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Lucy thought Keira didn’t know.
Keira knew though. Of course, she knew. As always, people did not give her enough credit for how insightful she could be because Keira was known to be quite damn clever and strategic when to… with pretty much anything. It’s not like she was trying to build a genius out of herself right here and now, it’s just that when 1+1 equals 2 it does and she hops on to things like that quite fast.
Therefore, Keira knew she was the reason Lucy did not make captain for the Euros.
After Steph had her injury and it became clear it was too serious for her to hop onto the pitch for the euros, the next in line was supposed to be Lucy. She was widely recognized internationally, the awards piling up, and her age and experience added up too to make the cut. The way she was given positions and could lead when they were training right after Steph - it just made sense for Lucy to make the cut. To make it all even better, from where Keira stood, she knew about the talks going on regarding this. Meaning, she knew that this was more than whispers about who was to make a captain, Lucy literally attended meetings about this. Or at least Keira was about 89% sure she did as she was slightly more sneaky about a few conversations that were had here and there. Also, the way Lucy reacted when Leah was picked was… Too calm for Lucy. As dearly as Keira loves her, Lucy is competitive as hell when it comes to it and she extends her need to win onto the pitch. In more understanding words, Lucy is bossy as hell when it comes to reaching the win and she also enjoys the recognition despite how quiet she might be about it. Therefore, when there was not even a twinge of surprise or distaste in Lucy’s reaction when Leah was picked, Keira just saw it as a simple equation.
Their relationship was becoming slightly more public, at least that was the way she saw with the amount of recognition the Euros were slowly gaining and few questions dabbled here and there increasingly more often. She also knew that Lucy knew how much she got picked on with online bullying about her game, and how hard it has been for her to receive recognition at times. So, Keira was pretty sure that Lucy turned out the role of captain because of the conflict of interest, which was their relationship, which was her.
‘You not bothered ‘bout not getting picked for it?’ She remembers asking Lucy when it was all announced and Lucy was an absolute delight about it, smiling and congratulating Leah as if some people surrounding them did not have their eyebrows at least slightly bit raised, one of the main ones being Leah, staring at Keira with a confused face.
It was not like Keira was unhappy with the choice, Leah was an amazing player, great leader who was very in control during the game, and never the one to take things lightly before the match, which she could not say about Jill Scott for example. She was more than just a bit proud of her best friend and she knew that Leah could live up to the expectation, it’s just that even on the pitch in training despite how good Leah was, Lucy was the one dictating things more often than not.
‘What, why? Leah is literally a spot on decision, innit? I wouldn’t have it any other way.’ Lucy replied without any twinge of bothered on her face.
The way Keira saw it, Lucy might have made peace with the decision, but not her. It has been bothering her ever since the whole thing happened. The way she saw it, Lucy made a decision and made her peace with it, thinking Keira was dumb enough to just take it and not add two and two together. But she did and now she is stuck between her girlfriend and her best friend, knowing that she should be happy for Leah but she feels like she took a chance away from Lucy.
The feeling persists the more they are into the euros, the more attention they get, and the more success they get as well.
She tries to act unbothered by the thought in the back of her mind that she took something away from Lucy, but she is bothered. She is bothered very much, especially since Lucy’s football career, Lucy, and their relationship has been not an easy ride. It has worked out, which is not something she could say about Viv and Beth from what Keira heard, the distance and everything, but when Lucy swapped to Manchester City it was not for no reason, and before she took the Barca offer, it was also not something that went by without a discussion on how they are going to make it work. Keira was strong headed but she was also aware that Lucy was pretty much the most ambitious person she knew.
So yeah, now she is stuck with these thoughts and what is even better is that Leah is her best friend that technically she should be talking to about this, them being best friends and all but this football captain triangle is tangled up so well she cannot technically bring this up with Leah. Who she feels like an asshole to anyways, since Keira ditched her as a roommate for the euros in order to stick with Lucy.
It doesn’t come up as a thing until Keira sees Lucy roll her eyes at one too many compliments to Leah after the Norway game. It is barely noticeable to Keira and not a big deal at all when it comes to the things people roll their eyes at in the changing rooms but Keira who has been hyperfocused on the issue picks it up right away and gets anxiety bubbling up, knowing she will break.
Lucy catches on when she tries joining Keira in the shower just to find her girlfriend sniffling the few tears that slipped away.
‘Oh,’ Lucy whispers engulfing Keira in a nice and warm hug, as far as Lucy is concerned this is about the pressure, stress, and definitely part of the whole thing that everyone faces at some point during the tournament. As she tries to whisper the encouraging support words Keira grows more frustrated that Lucy does not get what it’s about.
The issue had been so long on her mind that she now has zero patience in dealing with Lucy’s misinterpretation and zero willpower to go with it just to hide the real reason behind it. Therefore, instead of leaning into Lucy she turns away and finishes showering, stepping out of the bathroom with Lucy trailing right behind her.
‘Uhm, I am confused,’ Lucy states, standing awkwardly and looking at Keira with a completely lost look on her face. ‘You seem bothered, fair enough, but uhm putting it out on me? You can just say if you need space.’ Lucy is too civil about it and Keira feels like flipping.
She is not going to do it but she is angry and annoyed and maybe humiliated and just a bunch of other feelings that she feels that she allowed to pile up and now they are spilling over. She is ready to throw daggers at Lucy. And in times like this, she gets a twinge of insecurity that she is not handling the conflict as well as Lucy does with her calm and collected approach.
‘I am bothered AT you.’ It takes a lot of power in Keira to glare at Lucy as she states it, she crosses her arms over her chest for the visual and watches as Lucy takes it with grace by nodding understandingly.
‘Well, how about we get dressed then and talk it out?’ Lucy starts gesturing at the room as if suggesting Keira takes a minute to collect herself but Keira is too far gone and is having none of it.
‘No,’ she cuts Lucy off and she knows herself, she recognizes it. She knows that when she heats up she is all talk and no thought, she knows that Lucy does not handle conflict like this, she knows she should take a moment but fuck that. ‘No, because you did not tell me the whole shebang with the captain talk and then told nothing to me about it as if I am stupid enough to not figure it out.’
There it was.
She said it.
And it was not all.
‘And the whole thing is so stupid!’ she continued, gesturing her arms in the air, her hip popping to the side. ‘I know you were offered captain and I know you turned it down and now you are all like let’s talk it out when back then you did not think of bringing it up?’
‘There was nothing to bring up.’ Lucy cuts her off. She does not deny it and Keira is fuming.
‘What do you mean there was ‘nothing’ to bring up?! You know there was. I asked you multiple times and you said nothing!’ Lucy opens her mouth to object but Keira is having none of it. ‘Don’t even!’ She spits out in a nasty tone, Lucy’s face changes instantly and Keira knows that this is when she gets the seriousness of the situation for Keira. ‘It is the principle of it more than anything as well! There were numerous times to bring it up and not even once did you think to mention it to me as if I was stupid not to figure it out!’
Lucy does not object to any of it, she stands there awkwardly, the guilt across her face.
‘Why didn’t you tell me you were offered the position?’ she interrogates and Lucy sighs. ‘Well? Share it with the public! I feel like at least THAT is something I should know, or is it something that according to your standards is reasonable to keep from your partner, huh?’
This seems to do it for Lucy as she states: ‘I was not offered the position.’, Keira stares at her dumbfounded. ‘There was nothing to offer,’ Lucy carries on and shrugs it away, her face showing the does not matter expression but Keira is not buying that at all. ‘It was a conflict of interest, clear enough to quite literally everyone and so there was no position to offer.’
Somehow Lucy’s explanation is even worse than the whole anticipation.
‘They would have made the same decision with Leah if Jordan was playing and so I did not bring it up because I felt like it would do no good rubbing this into your face.’
‘We both know that is not true.’ Keira objects because she knows she is right. Lucy and her is not Leah and Jordan. It is not anyone else. On the ranking, Lucy is a top-notch player. So is Keira, don’t get her wrong but she is no Lucy with an international career, breaking the headlines, getting named the best player, and so on and on. ‘There was no conflict of interest, it was never a conflict of interest up until now.’
‘Keira…’ Lucy trails off awkwardly.
‘No,’ It is clear that Lucy has a point in not bringing it up but Keira still finds it unfair. ‘You could have at least told me it was going on, it’s really unfair on my you know? And it definitely is a decision you took because of me.’
Lucy’s response to this makes somehow makes it all better:
‘You are my partner, I would be worried if decisions I make were not with you in mind’ Lucy smiles and it finds its way to Keira’s heart.
‘Okay,’ She nods, starting to move to get changed. She is in a towel after all and it is getting cold. ‘I am still upset and bothered tho.’
‘I know.’ Lucy nods and shuffles closer to Keira for a hug which Keira allows now. ‘I am sorry’ She adds. Keira bumps her hip into Lucy to show her distaste for Lucy’s actions but she also lets it be.