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“We’ve been in this hospital for 31 hours straight. I haven’t slept properly for 2 weeks. I can’t do this anymore!” Dayoung complained
“Same, but don’t forget we have a surgery to watch and we have rounds at 7 am tomorrow” Luda reminds her friend as she reads more books
“Why did we choose neurosurgery, Luda?”
“Are you regretting it now Dayoung?”
“I regretted it as soon as we step foot in this hospital”
“That’s too ba-“
“Hey interns, get up the surgery’s schedule has changed we have to go now” Dayoung and Luda’s chitchat was cut off when Dr. Park Soobin, a Junior Resident at the neurosurgery department came into the lounge.
“But we just finished a 6-hour surgeryyyy” dayoung whined, flailing her feet.
“Yeah too bad, I don’t make the orders here so get up! Or we’re all gonna get in trouble for being late”
With that Dr. Park leaves the room.
“Get up Dayoung let's go” Luda says standing up as she wears her coat.
“Fiiiineee”
——————
“Girl I quit. We started the surgery at 11 pm and we finished at 4 am CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???” Dayoung said as soon as they enter the room.
“Stop whining, and go to sleep. We have rounds at 7”
“7!?????? Girl, they’re tryna kill us I swear.”
“We all die eventually so it doesn’t matter if it ends soon, right?”
“Really inspirational Luda. Really inspirational.”
“Thanks! I try to be” Luda smiles the most sarcastic smile she has.
“You scare me”
——————
“Interns wake up!” Dr. Park barges in the room making Luda get up from her bed while Dayoung, well, she fell off the bed.
“Dayoung get up what are you doing on the floor?” A sleepy Luda says
“Double time the two of you, it's already 6:36 we have rounds at 7:00 get up!”
Luda and Dayoung’s senses woke up and immediately washed themselves up.
“Why are we ran as a military here? I thought we were studying to be fucking surgeons” Dayoung says as they start their rounds
“Why do you think we’re the only ones who picked neuro Dayoung?”
“I only picked it because you were here and I don’t know what to pick”
“What?”
“What”
“Hey both of you, stop chit-chatting we’re here”
Luda and Dayoung immediately shut their mouths and just walked behind the lead surgeon.
“Hello Miss Kim, how are you feeling today?” The Doctor started
“I’m fine but where am I?” The patient asks
“Wanna bet she has amnesia?” Dayoung whispers to Luda
“What? No! Shut up Dayoung” Luda whispers back
“Fine, but I’m telling you. This is how movies start when the patient has amnesia” Dayoung adds
“Shh! We are on working hours no chatting” Dr. Park shushes the two
“Yes Dr. Park” Dayoung and Luda synchronously said
“You’re at our Hospital miss, do you not remember?” The doctor asks once again
“Why am I here? What happened?”
The doctor was about to speak when an old woman around 60 barged into the hospital room.
“Oh my god Jiyeon, I’m so glad you’re okay” The woman cries as she kneels beside the bed.
“I’m sorry but, who are you?” The patient looks at the woman
“W-what? I-I’m your- Dr. Chu What happened to my daughter? Did something go wrong in the surgery? Why doesn’t she remember me?“ the woman bombards the doctor with questions
“Uh- uhm nothing went wrong with the surgery, but we’re going to find out why she can’t remember you, Ma’am. Dr. Park get the MRI ready” The doctor ordered
“Luda, Dayoung, go with Dr. Park” she adds
——————
“I told you she has amnesia” Dayoung starts once again.
“The MRI scan is just starting what are you talking about?”
“I know but isn’t it obvious?”
“Just shut up”
“Fine”
——————
“She has WHAT?” Luda exclaims
“You heard me right, Dissociative amnesia”
“I knew she had amnesia but not that amnesia” Dayoung says
“What type do you think she got Dayoung-ssi?” Dr. Chu asks
“I don’t know, maybe Antegrodae Amnesia?”
“You mean Anterograde Amnesia?” Luda says
“Yeah that, or whatever, the pronunciation is hard don’t judge me” Dayoung adds
“You’ll get used to the pronunciations Dayoung”
“But Dissociative amnesia, how?” Luda asks
“Well, the accident may be that traumatic for her, we don’t know”
“I think she was abused” Dayoung speaks up
“What?” All eyes are on Dayoung at this moment
“Well I just noticed a scar, well not just one but A LOT when we were watching the surgery”
“That’s possible too” Dr. Chu replies
“Well, that’s what we’re trying to find out, right? that’s why we’re gonna talk to her mother later so take notes kids, this is an interesting case” Dr. Park says
——————
“Good Afternoon Mrs. Kim” Dr. Chu greets the woman
“Good afternoon, doctors” the woman greets back
“I-, well, We would like to inform you about your daughter’s illness” Dr. Chu starts as the woman listens with teary eyes
“Patient Kim Jiyeon has, Dissociative Amnesia, which happens when something traumatic happens to her. That’s why we would like to ask if your daughter was, uhm, somehow bullied or, abused..?” Dr. Chu was walking on eggshells at this point
“Couldn’t be the amnesia from the accident, doctors?” The woman asks
“It could be, but, when we were in surgery, we just noticed some scars on your daughter, that’s why we would like to ask if it's okay with you... Ma’am..”
The woman pauses, she wipes the tears that have escaped her eyes.
“Well, my husband was a bit, abusive. He- he would hit us when he’s drunk or sober. He would take it all out on Jiyeon because he believes that she ruined his life. So, yes, my daughter was abused and as a mother, I feel terrible that I couldn’t do anything for her”
Well there it goes, all is answered. It cleared a bit of confusion for the doctors.
“Uhm, Dr. Chu may I speak with you.. in private please?” The woman asks
“Certainly ma’am, Dr. Park leave us for a minute take the interns with you.”
Dr. Park and the duo left the room.
——————
“Well, that answers it. Patient Kim Jiyeon was abused, no wonder she got amnesia” Dayoung says as she sits down in the cafeteria
“But, don’t you think it's strange Dayoung? Don’t you find it strange to Dr. Park?” Luda asks
“Strange what?”
“What do you mean Luda? And also how many times do I have to tell you that you can call me Soobin during lunchtime?”
“Sorry, Dr- I mean Soobin. It’s just weird that Patient Kim Jiyeon forgot everything except her name and age. I didn’t even know it was possible” she says before downing her coffee
“Your right, I do find it weird, it's as if she forgot everything and everyone who was present during the events. I also won’t believe it if you just said it to me, but since she’s here, I guess she’s living proof that it's possible” Soobin says
“I feel like I’m in a movie now, this is exciting” Dayoung said which made Soobin and Luda look at her
“Did I think out loud..?” She asks
Soobin and Luda didn’t answer and instead, they just sighed.
——————
“Excuse me if this comes out rude Dr. Chu but, you want me to WHAT?” Luda exclaims unbelievably
“Yes, you will help Patient Kim Jiyeon to regain her memories. I said what I said.”
“B-but WHY ME?? Her mother is there she probably has friends with her beauty but why me? I’m an intern, not a therapist or something? And isn’t she supposed to regain her memories by treatment??”
“Luda, calm down. She is going to take treatments, but to help her regain it faster, you have to remind her about the things she liked to do. Please Luda, it was her mother’s request. If you’re not going to do it, say it to her mother tomorrow. But if you are going to do it, meet her at the cafeteria tomorrow, she’ll tell you all about Kim Jiyeon’s hobbies” Dr. Chu says as she leaves the room, not even letting Luda process what just happened
“I can’t believe this!” Luda grips her hair as she sat down.
“I mean, at least you get to hang out with a gorgeous woman. It’s a win actually” Dayoung tries her best to comfort Luda
This is unbelievable.
——————
Luda goes to the cafeteria to meet the patient's mother.
“Good morning ma’am” Luda greets her with a sweet smile as if she just didn’t resent everything the night before.
“Good Morning Dr. Luda”
“Oh you can just call me Luda ma’am” Luda smiles at her again
“I’m sorry for disturbing you Luda” the woman looks at her apologetically
“It’s fine Ma’am, shall we start?” Luda asks as she takes out her notebook and pen.
“Ah yes, Jiyeon wanted to be a professional athlete ever since she was young you know? Her sport was fencing. So that’s her favorite thing to do.” The woman speaks and Luda just keeps on listening.
“She also loves Iced, what was it?”
“Iced Coffee?”
“No, Iced, iced coffee but its color black”
“Iced Americano?”
“Yes! That, she also loves……..” the list goes on but Luda is just listening and taking notes, she also helps out the woman when she forgets this thing's name. Apparently, Kim Jiyeon liked A LOT of things.
At this point, Luda regrets bringing a pen and paper instead of just her phone.
“Is that all Ma’am?” Luda asks
“Yes,” The woman replies but Luda notices that she has more to say
“Do you have anything else to say, Ma’am?”
“I- I do actually” The woman holds Luda’s free hand
“Luda, I know I’m supposed to be the one who’s helping her regain her memories. I know that. But I just can’t because every time she looks at me it's like- it's like-…. It’s like she never even knew me her whole life. Her eyes used to sparkle every time she looks at me but now, her eyes just look like a plain black circle.” The woman pauses, wiping her tears that fell down.
“So I’m begging you Luda, please make her remember, please” the woman was now crying rivers, and Luda couldn’t help but tear up too.
Luda puts down her pen and holds the older woman’s hands.
“I’ll make her remember ma’am, don’t worry” it was a pretty big promise but Luda guesses it was a spur of the moment.
“Thank you Luda, I’m really thankful”
“But may I ask, why did you choose me?” Of course, Luda never forgot to ask this question that was bothering her all night
“Well, when you and the other doctors left the room she asked me, “Excuse me ma’am but, what was that girls name? The one with long brown hair and curly bangs” I knew she was talking about you, that’s why I- no, she chose you”
Instead of answering Luda just nodded and smiled.
——————
“How did it go Luda?” Soobin asks
“It was fine, Kim Jiyeon likes a lot of things I fear” Luda says as she lays down on the couch
“All I can say is Good luck, fighting girl” Dayoung says as she raises her hands
Well, I sure won’t forget this
——————
“Good Morning Miss Kim” Luda greets
“Oh! You’re that young doctor with long brown hair and curly bangs” Jiyeon exclaims
“I have a name Miss Kim, It’s Lee Luda” Luda smiles
“Ahh, you look familiar then Dr. Luda” Jiyeon says
“You can call me Luda Miss Kim”
“And you can call me Jiyeon” She raised her hand, initiating a handshake, and Luda gladly accepts it.
“Jiyeon, would you like to have coffee with me?” Luda asks
“Do I drink coffee?” Jiyeon asks her back
“I don’t know, do you?”
——————
“All right Jiyeon, what do you want? It’s my treat” Luda smiles
Jiyeon reads the cafeteria menu, from the boba teas, frappes, lattes, and iced. Luda felt a glimpse of hope when she saw Jiyeon looking at the Iced category.
Please pick iced americano Please pick iced americano Please pick iced americano
“I… I want Iced Americano, I don’t know why but that’s what I want” Jiyeon looks at Luda
“Ok then” Luda smiles victoriously
“I’m guessing that you’re getting Vanilla Latte?” Jiyeon says out of the blue
“Ho-how did you know?”
“I don’t know, you just look like you would get it, I guess…” Jiyeon replies
Well, that was weird Luda thinks as she orders.
——————
The two sat down on the bench in the Hospital’s Garden.
“Luda, how bad is my illness?” Jiyeon asks
“It’s not that bad really, you just need a little push so you can regain your memories you know?” Luda explains
“Do I get to hang out with you every day?”
Luda chuckles
“Unfortunately no, since I have surgeries to watch and rounds to do you know? But we’ll see each other since we’re at the same hospital” Luda smiles and Jiyeon just nods while sipping her drink.
——————
“You woke up early today” Luda said as she checked on Jiyeon
“Well I wanted to see your beautiful face as soon as I wake up”
Luda chuckled
“Why are you laughing? It’s true!”
“Yeah okay, if you say so Kim Jiyeon”
——————
Luda and Jiyeon have been hanging out for weeks now but it's been almost three weeks since that Iced Americano situation after that Jiyeon hasn’t shown any signs of regaining any memory.
“Of course, it’ll take weeks and months Luda, she’ll recover.” Dr. Chu assures her before leaving.
“What’s with that look Lee Luda?” Dayoung asks
“What? Ah. I’m just… thinking”
“Yeah I know you’re thinking, but it's not the big-brain-movement type of thing, it's the overthink-til-I-fall-asleep kind of thing. So spill it babe I’m all ears”
“It's nothing, it's just, I feel like I already met Jiyeon somewhere. That’s all” Luda answers
“Or maybe you’re getting attached to her that’s why you feel like you met her before”
“What do you mean attached? Yeah, Im Dayoung, I don’t get attached to people easily. Mark my words. And please! We were literally watching people open her skull 4 weeks ago!” Luda defensively says
“If you say so Luda, if you say so”
Where did I see her?
——————
“Luda you have a visitor” Dayoung said as she entered the room
“Who?”
“Your favorite patient”
“Jiyeon?”
“Yes”
“I’m your favorite patient? I’m honored” Jiyeon chuckled
“Wanna take a walk at the garden?” Luda asked
“Yeah, why not”
——————
“Here’s your Iced Americano” Luda said giving the drink to the girl.
“You look really familiar Luda”
“I look familiar suddenly? How?”
“I don’t know, it feels like I already knew you from somewhere”
“This might be weird but, I do feel like I met you somewhere, I just can’t remember it”
The two is engulfed in a comfortable silence, the only sound you could here was the tree’s rustling, and the birds singing.
*ring ring*
“This is Lee Luda speaking”
Jiyeon looked at Luda’s direction. Jiyeon never realized how beautiful Luda looked. She just realized that she was as beautiful as a goddess.
“Hey I have to go” Luda says standing up.
“Already?” Jiyeon asks
“Yeah, there’s an emergency. I’ll see you around Jiyeon.” Luda smiles.
Jiyeon couldn’t help but sigh as she watch Luda walk back to the hospital.
——————
two months later
“Good morning Jiyeon” Luda greets
“You can finally leave the hospital but you still have to go here for treatments you know that, right?”
“Yeah yeah I know. But did you know that I was reaalllyyy good at fencing?”
Luda pauses.
Did I hear that right?
“You remember that.. Jiyeon?” Luda asks one more time
“Yeah, well I remembered it last week because fencing was the one playing on the tv, so while watching I was screaming at the tv saying “now! Now! Hit it now!” And blah blah then suddenly I remembered myself playing fencing” Jiyeon finishes explaining with a lot of hand gestures
“Jiyeon, why did you only say it now? This is a great achievement!” Luda hugs Jiyeon
This caught Jiyeon by surprise but eventually, she hugged back.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just tend to hug people when I’m feeling happy or excited.” Luda explained
“Really? Then I hope you only get happy and excited with me”
“What?”
“Did I…. Think out loud..?” Jiyeon asked
“Yeah, you did, but tell me, do you remember other things?” Luda continues
“Well, yeah,, I remembered how many bottles of soju I can drink,, but I don’t remember where I live”
Luda smiles a little which made Jiyeon smile too.
“That’s why I want to ask, Luda, is my mother there? I... I need to talk to her”
Hearing that made Luda extremely happy, so she smiled her biggest smile.
“Yeah, she’s here. I’ll go get her” She smiles one more time before leaving the room.
——————
Jiyeon was fixing her things when she heard the door open.
“Oh you’re here already? Mom-“ Jiyeon turned around and she felt her body go cold, and she doesn’t know why.
“Not quite your mom kid.” A man says
“W-who are you mister?” Jiyeon backs up only to meet her bed
“Wow. They weren’t kidding when they said you have amnesia huh”
“You should’ve just died you son of a bitch.”
The man walks toward Jiyeon and then grabs her collar.
“M-mister w-what are you doing?!”
“Making you remember the person whose life you ruined.” He then throws Jiyeon harshly to the ground.
——————
“Ma’am, Jiyeon would like to meet you” She smiled.
“S-she remembers me now?”
“Yes, Ma’am. So shall we go now?” She asked as She lead the way.
——————
“I’m really thankful to you Luda” the woman says as they walk near Jiyeon’s room
“It’s noth-“ Luda stops when she hears a loud crash coming from Jiyeon’s room. She runs and then opens the door only to be greeted by a man who was beating up Jiyeon.
“Mister what are you doing?!” She runs towards the man to stop him from beating up the girl.
“Mind your own business kid.”
“Ma’am call security!” Luda says to Jiyeon’s mother
“Mister please stop!” Luda continues on stopping the man
“I said mind your own business!” He grabbed Luda’s wrist and then harshly threw her towards the floor.
“D-dad please stop” Jiyeon begs backing up to the wall
So this is her father
The security soon came and took him away.
“Let me go! That bitch deserves to die!” He shouts as he’s getting dragged away from the hospital.
Luda on the other hand immediately checked up on Jiyeon.
“Hey, Kim Jiyeon are you okay?” She says, cupping the older girl's face
“I’m in pain but I’m fine I guess. What about you?”
“M-me? I’m fine”
“I guess I can say that I remembered something new today” Jiyeon smiled. Even though Luda’s face screams the word “worry” she still smiles with Jiyeon.
——————
“I have a question ma’am, why didn’t you sue your husband?” Luda asked
“You have all the rights to sue him, this is domestic abuse” Luda added
“It isn’t that easy Luda, well for someone like you it might be, but for us? It’s not” The woman starts
“We weren’t exactly comfortable, Jiyeon had to work all types of jobs just to feed us because that man wastes his money on alcohol. We wanted to sue but, we don’t have the money to hire a lawyer”
Luda just listened. She couldn’t say anything. Not until an idea popped in her head.
“How about I help you, ma’am?”
“Luda, no, it’s fine” the woman declines
“Please ma’am I insist”
The woman hugged Luda tightly, “Thank you so much Luda”
“You’re welcome ma’am” Luda smiles.
——————
“Hey, does Jiyeon have a girlfriend?” Dayoung asks
“No why?”
“Well that woman has been around here for weeks now you know”
“Maybe she’s just a friend that Jiyeon forgot”
“Yeah, probably”
——————
“HEY LEE LUDA!” Jiyeon calls her
Luda turns around, just to see Kim Jiyeon running towards her.
“What brings you he-”
Jiyeon hugged her. Tightly.
“Thank you”
“For what exactly?” Luda asks as she hugs Jiyeon back
“For everything. I know we will still see each other but, without you, Regaining my memories would’ve been very hard to do.” She says still not letting go
They hug each other for a while, and Luda could just think of one thing.
Damn you Kim Jiyeon and the things you make me feel.
——————
One month later
Luda was just doing her regular routine, just finishing their rounds at 9:00 am. She was walking peacefully until she felt that someone was following her. But she just shrugged the feeling off.
“Guess who,” someone said as they covered Luda’s eyes
“W-what- Kim Jiyeon?” Luda guessed
“Am I that easy to recognize?” Jiyeon uncovered Luda’s eyes
“Yes, no one in this hospital is a menace except you!”
“Hey! That hurt my feelings”
“Like I care”
“Have coffee with me. I want to tell you something”
“Right now?”
——————
“What is it? We should do this fast I have a surgery to attend” Luda said as she sipped her drink
“You have no time for me these days” Jiyeon sulked
“Stop sulking and just say what you wanna say”
“I remember where I saw you”
“What?”
“I mean remember how I picked you instead of your blonde bob hair friend?”
“Dayoung?”
“Yeah her, I picked you because back in Highschool you would visit my matches and you didn’t miss a single one!”
Luda thought very hard. Trying to remember her high school days.
“Ah right, I remember now!”
“You were always at my matches but we never approached each other”
“Well I was shy in high school you know”
“Good point. I still have treatment so I’ll see you around then. Bye Luda” she says standing up from her seat
Luda was focusing on Jiyeon until she saw the same woman she and Dayoung saw two months ago.
Who is that woman?
——————
One month later
“Time flies huh, like seven months ago you didn’t even know who your mother was and today is your last treatment?” Luda says
“It wouldn’t have been this easy without you Luda” Jiyeon smiles, Luda’s favorite smile.
“I don’t know if this is weird but, I would like you to meet Hyunjung, she’s my girlfriend”
girlfriend?
“You have a girlfriend?“ Luda asks, trying to not come out as rude
“Yeah, I remembered it two weeks ago. My brain really is fucked up for forgetting her” Jiyeon chuckles
“Jiyeon”
They both turned to the woman.
Her? The woman who was always spying on us?
“Ah, Luda, this is Hyunjung, my girlfriend”
“I’m Hyunjung” the girl introduces herself
Luda was speechless. She couldn’t think properly.
“Oh- I’m Luda, Lee Luda”
“Thank you so much, Luda, for helping her”
Hyunjung shows her gratitude to the young doctor.
“We’ll go now Luda, thank you for everything”
Jiyeon hugs Luda one last time.
——————
“Hey, are you okay?” Dayoung sits beside Luda
“I’m... fine” Luda tries to hold back her tears
“Hey, I’m here you can tell me things,” Dayoung said as she patted Luda’s back
And that was the last straw for Luda. Her tears started to fall.
“I broke my word Dayoung. I got too attached” Dayoung hugged her friend from the side.
Luda rarely cried. Dayoung knew that. Dayoung also knew that whenever Luda cries, it would be the most painful cry you’ll hear.
“It's fine Luda, just cry it out.”
*ring ring*
Luda answered her phone, clearing her voice before talking.
“This is Lee Luda”
“Is Dayoung with you?”
“Yes she is”
“Okay, good come quick. We have an emergency surgery”
The call ended and Luda wiped her tears.
“Who was that?”
“It was Dr. Park, let’s go we have a surgery to watch”
They both got up and rushed to the OR. As if nothing happened, as if Luda’s heart wasn’t broken into a million pieces.
I have to train myself to separate my matters from work.
——————
6 years later
“Luda can you cover my shift tonight? I have a date” Dayoung asked
“With who this time?”
“Lee Yeoreum, from Pediatric department”
“Fine I’ll cover for you”
“You’re the best I love you!!” Dayoung hugged then kissed Luda on her head
“I know that”
“You know everything”
“Exactly”
“I’ll go now, byee” Dayoung said before leaving
——————
“They should make this cafeteria 24/7” Luda sighed
“You’re right, They should”
Luda turned to see who it was. And she wishes she didn’t. Cause after all these years, she didn’t think that seeing her again for the first time would bring back all the pain she suffered.
“Long time no see, Lee Luda”
“Same goes for you…. Kim Jiyeon”
“Do you still like Vanilla Latte?” She asked offering her the Latte
“Yes, I still like it”
——————
“What are you doing here Jiyeon?”
“I got my mom checked up, she’s been a bit forgetful these days”
Luda didn’t speak, she just nodded.
“How long has it been? 5 or 6 years? How are you?” Jiyeon asked
“I’m fine, it’s been 6 years huh? I was an Intern but now I’m a resident” Luda forced herself to smile.
“I would like to thank you for all the things you did for me and my mom, thanks to you my father is now in jail. I’m really thankful for you Luda” Jiyeon smiles and Luda tries to smile back.
There was silence between the two. Not a comfortable but not an uncomfortable one too. It was just, plain silence.
It's now or never
“You don’t have to reply but I just need to get this out of my chest” Luda starts.
“I liked you back in high school, I also liked you when I was helping you regain your memories. Even now, it's been years but I still like you. I know confessing now even though I know you have a girlfriend is weird but, I just have to let go of my feelings and this is the only way to do it” Luda finishes
“I have a confession to make too”
“I liked you too when you were helping me. But then Hyunjung made me remember. That day, the last day we saw each other, I felt terrible. I gave you false hope. I couldn’t sleep properly for months. I always thought, should I leave Hyunjung and run back to you?” Jiyeon gulped, holding back her tears.
“For a year, I always found myself standing at the entrance of the Hospital, trying to get a glimpse of you but I couldn’t. I’m quite thankful that I didn’t see you because if I did, I would’ve run back to you with no hesitation.”
Both of them were now fighting back their tears.
“Tell me Jiyeon, if we had this conversation years ago, do you think we had a chance?” Luda asked as her tears fell.
“Yeah, I did think we had a chance” Jiyeon managed to say without crying.
The two of them sat in silence, both trying to hold back their sobs.
“I have to go now Luda, It was nice seeing you again.”
“Yeah, it was nice.. seeing you again.”
Then Jiyeon left. She finds this pain familiar. But she felt free. She felt like after a long time, her heart could breathe properly.
Free at last.