Chapter Text
Maybe it was stupid, but some part of Akira would always be surprised by just how different Ryo was from Satan. Of course they would be. Even if he had all of his old memories, Satan was still a separate being from the one he called his friend. But perhaps it was some optimistic part of his brain, desperately clinging onto the hope that things between them had stayed the same.
At first, he hadn't really noticed anything too special. Cause yeah, despite the very obvious differences, (the giant ass wings were kinda hard to miss) it was still his Ryo.
Satan had the same pretty face, same smooth skin, same blue eyes, same tall lean figure, same... everything as Ryo. On a surface level, they were relatively the same even when it came to personally; reserved and definitely a little (read: very ) unhinged but passionate, and way too intelligent for his own good. (And Akira's, sometimes Ryo just used way too many big words and it was hard ok??)
It didn't take long though to realize the two were not the same at all.
Cause yeah, he had always found Ryo pretty, but Satan was just on a whole other level. What was that about hum being the "most beautiful angel in heaven"? Sure Ryo has always had clear, soft skin, but it was also undeniably human. He had scars - scratches and bruises that proved his history of violence and getting in fights when they were kids. His skin was clear, but he also saw him putting on a face mask every night. Trying to imagine anything like that simply felt out of place on Satan, who quite literally glowed.
In his memory, Ryo had always had super long, dark eyelashes, but somehow - despite him being a platinum blond - it never occurred to him that they didn't just look like that naturally. (Until he walked in on him putting on mascara once in the bathroom, which was a but of a shock but now that he thought about it, It was pretty obvious. At least he didn't own that torture device that was apparently supposed to "curl your lashes" like Miki did or else he might've actually been horrified). Now that he thought about it, he wondered if Ryo wore more makeup and he just simply had never noticed. (No way in hell anyone can have that perfect of skin, even if he had seen the countless skin care products in their shared bathroom). It was clear even to his 'stupid man eyes' (or whatever girls in his school would say when he thought they were entirely natural while wearing a full face of makeup) that Satan didn't wear any makeup. He just... looked like that.
And he would never admit it to anyone (not that there was anyone left to admit it to really), but something about Satan always.. freaked him out. Like an uncanny valley feeling or whatever...
Ahah, anyway, moving on!
Once he has gotten past the initial astonishment of his change in body, one of the things he came to appreciate most about becoming a devilman was that he was finally the same height as Ryo. A meaningless accomplishment now as Satan had to have been at least 9 feet tall. But he supposed he himself didn't spend much time in his human form anymore. Fully transformed like he'd typically be around Satan, he finally had the height advantage. And he was only a little cocky about that fact. (He couldn't help but smile thinking about how much more cocky he would have been about it if he was still Ryo)
And ok, he couldn't talk about his figure without mentioning one of the most notable changes (second only to the previously mentioned big ass wings). Yes, he liked the boobs. He really liked the boobs. What can he say, it set his poor bisexual heart (and maybe his bisexual dick) pumping. Enough said, moving on.
Anyway, speaking of the big ass wings, um, he had big ass wings. Like, a ton of them. Besides sometimes getting in the way, they were undeniably super fucking cool. They were smooth and soft, and sometimes Satan would let him pet them. He'd be lying if he said he didn't find it at least somewhat calming. (Even though the feathers would end up get everywhere) He also walked in on Satan prooning himself like a bird once and that was honestly an unforgettable experience for someone who spent years in a Christian household. (That experience goes on the list for top 5 life changing events he's walked in on, right behind Miki's eye torture device and that one time he walked in on the Makimuras while they were... you know..)
But as much as he could pick apart every little difference in Satan and Ryo's appearances, his personality was what stood out the most (Right after wings and boobs of course). It felt so strange to him that in a way, Satan felt more human than Ryo ever did. At least when it came to personality.
Satan just.. felt more... He was - for lack of better term - a petty bitch. He would grumble slightly and even pout while spilling his frustrations over god and the archangels and the whole of humanity, and anything really that seemed to personally upset him really. (Yes, another unforgettable image) His headwings(?) would perk up or drop down according to how he was feeling, and he has to admit it was kinda cute. Overall, Satan was much more dramatic and expressive, especially when compared to Ryo's own calm and calculated, nearing robotic demeanor.
In all of the years he has known Ryo he couldn't say he had seen him cry once (He hadn't really thought about it when they were kids, he would cry all his tears for him).
Satan cried. Heh, weeping angels right? He would sob loudly, curl up in his arms for hours, yet Akira was never able to feel the sense of empathy he would usually for anyone else in that position. It was weird.
And if he was talking about differences between their attitudes, well he would have to bring up what it was like to have sex. Ryo had always been more of a passive enjoyer, never initiating and hardly even participating at times. (It depended on the day really) He couldn't think of a single time it was like that with Satan, ever passionate. And let's just say sex with the devil himself definitely held a level of spice he had never had with Ryo... or anyone else really.
But, he had recently come to realize that even more than his emotional expression or sexual tendencies, when it came to Satan's personality the biggest difference was the fact that he told Akira he loved him.
In their time as friends, and even after becoming lovers, he couldn't recall Ryo ever saying those magic three words to him. Sure, he would respond with a nod or a kiss, or even an "you too" if he was lucky, but never once had he uttered an "I love you" in return.
Satan on the other hand, seemed to cherish the phrase almost as much as he did Akira himself. Which was fair enough, according to what he's heard of the time loops and all that jazz. (Ryo had deadpanned and told him to never go on the internet again when he had first used that phrase, but he had found it popping up in his vocabulary more often. Satan found it amusing, said it was funny how he still clung on to such 'human things') He would swear he would never lose Akira again as he stroked the hair at the back of his head and whispered into the crook of his neck.
Shit, looking back at all this, it seemed like it should be obvious who he thought was better. I mean really, when given the choice between a literal angelic being who cherished him more than he did the world itself or someone he knew over half his life yet almost never seen smile outside of watching others' misery, what would anyone pick?
But it wasn't as simple as that. Satan's perfect beauty felt overwhelming in a way he never felt around Ryo. And despite his cold disposition, Akira probably knew Ryo's feelings better than Ryo ever did himself. No matter how openly he seemed to express everything, he just couldn't understand Satan in the same way he could with Ryo.
And even though Satan said he loved him every day, sometimes the words felt shallow. Well no, maybe shallow isn't the right word. Like, the way he said he loved him it wasn't like someone would say to their lover or even a friend; no it was more like you would love a pet or even a favorite object. Like he loved the idea of him, or loved that he appeased him in someway, and not like he really loved him.
Maybe he was just being cruel. Satan had gone through so much to be here with him, hadn't he? How could he sit here and claim that a man that had never once told him he loved him cared more deeply for him than one that had spent god knows how long to be able to express it. (Haha, get it... God...)
But he knew why. Because even if Ryo never said it aloud, he never once found himself doubting his love for him like he does Satan.
It was because despite his flaws, Ryo had always been his friend, while Satan had always been his enemy.
(Maybe in the next time loop his Ryo would have boobs too though? He couldn't deny, that was definitely one thing he couldn't even pretend he didn't like better in Satan)