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Clarisse knew it, just like she knew what cereal she preferred in the mornings or that boys' underwear was much more comfortable than girls'. She just knew high school parties were not for her.
She wasn’t a dancer. She wasn’t the fun type either. And she wasn’t likeable or charismatic enough so that people would enjoy having conversations with her.
Boys were afraid of her, because she was stronger than any of those wimpy-ass jocks. Girls were also afraid of her, but for an entirely different reason.
So she just kind of… stood there, bitterly.
That was, at least, the very little amount of time Silena left her alone at parties. Because, the rest of the time, her best friend was glued to her side, trying to drag her to the dancing section and laughing at Clarisse’s groans; casually holding her arm while she chatted with their classmates; leaning against her body when her feet started hurting from her heels.
Silena was always with her… except when she was with Charlie.
As she watched them dance closely and smile sappily at each other, Clarisse rolled her eyes and went into the kitchen.
She could have gone with the guys from her football team, but she was tired of hearing sexist comments about the other girls. She would just stay in the kitchen, messing around, until Silena inevitably came back to find her.
She had just sat on one of the countertops and started playing God of War when another girl came into the kitchen as well. Clarisse paid no attention to her until the girl went to her side and spoke to her.
—Hey.
Clarisse barely glanced at her before returning her eyes to her phone.
—Hey.
—Are you enjoying the party?
Clarisse shrugged.
—Sure.
—Cool.
Clarisse thought the conversation was over with that but, then, the girl spoke again.
—So you’re, like, a lesbian, right?
This time, Clarisse did look up.
She put her phone back in her jean’s pocket and stared at the girl with the unfriendly look she had mastered by now.
—I am —She answered, with her chin up.
—Cool —Repeated the girl, before looking down at her own interlaced hands—. I think I am too.
Clarisse shrugged again, but she softened her glare.
So it wasn’t a hostile conversation, then.
—Okay.
—But I’m not sure yet —The girl clarified.
—Okay.
—You’re not much of a talker, are you?
—No, I’m not.
The girl stood silent for a moment before speaking again —this time, stumbling over her words.
—I was wondering... Do you mind if…? Um, would you like to…? Would you ever be down to…?
—To…?
—Do you want to kiss?
Clarisse narrowed her eyes.
—Is this a bet? Or a prank?
—No. I’m just trying to… find out more about myself, I guess. And I guess I just thought you could help me, if you want to.
Clarisse took a moment to observe the girl.
She was attractive, but she wasn’t her type. She had nice hair and pretty eyes, but they were both a muted light brown. She had full lips, but the lipstick on them looked tacky.
There was no striking beauty; no high, brilliant contrast between her features; no cool appearance of a frosty queen of the forest.
—Okay —Clarisse finally answered—. Why not?
It wasn’t like she had something better to do, anyway.
—But let’s go upstairs —She added, a second later—. I don’t want some creeps staring at us here.
—Oh. Yes, you're right. Let’s go.
The girl took her hand. Clarisse noticed it was warm, but not nicely so.
They went upstairs and, when they saw no one was around, they began kissing in the hallway, the girl’s back against a wall and Clarisse in front of her.
—So? —Asked Clarisse, pulling away from her after a few minutes.
The girl opened her eyes, looking a bit light-headed.
—What?
—So, did you like it? Are you… finding out stuff?
The girl smiled before putting her hands on Clarisse’s shoulders.
—Oh, yeah. Can I find out a little more, please?
Clarisse grinned and leaned down to kiss her one more time.
The girl’s hands slowly started to travel up and down her back, while Clarisse’s stayed on the girl’s waist, touching the fabric that felt cheap under her fingers.
The girl was the next one to pull away, after a short while.
—Wanna take this in there? —She asked, pointing with her head to the open door of an empty bedroom.
Clarisse glanced for a moment at the party downstairs. Everything was looking as boring for her as it had been before going up.
—Yeah —She answered, easily picking the girl up with her hands on the back of her thighs—. Let’s go.
The girl gasped in surprise, but, a second later, she went back to kiss Clarisse’s lips.
She carefully took her to the bedroom and closed the door with her feet. She laid her down on the bed and she was just starting to kiss her way through her body when she heard her name being called from the hallway.
—Clary? Clary, are you up here, love?
Clarisse stood up.
—Don’t go —Asked the girl, sitting on the bed and taking Clarisse’s hand—. Stay here.
—Sorry —Said Clarisse, gently letting go of her—. It’ll just be a second.
She walked to the door and opened it.
—Lena? What’s wrong?
Silena, who had passed by that room and kept walking down the hallway, retraced her steps.
—Clary! I didn’t see you down there and I got worried! I thought you had... Oh. Sorry. Am I interrupting something?
Clarisse looked at her own side, where the girl had appeared from inside the bedroom.
—No —Said Clarisse.
—Yes —Contradicted the girl.
—Oops —Silena covered her mouth with her hand—. I'm sorry. Please, go back to it; I'll go back to... Oh!
As she took a few steps back, she tripped with her own feet.
Or she would have, if Clarisse’s reflexes hadn’t stopped her fall by catching her by the waist.
Clarisse got closer to Silena and smelled her breath.
—Are you drunk? —She asked, as she felt her brow furrowing.
—I just had a little sip —Said Silena, raising the red cup Clarisse had not yet seen in her other hand.
Clarisse let go of her best friend and grabbed the cup.
—Who gave this to you?
—It’s Charlie’s. It’s only beer; I’m just a lightweight drinker.
—Yeah —Clarisse smelled the cup, just in case. It did seem like just beer—. I know.
—Go back to your business —Silena patted her shoulder before walking away again—. I’ll meet you- Oops!
When Clarisse had to prevent Silena from tripping a second time, she gave the other girl the cup and lifted her best friend in her arms.
—That’s it. I’m taking you home.
—Nooo. Go enjoy yourself! —Silena tried to push Clarisse back to the room—. Charlie will take me home.
—No, he won’t —Clarisse turned her head to look at the girl—. Sorry. Raincheck?
—Are you for real?
—Yes.
The girl huffed and walked towards the stairs, away from them.
—Oops —Repeated Silena—. I think she’s mad at me now.
—It’s okay, princess. C’mon, let’s get you home.
Once they got out of the house and Clarisse started walking towards the Love’s home, Silena requested that she let her walk by herself, so Clarisse gently put her down to her feet.
—Are you sure you can walk in those shoes after a cup of beer?
—Yes —Said Silena—. But give me your arm, please?
Clarisse obeyed the request even before Silena could finish asking her.
As Silena held onto her arm, Clarisse saw (and felt) her best friend's muscles rapidly tightening and relaxing in a shiver.
—Sorry —Silena pouted—. It’s cold out here.
Clarisse took off her red leather jacket and put it over Silena’s shoulders.
—Maybe wear something warmer than underwear for the next party?
Silena smiled, with that fond smile that was only reserved for Clarisse.
—It’s a dress, silly.
—Says who?
—Calvin Klein.
Clarisse barked out a laugh.
—Whatever you say, smartass.
—Let’s go to the Grove tomorrow —Said Silena, gently resting her head on Clarisse’s shoulder as they walked.
—Okay —Agreed Clarisse, putting her arm around Silena’s waist, to keep her close, to keep her warm, to keep her safe—. Do you need to buy something in particular? Or do you just feel like going shopping?
—I want some leggings from Alo.
—You bought a bunch of those last week. Don’t you remember?
—Yes, but they have a new color now, Violet skies —Silena whined—. It’s so pretty. I need one of those too.
Clarisse rolled her eyes.
—You’re such a spoiled child.
Silena giggled and hugged Clarisse from the side.
—Don't act like you don't love that on me.
Clarisse didn’t deny nor confirm that statement. She just kissed Silena’s temple and let the hand on her waist bring her a bit closer, enjoying the feeling of the soft fabric of her dress under her fingers.
It wasn’t long until they arrived at the Love’s home. Once the door was opened for them, Clarisse guided Silena through the mansion, even if she had a feeling that her best friend was not as drunk as she had initially thought.
As they approached the family room, Clarisse saw Drew, Mitchell and Katie sitting on the main couch. They were wearing matching robes and had face masks on while they painted one another’s nails. There was also some music video playing on the TV, which they seemed to be discussing.
—She’s so hot —Said Drew, pointing at the TV with a nail polish.
—No, she’s not —Disagreed her brother.
—Katie? Thoughts?
—Sorry, babe, but I don’t think she is.
—Fuck you. Also, I’m the only one allowed to judge on the subject here so I say it: she’s hot.
—Hey, guys —Said Clarisse, as she and Silena entered the room.
The three of them turned their heads at them.
—Hey, girlies —Greeted Mitchell.
—Hiiii! —Said Katie.
—How was the party? —Asked Drew.
—So fun! —Answered Silena, showing them a big smile while she hugged Clarisse closer—. So fun.
—She’s a little tipsy —Explained Clarisse.
Mitchell laughed.
—What did she have? A sip of wine?
—I bet she only smelled it —Joked Katie.
—Do you want to join us, hon? —Asked Drew—. I could really use another lesbian by my side.
Clarisse looked at her best friend, silently asking for her opinion.
Silena shook her head.
—I wanna go to bed —She pouted.
—Okay —Clarisse softly tucked behind Silena's ear a strand of hair that had fallen on her face with the previous movement—. I’ll take you.
—Need any help with that, babe?
—I think I can handle it, but thanks, Mitch.
—There are fresh donuts in the kitchen —Said Katie— In case you want some.
—Yes! I do!!
—Let's get you upstairs first, princess. Then I’ll bring you donuts.
—Merci beaucoup.
Once Clarisse took Silena to her bedroom, she carefully sat her on the bed.
—Can you change into your pajamas while I get you donuts and a glass of water?
—Yes, I can.
—Good girl. I’ll be right back.
And, indeed, a few minutes later she was back in front of Silena’s bedroom door, a plate with two donuts on one hand and a glass of water on the other.
—Lena? Can I come in?
—Yes!
Clarisse opened the door… only to find Silena lying on the bed in her underwear.
—Jesus Christ —She said, as she entered and left the food on the bedside table—. Why didn’t you get dressed?
—I can’t find my nighties.
—In your dresser, second drawer on the right.
—No, not those ones —Silena whined—. I want my silk butterflies one.
Clarisse went to Silena's wardrobe, straight to the drawers that were under the hanging rails with her dresses. She opened the last one, dedicated exclusively to Silena's softest clothes, and she took out the nightgown she was referring to.
—Here —She said, as she brought it to Silena.
—Thanks, Rue.
Silena sat on the bed and took her hands to her own back. Clarisse realized just in time what she was about to do and quickly turned around.
She stood there, looking at the ceiling, hearing the other girl get changed, until Silena spoke again.
—Can I have my donut now, please?
—Are you ready?
—Yes.
—Really? Do you have clothes on?
—Yes, Clarisse, I do.
Clarisse turned around.
Effectively, Silena had put on her nightgown. Her bra was lying at her feet.
—Get in bed.
Silena obediently followed the command. She sat on the bed with her back against the headboard and her leg covered by the sheets.
Clarisse put the plate with the donuts on Silena's lap and gave her the glass of water. Then, she leaned down and sweetly kissed the top of her head.
—Goodnight, beautiful. Do you want anything else before I go?
—What? —Silena pulled away to look her in the eyes—. Where are you going?
—Home?
—No, you’re not —Silena looked for Clarisse's hand and held it—. Stay here.
—But I didn't bring-
—Please, Clary? It’s late. I don't want you walking home alone.
Clarisse knew that Silena knew that she could handle anyone who even dared look her way.
Still, she nodded, because she could never say no to those big, beautiful, pleading eyes.
—Okay. I’ll go to one of the guest-
—No —Silena squeezed her hand with more force—. Stay here, with me.
—Okay —Clarisse kissed Silena's hand before letting go of it—. Give me a few minutes, please —She asked, before getting out of the room.
First of all, she texted her father, letting him know where she would spend the night. Then, she went to the bathroom (or, well, the bathroom at the end of the hallway, because Valentina was too busy singing in the shower in the other one). And, finally, she returned to the room.
Silena had drunk half the water and eaten one of the donuts.
—I saved you one —She said, pointing at the plate which was back on the bedside table.
—No, thanks —Answered Clarisse—. Leave it there. You always get hungry at 2 am. Can I turn off the lights?
—Yeah.
Clarisse turned off the lights and then took off her boots and jeans, staying only in her black t-shirt and underwear.
As she timidly walked over to the bed, she heard Silena's giggle.
—Over a decade sharing beds and you still get shy around me —She lay down on the bed and patted the empty place next to her—. Come here, Rue.
Clarisse quietly got in the bed, being careful to keep her distance from the girl who was now facing her.
—I’m sorry I interrupted your... fun —Murmured Silena, after a moment of silence.
—It’s okay. It wasn’t a big deal.
Clarisse knew Silena was biting her lower lip, even if she couldn't see her properly in the dark room.
—Turn over? I want cuddles.
Clarisse did as she was asked.
Silena moved closer to her and spooned her from behind. She put her arm over Clarisse's body, leaving her delicate hand below her ribs, and then she sighed.
—There —She whispered. Clarisse heard the blissful smile on Silena’s voice and she saw it in her mind, just as clearly as if it was in front of her eyes—. Now I’m happy. Are you happy too, love?
—Yes —Said Clarisse, not having to take a second look at the feeling in her chest to know that it was pure happiness—. I am.
—Good —Silena left a faint kiss on Clarisse’s back—. Goodnight, Clarisse. Sleep tight, don’t let the bedbugs bite.
Clarisse closed her eyes and smiled, as she cuddled closer to the body that was behind her.
—Sweet dreams, Silena.