Archive of Our Own

It’s a disgustingly rainy afternoon on the third Wednesday of May, and Sunghoon is sitting at his desk in the corner of the art studio, working busily on his still life painting with both earbuds in. He can’t wait to go home, but every time he checks the time, only a few minutes have gone by. So he gives up eventually, putting his phone face-down on the dusty wooden table and forfeiting to his responsibilities. 

Sunghoon hates Wednesdays, but it’s different from the shared hatred that the rest of the world has–he just despises the fact that it’s right dead center in the middle of the week, and on most occasions, he’s already drained of energy by that point. It doesn’t help that he has art class on Wednesdays, he thinks to himself bitterly, and he bites his lip, feeling his heart rate increase with frustration. 

He feels like he’s suffocating. It’s too hot in the studio, and the rising anger pumping through his veins does not help. He has an urge to smash something up; to scream with every ounce of power in his lungs until there’s nothing left. 

He just wants to go home. 

There’s a hushed conversation going on somewhere behind him, but he forces his brain to push it aside and keep working. It isn't out of the ordinary for people to gossip in the studio, especially ones who went to the same school, so he ignores it as best as he can and continues mixing colors on his palette paper. 

Except, after a few more minutes, he begins to get frustrated with his painting. Nothing seems to be going right with it today—the fruits don’t look vibrant enough. The background is the wrong shade of cream. His paint keeps drying out on his palette, and he’s almost out of yellow, which he needs more of desperately. 

With a huff, he throws his paintbrush back into the cup of brown water standing tall on his desk, watching the paint explode and expand throughout the liquid as the bristles of the brush collide with the bottom of the cup. He needs a break, or he may go insane. The fact that it’s raining outside does not help either, and Sunghoon wants to blame his shitty performance on the shitty weather, so he does. 

The voices in the background have increased in decibels now, and Sunghoon tries to tune it out once more, but in the end, his earbuds can never completely block out the noise. So he forfeits to the loudness of the voices and his own curiosity as to what they’re talking about, carefully plucking out one earbud and letting it fall into his lap. He turns down the volume of his music a few notches and begins concentrating on the voices instead. 

The voices are unfamiliar, and Sunghoon quickly decides that no, they aren’t any of his friends that are normally at the studio. He vaguely remembers Sunoo sending him a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make it because he came down with a cough, and nods to himself for confirming his theory. Sunghoon does have other friends here, but they’re all in a different room, so the two voices currently conversing can’t be any of his other friends. 

He listens to what they’re saying anyway. 

He hates to admit it, but he’s nosy—he has to know all the drama, even if it doesn’t involve him in the slightest. 

“That’s so fucking stupid,” one of the voices says, and Sunghoon can hear the owner of the voice sigh and slump back in their chair. The voice is soft but deep, the swear words coming out guttural and passionate. Sunghoon shivers slightly at the voice’s harsh tone and swallows, turning his music down another notch. 

“I know, right?” The other voice says. It’s higher-pitched than the other one, and much more expressive. “Like, why does he have to ignore me? I'd rather just straight-up get rejected than have to deal with him anymore.” 

 Oh, dear. Sunghoon’s dreadfully familiar with this type of language, and he immediately knows it's crush drama—enough late nights with a drunk Sunoo have helped him come to this conclusion, and he purses his lips, curious on what the two voices will continue to say. 

“Well,” the first voice says. “have you guys even been talking lately?” 

“Ugh, I don’t even know if it can be counted as talking…he keeps giving me one-word replies and ignoring my calls. It’s as if we were never a thing at all. And I mean—“ the second voice pauses, shifting around in his chair. “Technically, we weren’t…but, still! It was close enough that it’s wrong for him to start treating me like this now.”

“Yeah, I agree. He’s being fucking ridiculous. I mean, wasn’t he the one who confessed first?” 

A fist slams onto a table and Sunghoon flinches. “Exactly! That’s what I don’t get!”

At this point, Sunghoon’s completely invested, the painting on his easel long forgotten. He’s sitting with his legs stretched out and hands in his lap, listening intently to the strangers’ conversation with his back still turned. 

“And I can’t believe that girl from my class is trying to get with him now,” The second voice scoffs. “I mean, she really had the balls to ask him on a date when she knew I was still talking to him?. God, I’m so annoyed…” 

Another heavy sigh. “It’s okay, hyung. He’s just an asshole. They both are. You’ll find someone better, you know. Everyone at our school is bland anyway.” 

The second voice doesn’t reply, and Sunghoon takes this time to shoot up from his seat, grab his cup of dirty paint water, and start walking to the bathroom to bring a new cup. On his way, though, he sneaks a quick glance at the two talking boys. 

The one sitting on the left, who Sunghoon assumes is the first voice, is dressed in all black techwear, with a few chains and nicely styled hair. He has sharp eyes and plump lips, and he sticks out like a sore thumb from the rest of the students at the studio. A red duffel bag is thrown limply at his feet, half-stuffed under the table, and Sunghoon can tell that this boy is a dancer. He’s not really sure what a dancer is doing at an art studio, but he supposes he doesn’t really need to know. 

Sunghoon’s eyes wander over to the second boy, and his breath catches in his throat. He nearly trips over his own feet and drops his cup of water. 

The second boy, who Sunghoon assumes is the higher-pitched and more expressive voice, is beautiful— Sunghoon thinks this boy could be the most gorgeous boy he’s ever seen in his life, and he’s seen a lot of boys, as he attends an all-boys school and has been for most of his life. 

The boy has chestnut brown hair, thick eyebrows, a sharply angled nose, large eyes, and pretty pink lips with an arched Cupid’s bow. He’s clad in a school uniform, but the maroon-and-black striped tie is loose and undone, which Sunghoon thinks adds to the look. His shoes are old platform converse that are nearly tearing at the seams, and he’s holding a large paintbrush in one hand, the other still curled up into a fist. 

As much as Sunghoon wants to keep staring, he doesn’t—instead, he quickly walks out of the room and heads for the bathroom at the other end of the studio, speeding down the long hallway until he reaches it. 

He empties his cup into the dirty, paint-stained sink and lets out the breath he’s been holding, mindlessly rinsing out the cup and filling it up with clean water while he replays whatever the hell just happened. 

What the hell? 

Sunghoon thought he was familiar with everyone in the studio. It’s not a very big place to begin with, which meant that there were only a few students per grade. And Sunghoon’s had plenty of time to get accustomed to his fellow peers, even taking the time to reach out to people from other grades. He’s seen only familiar faces since freshman year, and this seriously disorients him. 

Where did these people come from?

He squeezes his eyes shut and the memory of the brown-haired boy with the loose tie pops back up, his brain projecting the image on full display in Sunghoon’s vision. 

He wants the image to go away because nothing about this boy should stand out to him at all, but it doesn’t work. The boy’s face is burned into Sunghoon’s mind, serving as a slightly unpleasant reminder of how much of a hopeless romantic Sunghoon is. 

He returns to his seat with a fresh cup of water, taking another quick peek at the boy. He and his friend are hunched over their own separate projects now, and Sunghoon takes this as a sign to start up his own work again and pick up the pace a bit. 

So he does just that (as best he can, without thinking about the brown-haired boy or his loose tie). 

Damn, Sunghoon thinks to himself bitterly, picking up his paintbrush once again. He’s so fucking handsome. I hope I start seeing him around here more. 

Thankfully, the universe seems to be on his side. 

For now, at least. 

—

To Sunghoon’s delight, he does end up seeing the boy around the studio a few more times over the next month or so. 

It’s nothing much—a quick peek from his seat when he gets up for a break, a glance at the cafe downstairs where the boy normally gets his afternoon iced tea, when they pass each other in the hallway. And maybe it’s just the fact that Sunghoon hasn’t had a proper crush on anyone in years, but he’s having way too much fun with this whole thing. They don’t even speak to each other; in fact, neither of them acknowledge each other in the slightest, but this gives Sunghoon all the more reason to pine over him, the adrenaline rush of seeing the boy’s face enough to keep him going throughout the brutal weeks. It gives him another reason to show up on time to the studio, as opposed to his ten-minute-late schedule. When he arrives, the boy is always there, standing over his desk and gathering supplies for his project that Sunghoon hasn’t gotten to take a look at yet. And at the end of class, Sunghoon catches a glimpse of the boy with his black tote bag, hurriedly walking out of the studio after saying goodbye to the teachers. 

(Not that Sunghoon would know. He definitely doesn’t spend his spare time watching the boy and memorizing his schedule, definitely not.)

It isn’t until the studio’s summer program starts that he realizes he might actually get to speak to the boy. 

He’s standing in the hallway, working on his life-size painting (that had to be hung in the hallway because there was no space at his seat) when Sunoo pokes him in the back to get his attention. 

He jumps and whirls around, shoving Sunoo away with a yelp. “Ah! What the hell?!” 

Sunoo throws his head back in laughter and slumps against the wall. “Oh, man! Got you good!” 

Sunghoon’s face goes pink and he clears his throat, trying to forget about how embarrassingly high his voice just got. He rolls his eyes and takes one side of his headphones off. “Shut up. What do you want from me? I’m busy.” 

His tone is mean but sarcastic, and Sunoo picks up on it quickly, because he continues to stay and talk. “So, what are we thinking of for lunch tomorrow?” He stares at his fingernails, picking at them mindlessly. “More people are going to start coming tomorrow. Jongseong-hyung is back from his trip and everyone who only comes on wednesdays, thursdays, and fridays is coming too.” 

“Uh, before that…” Sunghoon says, turning down the volume of his music. “Yeah, I know about Jongseong, but who are the others?” 

Sunoo groans, shifting his weight to his other leg. “Never an easy conversation with you, huh…you don’t know them. Now choose a food or you’re being excluded from the order.” 

“Hey!” Sunghoon protests. “I’m like, the least pickiest eater here. You know I won’t be able to choose anything anyway. Now answer the question.” 

“Fine,” Sunoo rolls his eyes. “Well, since you already know Jongseong we’ll skip over him. Um…do you know Jaeyun? Sim Jaeyun. He hasn’t been coming here for too long, a little over a month maybe. I’m pretty sure he sits in your room.” 

Sunghoon blinks. His room? Could it be? 

“Uh, I might,” he says slowly, like he’s talking to a baby. He finally caves in and takes his entire headset off, letting it rest on his shoulders. “What does he look like?” 

Sunoo stares at the ceiling absentmindedly, lips pushing outward into a pout. “Kind of short? Not really, but definitely shorter than you. And a bit more muscular. Lighter brown hair, always wears his tie really loose.” He smirks at the jab to Sunghoon’s build, but pretends not to notice the older’s glare, counting the ceiling tiles like stars. “Oh, and also the kid that hangs around him, he’s going to be coming too. Riki? Always wears black. Carries that ugly red bag around. You’ve probably seen them together. Actually, don’t they both sit in your room?” 

“Uh…” Sunghoon muses, a blurry image of the two gossipers flashing in his vision. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” 

Sunoo’s eyes darted around before leaning in closer, as if he were telling a secret. “Something about Jaeyun? He’s Korean, but he’s from Australia. And, he’s amazing at art and super hot too. Well, according to Jungwon he is. But Jungwon finds everyone hot.” He smirks, elbowing Sunghoon in the stomach slightly. “You should look into that last part, you know.” 

“I—“ Sunghoon blurts, pushing Sunoo’s arm away from his vicinity. The younger throws him a shit-eating grin that Sunghoon knows he isn’t going to win against, so he just clears his throat awkwardly and huffs. “Hmph. Well, you know what? Maybe I will.” 

Sunoo snorts at that, his mood changing in the blink of an eye. “I was just kidding, but if you actually find Jaeyun hot, just say so. You’re so fucking obvious it’s funny. And kind of sad.” He sighs, shifting his weight again. “Well, anyway, they’re coming tomorrow, and they will be joining us for lunch from now on. Courtesy of me, of course.” 

Sunghoon squawks and hits Sunoo on the shoulder playfully, his entire face flushing red. “You asshole! Stop assuming! How do you even know them, anyway?” 

Sunoo smiles, cocking his head. “I’ve been friends with them ever since I saw them at school—I think Riki’s dance team was going up against ours or something, and Jaeyun was tagging along. You know me, I can’t resist making new friends. And then I saw them here and we got a lot closer.” 

And that, Sunghoon can’t deny, so he sighs and turns back to his painting, wishing he had that skill. He sighs and puts his headset back on, positioning the cushy parts over his ears. “Whatever. I'm embarrassed now, go away.” 

“Alright, fine,” Sunoo giggles, straightening up and cracking his neck. “I’ll just ask someone else to choose a restaurant, then. If you don’t mind, that is.” 

And then he’s gone, leaving Sunghoon alone with his own swirling thoughts. 

So, Sunoo had been friends with his big fat crush all this time, and Sunghoon never knew. But he supposes he can’t really be surprised—the kid befriends every person, animal, or thing to ever cross his path, not to mention attract people to him with his adorable and bubbly personality. He’s more surprised at the fact that Sunoo never brought up the topic of new students at the studio, because he tells Sunghoon everything, from his love life to some random video he saw on the internet that made him laugh so hard he cried. 

Well, whatever, Sunghoon thinks. Probably slipped his mind. It’s not really important anyway. 

Annoyed as he is, there’s no reason to dwell on this fact. All he has to do from now is befriend Jaeyun himself. 

Unless his nerves cause him to chicken out, that is. He shakes his head quickly, trying to rid his brain of the thought that he might miss his opportunity because of his awkward personality. 

Be more like Sunoo. From now on, you’re an extrovert. 

He hopes he’ll be able to keep his word. 

—

Their first real interaction winds up being almost as awkward as Sunghoon is, but lucky for him, Jaeyun is the complete opposite. 

For some reason, Sunghoon’s alarm doesn’t wake him up this morning, and instead, he ends up stirring awake to the stripe of sunlight that falls across his face because Sunoo had already drawn the blinds an hour earlier. He squeezes his eyes shut at the white brightness that floods his vision and groans, rolling back onto his stomach and burying his face into the mattress. He’s got no perception of time right now, and he kind of wants to stay like this forever. 

He’s exhausted. He doesn’t want to do anything today, but he doesn’t have any other choice than to go to the studio. He’s got too many projects to work on right now to be slacking off. 

He hears distant footsteps from the hallway and quickly associates it with Sunoo because of their quick pace, and at the sound, he blinks himself awake because he knows there’ll be hell to pay if Sunoo thinks he’s still sleeping. 

But he’s too late. The fox-eyed boy is already in the room, glowering over the bed.  

“Get the hell up already, will you?”

Fuck. 

Sunghoon overslept again . And this time, he’s really screwed—though he’s half asleep and severely disoriented from leaping out of bed so aggressively, a distinct memory of his teacher scolding him floats around his brain, telling him that the next time he showed up late would lead to serious consequences. The face is blurry and spotty, lingering in Sunghoon’s vision while he scrambles to wash his face and brush his teeth, and he rubs his eyes to try and get the terrifying image to disperse. It only half works, and he scowls at his reflection in the mirror, a bleary-eyed mess frowning back at him. 

 He shuffles back into his room and throws on an old shirt he’d received back in freshman year, not caring if it smelled or not. He’ll probably end up getting paint on it anyway, he thinks to himself bitterly. He’s made that mistake too many times. Now, he only wears his least favorite shirts to class. It doesn’t stop the pain of getting stains on them, but he figures it’ll get better with time. He’s already lost too many good clothing items to acrylic paint, and he’d rather sacrifice an old shirt than one from the expensive department store down the road. 

“Yah, Park Sunghoon! Hurry the fuck up!” Sunoo screeches from the foyer. “If you’re not out in two minutes I’m leaving! It’s already 9:15!” 

Sunghoon groans as he tugs on old basketball shorts, simultaneously fluffing his hair and trying to make it look as presentable as possible. “Coming!” 

Finally, he snatches his phone, keys, and ugly tote bag from the hook next to his door, leaving the room in a hurry. Sunoo is practically out the front door at this point, and Sunghoon follows close behind, making sure the alarm is on before finally shutting the door behind him. 

He doesn’t have time to catch his breath until the two are on the subway, huffing and wheezing like a couple of smokers that tried to run a mile. 

“Jeez,” he gasps, leaning back into the cold plastic of the subway seat. “It is way too fucking hot outside. And we are damn lucky we caught this.” 

In the seat to him, Sunoo gulps down water and sighs. “For fucking real.” He wipes his lips with the back of his hand. “It’s like Satan’s asshole out there, fuck.” 

Sunghoon snorts, shoving Sunoo playfully. “The hell! How’d you even come up with that?” 

Sunoo chortles in response, and Sunghoon lets all the breath in his lungs escape as the icy breeze of the subway’s air conditioner fans his face. 

He pulls out his phone to check the time and, thank fuck, he’s not going to be late. He’s gotta hand it to Sunoo—ever since they started rooming together, he’s never missed a subway. For some reason, the fox-eyed boy had taken the time to memorize nearly every subway schedule, and for that, Sunghoon is eternally grateful. 

“Hey, don't forget,” Sunoo suddenly says, shattering Sunghoon’s stream of consciousness rudely. “More people today. There’s enough space at the table, right?” 

Sunghoon coughs out of surprise. “Uh, I think so?” His eyebrows furrow, trying to remember the number of chairs at the designated lunch table. “I don’t remember. We probably have enough, though.”

Sunoo gives Sunghoon a sly smile, shifting his position to a more nonchalant one. “Hm. Well, if you want me to put you and Jaeyun next to each other, let me know. I’ll be happy to help.” 

The subway pulls into their stop at the same time Sunghoon chokes on air from what Sunoo had just said. 

The two make it to class with a minute to spare, nearly crashing through the door in a fit of giggles at how close they cut it. 

“Oh, man,” Sunghoon laughs, wiping a tear from the corner of his eye. “I can’t believe we made it.”

“That fucking couple…” Sunoo shakes his fist in the air in mock anger. “Ugh, they were so annoying. I hate slow walkers. And people in love.” 

Sunghoon nods in agreement. “Seriously.” 

Their teacher gives them a wary look as they head to their workstations, but Sunghoon tries to ignore it, instead bowing his head in quick greeting and immediately turning back around. 

Sunghoon’s desk is a fucking mess—random papers and reference photos scattered everywhere, various writing and drawing tools mixing together in different corners of the flat wooden surface, an old takeout soup from two weeks ago that he’s too afraid to touch or throw away. He hates it, but at the same time he can’t even be bothered to spend five minutes cleaning all this shit up. He’s pretty much decided he’ll live with all the garbage, because it actually does help him think better—overly organized environments tend to stress him out. He finds solace in disorganization. He needs to be somewhere he can feel at home; a place that Sunoo would definitely not approve of but lives with anyway. And by never bothering to clear off his desk, he’s doing just that. 

Except, there’s something missing. Sunghoon’s desk may be cluttered, but he knows where everything is—the order of the papers stacked in the corner, the amount of pencils and paintbrushes that are dispersed throughout the area, even the angle of which he’d left his container of glue. 

Then it hits him. His roll of masking tape is gone. 

Normally, he wouldn’t be alarmed. Sunoo and Jungwon take his stuff all the time, and even Jongseong borrows his things every once in a while, though asking beforehand is never guaranteed. Because they all know—despite its appearance—that Sunghoon’s desk has all the materials any art student could need. 

But this time, something is different. The entire roll of tape is gone, rather than just a piece. And Sunghoon wouldn’t have cared if the tape wasn't his. But it is; he’d bought it from the arts and crafts store with his own precious money, and his eyebrows crease in annoyance as he begins walking to Sunoo’s desk to see if the little shit stole it as a prank or something. 

Except, he can’t leave the room. Someone’s blocking the exit who was presumably trying to enter. 

Sunghoon mumbles out an “excuse me” before trying to walk around the figure, but a sudden hand on his chest stops him. 

He tenses up almost immediately, physical touch never being one of his favorite things, and flinches at the unexpected contact. “What the—“ he starts, pulling back quickly. “Excuse me, what are you—“

He angles his head as far away from the figure as possible, against the door frame, and cranes his neck, trying his best to minimize contact with the mystery person and identify them all at the same time. Finally, his eyes pan over to the figure’s and—

Oh. 

Oh.

Time stops. Hell freezes over. 

Sunghoon’s hearing goes blank like a bomb went off. 

The boy that stands before him is, undeniably, Sim Jaeyun, in the flesh. And he’s even more beautiful up close, to Sunghoon’s both delight and horror. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen. 

And then he realizes—Jaeyun’s hand is on his chest, blocking him from the outer hallway. Sunghoon gulps and prays that he isn’t able to feel his racing heart (he probably can), blinking a few extra times to make sure he isn’t dreaming. 

He’s not. And he can’t tell if that’s good or bad. 

Jaeyun blinks back at Sunghoon slowly, like he was trying to tame a cat. “Um…sorry about that, I meant to tap your shoulder but you were moving kinda fast and…” he says softly, gently removing his hand from Sunghoon’s pounding chest. He touches the back of his neck sheepishly and his head tilts to match the angle of his arm. “H-hey, you’re Park Sunghoon, right?” 

For some reason, it takes Sunghoon an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize that yes, Jaeyun is in fact talking to him. God, how stupid is he? 

“Oh! Oh, yeah. That’s me,” he blurts, the words falling from his mouth dumbly. His cheeks go red at his own stupidity and he shifts his weight, now leaning against the doorframe so that his legs don’t give out under him. He doesn’t know where to look, so he settles for Jaeyun’s perfectly pointed nose. The view isn’t half bad. 

Jaeyun sighs in relief and his entire body noticeably relaxes, his arm falling back to his side. “Oh, thank god. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d just touched some random person that wasn’t you. Uh…” he lifts his other hand, and Sunghoon notices he’s holding the missing roll of tape, Sunghoon’s name scrawled carelessly all over it. “This is yours, right?”

Sunghoon’s eyes shift from Jaeyun’s (perfect) nose to the tape dangling from his thick fingers. “Yeah, it is,” he chuckles flatly, throat having gone dry during the entire interaction. “I was just looking for it. Glad you have it, now I won’t have to look.” 

The boy’s gaze falls a bit, and he purses his lips. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I asked the teacher if there was tape anywhere, and she just took me to your seat and told me to take it. I was heading here to put it back…ah, sorry, I should’ve asked.”

“N-no!” Sunghoon nearly yells, and Jaeyun blinks at him in surprise. “I mean—“ he clears his throat before trying again, quieter this time. “No, it’s fine, people take my stuff without asking all the time. As long as you return it, I don’t really care.” 

He closes his mouth and stares at Jaeyun nervously, hoping he wouldn’t think weirdly of him. It’s been ages since Sunghoon’s had to talk face-to-face with someone he’d been embarrassingly crushing on, and this scenario isn’t particularly something he’d planned for, so he’s awkward—he’s always had problems with first impressions. He wishes he wasn’t so awful at small talk. 

Instead of frowning, though, Jaeyun gives Sunghoon a wide, toothy grin. Sunghoon can see nearly his entire set of teeth for a few seconds, including his long canines, which sort of made him look like a happy dog. “Wow, I’ve never seen any art student so willing to share their materials…the last time something like this happened, I got cursed out. Thanks! I appreciate it!” 

He leans over, places the tape on Sunghoon’s desk, and straightens back up, his piercing eyes staring right through Sunghoon’s blank gaze. “I’m Jaeyun, by the way. Sim Jaeyun. I’m new here; I just moved from Australia two months ago.” He extends his hand as far as it can go without poking Sunghoon, as they’re still situated in the narrow doorway. “Nice to meet you! Let’s be friends!” 

Sunghoon doesn’t exactly know how to tell Jaeyun that he already knows his name, so he says nothing and freezes up for a few seconds. But Jaeyun’s smile doesn’t drop, and his muscles loosen at the sight. And before things get any more awkward, he takes Jaeyun’s hand (which is endearingly warm, despite the studio’s air conditioner cranking out cold air in a consistent breeze) and shakes it, lips upturned in a small smile. 

“Sure. Friends.” 

Jaeyun breaks the handshake and pumps it in the air excitedly. “Awesome! Another friend!” He giggles, and Sunghoon can’t help but grin at the adorable action. It’s been such a long time since Sunghoon’s felt this genuine energy from someone, and it’s strange, but he feels all warm and fuzzy inside, like he’s curled up in a blanket drinking hot chocolate on a snowy day. 

“So, uh…” Jaeyun starts, interrupting Sunghoon’s train of thought. “I’d love to stay and chat, but…” he nods his head towards the teacher, whose back is turned. “I probably have to get back to work…”

Sunghoon blinks, shoving his hands into his shorts. “Oh, right…” he coughs. “Me too. Uh, nice meeting you. See you at lunch?” 

Jaeyun smiles again. “For sure. Might come around before then, who knows.” 

And, before Sunghoon can blink again, he’s gone, disappearing down the hallway and into the computer room. 

Sim Jaeyun. It has a nice ring to it, Sunghoon decides, images of the boy’s smiling face flashing in and out of his vision. He stares at the empty space where Jaeyun had just been standing, beginning to replay whatever just happened. He doesn’t want to move on from it yet. But the universe has other plans for him at the moment.

“Hmmm,” a voice suddenly hums from behind him. “What do we have here?”

“Ah!” Sunghoon barks in shock. He whirls around and comes face-to-face with Sunoo, who’s got a creepy smirk plastered across his normally fluffy cheeks. Jongseong stands close behind him with a lollipop between his lips, and Sunghoon lets out a heavy sigh. “What are you two doing?! Don’t you have work to do?”

Jongseong shrugs lazily, shifting his weight to one leg and spinning the stick of his candy between his fingers. “Eh. Not really in the mood for it right now, though.” 

Sunghoon rolls his eyes and turns to look at Sunoo, who’s still smirking at him. “Right. And what about you?” 

Sunoo wiggles his eyebrows, and Sunghoon knows what he’s about to say, so he just lets it happen. Trying to avoid this conversation will only delay it further, and that’s the last thing he wants. “Well? How is he?” 

…Never mind. Cue the delay. 

Sunghoon chuckles sarcastically, turning back around and heading for his desk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sunoo sighs dramatically. “Come on, hyung. You know exactly what I’m talking about. So answer me.” He unwraps a lollipop of his own, strawberry flavored, and pops it in his mouth, tapping his foot impatiently. 

“Go ‘way,” Sunghoon replies flatly, flopping down in his cheap plastic chair that’s on the verge of snapping in half. “I actually have work to do today. Leave me alone and maybe I’ll tell you later.” 

“Ugh! Fine. So rude,” Sunoo scoffs, but he turns on his heel and goes back to his desk anyway. “Let’s go, hyung.” 

 Sunghoon laughs to himself at the pink-haired boy’s reaction and puts on his headphones, careful not to mess up his hair. As his music starts to blast, he picks up his pencil and begins drawing, the world blending into itself around him as he sketches. There’s nothing left except for him, his desk, his music, and his project, and he thinks this is his favorite feeling in the world. 

(He tries to ignore Jaeyun’s grinning face replaying in his memory. Spoiler alert: it doesn’t really work. He just pretends it does.) 

—

Somehow, Sunghoon finds himself at Jaeyun’s house the following Friday. 

Honestly, he’s not even sure how they became so close within two weeks, but hell, he’s not complaining—it’s all thanks to Jaeyun’s inability to feel any awkwardness ever, which is a pleasant and refreshing trait that Sunghoon failed to see in many of his past…love interests. 

(Well, not that he’s had many anyway, but the point still stands.)

Sunghoon’s sitting at his corner seat like normal, trying to make the fruits in his still life painting more colorful when his phone buzzes. At first, he ignores it like he usually does, but it continues to vibrate, the text tone cutting into his music impatiently. So he forfeits and picks up his phone, opening it to the cause of the buzzing. 

Jaeyun 🐶

Hey, you there?

I’m staying in town alone for dinner tonight

Was wondering if you had restaurant recs or something haha

Sunghoon frowns, his eyebrows furrowing in curiosity. Normally, Jaeyun isn’t the type to announce this type of business, preferring to keep his personal time to himself. The two usually talk about other things like school and drama, so this is new to Sunghoon. 

He starts typing back with enthusiasm, hoping it wouldn’t show too much in his messages. 

Yeah I’m here, what’s up

Ur gonna be alone? Why??

Jaeyun 🐶

Roommate’s gonna be out, so he just told me to eat here before I head back

And everyone’s just going home after class so I’m going alone :( 

Sunghoon frowns at that. Didn't he have other people to ask to accompany him? He’s pretty sure none of the others have plans after class today, and he finds it strange that Jaeyun would relay this information to him rather than Sunoo or Riki, who he seems to be closer with. 

He purses his lips before he sends another message. 

I’ll go with you!

After hitting the send button, he holds his breath unconsciously in hopes that Jaeyun’s reply would be positive. And while there isn’t really any reason for it not to be, he’s nervous anyway. 

Jaeyun 🐶

Oooh you will?? 

Yeah, why not? 

Sunoo won’t care when I get home…i don’t think lol 

Jaeyun 🐶

Where do you live? Like the area

Rly not far from here, near Hongdae

It’s a simple subway ride don’t worry 

Jaeyun 🐶

Hmmm okayyy 

Wanna go eat at the town near my house instead of here? It’s only two subway stops away, won’t really make a difference in your commute home haha

Sunghoon finally lets out the breath he’s been holding, all the air escaping his lungs in relief. 

Yeah, sure !!

Jaeyun 🐶

Okayyy yay

Subway’s at 7:15

Nice

This is a cute lil last minute date

Jaeyun 🐶

Haha shut up

It is a date pretty much 

Sunghoon can’t believe he just said whatever he just said, but it seems to have worked out in his favor, so he takes it as a win and grins widely to himself, shaking his head fondly and putting his phone back down on his desk. 

The remaining thirty minutes of class goes by quicker than Sunghoon can keep up with, and suddenly, he finds himself walking alongside Jaeyun to the subway station. 

It’s a nice evening—the sun is almost done setting, but not so much that it’s gone dark. There’s still a decent amount of light powering up the sky, and the clouds are streaked with purple and pink, looking like funny little pieces of cotton candy floating around in the air. It matches Sunghoon’s mood; he feels like he’s floating instead of walking. He’s too afraid to look next to him, because he knows he’ll lose his composure if, god forbid, he makes eye contact with Jaeyun. So he settles for looking slightly in the shorter boy’s direction, but not at an angle where their eyes can meet. However, it’s enough to let Jaeyun know he’s listening, and he can tell that the boy picks up on this fact, because he continues to talk about his family and school life and whatnot while walking at the same time. 

It’s endearing. Sunghoon loves how Jaeyun talks—it's captivating, and he can’t help but turn all his attention to the brown-haired boy when he’s going on about random topics that mildly interest him. It makes up for the fact that Sunghoon isn’t a great talker and that he’s awkward and generally terrible at small talk, and he thanks his lucky stars that Jaeyun is able to keep a conversation going with his social stamina (that Sunghoon doesn’t have). 

There’s a point in the ten-minute walk where their hands brush for a quick moment, not even for a second, but Sunghoon panics and moves his entire arm away from Jaeyun, pretending to stretch it so that he can keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

Not that he didn’t like brushing hands with Jaeyun, but what if Jaeyun didn’t like it? He can’t afford to risk anything. 

When they finally reach the station, Sunghoon lets his arm fall back to his side, and thankfully, the two are standing a bit further apart now. A loudspeaker announces that the subway is arriving in two minutes, and Jaeyun chuckles quietly, a sound that Sunghoon wants to keep in a cute little box for the rest of his life. 

“Uh, sorry I took a while to clean up today,” the puppy-eyed boy says sheepishly. “I lost track of time. Can you imagine if I’d taken a minute longer? We would’ve missed the whole subway.” 

Sunghoon nearly chokes at the sound of Jaeyun’s voice, but he quickly recovers, clearing his throat like he wasn’t just suffocating a second ago.

“Mmm, well, thankfully you didn’t. And I always clean up ten minutes early like the slacker that I am, haha. Ugh, it’s hot down here…” 

He swats at a mosquito that’s snacking on his forearm, wincing for a moment at the pain before it dissolves into his skin. Next to him, Jaeyun sighs and shuffles his feet.

“For real. I don’t know why, the air conditioning is normally good here. Well, the subway’s coming, so it won’t matter anyway.” 

And he’s right—the subway is frigid. Sunghoon relishes in the cold air as long as he can, and he can tell Jaeyun’s doing the same, both of them relaxed and leaning against the silver handhold poles. 

Everything after that up until Jaeyun’s house is pretty much a blur. They arrive at Jaeyun’s town, go to a random pizza place that Jaeyun took a liking to after trying it once, they get their food (after fighting over who pays, but Sunghoon lets Jaeyun win because he pulls an adorable pouty face), and walk to Jaeyun’s apartment, which is in a newly built complex. Sunghoon can’t help but feel a subtle twinge of envy at the sight—he and Sunoo had had to settle for a more run-down place since both of their families were tight on money. But he doesn’t dwell too long on the thought, since they’re already in the elevator on their way to the fifteenth floor. 

“Nice building,” Sunghoon says absentmindedly, and Jaeyun smiles at the random comment. 

“I know, right?” He grins, canines in full display. This time, Sunghoon can see them through the mirrors on the elevator walls, and he almost finds himself breaking out into a smile just as wide. “I actually got lucky finding this spot, and even luckier that I have a good roommate who’s willing to split the rent with me.” 

Sunghoon cocks his head curiously.

“Oh? Who’s your roommate? Do I know him?” 

Jaeyun looks up in thought, touching his chin as if he were stroking an imaginary beard. “Maybe? He goes to the studio, too. His name is Heeseung, Lee Heeseung. Not sure if you’ve heard of him, though. He hasn’t been to class in a while.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Nah, never heard of him. Sounds like a responsible guy, though.”

And Jaeyun actually laughs out loud. “Haha, Heeseung-hyung? Nah, trust me, it’s me doing all the cleaning at home. The only damn thing he’ll do is play his video games and the dishes once every two weeks.” He sighs, turning to look at Sunghoon in one swift motion. “By the way, how is it rooming with Sunoo? I heard you guys are mates, too.” 

Sunghoon frowns unintentionally. “…Mates?” 

“Oh…” Jaeyun trails off awkwardly. “Sorry, I meant roommates.” 

“Ah, right,” Sunghoon says, feeling a bit dumb for not understanding what Jaeyun meant. “I mean, I gotta hand it to him—he knows how to keep the place clean and cook a few dishes. Like, I’ll come home to a full meal out of nowhere, and it’ll be some good ass food.” He chuckles, reminiscing about Sunoo’s surprise dinners he made every now and then. 

“What the hell, man? That’s awesome.” 

Jaeyun’s cut off by the elevator opening, and Sunghoon follows him into the hallway. 

The inside of Jaeyun’s apartment is nearly spotless. There’s hardly any decor on any given surface, which Sunghoon is definitely not used to. He’s a hoarder—he and Sunoo both—which means any flat surface is covered in either random useless objects or a tin can filled with pens and pencils. There’s no carpet in the living room, only a dark brown couch and a coffee table. A single lamp stands tall in the corner of the room, emitting a weak yellow ring of light to its surroundings, and the overhead light is a boring square in the ceiling. 

To Sunghoon’s left is the kitchen, and it’s just as drab as the living room—no special figurines or whatnot, not even a clock. It’s just a kitchen, and the whole setup reminds Sunghoon of an expensive hotel room. Except, this is Jaeyun’s house, not a hotel room, and it’s exceptionally nicer. 

“Err, sorry about the…boring setup,” Jaeyun says quietly, and Sunghoon can tell he feels genuinely bad that there's nothing interesting about the apartment in the slightest. “Heeseung-hyung and I were planning to go to the mall to look for knickknacks and whatnot, but we haven’t gotten around to it. Our schedules are way too different.” 

Suddenly, Sunghoon feels guilty for standing in the middle of the two rooms, even though it can’t be helped because that’s where the front door is.

“Oh, no, it’s totally okay, I promise,” he says hurriedly, trying to reassure the now solemn-looking boy. “Don’t worry, it always starts off like this. When Sunoo and I first moved in, we didn’t even have a couch.” He rolls his eyes jokingly. “Jeez, glad we’re past that now.” 

The corners of Jaeyun’s mouth upturn slightly and Sunghoon smiles in return as well.

“Hah, thanks. That does make me feel better.” He shifts directions, body now pointed to a door on the opposite side of the wall down a hallway. “Uh, we can settle on the couch for now; I need to clean my room quickly before we go in there…sit! Make yourself comfortable.”

Jaeyun disappears into his room before Sunghoon can say anything more, so he purses his lips and shrugs, settling for the far left corner of the couch. 

Looking at the apartment from a new perspective, Sunghoon realizes that it’s actually very nice—everything is new and clean. There’s not a single stain in sight, and the wallpaper isn’t peeling anywhere. There’s also an expensive-looking flatscreen TV across the room, mounted on the pristine white wall and staring down at Sunghoon rudely. Everything else is high-tech as well—the fridge, the faucets, even the toilet. 

Sunghoon blinks, interrupted by the smell of the pizza still sitting in its box. Now, in any other circumstance, he’d wait for Jaeyun to come back, but he’s so fucking hungry. He’s sure Jaeyun won’t mind anyway, so he takes his slice out of the box and starts eating. 

“Hungry, huh?” Jaeyun laughs as he comes out from his room and makes eye contact with Sunghoon whose mouth is stuffed with pizza. “It’s fine. I am too. I’ll go get plates for us and then we can go to my room.” 

“Mmm—“ Sunghoon starts, but he swallows his food first before finishing his sentence. “Okay. Thanks for buying, by the way. This is really good.” 

Jaeyun grins, reaching into an overhead cupboard and pulling out two large white paper plates.

“I know, right? That place is awesome. Glad you like it!” 

(Sunghoon nearly drops his entire pizza while the two head over to the bedroom because his hands are so shaky, but he doesn’t. And when Jaeyun asks if he’s okay, he’s not quite sure how to say that it’s because of his stupid adorable face that he’s trembling so damn hard.)

It’s odd how time works for Sunghoon—one moment he finds himself sitting on Jaeyun’s bed watching a movie, and the next, his right arm is trapped between their bodies and the brown-haired boy is cuddling into his side. 

It’s really nothing. It’s nothing, and more importantly it should mean nothing, but Sunghoon can’t help but freak out a bit at what’s going on. With the way the younger is positioned, Sunghoon’s hand is nearly touching his crotch area, but he won't allow it—he angles his lower arm in a way that he won’t have to rest his hand on that spot. 

Seemingly oblivious to Sunghoon’s slight discomfort, Jaeyun squirms closer, his head now buried snugly in the space between Sunghoon’s head and shoulder. And Sunghoon’s breath actually hitches at the movement, his face heating up with every passing second.

He’s more flustered if anything. It’s not that he doesn’t like the way Jaeyun’s pressed up against him, because he really does. He’s just not sure how to react. It’s been way too long since someone’s been physical with him, and honestly? He’s missed this feeling. 

But he has other things to worry about. This is bad, really bad—Sunghoon’s not sure how much longer he can stay like this. The circulation in his right arm is pretty much all gone, and he can already feel the numbness start to set in. It’s not until a prickling sensation of pins and needles starts attacking his arm that he finally says something. 

“Ack, sorry,” he chokes out, and out of the corner of his eye, he can see Jaeyun’s panicked face. “My arm—arm fell asleep—” 

Jaeyun instantly sits up, pausing the movie and scooting away from Sunghoon.

“Oh my god, is it? I’m sorry, I’ve been leaning on it this whole time—“ 

“No, it’s alright,” Sunghoon says with red cheeks, massaging his arm and trying to get the little prickly feeling to go away. It only half works, but it’s not so bad anymore. Also, he really wants Jaeyun to cuddle him again, intentional or not. “Really. It’s fine. Come, let's keep watching.”

He settles and leans back again with what he hopes comes off as a coax, and surely enough, it works, because Jaeyun scrambles to fit back into place like a puzzle. Except this time, instead of leaning on Sunghoon’s arm, he grabs and hugs it, nestling it neatly between his own two arms. 

Sunghoon unintentionally flinches at the action, and he can tell with the way Jaeyun holds his breath that he’s unsure if Sunghoon is comfortable with it or not. So, to reassure the boy, he takes the arm that Jaeyun’s clutching and pats him on the upper leg. 

Jaeyun stiffens slightly when he does so, but he doesn’t squirm or move away—instead, he moves his leg upwards, gently guiding Sunghoon’s hand until it’s fully resting on his thigh. Out of the corner of his eye, Sunghoon can see Jaeyun look away and bite his lip shyly. It’s adorable, and he finds himself breaking out into a smile, breath leaving his nose in a short huff as opposed to laughter. 

They stay like that for a while, neither of them daring to move a muscle or even breathe too loud for fear of disturbing this endearing moment. But then, out of nowhere, Sunghoon’s phone rings from under the blanket, and they both flinch, scrambling to get off each other as Sunghoon picks up the incoming call. 

It’s Sunoo. 

“Hello?” Sunghoon says flatly, rubbing his eyes lazily because they’ve gone dry from watching movies. 

“ Where the hell are you?!” The boy on the other end screeches, and Sunghoon actually has to lean back from the speakers. “ You’d better not be drunk or at some random hookup spot. I’ll fucking kill you!” 

Next to him, Jaeyun stifles a laugh and Sunghoon throws him a confused look.

“Uh…no and no. I’m at a friend’s house. Sorry, I forgot to let you know.” 

A heavy sigh. “ Well, tell your ‘friend’ that you’re gonna have to come home right now . I need help with this assignment, and these questions are not gonna answer themselves, you hear?! Hurry the hell home! I’m not gonna call again.”

Sunghoon cringes at the emphasis on the word “friend” and the line disconnects abruptly, leaving him disoriented and Jaeyun giggling. 

It’s silent for a good five seconds before Jaeyun speaks.

“Um, well,” he starts, scratching his head nervously. “Guess you’re gonna have to get going. He didn’t sound too happy.” 

Sunghoon laughs nervously, his heart pounding way too quickly. He ruffles a hand through his disheveled hair, blinking when his bangs fall into his eyes.

“Haha, yeah…” he trails off, failing to make direct eye contact with Jaeyun for the rest of the sentence. “Uh, I’m sorry about all of this. It’s all my fault.”

Jaeyun quickly holds a hand up to Sunghoon’s face, as if he were trying to silence a crowd.

“No, no, it’s fine, really. This was such a last-minute plan anyway. And I still had a great time, so it’s alright.” 

Despite Jaeyun’s positive response, Sunghoon can’t help but feel bad as he gathers all of his things and puts on his shoes to leave. He stops and stands in the foyer with the door slightly ajar, pushing away his bangs that are poking into his eyes, and gives Jaeyun one final look before leaving. 

He clears his throat in an attempt to lighten up the darkening mood. “Ahem…again, sorry I didn’t confirm with my own roommate…will you be alright by yourself?”

Jaeyun grins. “Nah, it’s fine. Really. We can just plan things out better next time, you know. And yeah! Heeseung-hyung always does this, I swear. I’ll be fine, no need to worry.” 

The left corner of Sunghoon’s mouth upturns slightly in a weak smirk, not able to resist Jaeyun’s overflowing energy.

“Okay…if you say so. I, uh, I’ll get going then. I gotta catch the subway.” 

“Bye! See you next week!”

The heavy door shuts behind Sunghoon and he quickly walks over to push the elevator button, staring at the floor and trying to get his thoughts together as he waits. His cheeks can’t stop burning from the fact that Jaeyun had mentioned a “next time,” which implies that the two will have more one-on-one hangouts together in the future— planned, not just some random gatherings that happened by chance. His mind goes blank at the thought of going places with Jaeyun, visiting popular tourist attractions, maybe even going to some cute locations on Sunghoon’s bucket list that he has yet to start with anyone. 

It’s like he’s walking on clouds on the trek to the subway station; he’s never felt lighter and freer in his life, but it all comes crashing down when he realizes Sunoo is calling again. 

Sunghoon groans but accepts the call anyway.

“Hello?” He huffs, trying to sound as aggravated as possible. 

There’s a chuckle on the other end, and Sunghoon frowns, but he listens still.

“ Hyung? My bad for lashing out, haha…this assignment is just giving me a lot of trouble…a-anyway, sorry I interrupted your little date or whatever you were doing with Jaeyun. If I’d known it was him, I would’ve let you be.” 

“What the—“ Sunghoon chokes out, genuinely caught off guard by what Sunoo is saying. “Huh? How’d you know? Who told you?” 

Sunoo laughs some more. “ His instagram story, hyung. He posted a photo of you. He didn’t tag you or anything, but I knew it was you. Wait—“ he gasps. “ Don’t tell me you guys don’t even follow each other yet?!” 

Sunghoon frowns some more. Instagram? During the short amount of time he and Jaeyun have been talking, social media has never been a topic of discussion. Either of them might have mentioned it once or twice, but they never felt the need to have each other added on any form of media.

“Um…no?” He says, the words tumbling out of his mouth. He feels stupid for saying it out loud. “What is it?” 

“Are you serious?! How do you know if you wanna pursue someone without seeing what they post on social media?” Sunoo screeches. Sunghoon rolls his eyes so hard he can feel the nerves tingling in the back of his head, but the younger keeps talking. “ Ugh, fine, I’ll text you his username. Don’t worry too much, though, he doesn’t post anything even mildly concerning. In fact, I’d say the worst thing he has posted is your awful side profile.” 

“I—hey!” Sunghoon yells defensively, quickly looking around to make sure no one sees him talking loudly to his phone by himself like a crackhead. “Just hurry up, will you?” 

It’s not until after he finishes his sentence that he realizes Sunoo’s already hung up the phone. 

Little bitch, he thinks to himself at the same time Sunoo sends him a message. 

It’s a link to Jaeyun’s instagram profile, and upon seeing his most recent post, Sunghoon’s finger flies to the follow button. Thankfully, the account isn’t private, so Sunghoon could have done some more snooping around before following, but he can’t help himself. Not when Jaeyun’s busy looking unrealistically beautiful in every one of his posts. And it doesn’t matter what kind of photo he uploads—selfies, paparazzi style, ones he made his friends take, ones his friends took and caught him off guard with—he just looks so good in every single one. His entire account is a polar opposite to Sunghoon’s own. Sunghoon hasn’t posted since his birthday last year, only uploading a few story posts once every few weeks. He doesn’t even have as much as a profile photo.  

When he’s done silently fanboying over Jaeyun’s posts, he clicks on the glowing purple circle over the profile photo and carefully analyzes the photo that comes on screen. 

Sunghoon can tell Jaeyun had put a bit of effort into making this story upload cute. He’d chosen a song from one of Sunghoon’s favorite artists to correspond with the overall vibe of the photo, the soft blue light from his LEDs matching the album cover of the song as well. Around Sunghoon’s slightly blurry figure, there’s adorable little puppy drawings that trace the outline of his side profile. One in particular looks a lot like Sunghoon himself—white with black ears, complete with thick eyebrows and a mole next to its nose. His head absolutely spins at the idea that Jaeyun had drawn that dog specifically to look like him, but he brushes the thought away, trying to think nothing of the cute familiar dog. The one next to it is a golden retriever with its tongue hanging out, and there’s little sparkly particles adorning its eyes. Sunghoon’s mind begins to drift off into the thought that Jaeyun knew what he was doing when he drew these dogs and uploaded the story. 

And yet, he pretends to be unbothered, clicking the far right of his screen and exiting out of the story without tapping the little heart at the bottom. It’s not what he thinks; it’s never what he thinks. He never wants to jump to conclusions. Jaeyun had probably just drawn some dogs that he made up in his head and aren’t supposed to resemble the two of them at all. He’d chosen the song only because it matched the blue background, not because Sunghoon had told him about it the other day and gushed at how much he loved the song. Plus, who even hearts stories these days? Jaeyun would definitely think he’s strange for doing all that. 

So he doesn’t. He boards the subway without cracking a single smile. He sits down with the blandest face he could possibly pull. He opens his phone to the notification that Jaeyun is now following him back and that he’d messaged him, asking omg sunghoon!? how’d you find me? And accept my request!! Pleaseeee!!! 

He ignores the message for now. He decides he won’t reply until he gets into bed later that night. 

—

Well, it’s been a month and a half since they met, and Sunghoon is beginning to fall apart at the seams. 

The two had been talking the entire time. And honestly, it’s going great—Sunghoon can tell Jaeyun’s taken a liking to him—but at the same time, once things start getting a little more intense, he finds himself unsure. At the end of the day, he doesn’t really know what he wants. He’s having difficulties distinguishing whether or not his feelings towards the other boy are romantic or simply just platonic. And don’t get him wrong; it was definitely romantic at first, but once Sunghoon actually got to know Jaeyun, not just as a love interest, some of those feelings dwindled down. 

It’s strange. It’s weird, and off-putting, and Sunghoon hates it. He hates the way he feels about the entire situation. One day, he’ll wake up excited for Jaeyun’s goodmorning text and won’t hesitate to reply as soon as his eyes are open. But the next day, he could find himself overwhelmed or even annoyed by the younger’s endless energy and enthusiasm. He doesn’t mean to be, but somehow it happens anyway. And he feels horrible about it—about himself, and about the fact that sometimes he’ll catch himself not replying to Jaeyun’s messages for hours on end. 

It’s as if he’s delaying the interactions between the two, and from the outside, the entire thing doesn’t look complicated at all. Just be honest with each other! Communicate! Use your words! It sounds simple enough, but Sunghoon finds himself spiraling nearly every night, so caught up in his own thoughts and feelings that he doesn’t even take Jaeyun’s into consideration. 

Despite Jaeyun’s playful personality, Sunghoon’s brain flashbacks to every single terrible experience he’s had with people he’s been interested in, and he remembers only the fact that they’d all started off like Jaeyun did—the rush of emotions, the buildup, the flirting—and then eventually the downfall, crashing down on Sunghoon like a pile of cinder blocks. After the third time, which ended back in May, he swore to himself he’d never be fooled by anyone ever again, and he seems to have forgotten some of that as time with Jaeyun in his life passes. 

But now he’s remembered, and he silently makes a promise to himself that he will never— ever— let his guard down, no matter how much he likes a person or how close they are to dating. He won’t let his emotions escape unless absolutely necessary. And Sunghoon hates that he has to hole up like a cactus, only letting selective things in, whenever he meets someone new. But really, it’s his only defense mechanism—shutting down and practically going into hibernation is his favorite way to take a breather and think about how things are actually going. 

Unfortunately, this ability does not make for great communication, which is pretty much why all his previous relationships and talking stages had led to a one-way-street. 

He wants to punch himself in the face. He can’t keep acting like this, especially not with Jaeyun. He cares too much about the boy to even think about ghosting him completely, so that as an option is already out of the question. But on the other hand, he’s not really sure where to go from here, and he doesn’t know how to figure it out. 

Until this fateful Thursday. 

It’s been a slow afternoon—Sunghoon’s morning figure drawing class had gone by relatively quickly, and he finds himself back in the hallway working on his life-size painting once again. He hates this piece; it’s his least favorite, but what can he do? He’s just a student, after all. He can’t argue, so he simply shuts up and works without another word. 

Except, something is off with Jaeyun now. And Sunghoon knows why, but he bites his lip nervously instead of speaking up—it’s because the two of them had split up for lunch instead of eating together like they normally do. 

And, yes, the entire thing is Sunghoon’s fault. He’d gotten distracted during figure drawing and had completely ignored Jaeyun’s texts asking him to go to the chinese restaurant down the street. In fact, he hadn’t bothered to check his phone until after he’d come back from grabbing lunch with Sunoo and Jungwon, and he’d panicked and looked for Jaeyun everywhere, but the boy was nowhere to be found. 

He couldn’t finish his lunch. There was an ugly nagging feeling at the bottom of his stomach, and he was afraid he would explode if he took another bite of chicken, so he packed it away and shoved it into his bag to take home. And when Sunoo and Jungwon had given him concerned looks, he’d brushed them off and told them that he just wasn’t feeling great. It seemed to make the two more concerned but they stopped asking questions, eventually drifting off into their own conversation while Sunghoon sat worried out of his mind because he didn’t know where Jaeyun was and he wasn’t getting responses to the texts he’d sent.  

Eventually, it was time to go back to work, and Sunghoon had just grabbed all his materials quickly and rushed over to the hallway to work. It felt like he was also dragging along the guilt of completely ditching Jaeyun without even meaning to, and he winced as he sat down on the cold floor with a heavy thump. 

From where he’s sitting currently, he can see whoever comes into and out of the studio from the door a few feet in the wall to his right, and he almost dreads seeing Jaeyun step foot through that doorway. Of course it’s not actual dread; he wants to see the boy’s face and apologize directly, but at the same time, he’s nervous—he’s never been good with confrontation.

He convinces himself that he isn’t nervous until he sees torn black converse shoes slip through the door and a shadow hovers over him. 

His heart rate immediately skyrockets. He knows it’s Jaeyun from the shoes, but why isn’t he saying anything?…

Oh, wait. He is saying something, but Sunghoon’s headphones are on. 

Fucking idiot. 

He whirls his head around to face Jaeyun properly, taking off his headset at the same time in one swift move. 

Jaeyun’s standing over him with bleary eyes, rubbed red and puffy from—

Oh, oh god. He’s been crying, Sunghoon notices panickedly. His eyes widen unintentionally at the sight, and he stands up abruptly, nearly knocking over his cup of paint water before grabbing Jaeyun’s wrist and dragging him out into the hall and then into the dusty stairwell.

The door slams behind them, Sunghoon too focused on Jaeyun to try and be more careful, and leads him up the stairs until they’re sitting on the second step from the top. No one comes up here, so they’re free to do and say whatever they like. Once they sit down, though, they’re left with a deafening silence that Sunghoon can practically hear. Jaeyun’s leaning against the wall on his left, his head angled away from Sunghoon, so he does the same, but his head is angled towards the boy instead. 

He hates seeing Jaeyun like this, especially since it’s all his fault. 

“Um…” he starts, cringing at how his voice echoes throughout the stairwell. It sounds too loud, too piercing for the emotions he’s feeling right now. “You…okay?”

It’s such a stupid question. Of course Jaeyun isn’t okay, he’s clearly been crying. Sunghoon wants to throw himself down the stairs for even asking it. 

Jaeyun shifts a little but avoids eye contact still, instead staring at the dusty stairs below them.

“Mhm.”

Sunghoon frowns and he feels his heart drop to his stomach.

“No, no you’re not. Don’t lie to me. I’m sorry.” 

“It’s—“ Jaeyun says, and Sunghoon unintentionally flinches a bit at the boy’s suddenly harsh tone. “It’s fine, really. Don’t worry about it.” 

Fuck, he’s shutting Sunghoon out, and Sunghoon can tell because he does the exact same thing when confronted in situations like this. He doesn’t want to have to go through the trouble of fessing up to his feelings, so he pretends like nothing’s wrong instead. It’s an awful habit of his, and he’s quite familiar with it, but the problem is that he doesn’t know what to do from here. He’s only ever been the one on Jaeyun’s end, blocking out anything and everything that might end up with him opening up. 

“Stop that,” he tries, but Jaeyun doesn’t budge. “Look, I’m really, really sorry. I promise you that I’d choose you over them—“

“But you didn’t,” Jaeyun cuts him off coldly, and Sunghoon’s chest pounds in dread, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “You know how I feel about our relationship right now, and I thought you cared. But after seeing what happened today, you clearly don’t.” 

“No!” Sunghoon shouts, and Jaeyun’s eyes go wide at the sudden increase in volume. “Please, listen…I fucked up today, I should’ve checked your texts and gotten back to you, I should’ve called you during lunch to see where you were, I should’ve been there with you.” 

Jaeyun sighs. “Key word: should’ve. But you didn’t. What am I supposed to think? Because to me, it looks like I’m not even worth having lunch with.” 

His tone is quieter and more disappointment than anything else now, and while his face does soften a bit at the sight of Sunghoon’s eyes watering, his expression is still emotionless. 

Sunghoon takes a shaky deep breath before speaking again, and at this point, he just wants the normal Jaeyun back.

“I’m sorry. I’ve been selfish, and I should really cherish the time we have together because we won’t have as much of it when school starts up again…” 

He wants to rip his vocal chords out at the fact that his voice is shaking so bad he can hardly speak anymore; Jaeyun’s condescending look is too much for him to handle. The guilt is just too much, he thinks to himself. How could he be so stupid? He’s been taking Jaeyun, the beautiful boy who makes him so happy, for granted all this time. He hates himself for it. He hates himself for being blind to the other’s feelings as well as his own. As much as he’s been trying to delay admitting that he’s head-over-heels in love with Jaeyun, he can’t deny it anymore. 

He lifts his gaze and tries to meet Jaeyun’s eyes through his blurry tear-filled vision, the boy’s face a couple of blue and brown blobs.

“I just like you so much and I’ve been trying to hide it but I just can’t anymore…”

Well. He manages to choke it out somehow. 

Sunghoon doesn’t see how Jaeyun’s entire face immediately changes from a look of mild disgust to one of pure shock. He doesn’t see how the tears that have dripped onto the concrete below are now smushed under Jaeyun’s large hands. He doesn’t see how those same large hands are now cupping the sides of his tear-stained face. What he does see, however, is how Jaeyun tilts his head upwards with his hands on his cheeks before wiping away the tears with his thumbs. 

Sunghoon also sees how Jaeyun’s eyes go dark as he leans in and connects their lips together. 

It’s like a jolt of electricity that wakes him up instantly—the feeling of Jaeyun’s soft pink mouth on his own is one of the most beautiful wake-up calls he’s ever had in his life. Immediately, the weights on his shoulders and at the pit of his stomach vanish, dissipating into thin air as if they were never there at all. 

They stay still for a few seconds, with their lips pushing against each other, and Sunghoon’s about to pull back when Jaeyun’s mouth starts moving, following a steady rhythm that just screams desire and need and everything Sunghoon’s ever wanted. And Sunghoon follows it as best as he can, gently tugging at Jaeyun’s bottom lip with each passing beat where their mouths close on each other’s. He tilts his head slightly to slot their lips together even more, and it’s so soft and so airy and so, so perfect. 

Eventually, Jaeyun’s the one to pull away, and they sit and stare at each other with stupid little smiles on their faces as they gasp for breath. There’s remnants of dried tears still on Sunghoon’s cheeks, but the ones gathered around his mouth are all gone. He licks his lips and on his tongue remains a faint taste of Jaeyun’s cherry lip balm, flavorful and sweet and a reminder of everything that’s just happened. 

“Uh…” Jaeyun exhales, almost sounding more like a breathy moan than a word. “Wow.” 

Sunghoon keens at the simple sentence, his smile growing bigger. He scrunches his nose up and relishes in the way Jaeyun does as well.

“Yeah…wow is right.” 

Jaeyun breaks out into a grin. “So, I’m assuming we’re good now…?”

The tone of the last word curves upwards as if it’s a question, and Sunghoon simply continues smiling as if that’s all he knows how to do.

“Only if you say we are. I’m sorry for everything.” 

“Stopppp,” Jaeyun rolls his eyes, but his grin doesn’t falter for even a second. “Alright, yeah. We’re okay. I’m sorry for lashing out. I like you a lot, too. Though,” he purses his lips together in a tight lipped-smile, turning his head to look away from Sunghoon with flushed cheeks. “I’m sure you’ve already noticed...”

Sunghoon cackles, throwing his head back in laughter. “Hey! It’s okay, I promise. I’ve liked you more and more ever since our first hangout. And who cares if you were being obvious? I’ll just do it back once we start dating for real.” 

Jaeyun’s eyes nearly pop out of his head at the statement, but he quickly blinks and plays it off. “Hah, for sure. Well, as long as you’re okay with it.”

“Of course I am. I’m okay with anything if you’re the one doing it.” 

Sunghoon can’t stop smiling at Jaeyun’s embarrassingly red face. The brown-haired boy looks adorable in the dim yellow light of the stairwell, the highlights in his eyes in all the right places. They look like little stars, just like the ones from his shitty dog drawing. He can’t help himself as he leans in one more time and quickly presses another kiss to Jaeyun’s pretty plump lips, still smiling from ear to ear as he stands up and dusts himself off. 

“Well,” he says triumphantly, “we should probably get back now. The teachers are gonna wonder where we are.” 

Jaeyun stands up as well and brushes his hands on his jeans, making sure his ass isn’t covered in gray stairwell dust. “Sure thing. But—“ he hesitates before starting down the stairs, and Sunghoon turns back around to look at him. 

“We should do this again sometime.” 

—

(Sunghoon ends up going back to Jaeyun’s place the following weekend, where they did nothing but kiss and watch horror movies the entire time. But it’s different now. They’ve had multiple makeout sessions in the stairwell before this, sneaking up to the third floor during lunch and after class ends. It’s all different, and so, so new, but Sunghoon allows it all to happen. He lets Jaeyun cuddle him however he wants, lets Jaeyun sit on his lap, and lets him kiss him wherever and whenever he pleases. And at the end, before Sunghoon exits Jaeyun’s apartment to go catch the subway, he shyly asks to be Jaeyun’s boyfriend. 

The puppy-eyed boy agrees.)