Chapter Text
There weren't that many people out that day, only a few sprinkled on the opposite side of the beach. I dug my feet into the cool sand feeling the light misty wind brush against my face.
Opening my eyes, I watched the sun slowly descend behind the waves. In the distance I heard squeals of laughter as two little toddlers raced down the shore in a playful competition.
Bending down I picked up a shell resting on the shore, slowly being swept away by the motion of the waves.
One of the toddlers ran up and grabbed my leg. I reached down and picked him up. "Look what I got for you." I said, handing over the blue seashell. His green eyes danced with happiness as he flashed his milky white teeth.
"Thanks Mommy!" He squealed, racing towards the other toddler who was splashing in the water. He put the seashell in his pocket, as he splashed back at the other who was jumping around, making his long brown hair whip from side to side.
I smiled at the scene- my two little boys smiling, having fun like nothing in the world mattered. I swallowed against the lump rising in my throat. If only it could stay that way. I pulled my jacket tighter around me, shivering against the mist or the thoughts that resurfaced- I didn't know.
"Mommy! Mommy!Come play with me and Sammy!" yelled the older one, Dean, who was making his own little wave, jumping up alongside Sam, while his hair shined golden in the setting sun.
"Come on honey, it's getting late maybe we'll come back, I promise." I said scooping Sam out of the water, wrapping him in the warm towel. Dean held my hand as we were walking back to the car.
"Mommy, you know I love you, right?" he asked, looking at me through his lashes.
"Of course I do, and I love you and Sam more than anything." I replied, smiling down at him and shifting Sam to the other side of my hip. He'd fallen asleep with his head nestled in my neck. I opened the truck door, setting him down in the car seat.
"Well, Mommy, I love you more than the sand on the beach!" yelled Dean, who was climbing up into his booster. Sam's eyes fluttered as I buckled him in.
Brushing his hair from his face I whispered, "Go back to sleep baby." Shutting the door, I went to Dean's side. "Yeah, well, I love you more than the stars in the sky, "I said buckling him in, placing a kiss on one of his freckled cheeks. I started the truck.
"I love you more than....um... I love you more than the angels in heaven." He replied smiling at me from the backseat.
"Well, you know, freckles are kisses from the angels." I said smiling back at him.
"Wow, an angel must really love me, Mommy!" He exclaimed, touching his face with his little hands.
"Well I wouldn't blame them, you're a handsome little man." I replied, turning the knob, flipping through the radio stations. Dean giggled and fished out the seashell from his pocket, inspecting it with curious green eyes.
"Mommy! Mommy! Turn it back!" he interrupted while I was still flipping through the stations.
"Which one baby?" I asked going back to the previous stations.
"That one! That one Mommy!" He squealed, as I settled on a station playing the Beatles. He started singing along with the song while smiling out the window. "Sing with me, Mommy." He said, voice pleading.
"Okay, okay." I consented, giving in to his green eyes. The two of us sang along, filling 'Hey, Jude' into every corner of the truck. I take a quick glance in the back, Dean playfully singing to his baby brother. I pulled up to our house, waiting for the song to end before I left the truck.
"Okay, Dean, go up and...." I stopped mid sentence seeing he had fallen asleep, one hand holding Sam's and the other clutching the seashell. He always fell asleep to 'Hey, Jude'. I reached over unbuckling him, making sure I didn't wake my sleeping angels.
Struggling to hold both of them in my arms, I somehow managed to open the front door; kicking it closed with the heel of my foot. John wasn't home and probably wouldn't be until late at night or tomorrow morning. Setting Dean and Sam down on the bed, I changed them out of their wet clothes and set Sam in his crib.
Carrying Dean to his room, I set him down on his bed and tucked him in, his green eyes fluttered open. He placed one of his hands on the bruised that had started to form from earlier this morning.
"You're still beautiful, Mommy, and I love you." he said in a sleepy voice, placing his hand on my arm where the bruise was as if to heal it.
"I know you do baby. You keep saying it; I love you, too." I answered, my voice cracking a little.
"But you don't like hearing it?" He asked questioningly, looking into my eyes with curiosity.
"Well of course I do. It makes my day so much better, you make my day so much better. You and Sam are my little angels.... What's wrong?" I asked wiping a tear off one of his cheeks. Dean had started crying, pawing at his face with his hands.
"I thought I would make up for all the times Daddy doesn't say it." He said, sniffling. Tears ran down my face- he was so young, only five, he wasn't supposed to understand any of this.
"It's okay, Dean, I-"
"No it's not!" Dean interrupted. "He's not supposed to hit you. He's a bad Daddy, Mommy. He's a bad monster." He cried, wrapping his arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder.
"Dean, it's okay. I'm okay. It's gonna be okay, 'cause we're strong." I consoled him, taking a breath and placing him back onto his bed. I wiped his face, reached down, and kissed his forehead. Running my fingers through hair, I sang 'Hey, Jude" until he fell back asleep. "My little angel." I murmured placing a goodnight kiss on his freckles.
Seeing he still had the seashell in his tiny hand, I went back to Sam's room to check on him. He was still sleeping soundly, taking deep breaths that made his chest rise and fall. I reached down into the crib and moved a strand of brown hair that rested on his face. He was only one and a half. A smile spread across his sleeping face. I smiled back even though he couldn't see me with his eyes shut.
The front door banged open and a pair of heavy, sluggish footsteps followed. Going down the stairs, I prepared for the the owner of those footsteps.
"Mary!......Mary!" He called. "Get your ass over here! Mary!!" I peered from behind the corner and took a couple of steps forward. John was standing in the hallway hunched over like his leather coat was too heavy for his shoulders. He had a beer in one hand and blood shot eyes. "What the hell too you so long? You come when I call for you!" He yelled, taking a couple of wobbly steps forward.
"I'm- I... I.. I'm sorry" I stuttered, taking a couple of steps back.
"Get your as over here!" He screamed. I could smell the liquor coming off of him. Taking a couple of steps forward, I felt like my heart was in my throat.
"I said... I said I'm sorry." My voice tight. He took one step forward, grabbing a fistful of my hair before I could move.
"You're a worthless piece of shit! You fucking whore!" He screamed in my ear. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to loosen myself from his grasp. A white hot pain split through my head as he banged it against the wall. I slumped against the wall in pain, placing my hands over the place where it felt like a hatchet was wedged in. "Worthless." He spit down at me before walking away.
I removed one of my hands from my head. It was covered in blood. Staggering my way to the bathroom, I had to pass the living room. John had slumped onto the couch and was already in a drunken sleep.
I turned on the bathroom lights and looked into the mirror. The hairline of my head was dripping blood down on my forehead. I winced in pain as I washed the wound, which was small but pretty deep. I reached into one of the bathroom drawers and grabbed a butterfly stitch, placing it on the deep gash. The stitch closed it, but didn't stop the pounding that rocked my head.
I stood in the bathroom for a second trying to calm my shaking breath. A tear feel into the palm of my hand; I didn't realize I was crying. The sobs shook my body as I stood there alone in the bathroom. I could hear John snoring on the couch, like the events earlier never happened.
"This isn't John. This isn't him, he'll get better." I thought to myself. I walked up the stairs and heard a soft cry from Sam's room. Walking in I saw another figure in his crib holding him. "Dean? What are you doing honey?" I ask while turning on the lamp next to the crib. His big green eyes looked at me in worry.
"Sammy got scared. So I came to protect him." He was holding Sammy tightly, running his little hand along Sam's back. "Daddy hurt you." He whimpered, his voice so little with hurt.
"I'm okay. He just got a little mad." I said softly, trying to down play what really happened. "No you're not, Mommy. You have an owie." He pointed to my head with a short finger. I leaned over the crib, running my fingers through Sam's hair.
Smiling at Dean I said, "Mommy's okay. As long as you two are okay, Mommy's okay too." I lifted Sam out of his crib. Then Dean stood up and climbed out with a little help of my free hand.
"Can I sleep with you tonight, Mommy? I can protect you and Sammy." He begged, looking at me with pleading eyes. I took this into consideration.
Seeing as John probably wasn't going to wake up until the afternoon, I replied with a smile, "Alright you can." I walked into my room and waited for Dean to climb in so I could tuck him in. He climbed up and sat on the bed looking at me.
"Come here." He said and motioned for me down to his level with a little hand. I bent down with Sam still in my arms.
"What? What's wrong?" I asked. Dean leaned forward and placed a kiss where the stitch was.
"There. Now it's all better." He smiled softly at me. A tear rolled down my face without realizing it.
"Thank you, baby. I feel better already."
"Why are you crying mama?" he asked, wiping my face with his hands.
"Because I'm happy." I give a small smile, and hold back a sob.
"But I thought you only cry when you're sad." He said. I laid Sam down on the bed as Dean crawled under the covers.
"No, I'm not sad. You and Sammy make me happy. I don't know what I would do if it weren't for you two." I answered while tucking him in.
"You'd probably cry because you'd be sad, not happy." He tiredly said. He rolled onto his side and placed a protective arm around Sam. I changed out of my clothes, careful not to touch my head and climbed under the covers.
"Goodnight angels" I whispered, placing my arm around both of them.
"Night night, Mommy." Dean yawned in the darkness. That night I couldn't sleep that well. Every time I woke up, there would be a second where I thought I was alone, like Sam and Dean were gone; my heart would stop beating for awhile. Dean was right, without them, I would cry of loneliness.... or worse.
I felt something press against my face, leaving a warm wet spot behind. I opened my eyes to see Sam sitting up and smiling at me. He leaned forward and gave me another sloppy kiss on the cheek. I smiled, sitting up and placing him in my lap.
"Good morning, baby." I laughed, wiping off the slobber on my cheek.
"G'orning mama." he said placing his small hands on my cheeks and squeezing them, making himself laugh. He had only started speaking, not much only a couple words. His first word was mama, which any mother would be happy about, but I should've been ashamed of - according to John.
The first time he said it was in the living room playing legos with Dean. I was getting dinner ready, grabbing the supplies I needed for supper, when he crawled by me. I had a pot boiling on the stove for spaghetti when I reached down to pick him up. He showed me a little lego man and pushed it towards me.
"No, that's for you baby." I said smiling at him. He shoved it in my hand and looked up at me happily.
"M...mmmm...Mmama." He stuttered, showing his teeth. I laughed.
"Yay! You said your first word!" I cheered kissing him on his cheeks while he giggled.
"What the hell did he say?" questioned John. He was sitting at the kitchen table with, of course, a beer in his hand. I was too happy to realize the dark tone in his voice. So thinking about it now made my skin crawl. I set Sam down.
"He said mama." I replied brimming with happiness. John stood up from the table and slammed his beer down. He strided over almost stepping on Sam's fingers.
"You teach him that?" he interrogated with a force, roughly grabbing my wrist with his tough hand.
"He... he must've picked it up." I answered taking my wrist back, taking a quick glance over at Sam and Dean.
"He might as well be saying whore!" he screamed, pushing me backwards into the stove.
"I didn't teach him to swear!" I cried. I tried to escape, but he had me pinned to the stove.
"You whore! You disgusting blonde slut! I should've never married your sorry ass!" he yelled pushing at me more. My arm hit the stove top and flames licked my arms. The pot tipped, spilling the water. I screamed as the water burned my arm. "Get that cleaned up." He said with an undertone of a threat. He walked away and out of the kitchen. My arm was burned and some skin was already peeling.
"Mommy! Mommy!"screamed a little voice. I looked away from my arm and saw Dean standing by my side, face red and streaming with tears.
I looked now at my bed. Sam had crawled over by Dean and was patting his face with his dimpled hands. Dean swatted sleepily at Sam's attempt to wake him up.
I changed into a pair of blue jeans and a black V-neck, watching as Sam tried to wake Dean. I picked Sam off of Dean and changed his diaper and got him into small jeans and flannel.
"Dean, honey, get up." I whispered, kissing his cheek. He sat up yawning, rubbing at his eyes with his hands.
"Can we have pancakes, Mama?" he asked between yawns. I laughed a little. Food was always the first thing on his mind. He was a bottomless pit.
"Sure, but go get dressed first and brush those teeth." I said jokingly, swatting the air in front of me. Dean jumped off the bed and ran to his room. I followed him, setting Sam down so he could run ahead. Dean was putting on a batman shirt when I walked in.
"Mommy, I'm batman!" He called to me happily, pointing at his shirt for emphasis.
"You sure are, my brave little man." I answered back from the doorway. Sam was on the ground playing with some of Dean's army men.
"Help me, Mama." Dean yelled and jumped up to try to get the shirt off the hook in the closet.
"But honey, you look so cute in that shirt." I said, walking over to the closet where Dean was.
"That one!" he squealed. He was pointing to a flannel I got him. I took it off the hanger and handed him the flannel, which he unbuttoned and put on over his batman shirt. It still showed underneath. "See how me and Sammy match?!" he cheered happily, seeing his flannel matched Sam's. Sam let out a joyful gurgle, clapping his little hands together when Dean said his name. Dean walked over to his dresser by the window and grabbed something off the top. "Can we make this into a necklace?" He asked me, handing me the blue seashell from yesterday.
"I guess we could." I responded, pocketing the shell in my jeans. "Now go brush your hair. Sam and I will go make pancakes."I said, picking Sam up from the mess of toy army men. I held Sam tightly to my chest as I walked downstairs, careful to not make any noise. Walking towards the kitchen, I saw John wasn't on the couch anymore. I took a breath of relief.
I set Sam down in his highchair and started the pancakes while he played with some army men he managed to grab from Dean's room. Dean Came down a couple minutes later, rushing down the stairs with a cape fluttering behind his back.
"Nananana nananana BATMAN!" He sung running into the kitchen, his face beaming with pride.
"Sit down, love. I got you your pancakes." I smiled as I flipped one. Dean pulled up a chair beside Sam's highchair and played army men with him. I slid a pancake onto a plate and grabbed the syrup, then placed both in front of Dean.
"Woah, Mama! It looks like you made Mickey!" He yelled and looked at my surprise creation for him. "Thank you!" He squealed, picking up the syrup bottle with both hands.
"Welcome, angel." I replied with a laugh. Sam started fidgeting, then pointed at Dean's plate.
"Mama. Mama..ummies." He said looking at me. Some hair fell in front of his face, which he wiped away with a dimpled hand.
"Hold on a second, baby." I replied pouring more pancake batter into the pan. Sitting down, I stuck my fork into a pancake and bite off a piece. Sam was dipping a mini pancake into syrup while munching on a mouthful. Dean was already working on his fourth pancake. I reached for the syrup bottle, when I froze.
"Mary.." I cautiously looked up from the table. John was standing a couple feet away. "Listen... I... you know I'm sorry about last night." He started, walking over and placing a hand on my head where the stitch was. I instinctively flinched away from his touch. "Don't act that way, you know I don't mean to hurt you." He paused and sat down, keeping his hand where it was. "I love you."
"Don't." I said holding back tears. How could he say that? I thought. And after what he's done.
"Mary, come on." He said, leaning down and placing a kiss on my cheek.
"Stop." I said hitting his hand off me. He brought his hand back and hit me hard. I could see Sam and Dean tense up, Dean neglecting his food. "John, go." I tried to say strongly.
"Go? ...Go?! What the hell are you trying to say?!" He screamed, standing up and nearly knocking his chair back. I looked at him coldly.
"I said go. I don't want you here anymore and the kids don't deserve this!"
"Damn straight! You making me out to be some monster. You can't even tell them what you really are! A worthless-!"
"Enough! Enough!!" I screamed back, standing up. "John, go. I've had enough." I stared straight at him. "And you're scaring the kids." John looked behind me at Sam and Dean, something in his eyes changed. I felt something ram into the side of my head, which sent me flying back into my chair. John was standing over me, his face red with anger.
"Dumb Bitch!" He spit down at me. I tried to get up, but he got down and pinned me.
"John don't!" I took a shaky breath. "Stop!" I yelled trying to squirm out of his grasp. Another hit sent my head rocking back and my vision doubled for a second. I could hear Sam crying now, Dean screaming for John to stop. John had his hands around my throat now.
"Can't do anything right. Frame me like I'm a monster!" He screamed, squeezing even harder around my neck. I dug my nails desperately into his arms, my vision starting to go black. I heard John let out a scream. He looked up a little disoriented. Dean had jumped on John's back and scratched his face with his little hands.
"D- dean!" I tried screaming, but it only came out as a hoarse whisper. My throat burned. Dean grabbed fistfuls of John's hair.
"Leave Mommy alone!!" He screamed, face red and streamed with tears. My arms were weak but I got myself up. I reached for Dean, but was sent back with another hit to the head. It went all black for a couple of seconds, then I heard a scream of pain and came to. John had grabbed a hold of Dean and twisted his arm. I got up swiftly and grabbed the frying pan. John lifted Dean and threw him against the wall like a rag doll.
"Dean!" I rasped, throat still burning. John turned around, his eyes crazed and drunken. I brought down the frying pan on his head, knocking him out cold. I stood there for a second, mind blank, but then I saw Dean. His face was blank, his eyes closed, and I didn't see him moving. "No...no no no no.. Dean, honey.. no!" I cried. I made my way to him. I kneeled down, putting my hand under his head and resting him in my lap. He had a bruise on the right side of his face and his nose was bleeding. "Dean, it's okay... You'll be okay. Mommy won't let him hurt you... Dean please." I sobbed, running my fingers through his hair. His eyes fluttered open.
"...I was..protecting you......and Sammy." He croaked looking up at me with teary green eyes.
"I know. I know you were, my brave little man." I whimpered, holding him in my arms. I lifted him up and walked into the living room. I set him down on the couch.
"I love you, Mommy." He whispered, putting a little hand on my cheek, his other hand laid by his side- the one John twisted.
"I love you too. We're getting out of here now." I whispered back, placing a kiss on his unbruised cheek. I went to the kitchen and picked Sam up out of his highchair. His face was red with tears.
"Mama. Mama..Dean. Mama." He cried, tears still running down his face.
"It's okay Sammy. It's okay, baby." I soothed as I rubbed his back. Carrying Sam, I walked up the stairs as fast as I could. Stopping when my vision when black.
I grabbed two duffel bags out of my closet and stuffed them full with clothes and toys for Dean and Sam. I slung the duffel bags across my shoulder, sending a shot of pain through my arm. I carried them downstairs with Sam. Then I grabbed the keys. I unlocked the impala and threw the bags in the back, and buckled Sam in.
"It's okay, baby." I said quickly, brushing his hair away from his face. I went back inside and grabbed my purse. "Dean, baby, come on. I'm going to carry you the car. It might hurt a little." I comforted as much as I could when I bent down to pick him up.
"It's okay. I'm batman." he said, looking at me with pain in his eyes. It crushed me that these were my kids -my angels. I never wanted them to hurt. I carried Dean to the black classic car. I set him down as carefully as I could, but he still let out a screech of pain.
"Dean, Dean. It's okay, you're going to be okay." I apologized, kissing his forehead. I hated seeing him like this. My little angel... broken. I climbed into the front and started the car, looking out the window I saw what used to be home, but was now hell. I sped down the road putting as many miles as I could between my angels and that hell.
I reached into the passenger side and dug in my purse, fishing out my phone. I took a deep breath as I pressed one. The phone rang. "Pick up..pick up..pick up, please." I murmured.
"Hello?" A deep, gruff voice answered. I took a deep breath of relief.
"Bobby..."