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“Jake, this shouldn’t even be a conversation-"
“You’re not having a conversation; you’re just fucking yelling at me!”
Bradley closed his eyes tightly against the ringing that the slamming of the passenger door left in his ears. He clenched his hands around the wheel as he opened them again, catching Jake’s back as he stalked up the driveway towards the door.
Holding his breath for a moment, trying to quell the rage boiling in his chest, Bradley released his death grip of the steering wheel and instead drummed his fingers against it restlessly. They were meant to be working on themselves; Bradley on his temper and Jake on his deflection. But God dammit, nobody could piss him off like Hangman.
Their back and forth barbs the whole way home bounced around his head, interrupting the silence of the car.
“You don’t always have to have a smart-ass answer for everything I say!”
“For God’s sake, would you quit being so dramatic?”
“You just can’t handle one adult conversation, can you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re so fucking immature-"
“You’re the one who kicked off infront of everybody!”
“Because the way you were acting was fucking embarrassing!”
“So now I’m immature and I’m an embarrassment? Great. Nice to know, Bradshaw.”
Smacking his palm on the wheel, Bradley threw the door open with a growl of, “Fuck this.”
Ignoring the way the whole Bronco shuddered as he got out and slammed the door, he stormed up the driveway. The night air wrapped around his body the second he was outside, and inside wasn’t much warmer.
Jake was nowhere in sight, but Bradley could hear the sounds of movement upstairs. Setting his shoulders, he took them two at a time until he was slipping into the bedroom, “We’re not done talking about this.”
“Stop talking to me like I’m a child then!” Jake barked, whipping around to face him.
Bradley threw his hands out to the side, “What do you want me to do, Jake? You can’t go two seconds without making some-"
“What? You want me to hang off your arm and smile all quiet like some pretty little military wife? Is that what you want?” Jake snarled viciously.
The sound of Bradley’s fist slamming against the door echoed through the room.
Through the roaring in his ears, he clocked the way Jake flinched away from him, green eyes widening a fraction. A cloud of guilt began to extinguish the red hot anger that had been flooding his vision.
They stood there in silence for a second or two, breathing heavily and just staring at each other as though seeing the same thoughts in the other’s eyes.
How do we keep ending up here?
Bradley was the one to break the silence, sighing as his shoulders slumped with exhaustion, “We can’t keep doing this.” He muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose to keep off the headache that was starting to build.
When he pulled his hand away, he saw the shimmer of tears in Jake’s eyes even as he tried to look anywhere but Bradley’s face. The blonde swallowed with a jerky nod, hands on his hips.
“No shit.” Jake mumbled, but Bradley heard the way his voice wavered.
Bradley stood still as stone while Jake shouldered past him, only letting go of his breath when he heard heavy feet on stairs.
He realised his own eyes were stinging and quickly swiped at them, though he knew it was futile. He dropped to sit on the edge of the bed, head in his hands.
The real kicker? He barely even remembered what they’d been fighting about. There was a fuzzy memory of being in The Hard Deck, all the other Daggers there. Some debate got sparked up and, trust Hangman and Rooster to take it a step too far. Too much alcohol, lights, noise and inquisitive eyes and before long Jake had made one snarky comment too many that had Bradley practically throwing his chair with how quick he stood up to shout back.
In hindsight, he almost definitely shouldn’t have been driving, if not for the alcohol but for the anger. In truth, Bradley had only had a couple of drinks, but the tiny spark was all it took to light a fuse that was already too short.
As for Jake, alcohol had always served to dampen his social cues. While he was always sharp as a tack, he was more mindful of people’s limits when he was sober.
Trying to push back that impending headache, Bradley thought back to that morning and wondered how the day had turned so fast.
The frustration was soothed immediately as he remembered waking up to Jake’s body curled against his chest. He remembered smiling, tightening his arms around his partner and hearing Jake’s half-awake whine of protest when Bradley tightened his arms and hauled him closer.
“S’too early.”
“Then go back to sleep.”
Jake’s answering grumble had quickly dissolved into giggles as Bradley started ghosting kisses along his neck, grinning against the smaller man’s collarbone when he tried to arch away.
“Let me go, you absolute menace!” Jake had wheezed out between laughing, swatting half-heartedly at Bradley’s arms.
Bradley had just pulled his partner on top of him, manhandling him until Jake was draped over him chest to chest and feeling a swell of pride when the blonde just huffed and relaxed limply like a warm blanket.
“Love you.” Bradley murmured softly, arms sliding around Jake’s waist to hold him.
Jake had just lifted his head, green eyes sparkling and sleepy, and smiled at him with a whispered, “Love you too.”
With a sigh, Bradley stared at the floor and thought about those words.
Love. Did he love Jake? Was it just the idea of him? Of them? Of what they could be if they weren’t who they were?
They’d tried this once before, after all. It had crashed and burned and neither of them had crawled out unscathed, so why were they trying to run back into the wreckage?
The door creaking made him lift his head to see Jake stood half in the doorway, eyes flickering between Bradley and anywhere else.
“I’m going to Javy’s.” Jake muttered, voice tight. He disappeared again before Bradley could think of what he was supposed to say to that.
Was he going for an hour or two just to cool down? The whole night? Forever?
Bradley sat there for a moment longer, trying to picture lying in their bed alone for the first time in weeks. He tried to imagine waking up without Jake’s soft warmth in his arms, without hearing his soft breaths as he slept.
He was on his feet before his brain even caught up.
“Jake,” he called out, striding out of the room and down the stairs, “Hold on.”
Jake was stood with one hand on the door handle when he turned to look at Bradley with tired, frustrated eyes.
Swallowing, Bradley stepped into his space cautiously, keeping his voice soft, “Don’t go.”
Jake sighed, shrugging at him helplessly, “Bradley, we’re not going to get anywhere-"
“I know.” Bradley interrupted quietly, “We don’t have to talk about it again tonight. Just…just stay.”
“Why?” Jake rasped.
“Because I love you.”
Another sigh, “That never saved us before, Roo.”
“No,” Bradley reached out, gently wrapping his hand around Jake’s wrist where he was still holding the handle, “I’m in love with you, Jake. I am. So…if we have to not say a word to each other, if we have to sleep in separate rooms for the night, whatever then…that’s fine. Just as long as you don’t walk out that door. Please.”
Jake was staring up at him, and Bradley could see the wall fall away and the vulnerability fully exposed behind it.
He let his hand drift up Jake’s arm, curling it around the back of his neck gently, “I’m sorry I scared you.” He whispered, “It wasn’t okay and I shouldn’t have done it.”
Jake swallowed, holding his gaze, but Bradley felt his shoulders relax a little as he murmured back softly, “I’m sorry too.”
Bradley breathed out heavily through his nose in relief as Jake’s hand fell limply from the door handle.
They still had to talk about what had happened. The argument, Bradley losing his temper, Jake trying to bolt. Bradley knew from past experience that if they tried to ignore it, it would just boil up and become ammunition for the next explosion between then. But that could come tomorrow.
“I’ll uh, take the couch tonight.” Bradley said, stepping back.
Jake just nodded silently, hesitating before slipping past Bradley to head back for the stairs.
An hour or so later, Bradley was lying on the couch in the dark alone. Though his body felt heavy and exhausted, it was colder than the bed, and there was no denying that he’d forgotten how to sleep by himself.
So caught up in this in-between limbo, he barely heard the quiet padding of bare feet on the stairs until Jake was stood over him.
A hand reached out and gently smoothed through his hair and Bradley closed his eyes with a contented sigh at the feeling.
“Come to bed.” Jake murmured quietly in the dark.
Bradley nodded wordlessly, letting Jake take his hand and guide him up to their room, fingers locked the whole way.
Still, he didn’t dare reach out once they were huddled under the covers until Jake shifted closer, nuzzling against Bradley’s chest. Without another thought, Bradley wrapped Jake in his arms, resting his chin in his blonde hair and letting the warmth seep back into his body.
“You said you’re in love…did you mean that?” Jake’s voice was small and hesitant, and Bradley tightened his hold ever so slightly.
“With all my heart.” He answered surely.
Jake hummed quietly, and Bradley felt the feather-light press of lips against his collar bone, “Think I am too.”
A smile tugged at Bradley’s mouth as he kissed the top of Jake’s head and thanked any and every God there was that he’d get to wake up with him again in the morning.
Somehow, he just knew.
This time it was going to work.