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Language:
English
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Published:
2022-08-23
Updated:
2023-03-28
Words:
2,512
Chapters:
6/?
Kudos:
11
Bookmarks:
1
Hits:
132

Ch!rp Ch!rp

Summary:

Welcome to Bifurin, a planet where humans and trolls live together.
And by together, I of course mean on opposite hemispheres separated by a Giant Laser Death Wall, with any sort of attempt at contact between each other further quelled by an oppressive tyrant known only as The Emperor.
You are a goldblood living in incredibly close proximity to the aforementioned Giant Laser Death Wall, with a certain treasonous fascination regarding anthropology.
What are you going to do?

Chapter 1: Sycada Zeveke

Summary:

Lets meet our protagonist, shall we?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Your name is SYCADA ZEVEKE.  Your name is pronounced homogenously with the word CICADA, a human insect the likes of which you have ONLY HEARD OF BRIEFLY and are FAIRLY CERTAIN IS COMPLETELY MADE UP.

You have a rather small range of INTERESTS, most of them relating to HUMANS in ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.  You regularly ENTHUSE about ANTHROPOLOGY, which often annoys ANYONE WHO SPEAKS TO YOU, which, to be fair, is NOT A REGULAR OCCURRENCE.  You have SPECIFIC EXPERTISE regarding the subject of HUMAN BIOLOGY, and your knowledge of it FAR EXCEEDS YOUR PALTRY COMPREHENSION OF ANTHROPOLOGY, no matter how much you CLAIM OTHERWISE.

You have a complicated relationship with BOTANY, and by extension THE EMPEROR who REGULARLY COMMANDEERS YOUR MANGOES. This, you do not approve of, especially considering your ALREADY LIMITED FOOD SOURCES, but even you know that you probably shouldn't argue with the guy who can ORDER YOUR IMMEDIATE DEATH. 

You also are greatly invested in LINGUISTICS and LITERATURE, particularly that which is ANTHROPOLOGICALLY SIGNIFICANT.  You have DEFINITELY NEVER READ any of such literature, as possession of it would surely get you executed, which is HIGHLY UNDESIRABLE.

In fact, you believe most death is HIGHLY UNDESIRABLE, and that MURDER MIGHT BE BAD, ACTUALLY, which is quite the UNPOPULAR OPINION in troll society, but a highly-regarded opinion in HUMAN SOCIETY, which is the MAIN REASON YOU SHARE IT.

You have BASICALLY NO FRIENDS, in small part due to the close proximity of your house to the GIANT LASER DEATH WALL, but mainly because you are COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE and UNPLEASANT TO BE AROUND.  You like to believe the GIANT LASER DEATH WALL is more significant.

This loneliness may actually be to your benefit considering the ACTUAL HUMAN CADAVER IN YOUR GARAGE, which if discovered would 100% lead to your brutal execution. You would like to make it EXTREMELY CLEAR that you DID NOT COMMIT MURDER, you literally actually just stumbled upon it and that is the ACTUAL UNADULTERATED TRUTH.

Your trolltag is treasonousAnthropologist and you speak in a manner that is !n?uffer&b!y d!ff!cu!t t() re&d !n the m()st pretent!()u? w&y p()??!b!e.  You additionally believe that &p()?tr&ph!e? ()ften d()'nt m&ke ?ence, which bleeds into your writing correctively.

What is on the agenda for today?

Notes:

Sycada's typing quirk is as follows (applies to both cases):
S = ?
A = &
I = !
L = !
O = ()
OO = (||)
anything in ""QUOTATION MARKS"" is not in his regular typing quirk. The quotation marks are doubled and the entire thing is capitalized with punctuation expunged.
the word "anthropology" and variants (anthropological, etc) are written as normal
Regular punctuation (excluding " and ' ) is expunged.
Apostrophes often exist regularly, but are placed in different places in certain words, generally to isolate the root word if it was not already (e.g. "don't" becomes "d()'nt" and "couldn't've" becomes "c()u!d'nt've", but the apostrophe placement in "y()u're" doesn't change since "you" is already isolated) Apostrophes are used for "it's" regardless of context.