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This wasn't it. This wasn't supposed to happen.
You never even got the chance to say goodbye to John, or Jade for that matter. And you thought, yeah, at least this suicide mission will be exectuted with noble intentions, maybe you could die like a hero you always aspired to be, but it was all in vain now.
The Sun wasn't there.
But the bomb was still ticking.
And as you glanced to your paradox sister, it hit you. You were about to make it. All the problems you had in this piece of shit they call a video game (you say bullshit, the main and only purpose of any normal video game was to have fun. This wasn't just a game, this was a fucked up concept that wasn't fun in any sense of the word, not even ironically, as in there were actual people dying here), you were the cause of it.
And you were about the die because of it. Serves you right. Like, sure, you were standing on a slab with a gear symbol painted in the middle of it that is probably supposed to resemble a Quest Bed, but you don't think it will work, not really. You don't have any actual living selves left. And you can't rise up without a spare self, right?
Right?
No matter how many times you died, no matter how many times you saw yourself die (and brushed it off like the coolkid you were supposed to play out as even though it actually freaked you out, just because you couldn't help but keep your facade for Terezi and whoever the fuck might still be spying on you from the random meteor anywhere in the Paradox Space, you don't even know anymore), you were still afraid of death. It sucked balls, but you couldn't help it. It just adds to the stuff you couldn't help, like to have a feeling you've wasted your life away. Bro trained you better than this. You were supposed to die fighting. Somehow, you feel as if you've failed him, disappointed him, despite the fact that he's not really here to see.
And as the bomb ticks down to the dreaded zero, you close your eyes. You mentally wish luck to all the two of people that will be left alive now, along with, what, six aliens. You hope they will make it to the end and win this bitch.
Somehow, the most cliché thought creeps its way into the back of your mind.
Living was fun while it lasted.
And you smirk a bit despite yourself, the ever so slight humorless twitch of your lips.
Then everything goes green.
~
The warmth tingles all over your body, and it almost burns. Well, ok, you're pretty sure it's supposed to legit burn since you're literally in the middle of the Green Mother Fucking Sun right now, but you don't feel it. It's the pleasant kind of heat, and on a weird way, it reminds you of home, of familiar Texas summers, everything except the colour was wrong, and you wonder what the hell just happened. Why aren't you dead yet?
Where is Lalonde?
But suddenly your mind goes completely empty and blank, and you feel… different. You feel fucking awesome to be precise. You believe that it's the kind of the feeling people call like to be born again.
Actually, in this case, this might be rather (but still not quite) close to the truth.
You grin as you rise into the darkness, and it's the most hopeful darkness you have ever felt in your entire life, and that's a rather oxymoron there (you literally haven't heard darkness be described as hopeful anywhere, it's usually filled with uncertainity and vagueness and desperation and shit like that), but then again it's just the tip of the iceberg of the mountain of oxymorons that could possibly be used to describe this situation. Each one of them sounds dumber than the other to your mind, so you just give up because this feeling is the best thing you ever think you will experience in your life and it cannot possibly be described with words known to mortals, gods or otherwise.
You grin as your eyes adjust to the darkness, seeing the two aliens, oh and there's Lalonde, and she's wearing a rad outfit that somehow reminds you of John's, but not quite. Alien chick looks happy, but not quite. Guy next to her looks cool, but not quite.
You still feel the vague bits of disappointment you had before you died, but not quite.
It has mainly been outweighed by the feeling of hope, of accomplishment.
Because, maybe, just maybe, after all this time…
You could get a chance to be a hero, too.