply and held out her hand with her palm up and her knuckles touching the ground. It was impractical and a little dangerous to try and have the mice pin their accolades on people who were much larger than they were, so they all agreed that simply placing it in the recipient’s hand was sufficient enough.
The mouse – not Theobald, but a different mouse, the leader of this community – stepped forward and placed something small, thin, and surprisingly heavy in Ritsuka’s hand.
She brought it close to her face, unable to contain her curiosity. It was a small blade of grass, twisted into a solid line ending in what was no doubt an incredibly sharp tip.
“Oh, is this… a rapier?”
Bedivere nodded and began translating again. “Normally, this weapon is given to their finest warrior to defend the realm. Since you’ve saved them, this blade belongs to you.”
“Oh… wow. Tell them – tell them I can’t take it with me, since I wouldn’t want to permanently deprive them of their treasure, but I’ll hold onto it and cherish it as long as I’m still here. Could you ask them to try and explain the name, since it doesn’t translate well? I want to make sure I treat it with the appropriate respect.”
Bedivere was already squeaking to the mice while Ritsuka was still talking. There was a bit of crosstalk between them, hopefully clarifying something for Bedivere, before they answered her question.
“They’re saying… they’re saying that long ago another human gave them the blade, and tasked them to keep it hidden until it was needed to fulfill its purpose. Since the human never returned, and the mice didn’t know what its purpose was, they’ve been using it as a simple weapon. It’s true purpose is a secret, hence the name – ” Bedivere squeaked again – “or, “Secret of the Field”, approximately.”
Ritsuka paused. She felt the gears in her brain turning slowly, slowly… something about a secret… a secret weapon… in the field … a blade made from a blade of grass…
She practically felt the realization click into place. “OH! Oh, this is exactly what we needed!”
There was a loud, collective squeak from the many, many mice gathered around her. Bedivere cleared his throat gently. “Master.”
“Right. Volume. Sorry.” She bowed apologetically to the mice, then whirled back around with a frantic energy. “But I think this is the key that’ll unlock that fortress that was blocking our path earlier! Medea, you remember the writing around the door, right?”
Realization dawned on her. “Yes – the one who holds the blade of the field – that’s certainly the blade, and you’re certainly the one holding it. I’m sure Archer will be thrilled when we bring him the solution.”
“Oh man, yeah. He’s probably been stumped for a while now. We better get over there so that he’s not just sitting there twiddling his thumbs.” She quickly addressed the congregation of mice one final time. “Thank you, again, for everything. I’ll treasure this gift – but there’s another urgent matter that I have to take care of right away. Gotta save the day now, y’all, thank you again so much for your gift, your kindness, and all the rest. See ya!”
She left Bedivere to finish delivering her remarks, then quickly began assembling her remaining Servants. “It’s getting late now, so there’s a chance we might be attacked on our way back to the fortress. There’s a chance enemies are waiting to ambush the first person who opens that door, too. Salter, you’re on point. Medea, you’ll bring up the rear with Bedi. When we meet back up with Emiya and Waver, they’ll join Salter in the front.”
Medea pouted a little. “Can’t I… also be in the first wave? At least until we reach the fortress…”
Ritsuka couldn’t help but scoff and roll her eyes a little. “Girlfriend privilege only gets you so far, Medea. You two can cuddle when you’re back at base.”
“B-but – that’s not – ”
“Medea.” Artoria Alter lifted up the Caster’s chin. Medea was taller than her, so it just had the effect of exposing her throat. “Be good.”
She shuddered. “Y-yes, honey. Sorry, honey.” Her eyes flicked to Ritsuka. “Sorry, Master.”
Ritsuka just chuckled. She pressed on and left those two to their own devices.
Bedivere joined their group soon enough, and they were marching right back out of the field and into the woods again. Night was beginning to fall, but there was still enough of the evening dusk in the sky to light their way with ease. No monsters jumped out at them, nor any other small magical creatures for that matter. They were making good time.
And then all of a sudden, the sky went dark.
Then, the dusk came back.
Then, it disappeared again.
Then the dawn appeared. Then disappeared. Then the noonday sun arrived. Then vanished. Then, the sick green light that came in the afternoon after a rainstorm, then the peculiar shade of blue-gray that brightened the night sky just before the sun came up, then the orange-colored, purple-striped, pretty green-polka-dot skies that only visited grocery store parking lots, then –
“Bro,” Ritsuka said softly, “what is going on with the freaking sky, God?”
They picked up the pace and reached the fortress that much more quickly.
Before it even came into view, the party ran into Waver, leaning against a tree and smoking a cigarette – one of several , judging by the pile at his feet.
Waver looked at his shoulder at the noise they made when they approached him. His glasses slipped off his face. He didn’t bother pushing them back up.
“Ritsuka, finally. You have to stop him. This is – the most – ridiculous, insane, over the top – you have to stop him.”
“What are you talking about?”
He seized her by the shoulders. “He hasn’t stopped!”
Ritsuka had no idea what Waver was talking about. She was about to tell him so…
…before she saw the swords.
Countless swords, filling up the blackened, cracking earth surrounding the unscathed fortress, like stalks of wheat on the world’s most productive farm. She recognized plenty of them – all the different flavors of Excalibur were there, Altera’s unmistakable Photon Ray, the swords of the knights of the round table, the jeweled hilt of Durendal, the bulky drill-like silhouette of Caladbolg, and so many more – but there were several she didn’t recognize at all. Weapons she had never encountered in any Singularity, of every shape, size, and color.
Emiya was currently wielding a simple straight sword, unremarkable except for the beautiful shade of bright blue metal that composed the blade. He held it over his head before bringing it down to strike at the fortress –
The entire world was filled with summertime – there wasn’t a cloud in the sky, the air was hot and humid, and there were even a few very confused birds who began chirping. The light faded away several seconds later.
Emiya regarded the beautiful sword with a look of vague disgust, or maybe it was just disappointment. He threw it far out to the side, and it landed perfectly in a cluster of other brightly-colored weapons.
“Sword of a summer day at 12:20 precisely, and also it’s raining . ”
Another sword appeared in his hands as he spoke, almost exactly the same in appearance to the previous one, except now it was a dark black streaked with shades of blue-grey.
Ritsuka stepped forward. “Hey, Emiya – whatcha doin’?”
His head whipped around with an audible crack. He was staring at Ritsuka with intense, slightly bloodshot eyes, like he had been awake for three days instead of the three hours or so that had passed since they had seen each other. “Master. I’m doing exactly what you suggested – I’m trying to figure out which blade will open the door.”
“You’ve… just been brute forcing it the whole time?”
Emiya gestured to the hundreds of swords filling the space between them. “I’ve been systematically testing weapons until I find the right one. I exhausted the Anti-Fortress options pretty quickly. It eventually occurred to me that, since there’s obviously some kind of double meaning or wordplay going on, that it might need something more abstract and conceptual.”
“Aha… y-yeah… the solution’s definitely pretty conceptual…”
“So I began summoning anything and everything I could think of,” Emiya sailed right over Ritsuka, not giving her the chance to let him know that she actually had the solution. “I tried emotions – the sword of rage, the sword of greed, the sword of fear, the sword of will –”
“How is will an emotion?”
“-- the sword of hope, the sword of compassion, the sword of lust, the sword of grief, the sword of apathy, the sword of joy – not to be confused with Joyeuse, that’s Charlemange’s sword. Then I moved onto swords from fictional characters: the Power Sword, the Sword of Omens, Longclaw, Riptide, Stormbringer, Narsil, and also Anduril just for good measure –”
“Wait a damn second!” Waver bolted up from his resting spot and stormed over beside Ritsuka. “You know those swords by name? You know the difference between those swords?”
“...yeah,” Emiya said.
Waver sputtered indignantly. “You – you made fun of me earlier when I was talking about the mines of Moria! You called it “nerd trivia”! And now you’re telling me you’ve seen the Lord of the Rings movies well enough to know the difference between Narsil and Anduril?!”
“Of course I’ve seen those movies!” Emiya began shouting, suddenly possessed by a frantic, violent energy. “I own those movies! I bought them on DVD and Blu-Ray! I bought the director’s cut, and I forced my family to watch all nine and a half hours! They’re incredible movies!”
“But –”
“And, if you reference them in public – in the middle of an active Singularity, no less – that makes you a nerd!”
“But you summoned them!”
“I was trying to –” He stopped himself, took a deep breath, and when he spoke again, it was at a more normal volume. “I was trying to solve a problem with all the tools at my disposal. That happens to include the nerdy ones. And it doesn’t mean that I’m not also a nerd.”
Ritsuka had stretched her patience just about thin enough; she didn’t really understand everything that the two Servants were arguing about and she wasn’t in the mood to try and decipher it nor let them sort it out themselves.
“Hate to break it to you, Emiya, but we already have the blade we need.”
“....what?” Emiya went perfectly still, his face a perfect mask of cold, frightening neutrality. “Where is it?”
Ritsuka fished around in her breast pocket before pulling out Secret of the Field. “We had to do a bit of side-questing to find it, but I guess that’s to be expected by now, huh?”
Emiya scoffed. “Master, I hardly think that a blade of grass will –”
“A blade of grass, Emiya. That’s the sort of stupid double-meaning we were looking for in the first place, right?” She stepped forward, picking her way through the dense forest of swords. When she eventually got to the door, she simply and unceremoniously taps the tiny weapon against the stones.
The effect was immediate. The writing around the frame glowed brighter for a few moments, before the door suddenly and without warning collapsed. The mortar holding it together melted, and Ritsuka had to scamper backwards to avoid getting caught in the avalanche.
Emiya just stood there, staring at nothing in particular. The stones tumble around his feet, buckling his legs and threatening to knock him down – but he doesn’t move.
The rockfall ended as quickly as it had begun. The door to the previously unyielding fortress was open, and the group from Chaldea can now move forward.
“C’mon, guys, we might as well go inside!” Ritsuka carefully tucked the grass blade inside her pocket, to ensure it would still be in perfect condition when the returned it to the mice later. She gestured for the rest of her party to join her and marched forward. When she passed Emiya she asked, “d’you think you could despawn all these swords now, buddy?”
Emiya’s eye twitched.
(Oh no.)
Before things could escalate, Ritsuka stood on her tippy-toes and patted Emiya on the head. A patented Good Guda Headpat could calm and soothe a berserker in the wildest throes of rage. Against that, Emiya could only let his shoulders sag in defeat and sigh.
“Magic is bullshit.”
Ritsuka nodded sympathetically. “It sure is, buddy. It sure is.”