Work Text:
A man ran hurriedly through the Port Mafia walls asking anyone who could watch his kid while he completes a mission. They all shook their heads saying that they were busy or that he should have hired a babysitter.
If he could find a babysitter, he wouldn't be asking any of his coworkers, but they all seemed to be booked on this very specific day, so he had no choice but to bring his daughter to work with him. It had worked ok for the first few hours, but he had just gotten a mission on the field and now here he was panicking.
After A few more minutes of asking anyone, he passed he decided he would just give his daughter to the next poor soul that would appear in his vision no matter the consequences that it had on him later.
He soon found his victim and just shoved his daughter gently into his arms while shouting sorry and that he’ll pick her up after his mission.
Dazai just stood there amused and surprised while holding a baby in his arms. ‘What an interesting turn of events’ he thought as the child looked up at him curious as to who was holding her in that moment. When she didn't recognize the person, she began to cry.
Suddenly Dazai wasn't feeling as amused as before he tried calming the baby down by patting it on the back gently, but her cries only grew louder. Whoever dumped this kid on him is going to feel his wrath because Dazai is not a babysitter but a certain child sized partner of his might be.
Now he was less annoyed and more amused at the mere thought of Chuuya having to be motherly to a baby. He could tease him about this for weeks to come!
“Quiet now child I’m going to take you to see my dog. He’s as tiny as you so you’ll get along fine”
Baby in hand Dazai leisurely walked down the halls to where he knew where Chuuya would be. Of course, the baby’s crying attracted a lot of attention, so people looked in that direction and when they saw who was holding the child, the color drained from their face. People who were asked to watch that same child now feared for their coworker's life and Dazai’s carefree smile was not calming their nerves at all, in fact it was making it worse.
Almost in collective union they all thought ‘I should have watched the kid’.
After a short walk Dazai made it to Chuuya’s room and just barged right in and kicked the door closed. The baby had calmed down slightly by now due to the walk.
“What the fuck Dazai!?” Chuuya screamed as he made his way out of his room.
Dazai let out an exaggerated gasp “Chibi there are children you should watch your language”
It was then that he saw the baby in Dazai’s hands. It looked at Chuuya and made grabby hands “Mama”.
A tense moment passed with Chuuya looking ready to explode from embarrassment and Dazai ready to explode into a fit of laughter. Trying to contain his laughter he slowly handed the baby over to Chuuya who took her with slight hesitation “Here you go to-to Mama!”
He couldn't hold back anymore he clutched his stomach in laughter slowly descending from his legs to his knees and now laying down on his side curled up like a ball laughing. Chuuya was not amused at all though as he held the baby and let her play with his hair.
“Are you done yet” He asked through gritted teeth.
“Just-just give me a moment” he wheezed out.
Chuuya just grumbled and went to sit on his couch with the baby bouncing her up and down on his leg. After a few minutes Dazai finally got up from the floor and made his way over to the couch. He plopped down next to Chuuya and the baby who seemed quite content just bouncing up and down his leg.
“So why do you have a baby?” Chuuya asked while carefully watching the baby to make sure she didn’t fall.
Dazai just watched him for a second before answering “Some guy gave her to me”
Chuuya turned to look at him “Yeah right!”
“It’s true!” Dazai said defensively though it sounded more like a whine from a little kid.
“Do you really expect me to believe that some random guy just gave you his kid!”
“Well, when you put it like that…”
Dazai started pouting and Chuuya just sighed. “Fine, let's think that hypothetically some guy gave you his kid, how is he going to get her back? Does he even know he gave it to you specifically?
Dazai opened his mouth to respond but closed it and furrowed his eyebrows. The kid’s dad hadn't even crossed his mind since he gave him the kid. He just wanted to annoy Chuuya with the baby but now… “Oh my god some guy just gave you his kid…”
“That’s what I said” Dazai grumbled now finally taking in the situation that he was in.
“Well, what are we going to do? It’s not like we can ask Ane-San since she's away from base right now…did he even tell you how long you were going to watch her?”
Dazai just grimaced “No. Just that he was sorry and that he would pick her up”
“Well fuck. what are we going to do then!”
“I don’t know! Just watch her and hope one of the people I passed tells the guy I have his kid?”
Chuuya sighed. “I mean I guess that’s all we can do but really are you an idiot or something how do you let this happen”
Dazai just smiled, “It seems like fate Chuuya. A child to bring us closer than ever before and she already calls you mama!”
“You're not going to let that go are you” Chuuya sighed.
“I've already come up with multiple ways to bring it up in conversation”
“I hate you”
They spent an hour or two just messing around with the baby from simple games like peek-a-boo to just carrying her around. Dazai even started humming while carrying her at one point as she eventually got tired and fell asleep. They put her on the couch before slumping down to the floor sitting side by side.
“You know Chuuya, I think I would make a great dad in the future. We should get a baby someday” Dazai said wistfully.
“Your enough of a baby for the both of us”
“Hey-” Dazai said before he was stunned into silence as Chuuya leaned on him and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers. “Let’s take care of you first and then we can see about a baby”
Dazai had a small smile while rubbing his thumb along Chuuya’s hand, lost in thought. They sat like that for a while just enjoying each other. Chuuya eventually fell asleep by his side, occasionally moving his head to get more comfortable. If this is what it would be like to have a child with Chuuya…Dazai doesn’t think that he would mind.
He held Chuuya’s hand close as he leaned on him too and fell asleep. Of course, the peaceful sleep didn’t last since about an hour later there was what seemed to be a hesitant knock on the door. They tried to ignore it hoping that they would go away but they knocked again and again and again.
Finally, Chuuya got annoyed and went to open the door which in turn made Dazai annoyed because Chuuya had to get up.
Chuuya swung the door open looking pissed. “What”
A sheepish looking man was standing there looking about ready to shit himself. “I-I was told that my daughter was here”
“Dazai bring the kid”
There was some incoherent mumbling, but Chuuya peeked back into the room and saw that Dazai was grabbing the kid, so he didn’t pay it much mind.
Though if the man looked ready to shit himself when he saw Chuuya his soul entered another realm when he heard the name that came out of Chuuya’s mouth. Dazai looked like he could kill a man when he appeared in the doorway with the baby. The man was signing his will mentally.
“I-I’m so sorry!” He said like a man begging for his life.
Chuuya put a hand on his hip and his eyes looked like they were looking down on the man even though he was taller “You better be I expect to see two hot chocolates and a box of donuts here tomorrow morning!”
“Y-yes sir!”
Dazai handed the baby to the man while saying “I expect this to never happen again, or your daughter here will become an orphan”
The man just gulped and rushed as fast as he could away from Chuuya and Dazai. They just walked back inside and sat on the couch.
“Why the donuts and hot chocolate?”
Chuuya Shrugged “I don’t work for free plus I figured we could use them”
“What I could use is a Coffee”
“And I could use a peaceful apartment, but I guess we both can’t have what we want”
Dazai stuck his tongue out while Chuuya just rolled his eyes. “Come on let's go get dinner then we can go back to sleep”
“Wah can’t Chuuya just get the food and bring it here”
“If I do that, I’ll kick you out as soon as we’re done eating”
“Chuuya’s too mean” Dazai whined.
“And you're annoying now come on let’s go” Chuuya said, getting impatient “Or I could kick you out right now?”
“I’m going can’t have a Chibi like yourself go on your own”
“Who are you calling Chibi!”
They continued bickering as they made their way to get food and when they came back, they watched a movie before falling asleep in each other's arms. Although they would never say it out loud, they wish they could have more moments like this with each other.