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It’s not an unknown fact that Tsukishima Kei is… well – a jerk. While he has been making good progress in improving this particular trait of his (thanks to Shoyou’s insistence), changing a part of him that he’s developed for so long is no easy task.
He still has his bad days.
Today is one of those days.
“KEIIIIIIIII, I’M HOME!!!” Shoyou scrambles through the door, quickly removing his shoes, setting aside his gym bag, and hiding a small purple bag. “Where are you?”
He’d spent some time after volleyball practice to go to that one jewelry store he and Kei liked and visited often. During their last trip a few days ago, he had noticed Kei eyeing two simple, sleek, black rings. And like the caring, adoring, and wonderful boyfriend Shoyou was, he just had to buy them to surprise Kei with it.
He goes through the short hallway into the living room, which was filled with a subtle light from the television. On the sofa opposite the television sat Kei.
Shoyou quickly barreled into Kei, garnering a slight ‘oof’ from the other and gave him a tight hug as he rested his head over the other’s shoulder.
He looks up, expecting to receive a kiss from his boyfriend, but instead is greeted by a cold shoulder.
Kei, who was still sitting down, lightly pushes him off and Shoyou’s chest hurts a little.
“Where were you?” Kei’s arms were folded in front of him.
“I told you, practice was going to end a bit late today. We’re having a practice match with some other teams soon so coach wants us at our extra best!” This wasn’t a lie per se; he did have extra training as per coach’s orders.
“Shoyou, I helped tutor you during first year. You know I’m not stupid.” Kei said, voice getting a little louder.
“Gwahh! Okay, okay, you got me. I passed by a place earlier. I was just checking things out, I promise!”
At this point, Kei pushes himself up with great force and stands, looking down at Shoyou, “Checking things out? It’s 11:30 in the evening and I know your supposed late practice can’t end any later than 8:30 so you needed 3 hours to check things out?”
Kei knew he was starting to sound like those overbearing partners – but he couldn’t help it! Is this Shoyou’s way of saying he needs time away from me? Is he getting tired of me? They’ve been together 3 years now but still, Kei’s insecurity always gets the best of him. Turns out, having a brother lie to you for some time gives you severe trust issues. Who knew?
In front of him, oblivious to Kei’s anxieties, Shoyou starts to panic. Shit, shit! I knew Kei was smart but how is he this good! At this rate, he’ll find out I got the rings without his permission. Gahhhh!
“Geeez, Worry-shima! It’s not a big deal! You just gotta trust me! That’s what relationships are all about! Trust!”
Somewhere, deep, deep down, Kei knew, Shoyou would never be the type of person to deliberately lie to anyone to hurt them. Much less to his own boyfriend. His nerves didn’t care though. “Trust? Trust?! How can I trust you when you don’t tell me the truth!”
At this point, Shoyou finally starts to notice his anger.
“Oh,” Shoyou ducks his head, feeling disappointed at himself for not thinking about how his actions would affect Kei. He knew better than to keep things from Kei, he knew how constant anxiety haunted him. During one of their intimate nights, Kei confided how he was quick to overthink and how his snarky attitude was to hide the fact that he did actually care a lot about what happened around him. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Kei.”
Kei never really was one to give up on arguments though.
“For all I knew, you could have been hurt, or – or –“
“But I wasn’t! You know I’d probably just spike whatever came at me!” Hinata laughs, trying to ease the tension. It didn’t seem like the right choice though, if Kei’s glare was anything to go by.
“You’re joking? You’re actually trying to make a joke right now,“ Kei says in disbelief.
Hinata tries to backtrack but it’s too late.
“Well if we’re talking about jokes, then how’s this: I was only joking when I asked you out.
Shit, shit! Internally, Kei was screaming at himself. Take it back! Take it back now! He didn’t mean this and he would never mean it. When Kei confessed to Shoyou, it was with a whole, albeit a bit reluctant, heart. Shoyou had to know this.
And Shoyou did know this. Shoyou knew that this was just one of Kei’s automatic fallback systems. Hurting others first to avoid them hurting him was a tactic Kei learned since he was young. Hinata knew Kei loves him.
But Shoyou had his own insecurities. How Kei was too smart, too good for him. How Kei was probably annoyed at him half the time because of his too loud personality. How this whole relationship may just have been something Kei started to mess with him.
Inside, Hinata knew that keeping up a relationship for 3 years just for a prank was silly and unrealistic. He knew Kei didn’t actually mean it. Still though, it hurt.
“…that’s too low, kei. I hate it when you do that.”
Shoyou slowly moves back, picks up his gym bag, and heads to their – his and Kei’s – room. A few seconds later, Kei hears the shower running.
Kei sigs deeply and slowly sinks back into the sofa. What have I done?
He goes into their room and goes near the bathroom door, putting a hand up to try and knock, to try to make amends. But then he hears a sniff. And then inside, he hears Shoyou crying a few seconds later, and his shame forbids him from trying to enter.
Thinking about how much he’s messed things up and how he could possibly try to patch things up later, he lays down on his side of the bed. God, he loves Shoyou. He can’t let his own insecurities affect their relationship. It’s not fair to anyone.
He hears the water stop. He quickly turns away from the bathroom door and hardens his resolve not to look at Shoyou. After a few minutes, he hears light footsteps trudging up towards their bed then it stops. The footsteps stop and so does Kei’s heart because soon after the footsteps fade away, back into the living room, he thinks.
This is it. I’ve finally done it. The tears start to fall and then suddenly he can’t think about anything else.
“Kei.”
His head turns around so quickly, it feels like he had whiplash.
Kneeling beside the bed, hair wet and body smelling like fresh soap, Shoyou holds a purple blob.
Kei brings his hands over his eyes, rubs at them a few times, then tries again. Shoyou holds a small purple bag.
Slowly, Shoyou brings out an even smaller velvet box from the bag. He opens the box and Kei gasps because inside are the rings he’s been hoping to get for the two of them but was hesitating to buy because he was never sure if it was something Shoyou would like. If it was something Shoyou would commit to.
“I love you, Kei,” Shoyou starts, uncharacteristically quiet. “Now this isn’t a proposal – not that I don’t plan on proposing to you in the future,” he hastily adds before Kei could protest.
He continues, “I love you, and I know we’re not perfect. You hurt me when you said that earlier, but I don’t hate you. I love you. And I’m sorry that I hurt you too, by keeping things from you. I want you to know that I understood what you were trying to say to me. It wasn’t fair for me to keep things from you, especially when it was something that could have affected us both. I stayed out a bit later because I wanted to get these for us.”
Whatever sobs Kei tried to hold in started to come out now, uncontrollably. He tries to say something but hiccups before he could succeed.
Shoyou softly takes Kei’s hand and says as he puts the ring on, “I love you, Tsukishima Kei. And I know you love me too. I’d really like it if you don’t lie to me about that next time.” Kei nods quickly. “We can work on it together, okay?” He continues to nod.
As he, in turn, puts on Shoyou’s ring for him, he reaches out to him. Shoyou holds him, so tenderly, and kisses his hand, right where the ring is. Shoyou looks up slowly and Kei closes his eyes. When he feels soft lips upon his, he tries to speak once again.
“I… I l–love…"
Now, as one of the top students in his previous classes, Kei was known to be good at both the English and Nihonggo subjects. Yet now, when he’s confronted with the person he loves – the person who loves him – he can’t seem to find the right words.
Shoyou gets on the bed and nestles himself closely beside Kei.
It doesn’t matter though, because Shoyou knows. And in the future, Kei will be able to find the right words, even if it’s after some time.
And on some days, he might lose those words again. Because he’ll still have bad days like today. But he’s willing to work, willing to push. Because there is someone who loves him, someone who he loves just as much. And while he’s still not willing to let go of all his snide attitude, he’s even more unwilling to let any of those bad days get in between their love.