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When he finally escaped the walls of the Academy as a young adult, there were things he didn’t really think about that looking back on it were clear signs.
First off was the clothing. He never wore anything that was slightly revealing of his body, and stuck to dark, neutral, or more traditionally masculine colors. Blue, black, gray, stripes, plaid, nothing lace, suits instead of dresses, the list goes on.
Even before, he had ever questioned why skirts made him feel uncomfortable (he thought it was just the fact that his father, who clearly cared very little for his “ordinary” “daughter”, decided that girls were supposed to wear skirts but Klaus would have rather worn skirts…he just thought his father chose tradition and simplicity over the personal needs or desires of his kids), or why he always felt a lack of connection to the word “sister” (he thought it was just because he was never connected to his family or bonded through training and powers the way the other siblings were), it was like Sissy had not only saw him as just the person he was on the inside for the first time, but like she had unlocked this ocean of feelings and memories and understanding within him.
Wave after wave of long repressed unease and discomfort and self-loathing flooded him, and words rang like any overwhelming noise did in his head, “you’re a good SISTER” (sister…sister…sister), “Vanya,” the number of words or phrases that were now extremely triggering grew with each passing verbal exchange.
It was like he was finally tuned into himself for the first time in his entire life. He finally had somewhat of a grip on the powers that he understood he had, he was figuring out what kind of person he was, who he wanted to be, who he loved, and finally, finally he started realizing that the box he had been put into didn’t fit who the person he now knew *he*, VIKTOR, was. And he, Viktor Hargreeves, was ready and able to start smiling, breathing, and living authentically, even if that meant only for 9 days before the end of the entire universe.