Chapter Text
Atani
The elves have an attraction that felt like wonder or fear of their strangeness and unknown power. They are so old. They are not human. I could feel this polarized pull in my gut and it shivered on my skin.
I watched them move with a grace born out of long ancient years. The simple fact was that they had practiced any movement for so long their perfection was striking. And their thought. Their minds were passionate with feeling but disciplined in the many years they had worked things out.
I could see they watched me as a person with the strange affliction of age but to them with the movements of youth. The way I moved and thought must appear rather like a foal standing up and working out the world around her. And I did not have long to figure things out or practice. And for me in particular I was near the end.
I could see their astonished grief in this. For all of arda. But they hid it very well.
I did not worry about these things. Maybe I thought to myself i'm just not that deep. As I thought this the lady smiled at me.
I noticed a harper who sat some ways from me. he had been looking at me wistfully since I entered the elves' hall.
He smiled so brightly when he noticed my gaze and he got up and walked slowly and carefully towards me.
I got the impression he did this to not frighten me. As if I was an old wary deer or hawk who might startle up and vanish.
He sat down before me, crossing his long legs.
And said something in another language which I did not understand.
But the sound of the words were both beautiful and mesmerizing.
I glanced at the lady.
She said,' there are some that find mortals very interesting. And the ones late in life so close to the edge that perhaps they can Peer into the darkness both fascinating and endearing.'
At that I gave her a dubious look. 'Uh hum thanks… I guess I must look like i am at death's door.'
She nodded but gave a soft laugh.' I'm sorry but to us your changing is very strange. Like autumn. And it happens so quickly. We wonder how you deal with it. Few atani wish to speak to us about it.'
The elf with the harp had laid it down. Took a flower from a vase and reached out and set it carefully on my knee.
Then he said something again in his strange language.
I gave him a confused look, and raised an eyebrow. his smile brightened.
I then flicked his flower off my knee with my finger.
And smiled triumphantly at him. Then I laughed.
But He had caught it and placed it behind his ear. He had a soft smile.
He Then said,' would you sing a song for me from your country.?'
The harper made to gently hand me the harp.
But I gestured stop and shook my head.
'If you want this hall cleared. Have me sing.'
The elves laughed. Except the harper who looked amusedly sad.
I pointed at him with the back of my hand and said slowly and clearly
'You are Weird.'
the harper bowed his head as an acknowledgement.
the lady then told me, 'he speaks in quenya to honor you
you are mysterious to him. . You're turning, as it were, into an autumn leaf.'
'Hum' I answered, ' not a leaf of yellow gold, but one on the ground grey with little holes.'
The lady looked kindly at me. 'He sees you as about to partake of a great mystery which we of elf kind do not share.'
I glance at her skeptically.
'Yeah? Hum… trade ya.'
She smiled and nodded.
I added, 'You see it all around you the turning and changing, decay and rebirth.'
'True,' she answered, 'but of that deep and strange dark after we have no understanding. It brings us grief.
And she added softly, and wonder.'
I sighed and said, 'Neither do I, really understand it. Except for the trust of butterflies.'
The lady gave me a long deep look. Then she exchanged glances with the harper..
The harper put another flower on my knee.
I looked at the flower, red as blood. And gave the harper my best grin and flicked it.
He watched it fall then met my eyes. I looked away with the vision of a chrysalis in my mind. When I looked back he had picked the flower up and placed it behind his other ear.
There was a plate of sweet biscuits lemon yellow with white swirls. I looked at them.
The harper carefully took one and placed it on my knee.
I looked at it and smiled. Picked it up and ate it in two bites. Then brushed a few crumbs from my shirt which caused a few smiles.
You could tell how much this pleased him. And that he thought to himself not flowers is the way to her singing me a song from her land, but sweets.
He then carefully picked another sweet biscuit and placed it on my other knee.
The elves watched with slow kind amusement at this interaction.
However I am not proud and fond of cookies and these were incredible. I ate that one as well.
Soon he persueded me to take his harp and I awkwardly plucked out a cat Steven's song. The strings hurt my fingers. He though was patient and just watched and listened.
I sang Moon shadow which is about mortal optimism.
The elves watched and listened and the harper at the end wept.
This is a happy song I told him.
He nodded.