Work Text:
I float among the stars, a speck amidst the giant universe. A metaphor for how little our lives mean in the grand scheme of things. Below me is everything that I once knew. Gangs, New York, Eiji Okumura. Of all the things I could be thinking of right now, he is the only person who crosses my mind. Fear, Anxiety, Sorrow, not for myself, or anyone who may find my body. For Eiji. How will he react? I can only hope his sadness won't last long because I will always be by his side, no matter how far apart we are. My soul will always be with him.
Up here, drifting amidst the galaxies, I can only imagine how differently mine and Eiji’s lives could have been. What small, meaningless choices could’ve changed everything. What if one seemingly insignificant choice of yes or no changed whether Banana Fish existed? Would Eiji have ever come to America if it didn't? If I had never gone out with the gang that day would I have ever met Eiji? The thought alone was enough to make my no longer beating heart quicken. In the amount of time I've come to know Eiji Okumura, he affected my life so grandly. I could not imagine the last years of my life without him. I only wish that when he lands back in Japan, he does not regret the love we shared. I have so many regrets, not going to the airport that fateful day being one of them, but meeting and loving Eiji Okumura will never be one. I still remember the look on his face the day we met. The innocence and curiosity in everything that happened. I can still feel his arms around my body. His soft, yet firm and loving embrace. The memories we share are ones no average person may ever have. Eiji Okumura will always be a part of me, of Ash Lynx, and I could only hope that he feels the same.
I quietly observe from above as Eiji’s life continues back in Japan. The moment he stepped off the plane it was like he stepped back in time, back into his old life. A part of me expected him to be sad that he was back, for him to take the news of my passing harder than he did. Seeing him move on from the prior years as if nothing happened hurt me more than words could describe. He was sad for a moment, then nothing. It was like a switch flipped. I watched as he reunited with his old friends and family. As he went to cafes and libraries, drinking coffee and laughing about inside jokes until tears rolled down his rosy cheeks. I was glad to see him happy and smiling, but a part of me ached to see him act like I never existed. If I was a stranger passing him on the street, I wouldn't have expected him to have lost someone so close to him.
I watch his life continue like a movie. How he slowly changed with the seasons. Small details of his daily life remind me of us. I feel myself grow angry at Eiji, something I never knew possible. How could he move on like I never existed? Has he forgotten who I am? Did I not mean as much to him as he meant to me? “I really miss you, you know. ” I find myself speaking into nothingness. My words, although not audible, are visible to earth “even if you don't miss me, Eiji Okumura” I feel overwhelmed with emotions. Sadness. Frustration. Embarrassment. “You told me you loved me…”. Bright shooting stars pass over Japan as I finally let my pent-up feelings flow. I loved Eiji, and I can't help but be upset that he never speaks of me. Two years, we spent together. 2 years that he has acted like were nothing but a work trip. He only mentioned me in passing, when friends or family asked if he met anyone special, expecting him to say he met a girl. He said he met some friends but never specified anything about us.
Us. Was there even an us? Was I wrong? Did I let my heart run miles in front of my brain, convincing myself that we were anything more than just friends? You're the greatest friend I’ll ever have... Hell, he said it himself. Maybe I let my imagination of what could've been cloud my vision, or maybe this was my fate Eiji was trying so hard to protect me from. The fate that carried me away, into the milky way, to watch him live out his life in a peaceful exile until the day we reunite.
My life started and ended with Eiji Okumura, his name forever the name on my lips. I never knew true happiness before meeting him, and I spent my last moments on earth reading the letter he left me. I can only hope that he will live the rest of his days to the fullest and that when he passes, we meet again. Our two different worlds will finally become one. Two stars burning brightly together in a sea of darkness.