Chapter Text
It was a cold evening; the sun had already set. This was going to be his first Christmas all alone. Without his family, his friends, and his lover. It was snowing and the loneliness made the evening chillier than it already was.
Eiji was sitting in a coffee shop near the big glass window. He was unnoticeable in the bustling crowd. Staring at the people as they kept passing by the coffee shop, the espresso between his gloved hands getting cold. He noticed how everyone was in haste evidently to celebrate Christmas with their loved ones waiting for them at home. All he could think of at the moment was how no one was waiting for him to come home, how there was no one to turn on the lights or light the fireplace, and how his house was probably cold, dark, and unwelcoming right now. His house didn't feel like home anymore.
As he was staring into space while lost in his thoughts, a sudden noise of giggling caught his attention. His eyes followed where the sounds were coming amid the crowd as he kept his cup of espresso on the table, conscious enough to know it was too cold to enjoy anymore. A couple caught his attention as they laughed cheerfully, their hands interlocked. He stared at them as he felt lonelier and lonelier. He observed how the girl rubbed her hands together clearly feeling cold and how the boy held her hands in his own to warm them. The sight shot pain in his heart. The loneliness was getting unbearable.
Eiji sighed as he shifted his gaze away from the view. Tears formed in his eyes. He started fidgeting with the hem of his coat when he couldn't hold his tears back anymore. He tightly grabbed the hem in the fists of his hands when he closed his eyes as tears fell from his cheeks. He opened his eyes to look at the precious treasure that peaked out of the sleeves of his coat.
"I miss him..." Eiji said to himself with a shaky voice. He slowly wiped his tears with his sleeves and gazed at the bracelet on his wrist with a loving and sorrowful look in his deep dark brown eyes, the noise of the crowd blending and soon becoming inaudible to him. Another sigh of sadness as he got up from the chair. "It's getting late, I should just go home."
Eiji dragged himself out of the coffee shop. He didn’t want to leave. Not like he had any place he wanted to be right now and going back to his apartment didn’t sound like the best idea. Opening the door of an empty, dark house was the last thing he wanted to do. He didn't wish to face the harsh reality; he didn't want to live in a world where Ash was cold dead. It hurt him.
He walked on the side of the street, each step heavier than the last as he looked at all the happy faces walking in the direction opposite to his. A halt to his movement when his phone started ringing giving him a surprise. Looking at the screen of his phone, a soft smile on his face appeared when he realized who it was. “Happy Christmas Eve!!” It was his younger sister, Sena. Eiji chuckled at how cheerful the voice sounded from the other side. He missed this loud joyful voice. He missed his sister who had always kept him happy no matter what the situation. He missed Sena, who was a young and innocent kid, completely unaware of the cruel realities of the world. “Sena, I thought you’d never call.” A soft laugh was heard before she spoke again “What do you mean? I miss my big brother. You haven’t come back to Japan for so long. You do remember you have a family here, right? or do you just not miss us now that you have a new life in New York” “Sena… of course, I miss you all. I miss you all so much, I would run back to Japan right away.” Eiji said jokingly. “Then why don’t you? You’re all alone there Eiji… And Christmas is not fun without you. Also, mother, and father have been waiting for you to come back for so long. Why don’t you just book a ticket and come back home?” Sena said suppressing the tone of sadness in her voice but her breaking voice made it obvious she was almost in tears.
Home… the word felt sweet, comforting, and tempting. Eiji did want to go home but all his memories with Ash in New York had stopped him from doing so. The thought of leaving New York made Eiji feel like he would abandon all the moments he shared with Ash. If he left New York, it would make moments with Ash a thing of his distant past.
It made him feel like he would abandon Ash.
“Sena… mother and father don’t know my reasons for not coming back home. That’s why they’re still waiting for me but you… You very well know my reasons.” Eiji said, his voice filled with sorrow. “I know… but Eiji, you’ll have to move on, and staying there won’t help. You can’t keep on living like this forever. Think about the loved ones you left in Japan.” Sena said trying to convince her brother. “You don’t understand. It’s not that easy.” a small reply from Eiji and Sena grunted. “Okay, fine! Do whatever you want!” She blurted in a tone of frustration. “Please, just take care brother. We will be waiting for you. And if you’re too scared to move on, I’ll come to New York and I’ll be my brother’s favorite emotional support I’ve always been. Miss you.” Her last words before the call ended. Sena had grown into a clever child. Though she missed Eiji and wanted him to come back home, she understood him well enough to know he’ll need more time
. Keeping his phone back in the pocket of his coat, Eiji continued walking, this time his speed faster. After a little more walking, Eiji stopped again to look across the street at the smallest building on the other side. That’s where he lived. That’s where they lived before Ash died. Sudden memories of him and Ash played in his mind. The crowd was quiet again and the world had gone silent. Eiji wished so dearly for death, ‘but what if...’ said the voice in his mind, ‘what if Ash is waiting on the other side?’. This tiny hope kept him walking even though he couldn't feel his legs anymore. He continued his heavy steps to cross the road... Now he just wanted to lay on his bed and cry himself to sleep. That was his night routine ever since his beloved’s death.
*HONK, HONK, SCREECH…CRASH*