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The door opens with a bang, sounding like a gunshot, and James jumps to his feet as he turns to see who’s arrived unannounced.
Sirius walks into the flat on unsteady feet, his chest heaves, and tears track down his face unchecked. James doesn’t think, vaulting over the couch to grab his best friend before he hits the floor.
“What the-fuck, Pads, what happened? What’s wrong?”
“He left,” is the quiet, hoarse answer, hiccoughed between sobs, and James’ heart drops to his stomach, fighting his own sudden tears.
“What? Why? When?”
“This morning. He just packed his bags-” he sobs, winding his fingers into James’ shirt and pressing his face into James’ shirt. He can feel each and every heart-wrenching sob that leaves his lips, and he drags Sirius to the sofa before letting Sirius burrow under his arm, into his chest.
“He just left, took his good coat and his leather bag, the one you bought him.”
“Fuck,” James whispers, eyes trained on the wall, unseeing. He never expected Remus to just leave, and if Sirius wasn’t breaking apart right here, right now, James would have no choice but go find him and talk some sense into him. He hadn’t realised Sirius and Remus had such big issues behind closed doors; just last night, with them here for dinner, James couldn’t have ever guessed that Remus would just leave a mere twelve hours later.
“What happened, Pads? Did he say why?”
“He needed a change, said he was unhappy. He said he had to do something new with his life.”
“Unhappy? With what? Having a nice home and a husband that worships him?”
It only makes Sirius cry harder, and James hugs him tighter, rocking gently to calm them both down.
When Sirius stops crying, he doesn’t move from James' tight grip, sniffing against his chest.
“I thought he loved me.”
James tilts his head to the ceiling, willing himself to not cry based on the broken way Sirius had said that. “Mate, I-” He doesn’t know what to say. He has nothing to say. If his brain has shoulders, it’s shrugging them wildly at James, gesturing with tiny stick arms for him to just do something.
Fucking helpful.
“I have some ice cream in the freezer, and I can put on The Lost Valentine ?”
Sirius nods, still not pulling up from his spot against James’ chest, but James doesn’t care. All he wants, all he’s ever wanted, is to be half the person his mum was, who’d drop everything for anyone if they so much as looked in her direction. It was how he had gotten Sirius, after all. His mum had seen the boy at King’s Cross in first year, just before Christmas. He’d looked scared, biting the skin around his nails–a very un-Sirius-like action, even back then. His mum had approached him and found out that his parents had sent an owl to him while they were on the train, saying they wouldn’t be seeing him and he was to stay back at Hogwarts.
His mum had practically adopted Sirius there and then.
“Want to do face masks too?”
That gets Sirius to look up, his eyes so clear and bright from his tears, albeit red. “Paint my nails too?”
James nods. “Of course. Come on. You can have a shower. I’ll get your pj's.”
When Sirius is in the shower, the heavy scent of his bergamot and lime body wash settles in the house and brings James’ blood pressure back to normal. He’s ok. He’ll be ok. Maybe not now, but he’ll bounce back. Eventually.
He grabs pj’s from the top drawer–Sirius’ drawer–and throws them on the bed before he heads to the kitchen, making the fancy London Fog latte that Sirius likes when he’s feeling defeated and lost.
Earl grey tea leaves.
Steeped to perfection.
¼ teaspoon of vanilla extract-the good stuff, made with bourbon and real vanilla seeds; Sirius baulks at the idea of essence.
Top with warm, hand-foamed milk (hand-foamed because James refuses to use the frother after it vibrated right off the counter one night. Milk had gone everywhere , and there had been a lingering stink for days until Lily exploded and made them scrub the kitchen from top to bottom. His fingerprints have only just come back).
When served in a clear glass mug, it never fails to bring a smile to Sirius. He’s rewarded with that smile when Sirius comes in, hair dripping onto his clothed shoulders, barefoot and in his pj bottoms. That reminds James to check where his shoes are; Sirius probably left them in a pile in the bathroom.
“Come on, let’s watch a movie. Grab the ice cream and two spoons, will you?”
Hours later, with the coffee table ladened with the evidence of their all-day snacks and activities, the only sound is their soft crying. Pressed side to side under the blanket on the sofa, James wonders why they picked Me before you .
He only half regrets it when he hears Lily unlocking the door, and judging by her surprised expression, she’s not sure what to make of their cosy cuddle. Perhaps he should have sent her off a message to let her know Sirius probably lived with them now.
“Is everything ok?”
Sirius stays silent behind him, so James shakes his head, getting to his feet to greet Lily with a kiss. He tries to pour as much love into it as possible, trying to convince her never to break him the way Sirius is broken.
“James?” Lily pushes him away with a hand on his chest, studying his face. “You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
“Remus left.”
She nods, “This morning, yeah?”
He pulls away, frowning. “You knew?”
“Yes, of course I did. One of us pays attention.” She looks over at Sirius, pointing at him with a sharp nail. “If you’re in pyjamas, I hope your clothes aren’t strewn around my room.”
“Lily!”
She looks up at him, and James’ cannot believe what’s happening right now.
“I’m-he’s upset . How come you knew and you didn’t let us know he was so unhappy?”
Lily takes a deep, slow breath, pinching her temples. “James, love of my life. Apple of my eye. You're an idiot.”
“I think I liked it better when you were calling me sweet names.”
“Yeah, well, you win some, you lose some.” She reaches up, cupping his cheeks. “Remus started a new job today, remember?”
“Yeah, of course I know. And then-” He stops, watching the smile spread on Lily’s lips before he grabs her hands and pulls them to his chest, glaring over his shoulder at Sirius. “He started his new job today, you fucking prat. Is that what you meant?”
Sirius nods, eyes wide, but James can see the nervous smile he’s fighting.
“Why the hell-you could have-fuck me. I can’t believe I forgot he started today. Ok. I need a beer.” Pressing a kiss into Lily’s hair, he stomps to the kitchen. He grabs three beers from the fridge before returning to the living room, where Lily and Sirius are both under the blanket, snuggling.
“If you tell me those were fake tears,” he points to the front door, referencing a moment that feels like it happened a lifetime ago, “I will bludgeon you to death with this bottle.”
Sirius shrugs. “Is a man not allowed to be devastated when his husband says he’s unhappy?”
“Merlin, Pads. He was unhappy with sitting home all day.”
He shrugs petulantly. “Doesn’t change the fact that I felt very unloved.”
“What time does he get back?” He looks at Lily, knowing Sirius will answer in seconds or eternities.
“He gets back at five, which means you have only a couple of minutes to tell him to come straight here.”
James smiles at Lily, revelling in her general genius, and whips out his wand, sending a Patronus to the smarter half of Sirius’ existence.
They drink in silence for only a few minutes before Remus knocks on the door, opening it without hesitation. His eyes scan the room before landing on Sirius with a quiet, “For fucks’ sakes.”
“Don’t take that tone with me. You left.”
“I went to work,” Remus counters with a chuckle, dropping his-admittedly fancy-leather briefcase to the floor.
“You left without kissing me.”
“Bullshit. I kissed you all the way to the door. If you waited for me to open it for one last kiss, that’s your fault. I was going to be late; I told you that after we wasted time against the door frame.”
“Well, you left without saying you loved me.”
Remus laughs, shaking his head as he pulls off his coat. “You had your fingers in your ears.”
“Well to be honest, Remus,” Sirius starts with a posh twist to his words, “I was a wreck and only James has been nice enough to try to put me back together.”
“I fucking cried because I thought Remus left you, you pillock.”
“Sorry, Jamesie.” Sirius pats his knee carefully, and James forgives him with that simple gesture.
“So, are you going to spend the day here again when I go back tomorrow?”
“Oh fuck off, you’re going again ?”