Work Text:
“Ben, what is this?” From behind, Alex’s voice grabbed Ben’s attention. Her tone was unusual, though he couldn’t tell whether she was surprised or what. She was holding a small screen that’s plugged into the security tapes, a frown on her face as she stared the screen.
“Security tapes. Don’t worry, we stopped recording a day after departure.” Ben literally froze at his own words when realization washed over him. Alex lifted up her gaze at Ben, the frown between her dark eyebrows didn’t ease any bit.
“Alex-”
“Ben. What is this?” Alex raised her voice and took off her headphones fiercely. If she hadn’t gripped onto the little screen she probably would’ve flung it at Ben’s face by now. She had rewinded the bit of tape over and over, just to capture every little detail and every dialogue. The moment when Melanie turned around heading out, and then Ben grabbing her arm.
“I’m going down there.”
“You have to make the call to go.”
“Alex might be trying to get on board.”
“You can’t get off this train, Mel I’m not leaving you-”
“Ben, let me go I have to look-”
“We can’t let that monster be in charge of what’s left of humanity! You wanna steal the train and save the future? We have to go now.”
Alex marched forward towards Ben with the video in her hand that she had put on speaker. The guy stood up and closed his eyes at his own desperate voice 8 years ago. The young woman looked like she was either going to break down in front of him or scream at him all she can.
“I had to, Alex.”
“No, but you did! More importantly, you could’ve told me before she died!” With that, she smashed the tiny screen against the ground and stormed out of the engine before Ben could say anything. But he kept silent.
Alex was back to the grieving state that she had been in for a week. Just as she started to get used to the constant pain in her chest, and resumed her usual life in the Engine, she found something she never intended to find. She had thought to look at her mom driving and speaking to the engineers in the security tapes, but found something she never thought was real.
7 years she’s been brainwashed into thinking that Melanie was a cruel and ruthless psychopath that left her without any sort of sympathy, and Wilford saved her life therefore she owes him. During sleepless nights, Alex had thought maybe her mother wasn’t as bad as she thought, maybe she didn’t leave her because she wanted to. Maybe, just maybe, she loved her.
Now that she had confirmed the theory of Melanie’s love from beginning to end, she never thought Ben would ever do that to her. Sure, to save humanity. And she kept on telling herself that they didn’t have a choice but to leave her, because it’s either her or all of humanity. Ben chose the rational side, and Melanie couldn’t be with her because of him.
The hot tears were back to streaming down Alex’s face again, she had thought she was already dry and ran out. Josie and Bess brought food for her and sat with her while she barely ate, neither of them really talk to her since they don’t want to invade her personal space. Alex knew Ben probably told them what happened, which is why they were looking at her with pity.
Layton occasionally came with small updates on Big Alice and Ben, though most of the time it was only her in the crew cabin. She hasn’t seen Ben or heard him talk for three days, ever since she stormed out of the engine into the cabin crying.
“Is he alright?” She asked one time when Layton came, telling her that they’ve found new evidence on Big Alice. The man looked at her, usually she just mumbled to herself when Layton updated her, this time she started to conversation.
“He’s keeping the train in motion, don’t worry. Take your time, he understands.”
With that, Alex put her headphones back on and closed her eyes. The constant vibration of the wheels underneath comforts her, but a small bit of her felt the sour sensation of guilt from yelling at Ben. It’s been more than four whole days since she stepped outside this cabin.
Bess was just telling her about how she had to feed Miss Audrey in the cage this morning when she brought Alex dinner. Usually Bess would always bring her some interesting little stories along with the dish, cheering Alex up bit by bit. Layton almost tore the door down when he opened it frantically, his face was clearly distressed.
“Alex, we need you at the helm. Right now.”
His tone was like never before, not since he found a corpse outside when collecting ice samples. Alex dropped her food on the counter and hurried out of the cabin with Bess, just to find Josie holding someone on the ground. The three hustled over, Ben was lying unconscious while Josie checked his vitals.
“What happened? Is he okay?” Bess asked worriedly. Alex stared at the man lying on the ground with wide eyes, just seeing how dark the circles around his sunken eyes surprised her, or more like, scared her. She hasn’t been out of the cabin for 5 days, and someone had to be driving the train while she wasn’t.
“He passed out. It’s sleep deprivation. He hasn’t slept, has he?” Josie said after checking his pulse, for she was a vet before the freeze. Alex stood up and took a deep breath, attempting to calm the feelings stirring inside her once more. Ben paid much for her tantrum about leaving her to die at departure, but this was perhaps too much.
“Wait, so he was driving night and day for 4 and a half days straight, and you guys didn’t think to let him rest a bit?” Alex couldn’t help but let a bit of her inner fluctuations slip out, making everyone turn to her.
“We tried, but he wouldn’t let us take the helm.” Layton explained, trying to keep his voice calm and collected while everyone knows he probably isn’t. Before Alex could argue about forcing him out of the helm chair, Bess cut her off knowingly.
“He wouldn’t even talk to us, Alex. All he did was keep the train going.”
“And you didn’t think to tell me?”
“I didn’t wanna worry you.”
Alex exhaled sharply and looked away, she couldn’t argue with Layton’s point. They all knew how much Melanie’s note had done to both Ben and Alex, and all had made sure to give them space when they’re grieving. This time though, they probably learned not to leave them all on their own.
“Thanks Layton.”
The crew carried Ben to the engine cabin, where Alex had been surviving for the past week. She sat in the chair Ben had been sitting on for the past week, or at least this is where he rested. It still had remaining heat from him, and it made Alex quite uncomfortable just thinking about Ben being here a moment ago and now he’s laying unconscious in the cabin.
It’s been two sleepless nights, and she wasn’t quite as tired as she was when the emotions inside her wrecked her. Also because she got plenty of rest during her little break, kind of ironic considering Ben’s conditions.
Bess and Josie had been taking turns watching Ben as he slept for two days straight, not turning or moving a single bit on the bed. He was like a breathing corpse, just laying there fully unconscious. Alex visited him a couple times, it pained her to just think that she could’ve prevented all of this if she had kept her cool.
That night when Bess was almost asleep in her chair beside Ben’s bunk, she was startled awake by a noise. Ben was awake. The woman quickly gave him a cup of water, seeing him sitting up all by himself from a two day unconscious tour.
“What am I doing here? The Engine.” That was the first thing he’s said in a full week. Bess was taken aback at how frantic his voice was, resulting Ben almost collapsing on the floor if not she had pushed him back to bed.
“Alex is driving, you passed out for two days. Get back to sleep.” Ben batted her hand away and struggled his way out of the cabin. Bess was one step too late to grab him and pull him back, he groggily made his way to the helm and almost made Alex jump out of the window.
“Ben! You look terrible.”
Her voice quickly went to calm seeing that Ben was at least conscious. He had given all of them something to be worried about over the past week, and now they’re finally settled a bit. Ben gave her a dazed smile, leaning all his weight against the chair.
“I’m sorry Alex. I don’t know how to apologize for what I did.” Of course he was going to apologize to her the first thing he wakes up. Alex had made this whole speech inside her mind while staring at the tracks outside, but now it was nowhere to be found. She couldn’t bring herself to elaborate on whatever was on her mind. Maybe not everything is unforgivable, they’ll just have to find a way to work around it.
“You had to. It’s okay, Ben, but don’t do this to yourself ever again. I can survive for another day without you.” Alex and Bess helped Ben to his bunk, and the man indeed didn’t stay lucid for longer than a couple seconds when he touched the bed.
“You better wake up tomorrow morning or I’m going to end up just like you.” Alex said to Ben’s ear in a whisper, a faint smile on her face as she left the cabin.