Chapter Text
Esteri was growing like a weed. She smiled for the first time at two months old, while playing Peek-a-boo with Niko. They were driving through Nevada on a hot day and Niko had her laying in his lap as he played peek-a-boo with her. Joonas was half paying attention as he played on his phone when Niko’s voice caught his attention.
“Is that a smile?” Niko gasped, and suddenly every person in the back of the bus was looking at them.
“Holy shit, she’s smiling!” Olli breathed and true to his word, she was.
Esteri was staring up at Niko with a gummy, open mouth smile. Even though the smile wasn’t directed at him, it made his heart swell with love to see his daughter’s beautiful smile.
“Oh Esteri, you smile just like your papa,” Joonas said and Tommi looked up.
Olli focused on Esteri’s smile for a second before nodding in agreement. “You’re right, she does smile like Tommi.”
“It’s a beautiful smile,” Niko said. “But it looks even better on our star.”
Tommi chuckled and kissed Niko’s cheek. They spent the rest of the day trying to make her smile.
April seemed to fly by and when they did Esteri’s well baby checkup virtually, her pediatrician happily informed them that Esteri smiled early in baby terms and let them know she was developing well. Before they knew it, they were leaving the United States and going back to Europe for the tour with Electric Callboy. The German band knew they would bring their baby with them and had been excited to see her when they first arrived to join them. It had been fun to watch the guys pass around Esteri, trying to make her smile as the baby stared up at their faces, trying to focus.
As April went on she started turning her head when she heard things more often, making cooing noises, bringing her hands to her mouth more often, trying to suck on her thumb and her head and limb control got better. May came and so did the Emma Gaala. They weren’t back in Finland long but they swept the awards, bringing home six new awards to their apartment. The afterparty was the first time they had an event where they didn’t rush home to Esteri and Joonas spent the whole time texting Santeri, their babysitter for the night, much to Santeri’s annoyance.
“I finally have an easy babysitting gig for once, stop ruining it by texting me every three seconds. Go and enjoy the party,” Santeri had texted before finally refusing to text him back anything but a picture of his middle finger.
Soon May 14th hit and they were celebrating three months with their beautiful baby girl.
“I can’t believe it’s been three months already,” Joel said as he took pictures of Esteri for instagram.
“You’re telling me,” said Joonas. “It feels like just yesterday they were slicing me open.”
Olli cringed at his description of the birth but Joonas just smiled down at his little star.
May 20th, the day Aleksi unveiled his new haircut, the guys were getting ready for their show that night when an unfamiliar laugh broke through the music. Everyone’s head snapped over to the source of the laugh and there was Esteri, sitting in Mama Hokka’s lap. Mama Hokka had a look of shock and joy on her face and that’s when it hit Joonas.
“Holy fuck, Esteri did you just laugh?” Joonas asked, walking over to his daughter.
Esteri looked up at him when he approached and smiled that big gummy smile that had become familiar over the last month.
“Yes, it was her,” Mama Hokka said, a smile growing on her face as the shock faded from her features.
“How do we make her laugh again?” Olli piped up from behind him.
Until they had to leave her, they spent the rest of the night trying to make her laugh and they succeeded quite a few times. Her laugh was the most beautiful sound Joonas had ever heard. No song could compete with his baby’s laugh. They were all hesitant to leave her after such a big moment but they did it. As always the gig was fantastic and they rushed back to the bus to be with Esteri but she was fast asleep by the time the show was over.
The next day during tummy time Aleksi called them all over to see Esteri trying to roll onto her back.
“No way!” Niko cried.
“Aww poor thing, her chunk is working against her,” Joel joked as Esteri struggled.
“You can do it, little star!” Olli cheered. “C’mon, you’ve got this!”
But it wasn’t in the cards for Esteri to roll over that day. She gave up after a few seconds and instead reached for her Tommi Bear, something she’d only started doing in the past week. Niko picked it up and handed it to her. They kept a close eye on her skills for the rest of the month and watched as she started kicking during tummy time, started picking her head and chest up for more than a few seconds at a time, and she started to try imitating sounds. She kept trying to roll over as the tour ended and festival season started but for the rest of May, she had no success.
“It’s all her chub, it’s holding her down,” Joel would joke.
It had a 50/50 shot of making Joonas jump to his pup’s defense and protest that she was perfect, rolls and all. Everytime he did, Joel would roll his eyes.
“I never said she wasn’t perfect, of course she is!” Joel would scoff and Joonas would calm down.
Coming back to Finland was nice, but the Finnish press started right up with trying to get pictures of Esteri when they were out in public with her. It was annoying and upset Joonas. They put pictures of their pup up on social media but it was different. They got to choose to share those moments. It wasn’t the same paps snapping a picture of Joonas trying to calm a fussy Esteri and then an article coming out claiming Joonas couldn’t handle fatherhood.
“Ignore those pricks,” Aleksi told him. “They don’t see what an incredible mama you are.”
Joonas snuggled closer to Aleksi. “I just don’t understand how they could write some bullshit article like that. Claiming some “sources” told them I’m cracking under pressure! That’s horse shit!”
“It is,” Aleksi agreed. “You’re taking the pressure better than all the rest of us and you love her with all your heart.”
Joonas looked down and Aleksi took his chin, forcing him to meet Aleksi’s eyes.
“Listen to me, Jonttuliini,” Aleksi said firmly. “You are a great parent. Esteri adores you and so do we.”
Joonas melted a little, a sucker to the affirming words and love that was clear in Aleksi’s eyes. “Okay, Allu, I hear you.”
Aleksi relaxed. “Good,” he said and pulled Joonas into a kiss.
June 13th, the day before she turned 4 months old, Esteri rolled over for the first time. Aleksi was watching her when she tried turning again and at first it didn’t look any different than the other times, but then she started to really do it.
“Guys! Come quickly!” Aleksi cried from the living room.
Everyone rushed from all over the apartment to find Aleksi with his phone out and Esteri on her back.
“What is it? What’s going on?” Joel demanded.
“She turned over!” Aleksi exclaimed, holding up his phone. “I got it on video! Come see!”
They crowded around him and Aleksi hit play. The video was only two seconds long but it showed what Aleksi said it would. Joonas’s heart fluttered, watching the video of his chunky baby roll over.
“Fuck, she’s growing up so fast,” Joonas said.
“I know,” Tommi agreed.
“I hate it,” Olli admitted. “I just want her to stay this tiny little baby forever.”
“Oh come on guys, think of all the great things that come with her growing up,” Joel piped up. “We’ll get to introduce her to our music, take her to zoos, and watch her actually enjoy parks.”
“See her make friends,” Aleksi added.
“Exactly!” Joel exclaimed, pointing at Aleksi. “There’s so much to look forward to. This is a good thing!”
June trudged on and Esteri started to become more engrossed in her toys, get frustrated when playtime ended, hold her head steady without support, prop herself up on her elbows during tummy time, imitate expressions and even began to babble. Tommi’s birthday arrived and Mama Hokka watched her for the night while they went out drinking with friends.
Too soon it was July and they dropped Lifestyles of the Sick & Dangerous. The response was more than they could have hoped for, they were so grateful. Things got hectic between promoting the album and shows, Joonas was glad they had Mama Hokka to remind them about Esteri turning five months old. They kept an eye out for new skills but there weren’t many to speak of. She started to enjoy games like peek-a-boo a lot more, could sit up when propped up with pillows, and was starting to pick up and move objects more.
They drove up to Oulu early for Qstock to see their families. Even though Aleksi’s family was in Nummela, Aleksi didn’t mind going with them when everyone else's parents were in Oulu. They rented a hotel and got to visit with their siblings and parents, which was nice. Esteri got to see all her aunts, uncles and grandparents who smothered the baby in kisses and showered her with cuddles and new toys.
Finally Qstock arrived and their hometown show was just as good as Aleksi’s had been, if not better. Oulu’s hockey team made custom jerseys for them all, even one for Esteri. It said Porko 22 on the back and seeing her in it made Joonas emotional. Mama Hokka made sure to get pictures of Esteri in her jersey for the guys to post on social media.
July ended and August began with them still being busy with festivals all over Finland. Playing the mainstage at Wacken was crazy, as was meeting some of the musicians they’d admired for so long. Esteri had been cranky from the heat, it was the first time their daughter had been cranky at a festival and it made it harder than usual for Joonas to leave her to go perform. Mama Hokka had her, though and Joonas was confident his mother-in-law took good care of his baby girl. The day after Knotfest, Esteri turned six months old.
It was hard for Joonas to believe the little girl he gave birth to was so big. She’d grown a lot since birth, nearly doubling in weight, from 5.12 KG to 9.16 KG. To celebrate turning six months old, with Esteri finally being considered old enough, they gave her a popsicle for the first time. It was strawberry flavored and small, specifically for babies.
“C’mon Esteri, just try it,” Niko laughed, trying to get the baby to take the popsicle.
Esteri looked at the popsicle skeptically, but accepted it into her mouth. Her already large eyes widened and she made a grab for the popsicle. They all laughed. Joel was recording her, getting the whole thing on video for instagram.
“Good shit, huh?” Niko teased.
It took her a long time to finish and they watched her the whole time. Now that they got her first solid food out of the way they worked on introducing her to other soft foods like yogurt and pureed fruits and vegetables. Her favorites were pureed carrots and blueberries. As August went on, Esteri’s babbling turned into babbling back when people talked to her. It made talking to her even more fun because it was like she was trying to talk back.
“Oh yeah? Tell me more,” Olli said.
“Ba,” Esteri babbled in his lap, holding her Tommi Bear and waving it around.
“You don’t say,” he gasped dramatically.
Esteri was a very chatty baby. According to Mama Hokka, more chatty than Joel was at that age. They took this as a good sign, and encouraged it while also trying to get her to work on her other skills. She learned how to roll over from her back to her tummy, started to enjoy looking in mirrors, figured out how to pass her toys from hand to hand, began enjoying being bounced on someone’s knee, and even started responding when they said her name.
“You’re learning your name, aren’t you, Esteri?” Tommi said, having been the one to point it out to them.
She cocked her head at the sound of her name and Tommi smiled. “Yeah, you are,” he said.
Festival season ended and they started their headline European tour at the very end of August. Luckily Mama Hokka was still willing to be their nanny, because even though Esteri slept through the night now they needed the help just as much as they did back in February. Quickly it was September and they were celebrating seven months of Esteri. The closer they got to her turning a year old, the more Joonas found himself missing the newborn days and fantasizing about a new pup. He hadn’t brought up the idea to his mates yet but the thought was growing stronger with each passing month. Esteri had learned how to sit up without support, had started picking up larger objects, and her babbling continued to progress.
On one of their days off Mama Hokka insisted they have a date night after they spent the day with Esteri. They went to a little restaurant they found online and spent the night walking around, seeing the sights.
“This is nice,” Tommi said.
“Really nice,” Olli agreed, leaning against Tommi.
Joonas nodded, as much as he adored his daughter, it had been a long time since they’d gone out without her. Niko took his hand and kept it for the rest of the night. Esteri was sound asleep when they got back to the tour bus and Mama Hokka was asleep on the couch. It had been a lovely night.
Only two days later Esteri started crying nonstop, very unusual for her. They did everything they could to soothe her but the pup just wouldn’t stop crying.
“What’s wrong with her? Do we need to take her to a doctor?” Joel questioned.
“She’s probably just teething,” Mama Hokka said.
“Teething?! But isn’t she a bit young for that?” Aleksi asked.
“No, this is right about the time the first tooth comes in,” Mama Hokka said nonchalantly.
They made a stop to buy a teething ring and it worked wonders.
September turned to October and early into it, the tour came to an end, so they returned to Finland. Mama Hokka returned to Oulu and they returned to their apartment in Helsinki. They took Esteri’s Jersey they received at Qstock that no longer fit and framed it, hanging it up in her nursery. It took Esteri a few weeks to adjust to her nursery fully, so used to the tour buses she’d been on so much since she was two weeks old. By the time she was fully accustomed to her nursery she was eight month old.
They got a babysitter from an agency for the (T)error Twins birthday so they could go out. They celebrated like they did most years, getting plastered. They weren’t able to last year with Joonas’s pregnancy, so they more than made up for it. When they came back home at almost three in the morning they paid their babysitter generously and all crawled into bed.
Joel was with Esteri in the living room on October 17th, trying to get her to crawl. She laid three feet away on her hands and knees rocking back and forth, smiling.
“C’mon Esteri, come to Isä,” he said.
She just smiled at him.
Joel sighed and picked up her Tommi Bear. She perked up and he shook the little bear a little. “Come on Esteri, don’t you want to come get your bear from Isä?”
He didn’t think it would work but she put a knee forward and then a hand. His eyes widened.
“Guys! Guys, come quick!” Joel cried.
He could hear the pounding footsteps of his mates as Esteri crawled over to him.
“Holy shit!” He heard Niko shout behind him.
“Oh my god,” Aleksi gasped.
“Oh, little star,” he just barely heard Joonas whisper.
Joel didn’t dare tear his eyes away from Esteri to see his mates’ expressions. She finally made it to him and he scooped her up in his arms.
“You did it, little one! You crawled!” He cheered and kissed her chubby cheeks.
October was full of cuddles, sloppy baby kisses, and watching awful children’s educational programs. They understood the shows were good for Esteri’s development, so they withstood them, but it was brutal.
November came in with Olli and Aleksi’s birthdays. Both men insisted they didn’t need to go out for their birthdays but their mates wouldn’t hear it. They had the same babysitter from October watch her both nights and despite protests that they didn’t need to drink as much as they did on Joel and Joonas’s birthday, they did both nights. They had taken a lot of downtime in October so it was back to work on the new album in November. Esteri came with them to the studio and Johnny teased them a little about it.
“You’re so attached you can’t find childcare while you work like normal people,” he’d say and Joonas would huff at the idea.
Esteri wasn’t the warmest with Johnny at first, having become more clingy with her parents over the most recent months, but once she got used to Johnny she was her usually friendly self around him too. At nine months old, Esteri was turning the studio into her playroom. Olli was sitting with her while Tommi recorded his drums when she used the couch to pull herself up into a standing position for the first time.
Olli gasped. “Guys, look quickly!”
He heard chairs swivel and breaths catch as Tommi continued to play away. Oh shit, Tommi! Olli was just about to take a picture for Tommi when he heard the door open and another person gasp. Olli turned to look and Tommi was standing there, drumsticks in hand, staring at Esteri. Olli’s eyes darted over to Johnny who gave him a wink. That’s when Esteri’s legs gave out and she fell on her butt. They all breathed in sharply, waiting to see if she’d cry.
Esteri didn’t cry but she whimpered and held her arms up. Olli didn’t give it a second thought, he picked her up and held her close, peppering her chubby cheeks in kisses.
“You stood, little star!” He cheered into her skin. “We’re so proud of you! You did amazing!”
Esteri smiled and laughed, showing off her two teeth.
As November went on Esteri continued to show off this skill as well as learning to clap and point. When December rolled around, they were excited for Esteri’s first Christmas, but not nearly as excited as her grandparents were. They talked it out early and decided to go to Oulu for Christmas and to Nummela for New Years. They played around with the idea of going to Santa’s Village but with Esteri only being ten months old, they decided not to. They bought Esteri new toys for Christmas, making sure to get ones that would be good not just for her entertainment for her growth as well. The week before Christmas they drove up to Oulu with Esteri all bundled up in her car seat and checked into a hotel. Throughout the week they bounced from house to house, seeing each set of families that lived in Oulu. On Christmas Eve they took Esteri out to see the Christmas lights and Joel took tons of pictures of their baby girl entranced by the lights. They’d agreed to hit each house on Christmas Day so when the day finally hit they started off by going to the Porko residence for breakfast.
Joonas’s Mom greeted them at the door, while his Dad and Papa cooked breakfast.
“Jonttuliini, hand over that sweet baby!” She ordered, holding her hands out for Esteri.
Joonas passed her over and Esteri stared up at her grandmother with a confused facial expression. Mama Porko smiled down at her first grandchild and then ushered them into the house.
They had a large breakfast together with Joonas’s brother and sister. Once everyone had finished eating they went to the Christmas tree and opened presents. Joonas got a certificate for a free massage from his parents, some books on how to parenthood from his sister and a new pair of shoes from his brother. They helped Esteri open her gifts and Joonas wondered if his parents had even considered listening to their request to get Esteri no more than three gifts. She got all sorts of new toys and clothes. As soon as they were done it was off to the next house. They continued like this until the Lalli home where they had lunch, and then the Matela house, their last house for the day.
They had dinner with the Matelas and then Olli’s mom commented on Esteri’s hair.
“It’s gotten so long, you could put it up now,” she said.
“Oh Mom, you should!” Olli’s sister said.
So Mama Matela got out a little hair tie and put Esteri’s hair up in her first ever ponytail. It was up on the top of her head like a little sprout, and Joel insisted on taking pictures of Esteri for instagram because she looked so cute. They wrapped up with presents and returned to the hotel for the night. There had been more gifts for Esteri then they hoped but Esteri had enjoyed the attention and getting to rip the paper. Her favorite of all the presents had been a stuffed dog twice the size of her from Niko’s younger brother Joona. Esteri fell asleep hugging it that night.
They drove back up to Helsinki the next day and on the 30th they drove to Nummela. They spent New Years Eve with Aleksi’s family and had Esteri have her very first sleepover at her grandma’s house so they could have the hotel room to themselves that night. They stopped by for Esteri in the morning, who was crying for them from the moment she woke up to the moment they picked her up.
“Oh, little star,” Aleksi said when he took her from his mother.
Esteri’s face was red from crying and she looked miserable. The pup buried her face in her pa’s shirt, sniffling pathetically.
“Thanks for watching her, Mom,” Aleksi said to his mom, gently rocking his daughter in his arms.
His mom brushed it off and invited them in for breakfast before they made their trip back to Helsinki.
They continued to work on their new album as January went on. On January 15th, Tommi was watching Esteri while Aleksi and Joonas made dinner. Joel, Niko, and Olli were in the living room with them but they were distracted with their phones, so Tommi focused on Esteri. She was working on pulling herself into a standing position using the couch when she started walking, holding onto the couch.
“Guys, look!” Tommi exclaimed, making the others look up and see Esteri cruising over to Tommi.
“Holy shit!” Joel cried and started recording her. “Joonas, Aleksi, get in here!”
The kitchen door opened and they came out. Joonas gasped and Aleksi’s eyes widened. Once Esteri made her way to Tommi, Tommi picked her up.
“That was incredible!” Niko said.
“She’s getting so big, she can do so much now,” Joonas said.
“Yeah, but it’s a good thing! It’s exciting!” Joel piped up.
Only a week later Joonas was playing with Esteri when Esteri said her first word.
“Mama,” Esteri said.
Joonas felt his heart stop. “What did you say?”
“Mama!”
Joonas felt tears prickle up in his eyes. “Guys! Guys you need to come here!”
The others came running to the living room.
“What is it?” Niko asked.
“Esteri, do it again,” Joonas urged her.
She just sat there for a moment until finally “Mama!” Everyone gasped and Joonas broke into full tears. Aleksi and Olli rushed to his side and hugged him while Niko, Joel and Tommi praised Esteri for her new skill.
“She said Mama,” Joonas whispered.
“We heard her love,” Olli said gently. “Isn’t it incredible?”
Joonas nodded with a sniffle. It was incredible, but he wasn’t ready for his baby girl to be growing up so fast. Later, when he was out smoking with Aleksi, he shared his feelings with his fellow omega.
“It’s hard watching her grow, but just remember all the wonderful things that will come from it,” Aleksi tried to cheer him up.
“I’ve been thinking for a while now that with Esteri getting older, I want another pup,” Joonas admitted.
Aleksi stilled. “So soon?”
Joonas nodded. “I know you wanted our pups to be more spread out, but I’m ready to have another one as soon as you are.”
Aleksi nodded. “Thank you for coming to me about this. I’ll let you know as soon as I’m ready.”
January continued on with the work of their album, Esteri learning to wave, and even follow simple instructions. February rolled around and they prepared for Esteri’s first birthday. They decided to throw a small party, consisting of everyone’s families, at a park in Helsinki. They were going to have a cupcake for Esteri and a cake for everyone else to share.
February 14th, 2023 they all gathered in the park. Joonas carried Esteri into the park while Tommi and Olli carried the food, and Niko carried their gift for Esteri. As Joonas held his baby in his arms, it was hard to believe a year ago he was having a c-section and bringing her into the world. Within minutes Joonas was swarmed by all their moms who came to celebrate Esteri’s birthday with them and Esteri was being passed off from grandma to grandma.
The party was lowkey and nice. They ate cake and talked about Esteri’s first year, Joel pulling out pictures on his phone to show off as if Esteri wasn’t right there. They sang her Happy Birthday and gave Esteri her first cupcake which she devoured and managed to get frosting all over her cheeks. Thankfully there were a lot less gifts than there had been on Christmas, though many of the toys were music themed and Joonas wondered how long it would take Tommi to take out the batteries. After the cupcake and gifts Tommi pushed Esteri on the swings for a bit as everything winded down and everyone prepared for their long rides home. They were the last ones at the park, just the pack and their pup.
“So, I wanted to talk to you guys about something,” Aleksi brought up as they headed back to the car.
“Sure, Allu,” Niko said. “What’s up?”
“I want another pup,” Aleksi admitted and everyone stilled.
Joonas broke into a giant grin. “Really?” He asked excitedly and Aleksi nodded.
“Are we sure we’re ready for that?” Olli asked. “A newborn and a one year old will be difficult.”
“Can’t be as hard as taking a newborn on tour,” Joel said.
“Well, I’m down for it,” Niko said.
“Me too,” Joonas said quickly.
“Count me in,” Joel added.
Tommi nodded and Olli smiled. “You know I could never say no.”
Aleksi smiled and tickled Esteri’s belly, making her laugh. “You hear that, little star? We’re going to make you a big sister.”