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She didn't like meditating.
This was hardly news to… well, anyone, Tenzin and his children or the island's latest inhabitants alike. It was nothing new to the Avatar herself, either… and yet it was much like a sudden slap of cold water every time she tried. Whether it was a polar ocean or meditation, she could convince herself a thousand times beforehand that the next dive into it wouldn't be nearly so bad as the last.
The difference was that with ice-cold water, she could break through its surface and dive down into its endless depths; sometimes, she could even feel refreshed after a swim in it. Meditation, however…? Not so much.
Convoluted metaphors aside, Tenzin pushed and pushed for her to keep trying. Her mentor was convinced it would help more than ever, given recent events and the obvious emotional toll they had taken on her; he reminded her, time and time again, how much it had helped Avatar Aang, how it had allowed Aang to communicate with his past lives.
Though he hadn't stressed the latter bit more than any other reasoning he tried to sway her with, Korra had the feeling that he considered it most important… in part, she suspected, for sentimental reasons as much as logical. Even if he wouldn't be the one speaking to Avatar Aang when the time finally came, she would undoubtedly share Aang's words with his son.
For all he spoke of Aang in the strictest educational sense, only imparting words of wisdom and events much in the same way they would be written in a textbook, to the point where one could easily forget Aang had been his father… Korra could tell. He missed him as much as Katara did.
But she wasn't Aang. Their similarities started and ended with both being the Avatar, she thought, even if Tenzin seemed so convinced she could be just as great as his father, could keep the peace and save the city—maybe even the world—and still have time for airbending practice afterwards.
Sometimes she thought so, too. But then, she had thought she could take Amon in a fight, and she had thought she could keep him and the Equalists at bay for one stupid night and win the Pro-Bending match afterwards, and she had thought…
She had thought lots of things. Lots of things that were ridiculously, hilariously wrong.
"Stupid," Korra snapped at the gazebo around her, punching at the air with a crackling fwoosh of fire that was as bright and burning as her anger with herself.
Unlike her anger, however, it caught the wooden beams of the roof on fire. "Oh, for Yue's sake…" This meditating thing could not get worse. Fighting the desire to scream in frustration, she instead shifted into a fluid stance; and her hands wove through the air, directing a stream of seawater up out of the ocean that extinguished the flames. Dumping it back into the sea with a quick fling of her arm, she looked up at the ceiling with a scowl. The fire was out, but the evidence still remained in the form of an ugly black mark that scorched the ornate wood.
It would be time for dinner soon, she realized as she looked to the horizon, judging by the streaks of pink and gold across the dimming sky; she had time for one more attempt. Maybe if she could actually succeed in meditating, Tenzin wouldn't notice the burned roof…
Settling down back into the lotus position, Korra closed her eyes and evened her breathing, counting five slow, deep breaths, the way Tenzin had taught her.
One. She was inhaling the sharp salt and chill that clung to the ocean breeze, the faint smell of ash that lingered from her latest mistake; the fluidity and grace with which Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo easily controlled the air, the calm spirituality they gained from their father, her own furious, fiery struggle with the element. Air. She exhaled.
Two. She was inhaling Mako's accusation of jealousy, the taste of their kiss, the arguments that came too easy to them; Asami’s unending kindness even in the face of her own rudeness, the way Asami made Mako smile, her upset over who her father turned out be and the choice she had had to make. Fire. She exhaled.
Three. She was inhaling Bolin's cute but clumsy crush on her, her guilt over accidentally misleading him, the ease and comfort in how well they got along; Chief Bei Fong’s coolness towards her that was just beginning to wear off, how close they had been to catching Amon, the unfamiliar path they were treading as they worked together now, outside of the law the Chief had once so sternly upheld. Earth. She exhaled.
Four. She was inhaling her apprehension and her arrogance, her naïveté, her fears and her flaws and her faults; how she missed her parents, how she felt she couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations and how lonely and isolating that was, how she couldn’t help Tarrlok or Tahno or Asami or Mako or Bolin or any of the people of Republic City from the Equalists, from Amon… how scared she truly was, how she couldn’t shake the nightmares of crackling electricity and smiling masks reaching for her, how every night like clockwork she woke with a scream in her throat and a cold sweat on her brow. Water. She exhaled.
Five. She inhaled and, for a brief, blessed moment, for the first time in a long time, her mind was clear. For a beat longer than her previous four, she held that breath, savored that calm. Korra exhaled, barely stifled the urge to jump up and dance, and started her count anew.
One.