Chapter Text
For Jason saying I love you never came easy. After all, it wasn't like he grew up in a loving home. The first time He said I love you he had no idea what the words even were.
One
Jason was sitting on the floor studying an old book. He had found it in an alley dumpster and was obsessed. Sure the pages bent and the cover was torn and it smelled like cat food, but books were a rare found and Jason loved them.
"Don't know why he bothers" Willis snorted watching T.V. "Not like that little brat can read it"
Jason had in fact started reading at the age of three. Learning important phrases such as "Keep out", "Surveillance Area" and probably most important "Dangerous Dog"
The boy chose to ignore his father's criticism and continued to read.
"I love you" Marry smiled up at her dad.
"I love you too" Her dad smiled twirling her around like a princess.
"I love you" he read the words quietly to himself. It felt strange on the tip of his tongue and while he didn't quite understand them it did seem to make the dad in to book happy.
He looked up over at Willis who was still mindlessly staring into the TV. Quietly Jason closed the book and stood up. Slowly he made his way over to Willis. The nauseating smell of beer growing stronger stronger with each step.
"Dad..." Jason could practically feel his heart jump out of his chest as the man turned his head towards him, his face unreadable.
"Hum?" Willis grunted narrowing his gaze down at Jason.
"I-I love you," Jason said barely managing to get the words out. He stood there quietly waiting for Willis' response. The older man just grunted before turning back to the TV.
Jason didn't understand the tight feeling in his throat or why he wanted to hide. All he knew was he had said the words in the book but they didn't work.
As bad as that was the next time Jason said I love you was even worse.
Two
Jason had just gotten home from the store carrying two packs of ramen and a water bottle, knowing it would have to last them for the next five days. It had been a tough week. There had been little for Jason to sell and nothing worth stealing. He was forced to take his best book and pawn it for a measly one dollar and fifty cents.
The mere memory made Jason's stomach turn but he knew it had to be done. Rule number one of the streets: don't get attached to anything.
"Mom I'm home!" He called out into the seemingly empty house. He tossed the small bag of food counter "Mom?" He peered around the bathroom door. The sight his eyes landed on made his blood run cold.
Catherine was lying on the ground twitching, a dark ring of vomit stained her mouth.
It wasn't the first time Jason had found her like this. That didn't make the situation any less scary. Jason acted on pure instinct rushing to her side and turning her head so she wouldn't choke. He sat with her for hours monitoring her condition. Once the seizures finally stopped he leaned her up against the wall and used a wet washcloth to clean her face.
Once he had finished he sat down in front of her and grabbed her hand squeezing it tightly.
"I love you" it was the first time he had meant it. His throat felt raw as if he were choking on barbed wire. He didn't really care though because the loud harsh pounding of his heart had yet to slow. He held on to his mother as though she might vanish.
"..." She just stared back at him emotionless as though she were empty. Jason sat by her side all night making sure she was okay.
Not long after that Catherine overdosed never acknowledging the words Jason said. To the day he often wonders whether or not she had heard him.
The next "I love you" was by complete accident.
Three
Damian and Jason had just gotten done with practice
"Good work T-Jason" Damian corrected himself. Damian had made a promise to himself that he wouldn't call his siblings by their last names. Something he had started because of Tim's swath.
"Thanks," Jason said grinning it wasn't very often that Damian gave praise but he seemed to be softening up around Jason.
"I've got to head back to Buldhaven I've got an art show tonight" Damian waved walking to the door.
"Kay, Bye love ya," Jason said before he could think. Damian stiffened up as he stood in the doorway.
Jason watched in disappointment believing that once again he had been rejected. While in truth he had shocked Damian because Damian did love his younger broth but couldn't bring himself to say the words. Tim's death was still fresh and the idea of loving someone else just to lose them was more than he could bear.
So Damian left without acknowledging Jason. But the words stuck around in his head.
Four
Jason's first crush was a girl in his theater club.
He had joined the club due to his love of literature often helping to make sure the plays stay true to their source material. That is how he got the job of prop maker.
While working on sets he would listen to the rehearsals. One girl, in particular, caught his ear. Jess Waived, the girl with the voice of an angel. She and Jason became quick friends due to their love of Shakespeare and on closing night after the last show, Jason told her how he felt about her.
"I love you," He said handing her a flower.
"Oh..." She said rubbing the back of her neck "Jason you're a great guy I just don't feel the same..." Despite this, the two did stay friends but Jason decided he was never going to tell anyone I love you again.
Five
Jason laid on the couch snuggled up in a pile of blankets. It had been raining a lot this week and he had gotten a cold from going on patrol.
He had expected Bruce to be telling him "I told you so" but Bruce had been very nice about the whole thing.
"How are you feeling lad?" Bruce asked peeking through the doorway.
"Better" Jason coughed.
"Tell you what how about I go get a book and read to you" Bruce offered with a warm smile.
"Don't you have work today?" Jason asked tilting his head.
"I took the day off," Bruce told him "I wanted to make sure you were okay"
"Oh," Jason said as he felt his cheeks start to burn.
"So what about that book?" Bruce offered.
"Great expectation" Jason repelled.
"Good choice, I'll be right back," Bryce said before going to the library.
"I love you," Jason said once he was sure Bruce was out of earshot.