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Eddie meant to say it before all this happened. He had been building up his courage for years. He had wanted to say it the first time he laid eyes on Steve Harrington during his middle school band performance when his hair was buzzed and Steve looked…well…perfect as he always had. The latter had locked eyes with him during the show, almost mesmerized. The first thrumming of his heart awoke then even though he was far too awkward to do anything about it.
He watched from the shadows through sophomore through as senior year aa Steve bounced from girl to girl and party to party, barely noticing his presence except to call him 'the freak' and get a laugh our of his popular friends.
Eddie didn't mind the teasing. Any attention from him sent ripples of romantic feelings roaring through his veins like the vibrations of his guitar. He would even purposefully put himself in the way of them if it meant Steve would notice him then.
Pages and pages of lyrics and notes written with women's names replacing the object of his desire only fueled the fire and every talent show, like clockwork, Steve's eyes would glue themselves to his performance and he would feel renewed in his conquest, fed the meager crumbs afforded him in such a time and place as small town Indiana.
Even once Steve graduated, leaving Eddie behind, he found ways to sneak peaks at him working in the mall, relieved to know he hadn't died in that explosion before he could tell him how he felt. And when he started at Family Video, Eddie was in their every weekend, finally getting some courage to chat with Steve even though Robin seemed more keen to speak with the freak than the hair ever was.
And she had noticed his glances too. Noticed the way he tried to get Steve to see him, but even with her help it seemed he was far too distracted chasing skirts and pink lipstick over leather jackets and tattoos.
Then Chrissy died and Eddie learned about the Upside Down and every maddening horror remaining in Hawkins. He had pulled a knife on Steve, holding it to his throat and learning there was even more to him than he ever knew, seeing the father figure he had become for Dustin and Mike.
If he hadn't been so scared perhaps he would have told him then. Pulled him aside and pressed his lips against him and made him moan his name into the moonlit night.
But Eddie was a coward. He had always been. He had wax wings, but was too afraid to fly too close to the sun and let them melt away, choosing to flutter just far enough away from it to burn, but never close enough to really let it notice him.
And now here he was about to battle Vecna. Likely to die. All the plans laid out and his eyes met Steve's own for one moment just long enough to see the want in the others that had been there each time Corroded Coffin played.
"You think you can handle this, Eddie?" Steve asked and before he could stop himself words slipped out.
"I love you, Steve."
Brown eyes widened in surprise and Eddie stepped to him, pulling the other man close and kissing him hard on the mouth. Steve started to ease into it when he pulled back and Eddie spoke quickly to stop him from responding. "Since the first time Corroded Coffin played. Since the first time you locked eyes with me then and entranced me with your intensity. I may be going to my death and maybe you are too. I couldn't let it end before I told you and I-"
Steve silenced him with his own lips and the two lost eachother in that moment to feeling of the other, only the need for air bringing them apart. Steve pressed his forehead to Eddie's own, his eyes piercing him to his very core.
"We are gonna live and than we are gonna figure this out. Understood, Munson?"
Eddie blinked and nodded. "Understood."
As the darkness began to sink in and the world grew colder, Eddie let his last thoughts float to Steve and the almost that could have been.