Chapter Text
Seven laid in bed, curling in on herself. Raffi was away on a mission, and her thoughts rang in her head so loudly it was like she was speaking them. Maybe she was, Seven couldn’t quite tell.
All she could hear was “why not just put a phaser to your head and get it over with” and her voice shakily saying “I’m sorry, my son,” followed by the sound of phaser fire. Seven couldn’t stop her thoughts - she never learned how - and they were overwhelming her. They just kept coming, one after the other, overlapping and following a theme of self-loathing.
Seven held her hands over her ears, shaking her head and willing the thoughts to stop as tears spilled out of her eyes. She felt like she couldn’t breathe, like there was no air left in the world. She grabbed her chest, sobbing until the pain gave way to numbness.
She felt a rush go through her, and it was as though all the emotion had left her body, leaving a hole inside her. Seven, moving slowly, sat up and got out of bed, making her way to the replicator. She noted the warm feeling that alcohol tends to give way to, replicating a bottle of bourbon and grabbing a glass.
Seven finished the bottle quickly, having thrown the glass across the room two drinks in. She found it more efficient to just drink straight from the bottle. While Seven was better able to hold her liquor, that was when it came to a couple glasses, and as she got up to replicate another bottle, she stumbled, the sight of the trailer around her beginning to swirl.
She laughed, though she didn’t find anything funny. Gripping whatever she could find to keep her balance, her laughter only continued. Imagine if her younger self could see her now. If Icheb could see her now. She was pitiful, and he wouldn’t have wanted this for her.
Seven’s laughter began to die down at that thought, her heart thumping heavily in her chest. She didn’t want to wonder what Icheb would have wanted. Wobbling to the replicator, she grabbed another bottle, her tears mixing in with the alcohol as she drank.
Seven, halfway through the second bottle, decides to send Raffi a transmission. She’s crying and sniffling and she just needs Raffi to know that she’s sorry. “Raffi,” Seven slurs, “I love you so much. I’m sorry I’m the person you fell for. I’m not good enough for you, the Borg made sure of that. I just… love you so much. I have to go for you. So you can find someone better. I know you will. Be strong for me.”
And it ends there. Seven is alone in the dim lighting of the trailer, phaser in her hands. She wonders if it hurt Icheb when she shot him. It couldn’t have been worse than the pain of having his implants extracted, which Seven still carries the guilt of like chains tied to her limbs. If she hadn’t told Bjayzl about him, maybe he’d still be around. Maybe Seven wouldn’t be sitting in the dark, wondering if it’s only fair for her to go out the same way Icheb did - by her own hand.
Seven took a long drink and finished off the bottle, turning the phaser over in her hands. She decided to move to the bedroom, carefully carrying the weapon and holding onto whatever she could find to keep her steady as she made her way there.
Raffi was almost to the trailer when she received a transmission from Seven. She smiled before playing it, but that smile quickly dropped when she heard Seven’s words.
She didn’t have time to mentally process and address everything Seven had said, because all Raffi could think about was getting back to her. She didn’t know what was going on but she knew it wasn’t good. She heard herself in that transmission and that’s what worried her the most.
Raffi put the ship into warp and made her way back as fast as she could. The world was not going to lose Seven of Nine, and neither was she. Not if she could help it.
Raffi practically stumbled off of the ship, running to open the trailer door. She turned on the lights and saw the empty bottles and broken glass, feeling her stomach drop. Where the hell was Seven?
Raffi hurriedly made her way around the trailer, finally finding herself in the bedroom. It was there she saw Seven, sitting with her back towards the door, holding a phaser. “Seven?” Raffi said, her voice shaking as she turned on the light. She wasn’t sure what to expect or what kind of state she was in.
“Raffi,” Seven said, her voice flat. Raffi walked around to see Seven’s face, covered in tears. “Seven, I’m gonna take this from you, okay?” Raffi said carefully, waiting for Seven’s slow nod before cautiously taking the weapon from her hands and storing it.
Raffi returned with a glass of water for Seven and a sick bag. With how much Seven drank, it’s a wonder she hadn’t gotten sick already. Raffi, after placing both items on the table, knelt in front of Seven and gently tucked her hair behind her ear, taking her face in both her hands. “Seven, honey, what happened?” Raffi said, trying to get Seven to look at her and respond. She needed to understand what happened to the woman she loved to make her this upset.
“He didn’t have a funeral,” Seven sobbed out, staring ahead and avoiding Raffi’s gaze. “I had to kill him, and he didn’t get a funeral. My thoughts were so loud, I couldn’t stop replaying the moment before he died and what I said to him. My own voice telling me that I should feel the same pain he did, that I should die by my own hand like he did,” Seven wailed.
Raffi’s heart shattered. She had never seen Seven like this, and she’s sure the alcohol in her system wasn’t helping matters. She stood up, sitting next to her on the bed and wrapping her arms around Seven as she cried and cried. Raffi couldn’t help but join her, the sound of Seven’s sorrow tearing her apart.
When Seven finally stopped crying, Raffi looked over at her to see a blank expression. It worried Raffi, but at least she’d stopped crying for now. Reaching over, she grabbed the glass of water off of the bedside table and handed it to Seven. She took the glass and drank it slowly, finishing it off.
Raffi rubbed Seven’s back until she had to get up to go to the bathroom. She sat outside the door and gave her privacy until she heard her get sick. She opened the door, holding her hair back and rubbing her back until she was sure she was done.
They made their way back to bed, Raffi getting Seven to drink another glass of water before she passed out. Seven mumbled out a slurred “I love you” before drifting off, and Raffi held her firmly.
She finally allowed herself to relax and she began to cry again. She couldn’t believe there was a chance she could’ve come back and Seven would be gone. But Raffi was here now, and she wasn’t leaving until Seven was okay again, no matter how long it took.