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Oh, how Mu Qing could love Feng Xin forever.
The way he lights up his cruel world. His beautiful golden eyes showering rays of sunlight in his dark night. The way he doesn't even know it.
The way Feng Xin shines like the sun in his life. Golden and blazing.
How Feng Xin had always been there. For His Highness, for the people of Xian Le, for the middle court duties, for the prayers from the Flower Crown Martial God to his own as Nan Yang JiangJun of the Southeast.
How Mu Qing miserably loves him.
How aggressive and hateful may Feng Xin toward him be.
The attraction developed upon his first entrance to the palace of Xian Le. His eyes landing on a youthful, handsome boy following behind the crown prince. So eager, so obeying, and so loyal. Always a grin and a frown in his face toward the prince, and yet only a scowl and a frown toward the royal servant.
It grew with their first fight. The feelings grew once the imperial guard had given him even the slightest bit of attention. Yelling at him, cursing at him, annoying him.
And Mu Qing, oh how Mu Qing was hopelessly falling deeper into a hole he had not realized he dug himself.
And it grew as time passes. Grew more as more fights and arguments happens. Grew as years go by and they become middle court officials.
And that was that, Mu Qing realized that it'll grow and grow and grow until his heart could no longer carry so much love for a man he could never have.
And it did.
For eight hundred years.
Eight hundred years of torment from the same man. Eight hundred years of anger. Eight hundred years of resentment. Eight hundred years of animosity and mirth. Eight hundred years of trying to kill each other and not. Eight hundreds, so, so many years wasted out of sheer bitter guilt.
Eight hundred years, and the love did not fade. For eight hundred years, Mu Qing had loved the same man in spite of all the agony and despair. In spite of all the years Feng Xin hated him for it. In spite of all the years Feng Xin only glanced his way to say something so insulting, so painful.
In spite of all the years that Feng Xin returned his love with nothing but loathe. In spite of it all, and Mu Qing still loves.
Yet... yet the recent calamity occured, and Mu Qing realizes then.
He's exhausted.
Shackled by the tiresome love for a general whom have given him everything but the same feelings, Mu Qing is tired.
All the collapsing of the Xian Le, the ruins of heavens, having to declare his good intentions because somehow, no one thinks good of him enough to know he is in no means going to dare and murder Feng Xin.
How could he? For all his life there are only two he cares so much for in his heart, who is dear to him even when he was but a teen.
His mother.
And Feng Xin.
That damnable man that could be jumping into lava and Mu Qing would not hesitate in joining him.
As time passes. As the days goes by. As the sun sets and the moon glows, Mu Qing was slowly realizing a relieving and devastating truth.
He no longer feels his heart blossom upon the presence of the man. No longer feels immense joy upon the smile of the man. No longer feels like he's falling into a deep, deep well whenever they fight, whenever they argue, whenever they go into missions together. He no longer feels as though ascending once more upon the laugh of Feng Xin at one of his statements, be it a joke or not.
He feels nothing.
Feels as though he's no longer wallowing in the valleys of painful love. Feels as though there was no longer something in his heart for it to throb whenever he sees Feng Xin.
Feng Xin no longer makes him feel so happy.
But was he happy now?
He doesn't know. Perhaps not, perhaps yes. There's only so much that could bring him joy, and this... this was not one of those.
He realizes then, as he sat in front of the other general of the south. Once a rival, now a friend. With no smile threatening to come up to his face. With no such happiness he'd feel his cheeks heat because the man he had once loved is here with him, alone.
Oh, Mu Qing had fallen out of love.
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Oh, Feng Xin had fallen in love.
He had realized it, as he sat in front of the other general of the south. Once a rival, now a friend. A smile threatening to come up to his face. Feeling so much happiness he feels his cheeks heating up because the man he's now loving is here with him, alone.
Was he happy?
Yes. Yes, he's so happy. There's only so much that could bring him joy, and this... this is absolutely one of them.
Mu Qing makes him so happy.
He feels his heart blossom upon the presence of the man. Feels immense joy upon the smile of the man. Feels like he's falling into a deep, deep well whenever they fight, whenever they argue, whenever they go into missions together. He feels as though ascending once more upon the smile of Mu Qing at one of his statements, be it a joke or not.
He feels his heart burst with love.
Feels as though he's shackling himself in a valley of pure want and desire. Feels as though there was something in his heart for it to throb whenever he sees Mu Qing.
The attraction developed upon his first entrance to the tent of the southwest deity. His eyes landing on a healing, handsome man on a chair, sewing. So calm, so relaxed, and so comfortable. Always a blank stare and a frown in his face toward everyone else, and yet only a scowl and a frown toward the southeastern god.
It grew with their first tea together. The feelings grew once the southwestern god had given him even the slightest bit of smile. Rolling his eyes at him, nagging him, annoying him.
And Feng Xin, oh how Feng Xin was hopelessly falling deeper into a hole he had not realized he dug himself.
And it grew as time passes. Grew more as more mirthless fights and arguments happens. Grew as years go by and they become something more than what they were before.
And that was that, Feng Xin realized that it'll grow and grow and grow until his heart could no longer carry so much love for a man he could never have.
And it did.
For eight years.
Eight years of torment from the same man. Eight years of unfolding everything. Eight years of falsified words. Eight years of no animosity and mirth. Eight years of no longer trying to kill each other and not. Eight years, so many years that was finally not wasted out of sheer bitter guilt.
Eight years, and the love did not fade. For eight years and more, Feng Xin had loved the same man in spite of all the agony and unspoken words. In spite of all the years Mu Qing hated him for it. In spite of all the years Mu Qing only glanced his way to say something so insulting, so painful.
In spite of all the years that Mu Qing returned his love with nothing but loathe. In spite of it all, and Feng Xin still loves.
The recent calamity occuring had made him realize.
He's no longer exhausted.
Shackled by the undying love for a general whom have given him everything but the same feelings, Feng Xin no longer feels tired.
All the collapsing of the Xian Le, the ruins of heavens, having to hide his true intentions in hopes that Mu Qing will understand he does not want to harm him.
How could he? For all his life there are only two he cares so much for in his heart, who is dear to him when he was a teen and now a god.
The former crown prince of Xian Le.
And Mu Qing.
That damnable man that could be jumping into lava and Feng Xin would not hesitate in joining him.
As time passes. As the days goes by. As the sun sets and the moon glows, Feng Xin was slowly realizing a relieving and devastating truth.
How Feng Xin miserably loves him.
How aggressive and hateful may Mu Qing toward him be.
The way he lights up his cruel world. His beautiful onyx eyes showering glimmers of moonlight in his dark night. The way he doesn't even know it.
The way Mu Qing glows like the moon in his life. Silver and glinting.
How Mu Qing had always been there. For His Highness, for the children of Xian Le, for the middle court duties, for the prayers from the Flower Crown Martial God to his own as Xuan Zhen JiangJun of the Southwest.
Oh, how Feng Xin could love Mu Qing forever.