Work Text:
POV Zayn
Zayn doesn't bother to look up as the bell rings when someone enters. He knows who it is.
"Atleast greet me, Malik!", Louis says indignantly.
Zayn just chuckles and looks up to smile when he places the containers on the billing counter. A large container with Spicy garlic noodles and Chicken Teriyaki in a smaller box. Zayn takes out the last night's container, now empty and clean and hands it to Louis.
"Thanks..tell Harry too. Don't know what I'd do without you both.", He says.
"Now don't go all emotional on me, Zayn.", He warns patting his shoulder.
"I'd stay and chat but lunch rush, you know how it is ...Harry will come at night ok?", He says turning to leave.
"Yeah..bye Lou. See you at dinner tomorrow.", He says. It's their routine. Harry and Louis feed him all working days and he makes dinner for everyone on weekends. It's the only way for Zayn to pay them back since they refuse to accept any money. It's not that Zayn's struggling or anything. He lives comfortably with his earnings from the bookshop and has more than enough family money to fall back on, but Harry and Louis are just like that.
So is honestly everyone in town, like family. Old Danny comes and gets a novel every month after his pension comes in. Zayn knows it's just because he wants to have a chat, since Danny is almost completely blind but lives alone in his house. Geoff comes along sometimes with Karen and browses through the comics while Zayn chats with Karen. Paul, Miles and Mark come by almost every week. He's extremely thankful for everyone of them. He's glad he didn't move to london when He asked him, it won't ever be home like this is.
"Zayn..do you have the accountancy text for 11th grade?", Marcy asks him.
"You expect me to know which one that is?", He asks.
"Oh. But Ms. Madeline told you know which one?", She says pouting.
"I was kidding kid. Give me a minute.", He says moving towards the commerce rack.
"How's your mom, by the way, heard she caught the flu?", He asks her.
"She's fine, recovering, but not as sleepy anymore, I guess..", she says shrugging.
Zayn gets the book from the rack and grins triumphantly.
"Here you go!", He says handing it to her.
"Dad will pay you tomorrow yeah?" She says walking towards the door. Zayn just hums an okay and goes back to his seat.
A couple more students wanting notebooks visit the evening.
Later, Harry comes in with dinner, while Charlie pays for Marcy's book and they all stay to chat until Zayn locks up and Charlie drops him home before going home to his wife and kids.
And yeah, Zayn doesn't regret not moving. He may still miss Him like crazy, but he doesn't regret letting Him go. He swears he doesn't.
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POV Liam
"Cut!", The director shouts and Liam wipes the tears from his cheek. He accepts the towel someone gives him and grabs his phone from his assistant. He checks it and there's a message from Niall telling him to call him once he's home. He types okay and looks to the director.
"It was great! You can leave for the day.", He says looking at Liam. "Alright, Pack up!", He says addressing everyone.
He makes a quick work of changing from his costume to a pair of sweats. Thanks the designer and waves goodbye to everyone. On the way to his car a couple of fans come and he chats with them and signs and takes pictures before he's ushered away by his security. He smiles at them once more.
He leans against his seat and sighs. He's exhausted, he lies on the seat to take a quick nap before he reaches wherever he's supposed to be.
He dreams of warm beds and a hand wrapped around him and stubble tickling his skin. He wakes up with a crick in his neck from the uncomfortable position, impossibly cold.
His assistant lets him know they're here for an interview for promoting Weather ( a series he plays one of the leads in) with some of his co-stars. He nods and wipes at his eyes.
The interview goes alright there's a lot of energy and bickering and jokes amongst each other and he enjoys it. But then he makes it to his house and he's tired again. He takes a quick shower and gets into his bed. It isn't warm. It doesn't smell like Him. But the sheets are soft and comfortable and Liam sighs in gratitude. He's grateful for all he has because not long ago he didn't have much. Moving to the city was his only option to make something out of himself, because people in towns never progress, everything is stagnant until you get out of there.
He sighs and snuggles in a bit before groaning and grabbing his phone and calling Niall.
"Hey Li..I know your going to sleep..not gonna take too long, but I need you to decide if you're going to the Charity Gala tomorrow? I won't blame you if don't.. you've been busy, you deserve a day off.", He says.
"I'm tired..but I'll go.. it's charity yeah? Won't skip.", He says. He deals with the exhaustion better than he deals with guilt.
"Li.. you're overworked..I know that.. don't you think you should take a bit off? I can push some commitments back if you want..", Niall suggests.
"No..I just want that break for Christmas.", He says.
"Shall I book tickets for your parents, they're coming right?", Niall asks. They always come over for Christmas and Niall has more fun than Liam.
"No.. I'm going home this time.. ", he says.
"Oh..shall I book tickets for you?", He asks slightly disappointed.
"Yea..2 of them, mom wanted you to come aswell..", he says chuckling.
"Oh..okay..", Niall says happily. Niall's parents had both passed away about a year after he met Liam and they'd spent every Christmas after, together.
"Yeah..can I sleep now?", He asks.
"Yeah...and don't forget to eat something yeah? See ya..", He says. Liam mumbles a bye as the call drops.
He should get his presents from here before he leaves. Something nice, maybe a necklace for his mum and a watch for his dad. Now that he can afford it, he will absolutely spoil his parents, he'd never be able to do that if he'd stayed back.
Liam's dad worked as a driver for the richest person in town, Yaser and his mom couldn't work because of a spine problem. His dad, was the only earning member in the family and it was really hard at times. Yaser was a great help whenever emergencies with her illness occurred, dad always paid him back with his work, even though the man was kind to never ask for it. But still, it's their money and his dad and later Liam would have been stuck working for the man for a long time if it wasn't for him leaving.
He left for London, did a few odd jobs, including one in a club. The club owner made him pose for a couple of ads for the club, which lead to a modelling agency to contact him. That later evolved into acting. Now, he is one of the most successful actors in Hollywood even though he turns beet red whenever someone says it. Truth be told, he's always been quite great at pretending, even his mum can't tell when his smiles are fake. No one can, well except Him. But, that's why acting is natural for him, he's done it his whole life, without realising.
He's comfortable, he saves enough that he can live comfortably his whole life even if his career comes to a standstill the next day, not that it's showing signs of stopping anyday soon. When he has enough for himself, his family and his future, he gives the rest away to charity because Liam knows hunger and he knows pain.
So yeah, Liam doesn't regret leaving. He may still crave for Him, but he doesn't regret saving himself. He swears he doesn't.
__________________________
It's finally December and he has his well deserved 2 week long break. He's already pre-filmed a few christmas special interviews and is all set to go back. Back home. It's almost exactly 6 years since he left.
*Six and a half years ago*
"Zayn..", Liam moans out as the other bites at his jaw.
"Fuck, babe", Zayn says pulling at Liam's hair for more access to his neck, which he readily provides.
"Zayn! Baba's calling you.", His sister shouts through the door.
He quickly pecks Liam's lips then his forehead making him giggle before straightening his clothes and looking at Liam once again. He wiggles his eyebrows. Liam laughs and nods. He keeps looking at him.
"Yes, the boner is covered Zayn.", He says smiling but turning red. Zayn smirks even though Liam can see the light blush on his cheek. He bends pecks Liam again before going out.
Liam sighs in bed before standing up fixing his clothes and trying to sneak out of the room.
"Liam?", Mrs Malik asks. " What are you doing here?"
He blushes a bit trying to think of something. He quickly covers his expression.
"I was actually borrowing Zayn's notes for a test tomorrow.", He lies expertly.
"Okay... that's fine then. You're dad will be off in a minute to take Zayn to the library he's been wanting to visit. Tell him to drop you home on his way. You don't have to walk.", She says.
"Thank you, Mrs Malik.", He says.
"Nothing much to thank me for, Liam", She says smiling.
He smiles back as she leaves the room and blushes bright red. What was he thinking? They could've been caught.
It's not that Zayn's family is homophobic or that they wouldn't accept Liam or anything, but he's still their help's son. And even if they accept, townsfolk talk. Way too much. About things that most definitely shouldn't bother them. He sighs and walks out of the room.
Zayn's waiting at the front door bored while his father goes on about something. He catches Liam's eyes and smiles a bit. He raises his eyebrows as to ask 'what happened?' and Liam shrugs nothing before going to the door near where his dad is standing.
"Son", he says patting Liam's shoulder and he smiles.
About 5 minutes later Zayn joins them and they set off to the library in the city. Zayn's been on about it for the past month. The excited expression making Liam fall harder than he already was. He sits in the front near his father and Zayn sits in the back behind Liam. His phone dings.
Z: Wt happnd?
Me: nothin
Z: Dnt lie, cn c it in ur face.
Me: nothin jst bit wprried ur mum found me in ur room
Z: Did she say smthn?
Me: no i dodgded smthn with abt a tst.. it's fine.
Z: k.. it's fine if they kno yeah? Idc
Me: bt it wnt be cool. Lik i don..not yet zee
Z: k np. Ily
Me: ily
Liam types out not bothering spelling errors and lame abbreviations as he tries to hide it from his dad. He turns sideways to look at Zayn. He's already looking at Liam. He presses his knees onto the back of Liam's seat, a rough pressure on his lower back. It he bites back a smile and looks out the window. His home comes into view.
It's small with two tiny rooms and a bathroom, there's also a small space that is both their kitchen and living room. He steps out as his dad stops.
"Give your mom her medicines yeah?", He tells Liam.
"Okay... I will. Bye dad. Bye Zayn.", He says before walking away.
He steps inside his house, "Mum, I'm home", he says loudly. He looks up at the lack of response.
"Mum?", He calls out.
He makes his way to the room where she lies. She can't move much because of her illness. She could but it requires a really expensive surgery which they can't afford yet. They're saving up, but with her medicines and Liam's college, his dad's and his salaries don't allow much savings.
"Mum?! What happened?", He rushes to her side seeing her lying motionless.
"Mum?! Oh my god!", He exclaims clumsily taking his phone and calling his dad.
He gasps out incoherently when he picks up but thankfully, his dad understands.
Within 3 minutes his dad and Zayn barge into the room and they take his mom to the hospital.
*Present*
"Li...wake up.. we're landing", Niall shakes him.
He grumbles in answer and sits up straighter. He blinks and looks out at London.
________________________
It takes them about 1 hour and 45 minutes to reach from the airport to Dedham. They go through the town entrance and Liam feels weirdly in his chest. Places so familiar, yet so alien at the same time. Not much has changed here, just as he expected. He sees a few familiar faces among the people out walking. He sees the diner run by the Tomlinson's and a new shop opposite it. A book shop. He swallows thickly. He feels really cold for as he passes, he stares at the shop until it fades out of view.
"What happened? You look like you saw a ghost, mate", Niall says.
He quickly clears his expression.
"It's nothing much mate...just.. it's weird being back, you know?", He says.
"Yeah.. I feel ya..", Niall says and goes back to texting.
Liam's heart clenches painfully. He'd have known Liam was lying. Would he still know? Liam wonders.
The driver takes them to the new, respectable sized house, Liam bought his parents. Just next to his old home. They step out, his mum and dad are standing outside, impatient to hug him. Liam and Niall all but run to them to get a hug.
Liam breathes in his mum and dad he's missed them a lot.
They make their way inside with much noise, courtesy of Niall, amd Liam likes this.
_________________________
He spends most of the day in his home letting his parents coddle him, honestly loving their attention.
It's around sunset that they step out after a lot of persuasion from Niall. They walk to the centre and Niall drags Liam into the diner saying something about town food, but Liam can't focus on him. Not with Him there, locking up the bookstore.
He looks beautiful, Liam thinks. Not that Zayn wasn't always beautiful, just Liam feels the Zayn in his dreams don't do him justice. Zayn is the single most gorgeous person he's ever met and that's something because Liam walks around celebrities recognised internationally for their beauty. But none of them match his beauty. It's a bit unfair, Liam thinks, that he gets to be that pretty and warm and everything Liam ever wanted. No one would ever be as wonderful as him. So, Liam is doomed to compare everyone with Zayn, and watch them fail miserably, unsurprised.
Zayn wraps his scarf tighter around his neck. But just as he's about to look into Liam's direction Niall pulls him into the diner. Then, Liam doesn't have the strength to walk out again and talk to him, so he just goes with Niall.
___________________________
POV Zayn
Zayn thinks he sees Liam. Which he definitely didn't, but it isn't very surprising. He sees Liam a lot. He sees Liam curled in his bed, when he visits his parents' house. He sees Liam giggling under his breath as he opens a comic to read. He feels Liam's touch when he passes their old school. Other than that, he also sees Liam in many adverts as he plays telly. He sees him in magazines, smoldering into the camera with expensive clothes. So yeah, he sees Liam a lot, so doesn't give it much thought.
Zayn wonders sometimes if Liam ever thinks about him. If he thinks about Zayn when he sees something. Does he remember him when he speaks about his childhood in interviews. Or when he kisses someone else. He shouldn't. He probably doesn't since he's busy and he's got new people in life. Liam is now friends with people who they fanboy-ed as teenagers. Zayn is happy for Liam, he really is. But sometimes he wishes he could move on and not miss him so much. It's been six years too long.
He goes home and starts on dinner when he gets a call from Harry.
"Zayn! Liam freaking Payne came to the diner. We had like a chat and he ate my lasagna. He said he liked it!!", Harry screeches.
Zayn just chuckles a bit. So it probably was him. Harry's new to town. He and Louis were set up by the latter's parents even though Zayn can't think about them being with anyone else. They were family friends and hence familiar with each other. He's positive they would've ended up together even without their parents finding them for each other. Closest thing to soulmates Zayn has seen. But, because Harry grew up in a different town and has known Zayn only for the past 2 years, he doesn't know about Liam.
"Yeah, love. It's great isn't it?", He asks. His chest is clenching at the thought of Liam but Harry's enthusiasm has atleast puts a smile on his face.
"Obviously! Zayn you don't realise. If he posts a picture of him in the diner, people are gonna fly in from America to be here! It could mean so much business!", He says.
"Is that what you'd like. I'm sure he would do that.", He says. Liam would do anything to help. Atleast old Liam would've, he hopes he hasn't changed.
"Harry who are you talking to?", He hears Louis muffled voice on the other side.
"Oh.. it's Zayn, Lou .. I was telling him about Liam Payne.", Harry tells his husband, microphone covered with his palm, Zayn guesses.
"Oh. Hazza...Zayn knows Liam...you cut the phone..", he hears Louis again. And then,
"Hey sorry Zayn, I'll call you later..or no we'll come in an hour yeah..see you!", Harry says lifting his hands of the microphone.
"Yeah..ok..bye!", He says before cutting the call. He sighs. He doesn't like it when Louis does that. Louis knows about Zayn and Liam. He was one of the very few people who knew from the very beginning considering he was best friends with Zayn since before he met Liam. So he tends to get a tad overprotective of Zayn and doesn't like Liam much, because he left town.
Louis is also extremely proud of his town and Liam may have said a few things about the place that mildly offended Louis. Combine that with Zayn being hung up on Liam for the last 6 years, Louis has an obvious distaste for Liam. He thinks of him as some stuck up guy, who ditched his boyfriend and town to get his fame. Even though, Zayn knows that isn't at all what happened.
*9 years ago*
"Hi Liam.., Zayn smiles when he passes by in school. Inconspicuously slipping a note in his pocket as they brush past each other.
"Hi...", Liam smiles aswell.
He goes to wait under the bleachers for Liam. It takes about 10 minutes before Liam comes jogging slightly looking around.
"Hey, love!", He says pulling Liam near him gripping the front of his shirt.
Liam quickly puts his hand on Zayn's shoulders so he doesn't fall. They put their heads together and kiss each other.
"How were classes?", Liam asks.
"Boring..but that's not new... And that's not I wanted to talk about..", he says their foreheads still pressed together. Liam's really pretty like this. A light blush on his cheek, eyes closed. Zayn's close enough to count each eyelash and each freckle on his button nose. Beautiful. He kisses Liam's nose at that thought, which makes him giggle.
"I wanted to know what we're doing for school day?", He asks stepping away to sit down.
"I can't come..entry fees and clothes and everything...sorry.", he says.
"Do you want to come? We can go together.. I'll pay for us. Or we can go somewhere else you prefer. ", He says wanting to spend that time with Liam.
"No Zayn.. I'll be working.", he says looking down. Zayn sighs they barely get any time together nowadays.
"Okay..can I visit you today?", He asks hopefully.
"Yes..yeah.. that'd be okay.. I'll be in by 11.30.", he says nodding. Another late night? Liam's overworking. He's can see the darkness under his eyes and the weariness he carries around nowadays. He doesn't say anything though. Liam wanted to help his father with expenses and started working at Louis' Dad's diner. He can only start after school, so he has to work late into the night. It worries Zayn, because Liam would rather work himself sleepless than take some help from Zayn, when he's offered way too many times. He doesn't even eat lunch at school sometimes and refuses to let Zayn pay for him.
"Okay.. we should get to class now... I'll see you at night..bye...I love you!", He says.
"Okay..bye..love you too.", Liam says standing up and they hug each other. Zayn lets Liam go first, then waits for about 10 minutes before he walks aswell.
"Zed? What are you doing here?", Louis asks coming from the bench he was sitting at.
"Nothing..just..uhm.."
"I just saw Liam Payne....were you together?", He asks narrowing his eyes.
"Uhmm..no..we don't..", he stutters. They've hid this for about 6 months now, he can't fail now.
"Oh my god! Zayn he's like Geoff's son! Like your dad's driver!", Louis says alarmed.
"Yeah..so what?", He says defending Liam.
"Not like that Zayn.. nothing's wrong but it's just a bit weird..you know?", He says.
"So what? People don't fall in love looking at social status!", He says a little angry.
"In love?", Louis smirks. " I don't really care about all that...just needed you to get riled up enough to spill the truth!", He says smugly.
Zayn blushes brightly while thanking heavens that it's not as visible on his skin. He's such a shit liar, he swears. And he fell right for Louis' trick.
"Never mind..be careful..", Louis says and walks away after patting his shoulder.
_____________________
*Present*
It takes another two days for him to meet Liam. It's sunday and his bookshop is closed so he spends time at the diner sometimes helping Harry or Louis or just chatting with someone around.
He walks in and Zayn catches his eye. He sort of regrets it. He doesn't want to find out how awkward they are going to be. With how in love they were, it would hurt being strangers or acquaintances. That's what they are now.
"Hi, Liam.", He says smiling as the other walks to him.
"Hi..", Liam says coming up next to his table.
Zayn motions with his hand for him to sit. This is painful.
"How've you been?", Liam asks.
"Good..good..got my bookshop..", he gestures outside.
"Yeah..I saw.. it's like how you said.. it's nice!", Liam says with a nervous smile. Zayn's glad he can still read Liam. That feels better.
"Do you want to..I can show you..if you want.", he says.
"Okay..", Liam breathes out.
Zayn shouts to Harry in the kitchen, who enthusiastically waves when he spots Liam. Liam goes and whispers to the blonde guy he came in with.
He opens the door to his shop and lets Liam in before getting in himself and closing the door between.
"It's really nice here, Zayn.", Liam says after Zayn gives him a small trip of the store.
About 5 minutes and a comic book shelf later, Liam is pushing him against the bookshelf kissing him forcefully. His hands grasping Liam's hips painfully and Liam's tugging his hair. They're not sure how they ended up in this position but Zayn can't think, it's all just a chant of 'liamliamliam' right now. They stumble and make it to the backroom without breaking their kiss.
And in sometime Liam has his head tucked in Zayn's neck, both of them naked, satisfied and panting lightly. Zayn rubs Liam's back gently while they both recover. He slowly maneuvers Liam and slips out from underneath to get tissues to clean them up.
He comes back and Liam's still lying on the floor. He quickly cleans his chest first, then Liam's thighs and stomach. He looks up at Liam, but he's already looking at Zayn with tears in his eyes.
"What happened babe?", He asks. Does Liam regret it?
"No.. it's just I'm a little sore.. it's been a while..", he says but Zayn can tell it's a lie.
"No.. something's wrong..you still can't lie to me..", he says chuckling.
"Yeah.. after six years and multiple awards for good acting.", Liam says, wincing slightly when he sits up.
"I just realised that I had sex with a really famous celebrity on the floor of the backroom of my bookshop.", He wonders loudly.
"Yeah..but you've had sex with me in the college bathrooms that's most definitely filthier than this.", He argues.
"No, but that's like..before you got famous. It's different...", He says.
"I'm not different, Zayn. You just think I am.", Liam says looking down.
"Okay..then tell me what happened. Why were you crying?", Zayn tries again.
There is a beat of awkward silence before Liam stands up and starts to wear his clothes. Zayn moves to wear his clothes aswell.
"I should probably go..Niall would be worried. It was great to see you again, Zayn", he says when he's fully dressed.
"Uh, yeah..you too, Liam", he says. But his heart hurts a little, ofcourse it was a one off. Why did Zayn even think it could be more. Liam's going to leave right. He was always going to leave. But he was selfishly hoping that it was more. But then again, Liam is a celebrity now, he's got a life in LA now. Ofcourse he'll leave. Zayn shouldn't ask him to stay.
__________________________
POV Liam
Zayn lets him leave.
He still knows when Liam lies, knows which smiles are fake and which aren't. That scares Liam a lot. There is a carefully curated mask he's worn for the past 6 years and no-one can crack through it. Atleast that's what he'd thought after Zayn.
He's stayed the same through fame but he's still changed. He's older and a better actor but the fact the Zayn can still see through his facade is worrying. It's just yet another cruel reminder that anyone Liam could end up with will never understand him like Zayn can.
It scares him.
So he makes a lame excuse to leave and Zayn, just like last time, lets him leave.
He walks back to the diner and finds that Niall has already finished eating and his appetite is lost anyway so they just leave.
Niall excitedly chatters about something that Liam can't be bothered with right now. So when they reach home, he tells Niall to go in and that he'd be back later.
He quickly walks to his destination. Hoping it still exists. A lot can change in 6 years.
He breathes a sigh of relief as he sees the swing set come into view. He quickly goes and sits on one of them, feeling slightly stupid but also sad.
Zayn and him had spent so many evenings here. Just being young and so in love.
*Six years and three months ago*
Liam walks up to see Zayn on the swing again. He smiles and receives a blinding one in return. He's missed him. They barely got time with each other with school and Liam's job. But then Zayn'd been caught sneaking out one night and got himself grounded. So it was getting harder to see each other this past month.
"Li...come here... I've missed youuu...", Zayn says pouting cutely.
"I've missed you too, babe.", he says smiling.
Zayn stands up and kisses Liam.
"Zayn people could see!", He says.
"I don't care Liam! I want to kiss my boyfriend of 3 years and I'm tired of hiding this. Us! I don't understand why you're so scared!", He says.
"I.. nothing..okay..we don't have to hide anymore..", he gives in smiling, they've been hiding for a long time anyway.
The smile Zayn gives him, eyes so hopeful, makes it worth it.
Rumours spread very quick in Dedham and by the time he reaches college the next day, almost everyone knows.
With the rumours come whispers too.
One of them, that Liam is doing this instead of having to pay the Maliks back. Everyone knew that Zayn's dad had paid for Liam's mum's surgery when he'd found her unconscious that day about 3 months ago. So apparently, Liam's sleeping with Zayn in exchange.
Another that, he's a gold digger that's trying to steal from Zayn's inheritance.
People just had a lot of trouble accepting that the richest person in school was in a relationship with who is arguably the poorest person in school. Everyone also evidently thinks Zayn deserves better than Liam.
Zayn hugs him tightly and says that he's lucky to have Liam and that he knows what they say is crap. And Liam believes him because trusting Zayn is has always been easy for him.
But he'd be lying if he says it doesn't bother him. Even if they are completely untrue, they sound reasonable. They owe so much to Zayn's dad. Anyone would make similar assumptions about them. He promises himself that he'll work his hardest to pay them back. It's not ego but just a wish that people wouldn't sully something so precious and pure for him.
*Present*
"Liam...", Zayn sighs, walking to him.
"You come here often?", He asks.
"Yeah...when I feel lonely...", Zayn confesses settling on the swing next to him. It pleases Liam more than it should.
"I'm sorry for leaving weirdly earlier..also for what happened...", He says quietly.
"Nah..just tell me why though.", Zayn says.
"I don't know... you know me too well...and also, I haven't done that in a while and when I did it was you. It freaked me out a bit...", He admits.
Zayn hums. "Can I kiss you, Liam?", He jokes.
"Zayn..", he sighs shaking his head, chuckling lightly.
"Sorry... where are you staying?", Zayn asks.
"With my parents... what're you gonna sneak in?", He asks smirking.
Zayn laughs.
"You're doing great, Liam. I see you on the TV sometimes. You're wonderful.", He states.
"Yeah?.. Thanks... means a lot, coming from you."
They both sit quietly. The sun sets and they watch swinging lightly.
"Just like old times..", he murmurs pecking Zayn's lips before walking back home together.
Liam kisses and feels a lot. He feels pins and needles in his whole being, as if he was numb before but now he feels again. As if Zayn is the reason his blood flows freely again. It's a lot different from the rough kisses they'd shared back in the bookshop. But somehow this affects Liam more because it's light and reminds him of what he could have had.
And if he sheds a few tears in the shower that night, no one knows.
__________________________
POV Zayn
Zayn walks home his lips still tingling even though it wasn't even a proper kiss. Just a barely there peck. But it was so much more. It tasted like a heartbreak and a promise, but he isn't sure which one it is. With Liam, he'd never know.
*Twenty two years ago*
Zayn walks around the house with Louis. His best friend. His very very best friend. Louis is older, he's full 4 years old while Zayn is still 3. Mummy had said that he'd just need to ' hold his head high, and no-one would know ', Zayn giggled at her cause, he liked being 3. Four year olds go to school. Louis'd said that he'll miss naptime if he goes to school. Zayn likes naptime!
He spots his Baba with the Mr. Jeffy driver.
"Loueh, look Baba and Mr. Drivee. We go talk?", Zayn asks tugging his hands.
"Okay- okay, Zaynie. Who is Mr. Driver?", Louis asks.
"He the mister who drive Baba's car. He goes wroom! Super speed! Mr. Drivee cool!", He exclaims. He just wants Louis to come with him. His legs are hurting, he wants Baba to pick him up.
"Whoa..he drives a car.. That is so cool. Let's go meet him.", Louis says and Zayn drags him to Baba.
Baba is talking with Mr. Driver. But Mr. Driver has a boy with him. He's got wood colour hair (Zayn always forgets his colours). He's sucking on his thumb while looking between Baba and Mr. Driver with wide eyes. His eyes are also wood colour. He's wearing a sky colour skirt and shorts the colour of Baba's hair.
He tugs at Baba's trousers. He smiles down and picks Zayn up. 'Finally!', Zayn thinks and lets out a sigh.
Up now, finally relieved of the pain in his legs he tucks his head in Baba's neck.
The boy with Mr. Driver, looks at him curiously and then tucks his own head in Mr. Driver's neck. Zayn narrows his eyes. He peeps up and kisses Baba's cheek. The boy does the same to Mr. Driver. Zayn almost gasps. How dare he?!
He wiggles until Baba looks at him.
"Who he?", He asks, pointing to the boy in Mr. Driver's arms.
"Oh, Zayn love! This is my son.", Mr. Driver says. "Liam introduce yourself.", He says to the boy.
"I'm Leam..", the boy says nervously.
"Ello Leem, I'm Zeyn", he says proudly extending his hands to Liam, like he's seen Baba do.
Liam smiles and takes his hand out of his mouth and looking sadly at Mr. Driver, lips wobbling. Mr. Driver quickly takes a paper and wipes Liam's hand. Once clean, Liam takes his hand.
"Hello, Zen!", He says smiling wide with all his teeth and Zayn feels proud of himself.
"Liam, want to be Zeyn's friend?", He asks.
Liam once again looks at Mr. Driver, who nods his head. Liam smiles once more and nods to Zayn.
He wiggles in Baba's arms until he's let down while Liam does the same in Mr. Driver's arms. Once down, Zayn takes Liam's hand in his and goes to Louis. They play all day, until naptime and Zayn falls asleep near Liam on the carpet and Louis leaves.
Zayn wakes up with Liam next to him. And then they play some more. Until Mr. Driver comes in to take Liam and Zayn lets go of his hand reluctantly. Liam leaves.
He comes back at the last moment and kisses Zayn's cheek. A promise.
*Six years ago* (from present)
Zayn sits with his head down as Liam packs. Questions on the tip of his tongue. But he bites them down.
"I'll miss you, Zed.", Liam says.
He stands up and cups Liam's face.
"Li.. I'll miss you so much..", He says pressing their foreheads together. He knows the tears in Liam's eyes are reflected in his own.
"Okay...", Liam breathes.
They take the bags and go to the bus station.
"Good bye Zayn. I love you.", He says. He doesn't ask Zayn to wait. He doesn't say he'll come back to him.
"Bye Li, love you forever.", He says.
Liam pecks his lips. A heartbreak.
*Present*
Zayn doesn't regret not asking him to stay. He shouldn't keep Liam if he wanted to go. But he wishes he'd asked. Maybe things would've been different.
He goes to sleep while the tears in his cheeks dry up.
___________________________
POV Liam
Liam wakes up shivering. It's getting colder as christmas approaches. It's his favourite time of the year. Atleast used to be, but back at home, it's safe to say it is again. He loves the snow and it hasn't snowed once in LA since he went there. But he's sure it will here.
His mom complains that she hasn't even seen her properly, so he stays home the next 2 days and entertains her.
It's only on friday that he realises that it's almost a week since he's here and that the bigger part of his visit is over. Christmas is over and he's leaving on monday and it feels like it's too soon. Liam wishes he had more time home.
So, he decides to go out on a drive, maybe visit some people and places. He looks for Niall but sees him passed out on the couch with his head on Liam's dad's lap. He smiles at the sight and snaps a quick picture. He lets his mom know that he's leaving, puts on his coat and steps out.
He goes to his school first. Parks the car outside the gate near the methodist church and heads out to the school. There are stray students skipping classes a few of them looking in interest when they spot him. He heads in and goes to the office to get a visit permission, which the Ms.Grace easily offers him, since she's been here since before he started high school. He walks around aimlessly just reminiscing.
*Seven years ago*
Liam walks in to his school to meet with a big crowd near the notice board. He walks straight to his locker knowing that whatever it is would remain up on the board for, possibly, ever. He can check later.
He opens the locker and catches the note that's always there.
'Under the bleachers. After 5th hour. I love you. Z'
He smiles to himself and tucks the note in his pockets. He turns around just in time to watch Zayn and Louis walk in. They reach here first and hang around in the football ground until it's time for class. Zayn gives him a shy private little smile, before turning back again to Louis.
He also sees the couple of girls that follow Louis and Zayn around, hoping to be asked out and feels a little smug. He has what they want. Zayn is probably the only desired thing that Liam has. Everyone wants him but he's Liam's. He smiles and turns back around to collect his belongings.
"Hey, Li...we have math. Wanna walk together?", Madeline asks coming up to him.
She's been a good friend to him from when they were in middle school. She'd asked him out 3 years ago, but he'd denied, since she was a nice girl and Liam doesn't really have money to treat her the way she deserves. She'd said that that wasn't the reason she asked him out, but respected his decision.
"Yeah... we'll go.", He says. She hooks her hand through his as they walk to class and rambles about some english test she has coming up.
Liam makes it past 5th hour without incident and hurries to the bleachers to see Zayn already waiting for him. He bites his lips to contain his smile.
"Hey..", he says.
Zayn looks at him and smiles wide. Then stops smiling and furrows his brow.
"Zayn..? What happened?", He asks.
"Go ask the girl you were holding hands with", he says turning his back to Liam like a toddler.
Liam puts his hand to his forehead.
"Zayn that was Madeline. You know, we're just friends.", He says.
"Well..she likes you. I don't like her. You're mine." Liam's heart flutters a bit at the words but he still doesn't want Zayn to be like this.
"Well you hold hands with a lot of girls who like you aswell. Doesn't mean you like them. I trust you and I thought you trusted me. But apparently not!", He says turning his back to Zayn aswell.
Zayn quickly pulls Liam in wrapping his arms around his waist.
"Sorry ....I do trust you, babe. But just.... she gets to hold your hands in front of everyone, but I don't. So I'm jealous.", He admits kissing the back of Liam's neck.
He giggles at the feeling. 'Sorry, sorry,sorry', Zayn says kissing and nibbling the back of neck. Liam feels so fond of his boy. He can feel Zayn's heartbeat from where his back is pressed to Zayn's chest. He sighs and snuggles into him.
"I'm sorry too. Just because we aren't public doesn't mean I don't love you most Zayn. I just.. I'd never cheat and I don't like feeling like you don't trust me..", he says, still pressing onto Zayn's chest.
"I trust you and I love you most, Liam. And I'm sorry for getting jealous too. I'll try to tone it down.", He says turning Liam to kiss him full on the lips. Liam's eyes flutter shut and they make out for a long while.
"I wouldn't mind a little jealousy, if you kiss like that when you're jealous.", He says blushing.
"Well, there is more I'd like to do, but unfortunately we're at school. So, wait until I get you alone Liam and I'll show you just how possessive I am.", Zayn says, hair messed up, lips bright red.
Liam gets goosebumps because of the implications, because he knows how possessive Zayn gets in bed. He had to wear turtleneck all week the summer they'd first made love. He blushes again and tries to ignore the mental pictures, before he pops a hard-on.
"Okay.. Li..let me stop you right there... even though it's pleasing to see you get so turned on... But I wanted to ask about prom?", Zayn says sensing Liam dirty thoughts.
"Prom? Oh. Mom wanted me to get nominated for Prom king. Her and my dad were king and queen their final year. Apparently she wants me to carry on the legacy!", He exclaims giggling.
"Well do you want that?", Zayn asks.
"Ha. I have no interest in her pageant schemes. Besides what's the point if we won't be able to attend together?", Liam asks.
"Well... I say we skip prom and go somewhere else?", Zayn suggests.
"Well, I'd have to lie to my parents and risk them getting pissed off, if they find out. But yes!", He exclaims. Then tracks back and adds
"Zayn Malik you are horrible influence on me!", He says pouting the way that makes Zayn want to kiss him.
"Whatever you say, love", Zayn says pecking his lips just like how he wanted.
*Present*
"Zayn?", He calls seeing the other man plopped down in the gym with a box in front of him. Several students are standing near him looking at him expectantly.
"Oh..hey Liam! What're you doing here? Mind helping me with this?", He asks gesturing to books in the box.
Liam walks to him and sits down near him. Zayn quickly explains about how he's here to deliver the workbooks for the students and hands Liam appropriate texts which he passes on to the teenagers.
They work quietly, synchronised in a way only people who know each other very well can. But that's only expected.
"He's as hot in real life, Esther!", A girl whisper screams.
"Liam's cute but we've known him since we were little.. it's weird. But you also remember he and Zayn were dating before he left town?', the other girl, Esther, says to her.
"Oh..well...I just said he's hot. Doesn't mean I want to date him or fuck him or whatever. And yes I do remember! And I ship it! They're way hotter together than Joniam!", She says.
He smiles a bit, remembering how people think that him and his co-star from a movie, Jonathan are dating secretly.
"True dat!", The other girl says nodding her head sagely.
Liam giggles out loud because one, Jonathan is already in a relationship with a lovely woman he met once and two, yes him and Zayn are most definitely hotter together. He hears a ' we should start a ship' ' We should call them Ziam!' before they leave the room.
He shakes his head smiling.
__________________________
They finish in about an hour and Zayn gives the rest of them in the office for other students to collect it when they want.
They make their way outside the school.
"Thanks for helping me Li...", Zayn says smiling.
"Hm...no problem I enjoyed it...", He says.
"Well.. in that case would you like to go on a drive with me?", Zayn asks. He scratches the back of his neck nervously. It sounded like a date plan and Liam internally screams a bit.
"It doesn't have to mean anything...", Zayn assures and Liam thinks 'ofcourse', even though his heart aches a bit.
"Yeah...sure", he says nodding.
"Okay... we'll take my truck...", Zayn says gesturing towards the grey pickup truck parked next to his car. Liam nods and they walk towards it.
Zayn drives while Liam looks out of the window, wind ruffling his hair and clothes. He closes eyes and breathes in. They drive for a long while casual conversations interrupting the quiet music from some old CD Zayn had put in.
It's only when Zayn slows the car down that Liam realises where they are. He can see the lake and the pebbles beside it and the ledge where they'd looked at the stars. He turns to look at Zayn. But he's already smiling at Liam.
*Seven years ago*
"Zed, you sure where we're going?", Liam asks as they move through what looks like endless woods. They had actually skipped prom. Liam had initially suggested it playfully, but Zayn had taken it seriously and planned something. Liam didn't mind, so here they were, driving through a mud trail.
"Chill, Li. I just came here this morning. I know where I'm going.", Zayn reassured for the 20th time in the past 10 minutes.
Liam lets out a sigh and relaxes back against the seat when the woods finally starts clearing.
Liam's breath catches as he sees the place. There's a lake, it's edges are lined with beautiful, almost white round pebbles. The sky looks very clear stars shining brightly. And there's a ledge with a blanket and what looks like candles all over it.
Zayn parks the car and gets out. He opens Liam's door for him, making him snap out of his reverie.
He blushes and takes Zayn's offered hand.
And they walk together to the blankets. Zayn then runs back to get a picnic basket and a few more blankets from the car before they both settle down.
They both have dinner, bought from the diner, and sit and chat. They kiss under the moonlight. Zayn gets cold, conveniently. So they cuddle together to watch the stars. Zayn points out different constellations he knows and Liam wraps himself around Zayn. They both stay for about 2 hours before driving back home.
They part with deep kisses and Liam smiles the entire time. He doesn't think he could ever love someone as much as he does Zayn.
*Present*
"It's still exactly the same!", Liam says smiling widely.
"Yeah..not many people know about this place..if they did it would become a tourist destination, don't you think?", Zayn asks.
"Yeah..it should though. I mean, people deserve to see such beautiful places.", Liam says.
"Well.. I think that places like this loose their charm, if too many people see it.", Zayn says.
Liam stills. Zayn climbs out of the car and Liam follows the action.
"Do you think we can swim?", Liam asks.
"No.. it's like freezing.. we'll get sick if we do!", Zayn argues.
"As long as it's not ice, I'm gonna swim!", Liam says running to the water.
"Liam you'll get hypothermia or something! It's not a good idea!", Zayn says but Liam's already stripping down to his boxers.
"Li...no.. It's december, babe!", Zayn tries again but Liam's already running into the water.
"Join me... it's cold!", Liam says shivering slightly.
"Liam Payne the things you make me do!", Zayn says as he strips begrudgingly.
Liam's laughter echoes through the lake as Zayn dashes into the lake. He collides with Liam causing a big splash.
They both shiver violently once they're drenched. Liam doesn't think this is a good idea anymore. Zayn was right, they will get sick.
He opens his mouth to suggest they get out but Zayn comes closer and snuggles into Liam until they're practically cuddling in waist deep water.
Liam tucks his head in Zayn's neck, while Zayn wraps his arms around Liam's waist to keep his fingers warm.
"You know.. I think we should get out..you were right this was a bad idea.", Liam says.
"Yes..yeah.. it's too cold to swim anyway...and I'm always right.", Zayn replies.
They slowly walk back to the car dry themselves off with a tshirt Zayn had in the backseat. He cranks up the heat, but still can't suppress the shivers. He isn't used to this type of cold anymore, he realises. He notices Zayn's shivers have died down and Liam knows that before he left, Zayn was the one who was always cold.
"Are you okay, Liam?", Zayn asks noticing his shivers.
"No.. it's very cold... I've not been in the cold for a while now..so..", he gasps.
Zayn opens his arms in answer and Liam gratefully tucks himself in Zayn's warmth.
It takes about 10 minutes for him to finally feels his fingers. But, he doesn't want to loose Zayn's warmth. He reluctantly disentangles himself from Zayn, suddenly very aware of their scarce clothing. They've been much more naked with each other, ofcourse, but this feels extremely intimate.
Liam feels himself miss a life he could've had. A life where Zayn asks him to stay or to atleast come back to him. They never break up. Maybe he goes to London but returns quickly, once their debt is settled. Maybe they get married.
It's a lot different from what Liam's done in life, but it feels extremely appealing right now, engulfed in Zayn's warmth. He would help Zayn at the bookshop like they'd planned. They'd go to sleep cuddled up and Liam would wake up like this, warm.
Liam pokes his head out from where it is tucked under Zayn's chin and shakily reaches up to touch Zayn's cheek. The position is awkward with Liam practically sitting on Zayn's lap, but their faces are close. He feels tears prickling his eyes.
"Can I?..", he whispers.
Zayn nods jerkily and connects their lips. Liam feels warm on the inside as much as he does outside. He hopes it means something to Zayn.
___________________________
POV Zayn
They don't discuss the kiss. Just silently move about and get dressed. He hopes it means something to Liam as it does to him. He hopes he means something to Liam.
Zayn hopes he means enough for Liam to stay. Zayn drives them back.
They reach his apartment by nightfall and he invites Liam in.
He suggests Liam can stay over and Liam agrees easily shooting a text to his mum. Hope flares in his chest.
He lends him a pair of sweatpants and they change and decide to watch a film. They pick some cheesy romcom and make fun of the truly horrid plot.
Then, they make dinner together and settle on the couch again. This time picking an Avengers film. They chat easily with the film in the background and Liam says the lines out from memory like always.
All of it feels so easy and domestic that Zayn wants to scream at Liam for ruining this. Then he chatises himself because he shouldn't ever be angry at Liam. Not for grabbing his opportunity to better his life. And he had, so Zayn should be happy for him.
He suggests they watch one of Liam's films and plays it before Liam can disagree. He watches carefully while Liam cringes at himself on screen. He has no reason to, Zayn thinks. So, he says so, making Liam blush and explain how it was shot and little anecdotes about filming. Zayn absorbs every little bit of information about Liam's new life.
By the time they're done, they're both yawning every 30 seconds.
"How about we go to bed now?", Zayn says before another yawn breaks through.
"Okay..yeah..", Liam nods.
"Great..how about you take the bed? I'll take the couch.", Zayn says.
"We can share a bed Zayn we had sex like 5 days ago.", Liam says laughing a bit.
"Okay...", Zayn agrees.
"By the way, isn't this a two bedroom apartment?", Liam asks looking around.
"Three..but one of them is my art studio and the other holds some of the inventory from the shop....so only one usable bedroom.", He says.
"That's just..so you!", Liam chuckles.
"Yeah..now to the bed!" Zayn says standing up and stretching.
They quickly brush side by side and get into opposite sides of the bed. They lie in the dark a bit before
"Are you asleep yet, Zed?", Liam whispers.
"No..", Zayn says.
"Oh..okay..", Liam says turning to face him. He mirrors the movement.
Zayn finds Liam's face in the dark and reaches out to touch his cheeks. Liam leans into the touch.
They inch closer until their lips are brushing. They fall asleep like that so close to each other's faces.
They wake up cuddling and yeah, Zayn is definitely entitled to feel a bit angry that this wasn't enough for Liam.
___________________________
Zayn wakes up with Liam's warmth in his arms. An alarm sounds through the house and Liam too wakes up blinking groggily.
"M'larm", Liam says words slurred together in his sleepy daze.
Zayn just stares at him as he looks around for a beat then promptly falls asleep again. He moves closer to the nightstand and switches the alarm, careful to not shake Liam, even though he doubts that could affect his sleep.
Once the alarm is switched off he settles back down and Liam snuggles into him more giving him an eskimo kiss in the process and then he's asleep.
*Six years and two months ago*
"Leeyum, wake up! I wasn't finished yet!!"
Liam lets out half a snore before sitting up straight and looking around scared. Zayn smiles at his boyfriend.
"So, I'll continue, then Louis was like 'get off of him, lad!' and then I said..", Zayn starts laughing at his own hilarious joke. Honestly, who let him be that funny.
He looks at Liam who is once again, snoozing off on his chest.
"Li.. wake up.. it's the best part.", Zayn says.
Liam whines in his sleep.
"It's 3 am, Zayn.. I'll enjoy the story tomorrow please.. let's sleep.", He says a series of whines following.
"Why are you worried, Liam. We can sleep till noon tomorrow, besides, I did all the work, if anything I should be the tired.", Zayn says petting Liam's hair.
"I asleep, you sleep.", Liam says words slurred together. He snuggles into Zayn a bit more.
Zayn smiles at Liam's sleeping face. Mouth open, a bit of drool sticking out. It really shouldn't be cute, but it is anyway.
He maneuvers them so that Liam is on his side with Zayn spooning him.
He hugs him close and holds his hand in sleep. It's all innocent even though they still reek of sex and they're both naked.
Zayn loves Liam when he's moaning and panting under him, but he loves him way too much when he's snoring lightly curled into him.
He kisses his cheek and sleeps with a grin on his face.
They don't wake up until 2 o clock in the afternoon, when his parents barge in concerned.
All they can think is, thank god the door to the bedroom was locked.
__________________________
*Present*
POV Liam
He doesn't wake up until the afternoon. They're still in the position they fell asleep in, lips brushing, noses touching. Liam realises he's gripping Zayn's shirt in a fist, while Zayn has an arm draped around Liam's waist.
He's never slept this well in a long time. All beds seemed to lack some kind of warmth. Apparently, it was a very specific person's warmth. Liam had slept almost all of the past six years either very cold or uncomfortably warm. He's tried to get together with some people but it was always more like suffocating than peaceful.
This is peaceful, Zayn's warmth is peaceful.
Zayn flutters his eyes open aswell he smiles lazily at Liam.
"What time's it?", He asks voice heavy and Liam's a little too in love.
"1.30, in the afternoon..we slept half the day away, just like old times", he says smiling softly.
Zayn hums and streches where he is. A fond smile on his face when he looks at Liam.
"I bet this is normal for you, huh?", Liam asks curious.
"Kinda, I guess.. it could've been for you too but you left..", Zayn says.
Liam tenses near him.
"Shit..Li..I didn't mean it like that..", Zayn says quickly.
"Yeah..no..you shouldn't have..not when you didn't even..", he cuts of shaking his head. 'You didn't even ask me to come back to you!' he wants to say. But he bites back his words. He feels pathetic as it is. Cause, yeah, this could've been his, he left, completely his fault. But, Zayn could've told him to stay, asked him to come back.
He stands up from the bed.
"Liam, I'm sorry..you..please...we can have breakfast or lunch before you leave.", He says.
Liam just nods.
________________________
POV Zayn
He feels terrible for bringing that up. He curses himself the entire time he's in the shower.
He gets out determined to make it up to Liam.
They make lunch side by side and by the time they're finished with eating, Liam seems back to Normal.
"Movie?", He asks.
"I should go...", Liam says.
"You can..just a little later... no-one would mind..", he tries to convince. He's not ready to let go of this just yet.
He's completely aware that Liam will leave sooner rather than later, but this is his dream right here. Lazy weekends with the love of his life. And Liam's apparently the only person that gets to be a part of this fantasy, the love of his life.
Liam agrees with little fight and Zayn revels in the knowledge that Liam wants it as much as he does.
______________________________
He's not sure what they're watching but it's not porn. But it is very close to that. They'd just played the first movie that Netflix recommended and this is definitely not the type of films Zayn usually watches.
He realises that maybe he picked the wrong profile, hence Louis and Harry's but refuses to unpack that. Also it's already too late.
Zayn looks at Liam who is sitting near him mildly disgusted but also possibly turned on? Zayn doesn't want to unpack that either.
He gulps when the men on the screen start making out wildly again. Where did Harry and Louis even find this film.
He turns once again to find Liam biting his lips raw. He gulps again because that should be illegal. It's so red and wet and Zayn wants to bite it and Zayn should get over his fixation with Liam's lips, he realises.
"Zayn..uhm..we should stop..", Liam says turning to him. They're really close.
"Zayn..? Zayn!", Liam shakes him.
"Stop the movie!", Liam says, he's a really pretty shade of pink, he realises as he stumbles to switch off the TV. The men in the movie are not kissing anymore. It was probably porn.
"Uhm..that was awkward.. I don't know what..you know we should watch another movie..", Liam rambles but Zayn cuts him off in a kiss.
"Zayn! You can't just do that!", Liam says pushing him backwards then promptly pulling him back and kissing him.
Zayn lifts Liam up from the couch and carries him to the bed.
"Can I? Let me take care of you, babe.", Zayn says between kisses.
"Yeah..yeah..yes!", Liam says.
And he does. Taking care of Liam is natural to Zayn. He'd seen a 3 year old baby in his dad's arms, bright brown eyes and thought I'll protect that.
About 22 years later, Zayn still looks down at Liam underneath him and thinks, I'll protect him.
There's a voice in the back of his head telling him to stop. He'll leave. He'll always leave. You'll be broken again. But it's Liam, Zayn can never resist Liam.
______________________
POV Liam
"I'm leaving tomorrow.", Liam says. They're still both naked and Liam's lying with his head on Zayn's chest.
He's drawing shapes on Zayn's chest. He's wishing, praying and hoping Zayn'd tell him to stay. Cause this time he would. This time he can.
"Yeah..okay..", Zayn says. He sounds a bit sad.
Liam feels tears in his eyes. Does this not mean anything. Every time he's met Zayn in town they have either ended up kissing or having sex. Zayn knows Liam better than anyone else in the world, so he must know how much he still loves him. But maybe Zayn doesn't love him anymore.
He sits up.
"I'm leaving Zayn. I don't know when I'll come back. I'll miss you.", He says tears in his eyes.
"Hey, Liam don't cry. It's okay... I'll miss you too.", Zayn says.
Liam wants to scream.
'Tell me you'll wait for me! Tell me to stay! Say the word and I will! Give me something to come back to!'
He just shakes his head and gets up and wears his clothes quickly. Zayn just stares at him in shock.
"Goodbye Zayn.", He says.
Zayn just gapes at him, his eyes shining with tears.
"Goodbye, Li.", Is all he says.
Liam smiles at him and leaves. He holds back the sigh in his heart. Holds back the tears threatening to fall.
He leaves the next morning passes Zayn's shop on the way but doesn't bother to meet him. They said their goodbyes. Liam would like to move on as quickly as possible. He shouldn't have come here at all.
*Six years ago*
"I'll go to London.", Liam says.
"Babe? What are you talking about?", Zayn asks taking Liam's hand.
"I just... there's a lot of money.. I'm dropping out.. I'll go to the city..work a couple jobs and just pay everyone back."
"Liam, the only person you owe is me or my dad.", Zayn murmurs looking down.
"Zayn.. I just.."
"Okay..if that's what you want."
No fight. 16 years of friendship, 3 years of love. Zayn doesn't fight.
Zayn lets him leave. So Liam leaves.
Zayn doesn't tell him to come back. So Liam doesn't bother to do that either.
*Present*
It should hurt a lot more. But it doesn't. Liam feels numb. It's nice.
____________________________
POV Zayn
Liam left. Again.
He left with a goodbye and Zayn watched him leave. Really, what else could he have done?
Hold him back from living his life? Hold him back from all the money, fame and love and recognition he gets.
He stays at Louis and Harry's that night. He's lived in that house alone for the past 5 years, Liam stayed for a day. But that house just reminds him of Liam now. All five years of memories erased in favour of every last moment spent with Liam.
He spends the night crying while Louis holds him. It's so much like the first time Liam left, but then he had hope.
That's the only time he cries. From the next morning, Zayn doesn't cry but his eyes are always teary.
Couldn't Liam stay? Shouldn't he have told Zayn to wait for him. Zayn would've waited a lifetime and more if Liam asked. But he never did.
He wanted to tell Liam to stay. But what would that make him. Someone who doesn't want him to succeed. Someone who'll hold him back from ruling the world. He doesn't want to hold Liam back. Though he wishes he was enough for Liam to stay back. But, maybe not.
So, he sucks it up and says "I loved him enough to let him go", when Harry or Louis asks.
___________________________
2 months later.
POV Liam
*Tw* Drug, sexual assault.
Liam can register someone holding his hips. He can feel how the unknown person is grinding against him, feeling him up.
He can't really see anything. It's blurry, but it's bright and colourful and brilliant. Liam smiles.
The person starts biting his neck. He doesn't want the guy to bite him. He doesn't want the guy to touch him. His hands too rough, his fingers not long enough. He wants to push him away but his hands don't work, he thinks. He puts his hand on the man's hands to move it, but a light flashes in his eyes so he just grips the hand tightly instead.
The man whispers something in his ears. Liam doesn't understand. So, he nods. He grips Liam's hip tightly again, it's uncomfortable. He's walking somewhere, pulling Liam along. He doesn't want to go.
The man takes him somewhere, brighter and empty, he makes Liam turn and hold on to something. He tries to take Liam's pants off and he doesn't want to take them off. He wants to fight the man off but it's all so bright and blurry. He giggles.
" 'S nice.", He mumbles.
He whines a bit as the cold hits his now exposed legs. He blinks a bit. Everything's blurry. It's getting more and more blurry and -
*End*
___________________________
"Where did you find him then?", He hears someone, Niall, say.
"The club on the highway to Pasadena. Don't know how he got there..", someone else says.
"Why was he half naked then?", Niall asks again.
"He was this guy. Said they were gonna hook up.", The other, his bodyguard he recognises, answers.
"You were gonna hook up with him. Or were you gonna take advantage of him?", Niall asks sounding pissed off.
"No! I'd never. He seemed to enjoy it and nodded when I asked him if he wanted to...", A new voice replies.
"Isn't good enough reason, he was high of his face. It's not consent when he doesn't even know his name.", Niall says.
"Sorry.. I just.. I'm really sorry..I just he was enjoying it. He said it's nice and everything."
"You know, I could get you arrested."
"What the fuck, no! I'll be sure to never touch any high or drunk person now.. come on! I helped save him. He could've died!", The man says.
"Fine.. I'll leave you..but you don't utter a word about this to the press.", Niall says.
"Yes..okay.."
"Fine, sign here.", Niall says.
Ruffling of paper, scratches of the pen on paper. Receding footsteps, a door falling shut.
He blinks his eyes open. Bright light makes his eyes hurt so, he shuts them quickly.
"Oh..look who's awake", he hears Niall's voice closer.
He blinks open once again, slowly.
"Are you okay?", Niall asks concerned.
"I'm okay", He croaks out.
"Oh good. So now I can chew you out.", Niall says.
"What happened?", He asks confused.
"What happened?! You're seriously- Liam?! You snuck out without security, got high as a kite and passed out. Almost overdosed! That's what happened.", Niall says looking livid.
"Oh.. I'll be fine. Don't worry about me.", He says.
"Don't worry?", Niall laughs bitterly.
"Are you fucking kidding me?! You could've fucking died. You could've been kidnapped, you could've been raped..and you're telling me to not worry!...I just seriously Liam. I don't even know.. you're ruining yourself Liam. If you don't care about me or yourself. Atleast think about your parents..for fucks sake.", He pauses, breathing heavily.
"I can't...this is it. I'm done. I'm pushing back all your commitments. You're leaving. Go back home. You're not coming back without getting this addiction under control. Go to rehab, go to therapy. But first, go meet your parents... Cause they're at home so fucking proud of their son for bringing home oscars and shit, but he's here killing himself with drugs and alcohol and any fucking thing he gets his hands on.", Niall spits.
"Ni..", Liam whispers, looking down.
"What Liam? What else am I supposed to do let you die? Let you overwork yourself to death?..I just I can't find you unconscious on the floor again.", Niall says.
"I'm sorry..", he says.
"You better be. And I don't get it Liam. You have everything you've ever wanted, why are you wasting yourself like this?", Niall asks.
'Everything I wanted but nothing I'll ever need.', Liam thinks sorely. He keeps his mouth shut. Niall sighs.
"I'm serious though.. you're going back. I've already booked the tickets. The last thing we need is for another 'Liam Payne's Party Train' article to release. Just..you get better Liam, I don't like seeing you like this.", Niall says.
He wants to say 'No. I can't go home, he's there', but he knows it would be pointless. Niall's already made up his mind.
_______________________________
He's discharged from the hospital in 3 days. Niall arrives the next day morning and tells him to get into the car with him. And they to . Niall pretty much refuses to talk to him, keeping quiet if not to instruct him to do something. Liam sulks hoping it will coax Niall into talking to him. But Niall stubbornly doesn't.
He's ready to pass out by the time they reach London. He pleads and begs Niall to stay back in London for tonight and travel next morning instead. Niall begrudgingly agrees and they set themselves up in a room, Niall refuses to let Liam have his own room. Liam's sort of glad for the company anyway. He falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow.
_______________________________
POV Zayn
Zayn sighs as he sees Liam's face on his google feed again. He sees the cheap headline about Liam's partying once again and doesn't bother to read the article. They always say the same thing anyway.
He'll admit he's worried for Liam. The articles must be atleast half true. He hopes Liam's taking care of himself or has someone to take care of him. He thinks that this would have never happened if Liam had never left. He curses whoever is responsible for not taking care of Liam. Not that Liam can't take care of himself, but everyone deserves someone who cares for them.
He puts his phone down and gets dressed quickly. He's going to the city to pick up inventory for the shop and doesn't want to be late and get stuck in the peak hour traffic.
He makes it reasonably quickly to the streetside diner he always has his breakfast from when he goes to the city. He orders his waffles with cream as usual and looks at his phone, trying his best to steer clear from anything Liam Payne related. He really needs to get over him.
A couple more people come in and settle here and there, door bell chiming after each of them.
"Stupid rich people..", a man near him mutters.
"Kid? How old are you?", He asks Zayn.
"Uhm..25?", He says confused about the random question.
"Huh..what do you do for a living?", The man asks again.
"I-uh..own a shop back in my town..", he says unsure if he should talk about all this to a complete stranger.
"See..you turned out good.. you're his age aswell..once they get some money..I swear to god! Shame for the whole place I think..", the man mutters with a displeased look in his face.
"I'm sorry who are you talking about?", Zayn finds himself asking, even though his gut tells him he knows exactly who.
"That actor, Liam or something.. he's on drugs and drinks and all..much talent and for what if it's all to waste..", he says.
Zayn quietly listens.
"Coming back to England he is..was spotted at the airport yesterday..from somewhere close.. it's a shame when they turn out like that..", he keeps going on. But Zayn stops listening at coming back to England.
He puts money on the counter and runs out. He's not exactly sure why he has to go back, it's not like Liam came back for him. But still. He wants to meet him anyway. Maybe this is the time Liam stays.
________________________________
POV Liam
Liam sleeps the whole way as they travel back home. He's a mess honestly, he knows it perfectly well.
"We'll stop at the diner and freshen up before going home. Atleast pretend you've got it under control for the sake of your parents..", Niall says. He's still angry at Liam, probably will be for a long time too.
Liam nods. They pull up to the diner a couple minutes later.
Niall goes in first and Liam lingers outside staring at the little store. Silently hoping Zayn comes out. Just to tell him that he's why Liam let himself go. Not to be spiteful or angry, but just for a hope that he understands, atleast then, how much he means to Liam. How much his absence affects him. How much he wished for Zayn to ask him to stay. He shakes of the thought as he walks into the diner.
"You're not welcome here.", He hears someone say.
A quieter "Lou.." follows it.
"Sorry..?", He asks Louis.
"You're not welcome here.", Louis says forcefully, glaring at Liam
"Hey.. what's the matter?", Niall comes into view.
"Ask that to him..I don't serve people who breaks my best friend's heart.", Louis says coldly.
"Louis..please don't make a scene..", the other man, who's wearing an apron says.
"I'm not Hazza.. I'm just telling him to leave..and I'm being polite about it even though I really shouldn't..", he answers still glaring at Liam.
Liam breathes out. He wants to laugh. Him break Zayn's heart?
"I broke your best friend's heart and what? Mine's just fine, you think?", He says smiling, ironic.
"Liam? What's going on?", Niall asks confused looking among the three men.
"Ni..its-", Liam begins.
"I think it was pretty clear I don't care about what you feel... you left, I picked up his pieces. You don't get to come and go as you please!", Louis cuts him off cruelly.
Liam takes a deep breath. That hurt. Louis wasn't always cruel to him. Infact, Liam used count him as one of his friends back in his school time. He was the first person who he got to meet as Zayn's boyfriend, even though they literally saw each other every day. The official feeling of it felt great, Liam remembers.
Louis was funny and teasing and not at all cold that day. They'd made jokes together and Liam still remembers what Louis said just before he left.
"You're a good one, Payno! Take care of my brother yeah?", hugging Liam. He remembers being so elated at being accepted by Zayn's best friend. And now here they were glaring daggers at each other.
"Okay..but what the fuck was I supposed to do? Let my family bury itself in debt? Work in your diner or some construction site till I die? Cause that's where I'd have ended up if I stayed! Just because you're born into wealth doesn't mean all of us are!!", He says slightly teared up.
"So? You paid off your debt last time. You could've stayed when you were here last December! You could've told him to wait and came back to him! It's a fucking little show with you Liam!", He spits.
"Come back to who? To someone who never once told me to stay? Who didn't tell me to come back or that he'll wait for me! I would've stayed a thousand times over if he told me just once! So before you shout at me, ask him if he did that!", He says angrily, tears flowing freely now.
"That's what you think?", Zayn asks.
Liam doesn't remember hearing him coming in. But, he's there standing at the door, looking shocked.
"That's.. you think I didn't want you to stay?", Zayn asks quietly.
"Liam I fucking...fuck! I love you more than anything in the world! I planned my whole fucking life around you and you...you said you wanted to leave! So what was I supposed to do? Tell you not save yourself? Tell you stay and do all the things you just listed?", He asks shaking.
"So? You couldn't tell me stay last time? Or atleast tell me to come back to you? You fucked me Zayn! Last time, literally and figuratively. I'm so messed up right now because of you!", He shouts.
"I. What? You're the one who kept leaving me! I told you I love you and you still didn't say it back! But- Fuck! That was funny!", He says.
"Yeah? Just that? I love you, you idiot!", He says smiling a bit.
Zayn runs to him hugging him tightly. Liam returns it just as strongly.
"Stay! Stay here! Stay, never leave. Don't go, never ever leave, be with me, I'm here I'm telling you to stay please please, Li! Stay!!", He says muffled in Liam's necks.
"Wait for me. I'll come back to you. Be with me. Be the reason I come back. Give me something to come back to!", He says aswell.
"Talk about miscommunication..", The tall one, whose name Liam still isn't sure about says.
Niall snorts. Liam tries pulling back but Zayn holds him in place. So he stays put, he'll stay here his whole life.
"Seriously?.. I really wanted more drama!", Louis says. The anger completely gone from his voice, a teasing lilt to it.
"If someone can please explain the entire story for me that would be nice?", Niall says politely.
"I volunteer, Louis, I will!", The guy says.
"I'm sorry who are you?", Liam asks, when Zayn finally lets them seperate.
"Oh! I'm Harry, Louis' husband!", He says not at all offended somehow.
"I'm Liam..", He says.
"I know, Liam Payne. But I also know just Zayn's Liam and it's nice to properly meet you." He smiles.
"Yeah..Li? What is this?", Niall says confused again.
"I said I'll explain!", Harry says pulling Niall away.
"He's a bit..", Zayn starts but shuts up when Louis glares at him.
"He's perfect..", Louis says.
"Never said he wasn't!", Zayn defends.
"Can we talk? Like properly please?", Liam asks.
Zayn nods leading them out of the shop. They walk side by side quietly. Zayn doesn't say it but Liam feels like he knows where they're going. He breaths out a laugh as the swing set comes into view.
*****
*5 years later.* (Present)
Zayn doesn't bother to look up as the bell rings when someone enters. He knows who it is.
"Oi..come help me!" Liam says.
"Sorry, sorry...", Zayn laughs making his way around the counter. He pecks Liam on his cheek before grabbing the box in his hand. He rushes back to the backroom to put the box and comes back to see Liam helping a school kid with something.
The child looks appropriately shocked to see Liam Payne in a small town bookshop. But he's a teenager so does a good job at feigning nonchalance.
Zayn rings up the his set of comics, smiling at Liam when he sees the kid stick a rose in between the pages. Liam smirks.
"Wait a second mate", Zayn says to the kids.
He goes to the backroom and quickly finds the poster with Liam on it.
Liam's ready with a marker when Zayn comes back. He quickly signs the poster and Zayn hands it to the teen who looks taken aback.
"What's his name?", He asks.
"Owen.", The kid replies.
"Give this signed Captain poster too and he's sure to agree. It always works. Know it from experience. Trust me.", Zayn smiles looking back at Liam.
The kid smiles and thanks them before leaving.
"Always works huh?", Liam asks smirking.
21 years ago
"Liam..", Zayn calls shyly.
He's running his fingers through his hair nervously.
"I got these for you.", He says holding out a box.
"Thanks Zee. But like why? It's not my birthday or anything.", Liam asks confused.
"Just..", he says moving it even closer to him.
"You can tell me tomorrow or like whenever or you know text me.. I mean I'll completely understand whatever it is okay?", Zayn says hurriedly before running out.
Liam goes home and opens the box to find some vintage comics he's always wanted. There is also a signed Batman movie poster, Liam just about cries. But there's also a rose and a note with some cheesy dialogues.
And seriously? As if Liam had any option than to tick the Yes with a little heart beside.
Present
"Yeah.. you married me..so", he says pulling Liam in by his waist.
"I did but it took you only about 12 years", Liam says knocking thier foreheads together.
"I mean it's never too late to be by my side.", Zayn says dragging Liam in by his waist.
*****
"Li.. c'mere.. you're on TV again!", Zayn shouts.
Liam wipes his hands of the cookie batter and goes to check.
His retirement has been big news, especially cause he's so young. But Liam was done. Is done with all that. It wasn't a passion for him or anything anyway. He was just lucky enough. And the fame had made him weary.
He settles near Zayn. And Zayn pulls him in kissing his forehead.
"You sure you done? We can always continue the way we did so far.", Zayn says.
"No.. I'm done.", Liam says tucking his head into Zayn's neck.
Their last arrangement was a mostly long distance thing. He went back and forth between LA and Home to finish his commitments there. But he's truly done now.
He looks at Zayn and thinks how he could have thought his life would ever be complete without being here in His arms.
Really, wasn't his entire life just build up to this very point? Looking back, everything did always lead back to him and his hometown.
"Is something burning?", Zayn asks.
"Oh my god! That's my cookies. Niall is gonna be so disappointed.", Liam exclaims.
"It's fine, Li. Madeline can bake something for him if it's so important. You stay here.", Zayn says pulling him back.
"This is why you're not allowed in the kitchen. I have to go turn the oven off atleast.", Liam says disentangling them.
"Look, we have to pick up Jake now. Louis would have my ass if they have to be late for their date.", Zayn says.
"Yeah.. coming..", Liam says.
They walk hand in hand out of their house.
House, cause Liam's still holding hands with his home.
*****