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Downing a shot of whiskey, Nam Dawon firmly set her cup down as she eyed a familiar girl from across the room. Granted, said girl was stunning, and most definitely wasn't just receiving attention from who she spoke to — so it was no surprise that Dawon watched her from head to toe shamelessly. In fact, the tall girl had done this many times before. She'd lost count.
With a small grin, she turned away from the interaction she was observing, casually walking back to the party. Sojung, who noticed the look in her eyes, shot her a glare that practically burned into Dawon's soul. Dawon put her hands up in innocence, though her drunken state took a lot away from it. The rest of the party was engaging in conversation, or dancing, but Sojung pushed through the crowd, making it over to Dawon, and pulling her aside.
"What have you been doing, Nam?" She scolded immediately, as though she could read Dawon's thoughts like an open book.
"Nothing," the girl responded calmly, her smile slightly widening.
Sojung knew it was bullshit.
"Nothing?" She scoffed. "You're drunk off your ass, Dawon. There's nothing you don't do when you get like this."
Sojung sighed, before beginning to process the situation at hand. She massaged her temples, trying to find her own conscience despite the fact that she was also faded off a drink or two. She looked around, and her eyes rolled to the back of her head when she found the culprit of Dawon's attitude. She was beyond annoyed, tired, and unfazed — yet also somewhat sympathetic. She knew too much about Dawon's feelings and about how good of a person Dawon was (sober, at least) to not feel this way.
"Kid, you can't let her do this to you," Sojung became serious, putting a hand on Dawon's shoulder. Dawon didn't look back, knowing that Sojung had seen exactly what she witnessed a few minutes ago. Instead, she just shrugged it off carelessly.
"Do what? I don't care that she's with someone else, unnie."
Sojung shook her head. "I know how much you care for her and I know how much things have changed, but...this happens so often. You know it does."
"What? Her flirting with Juyeon like her life depends on it?" Dawon questioned, putting her hands on Sojung's shoulders now, and flashing a smile. "I really couldn't care less. You know why?"
The older woman looked at her friend, confused. Dawon chuckled, before leaning closer to Sojung, mouth against her ear.
"Because she always comes back to me," she whispered, slurring a little on her words. "For now, I'll have my own fun."
She took a step back from Sojung, who, with a worried look etched on her face, shook her head. "You'll regret it in the morning, Dawon...you know you will."
"Mhm," Dawon didn't pay attention, saluting her way out of the conversation, and further integrating into the crowd, but not before grabbing herself another drink. She was on fire, and spiraling out of control. Deep down — past all her illogical thoughts — she knew Sojung was right. She knew she'd regret everything, and she knew some part of her was affected by seeing what she did. Still, her point stood. Time and time again, it was only proven right.
No matter who she tried talking to for a given night, or even multiple nights, Lee Luda would always come back to her. Dawon knew that more than anything. Seeing the girl flirt with Juyeon for the millionth time was nothing new, and Dawon had enough of weeping over any interaction Luda partook in. Instead, she decided to have some of her own.
"Hey, sweetheart," Dawon let the name slip out of her mouth meaninglessly, smirking a little as she greeted the first woman her eyes landed upon. The beauty, not stunned by the sudden acknowledgement, smiled in return.
"You're a little too bold for someone at such a friendly party," she said, but her physical reaction was different, facing fully toward Dawon, who hadn't yet had that idiotic smirk wiped off her face. "You're either insanely drunk, heartbroken, or an absolute dick."
"Mm...how about all three?" Dawon proposed.
The woman in front of her seemed to think about it carefully. "Well, I'd say you have a face handsome enough for me to disregard what we just talked about, if you wish."
"I think that sounds great, Miss..."
"Jiyeon," the girl filled in the blanks, making Dawon's smile grow.
"Jiyeon," she repeated. "You're quite beautiful yourself."
"I'm aware," Jiyeon nodded, unmoved.
Dawon chuckled, surprised at the woman's confidence. It was more attractive than she was willing to comment on, at least so soon. "Would you like to dance?"
"I was waiting for you to ask."
Jiyeon held her hand out for Dawon, who took it, guiding them to the center of the dance floor.
Watching from the other end of the room, Luda was fuming. She struggled to focus on her own situation — which, given that she was now on the kitchen counter, trapped between Juyeon's arms — was quite serious. She was just as drunk as Dawon, if not more, and it had clearly gotten the best of her. One second she was miserable over Dawon, and the next she sat there, wondering how she and Juyeon had gotten so far.
The shift in her mood went unnoticed by Juyeon, who trailed kisses on her jaw and her neck, even as Luda's eyes observed Dawon from afar. She hated watching her dance with a stranger, and she hated how beautiful said stranger was. It practically drove her insane, and she tried to tune it out, turning to passionately connect her lips with Juyeon, who had no trouble reciprocating.
She was furious, and she showed that in her kisses, surprising Juyeon, who struggled to keep up with her pace after a while. Luda was being rough, and it prompted Juyeon to separate for air quicker than she usually would.
"Woah...you okay?"
Luda was dumbfounded by the question, pulling Juyeon back in by her tie desperately, and not letting her speak anymore. If she heard a voice that wasn't Dawon's again, she knew she'd break, and she couldn't have that.
Juyeon, also being someone who was heartbroken, and too good of a friend of Luda's to mind, didn't say another word, and this time matched Luda's energy as they resumed their kiss. Luda's hands roamed Juyeon's arms, trying to find familiarity in them, and failing. She sat there, making out heavily with someone else that she wished was Dawon. It killed her more than she could admit.
The straps of her dress were barely hugging her shoulders, slipping off more and more by the second. She could taste the alcohol from Juyeon's lips, and she wanted nothing more than to drink it. Drink all of it, enough to forget her own name. Enough to forget Dawon's.
She separated from Juyeon immediately, panting heavily, and looking over to her friend, who stood in front of her with bruised lips. She was sure they mirrored one another, and it made her more distraught than she was initially.
"Take me upstairs," she breathed, eyes not leaving Juyeon's.
Juyeon didn't wait to comply.
;;
"So," Jiyeon, after a hot make-out session with Dawon, settled down beside her in the woman's car. "You wanna explain to me what that girl means to you?"
"What?" Dawon was taken aback.
Jiyeon pulled the car mirror down to re-apply her lipstick, which she'd ruined in the process of kissing the handsome woman beside her. She didn't seem to be moved by Dawon's confusion, and remained calm as usual as she spoke.
"The girl that Juyeon took upstairs," she continued. "She was looking at you like she wanted to either kill you or eat you. Maybe both?"
Dawon sighed, using her thumb to attempt cleaning around her lips, though she wasn't very successful. "Should I really be opening up to a stranger?"
"We're drunk," Jiyeon shrugged. "We probably won't remember. I don't think it's much of a problem."
"It could be," the black-haired girl argued. "How do you know Juyeon?"
Jiyeon chuckled. "Should I really be opening up to a stranger?"
She looked over to Dawon, who, upon meeting her eyes, was rendered speechless. She laid against her steering wheel, closing her eyes, and letting herself truly think about what she and Luda had for the first time that night.
"I'm assuming she's the heartbreak part of our interaction," Jiyeon deduced, watching how affected Dawon was at the mention of this girl. "I'm a little confused by it, actually. She seemed just as heartbroken. What am I missing?"
"I'll tell you what you're missing," Dawon said, simply. "My beautiful ex...the second the sun starts rising, she's getting dressed and running away from me like we're high schoolers trying not to get caught. Doesn't text, doesn't call, but with our mutual friends, we're bound to see each other everywhere. She'll let anyone touch her, but keeps an eye out for me and somehow always wakes up in my bed. What exactly can we gain from it, Jiyeon?"
Jiyeon, who genuinely listened, raised an eyebrow. "If you want me to answer seriously, well...I gather two things. One being the evident toxicity, and the other, well...untouchable love. Am I close?"
Dawon didn't answer, but the look on her face said enough. She and Luda were incredibly toxic. After their break, even if they weren't officially together anymore, they still somehow always ended up that way. It was harmful to them each and everyday, and they knew more than anything that it needed to stop.
However...Nam Dawon and Lee Luda were also incredibly in love. Everybody knew. Even Jiyeon, who'd known Dawon a good hour, could pick up on it.
"Why did you break up?" Jiyeon asked the next question rather cautiously, as though trying not to cross any lines. Dawon was now facing forward as she spoke.
"We went through a lot of shit in college," Dawon mumbled. "We were roommates — best friends — and we thought it'd be easy to date. We thought with how close we were and how good we were as friends, that we'd be a good couple with no effort. We were in love, we always had been, and we didn't realize how big the next step was. We were together almost two years, but with the stress from our classes, mental health, everything...we fought too much. We ended it a few months ago, and now we're stuck in this loop that I can't break out of because I'd rather die than lose her."
Jiyeon was amused by the declaration at the end, and it seemed to impact her more than the rest of the story. She felt sympathy for Dawon, as the situation seemed rather painful to be in, but she analyzed it all carefully. She could see what Dawon couldn't.
"And now?"
"What do you mean?" Dawon turned to the beauty, who looked back at her a little more softly than she did before.
"College. Your life. How is it now?"
"I finished college," Dawon's voice was lower than before. "I have a good job with music, I've been to therapy, and...life is decent."
"Mm," Jiyeon nodded. "And her?"
"She's studying to be a doctor. She's doing well in all her classes. I try not to ask, but...I lose myself. I ask Hyunjung to tell me all the time."
"Ah, Hyunjung," Jiyeon chuckled a little, shaking her head. "It's Luda, isn't it?"
"How do you know?"
Jiyeon smiled. "I guess I'm not as much of a stranger as you thought, Nam Dawon."
She received a soft frown in return from Dawon, who was confused, and also lost. Jiyeon continued shortly after.
"Listen...I believe that you and Luda were good friends. You know why that worked, Dawon? Because you communicated as friends. A relationship is a big step, it's true, but, you work for it just as you did a friendship. You communicate, and you support each other, and you make it happen. You two were already madly in love, weren't you? All you did was put a label to it," Jiyeon was clear. "You two love each other no matter the circumstances, Dawon. You need to stop acting like children about it. She needs to stop hooking up with everyone in sight to forget your name and you need to stop doing it in return while expecting her to come back to you. Four people don't make a couple, at least not when two of them are new people each night, and you will not find happiness like this. You're handsome, Dawon, and I've enjoyed my night with you, but...you either have to fix this relationship or end it. That's the only way either of you will recover from this, and I mean it."
Dawon, stunned at the response, let the words sink in. Her hands were gripping onto her steering wheel, turning her knuckles white in the process. She tried not to tear up in the presence of a semi-stranger, and she took a deep breath to avoid it. Her heart was racing.
"Promise me you'll stop this, Dawon," Jiyeon said softly. "You and I don't know each other, and you don't owe me anything, but...you owe this to yourself. You owe this to her. Promise me."
The girl beside her nodded, defeated. "I promise."
They sat in silence for a long while, and Dawon knew she’d be grateful to this stranger for the rest of her life.
;;
Dawon stayed up all night in Sojung’s house, exiting her car after her conversation with Jiyeon and spending her time in the clustered living room. A lot of the guests left as the hours went by, but Dawon couldn’t, especially knowing Luda was there somewhere. She hadn’t seen her leave, and she waited for the moment that she could. The opportunity to talk to the girl she loved hopelessly.
It was when she heard footsteps coming from the stairs that she stood up, eyes quickly landing on none other than Lee Luda. She cleared her throat nervously.
"Hey," Dawon's voice was gentle as she saw Luda walk downstairs, seemingly sober. Hours had gone by, and they both could think straight for the first time in a while, so when their eyes locked, it was a lot for both of them. Luda looked beautiful, and it was no doubt that to her, Dawon looked even more so.
"Hi," Luda said, voice soft, and barely audible. "I thought you might've left by now."
Dawon shook her head. "I wanted to, but...it's Sojung's place. I have no problem staying here. She wasn't gonna kick me out."
She motioned towards Sojung, who was knocked out on the couch. There was an absolute mess around her; empty cups and bottles in big enough quantity to fill an entire bedroom. A few other bodies were sprawled out on the couch or the floor — some of which Dawon didn't recognize at all. It was amusing to see the true aftermath of such an event, as she'd never really stayed late enough to experience it.
"Yeah, well...I'm surprised you've been coming to parties. You hate them," Luda said, not moving from where she stood.
"You do too," Dawon whispered. She knew Luda better than anyone. "Did you and Juyeon, um..."
Luda shook her head. "I can't. She isn't...she isn't you."
Dawon nodded. "Couldn't go too far with the girl I met either. She also isn't you."
She slowly walked closer to Luda, grabbing her hands, and looking up at her. Luda still stood on the second step of the stairs, looking beautiful as ever as her eyes stayed with Dawon's.
"God, Luda, I'm so in love with you," Dawon said quietly, yet desperately, unable to hide her emotions. "I can't get over you, no matter how hard I try, and it's killing me. I can't handle not talking to you, or not spending time with you, or kissing you with anything other than love. I can't handle you being with other people and I can't handle having you leave every morning without a word. I know that I sound pathetic and hopeless, but I...I miss you. I miss us. Please, let me fix this. Please."
Dawon got onto her knees, her eyes not leaving Luda's, that were now full of tears. The smaller woman didn't let go of her hands, but rather held them tighter as Dawon kneeled before her.
"We made so many mistakes in our relationship, but I know we're better than that. I know we're better than this. I'm tired of going back and forth, so I'm begging you...please fix this with me. I want a world with you, Luda. I love you."
"You...idiot," Luda let out the insult shakily, grabbing Dawon's face, and bending down to connect their foreheads. "You have a world with me no matter what you do, can't you see that? I can't be without you, Nam Dawon. I can't even imagine it."
She connected her lips with Dawon's — their first kiss in a while that was pure and full of love with nothing else to accompany it. Luda's fingers brushed through Dawon's hair, while the taller girl grabbed Luda's waist, lifting her into her arms. She spun them around, neither of them able to conceal their emotions as tears rolled down their cheeks while they kissed.
Dawon couldn't control the butterflies in her stomach, sharing this moment with Luda almost as though it was their first time. She pulled away with Luda still in her arms, and they were both smiling like idiots.
"I love you too, Dawonie," Luda's voice broke, her small hand cupping Dawon's cheek. Dawon turned a little to be able to kiss her hand, before embracing the woman she loved like her life depended on it.
"The sun is rising...stay with me until it sets?"
Luda smiled at the request, burying her face into Dawon's shoulder. "I'd love to."
She giggled, before separating from their hug to kiss Dawon again, not planning to pull away any time soon. She was with the love of her life once again, and she couldn’t be happier.
Sojung, eyes barely open, observed the scene contently. She peeked over at Hyunjung, who, with one eye open, was also looking. They made eye contact, following it quickly with a quiet high five.
"Fucking finally. Jiyeon knocked some sense into her," Hyunjung said, making Sojung nod.
"You think she'll help us clean this mess?"
"Nah, she texted me that she left."
"That bitch...well at least she accidentally fixed our lives," Sojung shrugged. Hyunjung nodded in agreement, before closing her eyes again along with Sojung, the pair going back to sleep peacefully.