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The group of friends decided to go camping the summer before they started their first year of university. Nuea had his family driver pick them up respectively in their own homes and drove them all the way to the camping sites.
The road trip to the camping grounds was chaotic, to say the least. Fon was surprised that Loong was able to keep focused as he was driving when they were all being extremely loud. All four of them were sitting in the back seat, with their things scattered all over the front seats.
Sky and Khongkwan were in their usual mood for banter, but with the same excessive need of jamming to music. Unfortunately for the group, they both had conflicting tastes in music, so for a good portion of the ride, they were blasting two different songs simultaneously while debating which song is better.
True to her nature, Fon just laughed at both her friends, as Nuea was obviously starting to get riled up because of how loud Sky and Khongkwan were being. To make things much easier for the listeners in that mini-van, Nuea grabs both their friends’ phones and started to play songs from his own phone instead, inciting even more banter from the two, and in turn dragging Nuea along with them.
“Do you think you’re gonna escape this?” Khongkwan turned to her best friend, who was sitting on her right side, ignoring the commotion by looking out through the window, and counting the number of yellow cars they were passing.
Khongkwan intertwines their arms, “Fon’s in my side,”
“Fon’s always in your side,” Sky scoffs at Khongkwan.
“I actually like the song P’Sky was playing earlier,” Fon inserts, her head poking out from behind Khongkwan whose head was turned towards Sky who seemed to have a knack for annoying her, thus earning a piercing gasp from Khongkwan, and an elated cheer from Sky.
“How dare you?” Khongkwan protests, turning towards her best friend, unlocking their intertwined arms, “You were the one that suggested the song I was playing,”
Fon cheekily smiles at Khongkwan, and added fuel to the fire, “I don’t like it all that much anymore,”
Sky laughs at Khongkwan’s distraught face and attempts to fist bump Fon right in front of her, to add salt to the wound.
“I’m just kidding,” Fon takes her words, as she takes her hand back from her fist bump with Sky, and interlocks her left hand with Khongkwan’s right. She leans into the other girl’s personal space, as a means of asking for an apology for siding with Sky, even if it was just to momentarily tease her, “Kwan’s music taste is totally superior,”
Khongkwan bounces in her seat at Fon’s words and puts out her tongue towards a pouting Sky.
“But I gave you a fist bump,” Sky whines as Nuea ruffles the boy’s already messed up hair.
“When will you learn?” Nuea asks, angling his head to look at the two best friends, “Even if the rest of the world is against Khongkwan, Fon will always side with her,”
Fon blushes with embarrassment because of how true Nuea’s words were, and she glances at her best friend who was sitting beside her and sees the red tint overwhelm her face too.
Fon thought it was for the same reason, and even though she was partly right, Fon completely missed the most important reason.
“How about you two?” Khongkwan inserts, teasingly asking the boys, and moving the attention away from her and Fon, “You won’t side with me?”
“I feel like even if we’re on the same side, you’d still be shooting at me,” Sky teasingly replies, earning a slap from Khongkwan, leading to a whole new banter starting up between them both.
Nuea just smiles at Fon as they both watch their friends arguing over nonsense things. They both know deep down, that despite the constant bickering those two ensue in endlessly, they do care about each other, and the banter is their own way of showing it.
When they got to the camping grounds, Khongkwan and Sky were still in their normal banter. But being such good friends, their competitiveness got the best out of them and decided that they wanted to pair up and compete on who can put the tents together first.
“Play rock, paper scissors,” Khongkwan instructs, “Whoever wins gets to decide who to team up with.”
“What do Fon and I have to do with this?” Nuea asks.
“It’ll be more fun if you both join,” Sky suggests.
“No, it wouldn’t,” Fon retorts.
“Yes, it would,” Khongkwan nods adamantly, to which Fon just fondly rolls her eyes.
Khongkwan cheekily smiles and looks at their two friends expectantly.
“I’ll do it, if we all play rock, paper scissors,” Nuea suggests, “The first one to win selects the pairs,”
“Deal!” Khongkwan and Sky exclaim at the same time, for the first time that day, agreeing to something.
Unfortunately for Khongkwan and Sky, the universe decided to play a cruel trick on them.
Fon ended up winning the game between them, and Khongkwan was completely confident that her best friend would choose her over the other two, but to her shock, Fon deviously smiles and chooses Nuea to be her partner, making the boy burst out laughing, and leaving the other two with fuming faces. To nobody’s shock, Nuea and Fon ended up winning the tent-making ‘competition’, to the dismay of both Sky and Khongkwan.
For a while, it was entertaining to watch both Nuea and Fon as their friends struggled, but as the sun started to elapse from the sky, they both realized that it was time that they helped the two so everyone could rest.
The tents were finished just before sunset, so they could enjoy the golden reflection of the sun setting by the lake, shoulder-to-shoulder. Hopeful as ever, for a bunch of kids that are just about to enter university.
---
As Fon was sitting by the bonfire on her purple foldable chair, she watches the fire intently, and the sparks that are emitting through the night. She finds herself wondering if the fire was just a tangible representation of what’s going on inside of her. She thinks she’s thinking too much, but that’s not something new to her.
Staying out with nature was meant to get her mind off things, and not make her even more melancholic. Fon thinks she’s insane for being so nostalgic about moments that were still within her reach, that were still happening in front of her.
Moments that are yet to pass.
Her eyes shift to her friends, and there it was.
The constant banter of Khongkwan and the boys over the pettiest things. It’s the chaotic laughter over things that won’t matter tomorrow. It’s the essence of living in a moment and enjoying it. It’s living in every second, without the fear of uncertainty that comes with tomorrow. It’s the little things, as others say.
And yet those little things frighten her the most. Missing them. Not being able to truly enjoy them, because of this stupid voice in her head that leads her back into her overthinking habits.
Fon smiles as she watches her friends and desperately hopes that her time with them doesn’t elapse. Her eyes move back to the fire, with a fragmented smile. Silently hitting the side of her thigh.
Her eyes move back to her friends, but this time they linger longer on her best friend – Khongkwan. The girl took her by surprise when she first introduced herself to Fon in the first year of middle school, with her bright smile, and shining eyes. Khongkwan never left her alone after that. Fon has always been a shy kid, but she’s talkative with the right people. And it just so happens that the right person was…is Khongkwan.
The rest is pretty much history, it’s led them to this point.
At the campsite, in which they are savoring the last few weeks of their youth before college swallows them whole.
Fon’s looking at them.
Fon's looking at her.
And all she could think about is how badly she wishes nothing changes.
Fon realized how intense her gaze was at her best friend when Khongkwan turns around and locks eyes with her. Fon straightens herself at the realization, as Khongkwan smiles at her before turning back to the boys momentarily, and then walking towards her.
“You’re stuck in your own head again,” Khongkwan mumbles, as she moves her foldable chair right next to Fon and away from the boys.
Fon could only smile at the comment, guilty. There’s no one who could read her like Khongkwan.
“What are you thinking about?” Khongkwan questions, curious. She angles her body towards Fon and puts her hand over Fon’s head ruffling it softly, with a kind smile.
“You,”
Khongkwan lets out a yelp, causing the boys to look in their direction. But Fon just shakes her head at them, telling them that everything’s okay. A laugh follows and slips out from Khongkwan’s mouth upon the realization of what Fon said, thus nudging her best friend’s shoulder.
“What did you drink and what have you done with my best friend?” Khongkwan fiercely says, earning a laugh from Fon.
“Is it that unbelievable that the comment came from me?” Fon fondly shakes her head at her best friend.
Khongkwan cautiously looks at her.
“OMG!” Fon exclaims, nudging her best friend in return, “Don’t look at me like that!”
Khongkwan, to tease her best friend, leans into Fon’s personal space, and looks at her with overwhelming pressure and caution, to which Fon just bursts out in laughter, and Khongkwan momentarily joins her, causing the boys to look at them like they were insane.
If it was possible to die of laughter, they would have. But they enjoyed every moment, disregarding everything else that was happening outside of their little bubble. And it was something Fon would be remembering until she’s old.
---
By the time the crickets were playing their song, the group of friends decided to retreat into their own tents. Khongkwan and Fon shared a tent, while Sky and Nuea did the same.
The girls were lying in their own sleeping bags, and yet it felt like they were shoulder-to-shoulder.
Fon found it hard to sleep, but she didn’t understand why. She knows her body is tired from the activities they’ve indulged in the afternoon, and yet her mind’s wide awake. Her eyes are wide open, and she’s just listening to the wind blow past the exterior of their sky-blue tent.
“Can’t sleep?” A voice asks suddenly into the night.
“Kwan!” Fon shrieks, as she turns towards her best friend, her voice changing to a soft whisper upon the realization of the loudness of her voice, “I thought you were asleep,”
“I was,” Khongkwan mumbles, palming her face, and rubbing her eyes with her index finger before turning to face Fon, “But I had this really weird dream, so I woke up,”
“What weird dream?” Fon asks, curious. Her voice barely above a whisper, her eyes locked on Khongkwan’s face, mesmerized.
Khongkwan chuckles lightly, “Apparently, I was wanted by a group of gigantic bunnies, and they were chasing me throughout the city. I woke up just before I was captured.”
Fon’s forehead creases at the randomness of her best friend’s dream, prompting a laugh from Khongkwan, who ponders at the cuteness of her best friend’s reaction.
“Sometimes, I just really don’t understand how your mind works,” Fon confesses.
Khongkwan giggles at her best friend’s admission, “Don’t worry, I don’t get how my mind works sometimes too,”
This time it was Fon’s turn to laugh at her best friend until it slowly faded into the night, and all it left was the unusual silence between the two.
“I wish we never change,” Fon whispers into the silence.
Khongkwan hums in reply, “Where did that come from?”
“I don’t know,” Fon hesitantly admits, “I’ve just been thinking I guess,”
“Fon…” Khongkwan sighs.
“It’s just I feel like time is moving so fast,” Fon admits, “Like tomorrow we start college, and then the day after we’re on the street hunting for jobs. And I feel like I’ll miss this. What if one day it all just disappears? And we’ll be a case of those people who fall out because of time,”
Fon momentarily worries that Khongkwan would judge her, but the slightly taller girl never does. She just sees her for her.
“We won’t be like those other people,” Khongkwan promises, pulling her hands from her own sleeping back, and reaching out to hold onto Fon’s exposed forearms. “We’re different okay? We’re totally different.”
“Kwan…”
“I mean it,” Khongkwan states seriously, “The world can try its hardest to break us apart, but we won’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen,”
Fon melts at Khongkwan’s seriousness, especially because the slightly taller girl is often the brighter one between the both of them.
Fon reaches out for a hug to which Khongkwan reciprocates, “You!”
“I’m so cool right?” Khongkwan jokes as a way of treading past her best friend’s remaining walls, earning a laugh from her.
Fon pulls away first, and playfully nudges Khongkwan for her joke.
“I’m for real though,” Khongkwan smiles at the slightly shorter girl.
Fon nods, “I know, I believe you.”
“Like even when those two buttheads are married off, we’ll still be hanging out weekly,”
Fon cackles at the thought of Nuea and Sky getting married…to each other?!?!?
“I doubt they’d get together,” Fon ponders cutely.
“Not together!” Khongkwan cackling, her nose scrunching, “P’Nuea won’t survive forever with P’Sky,”
Fon bursts out laughing because of her mistake, and at Khongkwan’s comment.
“Will you survive forever with me?” Khongkwan asks curiously, challenging Fon.
Her best friend pretends to think about it, but Fon already knew the answer. She gazes at Khongkwan and pouts, “I’m offended you think I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t just survive it, I’d love to have forever with you,”
Khongkwan coos, and playfully nudges Fon in return, “My heart!”
Fon laughs out loud because of Khongkwan, their voices gradually getting louder, disregarding the dormant people around them.
“Even when you’re married to someone, and you have a kid?” Fon asks innocently, but all she got was silence in return.
The abrupt end to Khongkwan’s laughter, as she stirs in where she lies and turns her body to face the pointy roof of their tent.
“Hey…” Fon starts, “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t think I’ll ever get married,”
Fon inches closer to Khongkwan, her forehead creasing at her best friend’s admission. “Why not?”
“I don’t think it’s for me,” Khongkwan whispers.
Fon nods understandingly, the dots connecting in her head, I guess that’s why she rejects pursuers immediately.
Fon peeks at Khongkwan from the side of her eyes and sees the girl with a look on her face. The look shows that she’s thinking and connecting the dots in her head.
“Yeah, that’s the reason why everyone gets thrown off the cliff,” Khongkwan chuckles at her wording.
“What?”
“You were wondering about how I reject everyone that remotely shows interest,”
“How did you know?”
“I’m literally your best friend!” Khongkwan argues, sitting up from where she lying and looking at her best friend bewildered.
Fon gets up and stares at Khongkwan, trying to read the slightly taller girl.
Khongkwan teasingly smiles in return, her eyes disappearing, as she scrunches her nose, to which Fon fondly shakes her head, “I have no idea why you had to bring a cliff into this,”
Khongkwan laughs, happy that her friend wasn’t looking at her any differently.
“What about you?” Khongkwan lightly hit her best friend’s left knee, “When you get married, we’ll still hang out right?”
“As long as you’ll have me, we’ll be hanging out for the rest of our lives,” Fon smiles.
Khongkwan reacts absurdly, raising both her arms in the end as her favorite sports team has just won the championship. She opens her mouth like she was about to scream but no sound comes out. Her eye widen, like what she heard was the most unreal thing in the world.
Fon laughs and claps her hands like a seal highly entertained at what’s happening in front of her.
“So, it’ll be okay if the guys start canoodling, and you’re just stuck with me?”
Fon cackles at Khongkwan’s choice of words, she repeats, “Canoodoling?”
Khongkwan shrugs, “It’s an appropriate word,”
Fon grins at her best friend, nodding as if to agree that the word she used was appropriate, “If you say so, but I won’t hate being stuck with you,”
“Is that the nicest way you can put it?”
“You’ve heard me say a lot of things I normally wouldn’t,” Fon whines, “I’m reaching my limit,”
Khongkwan beams at her best friend, knowing the truth behind her words. Fon isn’t the type of person that talks constantly about her feelings, or her innermost thoughts. She has a bad habit of keeping things in until they explode, and it just so happens that one of those days was today.
Khongkwan knows not to get used to it because her friend would revert back to her bubble, nonetheless, that doesn’t mean that she didn’t want to cherish everything Fon has said that night.
Fon looks back at her best friend with so much fondness, that despite her constant withdrawals, she still sticks beside her, and supports her.
“How about now? Has anyone caught your eye?”
Fon furrows her eyebrows at the question, and even goes to the extent of playfully shoving Khongkwan, “What type of question is that?”
“What I thought we were going there!” Khongkwan exclaims, teasing her best friend by repeatedly raising her eyebrows.
Fon lightly shakes her head, her lips pursed, “I’d tell you if there’s someone,”
At Fon’s reply, Khongkwan looks up at the tent’s roof, like she could see the stars through them, nodding at her best friend’s reply.
“You’d tell me if there’s someone who changes your mind, right?” Fon asks as she watches her best friend be lost in her own thoughts.
“Of course.”
Fon couldn’t tell Khongkwan choked through it, but that’s because Khongkwan has gotten used to masking her true feelings when it came to her.
In that mere moment, their eyes locked, and Fon wonders if it left Khongkwan wondering too because it took a long while for her best friend to reply.
“What are you looking for in someone that makes you think you like them?” Khongkwan asks curiously, gazing at her best friend with soft, curious eyes.
“Why do you want to know?” Fon stares into Khongkwan’s eyes, trying to find the reasons that she knows her best friend wouldn’t say out loud.
“Curious,”
Fon nods, taking the vague answer, but nonetheless storing it at the back of her head as she replies, “I just want to be with someone I’m comfortable with,”
Fon thinks about it for a second, her eyes falling on her intertwined fingers that were resting on her lap, before her mouth opens again, “Someone who I can be vulnerable with. Someone who gets me. Someone…”
Someone like you.
Fon stops at her next thought, as her mind drifts off to her best friend sitting right next to her.
“Yeah, that’s it,” Fon haphazardly ends her sentence.
“I get it,”
Khongkwan does get it. And Fon knows that Khongkwan does. Because out of every person in the world, Khongkwan’s the one who knows her best. Often, she wonders if she could read her mind. She wonders if Khongkwan could read her mind at that very moment.
Someone like you
---
And it replays in Fon’s head, and though she tried to bury it like a murdered dead body during the rest of her conversation with Khongkwan. The three words were what haunted her at night as she laid awake staring at the tent’s roof, as Khongkwan drifts back into her dreamland.
Someone like you
Like a broken record it kept repeating in Fon’s brain.
I just want to be with someone I’m comfortable with
There’s no other person in the world that can make her feel as comfortable as Khongkwan. She makes her feel like she didn’t have to hide anything about herself with her. She can be the goofiest person in the room, and the quietest all in the same night and she knows she won’t be judged. With her, she can be herself. With her, she can just BE.
Someone to who I can be vulnerable.
Everyone wears different faces depending on the situation.
Who you’re with, and where you are.
Fon isn’t a stranger to that, who is?
But that’s not the point.
The point is that no matter how many masks she wears, no matter how many faces she shows, Khongkwan’s probably one of the only people that can see right through her regardless of what she painted for the rest of the world. And at the end of the day, when they’re both in the confines of a four-walled dorm room, when they’re both maskless, when the makeup is cleaned off their faces, Khongkwan sees her.
The person that the rest of the world barely sees. The girl that cries because she stumbled a little at things that she’s good at. The girl who puts a little too much work in to make sure she doesn’t let anyone down. Fon’s not afraid to be bare with Khongkwan.
When the whole world makes her feel like she needs to build towers of walls to protect herself, Khongkwan makes her feel like she can lay down her weapons and disarm. And that the secrets shared between them in the late of the night are secrets that will be buried with them when they’re gone. She feels like her thoughts and feelings are valid. Like she isn’t judged for feeling one way or another, especially when doubts herself. Khongkwan knows her demons and has managed to tame them.
But what makes Fon adore the other girl so much more, is that the girl gave her the power to tame those demons herself. Even though she has someone to fight those demons for her, Khongkwan made her believe that the only way to truly defeat them, is if you fight them on your own. Not through battles, other people fight for you.
But Khongkwan didn’t leave her alone completely. She was right there through every fight, holding her hand in support.
Someone who gets me.
Khongkwan knows every facet of Fon’s being, sometimes she lets her know, narrating stories and starting conversations that end in the next morning. But sometimes, the other girl just knows. No words are spoken; she just knows. Fon doesn’t know how Khongkwan does it. Khongkwan reads her like she’s a billboard sign in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Sometimes she wonders if Khongkwan knows her better than herself. Despite her chaotic nature, Khongkwan’s observant – nothing gets past her.
Fon didn’t need to know what she found out a few hours ago. Because the thought of being with someone never occurred to her, until she thought of that someone being Khongkwan.
She knew she always admired Khongkwan for her ability to command a room and her sense of humor. She didn’t think much of it, which is why Fon’s realization was a second too late because before she even realized it, she was already falling from the heights, with no parachute and no option to rewind.
She covers her face with the palm of both her hands and mumbles to herself softly, “This can’t be happening,”
---
It was when they were in camp once again that Fon finally gets enough courage to tell Khongkwan how she feels. They were a part of the engineering faculty retreat at went deep into the countryside to help renovate a school for a small town.
The day was tiring as you’d expect, nonetheless, there were laughs shared between them and the rest of their friends, old and new. The day ended with a mild party. A party that was good enough for a group of teenagers out in the wild, while still abiding by the rules set by their supervisors. Although alcohol wasn’t exactly allowed in the area, considering how they were staying in the school they were renovating in. But what’s the point of life if you don’t bend and break a few rules now and then?
Everyone who wanted a swig gathered in one room, the one farthest from their supervisor. Nuea and Toh were nowhere to be found, and nobody dared ask about it. Sky, just as usual, was doing everything he can to make Jao realize and recognize how deep his feelings are for him. Fon was talking to Tor in the corner of the room, as they both watched their more extroverted friends get wasted and dance in the middle of the room like it was the dancefloor. Though Fon really wasn’t watching their friends, she was watching her.
The way her body moved as she swayed to the non-existent music, with the red solo cup clasped in her hand, raised towards the ceiling, like she was raising a toast to something. The way her smile formed on her face, slowly then all at once as she moved. The way her laugh echoed throughout the classroom, and her flustered grin when some of their seniors shushed her for being too loud.
Fon beams at Khongkwan, but the other is completely unaware. Fon’s eyes never left her best friend the moment they got into the classroom. Despite taking a few sips herself, Fon was keeping an eye on Khongkwan, knowing her best friend’s tendencies well. It’s not that the slightly taller wasn’t capable of taking care of herself, she was. But just not when she’s intoxicated.
So that was what it took Fon to get the courage to say what she wanted to say. With the knowledge that her best friend was pretty much out of it due to her excess alcohol intake, and the perfect mix of adrenaline and alcohol on her side, for her to be brave enough to say it.
Fon sits in silence for the meantime, her mind in deep contemplation, thinking about where to start or what to say, as if she was really going to say it with her best friend right beside her.
Fon thinks about what they talked about when they were barely adults, on the brink of college, and how Khongkwan said marriage, and in turn, relationships were out of the question.
"I know you said that it’s not in the cards for you, and I get that,” Fon sighs, "That doesn't matter, that won't change the way I feel about you,"
She thinks about who they were before she realized the extent of her feelings for her best friend. She thinks about who they’ve become, and how much they’ve grown. And how even though they’ve met other people, socialize, and circulated with people that another isn’t familiar with, they somehow always find each other, in the other’s orbit. Never really straying far from the other, always within arm’s reach. And how she doesn’t want that to change.
But holding it in, everything she wants to stay feels like a suicide match. She wants to be able to say it in her terms, the way she wants to say it, with no interference from anyone else. Fon wants to say it in a way, that Khongkwan won’t misinterpret it, because there is only one way to understand.
“I didn’t want to admit it, Kwan. And I swear I tried to keep it in, but it’s just so hard,” Fon pauses, as she takes a deep breath, her eyes landing on the back of Khongkwan’s head, ignorant to the chaos going on inside Fon’s heart, all because of her mere existence, “We practically spend every day together, and yet I still find myself missing you. I thought I could do it. Swallow the feeling until I unfeel it completely. But every day I spent with you makes me feel like it's impossible to.”
Something that is as simple as love, is often made complicated by other people because they haven’t fully grasped the extent of it. However, that isn’t the case for Fon, because she fully knows and recognizes Khongkwan’s worth in her life. How much the girl means to her. How she badly wishes that nothing would ever change between them. How even if the girl doesn’t feel the same way as Fon did, she wants to live the rest of her life in her orbit.
“So, I stopped denying it, and fuck the butterflies!”
Fon chuckles at the memory of every fangirl moment she ensued in the confines of her bedroom after spending an entire day with Khongkwan. The way she tried to refrain from smiling every time she was sulking was because she knew that Khongkwan would hug her from behind to try and soothe her. The way she tried to pretend like she wasn’t affected every time Khongkwan was acting cute when really her stomach was doing somersaults. The way she misses the slightly taller girl if she had to go somewhere she couldn’t.
Fon looks at the person she was talking to and exhales.
"I really am a coward. I had to wait till your flat out drunk and fast asleep to even have the courage to say this. Took a few shots too. I really did try to help it Khongkwan," Fon sighs, "But it's you we're talking about,"
Fon smiles at the slightly taller girl who was fast asleep. She wanted to give her every bit of love in her body because she deserved it. No one else in the world deserved it more. She deserves to be loved by every single person in the world. Because Fon thinks that Khongkwan deserves that, more than anyone else in the world.
A love that is overflowing. A love that can be shouted out from rooftops. A love that isn’t hidden. A love that is bravely shown to the world. A love that is not secret, but private nonetheless. A love that makes her feel like she is royalty because she is.
“This will be probably the only time I’ll be able to say it to your face without faltering,” Fon cleans the tears on her face, with the pads of her index finger, “I love you, Kwan, with everything in me. I love you,”
---
Khongkwan freezes at Fon's words. While Fon was too caught up in her own feelings to feel it, to hear it: The sharp intake of breath Khongkwan took after what she said, how her body stiffened and how her knees slightly buckled.
Khongkwan feels Fon’s body hit the mattress. Her eyes remain closed out of tiredness, but her ears are at the ready. Khongkwan thought that Fon was going to drift into dreamland until she felt her inch closer to her. She hears a deep breath Fon takes as if she was preparing to say more things.
Please don't say things you don't mean, Khongkwan practically begs in her mind, as she tightens her hold on her wrist, with every word uttered by Fon.
Just as if Fon could read her mind, her best friend utters, "I mean it, Kwan. Everything I've said. I mean it,"
"Even if friends are all we’ll be, it's okay. I get it. You don’t have to feel the same, nor force yourself to have to. Just let me love you Khongkwan, that's enough for me,"