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Chapter Text

It was almost two in the morning, and Gina just couldn’t sleep. The invitation had been in the pile of mail that her roommate Ashlyn had dropped on the table in their cramped New York apartment. A creamy white envelope with printed calligraphy on the outside that could only contain one thing.

A wedding invitation. THAT wedding invitation.

She knew it was coming, Ricky and Nini had announced their engagement over a year ago. They’re on again, off again romance would finally be firmly, permanently on, it seemed. 

Meaning Gina had missed her shot. 

She’d first fallen for Ricky Bowen back in high school, when she was the new girl and he was the outsider and they’d bonded in a way she couldn’t explain. She really thought they’d get together, that he’d be her first kiss she’d been waiting for. But then her mom’s job was taking them away again, and even though she’d later come back, he’d already gotten back together with his ex.

Who would become his ex again a few months later, and six more times over the intervening seven years. 

Each time, Gina almost told him. They had chemistry, anyone could see it. And he got weirdly jealous of anyone that she dated, as briefly as most of those relationships lasted. There would always be SOMETHING that lived between them, but Gina always hesitated to risk their friendship by making a move, and by the time she’d screwed up the courage, he’d always gone back to Nini.

For what appeared to be the final time.

And now she had to figure out how to put on a dress and plaster on a smile and get through watching the man she was in love with marry someone else. Because as bad as that was going to be, NOT going would be worse, she’d feel guilty about it forever and Ricky would want an explanation as to why, and that was a conversation she just wasn’t prepared to have.

The invitation had been extended for Gina Porter and Guest. Except she had literally no idea who she could bring as a plus one. It had been ages since she’d so much as gone on a date, tired of the random Tinder matches that ended up being creeps and the Bumble guys who ghosted her. Maybe Ashlyn would just come along with her for moral support, but that felt a little pathetic. Carlos or Seb, either half of their favorite gay couple that lived downstairs could be an option, but she didn’t want either of them feeling like she expected them to play a beard, either… not that either would be all that convincing in the role. Maybe she should just suck it up and go alone, she was sure there would be a few others from their high school, Big Red and Kaiden and Kourtney, probably Natalie too, that she would know, so she wouldn’t spend the whole night alone.

But she continued tapping her pen on the table, unable to just go ahead and mark the reply card with a ‘1’ and get on with it.

Ashlyn appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, bleary eyed and hair everywhere. “Gi, it’s literally the middle of the night, what are you doing up?”

“Sorry,” she said. “I hope I didn’t wake you.”

“No, the cat on the fire escape did.”

“Again?” 

“Mrs. Lowenstein refuses to close HER window to keep it in, and it LOVES meowing at top volume right outside MINE at all hours of the night.”

“That sucks,” Gina said sympathetically. “Want some tea?” she asked, indicating the pot on the stove where she’d made a batch of looseleaf.

“Why not?” Ashlyn said, pulling down her favorite mug. “So really, though, why are you up this late?”

Gina sighed and held up the reply card that she was contemplating. “Ricky’s wedding invitation came today, and I need to decide if I’m bringing a date. I’m not really feeling going alone. You wouldn’t want to come with me, would you?”

“When is it?”

“Labor Day weekend, back in Salt Lake City.”

“Oh, you know I would, but I can’t that weekend, remember? Carlos and Seb’s Fire Island thing?”

Gina groaned. “Ugh, I totally forgot!” There was a huge end of summer party out on Fire Island that the boys went to every year. Ashlyn had finally come out as pan earlier that year, something Gina had suspected was true since they met back in college, and they wanted to celebrate by taking her to what they called ‘the biggest Alphabet Mafia party of the summer.’ Gina had also been invited, but now she’d have to miss it for this stupid wedding.

“Sure you don’t want to come with us? Sounds more fun than watching the guy you’ve been pining over for years marry someone else,” Ashlyn said pointedly.

Gina shook her head. “Nope, not showing my face confirms that I can’t handle it because I’ve had a thing for Ricky for years.”

“But… you have had a thing for Ricky for years,” Ashlyn said in a way that sounded entirely too reasonable.

“And he doesn’t know that, so his wedding day seems like a bad place to make that clear.”

Ashlyn gave her a look, the same look that she’d been giving Gina about the Ricky… situation for years. Gina had heard it over and over… Ashlyn was certain Ricky knew how she felt and kept her strung along while he had his dramatic back and forth with Nini, some kind of twisted back up plan. Ashlyn had first floated this theory when Ricky had come to visit them at school and after he met Gina’s boyfriend at the time, spent the next two days dragging the guy and saying things like “I just don’t think he GETS you, Gi.” 

It was probably then that Ashlyn decided she wasn’t going to be a fan of Ricky, and her opinion hadn’t really improved much since. 

“ANYWAY, if you can’t go, and Seb and Carlos are both out, where am I going to find someone who’s willing to fly across the country with me to go to a stranger's wedding in what… eight weeks?”

Ashlyn shrugged. “Start swiping?”

Gina sighed and picked up her phone and opened up Tinder. She swiped left on the first five photos before she groaned in frustration. “Ash, this will never work. The guys on this app just want to hook up, not buy an overpriced flight to Utah on a holiday weekend.”

“Oh, actually… I just thought of something. What about EJ?”

“Your cousin?”

Ashlyn’s cousin EJ had recently moved to New York after he finished law school, and Gina had met him just once, when Ashlyn forced him out from under his bar exam prep for a night to join them for drinks in their neighborhood down in East Village. Gina had gotten there incredibly late thanks to a font-related emergency on some copy she was working on at her ad agency, and they’d only had enough time to exchange the barest of small talk before EJ headed home to get ready for a practice exam the following day. But in those few minutes, she was able to confirm that EJ was as good looking as he seemed from the photos Ashlyn put up of her family in their dorm and now apartment. 

“I mean, the bar is the last week in July, and he doesn’t start his new gig until mid-September, so he’s probably free. And thanks to Uncle Cash, I know he’s got enough frequent flier miles to get to Salt Lake no problem.”

“But he doesn’t even know me.”

“I mean, he might as well with how often I talk about you,” Ashlyn said with a smile. “And you know him that way, too, kinda.”

Gina had certainly heard EJ’s name enough over the years. He and Ash had been super close when they were younger, growing up just a few streets apart in suburban Chicago. They talked all the time in college, too, but he’d never been able to come visit or anything, since Ashlyn told Gina that he was nearly always burning the candle at every available end. Ashlyn explained that his dad, Cash, put a lot of pressure on him to succeed, and so he was always pushing to be the best at something, a varsity swimmer at Georgetown, Law Review editor at Duke Law, all while maintaining a perfect GPA. She was so excited when he was moving to New York, and was a little disappointed they hadn’t spent much time together yet, but she kept saying “Just wait til after the Bar is done.”

Gina didn’t have the heart to tell her that it seemed unlikely anything would change after that, that he’d just kill himself at work instead. She knew the type, it’s the way her mom was. But maybe something could convince EJ to lighten up a bit.

“I mean, he’s pretty much the only person we can think of… and how sad is that?!” Gina cried. “Do you really think he’d go for it?”

Ashlyn shrugged. “Want me to text him and ask?”

“Right, now? At 1:56am?”

“I’m sure he’s up.”

“I mean, maybe now’s the best time, that way if he thinks it’s completely insane… which it probably is, for the record… we can write it off as you, I don’t know… sleep texting or something.”

Ashlyn giggled and picked up her phone. Gina busied herself on her own phone, not wanting to seem to be pathetically waiting for EJ’s response.

Except she obviously was pathetically waiting for his response.

Ashlyn’s text tone went off near immediately, and Gina looked up expectantly.

"Told you he’d be up,” Ashlyn said as she started tapping a reply. 

“What’s going on, what are you saying?!” Gina asked, a bit of panic rising in her throat.  But Ashlyn ignored her and kept on typing.

Gina thought her head was going to explode when Ashlyn FINALLY showed her his screen.

“Looks like he’s in.”

Ashlyn: Hey, you up?

EJ: Obviously, but you’re not the person I expect to see that kind of text from.

Ashlyn: Who’s texting you U up? At 2am?

EJ: Unfortunately no one these days.

EJ: What's up?

Ashlyn: Are you doing anything Labor Day weekend?

EJ: Nothing on the calendar yet, why?

Ashlyn: Wanna go to a wedding in Salt Lake City with my roommate?

EJ: ….

EJ: I’m sorry, what?

Ashlyn: You remember Gina?

EJ: Obviously, you talk about her literally constantly.

Ashlyn: She’s going back home for a wedding and doesn’t want to travel alone. Do you wanna go with her?

EJ: We’ve met like once.

Ashlyn: So? You’ve got the miles, and you’ve always wanted to go to Utah.

When Gina read that line, she looked at Ashlyn in surprise. “Why does he want to go to Utah?” 

“Bonneville Salt Flats, I think. He’s into cars, so he’s always wanted to see where all the records were set.”

“That’s not exactly close to Salt Lake, it’s like a hundred miles outside the city.”

“Do you want a date to this thing or not?” Ashlyn asked in an exasperated tone.

“Point taken,” and Gina kept reading.

EJ: I guess I haven’t had another excuse. But why me?

Ashlyn: A bunch of us already planned to be out of town that weekend.

EJ: So it's because I’m lame and have no friends to  make plans with that weekend?

Ashlyn: Gina wants to make plans with you… those plans just happen to be in Utah. 

EJ: I feel like we should at least hang out before I book a ticket,  make sure I don’t bore her to death or anything.

Gina couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t say anything about what it would mean if HE didn’t LIKE her… that felt a little encouraging. 

Ashlyn: Then come over for dinner this weekend and hangout.

EJ: I dunno, Ash, I’ve gotta study…

Ashlyn: One night off won’t kill you.

EJ: Fine, but I’m holding you accountable for at least three points on my exam.

Ashlyn: Whatever dude, just come at 6 on Saturday.

Gina sighed. “He didn’t say yes.”

“He didn’t say no, either. Just hang out on Saturday and see if you think you guys can have fun for a weekend. When’s the reply card due?”

“Not for a couple more weeks.”

“Then let’s go to bed, and you can obsess more about this tomorrow.”

Gina looked down at the card one more time before she clicked her pen shut and set it down on top of the envelope and headed down the hall after Ashlyn to try and get some sleep.

Chapter Text

EJ glanced at his phone again, trying to decide if he had enough time to do one more practice case before he had to leave for Ashlyn’s place for dinner. He’d been glued to his computer since he’d gotten back from the gym, which was now about…. Eight hours ago. He also didn’t remember the last time he’d gotten up to use the bathroom, but then he realized he hadn’t refilled his water bottle yet, either, so… that probably explained that.

He pulled up the subway trip planner, still not completely familiar with the route he’d need to take to get there, and figured he probably didn’t have time with how often the trains ran. But maybe if he took a cab instead…

That’s when he looked down and realized he was still in his gym clothes and hadn’t remembered to shower, just got straight to work. He was pretty sure that if he stopped to sniff, he smelled terrible.

Ok, yeah, he definitely needed to stop now.

He got in the shower with the details of the last case he’d worked through still humming in his head. He KNEW he was getting obsessive about this, but with just two and a half weeks to go until he sat this exam, he felt like he had no time to spare for anything other than test prep. The firm made it very clear that all first year associates were conditional hires until they got their Bar results in October, and getting fired just three weeks into the job wasn’t something he could handle.

Sure, he’d graduated at the top of his class and been editor of the Law Review. Those things were nice, but they didn’t mean a damn thing when it came to actually being licensed to practice law. Failure wasn’t an option.

He sighed again as he stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist, surveying his closet to figure out what to wear. It had been days since he’d worn anything other than basketball shorts and a muscle tee, shuttling from the gym to his desk and back. He shoved aside the expensive bespoke suits and tailored shirts that awaited him at the end of the summer and pulled out a much more casual button up that he probably hadn’t worn since he’d left North Carolina, and grabbed a decent pair of shorts out of his drawer.

He’d been sort of unprepared for just how muggy New York City was in the summer, and he’d lived in the south. He wasn’t looking forward to navigating the city in those high end suits in this kind of weather, so he hoped it would be gone by Labor Day.

Right, Labor Day… the whole Utah trip thing.

EJ had no idea why HE of all people is the one that Ashlyn thought should go to this wedding with her roommate. He wondered on some level if it was a set up, but Ashlyn and Gina had been close for years and she’d never so much as hinted at the possibility that the two should meet, so it seemed unlikely.

He just hoped he wasn’t a giant disappointment.

It was something he worried about a lot. He was able to project confidence pretty well, given that he’d had a lot of practice. But lurking underneath the surface at pretty much all times was an intense fear of failure.

That was most of the reason why none of his relationships had ever lasted more than a couple months. He would either sabotage it by being too 'busy', which was really just about avoidance, and get dumped, or he’d panic and break things off the minute he thought that they’d figured out just how much of an insecure mess he was.

Yes, he was planning on doing therapy… right after he passed the bar.

In this case, it seemed all Gina was looking for was someone to travel with. Flying and staying in a hotel alone did always kinda suck, especially for a wedding. Those were coming up fast and furious for EJ, a bunch of his swim and dive teammates from Georgetown were hitting those milestones. In fact, there was one coming up just outside the city just a couple weeks before the one Gina wanted him to attend. He’d been feeling some kind of way about going alone, especially when pretty much all the guys he graduated with were coupled up, most engaged on their way to be. The only other one who wasn’t was because he was a Rhodes scholar and spent a year in the UK right after graduation… a better reason than EJ had ever had for his lack of a love life. Maybe he’d see if Gina would join him for that one, too. A little quid pro quo wouldn’t be the worst thing, make it feel less like it was just him doing her a favor, they could do one for each other.

After EJ had grabbed his wallet and the bag with the wine he was bringing to dinner, he consulted the subway map on his phone one more time before he headed out, muttering the right transfer stop to himself as he walked. He found Ashlyn’s building in East Village without getting lost, and hit the buzzer to their fourth floor walkup. Ashlyn’s voice came through the speaker.

“That better be EJ and you better have wine!”

“Guilty on both counts, your honor. Let me up?”

The lock clicked open and EJ stepped inside. He had seen multiple a/c units hanging and dripping from the windows when he was on the sidewalk, meaning the building wasn’t itself air conditioned, so he was prepared for the brutal rush of heat in the hallway. He could feel sweat start to collect on his back as he climbed the stairs, which of course made it more nervous, which made him sweat even more.

Yeah, Gina was going to think taking him to a nice event was going to be a GREAT idea.

He knocked and Ashlyn immediately flung open the door. “Get in here, it’s hot as balls out there! At least we have window units.”

“I know, I’m pretty sure they dripped on me on my way under.”

“Listen, not all of us can afford MIDTOWN with CENTRAL AIR,” Ashlyn laughed. “But seriously, welcome to East Village! Only took you a month to get over here despite being what, 20 blocks away?”

“Midtown?” he heard a voice say from what must have been the kitchen. “Why didn’t we go there, then?”

“It’s Murray Hill, actually,” he clarified, stepping inside. “Not quite the tourist district. Plus my place is nice, but tiny. And sorry, Ash, you know I’ve been busy getting ready for…”

“The bar exam, yes, ELIJAH, I’m well aware.”

“Using my government name, I must be in trouble,” he grinned as he passed by Ashlyn to go put the wine in the fridge. “You said you were making chicken, so I brought white, I hope that’s ok.”

“I’M not making anything, I’m the baker in this apartment, not the chef. Though I did make a pear tarte for dessert that looks positively gooey,” Ashlyn said with an excited smile and clap of her hands.

“AFTER we eat real food please?” said the figure standing at the stove. Her back was turned to EJ, but he recognized the long braids as those belonging to Ashlyn’s roommate, Gina.

She turned around. “I hope you’re hungry, I made entirely too much food for just three people.”

He smiled a little nervously. He’s sort of forgotten how beautiful she was. He’d seen her in tons of pics of Ash’s, of course, but he’d noted that she was even more striking in person that night they met briefly at the bar.

“Gina, it’s nice to see you again,” he said.

“You too, I’m glad we got you to come over for a bit.”

“He needed SOMEONE to pry him away from his laptop for a few hours,” Ash snorted.

“I’m almost done, just two and a half weeks to go!” he said, with a very fake sounding enthusiasm.

Gina caught on to his act right away. “You don’t sound on the verge of cracking like an egg at all,” she deadpanned.

“That obvious, huh? Maybe we should open that wine, then, see if it gets me to calm down.”

“Excellent plan,” she said with a conspiratorial grin, before turning to pull down three stemless wine glasses from the cabinet.

EJ asked for the corkscrew and got to work opening and pouring while Gina pulled a cast iron skillet loaded with lemon slices, chicken and potatoes from the oven, setting it down on the table next to a Greek salad.

“Ok, that literally looks amazing,” EJ said, putting the glasses on the table as he filled each one.

Gina blushed a little. “Thanks. My mom works a LOT, so I kinda learned how to cook using YouTube videos. You’d be amazed at what you can teach yourself with a tablet and a LOT of time on your hands.”

“I mean, my parents work a lot too, the only things I got good at making were Hot Pockets and Pop Tarts,” EJ cracked.

“He’s not kidding, he’s an absolute disaster in the kitchen. I think last summer when his parents were in Cabo for two weeks, he lived on protein shakes and the cookies I made him,” Ashlyn said, shaking her head.

“AND whatever Aunt Debbie was kind enough to let you drop off to me,” EJ reminded her. “At least she didn’t want to see me starve.”

“Well, as proud as I am of how this looks, I hope it tastes even better,” Gina said with a laugh. “So let’s eat.”

Ashlyn and Gina continued chattering all through dinner, while EJ mostly sat back and took it in. He was slowly feeling some of his anxiety unwind a tiny bit, relaxing with an incredibly good meal and being around people for the first time in a while. He’d taken his laptop to a coffee shop to work a few times, but he could have been on Mars for as much attention as he paid to anyone around him, so that really didn’t count. Otherwise, the extent of his human interaction was his Zoom study group with some other Duke grads and the delivery guys who dropped off food to his apartment.

“You OK, Eej?” Ashlyn asked at one point.

“Yeah, I’m good, just…. Hard to get my brain to slow down after studying all day.”

“You’re going to do fine, EJ. At some point you need to just let go and trust the process.”

“You sound like Miss Jenn right now,” he said, rolling her eyes at him.

“Miss Jenn?” Gina asked, her curiosity piqued.

“Our drama teacher in high school,” Ashlyn supplied. “I’ve mentioned her before.”

“Ooooh, that’s right. I’ve seen the photos from Beauty and the Beast. Those were some EYEBROWS, Gaston,” Gina teased him.

“That’s what I get for letting the girl I had a massive crush on do my makeup,” he said with a shrug. “I would have let her talk me into anything.”

“If only it had actually worked out for you,” Ash said, giving him the side eye.

“Yeah, I chickened out on that one,” he shrugged.

“Come to think of it, she looked a lot like you, Gina,” Ashlyn said. EJ kicked her under the table, not subtle in the least but he needed Ashlyn to quit talking before it made Gina uncomfortable. She threw him a sharp look but didn’t really react otherwise, the benefit of more than twenty years of practice annoying each other.

But Gina just gave a light laugh. “And here I was thinking I was unique.”

“You’re your own brand of special snowflake, sweetie,” Ashlyn said, patting her hand with patronizing affection.

Gina looked mock offended before she burst out laughing, and EJ immediately loved that sound.

He really needed to get out more.

They finished their meal and dug into Ashlyn’s tarte, which was as gooey as promised and absolutely delicious. Now almost a bottle and a half of wine in, EJ could feel himself loosening up a little bit more, telling a few embarrassing stories about Ashlyn as a kid while she retaliated with a few of her own about EJ. They moved from the kitchen to the living room, where EJ decided he should broach the subject of why he’d come over in the first place.

“So, it’s only been a couple hours, but.. Gina, are you still interested in having me come with you to that wedding?”

When he mentioned the word ‘wedding’, SOMETHING passed in a shadow across Gina’s face, but he wasn’t entirely certain what it was all about, so he didn’t press.

“I mean, if you don’t mind giving up your Labor Day weekend to fly to Utah, it’d be nice to have some company. I don’t mind traveling solo for business, but doing it for fun kinda sucks sometimes.”

“You have an interesting definition of ‘fun’, Gina,” Ashlyn snorted. Gina shot her a murderous glance, but said nothing. Once again, EJ was curious but not about to make a big deal out of it.

“Like I told Ash, not like I’ve got a lot going on between the end of July and mid-September, might as well visit somewhere I haven’t been before, right?” Gina still looked unconvinced that he was actually into the idea. “As a matter of fact, just so we’re even… do you wanna do the same thing for me?”

“Go to a wedding?”

EJ nodded. “One of my teammates from Georgetown is getting married in the middle of August. He’s from Long Island, so the wedding is in the Hamptons, in some town whose name I can’t pronounce. It’s black tie, a whole thing. Does that… Do you wanna go with me to that one? Kinda like a warm up before the weekend long Utah thing?”

“Um…” The hesitation was the worst, EJ was sure this had been a terrible idea. “I mean, Long Island is a hell of a lot closer than Utah, so… I guess why not? Like our own little wedding date pact.”

“Thanks,” he said with a nervous smile. “So should we like, exchange numbers so we can figure out our plans, or…”

Their phones both pinged, and Ashlyn had dropped their contact cards for each of them.

“Done!” Ash said cheerfully. “Eej, you wanna break out the deck and play some Spicy Uno?”

“I actually need to get going, I have a live proctor session set up with my study group in the morning, so I should get some sleep.”

“It’s 830,” Ashlyn said incredulously.

“And by sleep, I mean ‘go home and study for another 4 hours before I collapse into bed exhausted’, obviously,” EJ scoffed.

“Just don’t work too hard, huh?” she said, rising to his feet to give him a hug goodbye.

“Trying,” EJ lied. “Gina, hope we’ll talk soon, and thank you again for dinner, it was the best meal I think I’ve had in… a long time.”

“Oh, stop it…” she said, playfully pretending to be shy. “Say that again…” she prompted while EJ and Ashlyn both laughed.

“Good night,” Gina concluded with a laugh of her own, and he gave them both a wave as he left the apartment.

As he walked back to the subway stop, he felt the tension creep back into his shoulders that had just started to relax back in Ashlyn’s apartment. Two and a half more weeks, he could do this.

And then he had two dates with Gina to look forward to.

Not that they were date dates, per se.

But at least excuses to get out of his apartment.

That’s why he was looking forward to them. He was pretty sure.

Chapter Text

Gina walked into their apartment, tossing her keys on the table with a sigh. It had been a long week at work. It might have seemed crazy to be finalizing ad copy for the holiday season in July, but they were up to their ears in design work for retail clients designing their busy season ad pushes, which seemed to start earlier and earlier. Thankfully it was Friday, and she’d gotten far enough that she wasn’t going to have to work that weekend.

She opened the fridge looking for something to reheat for dinner when she saw her phone light up with an incoming Facetime. 

From Ricky.

She grinned and picked up the call, eager to talk to her friend.

“Hey, Ricky!” she said brightly.

“Hey, Gi, you got a second?”

Gina immediately felt her smile fall a little. Ricky hadn’t even bothered to ask how she was doing before just diving into whatever he needed.

“Yeah, what can I do for you?”

“We got your RSVP for the wedding, it says you’re bringing a date.”

“Well, yeah, Ricky, you invited me with a plus one, so… I’m bringing one.”

“You’ve never mentioned a boyfriend or anything, I was just surprised that I was finding out from, you know, the reply card.”

“Oh, he’s not like, my boyfriend or anything, just a friend who’s always wanted to see Utah. And that way, I’m not traveling on my own.”

“What’s this dude’s name?” he said with what sounded a little like suspicion. “I mean, you didn’t put it on the card, and Nini needs it for the placecards,” he followed up quickly.

“Oh, it’s um, EJ, EJ Caswell.”

“Caswell? Is he related to Ashlyn?”

She nodded. “Her cousin, more like a big brother figure, honestly. They grew up together, and he just moved to the city after law school.”

“So you guys are close, then?”

Gina shrugged. “Getting there, he hasn’t been in town long, and is super busy getting ready for the bar exam. But he comes over here for dinner a lot, and we get along really well.” That was sort of a stretch, EJ had been over exactly twice for dinner, and she didn’t expect he’d actually look away from a screen long enough to eat, never mind come over for dinner, that weekend, given the exam was in less than a week, but something about the way Ricky was probing her made her want to have her friendship with EJ seem somehow more significant than it was at the current moment.

There was something she couldn’t quite read on Ricky’s face, but she dismissed it. “So was that it, you just needed the name, or…?” she trailed off, hoping that Ricky would want to talk for a while longer. 

“Um, yeah, I guess that was all I needed, thanks. You got big Friday plans?”

“Leftovers and a movie, probably a glass of wine? Party time up in here.”

“I thought the point of living somewhere like New York was how exciting life would be there,” he teased her, though there was, as always, the hint of something else underneath. Ricky had never really understood why life in Salt Lake wasn’t enough for Gina, why she’d left for good, especially after it was the first place she’d really been able to call home after she’d moved around so much. 

She’d never been able to tell him that needing to grow beyond HIM was a huge part of the reason. 

“It is, a lot of the time. My friends and I have drag brunch tickets this weekend. Just need a low-key night after a long week at work.”

That clearly wasn’t the invitation for him to ask about work that she thought it would be, because Ricky just said “Cool, then I guess I’ll let you go. Can you text me how to spell your date’s name so it’s right on the placecard?’

Though EJ Caswell couldn’t possibly be simpler to spell , she bit back her annoyance and just said “Sure thing. Talk to you soon?”

“Sounds good, miss you Gi.”

“Miss you, too. Bye.”

She closed the call and sighed before swiping to her texts and sending Ricky EJ’s name. It went on Read, but he didn’t respond. 

Things had definitely gotten weirder and weirder between her and Ricky as the years had gone on, and she was pretty sure it was her fault for letting her feelings get in the way. She wished she could just shut it off, but it had never been that simple. He was the first guy she’d ever really let herself get close to, develop feelings for. It wasn’t his fault he happened to be perennially unavailable since he was in love with someone else. 

Ashlyn insisted it was at least a LITTLE bit his fault, but if she was right, Gina wasn’t really ready to go there yet.

Ashlyn texted her to say that she was going out for drinks with some of the other people from her office, so Gina was officially on her own that night. She debated texting Carlos and Seb to see if they wanted to come up to watch a movie, but a quick scroll through Insta revealed they were already at dinner because they had tickets to see a show that one of Carlos’s friends had designed the costumes for that evening. Having already declined drinks with her own officemates, it looked like Gina was out of options for anything but a solo couch night.

Though she realized there was one person she hadn’t considered yet… EJ.

She knew he would be studying all night, but she also knew he probably wouldn’t even eat unless someone forced him to, from the way Ashlyn had taken to dropping by on her way home from work to check on him for the last week. She decided what the hell and shot him a text.

Gina: Hey, I’m sure you’re planning to study all night, but would you want to take a quick break for dinner? 

Gina: I made enchiladas last night and have a ton left.

Surprisingly, the messages went on Read and the typing indicator popped up right away.

EJ: If it’s anything like the rest of your cooking, it pains me to turn it down,  but I’d feel like a dick just dropping in, eating and running. 

EJ: I’m running out of study time.

Gina wasn’t sure what to make of that response from EJ. Was he interested in the food more than the company? Or was he really just that anxious?

Gina: Well, I’m not doing much of anything tonight. 

Gina: Want me to bring it to you?

The typing indicator went on and off several times before the reply came through.

EJ: Did Ashlyn put you up to this?

She laughed.

Gina: Not that I know of? 

Gina: But maybe subliminally, since she’s been worried about you all week.

EJ: Then she’ll probably be up my ass if you tell her you offered  to bring me dinner and I shut you down.

Gina: That alone is reason enough to say yes.

Gina: You know as well as I do that pissing off Ashlyn is NOT the vibe.

EJ: If you really want to trek up to Murray Hill, I’ll be here all night.

Gina: Might as well. See you in like a half hour?

EJ texted her his address and instructions on how to get in the building.

EJ: And… thanks. I really appreciate this.

Gina blushed a little reading the message.

Gina: No problem, see you in a bit. 

Gina changed out of her work clothes and into shorts and a tank top, packed up some of the leftovers and grabbed the four pack of Cutwater canned margaritas in the fridge as well. Within ten minutes, she was on her way to the subway for the quick ride up to EJ’s place.

The building he lived in was clearly newly renovated, with a fancy digital buzzer panel unlike the old school one on Gina and Ash’s building. She opened his text and put in the code for his unit, hearing the click before she let herself in.

Gina: On my way up, make sure you’re decent.

EJ replied with a blushing emoji and she laughed as she stepped into the elevator.

She found his door and knocked, and EJ was smiling widely when he threw the door open.

“Hey, Gina, thanks again for this, come in,” he said, letting her pass by him into the apartment.

It was beautiful, but… sparse. It had a fireplace in the living room, which had a TV mounted above but just a couch, not even a coffee table in front of it.

“I… haven’t gotten around to doing much decorating,” he said as she looked around. 

“It’s still a beautiful place,” she commented, biting back her impulse to ask how much his rent was. More than she could afford, she was certain.

She turned around and saw EJ just kind of staring at her.

“Is… everything ok?”

“Sorry, yeah,” he said, shaking his head slightly. “This is just… unexpected. Thank you, really. I know I keep saying that, but… you really didn’t have to do this.”

Gina shrugged. “We’re friends, right? This is one of the ways I like taking care of my friends.” The conversation with Ricky was still on her mind. Maybe she WAS trying a little too hard, like she had something to prove about her friendship with EJ.

But the grateful smile that appeared on EJ’s face was enough to make her think that she wasn’t as far off as she feared, that he really DID think of her as a friend. 

“Anyway, can you show me the oven and I’ll get this in to reheat?” she asked, indicating her shopping bag with the leftovers.

“Oh, I thought you’d just microwave them…”

“They’re so much better when the edges are a little bit crispy, worth the few extra minutes,” she assured him, but he still looked a bit worried. “If you think it’s going to take too long, I don’t mind if you work while it’s heating up…”

“Oh, no, it’s fine, I just… I’m not sure I know how to turn on this oven. I… haven’t tried.”

Gina looked at him in disbelief for a moment before she burst out laughing. “You’ve never used the oven? How long have you LIVED here?”

“I moved in for July 1, and I've been a little busy,” he said defensively.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t laugh, it’s just… you and Ash weren’t kidding, you really CAN’T cook, can you?”

“Not a bit,” he confirmed. “I’ll learn… someday, I’m sure.”

“Hey, this is New York City, you can get anything delivered any time of day. Very little pressure. Anyway, I’m an expert at figuring out new appliances, just let me at it and I’ll figure out the rest.”

The apartment wasn’t very big, so they really only had to turn around before she was in the kitchen. She studied the controls on the stove and figured out how to set it to bake, and it started the preheat cycle while Gina pulled the items she’d brought out of the bag.

“So how did you become the stove whisperer? Also something you learned on YouTube?” he teased. Gina was actually a little surprised he remembered.

“Sometimes, if my mom was at work and I was in a new apartment on my own,” she nodded. “But after a while, they become pretty self-explanatory.”

“New apartment?”

She shrugged. “We moved around a lot from the time I was about six to sixteen. My mom works for FEMA, so we sorta went wherever disaster struck. It’s also not really a nine to five type gig, so I spent a lot of nights on my own. I’m sort of the master at just… figuring things out.”

“Oh, I just sort of assumed Salt Lake City was home for you, with the wedding of a high school friend…”

“That’s where we landed eventually, my mom became a regional director and was headquartered there. So I got to spend my last three years of high school mostly in one spot, it’s the longest I’d been anywhere. So it is the closest thing to home, for sure.”

“Wow, what was that like?”

“Sometimes stressful, sometimes freeing,” she admitted. “It means I don’t try to plan too far in advance for most stuff, apparently including wedding dates. But hey, it means I’m always ready to figure out an unfamiliar kitchen.”

He laughed lightly. “I’ve had, like, the exact opposite experience. My parents still live in the house I grew up in, and it’s all been very… mapped out for me. Last step: Pass the bar. And then maybe learn how to work an oven.”

She giggled. This was the first real conversation they’d had, just the two of them, and she was amazed at how they slipped from the serious to the silly fairly easily. She’d always gotten the impression from Ash that EJ was driven and serious. It was nice to see how funny he could be, too. It made her understand the bond between him and the free spirited Ashlyn a bit better.

And was sort of a relief that he wouldn’t be totally humorless for their entire trip to Salt Lake.

They continued to chat easily as Gina warmed up the food, and even coaxed EJ into drinking a margarita with her. She couldn’t help but notice the large shadows under his eyes, it was clear he wasn’t getting much sleep and she hoped she could maybe get him to relax just a little.

“Hey, I know the big exam is next week, but you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself,” she said. “NO ONE can test well if they’re a wreck from not sleeping and eating well, you know?”

“Ok, Ash DEFINITELY put you up to saying that,” he said with a laugh. “I think I got that speech verbatim from her the other night.”

“Then maybe you should start listening to the very excellent advice we’re giving you?”

“I’m… not much of a sleeper under normal circumstances,” he admitted. “So the last month has been… rough.”

“I bet,” she said sympathetically. “I didn’t sleep much leading up to my college auditions, either, and I really don’t think it helped my performance.”

“Auditions? Weren’t you a marketing major?”

“Started out in dance, actually,” she clarified. “But how intense the competition was, the feeling of not being able to be the best all the time… I couldn’t hack it.”

“Because the advertising world ISN’T incredibly cutthroat? You can’t fool me, I’ve watched all the seasons of Mad Men .”

She laughed. “Yeah, well, martini lunches aren’t a thing anymore, just FYI. But honestly, it’s a lot easier to figure out you’re successful in something that’s not creative, you know? I do miss that part sometimes, but having a clear yardstick works for me.”

“You’re talking to a man who spent YEARS on a sport judged in milliseconds by an electronic pad, I totally get it.”

“Yeah, you probably would,” she said with a smile. They were turning out to have more in common than she thought. “Anyway, sleep tonight?”

“I’ll try,” he acquiesced. 

“There’s two more margaritas left, you should use those as a sleep aid,” she joked. “But I’ll get cleaned up and out of your hair.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it, I’ll do it in the morning, you already did so much.”

“Not a problem, really. I like cooking for someone who appreciates it.” She thought back to so many nights in Salt Lake when she’d made dinner for Ricky and their friends, and how he’d often told her not to go to the trouble, they all liked pizza better anyway. He never understood how much she liked being in the kitchen, doing something creative AND taking care of people at the same time. To Ricky, food was just… food. 

“Well, I definitely do.”

“Want me to leave the rest of the pan with you?”

“You’re kidding, seriously? That would make my weekend, both because they’re delicious and because now I don’t have to think about food.”

Gina laughed. “Sure thing, just make sure you soak the pan when they’re done, because those sauces are STUCK.”

“Oh, not to worry. I’m not a cook, but I AM an absolute neat freak, it will come back to you in pristine condition,” he promised. He walked her to the door. “Seriously, thank you, again. This was… really something I needed. And not just because I don’t remember if I ate lunch.”

“Let me know how it goes next week? I’m SURE you’re going to crush it.”

“Thanks, I will,” he said with a smile and a wave as she headed out into the hall. 

She glanced down at her phone as she was leaving, and realized that she’d missed Ricky finally responding to her text.

Ricky: Thanks. 

Ricky: Still think it’s a little weird you’re bringing this semi-rando that you’ve never mentioned before to my wedding

Ricky: But I guess maybe it’ll be more fun for you that way.

Gina sighed, dropped her phone in her bag, and didn’t reply.

Chapter Text

EJ sat up, groggy, not really knowing what time it was, when he realized the noise he was hearing was someone knocking on his apartment door, and that he’d passed out on his couch at some point that afternoon.

In his defense, he wasn’t expecting anyone. He had specifically planned to spend the entire day after he finished the bar exam just catching up on sleep and cleaning his apartment. His father had unfortunately interrupted those plans, and they’d been on the phone for over an hour during Cash’s lunch break from a deposition, doing a post-mortem on the content on his exam and how he thought he’d done. Getting through Cash’s grueling line of questioning was more exhausting than the actual exam itself, and by the time they hung up, EJ was completely wrung out and just fell asleep. 

But now it was a little after 6 and someone was knocking on his apartment door. Trying to remember if he had a delivery of something due, he rolled off the couch and walked to the door.

When he opened it, he was shocked to see Ashlyn and Gina on the other side, both blowing party noisemakers and holding something that looked like a bakery box and a crock pot. He could not have been more confused. 

“Congrats, cuz, you made it!” Ashlyn cried, before wrapping him in a hug.

“Ash? Gina? What… what’s going on?” he said, his brain still a bit addled with sleep.

“Oh my God, EJ, did we wake you up? I told you we should have texted him first?” Gina said, nudging Ash’s shoulder, careful of the dish she was carrying.

“And miss the look of utter confusion on that cute little face? Never!” Ashlyn said cheerily. “So, are you going to let us in, or…?

“Sorry, sorry,” EJ mumbled, still not one hundred percent certain what was happening. 

“We came to help you celebrate being done with your exam and, you know, getting your life back,” Ashlyn explained as she piled the box and some shopping bags on EJ's small table.

“She wanted to drag you out to dinner and a bar tonight, but I told her a quiet night in getting you drunk was probably a better fit for where you’re at,” Gina said, laughing. EJ just looked at her astonished. They’d only met a handful of times, how did she already know what he needed so well? “And I was feeling a little sorry for your kitchen, so I decided SOMEONE should make a meal in there,” she teased.

“She was ready to cook you a whole damn Thanksgiving dinner when I told her that was your favorite,” Ashlyn said with a roll of her eyes as Gina flushed a bit. “But it’s WAY too hot for that shit.”

“So instead, I googled Chicago foods, and found this recipe for Italian beef sandwiches, so this thing has been going all day,” she explained, placing the crock pot on the counter and looking for a plug. “We should probably let it heat back up a bit before we put the sandwiches together and toast them in the oven.”

EJ practically groaned. “Oh my God, those are my FAVORITE back home,” he said, trying to peek around Gina into the crockpot. “I could hug you right now,” he said. Gina just shrugged and opened her arms, and he felt his face go red as he leaned in to hug her. “Seriously, this is so unexpected, thank you.”

“My love language is food,” she joked. 

“No love for the baked goods?” Ashlyn asked, opening up the box she'd brought. “I made you the cupcakes Aunt Diane always makes for your birthday.”

EJ was absolutely floored. “I really can’t believe you two went to all this trouble for me, you absolutely didn’t have to do this,” he said.

“We WANTED to, Eej,” Ashlyn insisted. “Can you just accept that now that you live here, I’m going to forcibly do nice things for you, both because I love you AND to try and keep you from being an absolute stress mess all the time?”

He laughed out loud. He’d admittedly been a LITTLE high strung in his preparations for the bar exam. But maybe now that it was over, he’d try and relax a little.

A little. Relaxing was never really his strong suit.

“I’ll try,” he promised. “I’m not exactly… low-key by nature. But you didn’t need to rope poor Gina into this. I didn’t agree to go to this wedding just to keep getting fed.”

“If you want me to take my crockpot and go…” Gina teased, a laugh on her lips.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he laughed. “Can I at least get you something to drink while dinner finishes?” He pulled open the fridge. “I’ve got… water, two cartons of Muscle Milk, and orange juice of questionable age.”

“How do you LIVE like this?” Ashlyn tutted, pulling two six packs of beer out of one of the shopping bags. “We’re going to the farmer’s market this weekend and getting real food for this place.” She paused. “And we’re definitely going out tomorrow night after work, you’re on notice.”

He held his hands up in surrender. “Ok, fine.”

Ashlyn popped the tops of three bottles of beer and handed one to each of them. 

“A toast!” she cried. “To EJ, soon-to-be member of the New York State Bar Association!”

“Don’t say that out loud, Ash!" EJ hissed. "I won't get my scores back for months."

She snorted. “I’m not worried, and you shouldn’t be either.”

EJ just gave her a look. ‘Not worried’ wasn’t a part of his vocabulary. But he hesitantly clinked his bottle against Gina and Ash’s and took a long swig. 

For the first time in weeks, EJ genuinely felt himself start to relax as the night wore on. He ate the incredible sandwich that Gina had made, and more cupcakes than he should have that Ash somehow made exactly like they’d had as kids. 

At one point, Gina’s phone rang with a Facetime call. “Oh, I should take this, do you mind if I…”

He noticed that Ashlyn was giving Gina a LOOK, and that Gina was steadfastly avoiding meeting Ashlyn’s eye. 

“Balcony’s pretty quiet usually,” EJ said, gesturing to his small outdoor area. 

“Thanks,” she said, and stepped out to answer the call.

Ashlyn rolled her eyes and threw herself back on the couch.

“So what’s all THAT about?” he asked, waving his hand at Ashlyn.

“There’s exactly two people who Facetime Gina. Her mom, every Sunday after she leaves church. And at random intervals, later at night, probably when he’s been drinking? Ricky.”

“Who’s Ricky?”

“The guy you’re going to Utah to watch get married.”

“Ok, so her friend from high school, why all that…”

“The guys she’s been in love with for years,” Ashlyn said bluntly.

“Oh…” was all EJ could say. 

“It’s long, and messy, and complicated. They’ve never ACTUALLY dated, but he treats her like his emotional support animal and it drives me crazy. He’s been off and on with the girl he’s marrying for almost ten years, and whenever they were off, he’d start to catch feelings for Gina and talk about how great she was and how much he cared about her, and then the minute things shifted with his girlfriend, left her high and dry. I’ve watched the cycle like three times, and I HATE it. But she can’t seem to let go.”

“That sucks,” EJ said, not sure what else to say. Going to this wedding was starting to seem more complicated by the minute. 

“After he got engaged, he went full no contact with Gina for like three months, totally ghosted her. I got the impression that his now fiancée wasn’t thrilled about their relationship and told him to cool it, but then the late night drunk Facetimes started again. Obviously, he’s worked it out with the future wife to some degree because Gina got invited to the wedding, but it’s a touchy thing.”

“What’s with the hold he’s got on her?” EJ asked. He couldn’t help it, a surge of protectiveness rose in his chest. He’d always been that way with Ash, guess it was going to spill over to her roommate, too.

It had absolutely nothing to do with the way it felt when she smiled at him. Nothing at all.

“You know about all the moves?” EJ nodded. “I guess he was the first guy that she really like, let herself fall for, you know? She never wanted to get too attached because a move was coming. She thought they’d be in Salt Lake long term, so she started to like, let go a little, with him. Then her mom got recalled to DC again, and they had to go. Broke her heart to leave him behind. It ended up only being temporary, and they were back in Salt Lake a few months later. But by then, Ricky was back with the girl he’s marrying again, and their whole dynamic just kinda got set in stone. He’ll always be her ‘what might have been,’ you know? And nostalgia plus delusion is a hell of a drug. And he feeds right into it, calling when he’s drunk saying ‘he can tell her things he can’t tell anyone else’.”

“That’s… not a great look for a guy getting married to someone else.”

“You think?” Ashlyn snorted. “So yeah, that’s what you’re walking into in Salt Lake. Excited yet?”

EJ took a long sip of beer. Truth was, while he wasn’t exactly excited about watching Gina in a tough situation, he actually WAS happy that he’d be there for her. That she’d have SOMEONE there for her, he meant. It didn’t need to be him, exactly. But just… someone who was outside the whole thing that she could lean on.

He had a few weeks to prove to her that he could be that person, anyway.

He glanced out through the glass door and noticed Gina had hung up. “Do you think I should go, you know, see if she’s ok?” he asked. “I get the feeling she’s heard everything you have to say on the subject already… multiple times…”

Ash narrowed her eyes at him. “I just want what’s best for her.”

“I know, you ‘want what’s best for me’, too, so I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of a patented Strong Ashlyn Opinion,” he quipped.

“Be my guest,” she said, holding her hands up. 

EJ picked up both their beers and went out onto the small balcony, barely big enough for both of them and the chair he’d set out there.

“Hey, here’s your drink,” he said, offering her the half-consumed bottle. “Everything ok?”

She sighed. “That was my friend, Ricky. We’re… close. It’s sorta complicated. When he calls, he’s usually bothered about something and I’m kinda the one person he looks to, you know, to help him get back to level.”

“I mean, you’re a pretty incredible friend, so I can get why he’d want to reach out to you. Look at all the things you’ve done for me, and I’m just Ashlyn’s annoying cousin.”

She managed a light laugh. “You’re not JUST Ashlyn’s annoying cousin, you’re also my emergency wedding date.” She paused for a moment. “It’s… it’s Ricky’s wedding we’re going to. Back in Salt Lake. It’s probably going to be like, kind of a lot. I’m guessing Ashlyn filled you in a little bit… I should have told you before you agreed to go, I’m sorry. If you want to back out, I totally get it. You probably don’t want the drama and all that…”

“Hey, Gina…” he said, putting his hand on her shoulder. “I’m related to Ash, I can handle a little drama.” She gave a small laugh but still didn’t meet his eye. “It sounds like you really need somebody to be there with you… let that be me, ok?”

She finally looked at him. “Are you sure?”

“We made a pact, and I intend to follow through. Can’t let you think you can cancel on me for the one I’m taking you to,” he smiled.

“Ah yes, the Long Island extravaganza. So what’s the deal there? Any weird ‘it’s complicated’ situations with that crowd that I should be aware of?”

“Oh, plenty, there was a lot of inter-team dating that’s bound to get messy. Should actually be a very entertaining night.”

“So are you at the center of any of that drama?”

“My dad likes to give me advice about A LOT of things, and some of it’s pretty questionable, but that’s one he was actually right about… I never dated a teammate. My longest college girlfriend was on the cheerleading squad.”

“Of COURSE she was,” Gina laughed.

“Hey now, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Come on, look at you! Clean cut All-American type? You were probably homecoming king in high school, too, weren’t you?”

He was silent, and she just laughed. “I knew it!” She shook her head and took a sip of her beer. “So what happened to the cheerleader?”

He sighed and leaned against the balcony rail. “The same thing that happens with all of them… I’m way too intense to actually be functional in a relationship, I mess them all up.”

“So the level of stress lately wasn’t just bar exam related?”

“I mean, that was definitely worse than usual, but my baseline is… pretty damn high strung.”

“I’ll make you a deal,” she said. “You help me navigate the whole Ricky… situation without losing my mind, I’ll make sure that you actually have fun at these things.”

“It is a pact, after all,” he smiled. “I’m down.”

She clinked her mostly empty bottle next to his and finished it in one sip.

“Well, we really should get back, Ash and I do have to work tomorrow. And then we’re apparently going out?”

"What do you think the odds are she forgot about that?”

Just then, Ashlyn poked her head out the door. “Hey, Gi, we gotta bounce. It’s going to be a late one tomorrow night, we need our beauty sleep!”

“Approximately zero,” Gina deadpanned, and EJ burst out laughing.

“What did I miss?” Ashlyn asked curiously.

“Nothing, cuz,” EJ said with a smile. “Let me walk you out.”

Gina pointed out where she’d left the leftovers, along with detailed reheating instructions including how to turn on his appliances, for EJ, while Ashlyn packed up a couple of the cupcakes to take back and leave EJ the rest.

“Thank you, again, really. This was so much fun, exactly what I needed after this week.”

Ashlyn wrapped him in a tight hug. “And we’ll continue the celebration tomorrow!” EJ rolled his eyes at Gina over Ashlyn’s shoulder, and she tried to contain her laughter.

When Ashlyn let him go, he held his arms out to Gina, a bit shyly. She stepped in and hugged him warmly, and he caught the scent of her hair, something with coconut. He inhaled a little bit deeper, surprised at how much he enjoyed the smell.

They broke apart smiling and Ashlyn and Gina left with a wave.

EJ closed the door behind them, thinking about everything he’d learned about Gina and their upcoming wedding dates. He was determined that she’d walk out of that wedding in Salt Lake with a smile on her face.

And really, not just because of how much he liked her smile. He swore.

Chapter Text

“Gina, seriously, just show us the dress! You’re going to a wedding, not to meet the Queen of England!” Ashlyn cried exasperatedly from the other side of the door.

“Give her time, Ash, she’s trying to land between ‘bitch, look at all you could have had’ and ‘thank you for having me to this lovely event’,” Carlos explained. “This is a tricky style moment.”

“I’m regretting asking either of you to come shopping with me,” Gina groaned. She felt a slight headache pulsing behind her eyes, a combination of frustration and a bit of a hangover, since Ashlyn had persuaded everyone to come over for a wine night at their place Saturday after they'd all had such a good time going out on Friday. Gina and Carlos had even convinced EJ to let them teach him a few swing steps for the fancy black tie wedding that had both a jazz band for the beginning of the event AND a DJ for late night planned. He made up for his lack of skill with enthusiasm, encouraging Gina to give him all her tips and coaching.

Ricky never wanted to dance with her. He'd dance with Nini, though.

In the dress shop, Carlos snorted "You say that like I wouldn’t have just crashed it anyway." Gina considered that was probably true.

“And I’m not JUST shopping for Ricky’s wedding, I need to get something black tie for the other one I’m going to with EJ, it's in the Hamptons at that winery?”

“Ah yes, the pretentious Georgetown-ness of it all,” Ashlyn said with a roll of her eyes.

“You went to NYU, darling,” Carlos reminded her. “People in glass houses…”

“You’re just jealous,” she countered. 

“DESPERATELY, you have no idea how bad I wanted to go to Tisch for choreography,” he agreed. “But Parsons and fashion merchandising is a much more stable career, so it made mi madre happy.”

“Can you two please focus?” Gina said, coming out of the dressing room. “What do you think of this one?”

It was knee length, navy blue lace with a shorter lining underneath. It had spaghetti straps and a crossover neckline and seemed like something you might wear to the wedding of a man you were secretly in love with.

Gina was pretty sure, anyway. She must have seen some late 90s romcom about this at some point.

But Ashlyn was shaking her head and Carlos gave it a thumbs down. 

“Too conservative,” he deemed. “It doesn’t look like YOU at all.”

“I don’t want to wear anything that makes it look like I’m trying to, you know, upstage the bride or whatever.”

“That doesn’t mean you need to disguise yourself as the drapery, darling,” Carlos said dryly.

“You see what she looks like? It might,” Ashlyn reasoned. “But that dress is still a no, so boring.”

“Ok, so are either of you going to do anything to actually HELP, or are you just here to veto my choices and make sure I go home empty handed?”

“Maybe let’s find a gown for the other one first?” Carlos suggested. “That seems less… overwhelming a task.”

“I figured something formal would be even harder,” Gina shrugged.

“The dress for that one is just a dress, this one is a MESSAGE,” Carlos countered. 

“Ugh, for the last time, guys, it IS just a dress.”

But the look that Carlos and Ashlyn exchanged let her know they both clearly thought differently.

Truth be told, so did Gina, but like there was any way she'd admit that out loud. 

Gina put her own clothes back on and came out of the dressing room. "Well, all four of those were a bust, should we go look for something long for the other one?"

"What's EJ wearing to that one?" Carlos asked. "We're not giving senior prom or anything, no matching vest and tie, but a rough idea is nice."

"It's black tie, so… a tux, I'm guessing?" Gina shrugged.

"That you think that's enough info for me to help you is proof you've spent too much time around straight men," Carlos said dryly.

"Well, how am I supposed to know what he's going to pick to rent?" Gina asked defensively.

"Oh, he won't rent," Ashlyn commented, scrolling through her phone. "He definitely owns at least one tux, hold on, let me find a pic."

"He owns his own tux? Why?" Gina asked.

"He gets dragged to all kinds of fundraiser gala type things whenever he's home in Chicago," Ashlyn explained. “Since high school, it’s been cheaper for him to buy one every couple of years than rent the number of times he’d need one.”

Gina’s eyebrows shot up. She knew Ashlyn and EJ came from money, obviously. But there’s money, and then there’s like, gala level money. She hadn’t realized that EJ fell into the latter category until that very moment.

And of course, Carlos being Carlos, he was the one to say something about it.

“Wait, so… how rich is he, exactly?”

Ashlyn kind of shrugged. “I don’t know specifics, but I know his dad makes a ton, on top of, you know, the general Caswell family money situation.”

“Yeah, he's buying next time we go out for drinks,” Carlos said. 

Ashlyn just rolled her eyes and held out her phone to Carlos. “That’s the one he wore to the last thing,” she said, pointing to a photo on EJ’s Instagram with his mom from the last charity event they’d been to, looked like on New Year’s Eve. 

Carlos considered the picture for a moment. “Pretty standard, silk peak lapels, better than a shawl lapel… single button… boring, but classic,” was his final assessment. “Ralph Lauren, I’m guessing?”

“I have no idea, Carlos, it’s a black suit!” Ashlyn cried, exasperated. 

“Tuxedo,” he said witheringly. “They’re not remotely the same thing.”

Gina huffed in frustration. “Can I please see the photo so I know what I should be working with? Because neither of you are any help at all!”

She snatched the phone out of Carlos’s hand, and was a bit taken aback at the image on the screen. EJ was wearing a wide smile and an obviously expensive suit, laughing with his mom in an elegant gown.

And he looked HOT.

Look, Gina had obviously noticed that EJ was really good looking, in a conventional sort of way. Yes, his green eyes were striking and unique and kind of amazing, but the rest of him was just… a completely normal level of incredibly attractive. Especially when he had on one of those sleeveless tech shirts that he wore to the gym and his biceps were all, just, OUT there. 

But in that tuxedo? He looked like he should be stepping out of a magazine ad. And she would know, she created magazine ads for a living.

Carlos was watching her carefully as she looked at the photo. “Um, what’s that stutter about?”

“What are you talking about, Carlos?” she asked, annoyed, as she handed Ashlyn back her phone. 

“Just that you went a little slack jawed at that photo,” he drawled, crossing his legs. “Is that a little drool I see?”

“Oh, come on, Carlos, it’s not like that, he’s just…” But Gina found she had no way to finish that sentence. What WAS EJ to her, other than a semi-captive audience to whatever humiliation awaited her at Ricky’s wedding? “A friend,” she settled on. “Who’s doing me a favor, and I’m doing one for him, so I need to figure out what the hell I’m wearing to BOTH of these weddings!”

Carlos gave her a look like he didn’t believe a word she’d said, but got up to follow her back out to the sales floor to look for another round of dresses to try on. 

Gina flipped through the rack of long dresses, but nothing was standing out to her. Everything was either way too flashy and would look like she was trying to draw way too much attention to herself, especially as EJ’s random date, or seemed like something a mother of the bride would wear. She sighed, ready to give up and have Ashlyn and Carlos take her out another day… or maybe go alone.

But Carlos came rushing over with a length of light green sequins draped over his arm. “Ok, Gi, this is the one.

She looked at it skeptically. “For the black tie thing? Green, really?” 

“Just trust me on this one, with your skin tone, it’s going to pop like crazy.”

“And that won’t be too much?”

“I said TRUST!” Carlos practically barked, so Gina took the dress from his hands and called over to Ashlyn that they were going back to the fitting room.

She slipped the dress over her head, carefully sliding up the side zip. It was a one shoulder style, gathered under the bust and then with more ruching across the middle and a slit up the thigh. It could have easily been too much, but the back was very plain and there was actually a lot of coverage to balance out the bling. Plus, there was just something about the color that was speaking to her, even though she didn’t usually wear green. 

Gina hated to admit, Carlos was right. This was the dress for the black tie wedding.

One down, one to go.

After obtaining approval from both Ashlyn and Carlos, they went back out one more time to try to find a dress for Ricky’s wedding. It wasn’t nearly as formal as the Long Island one, so Gina was having a much harder time figuring out what direction to go in. Ricky was always kind of one to dismiss anything super fashionable as superficial, and would make fun of Gina taking forever to make a decision on something when she was shopping. Usually, when Ricky had gone with her, she ended up picking the simplest, plainest items because they were the ones he liked the best. She saved purchasing things that were a little louder or more daring for when she went shopping with their other friend, Kourtney, or Ashlyn back at school once she hit college.

Carlos had on at least three different occasions pronounced something she bought because Ricky liked it ‘boring.’

Ashlyn had pulled out a knee length dress she was begging Gina to try on. It was bright pink, Gina’s favorite color, and off the shoulder, with a U shaped gathering in the front and a slim skirt. It was actually fairly simple, but still interesting. 

Gina knew Ricky would hate it.

“I don’t know, Ash, isn’t the color a bit… much?”

“It’s PERFECT,” Carlos gasped when Ash held it up. “It’s sexy but not obvious, you know? What’s the hair situation?”

“These braids will definitely be out by then, not sure if I’ll have another set put in.”

Carlos was shaking his head. “Leave the curls wild, girl. Down with the one shoulder, we’ll style it with a part and some chandelier earrings, that’s it. This one, I’d pull the hair up, but leave some like, faux bangs out. It’ll be fab.”

“I haven’t even tried it on and you’re already planning my accessories?” Gina shook her head, but took the dress back and tried it on.

And she loved it the second she put it on.

Before she went out to show Carlos and Ashlyn, knowing they would declare it ‘perfect’, she had a decision to make.

Normally, she would have unzipped it quietly, said it didn’t fit right and put it back on the rack. She’d want to stay that girl that got Ricky’s approval, so she’d find some other dress, probably some iteration of the simple black strapless dress she’d worn when he took her to prom, strictly as friends, back when she was a senior and he was taking classes at community college and trying to figure out his life. He and Nini were broken up at that point, and she’d thought it would be the night. It was the closest they’d ever come to anything, when she’d leaned over and kissed his cheek when he’d driven her home.

“Gina…” he’d breathed, but that was it. He didn’t make a move, didn’t take her hand or kiss her back. 

So she’d walked inside, taken off the dress and buried it in her closet.

But she’d never been able to get rid of it. And she probably had three other dresses in her closet that were kind of close to it, somewhere between strangely masochistic and foolishly hopeful. 

And this dress was everything those dresses weren’t. Bright, loud, even. Joyful. Perfect for what was supposed to be a happy occasion.

So she walked out of the dressing room to the expected delight of both Ashlyn and Carlos, and ended up taking that one home, too.

Later that evening, she’d taken them both out of the bag and hung them on her closet doors. She thought for a minute about Facetiming Ricky to show him the one she’d bought for his wedding, at least, but pushed down that impulse. If he was going to hate it, she didn’t want to know.

So she scrolled back up and hit EJ’s contact instead. 

“Hey, Gi, what’s up?” he asked, picking up before the 2nd ring.

“I went shopping today, thought my pact partner might want to see the dresses I picked out for our double wedding adventure.”

“Ash told me, did you have a good time?”

“Carlos is A LOT when shopping, but he does give pretty great fashion advice. He actually picked out this one, for your friend’s wedding.” She flipped the camera to show him the seafoam sequin dress. 

“Wow, that’s some bling!”

“Too much?” she asked nervously, not yet putting herself back on camera.

“Not at all. These Long Island weddings are like the Oscars from the couple I’ve been to, it’ll fit right in. I bet it looks great on you.”

Now she was glad she was off camera because she was blushing. She swung her phone to the other side of the closet.

“And THIS is the one for Salt Lake.”

“Oh, your favorite color!” was the first thing he said. Gina was taken aback. She knew she’d mentioned in passing that hot pink was her favorite when he noted the unusual color of her favorite set of kitchen utensils. But she hadn’t expected that he’d commit that to memory. “I’m sure that one looks great, too. I mean, you look good in everything, so…"

Yeah, still blushing. “Thanks,” she said, finally flipping the camera back around to see his smiling face.

“Hey, speaking of Salt Lake,” he began. “Have you booked your flight yet? It’s a holiday weekend, so I’m guessing it’ll fill up. If you have your info, I can make sure we’re at least on the same flight.”

“Oh, I… haven’t actually booked my ticket yet. You’re right, I should get on that.”

“Oh, well, then… let me do it.”

“I mean, if you want to pick something that works for you, sure, and I’ll just Venmo you for it if that’s ok.”

“Well, I’m going to book mine with miles, so I don’t think I can do a cash flight and a miles flight on the same transaction…”

“Then never mind I’ll just…”

“No, Gina, I was… I was suggesting that I just use miles for your flight, too. Then no need to pay me back, either.”

“EJ, YOU’RE the one doing a favor for ME, I couldn’t let you cover the cost of…”

“It’s honestly no big deal, we’ve got thousands of miles that never get touched,” EJ said with a laugh. “I actually think my dad went over a million last year, because he keeps all the miles from his work travel. It’s literally Monopoly money at this point.”

“I still don’t think I can accept…”

“Gina… I told you I’d be there for you for this thing. Just… let this be one of the ways I do that, ok?”

Gina was silent for a moment. She definitely felt some kind of way about taking something like this from EJ, but at the same time, it seemed like it would be so rude to turn down something he was so insistent about.

“Ok,” she agreed. “But if you won’t let me pay you back, you at least have to let me buy your meals while we’re out there.”

“Tell you what, I’ll keep a running tally of them on the trip and instead of paying for them, you can cook the equivalent number for me when we get back.”

“Are you SURE you didn’t agree to go to this wedding just to keep getting fed?”

“I mean, it wasn’t the intent, but you’re the best cook I’ve ever seen, it would be silly not to take just a LITTLE advantage.”

Gina giggled. “It’s a deal. And thank you, really.”

EJ just gave a ‘no big deal’ shrug. “What are you and Ash up to tonight?”

“Usually Sunday stuff, laundry, getting ready for the week. Maybe binging a few episodes of something.”

“Do NOT keep watching Loki without me!” he begged. 

“Ugh, fine, but then when are you coming over to finish it?”

“I’ve got nothing but time at the moment, it’s you two with your real jobs getting in the way,” he teased.

“Tuesday night?” she asked.

“Works for me. What do I need to bring?”

“I’ll text you once we finish meal planning and do our grocery order.”

“Sounds good, later, Gi.’

“Bye,” she said, swiping to end the call.

She looked up at the dresses hanging on her closet door. Maybe going to these weddings with EJ would actually be fun. She was certainly excited about her looks. 

That was the moment it hit her, the reason she’d liked the light green of the dress that Carlos picked out so much.

It was a pretty close match to the color of EJ’s eyes. 

Chapter Text

EJ tapped his pen nervously against the clipboard in his lap. The receptionist had given him the evil eye at least three times now for the noise, but he couldn't help it.

If someone's nervous tics bother you so much, maybe don't work in a therapist's office?

He'd promised himself once the bar was over he'd get back into therapy, and he'd followed through, landing in this office the following Friday. He knew he needed to get a handle on the anxiety and stress before he walked into his new job in the fall.

And if he ever hoped to actually have a functional romantic relationship.

Which he was thinking about more and more these days, exactly why he wasn't ready to talk about yet. Even with a therapist.

Finally, the door to the waiting area opened, and a serious looking man with a high and tight haircut and primly pressed shirt and tie leaned out. 

"Elijah Caswell? I'm ready for you to come back."

EJ jumped to his feet, nearly dropping the clipboard in the process. He internally chided himself that it must be painfully obvious he was there for anxiety, as he followed the man down a short hallway to a small office with a desk and a few chairs.

EJ was relieved there was no couch in sight. None of that Freud stuff for him, thanks but no thanks.

"I'm Dr. Benjamin Mazzarra," the therapist said by way of introduction. "Please, feel free to call me just Dr. Mazzarra."

EJ eyed him warily, unsure if he was kidding. But the man across from him hadn't so much as cracked a smile, so he had to guess he was serious.

"So, Elijah, what brings you into my office this afternoon?"

"Oh, um, well, first of all, I go by EJ, if… if that's OK with you. I wrote it down, on the intake form, where it asks for preferred name…" he said rather clumsily, trying to hand off the clipboard to Dr. Mazzarra. 

"Thank you, I'll be certain to review these after we meet," he said, accepting the clipboard and placing it on the desk behind him. "But I notice, EJ, that you didn't answer my question.”

EJ sighed. This was his least favorite part of therapy, trying to explain why a golden boy with a charmed life was in the room at all.

"I'm new to the city, just relocated here for work after finishing law school. I'm… a pretty high strung guy at baseline, but it's been harder to control the anxiety since a couple months before graduation. I feel like I need to get a handle on it before I start my new job." He paused for a second. "And there's also…" but he stopped before he finished the thought.

"Go on, Mr. Caswell," Dr. Mazzarra encouraged.

EJ bit his lip. "I also don't…. Can't, really, it seems, hold down a relationship. A romantic one, I mean. I have friends, and stuff. But that piece, I can't quite… figure it out."

Dr. Mazzarra nodded. "I can understand the timing of the job stress. Is there a particular reason why the relationship issue is also so prominently on your mind?"

"Just… being in a new place, I guess. Hoping for a clean slate, get a chance to find someone and not screw it up this time." There was a tiny voice in the back of his head saying Maybe you've already found someone…

But he wasn't going there literally thirty seconds into therapy.

Dr. Mazzarra nodded before glancing over at his intake form. "This isn't your first time in treatment, I see."

"No, I saw a sports psychologist when I was in college. I was a varsity swimmer at Georgetown and my junior year, in the run up to conference finals, my coach could tell I was about to crack. I was spending hours in the pool, way more than was helpful for training, but I couldn't seem to shut it off. He had me work with someone on mindfulness and mental rehearsal, all very performance driven. It was actually super helpful, but when I tried to use the same stuff to manage my anxiety around the bar exam, when I saw the same patterns, it… didn't work as well as I wanted it to. So I figured it was time to learn a little bit more about WHY I'm like this and what else might help."

"That's very insightful, Mr. Caswell," Dr. Mazzarra offered. "Let me tell you a bit about how I work, and you can decide if this is a good fit for you." EJ nodded, so he continued. "I am a cognitive behavioral therapist, so my goal is to help you recognize the underlying thoughts that are motivating your anxiety, and evaluate their accuracy and helpfulness. If we find they are not accurate, you'll learn skills to help you change those thoughts. If they are, we'll make a plan about how to address those issues directly, including perhaps some additional skills to manage your experience day to day. While I won't ask you to talk extensively about your past, our thoughts are shaped by our experiences, so we will be talking about in that context as we go on."

EJ nodded. What he was describing seemed logical, methodical. 

Exactly what a control freak like him needed.

"So you're saying we're just going to… change the way I think?"

"It's generally a bit more complex than that, but on a very reductive level…yes."

EJ paused to consider what he knew about this so far. "So… how is this going to help with the relationship stuff, exactly?"

"Well, if your anxiety is a roadblock to a fulfilling relationship, if you push others away before they can learn about your flaws and be disappointed by you, or you feel bound to fail at measuring up to their expectations of you, we will certainly address those thoughts as they emerge."

EJ blew out a long breath. "Not going to lie, feeling a little called out right now, Doc."

"You aren't paying my absurd hourly rate for me to be wrong about you," he pointed out. Dr. Mazzarra pursed his lips a bit, looking at EJ thoughtfully. "We've circled back to relationship issues again. Are you sure there isn't a more specific reason this is weighing on you?"

EJ sighed. "One of my former college teammates is getting married in a few weeks, and it's just sort of a reminder that… I don't know, that other people have something I want but can't seem to figure out how to get. Like, he and I are so similar, but he's already settling down and I can't even figure out how to see if she…" he stopped again.

"So there's someone you WANT to be with but haven't been able to make a move because of the fear?"

"No, I mean… maybe?" EJ was already frustrated that Dr. Mazzarra seemed to be able to read him like a book. He hoped it was his years of advanced training as a mental health professional and NOT that EJ was doing THAT shitty a job at hiding the complicated way he'd been feeling about Gina lately. "I'm very close with my cousin who also lives in the city, and so we've been spending a lot of time with her roommate, Gina. And she's great, and beautiful, and it's been so much fun getting to know her. We saw each other I think four times in the last week? And it feels like it might be… something. We even have this wedding date pact thing, she's coming with me to my friend's wedding that I mentioned, and I'm going with her to a friend's wedding in Utah Labor Day weekend."

"That all sounds like it would be reasonable to conclude she may have some level of romantic interest in you, as well."

"Except she's hung up on some guy back home, apparently has been for years. He's actually the one getting married out in Utah. So it already feels like I would be, I don't know, competing against some kind of fantasy. And I'm not sure how to either let it go or get over myself and just, you know, actually ask her out, beyond the whole wedding date arrangement."

"We can address your anxiety about that, certainly."

"Can we do it in four weeks before I have to fly to Utah?"

"Well, then, we better get to work. I do have some standard assessment questions I need to ask…"

Dr. Mazzarra continued with the kinds of questions EJ expected, about his childhood development and medications and substance use. But EJ's head was spinning already, almost unable to believe Dr. Mazzarra somehow got him to confess his budding crush on Gina within the first ten minutes of meeting him. 

The man was good.

EJ left his office when their hour was up, unsure if he felt any better than when he'd walked in. He'd silenced his phone obviously, so he'd missed a handful of texts from Gina.

Gina: You need to save me, Ash is going on about some thing in Bryant Park tonight.

Gina: But it's a million degrees out, I literally can't.

EJ laughed out loud reading the texts. Gina's distaste for outdoor activities in the heat had been a major point of contention for her and Ash all summer. 

Gina: So I fibbed and told her you wanted to go to the discount movie house to see that Marvel multiverse thing again before it leaves this weekend.

Gina: PLEASE tell me you don't have plans tonight and can bail me out.

EJ: You're good, I'm free. I'm just shocked SHE'S willing to see Dr. Strange again. 

Gina: Oh she absolutely is not. She's still going to the thing with Seb and Carlos, plus some work people I think. 

EJ swallowed nervously. He and Gina had hung out solo a few times, obviously, but not since he'd had to actually admit out loud that he was kinda developing a thing for her. But he pushed that aside for the moment, though he'd obviously bring this up next week in therapy.

EJ: Well, if it's just a cover story then, we don't actually have to go see that movie… or any movie at all, if you don't want. I can just tell Ash we went, and you can have a night to yourself.

Gina: No way, you're doing me a favor… again. I'll sit thru it another time. Just for you. 

Well, that didn't help.

Gina: Besides, with you not coming for brunch this Sunday, I wanna make sure we still get to hang out this weekend!

EJ frowned, remembering why he had to skip out on brunch, because he had to do his monthly call with his dad earlier than usual before Cash flew to Dallas for work, and it was sure to be, as usual, a draining experience. 

But he did feel some kinda way about Gina caring he wouldn't be there.

EJ: OK, I'll help you out on this one, Porter. I'll even buy the popcorn.

Gina: My knight in shining armor!

Gina: Come by like 6? I've got stuff for kale Caesar salads with chicken before we head out. 

EJ: Twist my arm. I'll see you at 6.

His smile was back on his face as he slid his phone back into his pocket.

Chapter Text

Gina stuck her tongue out in concentration, unwinding the last of her braids. She’d had this set in for over two months now, as the pile of loose hair on the floor clearly indicated. She just hadn’t wanted to deal with the whole removal process, but the wedding EJ was taking her to was the next weekend, and they were looking too frayed to take to a black tie event, so she resigned herself to a Sunday night spent taking these out and and then doing the entire rest of her clarifying and conditioning routine.

Once she’d detangled the last section and worked some oil through, she combed her whole head out, cleaned up the disaster she’d made of the bathroom, and got into the shower. She really worked the shampoo down into her scalp with a satisfied sigh, enjoying the relaxing feeling with the slight tug of her braids gone.

After using her most intense conditioner, she got out of the shower and wrapped up in her robe, before she sat down to start working through her treatment lotion. She worked slowly, methodically, making sure to coat every single curl. She was humming along with Nina Simone on her Spotify, her mom’s favorite music to listen to while they were doing her hair.

She heard the door to their apartment open, and called “Hey Ash, it’s wash day!” She knew Ashlyn would know immediately what she meant, that Gina was posted up in the bathroom for a long time. Ashlyn had watched with fascination the first time Gina let her see her whole hair routine. It was actually an unexpectedly intense bonding moment for the two of them, Gina letting Ashlyn see her whole experience of caring for her hair, with steps that Ashlyn had never considered in managing her long, wavy red locks.

But it wasn’t Ashlyn’s voice that came down the hallway.

It was EJ’s.

“Uh, sorry, Gi, is Ashlyn here?”

She froze, unsure what EJ was doing there, and a little panicked that she was wearing only a bathrobe. She knew EJ had a key, Ashlyn had given it to him with her blessing, but he hadn’t used it without Ashlyn warning her first. She didn’t mind, it was just surprising.

“No, she went down to Carlos and Seb’s to catch up on Drag Race,” she called back. Gina looked in the mirror and sighed before walking out to the living room, where EJ was on his phone, presumably texting Ashlyn.

“Sorry,” he repeated, not looking up from his phone. “I texted Ash that I was… that I wanted to talk to her, so she told me to head over, but then my mom called, so I got distracted, didn’t realize I never confirmed I was…”

He looked up, and immediately started stammering. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I’m clearly interrupting something, you’re…”

“I was just doing my hair,” she said, indicating her still-damp locks. “Do you wanna wait for Ash to come back up?”

“Um, do you want me to stay? You’re… I mean, it looks like I caught you right out of the shower…”

Gina thought he seemed entirely too nervous. Yes, she was in a bathrobe, but she was completely covered up. Hell, it had been over 90 half the last month, the outfits he’d seen her in on the weekends showed way more skin.

But maybe there was a certain layer of intimacy to the combination of a bathrobe and her hair undone that he wasn’t used to.

“No worries, I’m pretty much done, just gotta let it dry some more. Let me go throw on my PJs and we can put something on TV while you wait for her to see your text.” Gina knew that might take awhile, the three of them got INTO IT when they watched Drag Race and would likely not be paying attention to their phones.

“You sure? I didn’t mean to, like…”

“EJ, it’s FINE,” she assured him with a smile. “I’ve been sitting by myself taking my braids out for like two hours, I could do with some human interaction.”

He let out a long breath. “Ok, if you’re sure.”

She nodded. “Grab a drink if you want one, I’ll be right back.”

She quickly went down to her room and pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, giving her hair a quick shake before grabbing a seltzer from the fridge and joining EJ on the couch.

“So do you wanna watch something, or just talk?”

EJ looked at her with some surprise. “I mean, we can just watch something, I don’t mean to burden you with my shit.”

Gina shook her head. “Look, EJ, are we friends or not?”

“Of course we are, you’ve been an amazing friend to me this whole time that I’ve…”

“Then talk to me,” she cut in, grabbing his knee and giving it a slight shake. “You’re so set on being there for me with this whole wedding situation… which I appreciate, by the way. So why won’t you let me be there for you? It’s obvious something is bothering you.”

He let out a sigh. “It’s just… it’s like, family shit. Ash has the whole backstory.”

“Well, maybe better to get a perspective from someone who DOESN’T have all that? Just a suggestion,” she said with a shrug.

EJ seemed to consider what she was saying, before sighing heavily once again. “I have a… complicated relationship with my dad.”

Gina nodded. “Ash talks a little bit about him sometimes, he seems… intense.”

EJ laughed softly. “That’s one way to put it. He’s an incredibly successful attorney, partner at a prestigious firm in Chicago. And it’s always sort of been the expectation that I’ll follow in those footsteps.”

“And you have, haven’t you? Top undergrad, top law school…”

“And somehow, that still hasn’t been enough for the great Cash Caswell. He likes to remind me that a lot of my success is due to him, or at least the opportunities he could buy for me… private swim coaching from the time I was like, seven, traveling to meets and clinics all over, SAT and LSAT tutors, everything to try and set me up.”

“Isn’t that just what most parents would do, to want to give their kids an opportunity if they can?”

“It seems like when my dad does it, it’s to give HIMSELF an opportunity. It’s one of the reasons I’m here in New York and not back in Chicago… I just couldn’t spend the beginning of my career in his shadow. It’ll still be a thing here, to a certain extent, but not nearly as bad as it would be if I went back home.”

Gina nodded again. “That makes sense, you want to be your own man.”

“Except my dad still tries to pull the strings.” He looked down at his hands. “So look, I have this trust fund…”

Gina cut in. “EJ, I’ve been friends with Ash for five years now, I know all about the Caswell money, you don’t have to be embarrassed about it.”

“Thanks,” he said, still not looking up. “Once a month, on a Sunday, he calls to review the new financial statement for my trust, and it just always becomes this whole conversation about what I should and shouldn’t be doing, almost like his conditions on if I’ll ever see the money. I don’t care either way, to be clear… I’ll do just fine in my new job to more than meet my needs. But it’s like some part of him is still trying to control what I do, by holding the money over my head. I used to let that push me into making some pretty shitty decisions to try and earn his approval… things that made me not the best, most honest guy. I've mostly grown up from that, but now all it ends up doing is making me feel like shit that I’m NEVER going to be the guy he wants me to be.”

“EJ, that’s insane. What more does he think you should be doing at this point?”

He seemed to hesitate before he spoke, and Gina had no idea what he was going to say next.

“Tonight’s rant was about my love life, or lack thereof, more precisely. I made the mistake of mentioning I was going to a wedding next weekend, and that started the torrent of comments about how I can’t hold down a relationship, what is it about me that means no one sticks around, all that.”

Gina felt something in her chest seize up as soon as EJ said the word ‘love,’ but she didn’t have time to analyze THAT particular hiccup at the moment. Her friend needed her.

And that’s what EJ was to her, right? Her friend. At least for now.

At least for now? What kind of a thought was that? She needed to focus.

“You’ve lived in New York for what, two months now? Does he expect you to just fall in love with the first girl that you meet here?”

EJ finally looked up at her, and she swore she saw a flash of panic in his eyes at that statement, before his face settled into something more neutral.

“My parents met in law school, got married the summer after graduation. So if I was following the Cash Caswell blueprint, it’d be MY wedding next weekend, not my buddy’s.”

“It’s not like you can put a timeline on those kinds of things, like, not everyone meets the love of their life in college… or high school…” she said, before she could stop herself. EJ’s brow creased a bit when she said it, as if he noticed something was off, but she kept talking before he had time to fill in the blanks. “EJ, you’re a really good guy, I wish you could see what I… everyone else sees,” she quickly corrected. What was THAT slip about?

“Well, my dad certainly doesn’t see it,” EJ said, flopping back against the couch. Gina was glad he didn’t seem to catch her statement, but she still felt terrible that she hadn’t made EJ feel any better. “And that’s probably why underneath the whole image I try to project, I’m such an anxious mess most of the time.”

“There’s… ways to help with that,” Gina ventured. “People you can talk to.”

“Oh, I know… I actually just started with a new therapist,” he said. Gina was a little surprised he was willing to just put that out there. Ricky had gone to therapy after his parents split back in high school, but he almost treated it like a dirty secret and swore Gina to never tell that she even knew. She was pretty sure him hiding it was a factor in one of his many breakups with Nini over the years. “Saw one in college, too, for performance anxiety. Too bad my entire life feels like a performance when my dad’s watching. That just makes it… life anxiety.”

She smiled. “I’m proud of you, EJ. It… it can take a lot to admit you need help. For what it’s worth, I don’t think of you as an anxious mess.” She paused for a moment. “Ok, MAYBE I did that time I brought you dinner right before the bar, but to be fair, I think anyone’s an anxious mess in those circumstances.”

He gave a bit of a chuckle. “Yeah, that’s fair. Must be something about being around you that makes me feel better,” he said, before quickly adding “You know, you and Ash and my friends and stuff. Helps me forget for a bit that I’m a massive disappointment.”

“EJ, come ON, you are NOT,” she said, reaching out to shake his shoulder. “I don’t make wedding date pacts with massive disappointments, alright? This girl’s got STANDARDS.”

“Wasn’t I like, the only available option for the Utah thing?” he asked, giving her some side eye.

“It… MAY have started out that way,” she said with a roll of her eyes and a smirk. But it melted into a sincere smile as she looked him in the eye. “But trust me, now that we’ve spent more time together, there’s literally no one else I want coming with me, I swear.”

She watched his face soften, the smile finally making it all the way up to those beautiful green eyes.

“Hey,” he said, sitting up straighter. “Sorry for being so wrapped up in my shit that I didn’t say so right away… I love your hair like that! The braids were nice, too, but that looks so much, I don’t know, like your personality. That’s super weird to say, isn’t it?”

She blushed. “No, it’s not, it’s… sweet. Thanks, it needs to breathe a bit between sets of braids, so it’ll definitely be out loud and proud for the wedding this weekend. If that’s ok with you.”

“Why would I care how YOU wear YOUR hair? You’re going to look great no matter what, I’ve seen the dress.”

She giggled. “I just didn’t want the whole thing to be… too much.”

He looked her right in the eye, and shifted towards her on the couch. “Gina, there’s no such thing as too much of you.”

She blushed even harder. “Watch it, or I’m going to get used to you saying such nice things about me.”

“Who says I’m planning on stopping?” he said with a smile.

And before Gina could react, Ashlyn came banging into the apartment, and EJ turned around to look at her, the moment broken.

“Hey, Eej, I got your text, you wanted to talk?”

He glanced back over at Gina with a smile. “Thanks, I think I’m ok now.”

“Whatever you say,” she replied with a shrug. “Gi, your hair came out great! Did you decide if you’re getting it braided again before you leave for Utah?”

Ricky had once told her he loved her hair in braids. Probably the closest he’d come to saying he loved her, honestly. So for the last few years, she’d always had it in box braids when she visited home. She always said it was because summer maintenance was easier that way, which was partially true.

But it was also at least a little bit for Ricky.

Then she remembered what EJ had said about her hair, that she should wear it how she liked it.

And maybe a little bit that he liked it this way, too.

“Nah, don’t want to spend hours in the chair. I think I’ll take Carlos’s advice and do a modified up do.”

Ashlyn nodded. “The man knows fashion. EJ, you sticking around for a while? We’ve got leftovers I can heat up for you if you didn’t eat yet, Gina made lettuce wraps that are bomb.”

“We never did watch that show,” Gina offered.

“I’m just going to make you keep going with Hawkeye, you sure you want that?”

She looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling almost shy for a reason she couldn’t quite articulate. “If it means you’ll stay a little longer, we can watch whatever you want.”

EJ didn’t say anything, just smiled and reached for the remote.

Chapter Text

EJ looked in the mirror in the hallway of the hotel room one more time, adjusting his bowtie.

"Just give me one more second," Gina called from the adjacent bathroom.

"Take your time, shuttle doesn't leave for another 20 minutes," he said, pulling out his phone to glance at the picture he'd taken of all the info on the invite.

He'd picked Gina up in the rental just before 11, taking their time on the drive and stopping for lunch on the way. It was in the little cafe in Syosset, when they were finishing their iced teas and splitting a brownie for dessert, where he'd finally gotten up the guts to tell her about his major mistake about this weekend.

"So, uh, I probably should have mentioned this before we left Manhattan so you could still back out if you wanted…"

"EJ, you're scaring me," she said. "Is this not a wedding and actually a secret cult initiation or something?" The sparkle in her eyes and smile quirking up the corners of her lips let him know she was just kidding.

But he might actually be less embarrassed about that.

"No, no nefarious Georgetown rituals happening. But I, uh… might have forgotten to book you a hotel room."

"Oh, so do we have to drive back to the city tonight?"

"No, I have A hotel room, as in ONE hotel room. I booked that when I got the Save the Date thing forever ago. I just… forgot to go back and book a second one for you after you agreed to come. So… we have to share a room tonight."

"Ok, and what… Do you snore like a chain saw? Talk in your sleep? Need all the lights on like some serial killer?"

He actually cracked a smile. "Not that anyone's shared a room with me in a while, but no, never heard any of those complaints from my college roommates or bunkmates at camp."

"So then… what's the big deal?"

"I just… didn't want you to feel awkward or anything, sharing a room like that."

"EJ, I've shared a room platonically plenty of times before, my best friend back home is a guy, remember? Believe me, nothing ever happened there." He thought there was an edge of bitterness in her tone on that one, but he wasn't about to call attention to it.

He was really kinda starting to hate this Ricky dude, though. 

"I DID call and confirm we have a room with two beds, so you don't have to worry about me, I don't know, accidentally spooning you in my sleep or anything." Goddamnit, why did he even say that out loud?

But Gina just laughed. "Be the first time someone's cuddled with me in a WHILE, to be honest."

"Why is that, anyway? Not to be like, nosy. I just legit don't understand how you're single." He was kicking himself again the moment the words came out of his mouth. What was his deal today?

But Gina just gave a good natured shrug. "I've done Tinder and Bumble and all that, just… nothing serious ever comes from it. Almost like I'm comparing it to…" She broke off abruptly.

"To what?" he asked, but the sinking feeling in his gut told him he already had the answer.

She sighed. "I've told you things with me and Ricky are… complicated. We've never actually dated, but it also goes beyond simple friendship. We would have been something, back at the beginning, if I hadn't moved back to DC for a bit, I think we both know that. He was the first person who made an effort for me, to really get behind the walls I had put up. Having someone that important in your life for so long can… impact a lot of how you see romantic relationships, you know?"

"Not really," he admitted. "But I do see where you're coming from." Gina fidgeted a bit uncomfortably in her seat, and he was regretting saying anything at all.

"Ash doesn't," she said flatly. "She thinks… she says Ricky like, takes advantage of how I feel about him. That he KNOWS it's more complicated for me than just being his best friend but he likes to, I don't know, keep me around as a backup plan."

"Is that… I mean, do you think that's true?"

"I never did, and I would ALWAYS defend him to her. But did Ash tell you what happened when he got engaged?" EJ nodded, so she continued. "For him to just drop me like that… it was obvious Nini had a problem with me, and why would she if there was nothing on his end? But… not enough for me to not be the perennial runner up." She sighed, staring down into her glass, swirling the straw so the ice clinked against the sides of the glass. "It hasn't really been the same between us since. It's like I'm having to reevaluate everything about our relationship. So maybe going to his wedding will help my clarify if and how I want him in my life. We'll see."

EJ wanted nothing more than to walk around the table and pull Gina into his arms, tell her that she didn't have to settle for being someone's back up plan, that she deserved someone who would show up for her.

But he couldn't make himself do it, not before he was certain he could be that guy for her.

And he was sure Dr. Mazzarra would agree he might not be that guy just yet.

So he just said quietly "I hope you get what you need from it, too."

She looked up at him in surprise, and they locked eyes for just a second before EJ looked away and changed the subject.

"Well, then, hopefully having to room with me is the worst part of the night. And hey, maybe if we make it through tonight, we can save a little money on that Utah trip and just bunk together then, too." Seriously, why did he just say that?

But Gina brightened up at his comment. "I hope you like the hotel I sent you, they didn't do a room block or anything since almost everyone else is local so I tried to find something on the side of town closest to the Salt Flats for Saturday." They were flying out Friday for the rehearsal dinner that evening, but the ceremony wasn't until Sunday, so they were venturing out to Bonneville Salt Flats for the day, and EJ could not have been more excited. "I've never stayed there myself, this is the first time I've gone back since my mom got transferred out to California and I couldn't just stay with her."

"It looks great," he nodded. "And I can book with my credit card points at that chain."

"You're bankrolling this whole trip now?"

"I told you, Monopoly money," he said with a wave of his hand. 

"So when you say WE could save money, it's really just ME saving money?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

EJ just shrugged and smiled. "Tell me more about what we need to do out there for the real Utah experience."

Gina smiled back and began talking about all the Utah foods she missed that she couldn't get in New York, including fry sauce which she insisted was NOT just ketchup and mayo mixed together. He just sat back and grinned, watching her light up talking about her adopted hometown.

They got back on the road to Sagaponack, making good time and getting to the hotel before 3pm. The ceremony was at 5, so the bride and groom hired a couple of minibuses to shuttle people over from the hotel starting at 430. They still had plenty of time.

EJ adjusted his shirt cuffs again, the black cufflinks with an engraved 'C' that his mom and dad had given him for his graduation peeking out. Over his shoulder in the mirror, he watched Gina come out of the bathroom dressed in the long green gown she'd shown him, her curls perfectly framing her glamorously made up face. She smiled at his reflection in the mirror, while his jaw literally fell open. 

She stood behind him, plucking a stray hair off the back of his jacket. "Gotta admit, Caswell, you clean up pretty well."

"You're one to talk, Gina. NONE of you felt the need to warn me you were going to look like THAT tonight?!"

He swore she blushed a little as she brushed past him to grab her bag so they could head down to catch the shuttle.

They barely made it into the hallway before EJ heard a voice bellow from the other end of it. "Caz! You made it!"

He smiled and turned towards the distinct voice of one of his old teammates, Channing, coming down the hall. He had his arm around his fiancee, Val, who'd been on the diving team. They were also decked out in full black tie, ready to party.

"Chan, hey man, it's been too long." They immediately slapped hands and hugged, before he greeted Val with a warm hug as well.

"Long way from North Carolina, man, didn't know if you'd show."

"I'm actually in New York now, just a couple hours up the road in the city."

"No shit, huh? Might have known if you ever posted on Insta anymore. Thought you'd stay down south or head home to Chi-town."

"When you get the kind of offer I got from Kirkland, you go where they tell you," he said with a laugh. 

Val waved to get EJ's attention. "Hello, aren't you going to introduce us to your girlfriend?" she said with a smile, gesturing towards Gina.

"Oh, well, I mean…" he sort of stammered, trying to figure out how to correct Val's assumption given that they just came out of a single hotel room together.

"No need to be embarrassed that you forgot I'm here, Eej," Gina laughed as she rolled her eyes playfully, slipping her arm around his waist. "Probably won't be the last time tonight you forget all about me catching up with your old friends."

EJ shot her a look, clearly unsure what she was doing. She raised her eyebrows, a clear 'Trust me' look on her face.

"Sorry, babe, my bad," he said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. "Val, Channing, this is Gina Porter. Gina, Val and Channing were both teammates of mine at Georgetown. Chan and I were on the medley relay together and Val's a diver."

"Nice to meet you both," she said with a smile. "Should we get going?"

"Oh, Gi, I left the card in the room," EJ said. "Let's duck back in and grab it. We'll meet you guys in the lobby." He slid his hand down Gina's shoulder and grabbed her hand, pulling her back in their room.

When the door closed behind her, he spun around. "What was that about?"

"They obviously saw us come out of the same room together, you want to spend the whole night trying to explain we're just friends and having no one believe you?"

EJ wanted to ask what it was about them that made it impossible to believe that they were platonic, but he bit back the question on the tip of his tongue. They didn't have the time to unpack that now.

"So what, I'm your fake boyfriend for the night?"

"Guess so… just go with me here… babe," she teased him. 

"Yeah, sorry, that just slipped out."

"Don't be, helped sell it. Now come on, we've gotta catch that shuttle."

They headed downstairs and met back up with Channing and Val, plus another half dozen of their old teammates. EJ introduced Gina to each one, his hand firmly on the small of her back as he did. He could feel his palm getting sweaty against the sequins of her dress, and he suddenly became very preoccupied with the fear his hand would slip down further than intended as a result, and he'd end up grabbing her ass.

He quickly moved to take her hand instead. She smiled and laced their fingers together, and EJ was pretty sure his heart stopped for a second.

The shuttle pulled up and Gina tugged on their joined hands. "Let's go, babe," she said with smirk.

Yeah, forget sharing a room. EJ's current dilemma was surviving the evening, because Gina Porter was clearly trying to kill him. 

Chapter Text

Gina sat down at their table, smiling and a little out of breath. She'd been out on the dance floor for at least the last half an hour, dancing and laughing with a bunch of the girls while the guys mostly stood around and drank. Channing was the exception, but that was also probably because Channing was by far the most intoxicated of them. He kept trying to take videos on his phone but he was so hammered they didn't actually end up being of anything, though he insisted on trying to show them.

Val seemed to find it endearing rather than annoying, so Gina had to guess this wasn't unusual for him.

As much fun as she was having herself, it was even better watching EJ. He clearly looked like he was having a great time with his college buddies, laughing at shared inside jokes and trying to prevent them from telling her embarrassing stories about his party days at Georgetown. Or really, the lack thereof… most of the stories were about how funny it was when he DID cut loose, because it was so out of character for the normally straight-laced Caz, as he was known to the entire team. It genuinely made her so happy to see HIM so happy, and she loved getting a peak at his life before she knew him from someone other than Ash.

A glass of wine appeared at her elbow, and EJ was standing next to her, sipping on his own gin and tonic.

"How are you still looking so amazing after dancing like that out there? I'm exhausted just watching you!" he teased.

"I was a dancer for years, remember. It just comes back, I guess," she said with a flourish of her hand.

"Well, hope you don't mind that I can't keep up,"' he said, leaning down and pecking a kiss on her cheek as he landed in the chair beside her.

Gina flushed a bit, glancing up to see who had come back to the table that EJ was playing up the fake dating bit for.

She was only half surprised that no one else was sitting there, or really paying attention at all.

"You actually having fun, or just making a good show of it?" he asked, draping his arm over the back of her chair. "You know, just fulfilling your part of the pact."

"I'm actually having a GREAT time," she answered honestly. "It's so fun to see you with these guys."

"We're a dysfunctional little family, but at least we put the 'fun' in it, not just the Eff You,' he joked.

It wasn't a particularly great joke, but for some reason, maybe it was the wine, it struck her as so funny she laughed so hard she snorted.

She clapped her hand over her mouth, embarrassed.

"No one heard that," he assured her with a chuckle.

"So fill me in on everyone now that I can put names with faces. What's the tea on Georgetown swimming and diving circa three years ago?"

They just hung out at the table for awhile, EJ leaning into her ear to be heard over the music as he recounted who'd dated who, who'd just slept with who, and who wanted to sleep with who but got shot down. She supposed that's just what happened when you put a bunch of hot student athletes together for huge chunks of time for years.

"I have to admit, seeing the girls from your team, I admire you holding onto your 'don't date a teammate' stance," she remarked. "They're all hot, I can only imagine being around them in bathing suits all the time."

"Well, we were also in bathing suits that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination, you learn early on you gotta control yourself," he joked. "Why do you think they keep the pool so cold?"

She laughed and shook her head before taking another sip of wine.

"Well, I've been chatting with some of the girls on the dance floor, and Val said Emily Pratt was recently dumped and on the prowl. Too bad I roped you into this whole fake dating thing, I could have been your wing woman and you could have finally hooked up with a teammate, no strings attached."

A weird look crossed EJ's face.

"What, you mean you never had a thing for Emily? Objectively, she's really cute and that dress looks great on her."

He just shrugged. "I hadn't noticed."

"The dress or that she's cute?"

He waited a beat, before leaning even further into her, and saying "That there are any other women here at all tonight… feels like you're the only one I see."

Gina's heart was racing wildly. She hadn't really been paying attention to how much EJ had had to drink, but he didn't SEEM drunk to her. She pulled back a bit to look him in the eye, and he didn't look away, either.

This whole "fake date" thing was feeling more real by the minute.

Not that she minded. She'd been quietly trying to convince herself she didn't have a crush on EJ for a while now, and had only intensified after their heart to heart last weekend. Something about the way he was vulnerable and real with her had gotten to her in a way she didn't expect. He trusted her, and wanted to be there for her the way she wanted to be there for him.

It had been a long time since Gina felt like a priority to someone like that.

She'd hesitated for a bunch of reasons, though. EJ was Ash's cousin, it might get weird for them if something happened. She also knew this summer wasn't like, real life for EJ. He'd be starting a new, super stressful job in a few weeks, and she'd seen what his bar prep looked like. She didn't want to add any complications to his life while he did that, to make him think he was letting her down when he just couldn't be the kind of available he'd been this summer.

And a part of her selfishly felt like she couldn't screw this up before Ricky’s wedding, because she really couldn't bear the thought of going alone.

Or really, going without HIM.

But before that moment could become something else, a hand landed on EJ's shoulder.

"Caz, I think I'm drunk," Channing deadpanned.

"Chan, the rest of us KNOW you're drunk," EJ said with a laugh. "Maybe you should take a break."

"Babe, Caz says I need to take a break, do I need to take a break?" he hollered over to Val who was chatting with someone else a few feet away.

"Most definitely," she shot back. "Caz, you and your girl want to get some air with us?"

EJ turned to Gina. "Wanna head outside for a bit?"

She nodded. Maybe some fresh air would help her slow down her racing thoughts about what just got interrupted.

Gina slipped her hand into his as they walked out to the patio facing the vineyard, and was rewarded with one of his brilliant smiles that she loved so much.

Val and Channing settled down in a couple chairs around a small fire table, Val curling her legs underneath her in her long gown, shoes discarded back in the ballroom. Gina and EJ followed suit, never letting go of each other's hand. For EJ's part, he used his free hand to undo his bow tie and loosen the top two buttons of his tux shirt. Gina thought he looked like some 1950s matinee idol come to life.

And it was more than a little sexy that he knew how to tie a bowtie. Ricky could never even figure out a straight tie, his dad always tied them for him and then slipped it over Ricky’s head. It was cute in high school. Not cute for his first career job interview. A bowtie was next level grown man shit.

“So, Caz,” Val started. “I’ve gotten to chat a little with Gina as we’ve been dancing, so I’ve heard a little bit about her, but I want to hear about YOU TWO! What’s the love story here?”

Gina felt her chest tighten a bit at the word ‘love’ again. That seemed to keep happening whenever the L word entered the air around her and EJ. She correspondingly tightened her grip on his hand. They hadn’t thought to get their stories straight at any point after she’d impulsively decided this was a fake date.

“Oh, um…” EJ began, clearly searching for the right thing to say. “When I moved to New York this summer, my cousin Ashlyn was on me to relax a little while I was prepping for the bar.”

Channing let out a laugh. “You? Relax? Has she met you?”

EJ smiled a little ruefully. “Yeah, I know, it was a big job. So big that she enlisted her roommate to help. That’s Gina.”

“Ash and I have been friends since college, and have lived together since our sophomore year, so going on four years now,” Gina filled in. “Though somehow I never got a chance to meet the crazy handsome cousin of hers in all the family photos,” she said, glancing at EJ with a slight smile.

“And what neither of them warned me about is that in addition to being absolutely gorgeous, Gina was also the best home cook in the East Village. Once she started feeding me, I was a goner.”

“Oh God, are you still as hopeless at cooking as you were in college?” Channing cracked. “Gi, seriously, he legitimately cleared out our entire dorm with a fire alarm because he set a frozen pizza on fire in the communal kitchen.”

“And now you see why I didn’t turn the oven on for the first month I lived in New York,” he laughed.

“I didn’t realize you were so famous for your lack of kitchen skills, maybe I should have checked references before I agreed to go out with you,” Gina giggled.

“Eh, he’s not all bad,” Val smirked.

“No, he’s… actually a really great guy,” she said, ostensibly to Val, but her eyes never left EJ’s. “He’s kind, and generous, and just… shows up for me. I don’t really know how I got so lucky.”

EJ didn’t look away, a soft smile on his face.

“UGH, you two are so smitten, it’s freaking adorable!” Val exclaimed. “THIS is the kind of girl you’ve needed, Caz, someone who APPRECIATES you, who GETS you.”

EJ finally broke eye contact, looking down at their still joined hands before glancing back up at her. “Yeah, some things are worth the wait.”

Gina couldn’t handle any more meaningful eye contact, so she turned her attention fully back to Val. “SO that means I need to hear all about the girls that WEREN’T it. What are the best EJ dating disaster stories from the Georgetown days?”

Val threw her head back laughing while EJ audibly groaned beside her. And Gina was treated to stories from both Val and Channing about EJ’s numerous romantic misfires, from the cheerleader he’d already told her about who thought he wanted to propose after four months to the one where they both wanted to break up for over a month but both were too polite to end it, so Val ended up blurting it out when she was drunk that they were both over it and just break up already. Gina laughed brightly along with each one, seeing the heart of EJ shining through in each of the stories.

About a half hour later, Channing glanced down at his phone. “Oh, the night’s almost over, we should get back inside for the sendoff thing.”

Val nodded, and let Channing pull her to her feet to walk back inside, while Gina and EJ also stood up.

Val leaned over and gave Gina a hug. “It’s been so fun getting to know you a bit, and to rag on Caz over here. But seriously, I hope you stick around. You’re good for him, I can tell.”

“Thanks for all the embarrassing stories, I will tease him endlessly about the cheerleader thing,” she smiled.

As they headed inside, EJ wrapped his arm around her shoulders while she slipped hers around his waist. She couldn’t help but notice the gentle, subtle way that his hand caressed her shoulder, not content just to rest there but to wander over her skin.

“Well,” he said into her ear. “I think they bought it. Fake dating success?”

Gina almost couldn’t hear him, her heartbeat whooshing through her ears at the feel of EJ’s fingers tracing her skin. “Yup, totally got them,” she agreed.

But as EJ broke away to get their sparklers for the final send off photos, Gina couldn’t help but think the only person she was fooling was herself, every time she tried to convince herself she wasn’t falling for EJ.

Chapter Text

“And that’s when she decided the best course of action was for us to just pretend to be together. But it was just pretend, we’re friends,” EJ added quickly.

Why he felt the need to overcompensate to his therapist, he wasn’t really sure. But as he was recounting the tale of the wedding to Dr. Mazzarra the Friday after, he made sure to highlight, multiple times, that he and Gina were still firmly in the friendzone.

“So we spent the whole night acting like a couple, holding hands, dancing together, all of that. And it was… I don’t know, it felt really nice. Sort of natural, right? But I don’t know if it’s like, that it was because we were at a wedding so it’s OBVIOUSLY supposed to be romantic, or because we were drinking, or because all of my friends were like, egging it on since they thought we WERE actually together…”

“OR because you’re actually in love with each other?” Dr. Mazzarra broke in, his incredibly deadpan demeanor breaking with frustration for the first time in the sessions they’d had so far.

EJ was speechless. He’d admitted he had a bit of a crush on Gina, sure, but he’d never said anything CLOSE to that.

Wait, did he say ‘in love with EACH OTHER’? What exactly was he implying about Gina with that?

“We’re not… we CAN’T be, Doc. I can’t be. Not yet.”

“I’m not familiar with the notion that love operates on predetermined conditions, Mr. Caswell.”

“I’m just… I’m not READY, ok? I’m still just starting to really figure out how to deal with all this anxiety, my job hasn’t even started yet, who knows what kind of idiot things I’ll do when faced with THAT level of stress? The timing is just all wrong. I’m going to mess it up before we can even get anywhere if I try to do this now.”

“And what makes you so sure of that?”

“I just know, ok? It’s how it’s always gone!”

“So you’re afraid, and because you're afraid, the thought causing the fear must be accurate?”

EJ deflated, because he knew what Dr. Mazzarra was getting at.

“That’s emotional reasoning,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry, could you speak up, I didn’t quite hear that?”

“That’s emotional reasoning,” he repeated more clearly, annoyed.

“And what do we know about the cognitive distortion known as emotional reasoning?”

“That feelings aren’t facts and can’t be treated as such,” he parroted back to Dr. Mazzarra, quoting the worksheet they’d looked at together last time.

“So shall we examine that thought a bit more in depth?”

EJ wasn’t exactly sure he wanted to, but at the same time, that’s why he was here. “Might as well,” he said with a sigh.

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic, Mr. Caswell,” he said dryly.

“Sorry, let’s do it,” he said, sitting up a bit straighter and getting ready to work.

“So, the thought is, 'I’m going to mess up any romantic relationship that I get into'.”

EJ shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“And that makes you anxious,” Dr. Mazzarra supplied.

“Of COURSE it makes me anxious!” EJ cried.

“Why?”

“Wouldn't that make anyone anxious?"

He expected some kind of reassurance that it was, in fact, reasonable to be anxious about that. But instead, all Dr. Mazzarra said was “And what would it say about you if that were true, that you're only going to ruin it?"

EJ stopped to consider that for the first time. “I guess that it means…I don’t… I don’t know, I don’t deserve it? Because it's not fair to make someone just wait around for my inevitable failure, especially…” He stopped talking, before the next thing could come out of his mouth. 

“Especially this woman, Gina,” Dr. Mazzarra said, filling in the blanks.

“She’s been through so much,” EJ sighed. “I can’t be one more thing that lets her down.”

“And what makes you so certain that you’ll let her down? What’s your evidence?”

“That I’ve been disappointing my father for more than two decades?”

“That was a question, not a statement," Dr. Mazzarra prodded.

“I’ve never been good enough for him… I always needed to swim a little faster, get grades that were just a little higher, be just a little more like him. And no matter how far I get, the goalposts move again. I literally can’t ever be enough.”

“That may all be true,” Dr. Mazzarra agreed.

“Gee thanks, Doc, I feel better already,” he mumbled, throwing himself back into his chair.

“But what evidence do you have that you won’t?”

“What do you mean?”

“Think about the person who knows you better than anyone, who would that be?”

“My cousin Ashlyn, I guess.”

“And if this… Ashlyn was here in the room right now, and you told her ‘I don’t deserve to have a healthy romantic relationship,’ what would she say?”

He smiled in spite of himself. “She’d probably smack me upside the head and tell me that I’m being stupid.”

“Why? How does she know you DO deserve it?”

He sighed. “Because I AM a good cousin to her, I think. A good friend. She knows I’ll always make time for her, even if I complain about it. And that I’m dependable, I follow through and do the things I say I’m going to do.”

“And what makes you able to do those things for her but feel like you wouldn't be able to for the women you pursue romantically?”

“She’s stuck with me, we’re related.”

“Is she stuck? I myself have cousins I see once a year at Thanksgiving. It’s a massive event, really, we rent a hall. But regardless, familial ties don’t guarantee a healthy relationship… and I know you know that.” He paused. “So what is it really?”

EJ considered the question, before landing on the heart of the matter. “It’s the fear that I can do everything in my power and will still come up short, still get hurt, still not be… the one they choose.” And as soon as the words were out of his mouth, EJ felt his chest get tight.

That’s exactly how Gina felt about her and Ricky. 

The two of them were a lot more similar than he was prepared to admit. 

But it didn’t guarantee he’d be HER first choice. 

“And what would be the worst thing about that?”

“I get my heart broken, worse off than when I started.”

“Would you be, though?”

“If I lost her completely? Definitely. She’s… she’s become the most important person in my life,” he admitted. “If she rejected me, it would crush me.”

“More than two decades of rejection by your father, who shaped this fear in the first place?”

“Seriously, ouch, Doc,” EJ said, giving him an incredulous look.

“If you want someone to hold your hand and sing Kumbayah, I can refer you to my colleague Jennifer down the hall. Literally, she sings. If you want to hear the hard truths you need to challenge your thoughts and help you grow, this is the room for you.”

“So how do I change the thought, then?”

“Well, let’s look at the evidence. You’ve never felt that you lived up to your father’s expectations. Yet you are able to live up to the expectations for Ashlyn, and I’m assuming for others?”

“Yeah, at the wedding, it was funny to hear my college friends talking to Gina about who THEY saw me as… a steady, dependable teammate, so much so that when I got a little drunk, they remembered every detail because it was SO rare that I just let go and didn’t think about what everyone else needed first.”

“A little drunk?”

“A… range of drunk,” EJ allowed, thinking Dr. Mazzarra didn’t need to hear the story Channing had told Gina about the time they all got drunk before a shaving party at regionals his sophomore year and EJ damn near sliced his left nipple off trying to shave his chest.

“So maybe the more accurate thought is…”

"I am me, and that's the only me I need to be?"

But Dr. Mazzarra shook his head. "Too far the other way, it's still not balanced enough to be helpful." He paused. "It also sounds suspiciously like a bad 1970s children's song."

EJ sighed and tried again.

“Just because I can’t make my dad happy, doesn’t mean that I can’t make someone else happy?”

“And?” Dr. Mazzarra pressed.

EJ added quietly “And it doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be.”

“You’re a quick study, Mr. Caswell, you’ll do just fine.”

“See. I get that on, like, an intellectual level. I’m a decently smart guy, you know,” he joked, before he grew serious. “But I don’t believe it yet.”

“Well, just as Rome wasn’t built in a day, your thoughts of unworthiness weren’t created overnight, either. When you were competing as a swimmer, did you jump into a race the day you learned how to do a stroke?”

“God no, I didn’t start racing until I’d already been swimming for years.”

“So you’re not going to master this new thought in just one try, either. But every time that thought of “I don’t deserve her because I’m only going to let her down,” now you need to replace it by telling yourself the new thought. Over time, it will start to stick.”

“So what do I do in the meantime?”

“Find opportunities to challenge that thought,” he said with a smirk.

“Are you telling me my therapy homework is to spend time with the woman I have a crush on?”

“That is precisely what I’m suggesting, yes.”

EJ smiled. “That part, I can do.”

“Very good. And with that, I believe our hour is up. When do you leave for Utah?”

“Next Friday, so I won’t see you again until after the trip.”

“Well, I hope spending a few days together will give you plenty of opportunities to try and reshape that thought, believe in what you deserve a bit more."

“Thanks, Doc. See you in two weeks,” he said, getting up to head out of the office.

When he got out to the street, he pulled out his phone, and as usual, he broke into a smile when he saw a string of texts from Gina.

Gina: Hope therapy went well! 

Gina: LMK if there’s anything that came up that you need to talk about more. 

Gina: But I hope you’re coming over tonight either way. 

Gina: Seb and Carlos will be here, we’re making homemade pizza.

Gina: And don’t worry, I’ll take oven duty so they stay safe. 

He shook his head, unsure how just words on a screen from her had the ability to make him feel so much better. She was everything. She DESERVED everything.

He just hoped he’d be able to figure out how to be the one to give it to her.

EJ: I’m in. Six?

Gina: Can you actually go run and get some fresh basil  so I don’t have to stop after work?

Gina: And then just head to our place, you have your key?

EJ: You got it. 

EJ: Should I grab some of the wine we got at the wedding last weekend from my place for everyone to try?

Gina: You literally think of everything. Thx

Gina: Don’t know what I’d do without you.

Yeah, nothing was going to wipe the smile off his face for the rest of the afternoon, he was pretty sure. 

Chapter Text

Gina sat in the hotel bar, staring at her phone, reading the messages over and over.

Ricky: We need to talk tonight, just you and me.

Ricky: Meet me in the bar at your hotel after I drop Nini off.

Ricky: I’ll text you when I’m OMW.

Ricky: OK, I'll see you in 20.

A complicated mix of emotions was sitting heavily in her chest. A little bit of anger, that Ricky said ‘jump’ and just expected her to do it. Frustration with herself that she did. Annoyance that he didn’t tell her what was so important that this had to happen tonight. A stubborn, inappropriate nugget of hope, that he’d finally confirm she wasn’t crazy, that there had been something between them, even though it was to say goodbye to it because he was getting married in two days.

And if she was honest, more than a little regret that she didn’t just stay up in the room with EJ.

She was already exhausted as it was. Their day had started super early, heading to JFK for their 730am flight to Salt Lake City. EJ had status, of course, so they got checked in quickly and got coffee once they were past security. The caffeine wasn’t enough to keep her awake for the entire flight, though, and she fell asleep somewhere over Ohio. When Gina woke up, she noticed EJ had draped the Duke hoodie he’d packed in case it was chilly on the plane over her, her head now resting comfortably on his shoulder as he watched a movie on his tablet. She quickly closed her eyes again, enjoying being cuddled up to him and not wanting to have it end yet, so she faked sleep for another half an hour or so before finally giving him his right shoulder back. 

It was obvious SOMETHING had shifted in their relationship after they went to that first wedding together. Gina found herself smiling every time she so much as thought about EJ. He was now the first person she wanted to text when something funny or frustrating happened at work, and she knew she blushed every time he laughed at a joke or gushed about her cooking. But she just couldn’t make herself tell him, not yet. Not until this whole wedding thing was over and she'd truly gotten closure on the Ricky situation.

He was too important to her to get it wrong.

Once they were off the plane, EJ headed down to baggage claim while Gina stopped in the ladies room to freshen up a bit. He was waiting for her at the bottom of the escalator, and the look on his face was something she couldn’t quite believe. Here she was, hair in pigtail braids to keep it under control for the flight, still shaking off the sleep and the flight, and he was looking at her with a soft smile on his face, like she was perfect.

She could almost let herself believe it meant something, when he looked at her like that.

But Ricky had looked at her plenty of ways, and it never meant anything, in the end. So she was really trying not to get her hopes up.

She met him, reaching out to take the handle of one of the suitcases, but he just rolled away towards the rental cars. She gave a good natured sigh, EJ wanting to take care of everything, just like he did for the rest of this trip.

Just like he always seemed to… Nope, had to hold that thought for now. 

Once they got the rental car, she insisted on giving EJ the unofficial tour of Salt Lake before their hotel room would be ready. She gave him directions to East High, and laughed when he did, in fact, get a little starstruck by the building where THE HSM movies were shot. Gina made sure they headed to Arctic Circle for lunch so he could experience the original Utah fry sauce, on both the fries AND the tots. EJ was utterly unimpressed by the super thick milkshakes, though, as they laughed and walked back to their car after dessert. 

“That’s not a milkshake, it’s ice cream!” he argued once again.

“Not in the Beehive State, my friend. Our shakes are so thick, you can tip the cup over and it stays.”

“Which makes it a BLIZZARD, not a shake. We have those in Chicago, too, it’s called Dairy Queen.”

“Not the same at all,” Gina said, shaking her head. “Is the deep dish at the Uno’s in New York REAL deep dish?”

“Oh, you gotta come for me like that, go for the jugular right out of the gate? That’s blasphemy and you KNOW it!”

She giggled. “I wouldn’t know, actually, I’ve never been to Chicago. Ash invited me a bunch of times, but we never could make it work.”

“Well, then we're going, and I'm taking you to Lou Malnati's, and you'll know better than to EVER call that nonsense deep dish again," he said, wagging a finger at her.

"Someone who plans their itinerary around food just like I do. I think this makes you my official travel buddy," she said with a smile as she landed in the passenger's seat.

"I'd go anywhere with you," he said quietly before flipping on the ignition. "Think the hotel is ready? We probably need to change soon, right?"

The rehearsal was that afternoon, followed by the dinner Ricky's parents were hosting at their friend Big Red's family's pizza shop. Gina had to be there since, as one of Ricky’s best friends since high school, was going to be in the wedding. Her role? The person passing out programs. 

As if she needed a clearer indication of where she stood in Ricky’s life.

They checked into the hotel, one room with two beds just like last time. Gina had packed a very ‘Ricky approved’ style outfit for the evening, a black tank dress and flat sandals. When she looked in the mirror, even she was bored with it.

“You ready for this?” he asked as they walked to the car.

“Probably not, but here we go!” she said, before adding “More ready with you here.”

“That was the plan,” he said with a smile. 

The wedding, and therefore the rehearsal, were at Heritage Park. Gina’s stomach tightened a bit, remembering the high school field trip she’d been on here with Ricky, when he’d broken the news to her that he and Nini were back together once again, after maybe their third breakup? He’d been almost apologetic when he told her that he wasn’t going to sit with her on the bus after all. Gina played it off like she was excited for him, and thought she’d done a decent job covering up her disappointment. But there had been something behind his eyes that day, something that felt a little bit like pity, that he knew she wanted something he wasn’t going to be able to give. 

That probably should have been the moment things changed for her about them, but she couldn’t let herself acknowledge it, even when it was right there to see. 

Gina was immediately greeted by Ricky’s dad, Mike, and was introducing EJ when Kourtney, another friend of theirs from high school, bustled over to start giving Gina instructions. Ricky and Nini were still on their way, so Kourtney was getting everything set.

By the time Ricky and Nini finally walked in, hand in hand, Gina was already over the whole situation. It was clear she didn’t actually need to be at the rehearsal, not like she needed to practice handing out programs. She was standing in the back talking and laughing quietly with EJ when Ricky and Nini came over to say hi before they got started.

“Gi, you made it! So glad you could come!” Ricky said in a way that felt stiff and awkward. Nini extended her arms to hug her as well, but that, too, felt forced.

“Thanks for having us. Ricky, Nini, this is my friend EJ, who graciously agreed to come with me so I wouldn’t have to travel on my own.”

“Don’t let her fool you, this is strictly quid pro quo, I already made her come to a wedding with me, this is just the payback,” EJ said with his easy charm.

“Nice to meet you, man,” Ricky said. “Can’t say I’ve heard a lot about you, though… didn’t know you existed until the reply card came.” Gina swore she saw Nini dig her fingernails into Ricky’s hand, ever so slightly. 

“Oh, she’s been avoiding me for years, I’m her roommate’s cousin. But once I moved to New York, I was forced upon her and made to be friends.”

Gina rolled her eyes affectionately. “It didn’t quite go down like that.”

“Well, glad you could both join us anyway,” Nini cut in. “Ricky, we need to get started.”

“Right, we’ll talk at dinner?”

“Sure,” Gina said with a smile, before turning back to EJ as Ricky walked away.

“Awkward,” EJ said, letting his eyes bug out a little. 

“Not just me then, ok,” Gina said with relief laced in her voice. “Well, let’s sit back and watch.” 

The rehearsal went off without any complications, as did the dinner. Ricky made small talk with them for a while, much more keyed in on finding out more about EJ than catching up with Gina, asking about his work and what schools he went to. Somewhere in the third degree, Gina let out slip that they were sharing a single hotel room, and she swore she saw a flash of possessive resentment on Ricky's face. It would have been embarrassing if they were meeting under any circumstances other than Ricky’s wedding, he was acting like a jealous ex.

Which might have been how Ricky was feeling, except he wasn’t an ex and EJ wasn’t her boyfriend, so the whole thing felt… weird.

They’d gotten back to the hotel, and Gina put her hair up and was getting ready to wrap it when she got those mysterious texts from Ricky.

She showed them to EJ, who asked “Do you really want to do this?”

Gina sighed. “I don’t know, honestly, but I think I’ll regret it if I don’t.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, he said just the two of us, I want to respect that.”

“I can wait in the lobby if you need?”

Gina shook her head. “No, you can stay up here.” She paused. “But keep an eye on your phone? I’ll text if I need to.”

He nodded, and she grabbed her bag to head downstairs. 

She was sipping her wine and staring at her phone when Ricky walked up to the table.

“Hey, Gi, sorry so late, I had to get Nini dropped off and get Red to cover for me.”

“So she doesn’t know you’re here?”

“That might… complicate things. Can I sit?”

Gina gestured to the other side of the table, and Ricky sat down.

“Sorry I didn’t get much chance to talk at the thing, these events feel like a damn three ring circus.”

“Almost done,” she said. “Just the wedding to go.”

When she said that, Ricky began nervously toying with his fingers, pressing guitar chord patterns into his palm. He’d done it for as long as Gina had known him, and she knew it meant he was anxious about something.

“What’s up, Ricky? Why did you want to talk to me?”

“I’m not sure I should get married on Sunday,” he blurted out.  

“Ricky, what?”

“I don’t know if it’s just cold feet or something, because I love Nini, I do. But after seeing you tonight… I’m not sure I should go through with it.”

“Do NOT bring me into this, Ricky. This is probably something you should have thought of before YOU ask HER to marry you.”

“I thought I was doing the right thing!” he exclaimed. “Things have been so back and forth with us over the years, I thought if I just made the commitment, it would all take care of itself. And that's mostly been fine, felt like the best decision… until you showed up.”

“You invited me,” she reminded him.

“And now it’s just a glaring reminder of everything we never had a chance to be.”

Gina had to laugh. “Never had a chance? You had YEARS of chances, Ricky, and you kept going back to Nini.”

“But you were always there for me, and…”

“And I was an idiot,” she said. “A naïve idiot who thought if I just stayed around long enough, you’d wake up and notice me. I LOVED you, Ricky. For YEARS. And you knew it.”

His silence was confirmation enough. Gina let out another incredulous laugh. “I can’t believe this, Ash was right. All the time I wasted defending you, you knew I was in love with you and decided to keep me on the hook, just in case you needed me. Always the backup plan.”

“It wasn’t like that, Gina, I…”

“Then what WAS it like, Ricky? Because you never once chose me.”

“I’m trying to choose you now,” he mumbled.

“And you’re too late, Ricky. Not now, when you’re getting married in two days. Not when I…” and she broke off abruptly. 

“This is about EJ, isn’t it?” he challenged. “Your ‘just a friend’ that you’re sharing a hotel room and all those secret giggles with.”

“It’s literally none of your business what’s going on between EJ and I.”

“None of my business? I’m your fucking best friend, Gi.”

“You think this is how a best friend acts? Giving my date the fucking third degree and trying to get in the way of something that makes me happy?”

“Then if you’re so in love with him, why’s he still ‘just a friend’?” 

“Well, Ricky, clearly I suck at moving things out of the friendzone, so…”

“Why don’t you wait like seven years to say something? See how that works out this time?”

“I didn’t have to say anything at all, you still knew. And you STILL treated me as optional.” She stood up, chugging down the rest of her glass of wine. “I don’t really care if you get married on Sunday or not, but I won’t be the reason you don’t. So I’ll be there, I’ll smile, I’ll clap, and I’ll be happy for you. Because I’m SURE it’ll be worse for you if I don’t, and I owe that much to our history. And then I’m done, Ricky. Because I don’t need to be your backup plan. Not when I know now what it actually feels like to be someone’s first choice.”

And she walked straight out of the bar to the elevator, back up to EJ.

She was crying by the time she got the door open, hot tears stinging her eyes and making her mascara run.

EJ looked up as she came in, already ready for bed in his running shorts and undershirt, and immediately closed the distance and wrapped her in a hug. All she could think was how stupid could she have been to have ever thought she belonged with Ricky, when she so clearly was meant to find this. 

She pulled back and looked at EJ, who wiped a thumb across her tear stained cheek.

“You ok?” he asked, his voice laced with concern.

“I am now,” she said, and leaned in to kiss him.

But EJ stopped her, pushing back gently, but definitively, on her shoulders.

“Gina, we can’t… not now. Not like this.”

She felt her cheeks burn with shame. “I thought…  I thought you wanted this, too.”

“I do, Gina, more than… more than anything. But it can’t happen like this. Not while you're still upset, not until you’re sure…”

“I’m sure of what?”

“That you’re not settling for YOUR second choice,” he said quietly, looking down and away from her face.

The words hit her like a ton of bricks. That her fear of never being chosen lived in him, too. They really did get each other. So she immediately understood why he couldn’t do this tonight. And why she would do everything in her power to prove to him there was nothing else she wanted or needed.

She nodded. “Can you, though… do you think, for tonight, you could just…”

“What do you need?”

“Can you just hold me?”

EJ pulled her tight to his chest for a moment, before taking her hand and laying down on one of the beds. Gina didn’t even bother to change, just slipped off her sandals and curled up with him, pressing her hands firmly against his chest while his long, strong arms closed around her.

Chapter Text

EJ woke up the next morning alone, wondering if the night before had actually been some kind of dream. But as he became more aware of his surroundings, he heard the shower running and Gina humming. He glanced over at the other bed, still neatly made up, before seeing the other side of the bed he was in had clearly been slept in.

So he and Gina did, in fact, fall asleep in each other’s arms last night. And from the looks of it, stayed that way all night.

He ran through the events of the evening before in his mind. Gina coming back so upset, him comforting her, her trying to kiss him. He knew it was the right thing to stop her, that there was too great a chance that she'd regret it in the morning.

But it's possible to be both right and an absolute idiot, he decided. Dr. Mazzarra would call it 'cognitive flexibility'. He called it 'being EJ Caswell.'

Listening to Gina's happy music from the bathroom, though, she definitely sounded better than last night.

Now it was just a matter of if it was because she finally felt free of Ricky and was ready to go for it with EJ.

Or if she was glad EJ stopped her, because she dodged a bullet.

He just needed to figure out how to ask the question.

The water shut off and Gina emerged from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her and a smile on her face. EJ couldn't help but smile back, the casual domesticity of it pulling on his heart strings.

"Forgot to grab my hiking clothes," she said, reaching into her suitcase and pulling out a few things. "I hope you're excited for Salt Flats day!"

She ducked back into the bathroom and emerged with her hair tied up on the top of her head, in leggings and a sports bra with a loose tank over the top.

"It's going to be hot out there, I hope you brought something light," she said.

"Got it covered," he said, before he got up and headed into the shower himself.

Once EJ was ready, they got in the car to start their drive out of town. They chatted nonchalantly about their plans for the day, including checking out a couple different spots on the flats, the racing area and then the best photo spot. They had missed the big speed competition by a couple weeks, but EJ was still excited to see somewhere that was so important to car racing.

"Tell me more about this car obsession, I feel like I don't get to see that side of you in New York where you don't drive" Gina teased as they left the city, planning to grab breakfast a little ways outside.

"My dad's also a big car guy, so it's like the one thing we actually bond about that's not laced with tension and disappointment," he said, only half sarcastically. "Growing up in the Midwest, American muscle cars are a big deal. He's got a couple of Chevy sports cars, and some of my favorite memories are him teaching me how to drive stick in his Camaro. Helps that he started when I was 13," he said with a smirk.

"That's all kinds of illegal," Gina pointed out.

"Not in a private motorsport club, my dear," he teased.

"Oh so you like Richie Rich," she said, giving it right back to him.

"I prefer Tony Stark rich, thank you very much."

"Isn't Batman the best known rich comic book dude?"

EJ scoffed. "Maybe in the DC universe, you know…"

"You're a Marvel guy, yeah, yeah, I get it, Iron Man."

"Two months ago you had no idea who Tony Stark was, I'm impressed. Sorry, guess I'm rubbing off on you," he said as he eased the car into a spot in the diner lot.

"There's a lot worse things that could happen to someone than being a little more like you," she smiled, but before he could say anything, she jumped out of the car.

They settled into a booth and continued to chat about nothing and everything, but they were both clearly distracted. As they walked to the car, their hands brushed against each other and EJ felt his heart jump. He blew out a long breath, knowing it was time to have the conversation. He leaned against the bumper of their rental Jeep and turned to face Gina.

"So… are we going to talk about last night?"

Gina immediately turned red and looked at the ground. "I'm so sorry, EJ, I never should have tried to kiss you like that. You were totally right to stop me, I…"

But EJ shook his head. "I don't mean that part, we'll get to that, I'm sure. I mean what happened with Ricky, are you ok?"

Gina looked confused. "I tried to kiss you last night and you want to talk about Ricky?"

"No, I want to talk about YOU, Gina. If you're not ok, none of the rest of it matters."

There was a look on her face that EJ couldn't quite decipher.

After what felt like the longest five seconds in the history of civilization, she asked "What on earth did I do to deserve you?"

That word, deserve. It would always be so loaded for EJ, the thought that he had been given such advantages and privileges that he couldn't live up to, that his dad had made him feel like he never would. And here was this amazing woman, questioning the very same thing.

It made his heart break a little, that she could feel that same way he did.

And he would do anything to take that feeling away, replace it with the iron clad knowledge that she deserved nothing less than all of his love, for as long as she'd have him.

He didn't say any of that right now. He hoped they'd have a long, long time to talk about that.

Instead, he just said. "You're you, Gina. That's enough. It always will be."

There were literal tears in her eyes. "It never has been before. Ricky… last night he told me he was thinking of calling off the wedding for me. The only way I was enough was because he was about to lose me."

EJ's eyes grew wide. "What… what did you tell him?"

"That he was too late," she said simply.

EJ's heart was pounding as if he'd just swam an all out sprint to the wall.

"Why is that?"

Gina reached down and put her hand in his.

"Because I'm choosing the one who chooses me."

EJ let out a long breath. "Gina, are you sure this is about me, like, actually me and not just because the other guy let you down?”

Gina shook her head. "I get that worry, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I've spent the last couple months sort of seeing you through that lens sometimes, sort team Ricky vs team EJ… though if it helps, you definitely won." He let out a small laugh as she continued. "But it's not like that anymore, I promise you. It's just YOU, EJ. I’ve NEVER had someone in my life that shows up the way you do. And yeah, you’re anxious as hell sometimes, but it’s because you CARE. And it makes me care about you, so much more than I ever expected to. It’s been the best surprise of my summer.”

He shifted his hand to lace their fingers together. “Gina, you want to talk about showing up? You’ve been there for me in ways I didn’t even know I needed, right from the start. That support… I don’t even want to think how far gone I might be in my own head without it. You make me want to be better, for you AND for me. And I can’t ever thank you enough for that.”

Gina wiped away a tear that had escaped the corner of her eye, and he was once again overcome by the urge to pull her into his arms. And he quickly realized there was nothing stopping him. He dropped her hand as he snaked his arms around her waist, and she seemed to melt into him. They'd embraced countless times over the last two months, but this felt different.

And this time, when Gina leaned in to kiss him, he didn't stop her. In fact, he pulled her closer as their lips met.

EJ thought the first time they kissed, it would be fireworks. That they'd finally catch fire after weeks of smolder and smoke.

And the reality was so much more than that.

It was passionate, sure. After such a loaded emotional moment, it would have to be.

But it wasn't a burn, it was a glow. Bright and insistent, steady and sure. Like the light someone leaves on in the window to come home to at night.

Home. That's what it was.

They eventually broke apart, and Gina looked at him with a hope he didn't know she had.

"So does this mean, you know, that we're…"

He could barely breathe. "I never get this right," he said softly, a warning for her, a reminder for him.

"But you keep on trying," she reminded him.

"And I’m ready to try it with you," he said, before kissing her again.

There was a smile on Gina's lips when they had to pull back, breathless.

"I'm going to have so much explaining to do to anyone at the rehearsal that heard me call you 'my friend'."

"Well, thanks to your fake date scheme, all my other friends already think we’re together, so I’m getting off easy there,” he laughed.

“Come on,” she said, unraveling her hands from his neck and grabbing his hand. “My boyfriend is kind of a car nut, I need to get him out to see the salt flats, that's the whole reason he came to Utah.”

“I mean, I actually just wanted to spend the weekend with my gorgeous girlfriend, but the tourist stuff is a nice side benefit,” he teased.

They held hands the entire rest of the drive, Gina recounting more of what had gone down with Ricky the night before.

"So do you think he's actually going to call it off?" EJ asked.

“I honestly have no idea.” She sighed. “He loves Nini, he always has. Even back the very first time we were… close to anything, he wasn’t over her, not really. But his parents’ marriage imploded when we were in high school, it’s actually something that we bonded over, our weird ass family situations at the time,” she said with half a laugh. “So I guess I didn’t know for certain if he’d EVER be ready for it, with Nini or me or anyone else. Is it bad that I’m not surprised he’s got doubts, just annoyed that he tried to make them about me?"

“No, it makes a lot of sense. And that you’re an amazing friend, honestly.”

“I don’t know, I told him last night that after the wedding, I was done with him, even as a friend. And I’m still not sure what place he can have in my life, you know? And obviously, what you’re comfortable with.”

EJ’s brain was racing, but he took a deep breath. These were the exact kinds of things he was working on in therapy.

“Can I be totally honest with you?” he asked carefully.

“Really, that’s all I ever want from you,” she said, squeezing his hand.

“My initial like, gut reaction? It’s to say you should cut him off, both because I hate the idea that he might have another chance to hurt you, AND because I’m so fucking insecure that I’d rather not have to deal with anything that feels like competition, or whatever.”

“EJ, I promise you it’s not…”

“No, Gina, this isn’t a you thing, it’s absolutely a me thing. I need to do the work to trust that I can be enough.”

“You’re so much more than that,” she said softly, clinging even tighter to his hand.

“So whatever you decide to do about your friendship with Ricky… I’m here to support you in that, and then freak out about it with the good doctor,” he joked, but the truth was there.

“How does your therapist feel about having like, the model patient?” she teased.

“Listen, I’m a perfectionist control freak, if I’m going to be in therapy, I’m going to be the goddamn best at it… which probably defeats the purpose…”

Gina laughed. “Thank you, really.”

“We’ll get there,” he said with a nod. He still had a long way to go, but just feeling like he could be wholly himself with her, that his flaws could be as much a part of him as his good qualities and Gina would still be right there with him, was a level of trust he’d never taken into a relationship before.

Maybe this one really could be, WOULD be different.

They spent a couple hours out on the salt flats, taking tons of photos, and EJ geeked out excitedly about the speed records that had been set there.

“So the deal with the Mad Men finale was legit?” Gina asked.

EJ nodded. “The Blue Flame was a real car, and Gary Gabelich was the real driver. It’s a pretty cool story.”

“So rocket cars and superheroes are your thing?” she teased.

“Don’t worry, I’m sure Dr. Mazzarra will get into my arrested development at some point,” he laughed.

“Make no mistake, you are ALL man, babe,” Gina said with a raise of her eyebrow. He groaned, because once again, Gina Porter was trying to kill him.

But this time, he just might let her.

When they got back to the hotel, Gina was sorting through the photos they’d taken to post to Insta.

“Some of these came out really great,” she commented while EJ was carefully pressing his dress shirt for the next day.

“Have you decided which ones you want to post?”

“We, um… we should actually talk about that,” she said, turning her phone screen towards him, displaying a selfie of them kissing. “Are we like, taking this Insta official? And if so, do we need to tell Ash first?”

EJ’s eyes grew wide for a second, thinking about the absolute wrath he would face from Ashlyn if they just casually posted a photo kissing before she knew what was going on.

“Yeah, good call. Text it to her and see what she says?”

Gina nodded and quickly sent Ashlyn the pic, and her phone almost immediately lit up with a Facetime call.

“Here we go,” EJ said under his breath while he watched Gina swipe on the call. He settled down next to her on the bed, putting his arm around her shoulders so they would both be seen on screen.

“GINA MARIE PORTER AND ELIJAH JAMES CASWELL, YOU HAVE SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!” Ashlyn practically screeched.

They just broke down in hysterical laughter. “Hi Ash, thanks for asking how the flight was," EJ said dryly.

“Don’t give me that, Elijah. Did you two FINALLY sort your shit out and admit you’re obsessed with each other? Because Carlos said if you didn’t come back from this trip as a thing, he was going to sit you both down for an intervention.”

EJ shook his head while Gina blushed.

“Yeah, it’s… we’re…” Gina started, before EJ cut in and said “We’re together, as in yes, Gina is my girlfriend and you guys can cancel any plans for calling us out. We’re already there.”

“Thank GOD,” Ashlyn muttered.

“So… you approve?” Gina said tentatively.

“Gina, you’re my sister, EJ’s my cousin… and if that didn't sound so weird, you’d get what I’m trying to say. I love you both. And you love each other, so even better for me!”

Gina glanced at EJ nervously, but he just smiled. Was he going to say he loved her that night? No, there was no need to rush it. But he wasn’t about to deny or deflect something he was pretty sure was true.

“Ok, well, I’m sure you have better things to do than keep talking to me. But this pic is going to the group chat, so I suggest you mute it if you plan to be… otherwise occupied.” Now it was EJ’s turn to flush while Gina just giggled and shrugged.

“Thanks, Ash. We love you! We’ll talk to you soon,” Gina said, blowing her a kiss while EJ laughed and waved.

Gina set her phone down on the nightstand and snuggled back into EJ’s side. He traced his fingers lightly up and down her back, just taking in the scent and warmth of her. And for the first time in a long time, he felt like his mind wasn’t at least partially consumed with an anxious hum. He’d felt this way before, when he was swimming. Not racing, just an easy glide through the water, a balance of support and motion.

Firmly in the moment, but still moving forward. Just like them.

Chapter Text

Gina stood in front of the doors to the venue where the wedding was being held and blew out a deep breath. She had no idea what was going to be waiting behind the doors, if Ricky was actually going to show. He’d gone radio silent since she left him behind in the bar the other night, which she obviously didn’t blame him for.

Everything else, though, she had NO problems laying squarely on his shoulders.

EJ came up behind her, having dropped her at the curb before parking the car. She realized she had to have been standing there for several minutes if he was already there. His hand came to the small of her back, comforting and protective.

He’d been like that all day as they got ready for the late afternoon ceremony. They’d slept in and gotten brunch at a spot Gina’s mom had loved, before they walked around Temple Square hand in hand, enjoying the last of the summer sunshine Utah had to offer. The last couple days had been a lot to process emotionally, even though the end point was here with EJ, and she couldn’t be happier about that. Gina was grateful that EJ was just there for her, not pressing her to talk but a steady, sure hand in hers. He could be anxious a lot of the time, but clearly not about this.

He was showing up for her, in all the ways that she could imagine.

And he was doing it again as she hesitated in front of the doors. “It’s not too late to get back in the car and just drive,” he said. “We can even go get not-milkshakes if that’s what you want.”

Gina giggled. “Thanks, but I’m ok,” she said truthfully. “It’s less about me and more that if he doesn’t show, I’ll feel like I’ve been keeping a terrible secret this whole time, you know?”

EJ nodded. “How nice of him to put you in that position.” Gina would be lying if she said the protective bitterness in EJ’s tone didn’t tug at her heart strings just a little.

“Let’s go get this over with,” she said with a tone of finality, straightening the skirt on her hot pink dress before finally reaching for the door handle, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she headed in while he walked around the outside to the area where the ceremony would be held behind the building.

The ceremony was being held outside in a little more than a half hour, so she needed to go find the programs from the coordinator before she posted up at the back of the chairs to hand them out to people. The reception hall was already set, and it looked beautiful with local late summer wildflowers on the tables and string lights running across the beamed ceiling. Gina's stomach lurched a bit, hoping it wouldn't all be for nothing if Ricky wasn't going to show. There was a small suite of rooms off the back of the space for the bridal party where Gina was pretty sure Kourtney had said she’d leave the programs at the rehearsal.

When she opened one, she saw Ricky sitting there, all alone.

"Ricky? Where's Big Red?" She knew from the chatter at the rehearsal that he was spending the night before the wedding at Big Red's so he wouldn't see Nini the day of the wedding. The wedding party was small, just Big Red as the best man and Kourtney as the maid of honor, so there wasn't anyone else who'd be buzzing around, other than maybe Mike, Ricky's dad.

"He ran out to get more Pepto Bismol, not sure if it's for me or him given how nervous he is about his best man toast," Ricky said with a shrug and a smirk, that signature boyish charm he always had.

"I'm just looking for the programs," she said. "Is that them?" She indicated the box next to Ricky from the print shop.

"Oh, yeah, that's them," he nodded, handing her the box. He looked her up and down. "Nice dress, I don't think I've ever seen you wear anything like that before."

Gina had to swallow the anger that rose in her throat, not at Ricky, but at herself for ever shrinking herself for him. What had she been DOING all these years?

"So…" she said uneasily. "Why so early? Nini isn’t planning on getting here until like five minutes before, right?”

"Just… needed a minute to collect myself before it all happens."

"So it IS happening?"

Ricky sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "Yes, I think so. Why, did you…" he said, half an ounce of hope in his brown eyes.

But Gina shook her head, definitive and sure. "No, Ricky, I meant everything I said the other night."

"Because you don't want to be the thing that blows up the wedding at the last minute, or because you don't love me anymore?"

Gina sighed. "I will always love you, Ricky. That's something I've almost resigned myself to. You mean too much to who I am. But that's not the same as being IN love with you, and it's definitely not the same as wanting to be with you. And I have finally, fully let that go."

"Because I'm getting married?"

She paused for a second, before shaking her head again. "No, actually. I thought that was what it would take, but when I really think about it… I think I let it go a while ago. I let it go when EJ walked into my life, and we decided to open up to each other, when I saw it wasn’t just someone getting past my walls, but letting me inside theirs, too, in a really complete way. And the promise of what will be with him is so much more than the pull of the past with you."

"But you're not with him."

"I am now. We talked yesterday, and it all… fell into place. He’s… he’s my boyfriend, Ricky. And I'm so much happier than I ever thought I could be."

"Woah, ok. Moved that one out of the friendzone quick, huh? Well… good for you, I guess?"

"A real friend would just be happy for me,” she said pointedly.

"I AM, Gina. I just…Look, I guess you were right, the other night, part of me always knew how you felt." He gave another heavy sigh. "But I wasn't just stringing you along… I love Nini, there’s no question of that. But a part of me has always been half in love with you, too."

"And I deserve to be loved all the way. It's what you do for Nini, what you always have. That’s WHY you chose her, time and again. And I get that now, because it's what EJ does for me. What I hope I’ll be able to do for him, for a long time. We're with the right people, Ricky. Let me go and just let yourself love her, all in."

Ricky let out a deep sigh. "I guess you're right."

"I know I am," she said quietly. "You should finish getting ready, guests are starting to arrive and I have to get these to them," she said, holding up the programs.

"Yeah, thanks," he said, staring down at the rental tie in his guitar calloused hands. "Good thing they pre-tie these, right? Still hopeless at that."

Gina thought back to earlier, watching EJ get ready, knotting his navy tie with thin alternating white and pink stripes, a subtle way of coordinating with her pink dress, with steady, sure hands.

And those were the only hands she wanted in hers.

"See you when you're a married man," Gina said with a small but genuine smile.

She walked outside and saw EJ sitting at the edge of the last row, to stay next to her while she passed out the programs, her bag that he'd taken saving the seat beside him.

"Everything ok?" he asked quietly as she came up to him, handing him one of the programs before moving behind his chair.

"Yeah, it's going to be fine," she said with a smile, leaning down to kiss him quickly before turning brightly to some of Nini's relatives to hand them programs.

And it WAS going to be fine. SHE was going to be fine.

Because she had EJ by her side.

Gina greeted guest after guest with a smile, handing them one of the creamy white programs that matched the invitation she'd agonized over two months ago. Before she knew it, Kourtney was peeking out of the back door, letting her know they were ready to go. Gina placed down the rest of the programs on a small table set up by the door before waving to the guitar player, a friend of Ricky's from the band he played in after he transferred to University of Utah out of community college. He nodded and switched over to the entrance music.

Ricky and Big Red walked in from the side and took their places at the front. Gina had to guess that the Pepto had been for Big Red, because he still looked green while Ricky finally looked placid, at peace. As they turned to face the back, Ricky caught Gina's eye, as she was perfectly positioned at the end of the last row, EJ having shifted in one to let her sit. Gina looked at him steadily, and gave him a small nod.

He was making the right choice, and so was she.

When the music changed again, the crowd rose to watch Nini come down the aisle. Flanked by her moms on either side, and she was absolutely glowing. Whatever doubt that had been plaguing Ricky seemed to have no place in Nini. Gina sincerely hoped the certainty in Nini’s smile would reflect back to Ricky and steady his mind and his heart.

As mad as she was at the moment about how he’d handled himself this whole weekend, Gina did want him to be happy. She couldn't look at a man she'd been friends with for more than half a decade and not at least wish him that.

At the end of the aisle, Ricky was smiling. A genuine smile, Gina knew. His eyes had left Gina and were squarely on his bride.

Right where they needed to be.

As they sat, EJ placed his hand on her knee, and she quickly clasped it with hers. Instead of watching the ceremony, Gina could feel EJ's eyes on her, making sure she was ok. She glanced at him quickly and flashed him a brilliant, genuine smile, squeezing his hand. He returned both the gesture and the smile before turning more fully towards the front, content that she was going to be fine.

But for the whole twenty minute ceremony, his hand stayed firmly entwined with hers. And when they got to the vows, she couldn’t help but notice EJ pulsing his grip ever so slightly, in time with the words "I do."

Chapter Text

EJ had been to a lot of weddings over the years. Between college friends, a few high school teammates who'd settled down, and a whole mess of Caswell cousins from his extended family, he'd witnessed plenty of people promise each other forever. For the last few years, there had always been the nagging thought in the back of his mind if HE'D ever do this, all while he sipped a drink and watching the old folks do the same sad line dances.

Everything about this wedding felt different, and not just that this was probably the first time he knew no one other than his date.

Not that he minded that a bit when that date was Gina.

Normally, his anxiety would have more than gotten the better of him, and he'd spend the whole night overthinking all the things he said, trying to find the line between coming off as cocky as a defense mechanism, and not engaging enough and coming off as awkward.

But EJ had planned for this a bit with Dr. Mazzarra, and had his helpful, if incredibly blunt advice running through his head: No one was thinking about him nearly as much as he feared they were.

And he had his arms firmly wrapped around the only person whose opinion he cared about. And she seemed to like him well enough.

He did notice a few whispers from a couple of Gina's high school friends who had been at the rehearsal and noticed a shift between Friday and Sunday nights. Eventually, Kourtney, the maid of honor, landed in a chair next to Gina while she and EJ were laughing about something silly.

"Ok, girl, what's the tea? Because your 'friend' over there hasn't let go of you all night. And when a fine looking man can't keep hands to himself, this girl wants to know what's good," she said.

Gina threw her head back laughing before glancing at EJ. He just gave a shrug and gestured for her to go ahead, amused at how she'd explain the last two days.

"Well, if you want the truth, I've been crushing HARD on this man for pretty much the whole summer," Gina said, and EJ's eyebrows immediately shot up.

"What?"

"Oh come on," Gina said with a laugh. "You can't look like THAT and compliment my cooking and NOT think a girl is going to fall for you."

"Hey, if I remember correctly, I was also very complimentary of your hair and how you looked in that green dress, thank you very much," he smirked.

"Oh, ok, girl, I get it," Kourtney said with a nod.

"But I'm apparently also an oblivious idiot,” EJ continued. “Because I didn't so much notice the crushing… I was too busy being a total simp over here," he smiled with a shake of his head. "But I mean, can you blame me? Evidently our friends in New York were about to stage an intervention to get us to stop being blind.”

"And so what, despite living in glamorous, romantic New York City, it took coming to Salt Lake City to get together?"

EJ just shrugged again. "Maybe there's something in that fry sauce."

And Gina did it again, busted out laughing so hard she snorted.

"Oh Lordy, the snort has entered the chat," Kourtney said with a laugh of her own. "I thought only Ricky got that out of you."

EJ glanced at Gina a bit nervously. He didn't know how much anyone else knew about the whole Ricky and Gina… situation. Any of it. The years of unrequited everything, or what the last two days had looked like.

But Gina just smiled at him. “There’s a lot of things EJ can do that Ricky could NEVER.”

“Ooh, girl, I don’t wanna know what goes down with you two behind closed doors… I mean, I kinda do, but this is a family show.”

EJ’s heart rate started to pick up. Despite Ashlyn’s insinuations on their Facetime call, they’d done nothing beyond kissing and cuddling the night before. Not that he didn’t WANT more, obviously, but he also didn’t want to rush into anything, especially with how loaded the whole Ricky thing still felt, without knowing if he for sure was going to show that day and leave Gina feeling awful about it. He’d wait as long as she needed to.

But when she ran her hand along his thigh with a mischievous gleam in her eye, maybe he wouldn’t have to wait as long as he thought.

They were still laughing and talking with Kourtney when Ricky and Nini appeared at the table.

“The happy couple!” Kourtney declared. And from the look of it, they were. EJ didn’t know either of them, obviously, but given all those weddings, they looked as reasonably in love as any other couple he’d seen just hours after they exchanged vows.

“Wanted to see if the pair that traveled the furthest would honor us with a dance,” Nini said, extending her hand out to EJ. “Gina, can I borrow your friend for one song?”

“Boyfriend,” Gina replied, with a slight edge of ice in her tone that EJ was probably the only one to notice. “EJ’s actually my boyfriend now.”

“Oh, wow, that’s great!” Nini said brightly, sincerely. “You two do make an adorable couple. Romance must just be in the air,” she said, leaning into peck Ricky’s cheek while he grinned broadly.

EJ knew that look that Ricky was giving her, it was the one he gave Gina.

“In that case,” Nini continued. “May I borrow your BOYFRIEND for one song?”

Gina glanced at EJ, and he did everything he could to telepathically communicate ‘it’s totally up to you.’

“Sure, just one dance, though. Then I want to keep him all to myself.”

“You got it,” she nodded, and smiled at EJ as he took her hand.

“That leaves you and me, Gi,” Ricky said brightly, any trace of the awkwardness of their last two conversations apparently erased by his vows.

“Uh, sure,” said Gina, a bit uneasily, but likely only enough that EJ noticed.

"Come Fly with Me", the old Frank Sinatra tune came on, and EJ was grateful it was something a little upbeat that he could stumble through with Nini. He was only a passable dancer when he was following Gina's lead.

They clasped one hand and EJ placed his other on Nini’s waist while hers landed on his shoulder, and they settled into a little bit of a bopping sway.

“Thanks for coming all this way, I was worried Gina wasn’t going to come if she had to travel alone. And it meant a lot to Ricky for her to be here.”

EJ nodded. “I’d do anything for her, so this was no problem.”

“She looks really happy,” Nini commented. “It’s been… a long time since she’s been happy here.”

EJ wasn’t sure quite what to say. Nini looked at him and chuckled. “I’m not stupid, EJ, I’ve seen just the same as anyone what’s happened with Ricky and Gina over the years. But at the same time, I just… I love him, I always have. So I accepted it, and let it work itself out. And I know that was painful for her sometimes, seeing him and I go back and forth so many times. So I get why she kept her distance. But I care about her, too, and I want to see her happy."

"Really all I want to do is make her happy," EJ said sincerely.

"I've known Gina just as long as Ricky, and I can tell, you do. Just… take good care of her, ok? She deserves better than this whole drama has given her."

It made EJ's heart hurt, that Gina was in this place for so long, and that it was so obvious even to Nini.

It DID make him all the more determined to love her right, though. Starting tonight.

The song ended, and he left Nini with a smile. She gave him a little curtsy with a laugh and made her way back over to Ricky, who gave Gina a smile as they parted, as well.

"You ok?" EJ asked as he swept Gina into his arms.

"I am now," she said, echoing the other night. But with no tears, no pain etched on her beautiful features. Just hope.

So this time, EJ didn't hesitate to kiss her, placing a gentle hand on the back of her neck to tip her mouth into his, deep and sure.

"What was that for?" she teased when they broke away.

He should have been too anxious to follow through, everything about who he was should have been screaming that this was a bad idea, it was too soon, that he was taking a crazy, likely unnecessary risk.

But he'd done the work for this, to not let his anxiety stop him from doing the things that were important to him. And there was nothing more important to him in this moment than telling Gina just what she meant to him.

"Because I love you," he said simply.

Her eyes went wide, and then got a little teary. But they stayed locked on his, serious, searching.

He knew she wouldn't find anything there but the truth.

"EJ, I…"

He cut her off. "You don't, I just…"

But she jumped right back in. "I do. Because I love you too."

EJ was speechless. He honestly didn’t expect her to be in the same place that he was, not when he’d been wrestling with what he was feeling about her practically since the moment they met while she still needed to navigate everything about Ricky for the final time. But somehow, here they were.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and a soft smile spread across her face.

“Dance with me,” she said.

“Anytime you want me to,” he replied with a smile.

They spent the rest of the evening almost in a haze, paying little attention to the actual event around them and instead just wrapped up in each other. EJ was suddenly glad not to know another soul at the wedding, because there was no one else he wanted to see.

And when the night had finished up, after Ricky and Nini had made their grand exit to the waiting car that Kourtney had decorated and that Mike, Ricky’s dad was driving, they made their way to their car hand in hand. The night had shifted under their feet, and while EJ had no expectations about what would happen when they returned to the hotel room, he certainly wanted to find out where this would take them.

After EJ let them into their room, Gina didn't even bother to turn on the lights before she pressed her body against him, her hands in his hair and her mouth on his. The moment didn’t lose a bit of romance, but added more than a little heat. And as she undid his tie and several buttons on his shirt, and as he carefully slid down the zipper of that amazing pink dress he’d admired her in all evening, every move felt perfectly choreographed, like it was meant to be.

She fell asleep in his arms, his fingers tracing lightly over her bare back as she was pressed tight to him, her head on his chest, directly over his heart. It made him acutely aware of the rhythm, to know it was in her ear.

Even, regular, strong.

Not racing away with anxiety, wondering what this all meant.

He knew exactly what it meant.

And now that he had it, he never wanted to let it go.

Chapter Text

It always took Gina by surprise, how fast fall settled into the city around her. The change of seasons had shocked her a bit her first year in Salt Lake, she was so used to living around the south where it never got to be the kind of cold they found in the mountains. But it always seemed gradual there, like the seasons melted into one another. Here in New York, the air seemed to change overnight from sticky and humid to clear and cool.

It was one of those clear, brilliant autumn Saturdays in mid-September when another wedding invitation arrived at EJ’s apartment. Val and Channing’s, set for the end of October in DC.

She’d been curled up on EJ’s couch, scrolling the pics of Nini and Ricky’s honeymoon on Instagram. They’d gone down to Moab and been to the national parks, and there were pics from the cute little bed and breakfast that they’d stayed in. With a couple weeks of distance, Gina felt her lingering anger at Ricky starting to fade into a more gentle disappointment that things had gone the way they did. Not that he was with Nini, that was clearly where he was meant to be if the pictures were any indication. Just a sense that none of it had to be that way, the long quiet hurt with the drama of the wedding weekend, if they’d just figured out how to actually talk to each other.

A mistake she was determined not to repeat with EJ. She was sure they’d screw it up sometimes, but they’d both put in the work to build something real here.

She was lost in thought about all that when EJ approached her with the tell-tale envelope.

“Don’t look now, but we’ve got another one of these coming up, if you’re game,” he said, handing it to her. She recognized Val and Channing’s names on the return address.

“Oh, I didn’t realize their wedding was so soon,” she commented, lifting the flap to pull out the stack of embossed cards inside. “Is this one local, too?”

EJ shook his head. “DC. They’re actually getting married AT Georgetown, by our team chaplain.”

“That’s sorta sweet,” she commented.

“So what do you think? You coming with me to DC for the weekend?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she smiled, and he leaned in to kiss her.

“What did we decide on for dinner?” he asked as he pulled back. “Did you want to order in?”

“Not a chance, Caswell. We’re celebrating you officially making it through your first week at Kirkland, I am cooking you whatever you want tonight, I’ll run to the market once you decide.”

“How are you real?” he asked with a smile, before he said “You know what I’m going to say, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, anything I make is your favorite. Which isn’t helpful in the least,” she said with an affectionate roll of her eyes.

“Actually… do you think…” he trailed off.

“What?”

“Do you remember the very first night you made me dinner? When Ash like, forcibly made me come over to detach from my computer?”

“Yeah…”

“Can you make that Greek lemon chicken thing again?” He smiled shyly. “I think that will always be my favorite meal now.”

Gina blushed slightly, sort of unable to believe that he’d committed to memory the random meal she’d made months ago.

“We can absolutely do that,” she said, getting to her feet. “Just let me run to the Whole Foods on Madison, I’m sure…”

EJ was already at the door, slipping his shoes on his feet. “Let’s go.”

“You don’t have to come shopping with me,” she said as she made her way over to the door herself.

He slipped his hand into hers. “But I WANT to, so let’s go.”

Later that night, they’d climbed into bed, and EJ was tapping away on his laptop. He was just a week into his new job, but he was already determined to stay ahead of the curve. Gina was mindlessly scrolling through her phone, when she noticed that wedding related ads had started popping up on her feed. Guess Instagram really was always listening.

So she did the worst thing someone can do with a targeted ad… she clicked on one of the ads. Specifically, an engagement ring ad.

She scrolled through the jeweler’s website, looking at the over the top glitzy ring with halos and tons of bling. Nothing was standing out to her as something she might, maybe, someday be interested in wearing. Her taste ran a lot simpler than anything that was on that page.

She dropped her phone on the bed and got up to finish getting ready for bed. When she was in the bathroom, her text tone went off, and she was pretty sure it would be Ashlyn confirming she was crashing at EJ’s.

“Babe, can you check my phone for me and let Ash know I’m here if it’s her?”

There was a brief pause while he found her phone and entered her lock code. She’d recently changed it to 070922… the first time EJ had come to their place for dinner.

“Yeah, she’s confirming you’re staying here tonight.”

“Tell her yes, and we’ll meet them at brunch.”

“Got it,” he replied.

When Gina came back in, he was still staring down at her phone, his brow furrowed.

“Everything ok, babe?” she asked as she finished working her hand cream in.

“Oh, um, sorry, I accidentally hit your browser window when I was closing out your texts. Did you, um… were you looking at engagement rings?”

Gina’s face flushed a bright scarlet. “Oh my God, EJ, no, I wasn’t… I mean, yes I was, but not because… ugh, stupid tech companies always listening!”

EJ chuckled. “And I’M supposed to be the anxious one around here.”

Gina took a breath to regain her composure and tried starting again. “We were talking about Val and Channing’s wedding a little while ago, and you know how these targeted ads work… you pretty much just THINK wedding, and all of a sudden they’re showing you engagement rings and reception venues right and left. I just clicked on one of the ads, that’s all.”

Gina thought EJ might get nervous in a situation like this, but his face was full of amusement at how flustered she was.

“Gina, it’s fine. I’m not… it doesn’t bother me that you’d be looking at something like that.”

“It just feels so CLICHE, you know? Like, the minute I get a boyfriend that things feel like they could get serious, I’m daydreaming about rings and white dresses.”

“I mean… ARE you?” EJ asked, his face growing a little bit more serious.

“I… I don’t know. I mean, in the abstract, have I always wanted those things? Like, to get married and all that? Of course. And this ongoing string of weddings doesn’t exactly make me think about it LESS. But I know we’re not anywhere near that, we JUST started going out for real a few weeks ago, I recognize that it’s literally insane to think about…”

“I do,” he broke in quietly, a smile on his face. “I… think about it all the time, actually. How much I hope we get there. Not right now, obviously. I promise, this isn’t the Georgetown cheerleader all over again,” he laughed, and Gina joined in. “But this is more than just a honeymoon phase for me, Gi. This is for real. I’m sure of it.”

Gina felt like her heart was going to explode. She had just sort of assumed commitment might be something that made EJ anxious. After all, he’d told her his inability to hold down a relationship was a part of the reason he was in therapy in the first place. So to hear him sound so certain really touched her, both the work that it represented that he had done and the strength of their relationship, even here at the beginning.

“I’m sure of that, too,” she said with a smile, before getting back into bed and cuddling up with him.

He set his laptop aside and picked her phone back up. “I’ve gotta say, though, I’m a little surprised at the ones you’re looking at… your taste in jewelry has always been so simple, and these are definitely more bling than I would have anticipated from you.”

She was taken aback. “No, I… had the same thought. That I didn’t think anything here was quite… me.”

“I guess in my mind, the perfect ring was a solitaire diamond, maybe an oval or something? Something simple, classic. Like that pearl necklace you have, with just the one on the chain? Actually, both of those, you have a white one and a black one. And that one that’s just the circle, it’s silver, I think…”

And Gina cut him off right there, pressing a kiss to his surprised lips.

“Sorry, was I rambling?” he asked. “You know I do that sometimes, one of those weird nervous habits.”

“Not at all. I just… I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“And I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her. “And so does that mean I’m right about the ring? Purely for confirmation of how well I know you, not actual research I’m filing away for later,” he said with a smirk.

“Where’s the anxious guy I started dating?”

“Oh, he’s still right here, freaking out about work and that he’s got at least six more weeks before he gets his bar scores. The closer we get to the end of October, the worse it’s going to get, by the way. Fair warning. But he’s not freaking out about us. You and me? That’s the one thing I’m not worried about.”

Gina leaned in to kiss him again, pulling his phone from her hand and tossing to the side as she shifted her weight, moving to straddle his lap. EJ didn’t seem to need a further invitation and pulled her down onto him, running his hands over her back and kissing her thoroughly.

Chapter Text

EJ drummed his fingers nervously against the arm of the chair he was sitting in, biting down on his lower lip.

“Should we go through this again?” Dr. Mazzarra asked, though his usual monotone patience seemed to be wearing thin.

“It’s no use, Doc. We’ve been on this thought for WEEKS and nothing is bringing it down. It’s only gotten worse as we’ve gotten closer to last year’s release date.”

“Mr. Caswell, please don’t think I’m trying to downplay these bar results, I know they have a significant impact on your professional future. But I’m truly worried about the outsize level of importance you’ve assigned to these results.”

“We’ve been over this, Doc. If I don’t pass the bar, I lose my job. It’s that simple.”

“And would that be the end of the world?”

“Sure feels like it.”

“But would it be?”

“I mean, I won’t be able to afford my apartment, I’ll have to move back to Chicago and in with my parents until I can retest in February, meaning I’ll be a thousand miles away from the woman I love, which likely won’t matter because it’s not like she’s going to want to be with some unemployed loser who had to go running back home to Mommy and Daddy, especially when Daddy always knew he was destined to fail.” It all came tumbling out of EJ in one long stream of consciousness rant. He’d gotten SO much better at managing the day to day experience of his anxiety, but waiting on these bar results may actually be the thing that pushed him over the edge for real.

“Ok, there’s… a lot to unpack there,” Dr. Mazzarra said with wide eyes. “I would normally ask which thought is the most distressing, but I think you cut right to the heart of it… are you actually afraid Gina will leave you if you haven't passed the bar?"

"Well, when you say it like that, it sounds ridiculous."

"Then why can't you convince yourself it's ridiculous?"

"Isn't that what I'm paying you for?" EJ practically snapped. He hadn't been this tense in months.

"Mr. Caswell, let's back up a moment, shall we? Why do you believe Gina is with you in the first place?"

"Damned if I know," he mumbled. "Not sure why anyone would want to be with this mess. Especially someone as wonderful as her.”

“What would she say if she were here?”

“I… I have no idea,” EJ said, shaking his head.

“I think you do,” Dr. Mazzarra pressed.

“I… I don’t know. I mean, she tells me all the time that she appreciates how I’m there for her. That I… show up, you know? But I’m not showing up right now, I’m too overwhelmed. And if I do end up having to go back to Chicago, I can’t show up at all.”

“Well, there’s more to showing up than geography, but how are you not showing up?”

EJ sighed. “I can feel myself pulling back, pouring more into work to try and, I don’t know, feel some sense of control. I’m not really acting like the guy she fell for right now, and I’m struggling with knowing I’m disappointing people I care about but can’t get the train back on the tracks.”

“Has she said as much to you?”

“Not in so many words, but I just get a sense of it, you know?”

“You know what I’m going to tell you, don’t you?”

EJ rolled his eyes. “That I’m catastrophizing?”

“Your words, Mr. Caswell.”

“I guess it feels like if I jump to the worst case scenario, I can’t be hurt by it when it comes true.”

“But don’t you run the risk of making it a self-fulfilling prophecy?”

“You think if I believe I’m a disappointment, I’m going to act like a disappointment to make it implode.”

“I think you certainly run the risk of making decisions that don’t serve you when you come from that place, yes.”

“So what do I do?”

“This might seem revolutionary, but I would suggest… talking to her?”

“Look who’s got jokes,” EJ said with a roll of his eyes.

“So few appreciate my comedic genius,” Dr. Mazzarra replied dryly.

“What is there even to say? Hey, will you still love me if I’m an absolute failure?”

“Try again, Mr. Caswell.”

“I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you if things don’t go according to plan.”

“Much better.”

The session continued for a bit longer before EJ pushed himself to his feet, his anxiety still feeling like a weight on his chest, but one that was a bit lighter than when he’d walked in.

He’d take it.

He went back to his office and finished out his day, all while the office was buzzing with a pretty credible rumor that bar results would be released that evening. It was two days after results had been released last fall, so the timing made sense. Knowing they’d be useless, the managing partner personally came to see all the first years and sent them home to await their fates arriving in their inboxes. EJ texted Gina that he was on his way home, and she immediately replied that she’d meet him at his place as soon as she got off work.

EJ hit the gym to try and work out some of his nervous energy, which only kind of worked. He was in the shower when Gina arrived, letting herself in with the key she’d had since they got back from Salt Lake City. He padded out to the kitchen in gym shorts and his favorite Duke Law t-shirt, and Gina was already busy at the stove.

He came over and pecked a kiss to her cheek. “What’s all this?”

“Steaks,” she said as she carefully turned them over on the cast iron grill pan before setting them in the oven. EJ’s kitchen equipment had gotten a series of upgrades over the last couple months, and it was now a passable enough place for Gina to cook.

“Decided to make a last meal for a dead man walking?” he half-quipped.

She just smiled. “Just let me take care of you, ok?”

He tried to smile back, but couldn’t make it. “You don’t even know if I deserve this… or you,” he said, half to himself.

“Elijah, stop,” Gina said firmly. Whenever she busted out his real name, he knew shit was about to go down. “How I feel about you has NOTHING to do with what’s going to show up on your portal tonight. I love YOU, that’s it.”

“And what happens if I have to go back to Chicago after this with my tail between my legs?”

“I’ll buy a better coat and learn how to navigate O’Hare,” she said without skipping a beat. “At least until we figure out our next move.”

“OUR next move?”

“Yeah, OUR next move. I’m in it with you, EJ, all the way. And who knows, maybe we’re meant to land in Chicago eventually anyway? It will all work out as it should. Now please let me finish cooking so that we have a chance to eat before scores come out?”

“It was midnight last year.”

“And the closer that gets, the less likely you’ll actually be able to stomach anything, so let’s try and enjoy this before we get to THAT portion of the evening,” she said with a smile.

EJ stepped back, hoping that the shock he was feeling wasn’t registering on his face. Outside of Ashlyn, he’d never had anyone in his corner like this. He almost couldn’t believe it was true.

Then again, she’d never given him reason to doubt her.

Maybe things wouldn’t be ok, maybe their relationship would buckle under the weight of it all. Maybe everything would go wrong, and he’d be left heartbroken.

But maybe…

He heard Dr. Mazzarra’s voice in his head, challenging him to think about it differently, take a different perspective.

Maybe everything would go right.

EJ six months ago wouldn’t have been able to entertain the thought.

EJ right now? He just might let himself hope that was true.

The meal Gina made was delicious, he was sure, but it all sort of felt like sawdust in his nervous mouth. They attempted to watch TV, but EJ could barely pay attention. Finally, around 1030, Gina pulled him up by the hand. “Come on, we’re going to bed.”

“You can’t possibly think I’m going to be able to sleep right now.”

“Sleeping isn’t what I had in mind,” she said, lacing their hands together and walking backwards down the hall.

“I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do THAT, either,” EJ said nervously.

Gina laughed. “Oh my God, EJ, that’s not what I was suggesting. I was just going to give you a massage.”

EJ’s eyebrow shot up. “And you know that never ends without…”

“If that’s what happens, oh well…” she singsonged.

Whether she planned it that way or not, one thing did in fact lead to another in the bedroom, and it was closing in on 1130 when EJ rolled over to check his phone once again. Gina wrapped her arms around him, pressing into his bare back as he opened his email.

“It’s in,” he said, almost breathless. He nearly dropped his phone in the scramble to click the link in the email and login to the candidate portal to see his scores.

He could feel Gina holding her breath against him as he waited for the screen to load.

And there it was, in black and white.

“I passed,” he whispered.

“What?” Gina asked.

He pushed the phone into her hands. “I PASSED! I’m actually a real licensed attorney in the state of New York!”

“EJ!” she cried, squeezing him tight to her. “I knew it! CONGRATULATIONS!” She barely finished speaking before her mouth descended on his, kissing him with everything she had. He responded in kind, pulling her tight to him and kissing her breathless.

When they pulled back because they had to, Gina looked into his eyes for a long moment before she leaned over to what had become her side of his bed, and pulled a small envelope from the drawer, handing it to him.

“I got this just for when scores came out, I’ve had it stashed here for weeks. Thank God they came before tomorrow so I didn’t have to try and sneak it out of here in case scores came while we were in DC.”

He opened the envelope, and pulled out a simple card with a cartoon bulldog on the front. EJ looked at Gina in surprise.

“Closest thing I could find to the Georgetown mascot,” she shrugged. “I got the same one for Val and Channing this weekend.”

When he opened it up, several items actually spilled out. There was the photo booth strip from his teammate’s wedding, a Polaroid that Kourtney had snapped at Ricky’s wedding, and a printout of the pic of them kissing on the salt flats that had officially announced their relationship on Instagram.

Written inside the card was simply “I love you. - G"

“No ‘Congrats’ message? Hedging your bets in case I actually failed?” He tried to keep his tone light, but there was a real streak of anxiety still running through his words.

Gina picked up the photos and spread them over his lap. “No, you idiot… even if you ARE an idiot who just passed the bar,” she said with a good natured smile and shake of her head. “I wrote this because no matter WHAT happened, THIS is what matters. And I wanted to remind you of that.”

EJ finally gave a genuine smile. “You’re absolutely right,” he said, kissing her again. He could let himself believe that now.

“I would ask if you wanted to celebrate, but we have a flight to DC to catch first thing in the morning…”

“Continue to add to our wedding photo collection,” he smiled, looking at the array of shots Gina had assembled, before carefully placing them inside the card and setting it down on his nightstand.

“Best wedding date I’ve ever had,” she confirmed, before leaning in to kiss him.

“Only one I want,” he echoed as she settled her head down onto his chest.

Chapter Text

Gina was humming as she got out of the shower. Despite the fact that she would have stayed in bed for another few hours if she could, nothing could have brought her down from the high from last night.

She wrapped herself in a towel and put on her moisturizer before picking up the plain platinum band from the bathroom counter. She’d put her diamond in her small travel jewelry roll with the rest of the pieces she’d worn yesterday, she never slept with it on. But she’d specifically chosen this smooth, comfortable ring she’d be able to leave on most of the time, and she'd slept with it around the 4th finger on her left hand.

Before she slipped it back on her finger, she smiled glancing at the inscription, knowing there was a matching one in EJ’s.

Forever Wedding Date

“Eej, what time is it?” she called out into their suite as she slipped the band back on her finger.

“930, we don’t have to be down for brunch until 10,” he replied, before he appeared in the bathroom doorway half dressed. “Does that mean we have enough time to…”

Gina cut him off. “Not a chance, hot shot. Didn’t you get enough last night?”

He wrapped his arms around her waist and placed a kiss on her shoulder. “When it comes to you? No such thing.”

“Mmm, good thing you married me then,” she said with a smile.

“Best thing,” he agreed before leaning in to kiss her.

She may have just shot him down, but she felt that resolve slipping away as she sighed with contentment into his lips. He tightened his arms around her, but she pressed back on his shoulders.

“Later,” she promised in a whisper against his lips, before pecking them and backing away. “Right now I need to get ready.”

EJ grumbled good naturedly and tipped her a wink as he went to finish getting dressed himself. Gina thought he looked amazing in a gray suit and crisp white shirt, a couple buttons casually undone at the neck. She was sure Cash would be annoyed he wasn’t wearing a tie, and it made her like it even more.

Not that she disliked her new father-in-law, really, just that she always appreciated when EJ was his own man around him, not so easily swayed by Cash’s opinions and judgments. He’d come such a long way in not getting preoccupied with how his dad saw him.

Because he’d decided how SHE looked at him was so much more important.

It had been two years since their fateful wedding date pact, and there had been plenty of other weddings since as their friends permanently coupled up. But the best one of all had come the night before, when she and EJ exchanged vows at the Renaissance Hotel in Chicago, with a couple hundred people looking on. The whole wedding planning process had been a stressful one, with EJ and Gina also planning their move to Chicago at the same time. Just this past week, they’d passed papers on their new home on Thursday, had the rehearsal and dinner on Friday, and the wedding yesterday. There were times when Gina thought EJ was going to lose it from the stress of it all.

But with the touch of her hand, coaching to breathe, and a gentle reminder that he would always, always be enough for her, even if the wedding wasn’t perfect, or they didn’t get that place in Wicker Park, or the jump from Big Law to being in house counsel didn’t work out, she could always make him feel just a little bit calmer, a little bit safer, a little more loved. All the same things he did for her.

And that’s the thing that kept pulling them through.

Gina pulled her engagement ring with its stunning solitaire diamond out of her jewelry roll, along with the necklace she planned to wear with her casually chic white linen jumpsuit Carlos had picked out for her for the brunch. He’d styled the entire wedding weekend for her, including helping her select her bridal gown.

“Babe, can you help me with this?” she asked, draping the necklace around and holding the ends together for EJ to clasp.

He carefully hooked it together before placing a kiss on her neck, sending a slight shiver down her spine. He always had all the right moves to get her going.

“Sure I’m the one who can’t get enough?” he teased as she closed her eyes and tipped her head to the side so he could do it again. He traced three more kisses down her neck, each one growing lighter before he just ghosted his lips against the nape. She nearly groaned when he stepped back, grabbing her hand and pulling her away from the mirror. “Come on, we’ve got to go.”

And if Gina pressed her husband back against the wall of the elevator, making out with him like a high school kid for the ride down to the lobby level, well… she’d never tell.

She carefully wiped the smudge of lipstick she’d left on his bottom lip as the doors opened in the lobby, and they headed to the smaller of the two ballrooms, the one with wide open views of the river. A number of guests had already trickled down for the brunch, sipping mimosas and enjoying the sunshine streaming in.

Well, most were enjoying the sunshine. Channing looked a little bit like he wanted to crawl under the table and hide from the light. Gina was sure he was in the throes of a wicked hangover, all but confirmed by the smug smile on his wife’s face sitting next to him, sipping orange juice while her hand rested on her pregnant belly.

“How bad was it, Val?” Gina laughed, approaching their table to greet them.

“I warned him repeatedly not to drink that much, that he’s not as young as he used to be. The man is closing in on 30, he’s gonna learn sometime, right?”

The look on EJ’s face was enough to make Gina burst out laughing. He was definitely not convinced of Channing’s ability to grow up, even with fatherhood rapidly approaching.

“It was one hell of a party, Caz,” Channing said with a shake of his head. “You and Mrs. Caz really outdid it with this one.” Gina felt her cheeks flush at being called ‘Mrs. Caz’... she absolutely loved it.

“You’re just saying that because we served all top shelf booze,” EJ said with a laugh.

“And can you imagine how much worse I’d feel right now if it had been the cheap shit?”

“That’s actually a fair point,” Val conceded with a shrug and a smile.

“Val, I'm not sure if I’m supposed to say ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘you’re welcome’," EJ cracked.

“He’s still cute enough to get away with it,” Val winked, before leaning over to place a kiss on Channing’s bearded cheek.

A server came by with a tray of mimosas, so they each grabbed one before starting to make the rounds, greeting the guests who’d come out for the 'morning after' event. Nearly all of Cash’s business contacts and extended family that had come to the wedding the night before had just headed home at the end of the night, being locals, so this was a much more intimate gathering of their closest, including their out of town guests. They ate with Gina’s brother and mom, who were heading back to California that night, before they settled at a table with Ashlyn, Carlos and Seb.

“Well, as amazing as this whole weekend has been, I’m still a salty bitch because it means you’re one step closer to leaving us!” Carlos pouted over his sixth mimosa.

“Our townhouse is a three bedroom, you’re welcome ANY time,” Gina assured them.

“You come out here enough, you’ll fall in love with it and end up moving here, too. Worked on this one,” EJ said, indicating Gina to his left.

“I THINK the draw was a little less the Windy City itself and a little more this is where her sexy husband wants to be,” Seb said with a laugh.

“Can’t it be both?” Gina joked, leaning in to kiss him.

“You’re too adorable and need to be stopped,” Ash declared. The smile on her face faded a bit looking over Gina’s shoulder, and Gina turned around to see who was behind her.

Ricky and Nini had approached the table.

“Hey, Gi, we need to get to the airport soon, just wanted to make sure we came to say goodbye before we took off.”

She stood up, and EJ’s hand reflexively landed on the small of her back.

“Thanks for coming, I’ll walk you out.” She glanced down at EJ and gave him a slight nod, that she was ok doing this one solo.

Since his wedding, Gina and Ricky had settled into a fairly comfortable long distance friendship, mostly aided by the fact that they could keep their distance when needed. Gina wasn’t sure she’d ever totally forgive him for the way he acted right before he got married, but as someone who had no history with anyone before age sixteen, she couldn’t bear to cut him out completely. She’d invited them to the wedding almost as a show of goodwill, that their friendship still meant something to her, even if it would never be the same as it was. EJ fully supported her in it, and that alone made a huge difference.

Nini spoke first. “The wedding was really gorgeous, thanks for inviting us!”

“Of course,” she replied with a smile. “Had to bring a little SLC to all the… Chicago of it. Did you guys have a good time on the architecture tour EJ recommended?"

Nini nodded. “It really is a beautiful city, I can see why you would want to move here.”

“I had a better time at Buddy Guy’s, but yeah, getting a taste of what your life will be like here was cool,” Ricky said with half a smile.

“We’re a little sad to be leaving New York behind, but excited to get settled in here, too.”

They had reached the hallway outside the ballroom, and Gina leaned in to hug Nini. “Have a safe flight, text me when you’ve landed so we know you’re back ok?”

Nini smiled and nodded, turning to give Ricky a look before she quietly slipped over to the elevators. Clearly they’d already discussed giving Ricky a moment alone with her before they departed.

“Listen, Gi… thank you for inviting us. I know things haven’t been… the same the last few years. But it still means a lot to me that you wanted me here, even if it was just about who we were, not who we are.”

“You’re always going to be important to me, Ricky. I’m glad you were here, too… even if it’s just to be sure of how happy I really am.”

“Yeah, you can tell,” he said with a smirk. “EJ’s a lucky guy, I hope he remembers that.”

“Not nearly as lucky as I am,” she said. “And I guess we have you to thank… if it weren’t for your wedding, we may never have made the pact that led to all of this.”

“Yeah, not sure I’m ready to want the credit for that one just yet, but I guess you’re welcome anyway.”

He opened his arms, and they hugged. It felt warm, friendly. Laced with absolutely nothing else. None of the longing or pain that had haunted her for so long, or the edge of disappointment in him that she’d held onto even after she’d happily moved on with EJ. Just an acknowledgement of a shared past, and nothing more.

It was the most free she’d felt in years.

“Bye, Ricky,” she said.

“Bye, Gi,” he replied, before he turned and walked away.

And Gina went back into brunch with a smile on her face.

“All good?” EJ asked as she returned to the table.

“Literally never better,” she said sincerely as she sat back down to a fresh mimosa EJ had clearly gotten for her while she was out in the hall.

“So talk to us about the honeymoon, tropical sexy time when?” Carlos asked, while Seb smacked his husband on the shoulder.

But Gina just laughed. “We fly back to New York tomorrow morning, and then leave for St. Lucia on Wednesday.”

“Ten days on a beach, nothing but a drink in my hand and my beautiful wife next to me,” EJ said with a smile.

Carlos snorted. “Next to you, sure. Or under you, or on top…”

EJ flushed, but Gina just snorted with laughter. Carlos had a filthy mouth when he’d been drinking.

“What happens in the honeymoon suite stays in the honeymoon suite,” Gina said with a smirk, running her hand over EJ’s leg under the table. He gave her a sideways glance and a smirk of his own.

“Ugh, we all know THAT look,” Ashlyn said, draining her mimosa while Seb and Carlos nodded and laughed knowingly.

They eventually made the rounds again, bidding everyone goodbye before they headed back up to their suite for exactly the reason their friends had implied.

After a nap in the afterglow, they started getting ready for one last dinner in Chicago for now. After a weekend of elegant meals, they were both excited to head to Lou Maltani’s for some deep dish.

“I feel like a bit of a jerk saying this, because obviously every meal we’ve eaten this weekend has been over the top expensive, but I miss your cooking,” EJ said as he pulled on his jeans.

“Well, it spoils the surprise, but I may already have a grocery order coming tomorrow night to make MY HUSBAND his favorite Greek lemon chicken,” Gina said with a smile.

“How are you this perfect? I’d really like to know,” he quipped, ducking down to kiss her while she sat on the bed putting on her shoes.

“What else do we need to get done while we're in New York for a couple days?”

“I have a session with Dr. Mazzarra Monday afternoon right after we get back to go through the referral options he’s got for me,” EJ said, and Gina nodded. EJ had seen Dr. Mazzarra on and off for the last few years, going in for a ‘tune up’ when things got stressful. Obviously with the move and the wedding, it had been off the charts, so he’d been going regularly for the last six months, and figured he should continue through the transition to a new job and city.

“Can he pull together a list of couple’s counselors for us, too, in case we wanna find one out here?” They’d seen a colleague of Dr. Mazzarra’s a few times over the years as well, not wanting to wait until things got bad to sort out their issues. EJ’s anxiety and Gina’s insecurities were bound to rub up against each other in some challenging ways, and thanks in part to EJ’s openness about his own experience in therapy, they both were bought into the idea that putting in the work was worth it. Gina was so grateful for a partner that didn’t see talking to someone as a last resort, but a really healthy way to keep their relationship, now marriage, strong.

“I’ll send him an email and ask, I’m sure he’s got some names,” EJ agreed. “And we also need to schedule the movers, and book our one way flights back here.”

“That sounds so final!” she laughed.

“It’s not an end, it’s a beginning,” EJ said sagely.

“Look at you, Mr. Enlightened,” she teased.

“Let it never be said that your husband isn’t in touch with his softer side.”

“Which makes his wife want him to be in touch with all HER softer sides, if you know what I mean,” she grinned, wrapping her arms around him and nuzzling into his neck.

He just shook his head. “Let’s go.” He grabbed her hand to pull her towards the door, pausing to say “I love you so much.”

Gina pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I love you too.” And they headed into the Chicago summer hand in hand.