Work Text:
Sleepless night
Gaon knew something was wrong since the moment he opened his eyes. The room fell into the shadows as Yohan let the curtains down, no sun would come in anymore, not right now when his eyes couldn’t take the sensation. The bright colors would hurt his retinas painting the underneath of his lashes with gushes of white.
The growing pain at the back of his head gave him discomfort and anxiety. The dry sound of fabric against his back felt rough at his ears and a dizzy spell overcame his body once he tried to sit back by the pillows resting at the head of the bed.
“Yohan?” The empty coldness at his side of the bed brought tears to his eyes and for moments Gaon felt confused at his own need. Some part of his brain remembered Yohan saying he would be late due to work, although he tried to be home as soon as possible, sometimes extra hours were needed and unstoppable. The heavy sensation of his belly took his breath away and for seconds Gaon could only stare at his body. The big, round belly decorating the room as a wonder; he sometimes questioned if all this was a dream and one day he would wake up a flat stomach and the ghost sensation of fullness, a whispered promise from a life connected to him and Yohan, creating a bond for the residents of the manor.
«Was it a dream? » the upsetting plus borderline painful kick that answered his inquirers made Gaon wake up from his reveries, one quick hand was placed on top of belly as he tried his best to bring comfort to the precious little one sleeping within.
The movement soon followed. It seemed like it was going to be one of those nights. His baby became more active with each passing day. Doctor’s appointments were full with excitement, laughter and forgotten worries as the days came by and only good news were heard. Gaon drown in relief with the sweet symphony of heartbeats —a soft «badum, badum, badum. » resonated in the room and tears of joy placated their faces. Seeing Yohan cry out of happiness for the first time elevated his heart rate, spiked the machine controlling him and his breath cut down to gasps in wonder.
Gaon never felt more in love but with Yohan kneeling by his side while staring at the black and white screen. Gray lines of marvelous life gave the vision of his child. A child of both.
Their child was healthy and secure, that was the reason why with the upcoming months Gaon was meant to change, not only in the obvious aspect of his physicality but there were changes in his mind, his likes, dislikes, comfort and sensations.
Gaon craved dishes cooked by the Nanny with extra ginger and garlic. Loved the feeling of the morning sun at his back while swinging in the garden and enjoyed laying down while Kkomi purred in his lap— going bold as being able to take a nap laying on top of his belly bottom. Elijah still laughed at the memories of Kkomi running away once she felt movement coming from underneath her. His child had woken up demanding being fed by his beloved father and spiraled, cartwheeled their need for attention. Kkomi went away, hiding in Elijah’s room ever since.
One obvious thing he didn’t enjoy was the sleepless nights.
Gaon went from sleeping big part of the afternoons to not being able to even lay down by the bed at night. Their child was active, playful and curious— switching within the extension of Gaon’s body, swimming his heart content and causing his father to be unable to rest. A rather painful turn made him cry. There was only one solution.
His doctor had recommended for Gaon to walk from time to time, try swaying on a hammock. He still enjoyed the smell of candles and warm teas; any little thing which could help his baby to rest for a while. So Gaon was set to the kitchen, they still had leftover food and a pot of tea made for him in late afternoon, a few seconds on the stove should be enough to heat up his body and set his mind to rest.
“What’s gotten into you tonight, huh?” an easy touch with the hopes of bringing comfort had the opposite effect as his baby showed his interest in hearing his father’s voice. Gaon waddled to Yohan’s study. The man was still not home and Gaon couldn’t help but worry; he knew taking a leave was about to put more pressure on Yohan’s shoulders, even with Judge Oh by his side, Gaon knew Yohan wouldn’t trust any other random judge selected to fill his space. He understood. However, just because he knew and understood on a rational level, it didn’t mean sometimes, some nights, Gaon would feel lonely without Yohan by his side. “Do you miss Daddy too?” his baby seemed to know what Gaon was referring to and responded by switching tactics and kicking.
«Oh, no. » He might have awoken a little demon.
Gaon found Yohan’s robe sitting on a chair and covered himself with it. The distinct fragrance of Yohan’s cologne seemed to calm his inner worries and for moments his child was also at peace. Although all short lived. His feet were killing him, Gaon couldn’t keep up, and he needed to rest for a while even if that meant upsetting his baby for a bit— their child was pampered even then—. The room wasn’t hot but it didn’t feel cool either, the air/con wasn’t on and Gaon sighed in effort. He lay down.
What a big mistake.
If his senses were dealing up from when he had first woken up, thinking he would come down fast was a silly thought. His baby might be calmer now, however his body had other plans. The light on top his head came flashing to his eyes creating tiny little dust colors underneath his lashes. A growing headache was forming at the back of his head and his heartbeat increased; when Gaon tried to calm himself by placing a hand over his chest, he was shocked by piercing pain. Tears came down his eyes.
“What?” one look at himself, Gaon realized something else was different. His chest was swollen, a red-ish color spreading over his body, the skin felt raw and sensitive. Curious hands touched the bruised spot, only to bring shame to his mind. Unbelievable to his eyes, Gaon was witness of the new changes of his body— something he had heard about but never truly imagine he would experience. Lactation. A soft trail of transparent liquid came from his chest and he could only stare at it. The fabric from his pajamas came back wet and the raspy sensation made him cry once again. The pain was back, the overbearing spiral of emotion burning at his throat. Nothing about moments like this were good. It was too much. Too much, all at the same time. His senses were screaming for help. And the only who listen was his baby. «No. No, no, no, please, baby. Don’t. » His mind begged for his baby to stop, to stop giving him more pain. Gaon didn’t need any more. He only wanted to rest.
His head was about to explode. His chest brought only indignation with each new brush against his clothing and his baby only twirl in concern for his father.
«No. No. Please. Please, stop. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. » Gaon hadn’t realized he was speaking in low murmurs, begging for his body to stop torturing him and bringing his child so much uncertainty. Only when a heated hand touched his wet cheek, he was fully conscious of his surroundings. Yohan stared at him with worried eyes. How come Gaon was still up? He should have been fast asleep even if their baby was active by night. What had caused his baby deer such discomfort?
“Shhh—it’s ok Baby Deer. You’re ok.” Yohan brushed away the cold tears and Gaon sobbed.
Gaon was overwhelmed. All cells in his body crying in discomfort. His clothes were raspy, the air went from hot to cold in a heartbeat was sweat pearled his forehead sticking his hair in place and chills went down his spine. His eyes filled with tears as his body betrayed him once again. All his senses dialed to hundreds and he could only wait for the wave to cease. His heart hammered in his ears while within him his baby twisted and twirled in worry for their father. They could sense his distress and wished only for it to come to an end— blindly oblivious to the fact they were contributing to Gaon’s pain.
Yohan came as a savior, switching away Gaon’s pain with one hand.
“What’s wrong?” the repeated reminder of such nickname made Gaon smile; Yohan didn’t call Gaon anything but his name even when the younger knew the judge was fond of said name. It was his only to use whenever he pleased.
«It hurts. » A memory of games which could have destroy them apart washed away only for them to be brought together, closer than before, mingling their lives in which it was difficult to tell them apart, when Kang Yohan started was the beginning of Kim Gaon. Yohan witnessed the low prayers Gaon said to emptiness as he begged forgiveness to his baby— asking them to stop. To stop moving altogether. To stop moving and stop hurting. Yohan imitated Gaon’s movements, placing his hand on top of the tense and stretch belly, touching with careful fingers trying to convey his feelings. Both parents coming to comfort their baby; both presences telling them, letting them know everything was going to be alright.
Gaon felt like crying harder once their child come to rest. All tight pain piercing and squeezing hurt soon ended washing him away in relief.
His body melted down against the sofa he was sitting.
—2 —
Yohan stared. Yohan silently stared down at Gaon as Gaon tried to calm down. Yes, they knew it could happen. Yes, Yohan knew and had witnessed before how Gaon had to endure aches and pains which came from his condition and were intertwined with the marvelous task he was carrying—Gaon was carrying their child—, however, knowing all this didn’t bring Yohan any comfort.
Gaon crying face pained his heart and torn his soul. Gaon pleads to stop suffering left Yohan feeling helpless like never before, he could only stare and wait, wait and hope for Gaon to overcome whatever it was needed for their baby to meet them soon. And so Yohan stared. With a fierce intent, with tunnel vision, seeking for ways to show Gaon he was not alone, Yohan was by his side, and Yohan would never leave him.
As if sensing his wandering thought, Gaon gasped in surprise when a cool and sticky sensation came back full force.
“What do you need?” Yohan whispered by his ear, twisting his fingers against Gaon’s scalp offering company.
“I need—” Gaon’s words were cut short by shock once again and Yohan feared a new wave of pain would start.
“Is it them?” Was it their child? Were they restless still?
“No—” His raspy voice made Yohan frown. “No, no… They are… They are ok. It’s not—” Gaon bit his lips and closed his eyes.
“Tell me, baby. What is it?”
“It hurts.” First time since coming home Yohan met Gaon’s eyes. Blotchy cheeks, wet with tears, a glass of phantom pain. Where? What could Yohan do? Get him pain killers? Should he call for the doctor? Never before had happened for so long, once their child was put at rest, Gaon’s body would be next, but there was something still causing pain to his baby deer.
And then as an epiphany, an accidental fleeting touch came with all the answers.
A soothing touch, his hand over tender skin and Gaon whimpered in relief as Yohan witnessed in wonder the dampness on his fingers.
Oh.
In absolute curiosity Yohan opened Gaon’s robe and stare down at the flustered chest. A pair of dark colored nipples greeted him, peaked in interest, calling for him. Glowing under the artificial light, Yohan wanted nothing more than to taste. And taste he did.
The plain, watery taste didn’t surprise him. It wasn’t a flavor he could compare to anything. Yohan could feel the tension under his lips, Gaon trembled and shivered, holding onto Yohan with desperation and a newborn sense of overwhelm.
Gaon’s vision all white out before everything faded to black.
—3—
Yohan sighed in awe. Gaon might had fallen asleep after his body going all wired, and he was absolutely calling the doctor after letting Gaon rest for a couple of hours. He could still feel the tension, the pressure and pain irradiating from Gaon, and would store for later the way his body ache for released, only giving in after a sweet touch which brought to new lights the never-ending changes Gaon’s body was going through.
All Yohan could do was please his Baby.