Chapter Text
As soon as Linda found out she was pregnant, she knew this day would come but she had not anticipated it would come so soon. The silence was insufferable. She cracked open a screw topped bottle of red wine and took it with her to the couch, not bothering with a glass.
Today had been a good day, she told herself, a good day. She looked at the selfie on her phone of herself, Tina and Teddy. All smiles and hope. Tina looked so small as they had driven away from her university halls but she was ready. Linda had cried with pride, so much pride and a grief only a mother could know, into Teddies arms. She'd thanked him for the helping Tina move in with a burger and a deep, heartfelt hug. Now she was alone. It used to be a seldom occurrence, having the flat to herself but now, she mused, she would have to get used to the idea.
Gene would be back tomorrow, thank God, she thought. He had spent every Saturday night over at his boyfriends for the last month. Tomorrow he would either burst loudly into the shop or go straight up to the flat, appearing later, pretending he wasn't hungover. Even in the darkest moments, Gene knew just what to say to Linda to make her feel better.
Linda took several long swigs of her wine. Poor Gene, she thought. He had a lot on his 16 year old shoulders. She remembered when he had got her and Bob to sit down on the couch, just a few months prior. He had been so visibly nervous.
“I knew you're gay” She'd said. “I was worried you were gunna come out as Republican!”
“I like boys too” Bob had said, embracing his only son. “I'm bisexual, to be honest, I'm surprised you hadn't noticed”
Linda smiled to herself, recalling that happy, alcohol filled night. How she had pretended to cringe as her husband taught her son about anal douching and STDs. She had cried with pride that night too. How times had changed. Bob was 'single' when they had met. She had been out with Ginger, showing off her engagement ring, he'd been out with his 'friend' Pete. He'd just sucked him off in the Gents and was drinking heavily, unsure of what to do next. Then the ring got caught in the moustache and the rest was history, as they say.
Two bottles in, with no dinner, Linda walked, waddled and stumbled into Louise's room. Collapsing onto her bed, she grabbed the toys – collectables, she corrected herself - from the shelves, sending the empty bottles she's carried like a safety blanket with her to the floor. She inhaled the smell, over and over. It was calming at first but it wasn't long before tears streamed, silently down her face.
“My poor baby” she cried to herself. “My poor, poor Louise.”
Louise had always been a Daddies girl, despite Linda's best efforts. Linda had watched the decline of her 14 year old child, helpless, as it echoed that of her father's.
The past Monday had been one of the worst days of Linda's life and of Louise's too, she supposed. An iron grip between them both. Snot, tears, shouts and whispers.
“I love you” she'd said, as the nurses restrained Louise's tiny legs.
“You can do this, my brave, brave girl. Just swallow, swallow!”
Louise's body had convulsed as she'd gagged and retched against the nasogastric tube. Her eye's had bored holes into Linda's brain as she'd tried to talk about visitation. Eventually, Linda had stopped trying to get Louise to reply.
“I'm tired” She'd stated before leaving her youngest child at the hospital. “I'm tired.”
Linda wailed to herself, to her empty flat. It had been five years and about three months since she had first uttered those words.
“I'm tired Bobby”
Bob had looked at her then, wide eyed and terrified. It had suddenly hit him how much he put upon Linda and his family.
“We are not gunna die!”
He had been amazing that day. But something had changed in Bob, a feeling of guilt had formed in the pit of his stomach, which then forever festered. That is what Linda thought anyway. She took a deep breath and sat up, letting the collectables fall at her sides. She took the phone from her jean's pocket.
“Teddy?”
“Oh, Hi Linda, are you okay? Do you need me to come over? I can be there in-”
“Oh, Teddy”
“Yeah?”
“I can't do this any longer. Let's find Bobby tomorrow.”
“Uh, Okay, can do. I love you- I mean I love Bob- I mean uhh”
“I'll see you tomorrow Teddy.”
She took a deep breath and wobbled from Louise's small room to her own. She spread herself over the double bed and fell asleep.