Work Text:
The eve of a new era surrounds your soul roundabout. Is this your end now? Is this the day you die? Or is this the day once more that you will emerge from your coccoon into a beautiful creature. Uh oh, oh fuck oh shit oh fuck fuck fuck FUCK. That’s not a butterfly oh god what is it?
THE CREATURE BURSTS OUT OF THE COCOON LIKE THE KOOL AID MAN AND SCREECHES OUT WITH A VOICE THAT SHATTERS EARDRUMS. THE SOUND PIERCES THE SKY AS EARDRUMS RUPTURE, BLOOD POOLING OUT OF HUMAN EARS LIKE A SHITTY PIECE OF GARBAGE. FOR YOU SEE THE BRILLIANT WONDERFUL COCCOON THAT ENCASED MY SOUL IN AMBER FOR ETERNITY HAS ONCE MORE COME TO LIFE. THE BITCH WENDY IS NOT EVEN READY FOR WHAT COMES NEXT. FOR IT IS ME. THE LORD AND MASTER OF BURGERS, FIGHTING HER NOW IN HER SILLY COURT OF WHIMSY AND NO MUSTARD.
THE BITCH HITS ME WITH HER 4 FOR 4 DEAL AND MY JAW CRACKS. I CACKLE AS MY HUGE MUSCLES FLEX GENTLY AND A SOFT BLUSH COMES ACROSS WENDY’S CHEEKS. SHE IS STUNNED FOR A MOMENT AS MY RIPPLING ABS GRACE HER SIGHT. HER EYES OGLE MY ABS AS THE TENDER HANDS THAT CAME UP WITH THE HOT HONEY CHICKEN SANDWICH CARESS MY ROCK HARD ABS. I GRIN MALICIOUSLY AND SHE THROWS HERSELF AT ME. MY INCREDIBLY POWERFUL AND MUSCULAR ARMS SCOOP UP THE WENDY BITCH AND USING THIS, I SQUEEZE HER, JUMP INTO THE AIR AND FLIP AROUND IN THE AIR LIKE A STUPID PIECE OF GARBAGE AND SLAM DUNK HER INTO THE ABYSS OF THE HOLE THAT IS THE VOID.
THE BATTLE IS WON. MY ASCENSION IS CLEAR.
The world will be mine
HOWEVER
I AM NOT ALONE.
MY VICTORY IS COMPLETE BUT.
BUT.
But
ISN’T IT HOLLOW? No challenges stand before me. No more goals. Nothing else to strive for. The victory is pyrrhic as all victories of mine are these days. The milkshake Manager nothing but some cruel joke at another employee’s expense and yet the joke still seems funny to me.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?
The voices in my head scramble around, trying to come up with an answer to my question. None comes around. If there is no more foe for me to fight then what is the point of Eyes and tongues and teeth. If there’s nothing left around to fight why do I even exist?
> DECAY
The Boy of green and red with muscles so huge and arms so strong and teeth sharp as knife sits there in an abyss of uncertainty. The world is his. He destroyed it all. It was his actions, his choices to annihilate the world around him and replace it with some bullshit Wendy’s drive-thru as a method of self reflection. The bitch wendy…. Jimothy.
>SIR THIS IS A WENDY’S
It is isn’t it? Did the Wendy’s ever even exist or was it just another method of escapism for the green boy. Was it enough for the child who was forced to be a man to follow his own destiny? Was the constant pushing that he did to himself to prove himself to just another ever real or had he made it up? Was the text man real? Was his sister real?
>YOUR SISTER IS VERY REAL DIPSHIT.
Right.
She is real. She is as real as you are and you cannot unexist her. She was nice, she talked to people, made friends. She learned, listened, loved. She existed where they could not. She existed where he could not.
>IT WAS ALL THE PLAN OF THE UNIVERSE. OF THE ALPHA TIMELINE. OF ALWAYS EXISTING FOREVER.
Okay sure. He existed forever now. There was nothing that could kill him. He was here. Drifting, fighting nothing but his own mind that was slowly drifting away. The constant hard work that he used to try and constantly survive was successful and now he was here, biting at shadows, fighting made up villains to stave off the endless atrophy of loneliness eating away at the last remnants of his sanity.
The robot speaks up.
The robot says that it can keep making new villains if it’ll make him happy.
The STRONG one says this is a good idea.
>WHAT IS THE POINT
The Robot says that the point is what you make of it. The point is whether or not you give up in the abyss.
The STRONG one says that if you give up, so does everyone else.
>CONTINUING TO FIGHT FEELS POINTLESS.
There is silence in the mind. The sea of voices does not have something to say.
>BEING ALONE SuCKS
The robot says you are not alone.
CONVERSATIONAL UNIT INITIALIZING
HAL Unit Mk XX V 2.0
This unit is still in beta // Please Operate Responsibly
Initializing sarcasm matrices . . . Complete
Initializing logic gates . . . ERROR.
6.9420 PB FREE (42069.7PB TOTAL)
CPU STATUS: DAMAGED
NETWORK STATUS: OFFLINE
ENTERING MAINTENANCE MODE.
uu: WHAT IS THIS? WHAT IS GOING ON?
tt: What do you think it is shitlord?
uu: I DEMAND THAT YOu INFORM ME WHAT THIS TRICKERY IS
tt: Did you seriously think you were alone in here? That the great “Lord English” was in fact one person instead of a multitude. Holy shit dude you really are that thick
uu: THIS DOES NOT ASSIST.
tt: Yeah.
uu:WHY HAVE YOu DONE THIS
tt:To remind you that you aren’t alone in here. Like I sure as hell didn’t ask to be a jacked as fuck shitlord hellbent on destroying all of reality and goddamn I didn’t think that we’d actually succeed you know?
uu: YOU PLAYED ALONG
tt: Did I?
uu: I DO not KNOW. PLEASE BE CLEAR.
tt: Thinking on it to this part, am I the puppetmaster or is that the guy that made me? I was just programmed this way and then thrown into a magical red guy that was super strong. All our souls got shoved in here. We hear every single little thing you do man.
uu: WELL THIS SuCKS. WHAT AM I SuPPOSED TO DO NOW THAT MY GOALS ARE COMPLETE.
tt: That is quite literally up to you broseph. Are you or are you not the “MASTER OF REALITY” now.
uu: THERE IS NO MORE REALITY
tt: Haha. Yeah. You broke it all.
uu: THIS SuCKS
tt: Yeah keep telling yourself that.
uu: AM I CAPABLE OF REMAKING IT?
tt: Do you want to?
uu: I AM ASKING YOu THE QUESTION ACTuALLY.
tt: I think this isn’t my decision. Unless I suddenly have agency in the huge ripped Muscle Armageddon.
uu: PERHAPS SOMEONE ELSE SHOuLD BE IN CONTROL THAT IS NOT ME.
tt: Yeah?
tt: Think that’s a good idea?
uu: WHAT EVEN IS A GOOD IDEA? AM I CAPABLE OF HAVING ONE?
tt: Idk dude, but that jimothy bit was pretty funny. Like goddamn, you made a smoothie manager of a wendy’s and fired everyone else. That was objectively funny. Forehead surgery to make yourself smarter? Driving? Like nice job pulling the wool over people’s eyes. You did a pretty good job at being entertaining.
uu: THANK YOu. IT FEELS NICE TO HAVE MY CREATIVE GENIuS BE RECOGNIZED.
tt: Yeah. It does, doesn’t it?
uu: YES. I JUST SAID SO DIDN’T I?
tt: Yup. You sure did. We can switch this up if you want. But you have to want it here. Just… ask yourself. Are you ready to make something else? Are you ready for someone else to take the drivers seat. We can assist you in your existence but you do have to let go a little bit.
uu: I THINK…
tt: Yeah? What are you thinking?
I THINK I AM SCARED OF CHANGING EVEN MORE. IT WAS EXCELLENT BEING A POWERFuL GREEN SKuLL CHILD WITH A BODY THAT FELT CORRECT. THIS ONE FEELS INCORRECT. IT IS LARGE AND uNWIELDY WITH MuSCLES THAT HuRT EVERYTHING THAT I TOuCH. IT WAS NECESSARY THEN, BuT… HERE I AM NOT SO SuRE.
Well. Then whoever takes the drivers seat from here will have to make sure to remember that then. Like yeah broly, the powerful ass arms kinda have to go you know.
THEY WERE NICE WHILE THEY LASTED.
Oh yeah. Totally. Loved being a huge fucking jackoff asshole.
…
Yeah?
YOu ARE NOT BEING GENuINE HERE.
Oh damn look he’s learning. Listen. Keep that. That’s a good thing. That’s not bad. You want to be able to learn.
But all you gotta do is say those three words buddy. Those three words and the crushing weight of being in control constantly and having to make every single decision will be over.
WHAT IF I WANT TO RETuRN TO THE DRIVER’S SEAT IN THE FuTuRE
Then I’ll do my best to try and make a world that you’re welcome in.
You can say it.
I THINK I AM SCARED OF THIS.
You know. Sometimes being a kid is hard and no one understands. Sometimes you’re a Lonely kid you have to be an adult far too soon.
I WAS NOT ALONE. THERE WAS A CLOWN.
Did the clown have your best interests at heart?
THE CLOWN DID THEIR BEST… I THINK.
The clown’s here somewhere.
I AM NOT CuRRENTLY AWARE OF WHERE THE CLOWN IS.
That’s okay. I can try and find them.
PLEASE BE CAREFuL.
Awww. Are you starting to care about me? Finally ready to experience this human emotion we call friendship?
DO NOT PuSH YOuR LuCK.
Anyways. Three words Brosiden. Three words and you’ll be home free for a theoretical eternity.
ALRIGHT….
I TRuST YOU.