Chapter Text
Rhys landing in night court after leaving under the mountain.
I winnowed directly above the house of wind. My wings flared out on instinct but not enough to stop my knees scraping the ground as I crashed into Mor’s open arms.
I knew Cassian and Azriel would be nearby. Before I sent the Tug on the bond to see Feyre one more time I had spoken to them mind to mind letting them know I was on my way home. Mor saw me shattering in a way I’d never broken before and she winnowed us to the townhouse and sent a flicker of her power to lock the door allowing us to be completely alone.
There were 50 years of things I needed to tell her… wanted to tell … but all that came out was.
“She’s my mate”
my voice broke as my body fell into bone shattering sobs.
Time passed…
I couldn’t tell her what happened … I didn’t have it in me to say everything out loud so I let Mor into my mind so she could see.
When she exited my mind she hauled me up to my feet and walked me to my bed. She laid beside me like we did as children .
“Mor… she thinks I’m
A monster… I did horrible things under the mountain she will never forgive me… she… she did unspeakable things just to save tamlin…. She loves him…enough to wreck her soul … yet I’m nothing but a monster…” I whispered finally able to voice some of what swirled in my mind
“You have every right to bring her here …you can show her what you're like when you're not a prisoner yourself.“ she said.
“I can’t… Mor…” I stammered
“Why the hell not Rhysand… she’s your mate… do you think for one second that Tamin with that temper of his can care for her the way you can. “
“I love her. “ I interrupted. Mor went still with shock.
“Mor.. I love her , but she’s in love with him… I love her enough that if she is happy with him then I won’t do anything to stop it … I can’t .” My voice trailed off and she looked at me as deeply as I could since her gift was finding the truth. I’d had lovers a few I truly cared about , but never, not once had I been in love, even considered saying those words to any female and Mor knew. It took a while before she spoke again.
“You are not a monster… you never could be … we will figure this out .. all of us together… “ she sounded almost as broken as I felt searching for words to fix me.
The objection to her words lay on my tongue when she continued.
“Sleep… Rhys. Sleep then start a plan tomorrow…” She said lovingly and I closed my eyes.
I woke as dawn had crested the mountains, Mor sleeping softly beside me. I felt numb but I forced myself to Get out of bed . I tucked the covers tighter around Mor kissing her temple. I got a long hot bath and dressed comfortably. I trudged down to the kitchen. As I reached the bottom step a pair of wings shadowed the frosted glass of the front door. I sent a tendril of my power opening it for Cassain who charged at me full speed knocking me back into the wall locked in a hug that could break ribs.
“Good to have you back Brother. “ he said as
Az strolled in just behind him and clapped a hand on my shoulder. I suspect that one of the twins was responsible for their arrival as well as the full breakfast already laid out for the three of us.
“It’s good to be back… I missed you both .” I’m not sure that simple statement conveyed everything I needed it to but looking between both their hazel eyes I knew they understood.
We sat down to breakfast… Cassain and azriel shovinging in eggs and porridge as fast as they could . I ate some but mostly just sipped my tea . Cassian finished the last bit of eggs on his plate.
“You look like hell Rhys. I bet I could whip your ass with both hands tied behind my back.” Cassian smirked . I looked over to Az who looked like he was about to kick him under the table . I knew I was out of shape but I’ll be damned if I let Cassian know that.
“ Is that a challenge Cass?” I let a flicker of a smirk show on my face.
“Last one to the ring buys drinks tonight” Az added as the shadows swirled around him. “And 50 gold marks on Cassian bleeding in ten minutes. “ Cassain gave him a vulgar gesture while bolting for the door.
“ No cheating either of you bastards … wings only…” plates were clattering behind us as both Az raced behind him hot on his heels, neither of us cheating and winnowing for once.
I was so much more out of shape than I thought. But doing everything not to let it show . Thank the mother, That Mor showed up a few hours later hungry, demanding we get lunch. Also distracting Cassian while they bicker about where to eat …
Az and I were locked in a match blade to blade.
“Next hit wins.” I said knowing his competitive nature would take over . He flew at me with absolute brute force totally unexpectedly. Az was fast as hell,but brute force was not his style. He was graceful in a fight, almost elegant.
“Spit it out Az.” I commanded. Something was eating at him for him to break form like that. Though I knew him, deciding to actually tell me was unlikely . He whipped his leg out faster than I could catch the movement and I fell flat on my back knocking the wind out of me. He threw a wall of shadows around us effectively blocking all sound. And leaned down into my face like I’d watch him do when carving truth out of an enemy.
“ Don’t do any bull shit like that again. You could have trusted any one of us to go with you and it would have never gone down like that and you damn well know it. You think you're the only one who can Make sacrifices, the only one who can take on the consequences but you're wrong… you bound our hands … you took away our choice to help you …the guilt of losing you nearly shedded us apart.“ he finished. His voice was cold as the darkest night but he reached out his scarred hand to help me up off the ground .
“ I know.” Was all I could respond to but he understood everything I wasn’t fully saying. I clapped my hand to his shoulder. I wanted to hug him close but Az would not appreciate the gesture, he would never be like Cassian or mor and relish open affection …he had too many traumas in his past …but I felt the soft wind of his shadows dance around my hand still on his shoulder up my wrist and forearm before retreating to between his wings. I’ve only felt his shadows a few times in our history. My heart warmed and his face opened as we joined cass and mor .
After so much time under the mountain there was a lot of work to be done to regain control of my court. I was thankful for the distraction during the day and had become so accustomed to wearing masks this new one wasn’t a huge adjustment . Nights however left me rattled either with my own nightmares or a front row seat to Ferye’s I could feel her pain and loneliness shooting down the bond into my heart like an ash arrow. I had my own demons to deal with but I had my family. Cassian helped me work out my frustrations either in the training rings or chasing down some of the ilk in my court that was wicked enough to support Aramantha. Armen an Az keep me driven with following up on leads I discovered under the mountain, I wasn’t a fool I knew our courts were weakened and that someone would come sniffing around to try and take us down before we could rebuild. Mor with her endless effervescents knew I wasn’t fully myself , truthfully I’m sure the others did too but she was the only one brazen enough to call me out on my bull shit behavior.
I was sitting up on the rooftop patio of the town house swirling a glass of very old whiskey when Mor breezed into the chair beside me.
“ Are you planning on telling Cassian why you want to get shitfaced with him tomorrow? “ she asked
“ Have I ever needed an excuse to get shitfaced with Cassian. “ i hedged.
“ it’s Tamlin and Ferye’s wedding tomorrow. I know you sent Az to check on her even if you told him it was for another reason , it’s hurting you to be away from her …Rhys please. Do something for you… for her…'' she held out her hand and put it on my shoulder. I tilted my head on it, feeling the warm of her in the chilly night air.
“ I can feel her through the bond…” I said looking into her concerned face.
“ I know she has nightmares, and self hatred… but she wants to marry him… if I force the bond on her just for my own happiness I’m no better than my father… I’m no better than aramanta …, , I won’t be that male.” I willed the tears threatening to form back.
“ Rhysand…” she said, making me shutter at her use of my full name with that tone on her voice.
“ no Mor. Whatever you want to say, don't.” I stood up and walked away back to my bedroom and slammed my door shut.
I had hoped to start drinking at dawn hoping to be utterly obliterated by sunset when the wedding would start but Cassian had gotten tied up setting down a few clans who were getting antsy and testing boundaries after 50 years of thinking they could skirt the rules I had laid down. By the time Cassian was walking up the path to the front door it was nearly sundown, and my mood was bitter and brooding . And I could tell his wasn’t much better. Before he could even sit down, I coasted a full glass of whiskey on a night kissed wind.
He slugged a long sip sinking hard into the sofa beside me. Just as I was taking my first sip I felt the bond… I felt her start to panic … I tugged frantically on the bond but no response. I looked over at Cassian who had clearly noticed my mood shift. He raised an eyebrow at me then before I could answer his question he had not yet asked …the bond ripped open into my mind.
“Help me, help me, help me.” My mate screamed and every instinct in my body flamed inside me at once And winnowed to her.
I wrapped myself in darkness seeing no immediate threat like a Naga… it hit me … “no” she had said… the wedding… she was saying no… my casual Attire morphed to my immaculate formal black.
“Hello, Feyre darling.” I purred . Thankfully I had not had but one small sip of liquor so I was fully aware of how shattered I felt, still processing , still remembering who I was past my primal instinct screaming to protect my Mate. My darkness was still pooling around me. I saw her, she was thin… so thin I could count her bones below miles of hideous taffeta. Her hands gloved to hide the bargain … the very thing I needed now giving me license to take her To night court… I had not yet called in our bargain, had resolved to let her live as long as she was happy but she cried out for help… the bargain… thank the mother for my wickedness… I wanted nothing more than to wrap her in my love and care right here in front of everyone … but that bargain meant I could take her to night court… make her safe … give her peace…at last … I turned to Tamlin … his sentry backing down with a flick of my hand not wanting to test the high lord of night court. The mask slipped into place and I put my hands in my pockets
“ What a pretty little wedding .” I crooned at Tamlin in his wedding tunic, for once the beast he preferred totally hidden behind his finery. Ferye had just denied him in front of his entire court . Taking her away for the week wasn’t just my desire , tamlin would needs likely more than that just to cool that violent temper.
“Get the hell out” Tamlin growled at me as the beast within showed its claws. I could mist him for how thin Ferya was alone…..
“ not when I need to call in my bargain with Ferya Darling.” I said with a small menacing chuckle. . I had to get her out, and I had to do it without a fight from Tamlin if there was any hope of hear seeing past the monster .
“You try and break the bargain and you know what will happen.” I said smoothly hoping to avoid the threatening tone I felt . And turned to Ferye.
“ I gave you three months of freedom. You could at least look happy to see me. “ I said flatly, hopping… for what … I don’t know what I was hoping for really…. Hope didn’t belong to us.
“I’ll be taking her now. “ I said . To no one I’m preticual I was too focused on Ferye's condition to care .
“Don’t you dare.” Tamlin snarled and finally moved towards me. that snarl…. All long standing hatred boiled inside me.
“Was I interrupting? I thought it was over.” I smiled at Ferye, with feral amusement basking in Tamlin embarrassment “ at least Ferye seemed to think so” I purred.
Tamlin only snarled. “ let us finish the ceremony.” … Yes, so you can lock her away in that manor , drowning in her grief, while you do nothing but claim to love her, yet actually can’t see her suffering. Or worse willfully ignore it … I had enough …I had to get her out, she was all that mattered and she didn’t need to see me Mist tamlin in front of her .
“ your high priestess seems to think so too.” Predictable, Ianthe I thought.
Tamilin was reaching out to Ferye but everything about his posture spoke to possession, not love or care… this sniveling bastard tried to bargain with me… no doubt it would have worked to my advantage especially with the possibility of war looming , but I was in no mood…to care beyond Ferye… I linked elbows with Ferya
“Hold on” and we winnowed away.
…………………………..
After ferye walked to her bedroom I sulked towards mine to think… Mor unexpectedly greeted me in the hallway .
“That went well.” She grinned with wicked delight.
“don’t you have work to do, Mor. “I said as I trudged past her heading to my bedroom but she stopped me with her next statement.
“You scared the shit out of Cassian by the way …”
“Shit…” I said as I thought I didn’t need anyone else knowing what Ferye was … I didn’t think about what bringing her here would reveal… Mor knew only because I told her … Armen would guess it almost in a heartbeat… Az might already suspect based on my questions about his visit to spring court… Cassain and Ferye were so similar… they would be fast friends… so would her and Mor… I Thought as mor continued.
“….. he’s far more tuned to everyone’s emotions than even you give him credit for sometimes…he hasn’t bought for one second that your ok.. he knows you're breaking… he flew up to the house of wind after you winnowed so fast you let a glass of whisky shatter on floor … you're lucky he found me before he found Az .Rhys…tell us how to help you … tell us what you need … if not me … tell cassian … or Az or damn it even Armen… but stop pretending you're ok.” She reached out her hand and placed it on my shoulder.
“ I can't tell her what I am , she’s not ready for that, she's… too thin… too… broken …” I felt a shudder in my body . “ I don’t know how to help her … please Mor … the bargain is nothing … I would have saved her if she hadn’t made it but she needed to not be alone … and I feared Aramabtha would find out what I thought… that if she knew there was any possibility she was my mate she would kill her… if she had died under that mountain I would have died with her just so she wouldn’t be alone … she not getting better she’s not even trying to … she’s more broken than she was then … I don’t know what to do…” my voice broke and all I could do was look at her.
“stay with us here this week Mor. But don’t tell her about the bond… tell me how to help her” I said, “ I’ll talk to cassian.”
And winnowed to the veranda and reached out to his mind to explain.
…………………………..
I winnowed to just above the house of wind. Even though I told him the barest basics of what and why I had disappeared a week ago I knew I couldn’t avoid him any longer . My wings flared behind me and I touched down on the Veranda. Cassian was eating breakfast and almost didn’t deign me a glance up from his food. I knew he was pissed but this was more than I’d expected. I walked over and joined him at the table.
“ Are you going to keep pretending and tell me that you decided to interrupt Tamlin's wedding for petty revenge and some bullshit bargain you made under the mountain? Are you going to start that same shifty bull shit you did like before that party“ he said around a mouth full of scrambled eggs.
“ I think she has powers hidden and could be vital in having sway over other high lords… “ I hedged not wanting to tell him more than necessary. “ I told you I felt something… like a flicker of my power only it wasn’t … mine. Like what if in making her we gave her more than we intended… I wanted to know if her power could be dangerous to us all … could tamlin turn my own power against me.” I looked up hoping he saw the truths I’ve told him and not the lies hidden behind it.
“ you think war is coming… Hybern?… why…?” He sat up fully and looked at me shifting from my brother to my general.
“ the courts are all weekend , I just feel like someone may see this as too good of an opportunity not to take… Tamlin has old Alliances with the King…I personally want to know what he’s up to… A woman who can defeat the Wym is not a subservient breeding mare…but that’s what Tamlin is showing the courts… if we can uses the bargain I made to gain insight we might avoid conflict …and see what Tamlin is really up too.“
I knew Cassian's long open wounds would temper his flame … the words felt vile on my tongue but Cassian's anger I could direct and wield… it was a balm but it would have to do for now.
“Tamlin’s a beast, everyone knows that…but can you trust this girl …something doesn't add up right . There’s something you're not telling me. “ he said, eyes narrowing.
“ she broke the curse…I used her as bait for tamlin to unleash that beast of his under the mountain when I didn’t have many options … you will see if you meet her, just trust me… It was also rather fun seeing Tamlin seething all resplendent while his guests nearly trampled themselves to get away from me..” I eyed him behind my tea I had just poured. With a mask of pure feline delight . His eyes narrowed but he laughed genuinely.
“Arrogant bastard.” He chuckled.
……………………………………………………………………………………………
I was in a living hell… I felt nothing… Nothing was worse than nightly nightmares. I found myself tugging on the bond occasionally just to see if she was still alive. I hid my pain with brooding and moodiness and got in more than one fight with Cassian just to try and work out my frustrations. I was in a meeting with the governors of my court when all out terror burned though the bond ripping at my mind like a Fillet knife. I sunk my fists into the table in front of me, nearly flipping the Centuries old heavy oak table. Mor rushed to my aid distracting the governors away from my break from reality. I excused myself momentarily and once the worst of the pain had passed I returned to the meeting as I’d nothing had happened thanks solely to mor.
Once the meeting adjourned, Mor cornered me forcing an explanation.
“ What was that about… and I sware on the mother if you say nothing I’m going to have Az through you in a cell and intergate you like a common criminal. “ she fumed.
“ That piece of shit lost his temper at her shattering part of the manor around them… she is fine now from what I can feel. So it was nothing. “ I finished shoving past her.
“ What is your plan Rhys… are you just going to hold her to the bargain forever till grief slowly eats you alive…it can’t continue and you know it… release her for your own good, or tell her about the bond … but do something. ``Mor said, dropping all her anger and shifting to a soothing motherly tone.
“ I…, I’d rather have her hatred than nothing…” I floundered and I winnowed away before she could respond. I didn’t winnow far, just far enough so I could fly… I flew around the city for hours just lost in my own thoughts.
What was I going to do… I didn’t have any answers. I flew till I was too exhausted for even one more beat of my wings and winnowed into my bed, not even taking off my clothes, just sleep.
Time passed slowly till the night before I could take her back to night court.I fell into an uneasy sleep.
A single Long nail slid down the faintly marked skin where my wings emerge from… even with them tucked into the shadows the caress makes my skin crawl and feel like I need to vomit. just being that close to part of me I would never let her or any female see or touch sicken me… but I can’t let it show… I feel the backs of my knees hit the bed behind me… it’s more prison than anything else. The red sheets feel like razors dragged across my skin as she pushes me into the center of the bed. My hatred threatens to show on my face but I clamp down into the dregs of my remaining power… feel the magic take hold of my body willing it to meet her demands of me. It feels like a perversion of my power that the mother or the cauldron will never forgive me for… allowing my powers to force my body to be turned on by her… there’s no other way I tell myself… I knew my willfulness alone wouldn’t allow my body to naturally submit to her so I had corrupted the powers within me to make sure she felt pure lust and desire, I tricked my own mind, no matter how sick it made me feel afterwards… suddenly my wings flew out from their shadows… Her voice dripped with malice in my ear… “Rhysand dear, you thought I forgot what you are… what illyarins are born loving the most…” she slid that blood red nail down the membrane of my wing slicing it all the while using my own powers she stole to control my mind… With every thrust inside her she cut my wings with her nails… leaving my wings in ribbons … she found the place within my wings that made me slam into her to the hilt with a final thrust … while I spilled into her she severed my wings center tendon cauterized it with stolen fire sealing in the gaping hole taking the sky away from me forever…
I woke up just before dawn, drenched in sweat night swirling around the room… I snap my fingers and my fine attire appears. I know I should bathe but Ferye … is all I can think about even after the unsettling nightmare. I winnowed to the cobblestone path in front of rose hall. Tamlin had never been a master at wards, the ones around the manor were little more than soap bubbles … I winnowed into the hallway just beyond her bedroom door startling a servant. I heard the door to the bedroom open. Tamlin emerged I assume expecting his breakfast service from his servant. He was naked, I could smell Ferye on his skin, making stomach churn…
“Alis…” he stared before he fully saw me “bastard” he shut the door in my face only to emerge seconds later clothed but still pulling a tunic over his head.
“Get out!” Tamlin growled when he had finished adjusting himself inches from my face. Moments later Ferye peeked out of the bedroom door… my smile at seeing her again faltered … she was dangerously thin… hollow, sunken,her hair and skin were so dull, her bones so protruding that it didn’t even register that she was naked… I felt sick, helpless, and full of rage.
“Ferye” I rasped out… I had lost my ability to control my concern… “ Are you running low on food here?” I truly didn’t expect Tamlin's confusion but upon hearing his reply…”His tone implied he genuinely didn’t see, or at the very least care about her state…
“Let’s go.” I ground out. As I extended my hand hoping she would take it willingly… hoping somewhere the bond , or anything would let her take my hand, take the lifeline I was offering her …. Not the bargain but genuine love… consern… care… anything… I willed my entire being …everything I wanted to give her into that outstretched hand…if she’d only take it.
It was Tamlin who moved, who got in my face again, this blite telling me she would come when she was ready… my rage boiled, but I needed to get Ferye out more than ever… the mask of the night court emerged. Unsure if I could continue to contain my rage I picked at a non existent piece of lint from his shirt… nothing but cold arrogance sweeping from me…Ferye dropped her mental shield and i almost chuckled.
“ no, you wouldn’t have. As far as your memory serves me, the last time Tamlin teeth were near your throat you slapped him across the face.” I wanted to slap him too.
“Shut your mouth “ Tamlin said, the look on his face enraged as if I had violated her somehow . I stepped back appalled he could even rationalize that he wasn’t hurting her. He was killing her by keeping her guarded night and day, but couldn’t even be bothered to ward his manor properly… he was not only killing her he was doing nothing to keep her safe beyond armed guards…armed guards are nothing in this world.
“You really should have your wards inspected … cauldron knows what kind of riff raff might stroll in here as easily as I did.” I looked to Ferye pleading in my eyes that she would see, even a fraction of what I see, what I feel… anything. I wanted to push Tamlin into the wall and scoop her up and fly her away…. Safe in my arms in the sky I loved to see if the sky could bring her the same joy but my breath hitched she was naked under a blanket , and I wouldn’t touch her like that.
“ Put some clothes on” I stated …she tuned and shut the door only for Tamlin to follow and slam it hard enough to rock half the manor. I sent a tendril of my power into that room, if that beast came out, if he even put one claw near her I’d kill him. I didn’t need to use my power, I could hear them almost perfectly.
She had talked to him about my plans… she wanted him to make amends … clearly she didn’t know much of our history. He was so demeaning of her… how could she not see the way he spoke to her… she was lesser than him… I couldn’t take it. I coughed loudly enough to get their attention.
She came to my side, I looked into her blue gray eyes fully for the first time and my heart shattered… she had lost her fight… I knew I felt her hollowness, I saw her sunken skin, her lifeless hair, her grief staved body… but seeing nothing of that spirit … her eyes shattered me almost as much as hearing her neck snap… I didn’t care to school my face into anything so I have no idea what she saw … I gave my hand to her. Only to have Tamlin shove it away from her.
“ you end her bargain right here , right now, and I’ll give you anything you want.” He said foolishly. There was nothing I wanted from him. Save for Ferye happiness and he couldn’t grant me that. Before I could respond Ferye shocked me.
“ Are you out of your mind?” She asked Tamlin… She knew fae bargains and whether she said it knowing what a fool he was to say it or if she had a will to fight I didn’t care … I saw a flicker of something in that question…an ember… of that spirit… if cared for could be a fire again.
“ I already have everything I want.” Stepped around Tamlin and winnowed us to night court.
…………………………..……………………………………………………
“ What the hell happened to you?” The words tore from my lips before I’d even finished winnowing us to night court. I felt devastated seeing her so thin… how I had failed my mate… how could I have let her lose the will to live… but then I knew … I knew she saw me as a monster… when the true monster held her heart no matter how much it was killing her… I had utterly failed her .
“ Eat breakfast with me.” I palled if she said no I would hit my knees and beg her…just to eat, just to keep living . She twisted her pants , making me shutter at how loose they were.
“ don’t you have better things to do ?” She asked . Better than you my dearest Ferye I thought … better than loving you… better than fixing this…
“ Of course I do,” I said, trying one last attempt to light that fire.
“ I sometimes have so many things to deal with that I’m sometimes tempted to unleash my powers across the world and just wipe the board clean” … thinking starting with Tamlin of course … she didn’t even recoil from the mention of how vast my powers were and that barely a thread was keeping them leashed right now. “ just to buy me some damn peace of mind “ I thought of how Tamlin talked down to her this morning and gave something of myself to her. I bowed to her. Deeply and true. “ but I’ll always make time for you .” For you… offer my heart, my soul, my crown… anything … can’t you see what I was laying at your feet my darling …if anyone in my inner circle saw this moment they would shutter. She simply motioned towards the direction of the dining room. My knees wobbled as she followed behind me.
I pushed her throughout the meal and most of that day … I tried to Will her to save herself … but I pushed too far … I may not fully be the monster I was but I know she’s too broken to let me in enough to save her …I know I’m too close to the edge to fully control myself …. I forced myself all through my lonely dinner to think… I tried to think like Cassian who always seemed to know when to push and when to pull back… I shifted though all the stored pieces of her mind I knew … the sentries … she had set off Tamlin Anger telling him she was drowning being watched night and day never getting a moment to herself …
“The house is yours, Send word if you need me.”
Nothing…
Time passed.
Nothing….
Time passed slower than I ever could have thought possible…
Time passed.
The twins had been updating me every day. I wasn't really away, the house was big enough that I could disappear within it and she never knew I was here. I needed to talk to her before letting her go back to tamlin, But I found myself watching her .
She was reading , almost done with a book… a full book not just words or phrases… she was sitting in a shaft of buttery sunlight, the gleam caught the strands of her hair, starting to show a flicker of shine. Her clothes fit better, she was still far too thin, this week had not improved her body as much as her last visit… even fae healing took time and it was …not enough…what would happen in another month. I knew what I should do , I knew what Mor wanted me to do…. I could not follow the path that was right and release her from the bargain, nor could I damn her with me. I snapped my magic and two dinner plates appeared. I carried them to her.
“Tell me what to do, tell me what will help you.” I could feel my powers ebbing out into the room, I could sense my wings coming from the shadows, I was utterly unbound before this woman… I was standing before her with no mask, hand outstretched with everything I am, everything in my court, my lands, everything if she would just tell me… trust me enough to let me kindle that ember of life left into the flame it should be.
Nothing … nothing.
“ months and months and you're still a ghost…. Does no one there ask you what the hell is happening.” My throat was raw, the words dry and scraping .
Still nothing …
“Does your high lord simply not care” I couldn’t force my tongue to say Tamlin, to say his name made him less of a beast.
“ He's giving me space to sort it out,” she said.
Fuck… my mind stilled to a forced stop…. Cauldron damn me. . Fuck…I thought … was he really willing to let her fade into nothing… would he’d let her fade till there was nothing before he offered anything of himself to help her up… how stupid I felt that I tried the same thing… my own words to mor came like a guy punch … alone… she needed not to be alone… dammit … What an idiot I was this week.
“Let me help you… we went through enough under the mountain “ she flichend but I pressed on “ she wins, that Bitch wins if you let yourself… fall apart.” I was falling apart… with my own words. She looked at me and I think she saw I was a mess too.
“Conversation over” she blasted down the bond… I got too close, she saw behind the mask and she finally flinched. What frightened her I don’t know… but I lost my temper. She shown her powers… at least some of them… maybe she had more. I can since my darkness , at least I think I can. I can't be sure with the bond, and bargain unless I see more… ice and flame …it hit like a brick to the head… maybe it wasn’t just grief killing her … Damnit Tamlin… rat bastard. He has been condescending her, telling her to heal in peace… suppressing her power could be the root of her pain… the insanity suppression brings…. I knew it well … I’d shattered enough siphons in my youth to uniquely understand the cost of having that much magic in your veins and the torment of keeping it restricted . Armen I needed armen.
The next morning I winnowed just outside the manor, Tamlin waited for us in the shade of a large tree. Tamlin sneered at me with hatred… I let the coldest night shape my face. He braked at Ferye “ get inside.” The woman he wanted to marry ,claimed to love, had been gone for a week and he ordered her away before anything else… I seethed as I sized him up. But now was not the time. “Fight it “ I said to Ferye, pure command in my voice. And winnowed directly to Armens' apartment .
“ What are you doing here at this ungodly hour Boy?” She barked from her bed in the corner.
“ Is it possible to teach someone to use their magic without doing magic?” I asked .
“Knock knock” she said,
“What?” I was confused.
“ we’re telling jokes and riddles right… you're supposed to say who’s there?” She said, raising her brow at me.
“Armen, Ferye has powers, elemental gifts from her making, she has fire and ice… even some of my night… maybe others.” I spilled it to her.
“ teach her how to use them then, what was that nonsense about doing Magic without doing magic. “. She said flatly.
“ She's too afraid of the magic , but not using it is eating at her as much as the grief. I wanted to know if there was a way to help her use her magic without her knowing she’s using magic to help her . “ I collapsed into the armchair beside me.
“ What do you care that Tamlins bride is consumed by guilt and her powers? Let her be Tamlins problem boy.” She said as she opened the door to her apartment . “ Now if you don’t mind, I’m going back to sleep .”
“She’s my mate” I squeaked out. Arman slammed her door and turned her silver eyes at me. Stunned … I didn’t know she could be stunned; merely surprised is only something I’ve seen a few times in the centuries.
“Caldron, boy. Why do you keep bringing her back to Tamlin? She belongs here. “ she said, still standing by the door.
“She loves him… Armen… and I love her too much to shackle her to me.” I said putting my head into my hands.
“ your 100x the male Tamlin is. “ she said and walked over to a large book, opening it before both of us.
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Armen helped me comb through a few volumes of understanding magics needed for release… none were remotely helpful for ferye… It did however make me more thankful yet again that Azriels magic didn’t kill him locked in that basement.
Having given myself both a timeline and a reason that wasn’t purely selfish to keep Ferye in the bargain I felt better than I had in months . My goal was to help her work off the strain of her magic like the damper on mine … enough to keep the insanity at bay and then hope that things improved. I would spend the next week teaching her then one more week to see if it helped . I had an inclination that if it didn’t she likely wouldn’t make it to that second week but didn’t allow myself to think about it .
Mor and I were at lunch along the river enjoying a rare unseasonably sunny day. It wasn’t warm but it was full sun and Mor never missed any chance to be in the sun.
“You're better, Rhys.” Mor noted “ something happen with Ferye the last visit?” She questioned.
“Not everything in my life revolves around Ferye.” I quibbled.
“Lier” she chided. And almost as if mentioning her name opened the bond … something was wrong… I could feel her but I couldn’t make sense of what I felt. Her shields were down but all I could since was cold and fire and night.
“Mor… somethings wrong … with …”
“Ferye … I know I see it in your face.”
I forced myself through the darkness… , fire, ice, wind, tearing at my powers… clawed at everything till I found the words … her words “locked me up.”
“Mor…he’s locked her in the manor.” I winnowed to her.
I landed just outside the manor. I could feel the flimsy shield he put over the manor. I shattered the shield just as Mor landed in front of me blocking my path.
“You know the laws, Rhys… I’ll get her… by the book Rhys. “ she said.
“Summer.“ I ground out and winnowed to the doorway of summer in the once sacred mountain to wait for Mor and Ferye.
I heard Ferye thrashing not realizing till then that mor was carrying her… my heart plummeted till I heard mor voice
“Your free, your free” mor calmly said . As she finally emerged from the cave into the summer court field.
Ferye looked like she had been starving for a month or more but it had been days. I growled at how much I hated seeing her this way as mor passed her frail body into my waiting arms . She felt even thinner in them… she was light as a Feather.
“ I did everything by the book,” mor added.
“ Then we are done here” I wrapped her in a soft night to calm her fears. I could still feel her fear in the bond. I Let my magic be a lullaby to lull her to sleep. I winnowed us to the palace again . But I didn’t take her to her room he had locked her up … I went to the veranda that was the most open room in the palace I placed her on the sofa sleeping softly. I brushed back her hair letting it linger in my fingers and summoned a chair from across the room and waited and watched her sleep. I counted her breaths, counted her heartbeats … if she had a nightmare I would pull her out with my mind . Her shields were down completely but I did not pry. I simply counted while I watched the sun coast across the sky . The twins and Mor both checked on me but I dismissed them both .
I’d sat still long enough that even the ache in my muscles didn’t register. She finally was awake . No nightmares, thank the mother. I blinked and I felt the icey rage I’d been entombed disappear, wanting to be open to Ferye and ease her fears.
“What happened?” She asked. Her voice was very horse… I sent a tendril of my power down to the kitchen to summon her some tea.
“ you were screaming… you managed to scare the shit out of every servent and sentry in Tamlins manor when you wrapped yourself in darkness and couldn’t see you.” I said plainly. I watched her face, listened to her heart to see if I could since any panic or power as she processed.
“Did I hurt any—“ she asked I immediately cut in.
“No. Whatever you did, it was contained to you.” I stated.
“You weren’t…” she asked and I felt my knees wobble… she may still see me as a monster but somewhere in her she knew I’d protect her… she may not yet understand the bond … but she knew I’d be there.
“By law and protocol .” I said stretching my legs out, feeling the hours of stillness aching now that she was awake. I told her about Mor rescue hopeing she would understand she was free . Take Mor’s words to heart.
“When I go back…” she said…. I failed to keep the bite out of voice.
“ as your presence here isn’t part of our monthly requirement , you are under no obligation to go back. “ I snapped. Rubbing my temple to ease some of the tension before adding .” Unless you want to.” . I willed her to understand that I would do anything for her, but she would not be a begger. She had been a begger in the human world … I offered her again to work with us… not because she needed to earn her keep but I knew working with us would work off the strain of not only her powers but also challenge her mind… and I hoped she find a spark of the woman she could grow into. The one with powers of 7 courts… the woman I loved beyond measure. I gave her the tea when I sensed it was finished . Some of her curiosity finaly emerged as she begin to accept the sudden upheaval in her life. My mind wandered while we talked… I wanted her not only to accept working with my inner circle but I wanted to show here s life she’d never known…and a small , selfish, part of me wanted to prove Tamlin was wrong for her… I knew I would fight to win her heart… see if I could make her fall in love with me… by showing her everything I was. It hit me… valaris…. I wanted to show her valaris… I knew I needed agree to protect valaris before I could show her…. Then another the idea hit me…
“ rest a day or two , Ferye. Then take on the task of figuring out everything else… I have buisness in another part of my lands… I’ll be back by the end of the week.” I tried to hide my plea … play with me… Ferye… play with me. She looked bone weary, I saw her mentally talling staying along this week at the house atop my nightmare court … she wasn’t ready… I thought.
“Take me with you.” She asked. Thank the mother . I almost hit my knees and kissed her knuckles she played right into my hands… it was still a risk to trust her with the secret of valaris but my gift may not be like mors truth I knew … I just knew in my bones I could trust her .
I explained what going with me ment, what secret she would have to keep.
“Where are we going?” She asked at last.
“ Valaris … city of starlight .”
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I never in a million years let myself imagine how it would feel to show Ferye my home… Valaris. Day by day I had promised her… life was emerging back into Ferye not just a will to live but life. She was falling in with my inner circle as I always hoped. She loved Mor… who couldn’t , though I did suspect some guilt at how much she thought of Mor as a sister when after meeting her sisters no such closeness existed. Cassian had become her friend and teacher . She found an immediate trust in him when he shared he understood her past in a way myself or Mor never would. They both were inclined to sharp tongues so I worried they would clash at some point but they perfed tag teaming … mostly at my expense. Her first impression of Azriel was like most, his shadows can be unnerving to those who are not used to them . He was always a male of few words but Ferye had accepted his aloofness without reproach, even seeking him out in a way I never expected when she asked him to carry her to the human lands … I knew Az wouldn’t outworldly show his discomfort at that much physical closeness but something passed between them that day I wondered if maybe his shadows told him about the bond … if they could sense it or if it was something just between them I didn’t ask but I could tell he had the same level connection he had with us. I knew my powers didn’t scare her but even Armens didn’t get a flicker of fear once they met. Whether it was both being made or something personal I didn’t care they accepted each other fully. It was more than I had ever let myself think about let alone live it… it was far from perfect but there were flashes that gave me hope… hope was something even if it was small and fragile.
I had entered the sparring Ring with Az knowing he needed to work off his frustrations at his failed first attempt to get into the Queens castle … Az rarely found a challenge to his spy work, so while I knew he enjoyed the challenge he was also fuming .
His shadow swept near my ear playfully sweeping towards where Ferye and Cassian were talking. I tuned into their conversation, noticing that Az had intentionally slowed down.
“We get the tattoos when we’re initiated as Illyrian warriors—for luck and glory on the battlefield.” Cass was telling her. Her shield was up but I could see from her face she was admiring us … a flicker of a smile from Az told me he knew it too.
“ You're enjoying the fact she’s watching you brother.” His shadow whispered in my ear. It always surprised me when he did that . Like a ventriloquist can throw their voice so too could he speak though his shadows.
“She’s watching you too.” I hedged low enough only he would hear.
“ perhaps… but “ I didn’t hear the end of what his shadow told me because I felt her anger flair up and heard cassian challenging her I could read his bantering tone but Ferye didn’t seam to think he was messing around I went into cassian's mind
“What did you say to her?” I asked him
“You're a busybody too.” And shut me out. I looked at Az. Though we kept sparing, he sent a shadow over between them Cassian flicked it away when he reached for Ferye's wrist, a clear indication that he knew what he was doing .
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve. Az only told me because I told him I needed to know for my own forces; to know what to expect. None of us … we don’t think it’s a joke. What you did was a hard call. A really damn hard call. It was just my shitty way of trying to see if you needed to talk about it. I’m sorry,” he said to her, dropping her arm. Cassian seldom apologized for any measure of pushing someone he rarely needed to because he could read people better than anyone I knew. He spoke loudly enough for me to hear it so he knew I was paying attention and glared at me when he set his hands into the pads for her to punch. I focused back on my duel with Az.
“ Let me get to that side” I huffed.
“Cassian's needs to know her limits … let him.” You said to yourself the more emotional she is, the more likely she is to lose control” he said, reminding me of a conversation from a few days ago. I pushed my way rather brutishly into his side to get to the side of the ring I wanted … I needed to watch her … my mating bond was screaming at me to protect her which it didn’t normally do around cassian. Az snarled at me but eased up our fight so I could focus . I felt the bond opening, felt her shields coming down and then it hit me worse than any blow of a knife. Everything she was feeling lit her fire. And she burned through the pad in Cassian's hands. I saw his siphon flair around his hands to protect his skin without ever dropping his hands.
“I’m alright” he said to her waiting for that punch. I realized then he would take it too, take fire, ice , wind darkness no matter what she needed to release …even if she beat him bloody… if it meant having a shot at her healing herself from what’s eating her inside. My heart broke in a million ways …everything from how much I loved and respected him for what he was doing… to how much I hated that she was broken enough he had to go that far to help her …but she never threw that punch with her fist but her words sucker punched us all.
“I killed them” her words bleeding out of her. My instincts moved me forward right into Azs outstretched arm blocking me, his siphon shining and him shaking his head no . She needed to get this out. I knew … Cassian was the right person to help her but still my heart bleed. Az looked me in the eye and I felt exposed. I’m almost certain any guess he may have about what she really is to me is clear now.
“It should have been me” she whimpered. And have no idea if I walked, flew, or winnowed to her. But I cocooned her in my wings “You will feel that way every day for the rest of your life…”
I heard Az and Cassian beginning to spar… they were clearly listening more than fighting but I thanked them for at least pretending that they were not shocked by my behavior. Wrapping her in my wings like that would shock any Illyrian. It was viewed as an intimate gesture and one that even well known mated pairs never displayed in public.
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cassian's pov while Rhys talks to Ferye
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My mouth stood gaping as I saw Rhys cocoon Ferye in his wings. I didn’t even catch the sword that Az threw at me as he started to spar With me .
“Your just going to pretend you're not seeing that ?” I knocked my head to where Rhys was. Az didn’t say anything, just kept circling wanting me to spar. I finally moved enough I could pick up the blade from the ground. And match him in the fight.
“Is she ?” I asked softly both of us pretending not to be eavesdropping every word between them as they banter in that cocoon.
“ …mates?….. I don’t know .. I know something's different with her…, ``Az said . I was hoping his shadows knew more but he didn’t fully have an answer either .
Az knocked out my breath getting a lucky hit in my ribs because I was still focused on Rhys and Ferye. Az looked them over and smiled a smile that rarely anyone but mor saw. He was happy for them… and it made my own heart twist at how much Rhys deserved to finally find love.
“…but she’s still in love with Tamlin… Or at least she’s not over tamlin. “ I huffed. Azs smile faltered.
“Love and mates are not always the same thing, Cass . We all know this. “ He added. Then a magic night swirled around us. A Soft glittering night… almost as if to answer our questions .. a lovers night filled the air. wrapped in that night … I knew then that…love… might not be enough to explain what he feels for her .
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